


mended vs. settLed (a Divergent FOURTRIS love story)

by FourTrisHEA



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent (Movies) RPF, Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 213,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourTrisHEA/pseuds/FourTrisHEA
Summary: Summary:Tobias is devastated when Tris, the love of his life, dies the day the memory serum is released at the bureau. Christina helps him to see that Tris would have hated him erasing her from his mind, she told him "The person you became with her is worth being."A year passes as Tobias develops a close friendship with Christina, she then pushes him to move on from his grief, to live his life and just move forward.  They begin a romantic relationship.This story will begin as one couple is just beginning and then a true love is discovered to still be alive.  The difficulties all face as they move forward.There is mending and then there is settling.+++++o++++++o+++++This is a fourtris love story, of angst, healing and romance.  A lot of angst.Disclaimer:An alternative ending to Veronica Roth's Allegiant.  Third book in The Divergent Series.An alternate point of view/interpretation of epilogue, We Can Be Mended by Veronica Roth.Rights/Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, Veronica Roth doesDISCLAIMER:  This story contains adult-intimate-situations, strong language, and mild physical and emotional violence.





	1. Prologue & Chapter 1: Waking Up

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139588146@N02/39004576394/in/dateposted-public/)

Prologue: Time Between Death and Return

Part I: Tris Is Gone, We Are Still Here

~~ Rough Interpretation of End of Allegiant Book ~~

+o+++o+

*Christina POV*

"What is it?" Four says.

Cara shakes her head.

"Where's Tris?" Four says, this time I hear his tone alter slightly.

"I'm sorry, Tobias," Cara says.

"Sorry about what?" I bark roughly. "Tell us what happened!"

Before Cara even says the words, I know. I think part of me knew before we even left. Tris would never have been capable to sit back and let Caleb die. Hell, I don't think she would have been able to let anyone do it. She always did the right thing, even if it would cost her dearly.

I had that feeling, but I ignored it. I needed to ensure my family was safe. In case their mission failed, had to protect my family. I lost Will, I loved Will, then Uriah, I could not lose my parents, my sister as well. That would not have been fair. It would have been too much.

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb," Cara says. "She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she. . . she was shot. And she didn't survive. I'm so sorry."

I look at Four, it is painful to see him and know how he will suffer. I turn away.

I do feel deep sadness, I did love her. I never wanted her to die. I sob and suddenly I am in Cara's arms.

+o++o+

Hours pass, and Four is finally ready to see the body. As we follow Cara down the halls, we are shoulder to shoulder. I ache to hold his hand, to feel his warmth. But I don't dare. I know the grief he is feeling now is beyond anything I have ever experienced.

I also know, he would rebuke any form of touch, warmth, love. . . that is not from Tris. She has always been the only person Four has ever wanted.

I am shocked to see her lying there, so still. I can't approach, it is too much. My tears come, I miss her.

Witnessing the way that Four looks at her, squeezes her hand too tightly. He is just standing there, suffering. I move closer to him, but Cara stops me, her hand on my arm. She looks at Four, standing with Tris's body.

"We should leave him with her, he needs his time. She was everything to him," Cara whispers quietly.

I want to stay with him, but I agree and follow her out. He doesn't even look at us. Cara and I sit quietly on the floor of the hallway outside of the morgue. It is hours later that we hear it, Four is crying loudly for her. We hear what sounds like someone falling to the ground, I look at Cara, "Should we help him?"

"He only wants her, Christina. There is nothing we can do for him right now," Cara says numbly.

"Not right now, but later I have to try," I repeat back to her, and close my eyes while leaning my head against the wall, as I listen to Four's cries.

+o++o+ Later +o+++o+

"The person you became with her is worth being," I say as I steady myself. "If you swallow that serum, you'll never be able to find your way back to him."

Four begins to sob, while clutching the vial of serum in his fist. I have to stop him, I must. I wrap my arms around his shoulder, I feel him physically shudder at my touch. In that moment, I know he is thinking of her, of her embrace. I force myself to not let him rebuff me, I am stronger than that. I know he wants Tris, only Tris.

But she is gone, and I am here. So I continue to hold him.

Eventually he pulls away and I see his eyes are closed, I make sure to keep my hands on his shoulders.

When Four opens his eyes, he offers me the vial. I quickly pocket it, the small vial that would have wiped him away.

I have known for a while that my feelings for Four were strong. I won't say love, because it would have been foolish for me to love him. The love that Four and Tris shared was something that no one could break.

She is gone now, and I know that I want to be here for him as a friend. When he is ready, I will be there to give him more, if he accepts it. I will help him get there. I gently touch the memory serum vial that is in my pocket. He came so close to losing himself today. And then I would have lost him too.

This vial will be a reminder to me. It will give me hope.

+o++o+

+o++o+ +o++o+ +o++o+

+o++o+

Part II: He Needs To Move On

~~ Rough Interpretation of Epilogue "We Can Be Mended" ~~

Time frame difference: It has been one year since the memory serum was released and Tris died.

++ The DIALOGUE was kept the same from the actual WCBM, this is Christina's POV, instead of Four's.

+o++++o

*Christina POV*

"The one year celebration of Chicago is coming up." I say while leaning against the railing of the train platform, I straighten up for stability. I look at Four, trying to gauge if he is interested. I hope he is.

"So I've heard," he says plainly. I can tell he does not want to discuss this. But I also know that he makes an effort with me. I am the person that saved him. I know how important I am in his life now.

"You going?" I ask as I turn to look at him, I shrug to imply is it not a big deal to me. Even though it is, so I continue. "I was thinking about it. It's in Dauntless headquarters. The former Dauntless headquarters, I should say."

He remains quiet in thought. I decide in that moment that I need to push him. I can't sit idle any longer. I want to respect his grief for Tris, but I also need to try. It is one thing to lose him to Tris's ghost, it is another to lose him to some random girl that is not me. He is completely oblivious at the effect he has on women. I have lost count of how many chicks have approached me and asked that I put a good word in, or give advice on how to get closer to him.

It has been a year since she died. I need to at least try. If he is ready to move on, I want it to be with me.

"I know you go to headquarters every so often," I while looking at my hands. "Zeke told me."

"Yeah, I go there. So what?" Four mumbles defensively.

"What do you do there?" I ask, although Zeke and I have already discussed our suspicions. Tris. It's always about Tris.

"I don't remember agreeing to an interrogation," Four says in a light tone, although I can tell he wishes I would stop.

"I think you should know, if there is something you want to hide, it's probably something you need to talk about," I say as he groans playfully. I know then that I have him, he will open up. Unlike the other times where I ran into his wall of pain.

"Fine, I go through my fear landscape there," he says calmly.

I can just stare at him, he is so beautiful, I wish he could see that. "Is she still there?" I ask. Afraid to hear his response.

"Yeah," he pauses to compose himself. "Yeah, she's still there, of course she is."

Of course Tris is still there, in his heart, in his mind, still his largest fear. Fear of losing her – although dead, he has still not let her go. I feel my stomach drop as I turn away.

Then I remind myself, Four will move on...it should be with me.

"So you go back to see her," I ask, bracing myself again.

"No. No, that's not why. But that's part of it. It's...I....It's not that I want to see her there—you think I like watching her die over and over again?" he slams his hand on the railing making me jump. He doesn't even notice me. "I just keep wanting to see if she'll still be there. I'm just...waiting for the day when I am past it. When I've moved on."

In that moment, I know – that it doesn't matter if he goes to his fear landscape tomorrow, or five years from now, Tris is always going to be there. Does he not realize that? I push my jealousy aside, I need to face this head on if there is any chance of a future with him. I need to play this right.

I laugh a little, I see him frown. "You're not going to spontaneously be past it." He needs to be pushed, he will never really live without it.

"What about time heals?" he counters.

"Time doesn't do shit." I move my body in a way that will pull his eyes to me. I need him to see me, I want him to see that I am here. I am alive. "The thing about moving on is, you have to move."

I need Four to move. And I need him to do it with me. Not some random, silly girl.

+o++o+

Later Four finally catches up to our group. I watch how his eyes immediately find Caleb, who is standing quietly to the side. They quickly nod and then look away from each other. I know that Four will never be comfortable around him, and Caleb is such a nerd to begin with, he doesn't like to really be around anyone, but least of all the great love of his dead sister.

"I was just complaining about this year's recruits for the peacekeeping force," I say directly to Four.

Four and Shauna tease me, implying that I am always complaining. Ha! Ha! So funny. I see my excuse to touch him, and I take it.

"I may have been rowdy, but I was nowhere near stupid," I say, and then jabbing his solid chest with my finger. I feel my heart accelerate when he playfully grabs my hand and tries to turn it around on me, I make it hard for him. I smile at him and free my hand. I turn to and notice that Caleb is watching our exchange closely, a frown on his face. I stare him down with narrowed eyes, he quickly turns away. I don't need his little faces to remind Four that I was Tris's best friend.

As we walk to the Pire we continue our conversation about training initiates now, versus what was the more difficult Dauntless initiation. Soon we will be meeting up with Cara and Matthew, and thankfully Juanita the PITA can't come. She is another one I have to watch out for. She would love to help Four get over his grief.

As the evening continues I see that Evelyn has arrived. I give her a smile from across the room, she gives me one equally as dull. I can't figure out if she dislikes me because I was Tris's best friend, or even worse, because she can tell that I hope to become romantic with her son. Either way, I don't care. There is a rift between her and Four that will never be mended. She is insignificant.

When I see Four walk off alone, away from Evelyn, I hurry after him calling his name. I have to jog to catch up to him, "Evelyn strikes again?" I ask.

He makes a joke about his relationship with his mother; I laugh as it pertains to his obsession with watching videos of animals.

I know that my time is now, I need to start pushing him to let go of her. It is time. I just want to make him happy, and I genuinely believe that I can. "Come on. There's a place I want to visit," I tell him.

He makes a joke, as a way to avoid going with me, but I know if I just walk, he will follow me. And he does.

As we walk through the halls, side by side there are moments our knuckles brush as we swing our arms, I feel an amazing rush when he does not recoil away or immediately put in more space between us, as he used to. When we arrive to the platform by the net, I brace myself for his reaction. This can either go very well for me, or be disastrous. I know this is the place he will always remember first meeting 'his first jumper'.

"You screamed all the way down," he says after a few moments

"You screamed all the way down," he says after a few moments. I laugh with relief, this is good. Really good. I wasn't even sure he remembered anything about me in that moment. He has painstakingly told Zeke and I the story of how he felt about Tris while seeing the blur of falling grey, pulling her out of the net, quite a few times. With no mention of anyone else, aside from Lauren because she had interacted with them.

"Hell, yes, I screamed all the way down. I jumped off a building. You realize how ridiculous that is?" I say in my defense.

It is then that Four opens up to me, he confides to me that he is terrified of heights. I know this is something he had previously only shared with her.

I ask anyways. "Heights," I nod as I begin climbing up to the platform. "What else, if you don't mind me asking? I mean back then, now?"

He follows me up the steps. "Enclosed spaces. Becoming a monster. My father."

I control my smile, thrilled he has confided in me something that he would only share with her before. I am feeling butterflies at the meaning of this closeness when I see Four hoist himself onto the net.

Is this really happening? I heard many stories of Dauntless couples that would go to this very spot in order to fool around. I quickly follow him and to my great joy my body tumbles towards him, unfortunately my knee goes right into his back, he groans and I giggle in apology.

We lay side by side, staring up at the sky. I know I need to talk to him about how I feel, or at least try. I bring up all of our friends, and how they are happy and moving on with their lives. How they are really living. I purposely put down my training job, to which Tobias quickly asks me if I don't like it.

I stress to him that I like it, but I just don't feel like I am headed anywhere. I look at him, hoping he will put two and two together. Four is stuck, stuck in his grief. When he agrees he feels the same I tell him that I thought he might.

He mentions Evelyn, and how she brought up Tris, again. I make it a point to groan. Four always likes it when I am 100% on his side, against his mother. He confided everything to me about that woman, she is a monster. I knew when he began telling me the secrets he could only trust to Tris, that there was hope for us. I knew that I had a chance to win his heart. As he already has mine.

"I don't know what she would have wanted for me," he confesses. I know he needs to hear this, so it will have to be from me.

"I think she wanted you to be with her. Tris wanted to live, and she wanted you, and she wanted something better for everybody. If Tris was here, she'd want you, but she's NOT, and that's just how it is," I say firmly, making sure he hears every word.

I feel his body tense next to me, I am sure this is hard for him to hear, "You're saying it doesn't matter what she would have wanted?" he asks me quite harshly.

"I'm saying she's not here to want things. I mean, maybe she's nowhere, or maybe she's...somewhere else, and if that's true, I don't really see Tris as the type to spend all her time staring down at us wistfully wanting good things for us," I say confidently as I sit up on the net, I stare down at him as he lays next to me. I pause for a moment to admire how handsome he is still. I need to say what I think, it is the Candor in me.

"How old were you, when you were together?" I ask, knowing that just a year ago he was eighteen. But this is my point. They were teenagers – enough is enough! Get over it and move on.

"Eighteen," he answers.

I slowly repeat the age back to him, emphasizing how young that really is. "Eighteen is too young to think you can't ever have anything else that's good, Tobias. Too young not to mess everything up over and over again, or...heal. It's too young, and you're too...You're too good to not to live your own life." I pray he understands what I am saying. I want him to live, to really live his life. I huff in frustration as I lay closely next to him, our arms and shoulders touching.

He does not move away.

I carefully move my fingers, my index and middle fingers hooking around his. "This OK?" I ask without looking at him. I know this moment will tell me a lot.

"Yeah," he says while keeping his eyes closed.

I have initiated the first touch, knowing that this type of contact is not something that Four does with someone who is just a friend. I smile, I have hope.

+o+++o+

As we said goodnight, I practically begged him to visit me tomorrow at my training. I even promised him it would be fun. He tried to resist, but I knew how to pressure him to get what I want. I told him just this one time, and just for old time's sake. I made sure to stand really close to him, and use my eyes to show him how much I want him.

I know he will come. He has to.

+o++o+

The next day he shows up and it is wonderful. At seeing him, I push away thoughts of my original training. Al. Will. Tris. I am here with Four now. They are all gone. I am still here.

He jokingly calls me a Candor-smart mouth. I love that nickname he has for me.

As the session ends and we are left alone, sharing a water bottle, we talk about how the training went and joke with our usual banter. I know that it is my moment. If I don't make this happen today, I do not know when I will be brave enough again. Or if another girl will sweep in ahead of me.

Our recent conversations, I know I have said many things to encourage him to let her ghost go, to let her memory be that – just a memory.

As he says something at my expense I purposely smack him with a sweaty hand wrap. My eyes bright and flirtatious as he protests. I then take a step forward and teasingly shove the wrap into his cheek with my body following close behind. He smacks my hand away, and I grab his and move closer. We are close, sharing the same air, our hands clasped, our knees touching and he is actually smiling.

The moment I have been working towards, waiting for, hoping for is here and I feel a moment of doubt.

I am not Tris. I will never be Tris. Ever.

My smile falls. But he has already followed me down this path, he runs his thumb over my cheek.

"This isn't some kind of...experiment, is it?" I pause, I need to be Candor. "To see if you've moved on?"

"What? No, it's...I'm just finally moving," he finishes. It is not lost on me, he uses the exact wording I have been using to pressure him along.

"Oh," I reply. I need to be sure. I need him to make the first move. I will push him along from there. But I need to be able to look back and remember that he chose me.

And he does. He quickly gives me a brief kiss, a peck really. I hold my breath I am so excited and scared this moment will end.

"This ok?" he says. And then I know – he is mine. At last.

I grab his wrist, pulling him towards me while smiling. Our foreheads touch. "Yeah, it is."

I make sure our next kiss is soft and slow. I know what I need from him. I hook my fingers in his shirt and pin him to the mat.

I take charge. I am no prude and I have in no way been celibate since Will or over the last year. But I can honestly say that I have never wanted a man the way that I want Four in this moment. To his credit, he doesn't resist. He is a man after all.

We have sex quickly and almost frantically on the training room floor, as if trying to fulfill a need. He doesn't even react when I quickly grab a condom out of my gym bag. I know what I am doing, and I know that he is not thinking about anyone else when he is with me.

+o++o+

The next month goes by quickly, I still have my job which is pretty flexible and Four is always working so hard for Johanna as part of her political team. He has always had a very good relationship with her.

We fight all the time over silly things, he is my good friend and I know I am his. We are comfortable around each other. We also laugh often, I am good at making joke to entertain him. The things about me that used to annoy him, are now the things that make him laugh. He has changed a lot since I first met him, and he has also changed a lot since she died. For the better, in my opinion.

On the nights one of us sleeps over, we can both relate to the nightmares we still have. I have woken up crying. He has woken up, crazed in grief, reacting ten times worse than I ever have. I know he still carries her memory, but I also know I am here now, in his bed. I am good for him and he is good for me.

We talk about Will, and Tris, and the lives we took. Four is so honest with me, almost too honest. Anytime he thinks of her, or dreams of her – he tells me. Some of his dreams are good, he does not go into too much detail about those. I don't miss the faraway look in his eyes as I know he is recalling a memory of her. Sometimes he dreams of her dying, those are the ones that are excruciating for him. Most of the time I accept it, it is part of who he is. I don't like it, but I accept it. I knew who he was when I pursued him, when I pushed him to move past her. I can't hold that against him, there is no point.

Then there are times when I want to slap him and scream, enough about Tris! We fell asleep one night, after I probably gave him the best sex of his life...only to be woken up just a couple of hours later to hear about Tris through his hysterical tears. I took it personally, I just felt so insulted in that moment. I got out of his bed and stormed off. I was livid. It still took him time to calm down after his nightmare about her, he didn't even follow right behind me, but then he did try to apologize and ask me to stay. I was able to reel my emotions back in, I told him it was not him, it was me.

I reminded him that we often talk about Tris, and Will, with my having no issues...I was just really tired and worried about work things, so I took it out on him. He was quick to accept that reason. I think he needed to more than anything.

I was honest with him that night, before I left I told him that I cared for him a great deal before we got together. He just nods for me to continue. I tell him that I kept a vial of the memory serum in my bathroom cabinet. Four's eyebrows knit in confusion, but I continue.

"The vial reminds me of what I almost lost, when you almost lost yourself."

I kissed him on the cheek and went home, he didn't follow me that night. We never discussed that vial or that night again.

I needed him to know, I have cared for him a very long time.

+o+++o+ Four's Bureau Work Trip +0+++0+

As I am sitting next to Four on the transport, I lean my head on his shoulder. He has an extended business trip with his work team. Johanna will be taking part in numerous political meetings and rallies. Four is one of the top members of her support team.

I invited myself along for just the first couple of days; I will need to return to my own job or else I would have demanded to stay the entire time. Through work, Four has needed to travel to the bureau a few times already since Tris died here over a year ago. I know he almost had a breakdown the first time he had to go-- it was also shortly after she had died. Time has passed now; I know when he comes to the bureau, Tris is always at forefront of his mind, so I am happy to be present this time, to help him make new memories here.

I smile at him as our transport lands. I am looking forward to this little getaway.

+o++++o+ Prologue End +o++++o+

Part I: Starting Over

 

+0+++0+

Chapter 1: Waking Up

^Day 1^

*Tris POV*

I am suddenly conscious. But I have no idea where I am, or even what possible moment of my life this is. I am just instantly aware, and then I see a bright light shining in my right eye. Then it is gone. Suddenly there is a bright lighting shining in my left eye, then just as quickly it is gone.

Everything around me is silent. I don't mean the middle of the night quiet, there is literally no sound. I can't even hear my own breathing.

Before I can concentrate on the lack of hearing, the bright light in my right eye again, this time staying longer. Then my left, again the light is present longer. This continues a few more times, and then I suddenly feel that every time there is a light, someone is holding my eyelid open for me.

I suddenly am able to open my own eyelids, but my eyes are unable to focus. The bright light is no longer being used on me.

I try to speak but fail. I have no voice.

Then my hearing returns, I hear someone say my name. I turn in the direction of the voice but I just see a blur. I try to speak again, and then I realize there is something in my mouth, possibly in my throat.

I begin to panic, and suddenly I am able to move my hand and I start to reach for my mouth.

I feel hands pull mine down, but at the same time I feel the objects in my mouth being pulled out. I cough and gasp once it is out.

I open my mouth to speak, a hoarse sounds comes out that doesn't even form words. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Where am I?!

Where is Tobias?

+o++++o+

A couple of hours pass, and my body is getting stronger and back to normal. I look over and see there is another woman in the hospital bed next to me. She is crying and asking about her children, sobbing that they need their mother. What is going on here?

Suddenly two doctors and two guards come in. They ask me and my roommate if we are feeling well enough to have a conversation so they can explain what is going on. The woman next to me was so upset, when she turns to me it appears to be the first time she is really seeing me. She smiles sheepishly at me. She looks like she is in her late twenties. She is very pretty and has kind eyes.

We both agree and then we are helped into wheelchairs. As we are waiting to be rolled out of our room she introduces herself as being named Michelle. I let her know my name is Tris. We join a few other women in a small gathering room.

I look around curiously. There are what appear to be six women who are patients like me. I would guess I am the youngest, with the oldest being in her early thirties.

The head guard steps forward and explains that there has been ongoing disappearances of civilians from both the Bureau and the city of Providence, ranging as far back as two years ago. Initially they did not see any correlation between the different instances as there did not seem to be any pattern to the abductions. In fact, many were ruled runaways as there were never any bodies found.

I listen intently, I am trying to pay attention while at the same time understand how this pertains to me. I am still in some sort of fog, but I feel myself getting stronger and more alert every hour that passes.

The guard continues with his explanation.

It was three months ago that someone made the connection that all of the unsolved cases were women, between the ages of 14 and 40, and then it was discovered that all of the women were previously tested as being Genetically Pure.

I feel a shiver go down my spine.

Although the project to no longer differentiate between Genetically Pure and Genetically Damaged is well under way, it concerned us that this was too large of a coincidence.

My mind is racing, how long is 'well under way'? The last thing I remember was being shot by David as I released the memory serum. At that time there was no such project. In fact, this project was one of our goals when we executed our plan to stop the war.

How long have I been asleep?! I feel my heart begin to race, and I am suddenly feeling dizzy. I urge then to please hurry and continue.

They nod and proceed. Though their investigation and review of many leads-- things ranging from orders of supplies that could not be traced, to power surges from areas of buildings that were supposed to be empty, just to name a few-- it was discovered that there was an underground lab that was doing testing on unwilling human subjects.

Both myself and the other women in the room gasp. The young woman sitting closest to me begins to weep quietly. In that moment she looks so broken, seeing her strong reaction gives me the strength to stay calm in order to comfort her. I gently slip my hand in hers, she looks at me and nods while squeezing it. She gasps out that her name is Jessica. I smile and tell her I am Tris. She nods and cries. I face forward, I need to learn the rest.

It was a high level secretive operations team that infiltrated the lab and rescued the victims. Sadly, they also found a large morgue where many female bodies were kept frozen. All of the women that were found alive were in a comatose state that appeared to be medically induced, not due to trauma of any kind.

I am one of eighteen women that they are waking up in stages in order to best care for us and support us through this ordeal.

Finally one woman asks the question I have been dreading to hear the answer to. What is today's date?

One of the doctors answers, "It is February 16, 2801."

There is a collective gasp in the room. One women begins crying.

"Wait! What year did you say?" I call out frantically. I remember it was just January 2800 when we pulled off the plan. Have I been held for a month? Where is Tobias, Caleb, my friends? I pray they are ok.

Suddenly a woman across the room begins crying hysterically, she tells the guards that she has two children and if that is the date – she has been away from her children and husband for two full years. I gasp at the horrible situation we are in.

Suddenly another group of medical staff enter. They explain that this is a terrible shock to all of us and a very unique situation. We are each assigned a counselor and caseworker to help us in the immediate future.

The most important thing they need to explain to us is that the people behind this travesty have not been caught, and are still out there. The ones that did not make it out were killed during the battle or committed suicide on site, so they are concerned that we are not entirely safe at this time. This case is still open and being aggressively worked.

They also tell us that it was as though the group behind this had some kind of warning-- all of the medical files and research information is missing. So they don't even have records of what kind of testing was done or for what purpose.

I sit in silence listening, I don't even know what to think. Or what to feel. I am alive. I am here.

I need Tobias. And I need to see him soon.

+o+++++++o+

It is hours later that I am in my original hospital room and standing for the first time with the help of a physical therapist and my case worker who is named Kelly. She is an older woman and she is very kind.

In the few hours that I have been awake it is incredible how strong I am, I feel like I have been working out for months. The doctors tell me I am in amazing physical shape because of technology they used while I was in the coma. It is commonly used as part of modern medicine these days. I am stronger than ever. I even notice that my cheeks are flushed with color, my eyes are bright and my hair is long and healthy. It is almost impossible to believe that I have been laying in a bed for over a year.

I later sit down with Kelly, one of the security team members and a doctor. They explain to me that they have matched all of the victims that are alive and most of the bodies that are in the morgue with open case files of missing people. They inform me that there is no case file for me; instead they hand me a copy of my death certificate.

I inhale sharply as I read it over, along with the report of my death. Thirteen months ago, there was a rebel group that targeted the Bureau and release the memory serum, essentially wiping clean the memories of the entire bureau. Director David had been found with his memory wiped, and I had been found shot to death, or so it seemed. As David and I worked closely together it was assumed that it was the Rebel group that had shot me down and then fled. They had never been caught as security footage had been tampered with. There are no leads.

I internally celebrate, that means that everyone I care about is safe. They were never implicated in our plan.

They explain that they have set up a secure floor with dormitories for the freed captives to stay during our recuperation. We would each our own room, get counseling and be sure to get final medical clearance. I nod my head.

I finally feel that I have heard everything I need to understand in regards to my current situation. I tell them I have a man I love, a brother and close friends I need to see as soon as possible. I also tell them that I would assume they are in Chicago. They nod their heads and then explain to me that the first round of captives they woke up-- I was in the second round-- tried calling loved ones and it was disastrous. Very upsetting for them to hear the voice of a presumed dead loved one without really being able to see them.

They ask that I instead make plans to see them in person and that they would help me facilitate that. I agree.

I am exhausted, the day is starting to catch up with me. I am shown to my own room and I quickly notice that Michelle and Jessica from earlier have rooms on either side of me. We say hello and Jessica invites us to come talk in her room.

We sit around talking for hours, about our lives, they are fascinated to know I am from the Chicago project

We sit around talking for hours, about our lives, they are fascinated to know I am from the Chicago project. Michelle is especially emotional as she is very worried about her husband and her children. She cries and admits she is scared that her young kids won't even remember who she is. My heart breaks for her. I tell them about the death of my parents, and then my brother Caleb...and lastly I tell them about Tobias, the love of my life. They smile and listen happily. Jessica was just a newlywed when she was abducted, her situation is different because she was one of the last women then went missing. She has only been away for three months, versus my thirteen months and Michelle's two years.

That night I go back to my new room and fall asleep. I am very anxious for what tomorrow will bring.

+o++++o+ Chapter End +o++++o+


	2. Chapter 2: Devastated

+0+++0+

Chapter 2: Devastated

^^ Day 2 ^^

*Tris POV*

The next morning I wake up feeling very energized and ready for the day. The night before I gave them Tobias's information in the hopes that they can track down his whereabouts as soon as possible. I need to see him first, I am beside myself with nerves. Oh my Tobias, a year that he has been without me. It hurts my heart to think of him suffering over my death.

I also cringe when I think about how upset he must be. As a group we had a plan, and that plan did not include me going into the lab instead of Caleb. It did not involve me risking my life in place of my brother's.

I close my eyes and think back to that moment, we were walking through the halls with Matthew, and I just knew in my heart I would not be able to follow through with it. I also knew that if both Matthew and Caleb were with me, between the two of them I never would have been able to convince them to let me go in or be able to overpower both of them.

I remember being so relieved when Matthew accepted my direction to split off from us in order to create a diversion.

+o++o+ Flashback +o++o+

I love my brother. I love him, and he is quaking with terror at the thought of death. I love him and all I can think, all I can hear in my mind, are the words I said to him a few days ago: I would never deliver you to your own execution.

"Caleb," I say. "Give me the backpack."

"What?" he says.

I slip my hand under the back of my shirt and grab my gun. I point it at him. "Give me the backpack."

"Tris, no." He shakes his head. "No, I won't let you do that."

I explain to him that there is a chance I would survive the death serum, while no chance for him. I then convince the guards that Caleb is my hostage. He finally gives me the backpack. I left him no choice.

"Caleb," I say, "I love you."

His eyes gleam with tears as he says, "I love you, too, Beatrice."

My last words to my brother were, "If I don't survive, tell Tobias I didn't want to leave him."

+o++o+ Flashback End +o++o+

I sigh as I look at the view outside. My room has a lovely bay window with a bench where I can sit and rest my head against the glass. It is cool and feels good against my forehead. It is February now; it dawns of me that I have completely missed the spring and summer seasons. My mind wanders to Tobias, as I imagine what things he has been doing these last months. How did it go with his parents? Zeke and Hanna, I then gulp past the lump in my throat when I think of Uriah. I can only assume they turned off his machines long ago. I wipe a tear away for my lost friend.

It looks cold and dreary outside, there is a light sprinkle of snow that is falling. Suddenly there's a knock at my dorm room door. I smile as Jessica and Michelle pop their heads in and ask me to join them for breakfast. I had forgotten all about eating, and we have our first group therapy scheduled for the late morning.

We meet a few of the other women at breakfast, as well as some of the caseworkers and therapists have joined us. One of the guards explains to us that we are in a secure floor and offer to give us a tour after breakfast. We all nod eagerly. My understanding is this will be our home for the next few weeks as we get acclimated.

There is a large section that is dormitories with a check in desk at the front. We are told that all guests are welcome but must be vetted ahead of time, and then signed in with each visit. There is a medical wing that is broken into two sections: rehabilitation and then ICU for the women that are still under the coma. They are only able to support a certain number of patients at a time so that is why everyone was not awoken at once. There is a small dining hall, and then outside of the secure doors there is a visiting area. It is explained to us that they will be offering ongoing support and counseling to the captives and their loved ones. Often the sessions with outside family and friends occur in the visiting area.

Michelle raises her hand to ask if they will be able to offer support to young children as well, she explains her daughters are now five and three years old. I smile at her and squeeze her hand, I can't imagine what she is feeling, to have young babies that may not even know who you are anymore. She had told me last night that she does not have any hope with her younger daughter, her now three year old was just recently one when she was taken from them. They tell Michelle that they are already prepping the child psychologist that will be assisting her family.

After our tour we each start our own rehabilitation for the day and then it is lunch.

Jessica is sick with nerves. Her husband still lives at the bureau and she will be seeing him later this afternoon. Michelle and I are just as nervous as she is. We have bonded very deeply, both women are kind, sincere and so genuine. And they each have their own fears about what their futures will look like, just like I do.

My session with Kelly takes place in my room shortly after lunch. She walk in carrying a folder. She asks me if I am comfortable talking to her about my relationship with Tobias, as I have requested that he be the first person that they set up my meeting with. I bite my lip and nod, I know that Kelly will be helping not only me, but that if Tobias wants help dealing with this, he will be able to use their resources as well.

I talk to her openly about him. There is something to be said about mine and Tobias's relationship, about our love. We had been through so much in such a short amount of time. I adore him, and to me, it feels like just days ago I was kissing him and saying our goodbyes in the bureau atrium. I know it has been much longer for him, and while I was sleeping peacefully – he was left to deal with my death. My mind also wanders to our last night together before the memory serum.

I tell her how we had made love for the first time, it was amazing. We had waited so long to consummate our love, he was always so gentle and willing to wait until I was ready. He never once pressured me. I look back now and regret that morning, I had insisted we had so much to do that day. Looking back, I wish we had made love again that morning. In that moment I truly believed we would have a lifetime ahead of us to be together in that way. I cringe when I think about what my choice has done to him. I know how he feels about me. I feel as though I have let him down, and that makes me feel terrible.

I love him and I need to see him.

Kelly smiles at me and removes a piece of paper from her folder. They have tracked Tobias down. He is living alone, in an apartment in Chicago just north of the river, and I am told he is on one of the lower floors, in unit number is 4D. I begin laughing, thinking of Four-Dauntless. It would be impossible for me to ever forget his unit number. I think about the man I love. I can only imagine he picked that part of town because it was nowhere near Abnegation or Dauntless. During our night love making we had discussed wanting to finally put all of the death, fighting and danger behind us. We wanted to move forward and start a quiet life together.

"Tris, are you ok if I continue? You seem lost in thought," Kelly kindly asks me. Her smile is warm and encouraging.

"Yes, of course, please," I say.

"Well, this is quite the coincidence, when we verified his employment it was mentioned that Tobias Eaton is traveling to the bureau tomorrow! His transport will be arriving in the early morning," she says.

My loud gasp interrupting her. Tears fill my eyes and my stomach drops with excitement and nerves. Tomorrow?! I am going to see Tobias as early as tomorrow!

"Did you tell him I am alive!? Is that why he is coming to the bureau?" I almost yell, my cheeks flushing with excitement. I jump up and begin pacing nervously, I am wracking my brain on what I will wear. I remember that my closet has been supplied with an assortment of clothes that are in my size.

"Tris, please calm down. I know you are excited, but I have more I need to cover with you," Kelly says calmly. "Please."

I nod and sit down. She smiles at me warmly.

She explains that he is working on Johanna Reyes's political team. He is one of her top assistants, while she is one of Chicago's city representatives. I smile proudly, it is wonderful to hear that he is doing so well for himself.

She then explains that Johanna is looking to expand her political reach to the regional level. Over the next couple of weeks there will be political seminars and even some rallies held at the bureau for the different political parties. I nod my head to encourage her to proceed.

Tobias is part of Johanna's team that will be staying at the bureau during the activities. I can almost feel my heart pounding in my head. I can't believe it, Tobias will be here tomorrow. I can see him in person. By this time tomorrow we will be together again.

I smile at Kelly as tears fill my eyes. She gives me a hug. We agree that she will come with me tomorrow to meet the transport. She doesn't want me going alone, and she reminds me that I should have security shadowing me from afar.

+o++o+

That evening Michelle and I sit with Jessica as she tearfully recounts her reunion with her husband. It went very well, but it was also very difficult. She is following the advice of our team, she is going to stay in the dormitory and as a couple they will go through counseling before they begin living together again. Jessica told us that he was so grief stricken that their landlord had allowed him to move to a smaller apartment, her husband had tried to recreate his entire life in order to try to move past his grief.

I tell the girls about Tobias and how Kelly will be coming with me to meet the transport at ten in the morning tomorrow. Michelle tells me that it is about the same time her husband and daughters are going to arrive to the visitor center in order to meet with her. We share a hug and wish each other well.

Jessica asks me if I would like her to come along for support, I smile at her and nod. I would like that very much. I am actually looking forward to Tobias meeting some of the wonderful women I have met here; in such a short time, we have really bonded.

I go to sleep that night and dream about him. I love him so much. The war is over and now we can move forward.

^^ Day 3 ^^

*Tris POV*

The following morning we are all up early. Jessica helps both Michelle and me get ready for our reunions. Michelle has picked out an outfit that is similar to what she used to wear, and she also puts her hair in what she calls the mommy-ponytail. She laughs and warns us, once there is a baby or two at our feet, we will be amazed how those little faces will take precedence over anything else, including basic grooming. Jessica crinkles her nose at the thought. I can't help but smile at her, she is a wonderful woman and, I can tell, a loving mom. It makes me miss my own mother in that moment. Of course my mom needed to wear the Abnegation bun at all times, but I always recognized the manner in which she would always put Caleb's and my needs ahead of her own.

I am wearing simple black pants that are very flattering, and a dark grey fitted sweater with a V-neck, with my three ravens tattoo visible. I have my hair down and in loose curls, and Jessica has convinced both Michelle and I to let her apply some minimal makeup. As Jessica is applying my eye makeup I tell both girls about my best friend Christina, and her obsession with makeup and shopping. I tell them how she had once helped me with my makeup during our Dauntless initiation and she said to me, "Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable."

Being reminded of Christina was a nice moment. She is someone I also can't wait to see again, my closest friend. But of course Tobias and then Caleb will need to come first.

It is Jessica that asks me just how close Tobias and I were as a couple. Michelle slaps her in the arm and tells her not to be so nosey!

"What?! She knows we're two married ladies, so she already knows this information about us. Come on Tris, spill," Jessica encourages me with a smile.

The bond I feel with these two women is strong, and I realize I want to talk about him. I love him, and saying his name out loud makes me feel close to him.

"Tobias and I actually made love for the first time, the night before I was...taken. The night before he thinks that I died. We waited a really long time before taking that intimate step in our relationship," I share. The girls nod their heads in understanding.

I explain the five factions, and then I go into more detail about Abnegation and how strict it was. They love the fact that both Tobias and I were raised in grey and that we both had the same healthy respect and appreciation of intimacy. I even told them how he was a virgin and had never even kissed a girl on the lips before me. It was the same for me, except that he had made it through two full years of being single, handsome and in Dauntless. I explain to them, that I know that Tobias has a true respect for the importance of intimacy and how it should relate to love.

Once it gets closer to time I start to feel nervous, but more excited. I love him, and I know he loves me. Our love will always be there. I can't wait to see Tobias.

It is Kelly and Jessica that walk with me through the busy bureau. As we walk through the atrium I ask them if they mind giving me a couple of minutes by myself. This is the last place that I spent time with Tobias that day.

I remember that day so vividly. Tobias took me to the atrium near the hotel dormitory, and we spent some time there, talking and kissing and pointing out the strangest plants. I take a moment to look around now and notice some of the same plants, and it brings me great comfort. Although a year has passed, some things are still the same. It felt like a real date- we talked about small things, we laughed. When we said goodbye, I remember every touch, every caress, the feeling and pressure of his lips when we kissed. I remember telling him that I love him, and tears fill my eyes when I remember his last words to me were, 'I love you, too. I'll see you soon.'

I wipe away the tear that his slid down my cheek. I love him, and I know it is time to go. It's time to be with my Tobias now.

+o++o+

As Jennifer and Kelly walk with me towards the bay where Tobias's transport is arriving I start to feel really nervous. Jennifer smiles warmly at me and links arms with me. Normally an act of that type of affection would remind me of the Amity girls, but in this moment I am so grateful for encouragement I know it represents.

When we are a few transport bays away, we agree that I should make the rest of the trip alone. They will be waiting right there for me, and they told me that they look forward to meeting Tobias. I smile and nod.

I walk over to the waiting area for arrivals, and I double check that the transport that has arrived is from Chicago. The gate attendant confirms, then lets me know which door the passengers will be entering the bay from. She also lets me know they will need to form a line to walk through the narrow roped area in order to head to baggage pick up. She says they will be exiting their transport shortly. I smile and nod. I decide to step back enough where I can clearly see the people come through, but I would not be standing right on top of them. I would not want Johanna or someone else I may know to see me before I have a chance to talk to Tobias.

Suddenly the doors open and people slowly begin filing out. I am impatiently looking at each person that comes into my view. I realize I am holding my breath and I chuckle at the thought of passing out and Tobias finding me unconscious on the floor of the transport bay. I slowly breathe in and out as I look for him.

Then I see Tobias for the first time.

He is walking tall, and I immediately notice he has his right arm slung over Christina's shoulder. For a split second I wonder if she also works on Johanna's political team. And then I notice that her arm is wrapped tightly around his waist. At this point my mouth is gaping open. They are both laughing at something Christina said, and I realize how happy they both look. Genuinely blissful.

As sick as I feel, I can't turn away from them. I feel as though I am watching a movie, a horror movie. As they are waiting in the roped off line the attendant had pointed out to me, I see Christina confidently fist Tobias's shirt and pulls him down for a passionate kiss. I can almost see their tongues moving in sync as they stand in the middle of this very public terminal.

It's comical the thought that crosses my mind in that moment: I am shocked that Tobias of all people would be comfortable with such a public display of affection.

And then the true realization hits me, along with the terrible pain that shakes me at my core. Tobias and Christina are together. As in really together, they look like a couple that is very in love and passionate.

The love of my life, and my best friend. I start to feel sick, but I still can't turn away. It is as if I want to punish myself. I want to continue to observe this cheerful, carefree couple and watch them be happy for all to see.

I watch as Tobias pulls away first, his eyes staring into Christina's, and he has a smile on his face.

That is actually the exact moment I realize, he is lost to me. Completely lost. There was a tiny part of me that was expecting him to scowl at her for such a public display. But it never came.

I am shocked and disappointed at the same time, I barely register that Tobias happens to look directly across the room and his eyes fixate on me. As he sees me, and that I am watching them, I watch as his face falls in shock, his eyes widening.

Well, now he knows I am alive.

Not that it matters anymore.

+o++++o+ Chapter End +o++++o+


	3. Chapter 3: It's Really Her

+0+++0+

Chapter 3: It's Really Her

^^ Day 3 ^^

*Tobias POV*

I feel goosebumps on my arms, as though something important was happening, or about to happen. I look away from Christina and stand tall. I immediately see her. Tris. For a split second I assume it is just my ailing heart that is still yearning for her, playing tricks on me again. It wouldn't be the first the time I saw her beautiful face smiling at me, as though a cruel reminder of what I am missing the most.

Then I remember that I am not dreaming nor am I in the middle of one of my fear landscape exercises.

Tris Prior is standing across the room, staring right at me.

A dozen emotions run through me at once, I breathe in a gust of air and feel waves of shock, joy, guilt and desperation wash over me.

Then I see her actual facial expression. She looks so hurt and in that moment I feel my heart begin pounding with a terrible ache. She bites her cheeks and then turns and runs away. I don't think, I just begin running after her desperately. I scream her name in the middle of the transport bay and people look at me as I am rushing past them. She is fast, and her small frame allows her to move lithely through people, strollers, luggage, I am not sure if I will be able to catch her.

"Tris, please! Please wait. Tris!" I scream after her as I keep running in the general direction I saw her go. I quickly notice this is the way to the exit of the transport bays, so it would make sense that she is leaving. I keep going. Nothing is going to stop me from catching up to her.

By the time I reach a terminal that is right by the main exit I stop upon seeing her. Tris is crying, her shoulders shaking, there are two women with her that look so concerned. One is older and nodding her head calmly, but I can see the apprehension in her eyes. The other is younger and she quietly begins crying too, as though in sympathy for Tris.

The other is younger and she quietly begins crying too, as though in sympathy for Tris

"Tris," I say her name as I approach. Her back straightens the moment her name leaves my lips, but she does not turn to even look at me.

"Please, get me out of here. I can't deal with any of this right now. Please," Tris says directly to the women, not even looking at me as she pushes through them and begins walking away.

Does she think I am going to let her out of my sight for even a moment? I reach my arm forward as I try to grasp her forearm, but I am suddenly blocked. The older of the two women asks me to please give Tris space, she has just been through an ordeal and she just needs time.

"Are you crazy?! I am not going anywhere unless it is with Tris. She is supposed to be dead, and now she is here and doesn't want to talk to me!? Get out of my way lady," I snap at her.

I quickly dodge past her and catch Tris's wrist, she gasps at the contact and I gently pull her close to me. I don't want to be forceful but I also have to see for myself that she is real. I look deep into her eyes, those beautiful, insistent eyes that have always captivated me. As I reach my other hand to try to cup her face Tris jumps back and tries to break free from my grip.

"Tris, please!" my voice rises, and I am shaking with emotion. "Please talk to me, is it really you?! How are you alive? Where have you been for the last year?" Tris will not look at my face as she again tries to pull away from me, but I will not let go of her wrist. I will never let her go.

And then I see her three ravens on her collar bone. I gently touch the top one with my finger tips and run my fingers along all three slowly. It is her. My Tris.

Suddenly with her free hand she aggressively slaps my hand away, shocking me so much that my grip around her wrist loosens. She turns to the women again, and begs them to please get her out of here. She sounds panicked, as though she is desperate to get as far away from me as possible.

This time I am not going to let her slip out of my grasp. I turn her around and grab both her wrists and pull her close to me. I stare into her eyes. She again tries to break away from me, now she has tears streaming down her face. It breaks my heart to see her look so miserable, especially knowing that I am the cause. She tries to break free and even the young woman, who I heard Tris call Jessica, tries to pry my hands off.

"Tris, it is you! I lo..." and suddenly I am forcibly grabbed by two security officers and yanked away from her. She looks relieved as she rubs her wrists and takes a step away from me. She won't even look at me as she turns and begins walking away from me. The younger woman, Jessica, looks at me so sadly and just frowns. The older woman says something to the guards that are holding me – she asks them to wait a few minutes before releasing me and then she quietly walks over to me, looks at me with sympathy and slips her business card into my hand. She tells me that we will talk soon, and she asks that I try to calm down.

When I accept I am not going to be able to break free, I scream for everyone and Tris to hear, "Tris! I love you!" I see her pause for a moment, her shoulders shaking. Her friend puts her arm around her shoulders and they keep walking away, neither looking back at me.

A few moments pass and I immediately act calm for the guards' benefit. I calculate how fast I will need to run in order to catch up to her. The guards holding me ask I am ready to be calm and control myself. I nod my head in agreement.

They let me go and explain to me that there is a lot more going on here then what meets the eye. I frown and look over the business card I was handed. The woman's name is Kelly White and she is a case worker that specializes in trauma.

I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

I turn around and see that Christina has been standing there, probably the entire time. She looks very upset, not that I blame her. But the truth is, I can't worry about her right now.

I walk over to her, and she looks at me expectantly. As though she already knows what I am going to say.

Before I can speak Christina gets close and attempts to put her arms around my neck, I instantly recoil and catch her hands. She frowns, and shakes her head at me in disappointment.

"Tobias, think about what you are doing, take a breath. What we have is real, it is really good, we are good. Remember what we have, the things we have done together, I don't want to lose you," Christina says as she steps closer to me. I am instantly reminded of that moment a month ago when I first leaned in to kiss Chris. She had been standing so close to me then too, and she had been pushing and pushing so hard for me to move on from my grief. I shake my head to push that thought out of my mind. I can't think about all of that right now.

Tris is my number one priority. I take a large step away from Christina as I release her hands gently. I don't want to be cruel, but I also know where my heart is.

"I'm sorry, but I've got to go. It's Tris," I say to her and turn on my heel to run after Tris.

Christina will just have to wait.

+o++++o+ Chapter End +o++++o+


	4. Chapter 4: Earlier Today

+0+++0+

Chapter 4: Earlier Today

^^ Day 3 ^^

*Tris POV*

As Kelly and Jessica guided me quickly back to our secured floor I feel as though I am walking through a haze. Did I really just see that?

Did I really just see Tobias sucking face with Christina, the loud mouth Candor as he would call her, in the middle of a crowd? How could he? Of all people...Christina? My best friend.

Of all the women he could have moved on to... The moment the phrase "move on" enters my mind, I feel a stab of pain. Tobias is over me. He has moved on, as though I was nothing to him. If he gave a shit, I would imagine that getting all up on Christina would have been difficult for him.

As soon as we push through security I break away from the ladies and sprint to my room. I run to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet. I feel as though I am about to be sick again when I hear a soft knock at my bathroom door.

It is Kelly and another one of the support staff, they would like to sit down and talk with me. I nod my head and agree. After I brush my teeth I walk out and sit on my bay window bench, I feel comforted when I am there.

Kelly asks me to begin and reminds me that this is a safe place, and they are here to support me – no matter what.

Tears begin streaming down my face, I don't even know where to begin. Finally, I find the words. To me it feels as though just a couple of nights ago Tobias and I made love. Made love for the first time, actually. I smile at the memory as the tears continue to stream down my face.

It was heartbreaking to me, to see him and Christina, who is my best friend. Her of all people.

I try to continue but then I just keep repeating the same thing. How could he have moved on, with her of all people? I just keep going back to that.

Finally I ask if I can just spend some time alone. I am so very tired and I just want to close my eyes for a moment. I smile at them to convince them that I am OK. They agree and tell me they will check on me later.

The truth is that I am not ok. Dark thoughts enter my mind, I feel like I am drowning in the pain.

The image of how carefree and happy Tobias looked while with her. He genuinely looked so content. And then I have a memory from our past.

+o+

We were fighting after he and everyone had found out that I killed Will, one of my best friends, and Christina's boyfriend.

Tobias was furious with me, he wanted me to have trusted him enough to tell him. He didn't like that I had blurted it out in front of hundreds of people, I had snapped back asking since it was not enough that I told him, that I also needed to worry about the setting, I had sarcastically asked him if next time I should brew some tea and make sure the lighting was right.

Tobias let out a frustrated sound and had turned away from me, pacing a few steps. When he turned back to face me, his cheeks were splotchy. It was the first time I had ever seen his face change color.

He quietly had told me, "Sometimes, it isn't easy to be with you, Tris." He then looked away from me.

+o+

I replay that sentence in my mind again and again.

It isn't easy to be with me.

I wish I was selfless. I wish I could swallow my pain, instead of it swallowing me alive. I feel as though I am being ripped apart from the inside. I should be happy for them. They are happy, happy together.

It isn't easy to be with me.

Christina is easy to be happy with.

I am not.

I'm not.

It isn't easy to be with me.

Suddenly the door to my dorm slams open, Tobias storms in. The look on his face startles me, he looks crazed. But the moment he sees me sitting at my bay window his face relaxes and he actually smiles at the sight of me. The woman that normally mans the check in desk runs in behind him to tell us that security has been called. Tobias turns to her and gently guides her out of my room and shuts the door firmly behind her.

The next moment he has run over to me and is quickly yanking me up from sitting. The feeling of his hands on my arms sends little shock waves throughout my body. I think he feels it too, as he moans my name. I am suddenly crushed against his chest as he cradles me against him. I feel his desperation.

He pauses for a moment to look me over, he checks arms, my face, my neck and then he even pulls up my shirt to see one of my gunshot wounds that has healed nicely. I'm frozen in shock, but his closeness is still very familiar to me.

Tobias lets out a cry and suddenly his one hand is cradling my face while the other goes to the small of my back, essentially pulling me so close to him.

I finally look him in the eyes, which I have been avoiding this entire time. And I see him, I see the man I love. I bite my lip and start to cry softly, I raise my hand to his face just so I can actually feel him.

At the contact he sobs my name and turns his head so he can kiss my palm, the way he says my name sends a shiver down my spine. It is so raw, so emotion filled. He loves me. I know that he does. Even still.

The next moment he is leaning down and gently kisses my lips. My heart flutters with love, and I close my eyes. He gently kisses me again and again. His lips begin to part and with each kiss he adds a little more pressure, and then his tongue gently caressing my lower lip with each new kiss. Suddenly I can resist him no more, I thread my fingers into his hair and he makes his move.

He parts my lips with his tongue and slowly we begin kissing as though the world was about the end

He parts my lips with his tongue and slowly we begin kissing as though the world was about the end. Our breaths mingling together, I begin making breathy little pants that I can't control. Tobias moans while cupping my chin and somehow manages to deepen our kiss as he swallows my whimpers. He pulls me so tightly against him that I can feel his arousal against my stomach.

That snaps me out of the moment, as I picture her face. Christina.

I pull away from our kiss and move my body away from him. I gasp for air as I try to get control over my breathing.

"No, I am never letting you go, Tris," Tobias says gruffly as he pulls me back into his embrace and presses his lips against mine again.

I turn my away from him before I let his kiss lead to me getting carried away again.

"Stop, Tobias," I say firmly. We both pause to look at each other.

I stare deep into his eyes. "I want the truth. Are you having sex with Christina?" I ask firmly, I am holding my breath waiting for him to speak.

And then I see the answer on his face and my heart breaks. My body begins to tremble as the enormity of this truth hits me. He looks so pained, he begs me to forgive him. He begins to explain to me how broken he was, he was devastated over my death.

A coldness washes over me. Devastated? An image of Tobias and Christina naked in a bed, with him pushing in and out of her pops in my mind and I physically shudder in disgust. Disgust and a raging jealousy course through my body at once.

At that moment the door to my room opens, neither Tobias nor I even look over to see who it is.

"When was the last time you had sex with her?" I ask coldly.

"Tris, it doesn't matter. That is over now, I didn't know you were alive," Tobias fumbles frantically.

"When?!" I repeat loudly.

He starts crying, "Tris, I love you. Only you."

"When, Tobias? The truth," I say firmly and quietly this time. I stare deep into his eyes, drowning for a moment in their beautiful blue color I've always loved.

He gulps, his adam's apple bobs, he looks me in the eyes and I see the shame he feels. "Earlier today," he says softly.

I feel as though the room is spinning, bile rises up in my throat. Again, images of them having passionate sex enter my mind. I am horrified...today. Today!

"Get out of here. I never want to see you again," I say softly, thinking about how he just stormed into my room and put his mouth on me, his tongue down my throat. His hands pressing my entire body tightly against him.

My lips draw into a thin line, I see red. My heart beats faster, my breathing becomes more labored and shallow as I snap.

"How dare you kiss me?!" I screech at him as I slap him so hard across his face, catching the side of his mouth. The strength of my hand forcing his face to turn away from me.

When he turns his face back to me he looks stunned.

"Damn you!" I spit at him. "You had sex with Christina earlier today, and then you think it is ok to come here, and put your mouth on me!?

Tobias's eyes grow wide as his face visibly pales.

"Do you have such little respect for me that you think it's ok to even touch me after you stuck your dick in another woman this morning?! Not just any woman, but my best friend!" I am now screaming at the top of my lungs, as I burst into real tears. My shoulders shaking with angry sobs.

"Tris!? Please, stop! This isn't you, just stop," he begs me.

I channel all of my rage and shove him as hard as I can towards the door. "Get out! Get out of my room, get out of my life! Go!"

"Tris, I'm sorry. I can't be without you, I love you," he is sobbing, his face is blotchy with tears.

"Go to hell, and take her with you," I cry while shoving him again towards the door.

"Who the hell are you, Tobias? Aggressively kissing like that in public, you were never ok with that! Or is she such a fucking turn-on for you that you don't care where the hell you are?" I feel my anger taking over, I clench my fists and press them to my sides. "You were so willing to wait for me to be ready to make love, you made me think that sex meant something special to you too, but I guess Christina is just too sexy to resist!"

"No- it wasn't- I-" he stutters.

"Shut the hell up!" I hiss.

I want to hit him, I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. But I won't, because I am not a monster. Even if I feel like one right now.

He attempts to step closer to me, slowly extending his hands as though he were approaching a wild animal.

I hate him.

"You disgust me, get out of here now!" I am shoving him towards the door with all of the strength I can manage.

He accepts my physical rebuke and is openly crying now, and begging me not to push him away.

The security guards that had been watching the end of our exchange grab Tobias and begin to pull him out of my room. Another stands in front of me, asking me to calm down immediately or they will have to restrain me as well. I step away from them all and nod at the guard in understanding.

My rage and energy are suddenly gone. I feel defeated and empty.

I walk over to stand at my window, my back to Tobias and bury my head in my hands as I begin to sob desperately. In that moment I know, I feel a part of me die. I accept that Tobias Eaton and I are done. I will never forgive him for this.

My shoulders shake as I cry into myself, I wrap my arms tightly around myself and squeeze as tightly as a I can. My heart is breaking. I don't even make out what words Tobias is screaming as he is dragged away from my room.

Nor do I care.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+

Author's Note: Sometimes things will get worse, before they get better.


	5. Chapter 5: It's Over

+0+++0+

Chapter 5: It's Over

^^ Day 3 ^^

*Tobias POV*

I desperately turn my head to look back at Tris as I am being dragged out of her room. I am yelling for her to just hear me out, telling her that I need her in my life. It kills me to see the way that her shoulders are shaking as she sobs. She is hurting so badly and it is all my fucking fault, I hate this, I hate myself. I'm quickly escorted out of the main hallway and out past the secured doors.

Waiting outside is Kelly White, the therapist that had handed me her card earlier. She walks over and asks me if I am calm enough to have a conversation so that I can learn about what is going on. I decide in that moment that I need to know what the hell happened to Tris. I stop resisting the guards that are restraining me and urge Kelly to tell me.

She explains to me that the area I was just dragged out of is a secure wing that is not just for Tris, but for multiple women that were held captive until recently. It is a place for all the victims to recuperate and feel safe. I frown, understanding the meaning behind her words.

I apologize for the disruption and agree to calm down. She nods to the guards to show me to a conference room to the side of the large room we are standing in.

As we are walking I notice off to the side there is a man that is crying loudly and holding a woman with two small little girls, their small arms wrapped around her legs. I hear the older child cry, "I am so glad you are home mommy!"

I feel a lump rise in my throat. It is such a personal moment, so raw yet so beautiful. I am happy for these strangers, but it also amplifies the despair I feel about my situation with Tris.

Kelly explains that Tris had already signed a legal waiver for me to be able to hear her confidential legal and medical information. I nod my head for her to continue. I am given a briefing on the multiple kidnappings of Genetically Pure women from the Bureau and Providence over the last couple of years. A secret lab where testing took place was discovered and Tris was one of the victims found that was alive, but in a medically induced coma. Kelly explains to me that although a year has passed for me, to Tris it feels like the day she woke up from her coma, was just a day after she last saw me.

My head is pounding at how painful my relationship with Christina has to be for her. Earlier when my passion for Tris took over, I wasn't even aware Chris existed- that moment it was only Tris in my heart. She was right, it was not ok for me to push intimacy with her so soon. Especially since I have not ended things with Chris. It doesn't make it right, but I was desperate for Tris, but that's still no excuse. I do love and respect her. I need to treat her as such, not just say it.

I am also shaking with fury to learn that she was held for a year, like a lab rat and experimented on. I have to take a moment to get up and walk around. I want to break something, or someone.

I hate this situation. While I was living my life, my love was in a terrible situation and God only knows what she was enduring. While I was screwing Christina this last month. Tears fill my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away. I realize that Tris is going through something terrible, and all I have done is make things even worse for her.

I walk back in the room, I know that Kelly knows what is going on because of my dating Christina.

"Kelly, please listen to me. I adore Tris, she is the love of my life. I have never stopped loving her, not for one moment. If I could turn back time, and not have started something with her best friend, I would. I know I've hurt her, but she loves me too. Can you help us? Please?" the emotion in my voice is thick, pleading even.

She looks at me sympathetically and assures me that Tris has a strong support system here, from doctors, to therapists and even other women who are going through similar situations. I nod my head in understanding.

She also explains as a loved one, I am also allotted therapy hours to support me. I just nod.

She asks me to be patient and wait until I hear from her. I tell her I will try, it is the best I can do. I ask her to please let Tris know I am sorry, that I love her, and that I am ending things with Christina immediately. Kelly nods her head sympathetically, but tells me her role as a therapist is not to deliver promises. She suggests I tell Tris myself about any changes, after actually done.

As I walk back out through their visiting area I see the woman from earlier, the one that had been reunited with her husband and daughters, now sitting on a couch, she is smiling and talking with the younger woman that was with Tris earlier. I believe her name was Jessica. I remember how fiercely she tried to protect Tris, even going as far as trying to physically pry my hands off of Tris's wrists.

I slowly walk over to the ladies, the moment Jessica sees me I see her stiffen and she mumbles something to the other woman. Jessica tells the woman named Michelle that I am Tobias, the one Tris had told them about. Both women look at me with straight faces, but their eyes are blazing with irritation.

I first apologize to Jessica for anything I may have done earlier to upset her, and especially Tris. She slowly nods her head in acceptance. Michelle looks me over with pursed lips. I guess she has been brought up to speed on what a douche bag I am. I sigh, and tell both women that I made a mistake, that I still love Tris and that I had never ever stopped. And that I never would. I tell them, if they have a chance, please tell Tris I am sorry and I want to work on proving myself to her again.

They nod softly.

Before I walk out of their sight, I look back once, "I know I am asking alot, but please, remind Tris that I love her."

Both the women finally give me a small smile and agree they will pass along the message.

+o++++o+

As I trudge through the bureau hallways towards the temporary offices that Johanna has secured for our support team I can barely concentrate on where I am walking. My mind is reeling, it takes every ounce of self-control that I have to not turn around and run back to break into Tris's room again. I am desperate to hold her in my arms, hell, even if she doesn't want me to touch her. I would be satisfied just being able to look at her. She is alive, she looks healthy and strong, she is as beautiful as ever.

I physically cringe remembering the sloppy kiss that Christina and I shared as we exited the transport. I am sure Tris saw it all. I hate that I hurt her, and in this moment, I hate that it even happened. I know I need to end things with Christina, as soon as possible.

As I enter the offices some of my peers immediately run over to see if I am ok. I assure them I am fine, and then I am told that Johanna wants to see me in her office as soon as possible. I hurry in as there are things I want to discuss with her as well.

"Tobias, how are you? Everyone is completely shocked. How is Tris, is she ok?!" Johanna asks rising from her desk to approach me. She places her hand on my arm as a gesture of support.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, "Things are really messed up, but I need to get it sorted out. Tris is alive, and that means everything to me. I may need a favor from you."

"Anything," she assures me.

I explain to her the situation and that it is still on a news blackout as there are still some victims that have not been pulled out of their comas yet. She nods her head and wonders if this subject is going to be covered at her leadership meeting tomorrow, it is listed as high priority and top secret. She is allowed to bring one staff member that has previously been vetted, which I have. I look at her and before I even ask she tells me I can go with her. I nod my head appreciatively.

I then explain to her that the former captives are going to remain at the bureau for the time being in a secure wing and that they will be provided with counseling, security and even moral support from other victims. The favor I ask of Johanna, while Tris is staying at the bureau – I won't leave here. Not without her.

Johanna agrees with me, and we work out that I will be moving to the bureau and telecommuting while also working side by side with my team members that are already situated here permanently. I'll basically be moving here effective immediately.

She asks me how Tris is again. I frown and tell her the truth, that Tris found out immediately and with her own eyes that Christina and I were a couple.

Johanna raises her eyebrows at me, "Were a couple?"

I sigh and sit down, admitting I still need to talk to Christina – but yes, we are over. There is no doubt or question in my mind or especially my heart.

Johanna doesn't look surprised. She knows me well.

Johanna warns me that Christina is very upset, I cringe hearing this. I am not looking forward to hurting Chris. Johanna gives me the same advice that she gave Christina earlier today in the terminal bay after I ran off after Tris- -

Life can be hard, as this situation is, but we all have to make peace with the position we are in, and try to be respectful and mindful of each other as we all move forward.

Johanna tells me that Christina was given a key to the hotel room I was assigned for my visit. I ask if I can get an additional room as I will not be staying with Christina now.

Johanna winks at me and hands me the key to my new room, she anticipated would need it. I take my new key and head over to talk with Christina. This is not going to be easy, but it is necessary.

+o++++o+

As I knock on the hotel room door I go over what I need to say to her. What I was not expecting was for Christina to open the door while wearing sexy lingerie. My mouth falls open but I quickly avert my eyes. She tries to pull me into the room, but I refuse.

She tries to pull me into the room, but I refuse

"Christina, please get dressed. We need to have a conversation, you need to put your real clothes on, and now," I say calmly.

She huffs and agrees. Once she reopens the door wearing her outfit from earlier, I enter. I see that my luggage is in the corner of the room.

I sigh and rub the back of my neck with my hand. "It's her Chris. Tris is really alive." I am expecting some kind of reaction, they were best friends.

Christina is standing still, finally saying, "What do you expect me to do Four? Jump up and down with joy that she is back, and now I am losing you?!"

I frown at her, holding her gaze. I give her a moment to speak before I continue. She doesn't say a word.

"Look, no matter. I just needed to have a conversation with you. We can no longer see each other romantically, in fact I am going to take my luggage and get a different room. I believe Johanna already talked to you about needing you to keep your scheduled return flight and then releasing this hotel room the morning you fly out," I say calmly.

Christina moves closer and I stiffen. "I love you, Four, and I don't want to lose you."

It is the first time she has used the L-word, but I already knew how she felt. I smile at her sadly but I can't return the sentiment. I am honest with her, I tell her that her friendship has helped me so much over the last year. And that I recognize that if it wasn't for her stopping me from taking memory serum, I would not be here as the man I am today.

Most importantly, I tell her that I do care for her, but that what we shared will never compare to what I feel for Tris. I remind her, that no matter how much she had pressured me to move on, I had not nor would I ever have really gotten over Tris.

Christina snaps, "Oh! So it's my fault that we got together?!"

"No! That is not what I am saying. I take full responsibility for my role in all of this. I am a grown man, and I made choices. Just like I am making my choices now," I finish.

Christina moves closer to me and asks me if I had already forgotten our quickie from this morning. I frown at her for even bringing that up. It is also a painful reminder to me how it devastated Tris to learn about that.

"Chris, of course not. I remember it all, but please understand, what I have felt for you this month was special, but it was nothing compared to what I will always feel for Tris. I hope we can remain friends, but I understand if we can't..."

Christina looks furious, "You are making a mistake. By the way, how did your wonderful reunion go?"

I physically shudder at her question as the last image I have is of Tris, sobbing with her back to me, flashes through my mind.

Chris snorts, as though my reaction confirms her suspicions, "You forget that I know her too, Tobias. As her best friend I know how her mind works as she processes things, her deep insecurities, her rigid expectations regarding intimacy...she'll never get over us. She was my best friend, I suffered when she died, you aren't the only person who lost someone that day! You are not the only person that loved her. But I know her. Tris is never going to truly forgive me, and she especially will never get passed what you did with me."

While blocking out the meaning of Chris's words, I frown, "What's happening between Tris and I, is going to stay between just us."

Christina is wrong. She has to be. I pick up my suitcase and head for the door.

"Christina, I am sorry about all of this. We are done. I do wish you well," I say as I quickly close the door behind me.

I hear a frustrated scream come from inside the room as soon as the door closed.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I walk away. I am glad that's done.

It's over.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	6. Chapter 6: Setting Expectations

+0+++0+

Chapter 6: Setting Expectations

^^ Day 4 ^^

*Tris POV*

I open my eyes as the morning light streams in through my room's windows. Immediately the pounding headache I went to sleep with reminds me that it's still here. The headache is from all of the crying I have done in the last twenty-four hours.

I turn to look at the clock on my nightstand. Ah yes, actually at this time yesterday I still was happy. I still had love in my life. I still believed in my friends. I still believed in myself.

Last night I met with my support team. I immediately told them that I needed to find out where my brother was and how he is doing. I didn't want to deal with any more surprises, and they agreed. They were going to find out about Caleb and circle back with me.

I decide to close my eyes and try to sleep some more. At least when I sleep, I can feel peace. Part of me wonders if things would have been different had I been part of the first group that was woken up two weeks ago. My morbid curiosity wonders how long they have been together.

How long did it take him to get over me enough to start having sex with my best friend?

I scold myself. Who cares? What difference does it really make? Whether Tobias got over me a week after I died, or a year, or five years...the thought of him and Christina makes me sick. Of all of the people they could have turned to...

Stop.

I have to stop this.

There is a knock at my door, I try to ignore it.

The knocking just gets louder. "Come in!" I yell from under my covers. The door opens slowly.

"Oh honey, we came to drag you out of bed, or your wallows of sadness as I like to call it. Get up, don't make me carry you," Jessica say firmly as she charges in my room. "I am much stronger than I look."

I notice that Michelle has the courtesy to lean against my doorframe and watch as Jessica storms in like a tornado. When we make eye contact she gives me a kind and reassuring look. She is so pretty- reddish, straight hair and light cream skin. She is delicate as well, her tall thin frame and a very soft and comforting voice. She is someone that I look at and imagine must be the most wonderful mother.

Suddenly I hear that Jessica has started the shower and is rummaging through my clothes, she looks over her shoulder, "Get moving – I will pick something out for you by the time you have finished your shower."

I sigh, there is no use fighting her. Jessica is tornado, that won't give up – she is the picture of cute, perky, and beautiful. She is very petite, but unlike me she has incredible curves in all the right places. She has thick, straight blond hair, and a confident smile that demands attention.

After my shower, and a couple of wardrobe negotiations, we head over to breakfast. I haven't seen Michelle since before each of us split off the morning before. I had asked Jessica to get her up to speed on my situation with Tobias.

As we sit down I tell them that before anything negative is said, I want to hear only good details about Michelle's reunion with her husband and children. She smiles at me and squeezes my hand before diving into her story.

As she predicted, her younger daughter did not actually remember her, but the amazing news was that her husband and other family made it a priority to talk about her nonstop to her children, and show them photos and videos. It was a very emotional reunion, and they have a lot of work to put in.

Michelle cleared her throat, and told us that she and her husband- alone- had a very early morning session with a therapist facilitating it

Michelle cleared her throat, and told us that she and her husband- alone- had a very early morning session with a therapist facilitating it. Although he is single now, he did briefly date another woman for a couple of months earlier this year. It didn't work out between them, and it never got serious enough that he introduced her to the girls. Michelle wipes a tear from her eye, and she slips her hand into mine. I didn't even realize I had started crying. I apologize to her, I didn't mean to carry my baggage into her story. Jessica calls us assholes for making her cry so early in the morning and she hugs us both. We burst into laughter.

Michelle admits that it hurts that her husband had relations with another women. They are working through it with the help of the therapists. She says that she would have been even more upset if he had brought that woman into the lives of her children.

I ask her if she knew the woman. Her eyes widen, and she says no. Michelle squeezes my hand, and admits that if it had been a woman that she was close to...she could not even imagine that added complication. Especially one that had been by her side during her entire relationship with her husband. I just nod, my thoughts racing.

I notice that Michelle and Jess keep making faces at each other, I can sense there is something they want to talk to me about.

"Ok, let's hear it. What's going on?" I press.

"Michelle and I were talking in the visiting center last night after her family left, and Tobias was getting out of his meeting with Kelly and...security." Jessica laughs, she took great enjoyment is seeing Tobias manhandled by the guards yesterday. She is 'fucking appalled' about him and Christina, her words.

Michelle loudly clears her throat and gives Jessica a sour look, Jessica mouths 'sorry' to me before Michelle talks, "We just wanted to let you know that Tobias recognized Jessica, and came over to speak with us."

I feel my stomach tighten as I nod for her to continue.

"He started by apologizing to Jessica, and he was sorry if anything he did yesterday was upsetting to her or you."

"Him sucking face with Christina was upsetting to me," I pipe up.

Jessica laughs, Michelle rolls her eyes at my joke.

"Tris, come on. You know you still care about him." She looks at me and I shrug for her to keep going.

"Tobias told us that he made a mistake, but he is still in love with you and he never stopped. The main thing, he wanted us to tell you that he is sorry and he wants to work at proving himself to you again," Michelle finishes.

Jessica chimes in, "Look, I hate him on your behalf, which is impressive considering how good-looking he is, like so pretty to look at, but Tris – hearing him talk about you. I could tell he really meant it...he loves you."

I listen to the girls and say nothing. When they are done, I clear my throat before talking. I tell them about our fight yesterday in my room, which was very painful. I explain to the girls that I met with Kelly and two other counselors last night for a very long session. We even followed up this morning after I had a night to sleep on it. And I tell them what is going to happen later today. Michelle has a therapy appointment scheduled with her girls, but Jessica will be able to come with me. I nod in thanks, I can really use her support.

+o+++o+

Before lunch I sit down with Kelly to review the file of information they obtained for Caleb. It shows me that he works very hard in a lab and is running a research project, there is not much of anything else. I ask if they were able to pull any information regarding his personal life. I notice that Kelly frowns, I ask her to please be honest with me. She admits that they were able to review his phone records and interview some of his peers - - all information indicates that he has no personal attachment and is very work driven.

I bite my lip, my mind racing. Oh Caleb, what have you been doing? Just working nonstop? What about friends, co-workers, love, human interaction?

I sigh and thank Kelly for the information. I ask her if we can please call him and just tell him, she agreed and we did just that.

+o+++o+

Caleb cried when he heard my voice, he is going to be on the earliest transport he can get. I cry too, and tell him that I miss him and I really need him. He is the only family I have left. Caleb is suddenly quiet on the phone.

"Did you know about Four? And Christina?" I ask softly.

Caleb pauses for a few moments, "I suspected it was either happening, or about to happen. Christina, from what I could gather, has been eying him for a while...and it was about a month ago that I saw... I mean... "

"Just say it, Caleb," I insist.

He clears his throat, I can tell he is so uncomfortable, "It was about a month ago that I saw that Four was flirting with her as well...I could tell that he liked her...I'm so sorry Beatrice. I wish this never happened to you."

Tears are streaming down my face, I gulp before assuring him, "It doesn't matter now, Caleb. It just doesn't matter. Please just be safe and get here soon. I love you."

"I love you too, Beatrice," he finishes.

We hang up and I smile, I can't wait to see my brother again.

I just need to make it through today.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+ +o+++o+

+o+++o+

*Tobias POV*

I am lost in thought as I follow Johanna out of the high security leadership meeting that just wrapped up. Her suspicion that it would be about Tris's situation was on point. My purpose at the meeting was to sit in the back with the other support staff and record notes and action items for the officials in the room.

It almost killed me to hear in great detail the security and investigation logs for this open case. They found eleven bodies in the morgue attached to the lab, all bodies were frozen solid and autopsies were still taking place. All of the files were already moved, so we don't even know what the hell this was about. It makes me sick.

A total of eighteen women were saved, and not all have been awoken at this time. Per my understanding Tris was in the second group of women, while the first group was woken up two weeks ago.

For a moment I wonder if things would be different for us right now, had Tris been selected to awake two weeks ago.

I remind myself that I was already having sex with Christina then, I shudder. The only possible difference would have been if I could have confessed to Tris first, tried to explain to her. Instead she found out by watching me with my tongue down Christina's throat in the middle of a crowded terminal. I even think back to the smile I gave Christina after the kiss was over...the only way the situation could have been worse was if I had grabbed her ass in the middle of the transport bay. Damn it!

Johanna interrupts my thoughts as we rush back to our offices, "Tobias, I am sure that was difficult to hear, but I need the team to make this issue a priority. Half the officials in that room are up for re-election or vying to take someone's current position, myself included. This horrible act, and the fact it is unsolved, is going to be a major discussion point in the rallies this week. The news blackout order is in place for one more week, and then we need to be ready to talk about it."

I nod my head, I was able to type detailed notes and I am friendly with another assistant that was in the meeting, we had agreed to exchange our personal notes so that we could each have a stronger understanding of the issues.

We discuss the meeting participants and what the next two weeks will look like. There are some real assholes involved in the current administration. So many rumors of corruption, but almost impossible to prove. We even discuss that it was risky to count on everyone in that room to comply with the media blackout. Johanna has honor, and I know our team will.

Johanna knows I am under a lot of stress with the Tris and Christina issue, so she asks that I just turn over the completed notes to her and after her review she will put two other staff members on point. I thank her.

I was assigned a permanent office as I will be staying at the bureau for the time being. Again, my hopes are that Tris and I will reconcile and then she will come home with me and we can start our lives together in Chicago.

Speaking of Chicago, I contact Evelyn and explain the situation. She is stunned. To her credit, she says nothing about the mess I find myself in. My mother was not at all impressed or pleased when I started dating Christina.

I ask Evelyn to do me a favor: take care of my apartment while I am gone. She can move back – get settled in the city, while also having her own space. I also ask her to pack up the few items that Christina left there over the past month, I want every trace of her gone. I can just imagine returning with Tris and her finding Christina's hot pink toothbrush at my bathroom sink. Evelyn happily agrees. I warn her not to make waves with Christina or be mean, this is a bad situation for everyone. She assures me she will control herself.

There is suddenly a knock at my office door. I say goodbye to Evelyn and invite the person to enter. I am surprised when I see one of the bureau guards walk in. He is not one I have met yet. "Is Tris ok?" I quickly ask.

"Yes, Ms. Prior is fine. She's having a good day, I just saw her at the secure section of the center. She has made some good friends already, and they spend a lot of time together," he says with a smile.

For a moment jealousy courses through me, I would like to be able to just see her, I am desperate to spend time with her

For a moment jealousy courses through me, I would like to be able to just see her, I am desperate to spend time with her. I have to force myself to not run over to the secure area and stalk her. It is times like this I miss my job in surveillance. I would watch her all day long.

The guard continues, "I was sent here to deliver this invitation. Ms. Prior and her support team would like to start their counseling sessions with you. This is what all the former captives are working on." He continues on about the therapy sessions they are doing for all the former captives, but I am not really listening.

I look over the written directions in my hand, it lists time and place. I smile to myself. This was mentioned in Johanna's meeting – the bureau is providing support to help the former-captives and their loved ones to work together and heal. Start their lives together.

Tris is ready to start working on us. I believe we have a future, we can get past this blip and move forward.

The meeting is set right before dinner time, I am hopeful that Tris will be willing to have a quiet meal after. I love her, and I have missed her so much. I just want to spend time together. I want to share the details of my last year with her.

I ask Johanna if I can leave a little early, I want to shower and dress nice for my meeting with Tris. She agrees and wishes me luck.

+o+++o+

As I quickly walk through the bureau I realize that I am headed towards a conference center that is not in the direction of the site where Tris and the others are staying. I shrug off the possible meaning and arrive on time. There is a guard at the door, this one I do recognize from yesterday. He gives me a small frown and holds open the door for me so I can enter.

My face falls when I see that Christina is already seated at the large table. What the hell is she doing here?!

"Tobias, good to see you. I have missed you...a lot," she says softly.

My mouth is hanging open, why would Tris want to see us both? At the same time.

"Hey Chris...I hope you are doing ok. But what are you doing here?" I ask briskly.

She sighs and shrugs her shoulders, like me – she was invited here by one of the guards, she was told that Tris requested she attend.

I make it a point to sit at the table, but a few seats away from Christina. She frowns at me when I do. I remind her that nothing has changed for me.

"You know Tobias...it may not seem like it. But I'm happy Tris is alive. I still love her, she was my best friend. Things are just really complicated for me. I feel like I'm trapped in a lose - lose situation."

I nod my head and give Chris a small smile as she wipes a tear from her cheek. This is a hard situation.

Suddenly the doors open and two more guards enter, followed by Kelly White, Tris, her friend Jessica, and two other women that I do not recognize.

Tris does not even make eye contact with Christina or I when she enters, I can see how uncomfortable she is by the way her fingers are pulling at the scarf she has tied around her neck. I look at her and smile, she is so beautiful. She looks healthy, and strong, her face is so full of color, full of life. Her hair is almost as long as it was when we first met.

I remember kissing her yesterday. I know it upset her, but I don't regret it. I could never regret holding her. Holding Tris close to me and feeling the way both of our bodies responded to each other's touch and kisses...reminded me what it feels like to really love someone.

I want her, not just for some mindless physical drive but a real, specific desire. Not for "someone," just for her. I felt this way about her before, and I still feel it now.

Kelly clears her throat, snapping me out of my Tris-Daydream. I see that all eyes in the room are on me, I mumble a sorry and stare at Tris. We lock eyes for a moment, I want her to know I was thinking about her. She blushes and averts her eyes.

Kelly thanks Christina and I for agreeing to meet with them today. We both nod. I then notice that Tris will not even look in Christina's general direction, while Christina, on the other hand, is staring her down. I frown, again worried about how being in the same room with both girls is a bad idea at this point.

Kelly introduces the two other women in the room that I don't know. They are both counselors that are part of the team and will be made available to Christina and I for a future session if we decide we need it. Lastly, she introduces Jessica, who is here for Tris's moral support.

I notice that Christina turns her stare to Jessica. Jessica gives Christina the most obvious "F U Bitch" look I have ever seen, and then smirks at her. This is not good.

Tris clears her throat and then begins to speak. Her voice is soft, but firm.

She looks at Christina for the first time, and then at me, before she begins. Her eyes look sad, I feel a pang in my heart.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I wanted this chance to speak to you both in person. This will help me a lot, to move forward," Tris pauses to look at Kelly, who smiles at her with encouragement.

"Tobias, Christina... I know logically that you thought I was dead. I do understand that. So I know that technically neither one of you did anything 'wrong' per say. I do want to make it clear, that I see that, and it is something that I am working to accept."

Tris clears her throat.

"For me personally, I don't ever see myself getting past you two being together...having sex. I honestly feel like it is something that will haunt me forever, and always be looming over my head."

Tris bites the inside of her cheek for a moment before continuing, "Neither one of you owe me anything, not even an apology, not an explanation of whatever this thing between you both is, means..."

I have to interrupt, "Tris! I told you and I meant it, the moment I knew you were alive, there was nothing going on between Christina and me. We are done. You are the one I want!"

I hate to hurt Christina, and talk about her this way in front of everyone – but I can't risk losing Tris. I need her to understand.

"That's just great, Tobias. Really rub my face in it," Christina hisses at me. I frown and tell her I am sorry, but it is the truth.

"Please let Tris finish. Afterwards, the two of you can work out your own issues," Kelly White says.

I feel a chill go through me, after? After what?!

"As I was saying, I know you didn't technically do anything wrong. I just came to say goodbye. I don't ever want to think about either of you ever again," Tris says firmly. I see the resolve on her face. "The bottom line- although you are not in the wrong...I can't even look at either of you without feeling sick. I no longer want you guys to be in my life, in any way."

I see that Christina is drawing her lips in a fine line, and she looks ready to explode. I am stunned at what I am hearing. Is this a joke?!

Tris begins standing up, "Thank you for meeting me, to say a last goodbye...and I do wish both of you well in life. Please respect my wishes and just leave me alone. I promise to do the same. Goodbye."

I open my mouth to protest but Christina beats me to it.

"Gee, how gracious of you Tris. You are right, we didn't do ANYTHING WRONG!" Christina's voice rising with every word. I notice the guard closest to Tris begins evaluating Christina as though ready to physically restrain her if needed.

"Yeah, I get it Christina. You had no problem running after Tobias when I was gone. We were best friends, if roles were reversed I know you would have a huge issue with this. You don't even try to fake being even a little remorseful. I guess I can respect that. If you had the chance, I am sure you would do it all over again. Like I said, goodbye. I'm done with you." Tris snaps at her, her voice waveres with emotion as she has a fire in her eyes.

My heart stops when Christina rushes into her verbal attack, hitting Tris right where it hurts. "If anyone did anything WRONG, it was YOU, Tris! We all had a plan, and that plan didn't include you dying instead of your loser-brother. You are the one that put Caleb ahead of Tobias. I make him happy now. Tobias has the right to be happy!"

I'm livid! It takes all my self control to not grab Christina by the shoulders and shake her, "Stop it Chris! You don't get to speak for me, and don't you dare talk to Tris like that again!"

It's too late. Tris gasps and her eyes fill with tears at Christina's words. She looks at me, she quickly tries to blink the tears away. Jessica is by her side in an instant to comfort her, she is whispering words in her ear while softly rubbing her back.

I stand to move around the table to approach Tris, two guards warn me to step back and keep my distance.

Tris begins to calm down, and nods at Kelly. Jessica gives Christina the death look, Christina is the one to smirk at her this time.

"I've said all I needed to say. I want to leave now," Tris says while looking at Kelly. They all begin getting up, but Christina just can't control her Candor-mouth.

"Did you think that he would just shrivel up into a little ball and die? Is that what you wanted for him, Tris? Is it?" Christina demands from her.

"Christina – enough! Leave her alone." I bark at her. She is making it really hard for me not to hate her.

"She should hear it, she should know that I was the one that was there for you. I was your emotional support. I saved your life for God's sakes!" Christina directs her words to Tris who has paused to stop and look at her as she finishes, "He confided things in me, his four fears, his relationship with his parents, how Evelyn left him with Marcus... What he and I have is real, you should know that. This is not just some sex thing between us."

Tris's mouth falls open as she looks at me. I see the realization in her face, now she knows. Everything that I had only given to her... was no longer just between us.

Tris stands tall and looks at us both, "I hope you both make each other happy

Tris stands tall and looks at us both, "I hope you both make each other happy. Just go back to forgetting about me. You're so good at it."

I see the cold look in her eyes, she is done. Tris turns and nods to one of the guards to follow her out.

Even though the team that arrived with Tris is filing out of the room, I feel as though the room is getting smaller and smaller around me, "Tris! Wait!" I call out to her.

A look from the guards warns me to forget about following her.

"Forget it, Tobias. Little miss perfect is never going to forgive you," Christina huffs.

"Damn it Christina! What the fuck was that?!" I demand as I rub my temples in frustration.

"That was this conniving little whore, making sure that you would go from having a slim chance of getting Tris back, to absolutely no chance in hell," Jessica chimes. I hadn't even realized she stayed in the room.

She is a petite girl, the pretty type that gives off a very strong air of confidence and entitlement. She is someone I would normally instantly dislike, but I have already seen on numerous occasions that she is loyal and fierce when it comes to Tris, so I find myself liking her...a lot. I have also seen the way this girl offers love and comfort to those she cares about. For a moment I am relieved that Tris has her.

"Who the hell are you?" Christina asks, probably annoyed at being called a whore.

"Tell me Christina, why did you find it necessary to torment Tris like that, throwing your bullshit relationship," Jessica wags her fingers in between Christina and I, "in her face after she was already saying goodbye? You sounded so pathetic and ...

"Tell me Christina, why did you find it necessary to torment Tris like that, throwing your bullshit relationship," Jessica wags her fingers in between Christina and I, "in her face after she was already saying goodbye? You sounded so pathetic and insecure as you rambled on and on."

"Shut up, you bitch!" Christina yells at her, she is furious.

"Tris told you both she is done. So why keep kicking her while she's down?! What is wrong with you, honey?" Jessica turns away from Christina and goes in for the kill.

Turning to me, "Congrats. In your pathetic short lived grief, you landed yourself a real fuckin' bitch with this one. Enjoy her."

My eyes widen at her words, Jessica walks out, the guard that had remained followed closely behind her, and I am left feeling empty and alone. How did this go so poorly? Why did Tris do this to us? I wanted to meet with her alone, to salvage what we had. How can she not even give me a chance to try to work this out?

I sit down to place my face in my hands as I replay the conversations in my mind.

"Tobias, Tris is never going to forgive this. Forgive us. We may as well be happy. Together." Christina says as she places her hand on my shoulder and begins to slowly run her hand down my back.

I recoil from her touch, I want to be considerate of what Christina is also going through, but she was just so cruel to Tris. And Jessica is right, Christina just tried to blow any chance I have with Tris right out of the water. She may have succeeded.

"Chris, I will say it again. No. I am only going to be truly happy if I am with Tris. What I felt for you before was NOTHING compared to what Tris and I had." I stand up, ready to storm out of the conference room.

Before walking out I turn back one last time. "Chris, you should go back to Chicago. You are not wanted here and are in the way. Just go, please. Leave me the hell alone."

I am in a daze as I charge back to my hotel room. I am heartbroken over Tris. To know that she is alive, but doesn't want me in her life - - kills me.

I can't give up. I won't.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	7. Chapter 7: Family

+0+++0+

Chapter 7: Family

^^ Day 6 ^^

*Tris POV*

I am running through my exercise routine with the trainer that is assigned to our group of survivors. The bureau has a technology that allows us to pick a background setting to go around the indoor track. The girls and I have decided the ocean view is our favorite, as we find it the most relaxing and motivating. It is a nice change being the winter months. It is so cold and dreary outside.

Jessica and Michelle are in great shape as well, the technology used when we were each in a coma was incredible. I feel just as fit as I did at the end of my Dauntless initiation.

After our run we sit down to relax and catch up. I have made it a point of staying inside the secure section of the center, I have zero desire to run into Tobias or Christina any time soon. I know I can't hide out forever, but I decided to take a couple of days for myself. I hope they go back to live their happy little lives in Chicago soon.

The meeting to say goodbye to Tobias and Chris was excruciating. I don't know what I expected from Christina, but it sure wasn't that. Michelle and Jessica think that she is reeling from losing Tobias and that she is going to fight for him and lash out whenever possible.

I cringe, remembering the ugly things she said to me. I am disgusted with them both – it was as if I was nothing to him. He replaced me completely, with my best friend. I don't think she even cared that I was alive. No that's not true, she cared, cared enough to be bothered by my existence. Not to mention Chris had zero guilt about being with him, as though she thinks I deserved to be punished. While she deserves him.

Equally painful was the meeting Tobias and I had in the following days. I had not planned on meeting with him, but Jessica and Michelle convinced me that it was wrong not to give Tobias a chance to meet with me one on one. The girls felt that even if we could not move forward, having a goodbye meeting alone with Tobias would be healthy. Not so much, the meeting was very painful for us both.

"Is Caleb going home tonight?" Michelle asks me, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, he is leaving late tonight. I hope he enjoys his new start in Chicago, I am counting on him to keep up his end of the deal."

++o++ Flashback ++o++

I am sitting anxiously waiting for Caleb to be brought to the secure portion of the visiting center. I will not be doing any transport-bay greetings anytime soon.

Suddenly the door opens and standing there is my brother. At seeing him, I am overcome with happiness and sadness. Joy at seeing him in person, and sadness as I miss my mom and dad more than ever in moments like these. What I would give to have them still be here with me, to have my own mom here to help me deal with the Tobias and Christina fiasco.

But they are gone, and Caleb and I are still here. We made it, we survived.

My caseworker, Kelly, joins us after a few minutes of crying on both our parts. Caleb keeps slipping and calling me Beatrice. It doesn't bother me coming from him. That was what he knew me as for the first sixteen years of my life.

He listens intently to Kelly, he is full of technical and medical questions. On more than one occasion he asks me permission to check my pulse, stare into the pupils of my eyes. He seems genuinely concerned that I am actually healthy and really OK. Finally Kelly agrees to take us both on a tour of the medical ward.

As we are touring the facilities, I notice that Caleb begins talking about his research project with some of the doctors. They do seem intrigued and I can see the way that my brother's face lights up. I think about the information the team was able to obtain for me. According to their findings, Caleb's entire life is his research and lab. No one else.

As we sit down to eat lunch, now alone, I bring up the topic I have been waiting to discuss with him.

"Caleb, can you tell me about your life now? Aside from your work." I say encouragingly.

He frowns at me, "What do you mean?"

"Um, who are your friends? Do you like your neighbors? Is there a girl that you like, or even dating?" I pause and smile at him hopefully, "I want to know you, Caleb, please tell me – what has your life been really like?"

Caleb averts his eyes from me and is quiet. I sit and wait, I am not going to let this go. I love him too much to ever let this go.

When he looks back at me, he has tears in his eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, but a gurgled gasp comes out instead. He quickly clamps his mouth shut again and looks away.

"Can we talk about something else?" he says softly.

I move to sit closer to him, "You are all I have left, Caleb. My only family, my only real relationship from my past. I want to be close, I want us to really know each other. Whatever you are feeling or if you are struggling with something, I want to help you, or even just be there for you."

Caleb begins to cry, he admits that he has felt such guilt over my death and that he knows, he has always known that all of our 'friends' hated him and felt nothing but disdain that I had died instead of him. I frown at this, and my back straightens.

In my mind, I imagine these same 'friends' were probably cheering for Tobias and Christina as a couple. Screw them all. We don't need them. I know I don't; not anymore.

I listen to Caleb, and then I push him further. "Ok, that explains your distance from the old gang...but I am guessing all of Chicago doesn't know your history or that I died in your place. So tell me, why do you not have other relationships?"

He doesn't have a real answer and shrugs. He tells me that he is often made fun of, as being 'married to his research'. It is almost as though he has just accepted that is his life now.

"Tris, I want to get married. I would love to have kids one day. I think about how happy mom and dad would have been with grandkids," he gets choked up, "and I am tired of being so alone. The guilt I felt that I was still here, while you were gone...it just became crippling. It was too large for me to push past."

I remind him that I went into the control room and risked my life, so that he could live. I want him to have a life, a full one. I need him to try, even if it is for me. Caleb tells me he understands and he agrees. He actually does want those things too.

I get Caleb up to speed on all that has happened with Tobias and Christina. I tell him about how I found out about them as I saw them kissing in the middle of the transport arrival bay, about Tobias following me to my dorm room and then making a move on me, how I discovered he had just been with Christina that same morning, and finally I tell him about my meeting to cut ties with them.

Caleb is quiet the entire time, he listens intently until I am finished.

"Are you sure this is what you really want, Tris?" Caleb asks me quietly, he seems to be studying me.

I frown, and nod my head in a yes.

He clears his throat before continuing. "When you look at me, you feel as though it was just last week that we were together at the bureau? Just last week that we were in that hallway when you took that backpack away from me, right?"

I nod, not sure where he was going with this.

"So to you, it was just a week ago that you told me to tell Tobias, that if you didn't survive – tell him you didn't want to leave him." Caleb finishes quietly.

A rush of sadness crashes over me, he is right. It feels like just yesterday...I had a man who adored me, and I was his everything. And Tobias was everything to me.

"It doesn't matter what I 'feel', what matters is reality. And the reality is that not only has Tobias been in a sexual relationship with Christina, but he has also made her his new everything. The things that were special between us, the secrets, the fears, the emotions...he gave it all to her. That means something, Caleb. You want to know what I feel now?! I feel hate. I feel resentment. I feel like I was garbage that was just forgotten. I feel that his mother was right, I was just temporary. I hate him for making me think that I was special, when I know now...I am not. I am not special, I am nothing."

I don't even realize tears are streaming down my face until I meet Caleb's eyes that are wet with his own; he hands me a couple of tissues so I can clean myself up.

He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, he seems unsure what to say to comfort me. Since I know there is nothing he or anyone can say to help me – I force a fake smile and remind him I want to look to my new future and put the past behind me. My fake smile that allows me to pretend I'm ok...when I'm not. He knows how I feel about Tobias and Christina, he knows I want nothing to do with either of them.

++o++Flashback End ++o++

It was two days ago that I first saw Caleb and we had our discussion. Since then we have agreed to keep the past in the past. He is staying at a bureau hotel and will be leaving this evening to return to Chicago.

He has joined me several times for meals or coffee with some of the girls and their families. I encourage him to practice his conversation skills so he can work on building new relationships when he returns to Chicago.

Jessica makes a great effort to talk to Caleb and pull him out of his shell. She also dives right in and asks about his romantic history and gives him a lot of advice on what type of girl would be a good match for him, how he needs to learn how to discreetly determine if a woman is a good match for him upfront, so he does not waste his or her time either. During lunch today, Caleb begins taking actual notes, and Michelle and I burst out laughing at both him, and how proud Jessica seems to be at being taken so seriously. Jessica tells me that she can see clearly now that Caleb is the smarter child of our family. I throw a french-fry at her.

+o++o+

As I quickly tie on my sneakers and head to the reception area so I can request a guard to shadow me, I check my reflection in the mirror to make sure I am presentable. Luckily a guard is available as I need to hurry to the central library so I can say goodbye to Caleb from there. He understands that I didn't want to have to go to the transport bay to see him off. Who knows what I would accidently see this time.

With my assigned guard shadowing me from afar I walk quickly through the halls. I stop at a coffee shop to buy Caleb a small loaf of banana bread for his trip. It is something that our mom would bake for us as a treat when we were children.

I turn the corner to the main hallway that leads to the library when I stop dead in my tracks, shocked at what I am seeing.

++o+++++++++o++

^^ Day 6 ^^

*Tobias POV*

My life has been a complete hell these last two days. I am heartbroken over Tris, and there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried numerous times to set up a meeting with her through the process they have in place. I walk to the visiting center a couple of times a day and introduce myself, and ask them to pass a message along to Tris Prior and her case worker.

It is real boost to my self-esteem to walk up to a reception area and tell a stranger that I am in love with a girl who doesn't want to see me. Each time they fill out the request form and I get sympathetic looks from the staff.

The morning after our meeting with Tris, I met Christina for coffee. It was not a pleasant conversation. She was leaving to return to Chicago that same day, she told me she was not giving up on us. I remind her there is no longer an 'us' to give up on. She may be ready to give up on Tris, but I never will be. I let Christina know my mother had packed up her couple of things and left if for her at the lobby of my building. Obviously since I'm not returning to Chicago anytime soon I can't personally return her things. She just nods, she doesn't look surprised. Chris tells me to just have the lobby attendant or Evelyn just toss them. There was nothing of real value that she left at my place.

She asks me if I wanted my things back, I reminded her the times I slept over - I never left anything of mine at her place. I don't recall ever suggesting she keep a toothbrush at my place either but it didn't seem worth fighting about. We argued enough as it was.

Christina and I had never exchanged an 'I love you'. She said it one time, when we found out Tris was alive. I told her the truth, I have never stopped being in love with Tris Prior. Even during the one month that she and I dated. More importantly, I still love Tris today. She sighs and looks sad, and that is the moment I feel bad too. Christina told me that she always knew that I had not let Tris go, and that I was still in love with her. I had never said differently. She was just hoping that with time I could learn to love her as well, or even more as we spent time together. She reminded me she still has hope for us. She kissed me on the cheek and told me she would see me soon.

I sat there for another hour thinking about how bad things had gotten.

Christina is my friend, a very important part of my life this last year. I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation.

A month. One fucking month.

Had Tris returned one month earlier, everything would have been different. I had not given into my loneliness, or the pressure from Christina and Zeke to live my life, to move forward, to accept Tris was gone.

I think back to that day with Christina... I don't even know what to think. I am not in love with Christina today. I was not in love with her when we ended up having sex on the training room floor. Of course I cared about her, but not love. Not what Tris and I had when we made love, I felt as though she was my forever.

With Chris it was so fast, it was as though I just needed to prove to myself that I was still alive, even though Tris was dead.

I kissed her first! I just was so tired of being sad and alone. Damn it; one fucking month.

My life is shit right now. Had Christina and I never crossed that line I know she would have put away her romantic feelings forever when Tris returned; and it would be her and Tris being true friends again.

I am appalled by the way Christina acted in that meeting. She came off as some kind of aggressive animal on the hunt.

The look on Tris's face when Christina let her know that it was not just about the sex; I cringe even thinking about it. The secrets I had guarded so closely my entire life, I had only wanted to share with Tris. I honestly don't know why I shared these secrets with Christina when she asked me, it is not because she meant as much to me as Tris did. All I can say was once I opened the door with Tris, those secrets lost their power over me. So it was only because of Tris that I was able to share them with someone else so easily. Not that I expect her to understand that; not that she is even going to let me try to explain.

As I head over to fill out my second request of the day for a meeting with Tris I realize this time is different. As soon as they see me walk up they ask if I would mind waiting in one of the conference rooms. My heart races at the prospect I will get to see Tris. At this point, I am anxious to be in the same room, so I can see she is alive and healthy.

Within minutes Kelly White enters, Tris's case worker. She sits down and thanks me for waiting. I nod, but I can tell by the look on her face that Tris isn't coming. I breathe in and out to calm myself.

"Let's get to it, Tobias." She starts.

I stare at her and wait to hear what she has to say. I can tell this is not going to go well for me.

Kelly smiles at me sympathetically, "Tobias, the conversation that Tris had with you and Christina was not something she choose to do on a whim

Kelly smiles at me sympathetically, "Tobias, the conversation that Tris had with you and Christina was not something she choose to do on a whim. She has been doing intensive therapy, aside from the issues with her personal relationships, Tris has been through a trauma. She has lost a year of her life, she ..."

I sit there and listen to her speak until I can't take it anymore.

"I don't mean any disrespect, Kelly. But let me explain something to you. It fucking kills me that Tris has been through a trauma; that she is suffering and she will not let me in. All I want to do is help her. She and I have been to hell and back. We have been through deaths, we have been through a war, we have lost and we have loved. So that is why now, I am desperate to be with her, I want to there for her. Tris can't even try with me? Really?!" I feel myself getting more and more agitated.

Kelly waits until I am done ranting. She reminds me that in life, things are not always fair.

An image of Marcus flashes through my mind. Tell me about it lady.

She points out that I can't force Tris to be who I want her to be. I nod. Kelly asks me to please wait a moment while she checks on something.

A few minutes later Tris enters the room with Kelly, my mouth falls open at seeing her. She looks nervous, but also so beautiful. When we make eye contact I see the sadness in Tris's eyes. She looks at me in a way that I have never experienced before. It dawns on me in that moment, she is in terrible pain. It doesn't matter that I didn't know she was alive, to her I took we had and I threw it away. I gulp back the tightness I feel in my throat. I am suddenly unsure of what to say.

"Hi." She says softly.

"Hey, Tris." I answer her.

We sit in silence for a moment, I don't know where to start. I love her so much, but I don't know how to fix this. Tris shifts her gaze to stare at her hands that are folded on the table. I notice that they tremble slightly until she clasps them together to make it stop.

I notice that they tremble slightly until she clasps them together to make it stop

Kelly asks if we would like her to help facilitate the conversation. Tris shrugs her shoulders and I nod in agreement. Kelly goes over some of the basic ground rules of a healthy and productive session, how communication it best achieved. Tris begins chewing nervously on her inside cheek. I offer to start.

I clear my throat nervously, Tris looks up and I see tears in her eyes. I feel like my heart will explode.

"I love you, Tris. I love you still, you know that. You know what we are to each other. Please, I know you are hurting...I want to work with you. I want us to move forward." I say, my voice trembling as I fight to keep my sobs at bay.

Her eyes are unreadable. One moment I see sadness and then next I see disdain.

She is silent.

I look at Kelly, I don't know what to do next.

Kelly clears her throat, "Tris, Tobias has shared some very important feelings with you. Could you please share with us how you are feeling, or is there something I can do that would help you to begin expressing yourself?"

Tris's lower lip trembles and she bites it. I noticed that she winces from having bit it too hard.

She clears her throat, "I am having trouble speaking, because I have nothing nice to say to Tobias. I am so angry and hurt...I can't even close my eyes without having horrible images of...them together. I can't even think about what we once had, because I look back and it feels like it was all in my mind. That I must've imagined our love, because if it had been real - - I wouldn't be in a position where I have to imagine my boyfriend and my best friend...having sex. But as angry as I am, I don't want to be cruel. There is no point, I just want this meeting to be over. So we can all move on."

I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me, I speak up, "We can fix this Tris. I know we can...if you just - -"

"If I just what?! If I just get over it! If I just forget that you were fucking my best friend? If I just forget that even worse than you having a physical relationship, you gave her every part of you?!" she stands up, she is shaking with rage, "I have to give you and Christina credit, I didn't think it would be possible for me to feel even a little bit worse, I didn't think that it was possible for you to hurt me more than you already had...but I was so wrong! How could you do this? How?! Christina of all people? Did you make out with her at the chasm too? That one I want to know the answer to! Tell me."

"I never showed her the chasm, Tris," I mumble. She starts crying. I have a feeling that answer didn't make her feel any better.

I stand up, "I love you Tris. I fucking love you, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Not anymore, no," she says sadly.

"What? What do you mean? Are you telling me you don't love me anymore? Is that what you are saying?" I bite back a sob.

She frowns and turns her face away as she wipes tears that have fallen down her face.

"Answer me!" I cry, I feel like I am about to lose my mind.

"You no longer are the person that I was in love with. Of course you love me, or at least you think you do. I am the same girl that you remember loving, I was in a coma, frozen in time! To me, it was just days ago that we made love on that couch. I am still the same girl that you dated, I am the girl that was scared of intimacy until with your help I wasn't. I am the girl you brought into your fear landscape. But you are no longer mine, you are the one that has changed. You are a person that I don't even recognize! So no, I do not love you anymore. I don't even know who the hell you are. It's over. Go back to Chicago, just pretend I am still dead. It is the best thing for everyone." Tris is sobbing now.

I stare at her, open mouthed. What can I say to that? I have to try.

"Tris, of course I lived the last year, of course I changed. But one thing that never changed for me, I love you. I never stopped loving you. Only you."

She looks at me, "So you loved me? All this time?"

I smile at her, tears streaming down my cheek. "Yes, there was never a moment that I didn't love you, Tris. Only you."

She averts her eyes and nods as though she is thinking... "So what that tells me is that you were still able to have sex with Christina, even while in love with me. And that you were willing to have sex with her, while you were not in love with her."

I sit down and put my head in my hands, I can't win. A few minutes of silence pass.

"Can we meet another day, after we have calmed down? Tris? Or we can start new. We can date? We can try to move past this..." I say desperately.

"Please, let this go. I can't. I am not strong enough, I will take the blame for all of this. Ok? I am the weak one, this is all my fault. I will be the asshole. You can be blameless in this. But please – you need to forget about me. I need to do the same thing in regards to you and Christina. It's over Tobias. We are over." She gets up.

No! I grab her by the wrist and pull her close to me. She physically recoils at my touch, she looks startled, afraid even.

Kelly firmly tells me to remove my hands from her immediately. I was already planning on letting go the moment Tris reacted with fear.

Tris walks out of the room without looking back.

Kelly sits down and offers me counseling options for me alone. She assures me that as desperate as things seem now, that life will move on. That I will be ok.

I nod as I listen to the reasoning, again I am put in this position where I am desperate to talk to Tris, to try to prove myself, but she has these walls around her that I can't get past.

I feel defeated, but I nod my head and agree to stop trying make a meeting to see Tris. I ask that Kelly let her know that I am agreeing because it is what she asked of me. Not because I gave up on her. I am not giving up, I can't.

+o+++o+

The following day I am walking through the halls, feeling both frustrated and sad, when I bump into someone. I turn the corner to one of the busiest central hallways and I run smack into Caleb Prior of all people, I see he has a travel bag over his shoulder.

"Oh, wow...Four. Um, hi," Caleb stumbles with his words, he immediately looks unhappy at seeing me.

"Caleb, I am glad I ran into you! Have you seen Tris? Can you tell me how she is doing?" I ask him, the desperation in my voice is ringing loud and clear.

"I have seen her, of course. Look Four, my sister made it really clear to me that she doesn't want you in her life." Caleb says, then adding, "Tris doesn't want to see you at all. So please just leave her alone."

I start to laugh, it takes every last bit of my self-control to not wipe that self-righteous look off of his face with my fist. "You know what? Screw you Caleb, you asshole. We are all in this mess because of you! You should have been the one to set off that serum, you were the one that should have died instead of Tris!" I feel as though the room is spinning I am so mad.

Caleb chuckles, then looks me straight in the face, "Actually Four, you are in this mess because of all the girls you could have had sex with, you choose her best friend."

Is he fucking serious talking to me this way?!

"A month ago, the celebration of Chicago," my back stiffens remembering that was the night that Christina and I's relationship turned romantic. In a cold tone, Caleb, asks me "Where you already having sex with Christina then? Or was it shortly after? I could tell something was going on between you both...."

In an instant I lose my temper, all of my frustrations pouring onto Caleb. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him against the wall, he squeals like a pig and I swear it looks like he just crapped his pants in terror. I see red, I want to punch someone so hard, but I know it can't be Tris's brother.

As I fight for control, I suddenly hear a gasp coming from behind me. Within seconds Tris is by my side and shoving her body in between us so that I lose my grip on Caleb's shirt.

"What the hell is going on?! Get your hands off of my brother!" Tris yells at me. I immediately step back from him and Caleb falls to the floor and is coughing now.

Caleb is still coughing but speaks up, he tells Tris that our fight was his fault. He admits he goaded me. Tris remains quiet but nods her head at him. She then asks him to walk ahead and meet her in front of the library as they had planned.

Tris is really quiet for a few moments and then she speaks to me.

She starts out calmly, "Caleb is all I have left. My only family. I have no friends from my past, nothing else really. Please leave him alone, I don't care what he says to you, never hurt him."

I felt as though I had been slapped in the face when Tris told me that Caleb is her only family.

By the time she is done talking she has tears in her eyes. She looks at me pleadingly.

I agree and apologize to her. There was a time when I had that place in her heart, I was her family. I know that time is over.

Before she can walk away, I gently grab her arm so she will look at me.

"I've transferred to the bureau, I want to work things out, Tris." I say softly while staring in her beautiful eyes. Her eyes that widen in horror over what I'm saying.

"I asked you to leave me alone, are you kidding me!?" Tris cries, I can sense she is getting more and more frantic.

"I still love you." I whisper to her.

She breaks out of my grasp and reminds me, "I told you I was done. Enough, Tobias."

Suddenly she is walking away and she does not look back, leaving me heart broken.

++o++ Chapter End ++o++


	8. Chapter 8: Politics of Life

Chapter 8: Politics of Life

^^ Day 10 ^^

*Tris POV*

One of the goals of my ongoing therapy is to get me to be more comfortable in the regular world versus the safety of the secured wing where everything is controlled. I know they will be waking the last set of captives from their comas early next week. As there will be a new group of women starting their rehabilitation process, our group of captives must move on to our next step - independence. It is time for me to get ready for the next stage of my new life.

I look around me and see that other women in the program have used this time to work with the therapists in order to repair the relationships in their lives. Aside from Caleb, I have avoided doing this. For a moment I doubt my choices, but I know that I'd never get past him being with her. I push away the negative thoughts of Tobias and Christina that always creep back into my mind.

Tobias wasn't kidding when he told me that he was moving to the bureau. Over the last few days I have seen him a couple of times around the halls, once in the large cafeteria during dinner.

+o+ Flashback +o+

I am finishing my salad quickly as I glance at my watch. I have a few minutes before I need to leave. I'm meeting Michelle at her husband's hotel suite so that I can babysit their girls while they go out on a date. I have gotten to know her children well, they are very sweet. She has trained them to call me Auntie Tris, it makes me feel special. I think Michelle knows that too.

I take a huge bite of my salad and open my water bottle so I can take a sip.

"Hi, Tris." Tobias says awkwardly. He's standing in front of my table, with a tray of food and his work bag slung over his shoulder.

"Tobias. Hey," I murmur. I feel my stomach drop at seeing him. Even being close to him is still painful for me. I sit quietly and wait to see if he will just leave.

"Um, I can see you are almost done, can I sit with you until you have to go?" he pauses to look at me as I frown. This is not what I want. I don't want to spend time with him. "Please." He finishes.

I clear my throat, "I really need to get going, us spending time together...is not what I want." I look up and see the pained expression on his face. For a split second I feel bad for hurting him. And then I remember all that has happened.

He sits down anyways in the seat across from me. I look at him with my lips pursed.

"I know you don't want to see me, or talk to me, or basically acknowledge I exist...but I'm a person. It kills me that you are here and you won't let me try to fix this." He finishes while sounding so frustrated.

The facial expression he is making tells me he is starting to get annoyed with me or maybe with this situation as a whole

The facial expression he is making tells me he is starting to get annoyed with me or maybe with this situation as a whole.

Tough shit.

"Well, picturing you fucking Christina kills me, so I don't know how else to explain to you – I'm done. Stay away from me."

He sharply inhales at my words.

I sigh and leave the table, I've lost my appetite.

I don't look back as I toss the remainder of my salad in the trash on the way out.

+o+ Flashback End +o+

I sigh as I am navigating through the large crowd in the central auditorium of the bureau. The week's political rallies have been going on full force and I can't ever remember seeing so many people crammed into one space. Today will be the first of many debates. The energy is also exhilarating. Jessica is very dedicated to politics, especially since she grew up in Providence where most of the current governing takes place.

With the changes of the last year, Chicago is vying to get a stronger foothold into the governmental and procedural leading bodies. Jessica and her husband have been very involved in politics for years, and were happy to give me as close to an unbiased introduction as possible. Michelle has been concentrating on her children and her husband and has waived off any political discussions.

In order to keep myself from picking sides based on the candidate or their city of origin, Jessica agreed to talk about the issues with me while not mentioning names. For example – I wanted to learn about the issue and the sides, before knowing that Johanna Reyes from Chicago was championing one side of the cause.

It has been very interesting and my therapists are thrilled that I am taking an interest in something new that gets me out of the secured compound. Today I am meeting Jessica and her husband to listen to a debate that centralizes around the clean air act and how the different compounds are affected.

I look at my watch, I am about twenty minutes early to meeting Jess. We also gave ourselves some time to mingle before the debate would start. I decide to walk around and stretch my legs, and suddenly I run into a young man that was carrying a binder that managed to unclip when it fell to the ground. I huff seeing the huge mess I just made. Damn it, I just can't do anything right.

"Hey, don't worry. I promise these papers won't break. I will just have to get it all organized again..." the man says, his words sounding muffled as he has already knelt down to begin gathering all of the papers and placing them randomly into the open binder.

"I am so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was walking!" I say as I bend down to begin gathering the stray papers as well. "Please, I can help you get this binder fixed, if that is ok?"

It is then that we both look up and make eye contact, as we are both kneeling on the floor surrounded by standing people. My mouth actually drops, he is stunning to look at. He definitely looks older than me, I would guess early to middle twenties. He is so handsome, like supermodel good looking.

I then notice he has a really nice smile, I notice he is looking at my lips as well

I then notice he has a really nice smile, I notice he is looking at my lips as well.

Suddenly he laughs uncomfortably and his cheeks turn red. He is adorable, I feel my heart start to race. He averts his eyes and continues gathering papers, "Really, you don't have to help me clean this up. It was just an accident."

"I am happy to help," I smile at him, "we should find somewhere, not on the floor, to assemble the binder again."

He stands up first and offers me his hand to pull me up. He smiles back at me and leads me to the side of the room, there is a table pressed against the wall where a woman is handing out pins and banners for the candidate named Wilton. He smiles at her and politely asks if we can use the corner of the table in order to fix the binder he shows her. She nods and hands me a Wilton-pin. I laugh and put it on, I am guessing that was our payment for being able to use her table.

"Thank you for your help, are you sure I am not keeping you from something...or someone?" he is opening the binder and laying it flat on the table. He then looks up and smiles at me.

I feel blood rushing to my cheeks, it has been a long time since just the sight of someone has made me feel this way. "Um, I am meeting my friend here in a while, she's not here yet though."

He holds out his hand to shake mine, "My name is James, it's really nice to meet you....um?"

I place my hand in his to shake, I feel a small tingle as my cheeks flush again. "Tris...my name is Tris. It's nice to meet you too."

We begin organizing the papers, which is not as easy as I thought it would be. James smiles at me when I raise my eyebrows, he shows me the tab titles and then how each sheet is labeled at the top to show which section it goes to.

"Do you live at the bureau, Tris?"

"Um, yes. I guess I do," I stammer. I am sure I sound like some kind of idiot. "I mean, I do now. I am not really sure what I am going to be doing in the long run."

He laughs, "That sounds cryptic. I was going to ask you if you had a favorite restaurant here, preferably one that has amazing food...and is more on the romantic side."

Oh, of course this guy has a girlfriend. I mean, just look at him. We are both still working to organize the binder, "No. Sorry, I don't have a favorite restaurant I can suggest."

At that moment we finish the binder and we both smile at each other.

James clears his throat and runs his fingers through his hair, he suddenly seems nervous. "Well...since you didn't have a restaurant suggestion, I'm just going to have to take you to my choice."

He bites his lip as he waits for my reaction.

I start laughing softly.

"Ummm..." he says slowly, he picks up his binder, "Sorry, I guess. I didn't mean to offend you...or amuse you may be the better word..."

It dawns on me that he thinks I am laughing at him, what kind of bitch would do that? "Wait! No, you misunderstand. It's hard to explain," I sigh, and think about how much I am willing to reveal to this stranger, "my life...is basically a train wreck right now. For reasons I can't even explain. So as bullshit cliché as this may sound – it is me, not you. I swear!"

He forces a smile, that I notice doesn't reach his eyes, "Hey, it's totally cool. Thank you for helping with the binder. I do need to get going." He takes a step away from me.

I bite my lip, I know I seem like a total stuck-up witch, and that is not who I am!

I slip my hand in his, he freezes and looks at me.

"James, not only is my life crazy right now, 'I' am like a hurricane. Believe me when I tell you, I am doing you a huge favor right now. Like you should thank me for not going on a date with you. Like, you might want to buy me some friendly flowers with a card that reads 'Whew, that was a close one – thanks for saying no!'"

James chuckles a little at my jokes, and I hope he can see how sincere I am. This is not me saying no because of him. My life is shit right now, I could never drag some nice guy into it.

"Well, Tris. I guess I will believe you, and I am not quite sure why you feel the way you do, but I will respect it. I hope...I mean I don't even know you...but you seem like a really nice person. So I hope things turn around for you," he bites his lip and gives my hand a squeeze, "This may sound crazy, but I just felt a connection with you. So fine – a date is off the table, but if you ever need to talk or vent to someone, I'd like to hang out sometime."

Supermodel looks and a nice guy?!

He looks down at our joined hands and drops mine. Before I can even react, he leans over and kisses me on the cheek. It's my turn to blush now.

"I have to go, like now. But I just wanted to say again, nice to meet you, Tris."

I am about to reply when two men run over to James, "Mr. Wilton, it is almost time for you to join the other candidates on stage for the debate." He smiles at me sheepishly and shrugs.

He is James Wilton, the candidate whose pin I am now wearing. My mouth is hanging open.

I watch as he is led towards the stage.

"Tris! I have been watching you for the last ten minutes with James Wilton! I didn't want to interrupt. He is so handsome! You need to tap that! Tell me everything. Don't leave anything out." Jessica chirps as she slips her arm through mine and directs me towards the middle of the room so we can watch the debate with her husband.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+ +o+++o+

+o+++o+

*Tobias POV*

Of all the bastards in today's current political arena, James Wilton has to be the biggest thorn in my side. His platform is in direct contradiction to everything that Johanna stands for. And his team fights dirty. He is ruthless when it comes to getting what he wants, especially when it comes to winning.

He is also smart as hell, there have been so many times we thought we had the proof needed to expose his antics, only to fall short.

I'm convinced he has a mole in our organization and pulled confidential research that my staff had worked on, to use for his own political gain. I had personally done all the interviews with sources that wanted to remain anonymous, I know these people would not have shared their information again.

His team beat us to the punch and released the information first, thus taking the glory of being the ones to raise the issue.

He can't stand us either, he always turns his nose up at Johanna's ideas and suggestions. He even tried to have Chicago not be allowed to participate in the political rallies this time around.

I almost lost my lunch when I happen to notice that James himself was talking to Tris at one of his marketing tables.

I was working with my team for last minute preparations for Johanna to be ready for the debate that was just minutes away. What the hell was he doing chatting Tris up, when he needed to be on stage within minutes?

When I saw him lean in and kiss her on the cheek it took all the self-control I had not to charge over and punch him in the face. That dirty bastard.

"Tobias?" my attention snaps back to Johanna who is trying to talk to me, "I'm needed on stage, did you finish the notecards I needed?"

I nod and hand them to her. As Johanna is whisked away to join the others, I look behind me and see if I can spot Tris again. She is lost in the crowd.

I sigh and concentrate on the debate, I have a job to do.

+o++++o+

Overall the debate went well, being the first one for this conference it remained amicable. Even James Wilton controlled himself from his usual mudslinging.

I noticed that Tris is at the debate with Jessica, and a man I assume is her husband. I see how comfortable and happy Jessica and her husband seem. I feel a stab of envy. I can't help but wonder if Tris feels that too when she is with them.

When the debate is over and we are tasked with general polling from the crowd. I happen to be assigned to move in the general direction where Tris is standing.

I guess I can attempt to get her to talk to me by having her answer my survey questions. Yes, I am jealous she was talking to James, but I still want to take opportunities talk with her.

"Hey, Tris." I say softly when I am close behind her.

I see the way she jumps a little and turns to face me. She frowns and turns to walk away. "Why are you running away?" I mutter.

"I am not running, I just don't want to talk to you, or see you actually." She says firmly

I sigh loudly and guide her by the elbow to the perimeter of the room. She allows it but I see that her body language is telling me that this is not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"How long do you plan to avoid talking to me? I get you are mad, but it is not like I cheated on you. I thought you were dead for God's sakes!" I say firmly, my shoulders feel tight with tension. I just want her to fucking talk to me, how can she not even give us a chance?!

Tris scowls at me, I see a fire in her eyes as she tries to walk away, I grab her wrist gently but firmly.

"The funny thing, Tobias. I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you shit!" she hisses at me while struggling to get her wrist out of my grasp.

"I am not giving up on you, on us. So get that thought out of your mind!" I say firmly.

I put my hands gently on her shoulders and pull her close to me. She looks up at me, for a moment I lose myself in how familiar this feels. All of the times I would hold her and we would either laugh, or fight or kiss.

Suddenly she shoves me away, I stumble before my footing corrects itself. She is strong, I will give her that. I frown at her, as she glares at me.

"What is you want, Tobias? Maybe you would like to meet some of my new friends...so you can make a list of who you can screw next?!" she shouts, her shoulders shaking with rage.

I am stunned, I feel my cheeks flush with warmth. What an awful thing to say to me. Does she really hate me that much?

I see her eyes widen and her mouth fall open slightly. I turn to look behind me to see what has gotten her attention.

"Um," James Wilton himself is standing directly behind me, he looks stunned himself. "yeah, obviously you guys are in the middle of something."

His eyes shift away from Tris for a moment, and then he looks at her again, "Sorry for the intrusion. I will, uh, see you around, Tris."

James walks away without even acknowledging me. He knows damn well who I am.

I see her cheeks flush hotly and she looks so upset over that exchange with James. Then it is suddenly like she remembers where she is, and doesn't even look at me before she walks off in the opposite direction.

I stand there, surrounded by people but feeling completely alone.

It is the first time that I start to doubt that things between Tris and I are going to work out.

Are we really over?

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	9. Chapter 9: The Christina Factor

Chapter 9: The Christina Factor

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." - Unknown

^^ Three weeks since Tris Returned ^^

*Tobias POV*

I emerge from my dream with a yell. My lip stings, and when I take my hand away from it, there is blood on my fingertips. Damn it, I must have bitten it during my nightmare. As I close my eyes remembering my awful dream about Tris's death, I feel the tears slip down my face.

Suddenly aware of my rapid heartbeat, I remind myself that she is alive. Although she is not in my life, I am able to calm myself knowing she is alive, well, and happy. At least I assume happy; I really have no idea what she is feeling or thinking. Not having any contact with someone will tend to leave you in the dark.

I never had nightmares, and then when Tris died my grief consumed me. The dreams are horrific and it literally feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I had hoped that after discovering that Tris is alive that they would stop. Maybe one day.

I flip on the light on my bed stand and open the drawer. I find therapist Kelly White's card. I bite my lip...I am going to call her soon.

Tris doesn't want to talk to me, but I'm starting to realize I need to talk to someone.

++o++

It is really early in the morning, I decide to get up and get a workout in before my day at the office begins. I am gathering my clothes and shoes as I walk through my small apartment that Johanna secured for me while I am working at bureau. She has asked me how long I plan on staying here, I don't have an answer. I am no closer to making any headway with Tris than I was two weeks ago.

I have seen her a couple of times at different political events, but as I was working I decided to concentrate on my job. After the last humiliating scene she made, I have been giving her the space she demanded.

As I am about to head out, I hear a knock at my door. I open it to see Christina standing in the hallway, her travel bag in hand. My mouth falls open.

"Hey." She says, smiling at me.

"Christina, hi. What are you doing...here?" I ask, confused.

"May I come in? Or do you want to have this conversation with me standing in the hallway?"

I hesitate for a moment, and then I remember my manners. Even if we are over romantically, she is still my friend. "Yeah, of course. Come in," I say as I hold the door open for her.

She walks in with her bag and looks around, "Nice place you have here. I am not sure why you look so surprised to see me, I told you I would be back," she makes eye contact, "since I am not giving up on us. I also have nowhere else to stay while I am here," she adds with a playful laugh.

I sigh and shake my head, "Chris, it's not going to happen. No way are we sleeping in the same room."

I clear my throat, "I think you already knew that deep down. Tris is alive, you know what that means, to me at least."

"What I know, is that I am here in your apartment...and there is no sign of Tris."

I frown. All the doubt I have been fighting creeps back at Chris's words. I sigh and sit down on a chair and I motion for Christina to have a seat on the couch. She smiles and sits as close to me as possible. I'm glad I chose the chair.

"You know what Tris was for me, you of all people know how much her loss...killed me." I say softly.

"That's the thing, Tobias. It didn't kill you. You thought it would, but the loss of Tris did not end your life. You moved on, you moved on with me! Why can't you remember that now." She huffs.

I rub my temples and go over my words before speaking. "Is that what you think happened? That because we started hanging out more, and having sex...that I got over her?"

Christina glares at me, pursing her lips.

"I mean, don't you even want to try to get Tris back in your life? Don't you miss her? Have you forgotten everything she was to you?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"I know her. I know she will never be able to look at me, and not picture us having sex. Deep down I think you know that too," she pauses, "I am choosing to believe her words. She knows we did nothing wrong...but we still make her sick. Tris herself said she was done!"

I cringe and say nothing. My mind racing, I selfishly want to talk to Christina and confide in her about Tris. I want her advice, I want her to talk to Tris for me, and I want her to help me fix things with Tris. Obviously all of those things are ridiculous, I ruined any chance of that when I decided that part of moving on would be starting a romantic relationship with the best friend of the dead love of my life. I chose Christina because she was literally standing in front of me, pressuring me to move on while making herself available. I settled, and now I am paying for it.

"Chris, if Will came back...I would have stepped aside and given you my blessing. I would have wanted you to be happy with him. I mean that."

She laughs bitterly, "All that tells me, is that you didn't love me. Don't you get it? I am in love with you, Tobias! And I have been for a while now," she is quiet for a moment, breathing in and out as if to calm herself, "Also, Will is dead. Tris killed him remember?! Don't ever mention Will to me again."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you by bringing him up. Chris, believe it or not, I don't want to hurt you. But part of me not hurting you, is making sure you are clear where I stand. You are an amazing person and you deserve someone who adores you, and you alone. That is never going to be me. I want for you to be happy too."

She nods her head, she seems to be hearing me for the first time. Chris does deserve better, better than anything I can offer her. My heart belongs to Tris, even if she decides to stomp on it for the rest of her life; it still belongs to her.

"Look, I am not going to turn you out to the cold. But there is no way in hell we are staying in the same room." I laugh as she rolls her eyes at me.

I give her my full set of keys, I tell her two nights max and she then needs to go home or find another place to crash. I pack a new bag and tell her I will be staying with one of my male co-workers.

"So how are things really going with Tris?" she asks. I hear genuine curiosity in her voice, no malice.

"Chris, I just don't want to talk about it. Not with you."

She gives me a knowing look and nods her head. "By the way, I already made dinner plans with Sara and Claire from your work team. I wanted you to know up front. You are welcome to join us of course."

"Good to know, I hope you have a nice time. Those girls love to party, just be careful... I am going to pass." I say as I head for the door.

She walks towards me and puts her arms around my shoulders, her embrace makes the pain over Tris worse. I am reminded of that day in my childhood Abnegation home. I remember Christina holding me then, and it was a painful reminder of every time Tris's thin arms slipped around me, uncertain at first but then stronger, more confident, more sure of herself and of me.

It reminds me that no embrace will ever feel the same as Tris, because no will ever be like her, she is the only one for me.

I am worried I may never feel her arms around me again.

Oh Tris. What the hell are we doing?

+o+++o+

+o+++o+ +o+++o+

+o+++o+

*Tris POV*

I am moving today, not that I have much to move. As one of the former captives, I have chosen to accept a small apartment at the bureau as part of my rehabilitation process.

It was bittersweet to say goodbye to Michelle and her family. They recently moved back to their hometown in Providence. Her extended family is there and she is looking forward to getting her life back to normal. I think about Jessica and Michelle and I know I might not have made it this far without their friendship in my life.

I think about Jessica and Michelle and I know I might not have made it this far without their friendship in my life

These girls have changed my life. Jessica has taught me to be stronger, while also enjoying life. She has a gift for making me laugh the way no one ever has before. Her foul mouth is shocking, but pretty comical as her rage is never directed at me. Michelle is kind and compassionate. She has never told me what I should do about Tobias, but I know deep down she is worried I am making a mistake by cutting him out of my life. I wish I could verbalize to her what is really holding me back. I just can't, I can't even admit it to myself out loud.

I am not enough.

I will never be enough.

Now that Tobias has experienced more with Christina, I will never be enough.

Maybe he just doesn't see it...yet. He would figure it out, eventually.

I want to say the words out loud, even if just during my therapy sessions. But I can't, I just can't. Instead I repeat it to myself again and again as a reminder. I am not enough. I calm myself by remembering that it doesn't matter. Tobias and I will never be together again.

+++o+++

Quote: Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself

Quote: Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I worry that if I can't be happy with myself, then nobody will ever be happy with me.

+++o+++

I have seen him a couple of times around the bureau, during a political events. He has noticed me, but made no efforts to talk with me. Once he was assigned to facilitate a round-table discussion that I was a part of. Before we started he excused himself for a moment. Shortly after a very bubbly girl named Sara came over and explained she was taking his place.

I guess my screaming at him in public while he was working finally did the trick.

I push thoughts of him away, there is no us. We all need to move on.

+o++o+

Over the last two weeks Jessica has taken me to a couple of James Wilton political activities. I am sure she is hoping we will hit it off. She had been joking at the previous rally about me "tapping that". She has much more ambitious goals for me!

She made sure to tell me that he is the youngest candidate, single and very wealthy. Did she mention single? Only a dozen times. I think she is already planning the wedding.

She has told me she is ready to live vicariously through me, but I know James and I are not going to happen. After James saw my horrible display with Tobias at the debate, he has been very polite when we have crossed paths. He is now professional and nothing more. I push those thoughts away, it is for the best.

I'm not enough.

Not enough for anyone.

+o++o+

As I step out of the shower and rush to get ready, I text Jess again to let her know I changed my mind about the party. Jessica and her husband invited me to join their group of friends at a late night political fundraiser. It is a cocktail party with a silent auction, and also a friendly competition for the different political candidates.

All proceeds from the event will be donated to a variety of charities that help children. It is an evening for everyone to put aside their differences in order to raise money and look beyond political issues.

I am pretty late by the time I arrive to the event. It is very crowded and part of me is tempted to turn around and go home. I remind myself that I need to get out of my seclusion and live a little. The drinks are flowing, the lights are low and the music is blasting. I can't see Jessica or her group of friends anywhere. So I decide to grab a glass of wine and walk around the silent auction to kill some time.

I keep scanning the crowd, but still no sign of Jessica. I look at my phone, the earlier text I sent her still shows as unread. Maybe her phone battery died? Which seems to happen to her a lot.

As I am waiting I decide to get a second glass of wine, the bartender is very generous with the serving. I smile at him sweetly. He tells me I have the most beautiful eyes and I feel my cheeks warm as I thank him for the compliment.

I pull out my wallet so I can pay and tip him, when suddenly a fifty-dollar bill is placed on the bar next to me. The bartender's eyes light up and he has a big smile, "Thank you, Mr. Wilton. Let me get your change, sir."

"Since you managed to pull a smile out of her, I am tipping you on her behalf. No change needed." James tells the bartender before turning his attention back to me.

My mouth falls open in shock, I didn't even see him come up. I am also surprised he is even talking to me, considering how reserved he has been the last two weeks.

"Hello, Tris. You look lovely this evening. Are you having a good time?" he asks me while staring into my eyes.

I take a large sip of my wine and nod shyly. I don't know why I am feeling so nervous, maybe because I am at a large party alone and drinking wine for the first time? I don't really know what the hell I am doing here.

Yeah, a great time. I decide to just smile and nod.

"Who are you here with? You shouldn't be wandering around alone, you are more than welcome to come and sit with me and my team. Even if you don't end up voting for me, tonight is about raising money for the kids." He says with a laugh.

I smile and tell him I am meeting friends, but I thank him for the glass of wine. He tells me to enjoy my evening and excuses himself to return to his party of friends with the large round of shots he just ordered. He offers me one before he goes.

I have never tried one of those either, he sees the apprehension on my face.

"I'll do mine with you. Only if you want to of course!"

I laugh and agree. James turns to the bartender and asks him to pour one more shot for me and to add it to his team's tab. The bartender hands me my shot and James takes his off of the tray he was carrying. We clink our glasses and he explains how to take a shot.

"Whatever you do, don't sip it! Just turn the shot glass upside-down and make sure you finish it immediately. Good luck, Tris!"

I do as he explained and I feel a warm tingly feeling almost immediately. I laugh and smile at him. He hands me back my wine glass, which I notice the bartender has topped off again. I am guessing that fifty-dollar bill was appreciated.

James points to the direction his team is sitting, he reminds me I am welcome to join them. He assures me they are a nice group. I remind myself, James Wilton is not for me. I thank him and tell him to enjoy his evening. He smiles and walks off with his tray of shots.

+o++o+

With my wine glass now almost empty I make one last round through the party, there are so many people. I just can't find Jessica or anyone that is familiar. Oh, except Johanna and her team sitting towards the front of the stage area. My eyes immediately search out Tobias, he looks so handsome in his work suit and tie. Unlike most of his teammates who are dressed in more party-style clothes; I guess he is still wearing his suit from his work day.

Suddenly they announce that they are still waiting for one representative from Johanna Reyes's team to go up front and be part of a dance off. All the other contestants are ready and waiting. I notice every one of them is not only female, but all are very attractive.

There seems to me a little debate amongst Johanna's team as to who will be representing them. The event DJ jokingly reminds them it is for charity and they really should get their act together.

That is when I notice Christina. She is sitting with Johanna's team, she just had not been sitting next to Tobias. She is pushed towards the stage by two other girls who are laughing and seem almost unable to stand on their own they are so tipsy.

Before Christina walks to the front she does a little curtsy and the crowd cheers. She takes a large sip from her wine glass and hands it to Tobias, while whispering something in his ear. He smiles politely at her and nods his head, as though he is agreeing to something.

The DJ announces that the song will be Queen of Boredness by Kinny. Suddenly this amazing sensual beat is playing throughout the room. I had no idea Christina could move her body like that. She looks amazing, sexy and full of confidence as she begins a seductive dance while moving her figure to the beat. It is mesmerizing.

I hear a group of men standing next to me talk about her, "Holy shit, that chick who joined last...yeah, from Reyes's team - - she is amazing. I can only imagine what she is like in bed, look at her body move." Another mentions he is going to need a cold shower after watching her dance.

I bite my lip, I can't turn away. Christina is amazing.

Towards the end of the song she is neck and neck with another very good dancer that is from Wilton's team

Towards the end of the song she is neck and neck with another very good dancer that is from Wilton's team. The volume of the crowd's cheers, when prompted by the DJ determines the winner. When it is Christina's last chance to show her stuff she seductively moves off the stage and makes a beeline for Tobias who is sitting up front. She gives him a slow and sexy smile. The crowd cheering in anticipation.

Inhaling a sharp breath and clenching my jaw I watch her move in on him. She stands in front of Tobias as she moves her body as though they were alone in the bedroom. It is erotic and sensual. She looks hot. I see the way his eyes rake up and down her body. And then he has a huge confident smile on his face and nods appreciatively while looking around, the men in the audience are going crazy for him. Cheering him on for being graced with her sexiness.

 

The men next to me are now screaming things like "You lucky bastard!" and "I want to be you for five minutes...with her of course!"

I almost vomit right where I am standing when I see that he is staring at her with a sexy look on his face. Then Tobias actually licks his fucking lips while watching her dance.

Then Tobias actually licks his fucking lips while watching her dance

 

To hell with them both!

The crowd goes crazy for Team Reyes and they win the dance off by a landslide. Christina jumps up and down happily, taking a break to down two shots that are handed to her by teammates. Before I even see his reaction to their little victory I turn and walk away. I feel sick. The room is spinning as I make a beeline for the exit. As soon as I step into the large hallway I take a few moments to lean against the wall in order to steady myself.

This is what hell must feel like. I am trapped in my own personal hell. I should have stayed home tonight, I should have moved to Providence and gotten the fuck away from Tobias and Christina and their sexy-relationship.

I close my eyes and breathe in and out, I finally make it to the restroom and begin to splash some water on my face. I just want to go home and sleep. I need to close my eyes and feel the peace that only sleep brings me. I am heartbroken. I am jealous.

I am pathetic.

As I am drying my hands, I hear the loud voices of girls that have entered the restroom lobby area. Before they even enter, I can tell they are all drunk.

"He'd be insane not to want you." One girl says loudly while another one giggles.

A third girl chirps, "I bet your sex life with Tobias is incredible."

And suddenly I am standing face to face with none other than Christina.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	10. Chapter 10: Consuming Darkness

Chapter 10: Consuming Darkness

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Disclaimers:

This chapter includes mature adult themes. Topics include depression, suicide, as well as adult consensual sexual situations. Please see Author's Note at bottom as well.

At the start and end of the adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: ++/XO/++

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter 10: Consuming Darkness

^^ Three weeks since Tris Returned ^^

*Tris POV*

Suddenly I am standing face to face with none other than Christina.

Her eyes widen at seeing me. The image of her standing in front of Tobias as she danced sensually flashes through my mind. I need to get the hell out of this bathroom, the hell away from her.

"Excuse me," I whisper as I walk around her and the three girls that are with her and run out of the restroom back into the large hallway. I breathe a sigh of relief when I am away from her. It was stifling to be in the same space as her. Her great, vivacious energy was smothering me alive.

I begin walking towards my apartment.

"Hold on, Tris! We need to talk!" her shrill voice calls out behind me. I walk faster. I have nothing to say to her, and there is nothing I want to hear her say.

Suddenly her hand is on my shoulder as she spins me around to face her, "Damn it, Tris. I know you heard me!" she yells.

I immediately notice that she staggered unsteadily until she was able to use my shoulder to redeem her balance and stand tall. Running after me seems to have affected her, it dawns on me that she is really drunk. Great. This should be a wonderful conversation.

"Why are you running away? I guess some things never change, you can't handle an adult conversation. So much easier to run and hide from your problems," she huffs.

"Leave me alone, Christina. I have nothing to say to you." I attempt to walk away but her hand is back on my shoulder. I know if I shove her, she will end on the floor in her current state. I can just imagine the chatter, that I attacked her in a jealous rage after her Tobias-sex-dance.

Chris's lips purse like she's been chewing a lemon rind, "Good. Then you can shut up and listen. You are no longer what is best for Tobias, I am the one that makes him happy."

Chris frowns at me, "I know you saw how happy we both were in the transport bay. You saw how we kissed, and the passion we have. With me Tobias has become more comfortable showing affection in public."

She smiles at me as though I was just some pathetic part of his past. She may have him now, but I will not allow her to belittle what we had. Not to mention my memory is fresh since to me it was just weeks ago.

"At least get your facts straight, Christina. Yes, Tobias and I were both from Abnegation and we took our time becoming physical. But you were not the one to get him comfortable with kissing in public!" I take a breath to steady myself, I am practically shaking with anger, "Think back, the morning I 'died' you were with us in the training room teaching Caleb to shoot. Tobias and I were in love, and happy and we had no problems kissing in front of your face and everyone else. We helped each other to grow in regards to intimacy. I can't even remember what, but you made a snarky comment about how we were making out in front of everyone - I remember because at that moment Tobias smiled and deepened our kiss. That's how little he cared about you when I was in the picture."

Christina's mouth drops open and then I hear giggling behind her, the three girls from the restroom have followed us into the hallway to enjoy the spectacle. The drunk girls are now having a laugh at her expense. Nice friends.

Christina looks so angry, her face turning red. She turns to look behind her and glares at her friends.

One of them calls out, "Just tell her how you make him happy in the bedroom, Christina!"

I flinch, and Chris sees my strong reaction. My emotionless mask faltered enough for her to see exactly where my weakness is.

My small moment of strength quickly vanishes. Again, images of them naked and tangled under sheets pops into my head. The pain is overwhelming. I hate that I'm so little, so insignificant compared to her.

She laughs, "God, he really didn't know what he was doing the first time we had sex. Thankfully the more and more we did it, which was a lot by the way...let's just say he is an amazing lover now. The best I have ever had. And of course, there is no doubt I am way better than you ever could be...no contest there."

I feel as though I have been slapped in the face, blood rushes to my cheeks and I begin to feel sick again. I know she is right, she knows it, those drunk bitches standing behind probably know it too. So why rub my face in it?

"Congratulations," I stammer as I try to leave again. This time Chris follows me while hurling insults at me. I've never seen her like this, it must be the alcohol adding fuel to her rage. This is too much, even for her. She was never one to be cruel.

Although, a lot has changed in a year so who knows.

I pause when I hear a jingling sound behind me, I turn around and see that she is holding a set of keys that have a keychain with emblems of the five factions engraved on it, along with the initials T.E.

Tobias Eaton.

She smiles at me. "I am staying at Tobias's apartment...in his bed. We are still seeing each other. I don't know what he's told you, but let me assure you – I am not giving him up to you, not without a fight."

My eyes widen, and the conversations Tobias and I have had over the last three weeks flash through my mind. He told me they were done, and that he wanted to fight for me. For us. He told me he loved me, and only me.

Tears fill my eyes, she was my best friend. How could he? How could they?

"Has he told you how I saved his life? He stole a memory serum vial and drove to his old home in Abnegation. Tobias wanted to wipe himself away, rather than deal with the pain your loss was causing him. I am the person that saved him, I convinced him to not give up and to live. He gave me that vial and then I took your place in his heart. I became the most important person to him, his confidant," she says self-righteously.

"I still have that vial, I keep it hidden in my bathroom. It is a reminder of what I almost lost, the day that he almost lost himself," she whispers, I can hear the emotion in her voice.

I can't take much more of this. It is torture.

"Just stop, Christina. You win. Please just stop," I mumble. I can barely hear my own voice it is so weak. Even I can recognize how pathetic I sound.

"It is important you know this. He wanted me. You should ask him. We were friends, best friends even, and then Tobias kissed me first. So don't fool yourself, he was very happy with me. He is just in love with the idea of Tris Prior. You are a responsibility to him, a burden really. It's pathetic..." she says cruelly.

I realize tears are streaming down my face, I quickly wipe them away. Tobias is a liar, how could he be so disgusting with me? How could he play these games, with both Christina and I? It's not fair to either of us.

Then it dawns on me...he may want to do the "right thing" and come back to me. Out of a feeling of obligation maybe, but he probably can't resist Christina. I mean look at her, I just saw his reaction in front of the entire party. He wants her, and he wants her badly. She turns him on sexually.

I'm nothing.

The realization hurts me so deeply. He has never wanted me that way and he never will.

In that moment my heart is breaking, I feel like there will never be a moment of peace for me.

"Please, just leave me alone. Tobias is all yours. I don't want him anymore!" I yell at her before I quickly turn my heel and run off as fast as I can. I don't even know where I am going at this point. I just run and run.

+o+++o+

I stumble through the halls, my shoulders slumped and as I drag my feet. I don't even know where I am going, I just walk, no longer running. I feel dizzy with grief. I have no idea how long I have been walking.

Tobias.

Tobias is a liar. All this time, I thought he loved me. I thought he had honor. I thought intimacy meant something real to him. Instead he has been having sex with Christina all along?! Did he think he could have us both? Why would he do this to me? Is this some kind of revenge to torment me?

How could he do this to me?

That's right, he kissed her first. He started this, he kissed her. He wants to be with her.

I know why. Being with me is hard. I feel so alone, so worthless.

I see it now, if I had never come back...everyone would be better off without me. I add no value. If I was out of the way, Tobias and Christina would be happy...together.

I need to get away.

I weigh too much, more than my frame can support, so much I should fall right through the floor.

I want my pain to end, I want this terrible ache in my chest to be silenced. There is a part of me that wants to be lost, that struggles to join my parents so they can hold me, so they can love me. I feel so alone here.

A part of me that wants to see whatever comes next.

+o+++o+

Quote: I want to be happy but something inside me screams that I do not deserve it

Quote: I want to be happy but something inside me screams that I do not deserve it. -M.B.

+o+++o+

I am so tired. I wish my mind would stop racing. I find myself outside a door that is labeled "Indoor/Outdoor Water Reservoir." The prospect of being able feel the fresh air on my skin is exhilarating. I push through the door and stumble down a long hallway.

I walk past the portion of the large water tank that is indoors. I want to feel the outside air on my skin, no matter what the consequence. It is probably so cold outside but I don't care.

I think about the view from my old dorm room with the bench bay window. I spent hours sitting there trying to think, trying to cope, trying to get over my heartache and shock regarding Tobias.

I realize now, I ache to be outside and try to really feel the view I have been staring at all these weeks.

I reach the door that leads me outside. It is freezing, but I don't feel it. I don't feel anything anymore. I just don't care. I need peace.

I stare at the water, it calls to me

I stare at the water, it calls to me. There is a steady lulling sound as the machines process the water in the reservoir. I sit at the edge and dip my feet in the pool. I close my eyes, I picture Tobias and I, from a happier time. I picture my parents. I just want to let go. I lean forward and feel myself slowly slip in the water.

I close my eyes as I am suddenly surrounded by darkness. I'm so tired, I just need to rest now.

+o++o+

I feel strong arms wrap around my waist as I am pulled to the surface of the water. I gasp for air and feel frantic. I begin to cry as I struggle to be freed, I just wanted peace and quiet. What is happening?!

Held by my shoulders, I'm leaning on a body that is swimming and pulling me across the water at the same time. I just close my eyes, I no longer care at this point what is happening to me.

I close my eyes and go to sleep. I need the pain to go away.

+o++o+

"Tris! Come on, I need you to wake up. You are freezing, you almost died..." a voice I don't recognize reverberates in my ear.

I blink my eyes open slowly, unable to focus them. I close them again and try to go to sleep.

I feel gentle slaps against my cheeks and realize I am being held upright in a sitting position. I groan in anguish, "I'm so tired, just let me go. I need to sleep..."

I am suddenly wrapped in a towel, in what I can feel are a man's arms. Unsure of who, I begin to fight to stay awake. I turn my face to see I am wrapped in the arms of James Wilton.

"James...?"

"Thank God. Tris! You need to wake up and stay awake. Help me, or I will need to take you to the emergency room to get help," James says firmly.

I nod my head in agreement and fight to stay awake.

That is when I realize that I am freezing, a bitter cold that I have never experienced before.

I notice that his teeth are chattering as well, and he is also sopping wet and coughing as though to clear his own lungs.

What have I done?

Tears fill my eyes, I feel the weight of my actions press down on my shoulders.

"James, I'm so sorry. I don't know...I...I can't even..." I can no longer continue to speak as the sobs consume me as I feel my freezing body begin to shake with my tears.

"Shhhhh, it's ok. You're ok now. I will take care of you, I want to Tris. If you will let me," he whispers while planting kisses on my cheeks, my forehead and then my jaw.

I get a very warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly want nothing else than to be held tightly by this man. I want to feel him close to me.

I want to feel him everywhere.

I'm desperate to just feel.

Desperate to feel anything.

A soft moan escapes my lips as I pull myself closer to James. We are both wearing clothes that are wet and freezing. He kisses my forehead once and then pulls away from me, next to him he has a pile of clothes he begins to rummage through. He hands me an oversized button down shirt. "You need to get out of those wet clothes and dry off. Are you strong enough to do it on your own?"

A warm blush touches my cheeks as I nod and head to his bathroom. I quickly use a towel to dry off and peel my dress and undergarments off. I try to wring the water out before I hang them over the shower rod.

Once dressed I step out I see that James has started his fireplace and set up some pillows and blankets on the floor. He is now wearing sweatpants and a shirt.

He walks over to me and pulls me into an embrace, kissing my forehead he tells me that he is relieved I am ok. He was worried he wouldn't reach me in time. Tears of shame fill my eyes.

He pulls me towards the fireplace and then down to sit with him, wrapping a large blanket around us both.

"I'm sorry...I can't even...I...I don't know what happened to me," I whisper and I bury my face in my hands. He soothes me by rubbing my back.

"I heard Christina going at you in the hallway. I wanted to step in, but I also didn't feel it was my place. She was horrible to you. I regret it now, I should have stopped her from talking to you that way. I'm so sorry, Tris."

He clears his throat. "You seemed shattered as you ran away from her. I was worried so I followed you from afar. I didn't know you would go into that water, Tris! It took me a while to reach you, I almost couldn't find you. You would have died!"

I continue to sob, I wrap my arms tightly around myself as I shake. He saved me. I would have died had he not cared enough to follow me.

Suddenly we are holding each other and his hands are cupping my face. I lean in to kiss his lips. I want him. I need him.

I am desperate to feel something.

He stops me by kissing my forehead instead.

"Tris. I want you, but I want all of you. I know I can show you that there are other reasons to live. I can make you forget about Tobias and Christina. If you will let me...I can make you feel things that no one else ever could." He slowly kisses me on the mouth. His kiss is firm and seductive. I feel a sudden tightening in my core, I press my legs closely together to help push away the intensity I feel. "But you need to agree to give yourself to me fully. I don't share the things I love with anyone else. Do you understand what I am asking of you?"

Suddenly he is pulling us to lay down in front of the fire, his fingers gently massaging my hip as the shirt I am wearing rises up. My heart is racing. Is this really happening?

"I want to be in a relationship with you, a committed one. I want to trust you as much as you can trust me. I want to make you feel desired, loved, appreciated...all the things you deserve to feel."

He kisses my lips slowly this time as I press my body close to him. I feel a fire in my core that is desperate to be near James. I want to really feel him.

++/XO/++

"Answer me, Tris. Do you want this? Are you willing to let go of the past. Let go of Tobias and Christina? I want to help you forget them, to take away the power they have over you," he says as his hand gently begins touching my core. So soft that I moan and buck my hips.

"I want you to be mine," he says as suddenly two of his fingers slip inside of me and begin slowly moving in and out. I cry out loud at the sensation, I begin pushing my hips against his hand.

"Oh God, yes. Yes, James. I want you, only you," I whimper.

He pulls his fingers away and I watch as he slowly licks them. He gently lays me on my back and kisses my mouth vigorously.

I watch as he slides down my body and pulls my bottom towards him, placing my legs over his shoulders.

He watches my face and he leans down and begins kissing and licking my core. I am shocked at what he is doing. Before I can react I feel the most incredible zing of pleasure course through my entire body. It is unlike anything I have ever felt before.

My mouth falls open as I begin panting and moaning. I yell noises that make me sound like I am someone else. Someone who has incredible sex. Someone who is passionate and sexy. I begin bucking my hips so I can get closer to his mouth and fingers. I cry out loudly as my first orgasm hits me. I scream his name as I frantically push close to him.

He continues and soon I am enjoying a second orgasm that is even more powerful.

++/XO/++

He smiles at me and moves up to kiss my neck, face and then my lips.

He was right, I was able to completely forget about Tobias and Christina.

He covers us both with the blanket and pulls me to rest my head on his chest.

"Tris, I don't want you to look back, ever. I promise I will never let anyone hurt you ever again. I am very protective, I take care of those who are special to me," he assures me.

That was the day that I began my relationship with James Wilton.

As I fall asleep, I try desperately to vanquish the thoughts of Tobias that have crept back into my mind.

The empty feeling has to go away. It has to.

I can't stand feeling this way. I can't.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+

Author's Note:

Dear readers. In case you missed the quotes. And the visuals about DEPRESSION I added to this story/chapter... There were also comments that Tris has thought in every chapter prior to this one. She didn't just POOF decide to take the drastic step that occurs at the end of this chapter. Mental illness is a real disease. And she has been dealing with it. Maybe not perfectly. Because no one does. Depression is not measure by who has enough problems. Or who has the right to struggle. It can impact anyone. Sometimes people right in front of us who hide it every day. Thank you. And as always - thank you for reading and comments.


	11. Chapter 11: Moving Forward

Chapter 11: Moving Forward

^^ Four weeks since Tris Returned ^^

*Tobias POV*

As I am rushing to the cafeteria I think about the letter I sent via messenger this morning. I worked on finalizing it for many hours last night, and then carefully rewrote it early this morning while still at home.

I did call therapist White a few days ago, she did my initial intake session but she pointed out that since she is Tris's main therapist it would be a conflict for her to see me as well.

So I have been working with another therapist, one of the women that was present for the meeting that Tris had with Christina and I. So at least this woman seems to be fully up to speed on the situation. We had a long discussion about how Tris and I are not communicating effectively and how it turns into a battle of words and misconceptions.

I determined that my biggest regret is that I have so many things I want to explain to Tris, to help her understand me as the man I am now. But whenever I am face to face I manage to upset her so much that she shuts down. I also recognize that I am either too pushy, or nervous and anxious that I become tongue tied when talking to Tris now.

The therapist had suggested that I write a therapeutic letter. I could start the letter as a note of what I want to say to myself, as I work out all of the feelings I have been dealing with.

And that is just what I did. My letter turned into a detailed explanation about what I went through when Tris was gone, how I wanted to disappear as well in my desperation to end the pain. I talked about my nightmares. I wrote about the day she died, and how I had specific dreams of what I wanted my life after the war to look like, and that image had Tris at the center of it. And then she was just gone. At the end of the letter, I really put myself out there. I explain what it means to me to love her, and only her. I hope that one day she can forgive me, even if that will not result on us having a future together...her forgiveness would mean the world to me.

After many many drafts, I decided that I would rewrite the letter to give to Tris. I love her, and even if she really will never forgive me, I need her to know the man I am now. I need her to read this letter.

The letter was finally complete, and it was the only thing I have that could explain to her how I really feel. Maybe it will even bring her some peace to know how I really felt and feel about her still. I carefully labeled the envelope to Tris and I process it through my office and use one of the bureau's top messenger services, it is the company we use for all of Johanna's delicate correspondences.

I am so nervous for her to read the letter. I paid for the letter to require her signature upon acceptance. So when she does sign off, I will know she is reading my innermost thoughts.

No pressure.

++o++

I get up to the front of the cafeteria lunch line just as the hamburgers run out. I purse my lips as my stomach rumbles in frustration. I guess that is what happens when you work all morning and afternoon straight without any breaks, and barely make it to the cafeteria before lunch stops being served. I crane my neck to look over what slim pickings are available to me.

Fish sticks.

Disgusting.

I force a smile and point to the fish sticks when I hear a chirpy voice cut right in line next to me, "Hi Judy! I finally made it out of my meeting. Please tell me you saved those burgers for me. I don't do fish sticks!"

I look down and see Jessica, Tris's good friend. She is tiny and I doubt would eat two burgers by herself, I wonder if she is here with Tris.

"Hello, Tobias." She says coolly.

"Hey, Jessica. Hungry?" I motion to the two burgers that are handed to her, my mouth salivating, "I see you got the last of the burgers."

"I actually only plan to eat one now, the other I was going to save for later. But since you are probably not having the best day, I'm willing to share one with you," she says coyly.

I frown realizing that Tris is not here with her, I would love to see her. This entire week she has been nowhere to be seen.

A couple of days ago I saw her across the atrium. The moment she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks and then walked away in the opposite direction. It was a little odd.

I have no idea what Jessica is talking about in regards to me not having the best day, but I do want one of those burgers. I smile at her and say thank you.

As we walk towards the checkout counter I ask her if she has seen Tris lately. I notice the way she purposely does not make eye contact. The few times I have interacted with Jessica I immediately saw that she is a very direct person that always makes eye contact when asked a question or speaking to someone.

"Well, not exactly. I mean, I was supposed to see her at the Fundraiser-Silent Auction party last week, but I got really sick and had to go home. Like I told you when we ran into each other early that night, Tris had been adamant that she wasn't going to attend. I had no idea she was just going to show up to the party..."

I inhale a sharp breath, "What did you say? Are you telling me Tris was at that stupid party last week?! Are you sure?" I almost drop my tray of food. My stomach suddenly feeling sick.

"Well, the next morning I turned on my cell phone and I had a few texts from her. But yeah, she was texting me from the party. Poor thing was there and was looking for our group. When I got sick, the rest of the people on my party hadn't really wanted to go..." Jessica stops talking when she sees the way I am pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Tobias, what is it?" she asks, sounding genuinely concerned.

I motion for her to follow me to the edge of the cafeteria and I put our trays down, "Look..I can't even...can I see your phone, please?"

"Why would I want to do that?" she asks pointedly.

"Jessica...I need to see what time exactly those texts from Tris were sent. Please. Just trust me, it's important."

Jessica wrinkles her nose as she pulls her phone out of her purse. I move to grab it and she knocks my hand away.

"Excuse you! I will look up the texts on my phone and tell you the times, you don't need to be reading a week's worth of conversation between Tris and me. God, she would kill me," Jessica finishes with a groan.

"Hurry up, this is really important!" I pressure her to move faster.

She has to thumb through a few pages of messages before she reaches the night of the party.

"Ok, like I told you – before dinner she sent me a text adamant that she was not coming, but thanks for invite. That is when I saw you and we spoke. I told you she was not going to be there."

"I remember, keep going," I tell her.

"Hold your horses, buddy. So an hour after the party started I got my first text from Tris, she was just getting out of the shower and then she would be heading straight over. Like I said, I was already home sick and asleep. I then got two more messages while she was at the party, obviously we weren't there so she couldn't find us. Huh...I'm impressed, she stayed almost the whole party," Jess comments.

"Why do you say that?" I ask fearfully. If she was at the damn party long enough to see Christina dancing ...I don't think my life could get any more complicated.

"No more answers until you tell me what the hell this is about. You look like you are about to pass out from stress. Spill," she insists.

"I fucked up, I really fucked up. That's what!" I mumble as I begin pacing back and forth to try to calm myself, "What time was the last damn text!?"

Jessica watches me carefully, frowning she tells me the last text was at eleven pm and all it said was, "Horrible night, I'm heading home. TTYL"

I bend over to place my hands on my knees, my mind flashing silhouette images of Christina dancing like a stripper in front of my chair. "Shit. I am so fucked," I mumble as I stand up and roughly run my fingers through my hair.

"Alright, this is getting stupid. We're making a scene here. Go get me a lime-soda, get yourself something too. I am going to pay for our food and the drinks. Meet me out front." She looks at my confused face and rolls her eyes. "Go! Now. I don't have all day to sit here and watch you look stressed."

I nod my head and do as she says. When I meet her upfront, I ask her how much I owe her for my food, she waves me off.

"Thanks," I mumble.

"Now tell me, why are you so 'fucked', Tobias?" she asks calmly.

I bite my lip, I can't believe I am going to confide in Tris's friend, but I also know she may be my only hope to digging myself out of this hole.

"I was sure Tris wouldn't be at that stupid party, hell, I didn't even want to be there but it was an actual work assignment because of the competition. Plus Christina came into town and attached herself to some of my female coworkers. So I knew I would be dealing with her all night."

At the mention of Christina's name Jessica rolls her eyes, she takes a bite of her burger and motions for me to keep talking.

"That event, as 'friendly competition' as it was touted to be for the different candidates there was a huge amount of pressure to win events. As you know, I work for team Johanna Reyes, and towards the end of the night we knew that the young vote was going to be looking closely at the fun contests. The girl we had picked to do the dance off was unable to handle her alcohol that night and could barely stand. It was bad – and then no one else wanted to do it. My boss's eyes were about to pop out from her head, she was so annoyed with us. The girl that got trashed is my direct report – so I felt added pressure." I clear my throat, Jessica is listening intently. "So then Christina came over to me, she offered to do that dance in order to represent us and she also told me that if it was necessary, she needed me to play along at the end. I didn't want to lose, so I agreed."

"Oh God, go on," Jessica pushes, she is frowning already.

"Christina did a good job, ok? She is very...out there and she is not afraid to be sexy in front of people. She knows how to dance...well. I was sure she would win and then it would be done. I also didn't think Tris would be there!" I yell, I am so pissed at how this went down. "At the end, it was Chris and the dancer from Wilton's team going neck and neck. I knew Christina was going to do her thing, I just didn't know what she had in mind...basically she danced over to me and acted like I was getting a private lap dance!"

Jessica gasps, her eyes widening and then covering her mouth.

"During Chris's last allotted time, I had to play it up. I knew I needed to pretend that she was the most amazing dancer on the planet. The sexiest thing I had ever seen. If I didn't, it would have fallen flat. I did what I had to do to win. But that is all it was, an act." I groan, I am so frustrated. "They literally put the spotlight on me, which is funny because then I couldn't even see Chris and what she was doing! The light in my eyes was too bright. So I just acted ridiculous. I put a goofy smile on my face and even licked my lips. The crowd was going crazy."

"Excuse me, did you actually lick your damn lips?! What are you, a dog? Seriously, oh Tobias, what is wrong with you?" Jessica asks me. She looks horrified, her eyes studying me and her lips hanging open as she gawks at me.

"I didn't know what to do! It's not like I had time to practice, and I've never been to strip club

"I didn't know what to do! It's not like I had time to practice, and I've never been to strip club. And like I said, I'm not into Christina anymore, and I could barely even see her!"

"Uh huh, I'm sure Tris was dying. I can't even imagine what she was feeling," Jessica admonishes me.

"You think I don't know that?! Damn it, work or no work, I never would have done that if I thought there was even a chance Tris was there. And now the time of your last text from Tris proves she was in the room to see it," I mumble while pulling out my cell phone.

"My idiot coworker texted right when it was over. Christina had just downed two shots and she was getting out of control with her alcohol, she came over to me and was very aggressive with her advances. I literally had to push her off of me and tell her to control herself." I pull up the text to show Jessica, "He texted me at ten-fifty-eight PM to tell me that I should bang Chris one last time, as she was 'begging me for it'. So if Tris walked out at eleven pm...she saw the whole thing."

"What ended up happening with drunk-Christina?" Jessica asks coldly. I can see that her hackles are rising.

"It's complicated. I was so tired, and she had sprung her visit on me...I had already given her my room and I was going to be sleeping elsewhere on someone's floor...I was irritated to begin with. I was really rude when she aggressively came on to me in front of everyone. I told her that I was getting tired of repeating myself, and that she needed to accept – I am not into her. I told her that her little dance did nothing for me." I sigh remembering how enraged Christina got. "She called me an asshole and stormed off, some of the girls from my team followed her. Christina was furious."

"Yikes, she sounds like a real gem," Jessica says.

"I think she finally got the picture. She returned to Chicago the next day and left my apartment keys with one of my team members. I didn't even see her before she left," I say in relief.

"Wow...I don't even know what to say, Tobias. I feel sad for both of you. That is really bad. And now this explains a lot to me about how Tris...well...never mind," Jessica says quietly.

The hair on the back of my neck rises. Jessica is hiding something from me. I remember her words from earlier, that she assumed I was having a bad day. And how she didn't make eye contact with me when I asked her about Tris.

Why?

"I just spilled my guts to you. I want you to tell me what you are hiding from me. I know it's big, and I know it's about Tris. Let's not play games, Jessica," I say calmly, studying her face.

To her credit, she meets my gaze, and I feel my pulse quicken when I see a look of sadness pass through her eyes. Instinctively I know that she is going to tell me something I won't like.

"I just found out myself. I've been so sick this whole week, but Tris has a boyfriend now..." she says evenly.

"What...what?" I stammer. For a moment I think I didn't hear her correctly.

"Tobias. Tris is dating James Wilton. And it sounds pretty serious. I'm sorry..."

I don't hear the rest of what Jessica has to say; I get up and walk out.

+o+++o+ +o+++o+

*Tris POV*

It has been a week since James and I became a couple. Things are moving so fast, I still feel as though I am in a daze. I want him to lead the relationship. I am trying so hard to feel the right way, to say the right things. Basically, I'm just trying. I am trying to be...right. To be well. I have to be.

I owe James everything.

What I did...at the water reservoir... can never happen again. I cringe remembering...trying to remember at least. I felt such despair, and I just was so tired. I was tired of pretending. Pretending I'm OK, when I'm not.

I need to accept my life the way it is. Tobias... Forget it. I can't think about him anymore. I have to believe he has changed in the year I have been gone... verses that I never really knew him at all.

The things Christina said to me...had it not been for seeing them both during that dance, and then her showing off his apartment keys, I would not have believed he could be so callous. To attempt to lure me back, while still being physical with Christina. All the promises of love, while he was still with her in that way.

I sigh and remind myself, Tobias is now part of my past. A past I need to forget. I need to move forward.

It's the only way I can imagine getting past this- by getting past him. I don't know what else to try to help me feel better. I want this to be it.

I'm desperate for relief.

James has been...amazing. There really is no other word for him. He dotes on me. He is loving and kind. He immediately made me feel as though I was the most important person in his life. He is very protective as well.

He is so...intense. I blush when I remember what we did the night of the water reservoir. I never even knew that people did that. I had never heard of such a thing...

He is very passionate, I was so relieved when he told me he wanted to do things the right way with me. He admits that he lost himself when we initially got physical in such an intense way...intimately. I am an adult and I need to take responsibility for my role, but that was not me. Truth be told, I regret it now. Yes, the physical release felt amazing. But I felt so empty and regretful after. Not that I would ever say that to him. I need to push those feelings away and move forward.

He wants to wait until we are married before having full on sex and doing anything that intimate again. He has already told me that he loves me, and he can picture our future together. I was happy when he said he wants to wait for sex. I am not ready, and I also don't know if I am able to say no to him. And marriage is not something I am thinking about, I am sure he isn't either. We are just getting to know each other.

He is very much leading the relationship. I am seventeen years old, soon to be eighteen, while James is twenty-two. His election is ramping up as well. He mentioned that the next few weeks are going to be very stressful for him, but he wanted to make sure he gave me the attention I deserve.

James and I have had some serious discussions about his political career and the additional pressures he is under. He is always being scrutinized and his opponents are watching for any misstep on his part.

He is a public figure with an important election around the corner. He is right, telling my therapists or friends about my suicide attempt could lead to bad press for him. I can't do that to him. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to damage his career. Especially after he has done so much for me already.

He said that after the election is over, he wants to make sure I get the therapy I may need.

He has also stressed the importance of discretion. He wants our physical relationship to remain private. Special, just between us. He asked me not to talk about our intimacy with anyone. Especially not my girlfriends.

I think back to a couple of days ago, I learned quickly that James is the jealous type. He is very possessive.

+o+ Flashback +o+

The moment I saw Tobias across the atrium I am crushed with two feelings, the first being anger for all of the things he has done. The promises, the declarations of love...all while he was still being intimate Christina. The second is my guilt...I am with James now. I let James do things to me that I never dreamed I would do with someone other than Tobias. I really use to believe that Tobias and I would be forever, and thus...my only...

I turned and ran away. I ran all the way back to my apartment. I can barely control my breathing as I sit on my couch and take a long sip from my water bottle. Witb James helping me, I have been fighting off the panic attacks I am now experiencing. I just wanted to close my eyes and rest, I want to stop feeling.

Probably twenty minutes later there is a sharp knock at my door, the moment I see James standing there I groan and greet him apologetically. I forgot I had been on my way to see him when I saw Tobias in the atrium.

"Well hello to you too, my love." James leans in and kisses me on the lips. "Did you forget you were meeting me?"

I don't want to lie to him, so I tell him the truth. I saw Tobias from afar, and it was upsetting. So I just needed to get away.

For a moment I see a look flash across his face, as though it is something he wants to keep hidden. I could not tell if it was anger or fear, maybe both.

"Well, thank you for being honest. That is really important. You know, Tris, why don't we just reschedule...that way you can sit in your apartment all night and think about Tobias. Be sure to think about Christina too, while you are at it." He says calmly while raising his eyebrows, as though he was asking me to pass the salt.

" He says calmly while raising his eyebrows, as though he was asking me to pass the salt

My mouth drops. "Um...what?"

James moves to leave my apartment; I find myself running to grab his hand.

"It's simple, really...I'm your actual boyfriend. We had a date planned. And because you see Tobias from afar, you forget about me and are all freaked out. How do you think that makes me feel, Tris?"

My mouth drops open and my eyes open wide.

"You have really hurt me. I love you too much to be angry with you. So no hard feelings, you just enjoy your evening down memory lane. By the way, they made a tape of highlights of the fundraising party. That hot dance between Christina and Tobias in that chair made it in. That was really something. If you want to watch it, not a bad idea. Then you can really have something to feel sad about tonight," he says casually.

I feel as though my heart is going to beat out of my chest. Why is he being this way? Tears suddenly fill my eyes.

At my tears, it was though a light switch was turned.

In an instant James went from cold to warm and kind. Concerned, even.

"I love you so much, Tris. I just want to make you happy. So I am willing to let you go. I hope you can salvage what you and Tobias had," he says calmly as he kisses me on the cheek and then begins walking to the door. "Good luck."

My chest suddenly feeling tight, a bubble of panic threatens to come up.

"James, no! Please...I am sorry. I didn't mean to...I just...I panicked when I saw him. I just wanted to get away. Please don't go. I will try harder, I promise," I finish in a whisper.

James smiles at me and pulls me in his arms. He kisses me passionately and assures me all will work out. He tells me he loves me, and he just wants to make me happy by helping me to forget about Tobias.

He asks me to trust him. He knows what is best for me. I want to believe him.

I nod and kiss him, forcing a smile onto my face. I want to be ok. I need to be ok.

+o+ Flashback End +o+

I love Tobias, even still. Wait. No.

No. I need to stop.

I still feel so empty...

I hope this feeling will pass. It has to.

There is an unexpected knock at my front door, as I open it I see one of the bureau's messenger services. I am asked to sign for a letter. I have no idea what it is about, so as soon as tip the delivery guy and he leaves, I sit down to open the letter.

I am stunned when I see it is from Tobias. I quickly think back through our entire relationship, never once had either of us written each other a note or love letter. I bite my lip nervously as I open it.

As I read through the pages I am once again filled with annoyance and anger. He just doesn't listen to what I am saying. Tobias wants what he wants, and now he is expecting me to just get over my feelings and give in. As I read his letter I remember word for word the things Christina told me, about their sex life and what their relationship is really like. This letter is joke. The letter is basically demanding that we meet again, he even calls it a date.

I shake my head, this is not going to get me down. I just can't deal with this crap anymore. I rip the letter a couple of times and throw it in the trash. I am not interested in responding.

++o++

Hours later I get a text from Jessica. She has been so sick that I haven't seen her since before the party. We did have a phone call earlier this morning, and I let her know that I am with James now. She wasn't shocked, but surprised at how quickly things moved for us.

I didn't tell her what happened with me at the water reservoir or what we did that night. I want to, but I promised James. It's a blur. I know it happened. But still, a blur.

I look at the text: Tobias knows about you and James. He was upset. I had to tell him.

A stab of pain shoots through me in that moment. Have I hurt him? Does he even care?

Oh Tobias...

What am I doing?

+o+ Chapter End +o+

Quote: The only thing more exhausting than being depressed is pretending that you're not.


	12. Chapter 12: Don't Settle

Chapter 12: Don't Settle

^^ Six weeks since Tris Returned ^^

*Tris POV*

"Tris! Stop fidgeting, you are going to tear the dress. Mr. Wilton paid a small fortune for it." Lana, one of James's assistant, scolds me for the fifth time in twenty minutes. I can hear the irritation in her voice.

I attempt to stand still during the dress fitting, but I am starting to feel like the room is spinning around me. I have asked the seamstress to please make sure the dress is not too tight, only for Lana to remind us both that James has made his vision very clear.

So the seamstress is making this dress incredibly tight. I hope the political event I will be wearing it to will not have a need for me to actually sit down. The seams will rip for sure.

I stare at my reflection in the full length mirror, I barely recognize myself. The dress is stunning, it is just not something I ever would have picked myself. It is tight (soon to be very tight), and very elegant, off-white color, floor length, and the arms are made of a knitted material that is not too flashy.

My issue is with the back of the dress. I am stunned at how much skin I will be showing, I am not comfortable at all. I tried to bring it up with James, and then he raved about how he fell in love with this dress. The moment he saw it, he knew it was the dress for me to be wearing for our first official appearance. He told me that as much pressure as he is under because of the election that having me by his side has made all of the difference.

I put a big smile on my face and agreed to wear that dress.

As Lana confirms that my dress will be ready in time for the event I quickly change back into my clothes. I finally feel like I can breathe again.

Later I am standing with her at the counter when my cell phone rings, I look apologetically as it takes me forever to find it in my bag. Lana just smiles and motions for me to take the call.

"Hello?"

"Tris! It's Jessica, this is my husband's cell. My battery ran out again. Don't laugh at me. I am just reminding you we have our amazing girl's night tonight. Starting with the play at the main theater and then going for drinks after." She chimes excitedly.

I laugh, "Of course I remember our girl's night is tonight. You made us stand in line to buy these tickets for almost two hours! I barely even knew you then, but I didn't dare say no. Do you know where we are going for drinks after? I want to let James know where I will be."

"Really, do you need to let him know where you are at all times? You tell Mr. James Wilton you are going to be with me tonight. That is all he needs to know. You can tell him I said that too. In all seriousness, I feel like I never see you anymore. I just miss our friendship a lot. Please don't forget about me, or Michelle. We love and care about you. Ok?" She finishes softly. Serious for a moment.

The guilt eats at me. I can never make everyone happy. I always try...and then fail.

"I love you guys too. I hope you know that." I say cheerfully, even though a feel a tightness in my chest.

"Meet you at the atrium at six pm." Jess says.

"Ok, six pm sharp. I will meet you ladies there!" I smile as I hang up.

I see that Lana is deep into her smart phone email, I doubt she even realizes I am still in the room.

"Lana? Are we done?" I ask.

It's as though she just remembered I was there. She smiles and just reminds me that James wants me to have my hair styled for the event. We will need to make sure we set that appointment. I smile and nod. Sometimes I wonder if she minds all of the extra work my existence has added to her plate. The only time she seems to get annoyed is when I try to go against his wishes. Which stresses me out even more.

I have been volunteering in the Wilton-Campaign headquarters while also spending a lot of time with James. I have a couple of hours to myself before I need to get ready for my fun evening. It has been so long since I have been able to spend quality time with Jessica. We have had a couple of double dates with our boys, but that is not the same as talking with her alone.

++o+++o++

I am putting on the finishing touches to my makeup when there is a knock at my door. I am not expecting anyone so I cautiously look into the hallway. I am shocked to see James standing there holding a huge bouquet of roses.

"James! You are so sweet. What are these for?" I ask him as I step aside so he can come into my apartment.

He looks very handsome in his suit, I saw him earlier today and he was dressed casually. I wonder if he has a work function this evening.

"I wanted to spoil you before our romantic evening. I am so excited for our date." He says while leaning over to kiss me passionately on the lips.

After a few moments I pull back and ask him what he means. We don't have a date planned for tonight. We move to the couch to sit down.

"Tris, of course we do. It has been on the schedule for weeks. I had my round tables today, and we were going to spend time together celebrating...did you forget?" he asks while frowning at me.

I immediately feel the tension in my shoulders. Did I forget? I have no memory of these plans... "James, I don't know what to say. I must have made a mistake, but tonight is a really big girl's night that Jess organized. She has a couple of other girls she wanted me to meet." As I am rambling on I notice that his face is stone cold.

I finally just sigh, and we sit in silence.

"Well...here are your flowers. Have a great time tonight. Good night, Tris." He leans in to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. He looks crushed, and the guilt eats away at me.

"No. Wait! Um, I will text Jess to cancel. She will understand, the girls will be able to still have a great evening without me. I want to be with you tonight."

I send her a text to cancel, I explain I made a mistake with scheduling. I frown as I hit send. I know she is going to be upset with me.

James pulls me in his arms and kisses me. He is so appreciative that I am putting our relationship first. I close my eyes and push away the doubt that I did the wrong thing.

++o++

As I am getting ready to actually leave the apartment James tells me that we are going to a romantic dinner at one of the finest restaurants at the bureau. I smile at him and thank him. He is waiting for in the living room as I stop to take one last look at myself in the bathroom mirror, I am suddenly lost in thought. As I stare at myself, it is as if I am looking at a stranger. I don't even know how to feel, I'm just going through the motions.

When we arrive I'm shocked at how many people are waiting to get in, and that there are professional photographers snapping photos of different guests. James speaks to the Maître D to make sure our reservation is still in place. I see James hand him a few large bills.

James sets his hand on my back. I know because I see him come up behind me and do it, not because I feel it. I don't feel anything at all.

James tells me that we will be seated shortly. There is some event at the restaurant this evening, but they have a small section reserved for the VIP guests such as James. I nod.

As we are called for our table I am shocked when a group of photographers request to take our photo. They ask Mr. Wilton who the lovely young lady with him is. He pulls me close to him and kisses me gently on the cheek. "This is my girlfriend, Tris Prior, although I have to be honest...the term girlfriend doesn't due her justice." I smile and control myself from fidgeting, all of the attention is making me so uncomfortable.

As we follow the Maître D to our table I am shocked to see a welcome sign for the private event that is an appreciation event for Johanna Reyes's team and largest supporters

As we follow the Maître D to our table I am shocked to see a welcome sign for the private event that is an appreciation event for Johanna Reyes's team and largest supporters. I instantly feel a chill.

Tobias.

As we turn the corner we almost bump right into Tobias and Johanna who are greeting guests that enter their section of the restaurant. I realize how awkward this must be for numerous reasons.

James and Johanna are neck and neck for this election. I know that there has been a lot of tension between the two camps as well as the candidates. And here is James, dining at the restaurant where her event is being held. I listen to them exchange tense pleasantries, that are far from sincere.

My eyes have been lowered and I can feel Tobias's eyes burning into me. My lip trembles, I can't believe this, I am so nervous and sad at the same time.

As Johanna and James continue to talk, I finally look up and meet Tobias's gaze. He has his Four-face on. We just look at each other in silence. I break eye contact first, my stomach is doing flip flops.

I break eye contact first, my stomach is doing flip flops

Finally James directs his attention to us. "Hello Tobias, it has been a while. How are you?"

Tobias scowls at him, "Just great James. I see you are doing...well."

"Incredibly well actually." James says while turning to smile at me. My face is frozen, I would give anything to be somewhere else right now. To be someone else.

James pulls me really close to him, his hand sliding dangerously low down my side and hip, I immediately feel so uncomfortable. This is cruel, and I don't like it. Tobias and I are over, but there is no reason to rub his face in it. I wiggle out of James tight grasp and tell him I need to use the restroom before we are seated.

Without making eye contact I nod goodbye to Johanna and Tobias and I rush off.

When I return to our table James is silent. He will not speak to me, only answering my questions with one word answers. It is the most uncomfortable meal I have had in my entire life. I begin to worry about why he is so angry. I feel as though the ground is swallowing me whole. I can barely cut into my chicken without my hands shaking.

When the waiter asks if we would like dessert I quickly blurt no. James scowls at me and tells the waiter he would like to see the dessert menu.

I can't take anymore. I have to get away.

I thank James for dinner and tell him goodnight. I quickly exit the restaurant while keeping my head down, I don't want to see Tobias. I don't want to see anyone. I just want to get the hell out of here.

James comes close to catching up to me in the hallway outside. My eyes full of tears, I just need space.

"Tris, damn it, wait!" I hear him yell.

I keep walking. I need to breathe. I need to be alone.

Suddenly he catches my arm and whirls me around. I am shocked at how rough he is being.

"Let me go, you are hurting me." I say quietly as I try to pull my arm away.

Instead of letting me go he grabs both of my wrists and pulls them up to his chest so that I can't pull away. My Dauntless training is ready to surface, but I don't want things to turn that way with James.

"Tris, we need to work this out. I can't lose you. Please." He says desperately.

I feel trapped, I don't know what to do or say. So I say nothing as I stop fighting him. I suddenly feel drained.

It is as though he sees the defeat in my eyes. He pulls me into his arms for an embrace, which I allow. He puts his arms around my shoulders and we leave. No words spoken by either of us.

++o++

Later that night he told me he was so jealous at my reaction when I saw Tobias. He was so insulted that I pulled away from him. I cringe.

I know that I can't be honest. If I tell him that I was worried about Tobias's feelings, he will say that I care more about my ex then him. I just tell him I am sorry, that I felt uncomfortable so I just wanted to diffuse the situation.

James suggests that staying away from Tobias may be best. Since it makes me so uncomfortable. I nod in agreement.

We agree to put that evening behind us.

James seems happy when he kisses me goodnight and tells me he looks forward to seeing me tomorrow.

As I lay down to sleep that night...my thoughts are racing. I was supposed to have a nice evening with friends. Other women, to laugh and talk and see a play. Instead James takes me to the one restaurant where the love of my life was working an event.

I close my eyes. Sleep can't come soon enough.

++o+++o++

++o+++o++ ++o+++o++

++o+++o++

*Tobias POV*

Tris dating James is slowly killing me. I can't get away from it, I have to deal with it at work and then on my off time when I let my guard down and it creeps back into my thoughts. Although he has not publicly confirmed it, the rumors were circulating among the political camps. It is big news when the youngest, most eligible bachelor starts dating someone seriously. It is something that Johanna's team is keeping an eye on.

He is a master manipulator, everything he does is calculated and planned. Bringing Tris to a dinner at the same restaurant and time that we were hosting our appreciation event was low even for him. Of course it was a huge attention draw away from Johanna.

Her biggest competitor showing up at her event, with his beautiful young girlfriend on his arm. Tris looked stunning. I saw her from afar before they were given their table. She was smiling, but I could see that she wasn't really happy.

Or maybe I am only seeing what I am desperate to believe.

Our exchange in the hallway was painful. I'm impressed Johanna didn't call James out for his bullshit antics. And then Tris, to stand across from her while another man had his arms around her. I could barely see straight I was so jealous. As soon as Tris ran off to the restroom and James went to his table, Johanna warned me to stay away from them. She was very concerned that I was going to make a scene. She sympathizes with my situation but is also concerned about this election.

I love Tris. But she has made it clear that she doesn't want me in her life. And to see that she is...with another man. It is killing me, but I can't lose control. I genuinely believe in the changes that having Johanna win this election will bring for so many people. I have to think of the greater good.

So I will stop myself from throttling James.

I make it through most of the event, which keeps me extremely busy. Towards the end I break away to use the restroom. On my walk there I see where Tris and James are seated, they appear to be done with dinner. I quickly turn my head away, I have no desire to see the happy couple during their date. As I am walking back to my party I see Tris flying out of the restaurant with James hot on her heels. I don't think, I just follow them.

"Tris, damn it, wait!" I hear him yell.

I know she hears him too, but she keeps walking.

I feel my insides twist when I see him catch her arm and spin her around to face him. I can't tell from where I am standing if she is trying to break away or if he is being aggressive.

When he grabs both of her wrists and pulls her closer to him I begin my approach. Then I see that she appears to be calm. I slow down, again I am not sure what I am watching.

He is talking, and she is listening. Tris's face is unreadable. I watch as she nods her head. They walk off together.

There is something wrong there, I can feel it.

I am unable to sleep that night. I toss and turn worrying about Tris with James. I try to sort through my feelings, I am hoping this is not jealously alone that is fueling this. I don't think so. Years of growing up in an abusive home has affected the way I look at people around me. There was something in James's body language that made me feel sick. It is a gut feeling, I just need to talk to Tris.

++o++

I call Kelly White and she encourages me meet her for a quick meeting on my way to work. I meet her in the visiting center and she explains it would still be a conflict of interest if she is my therapist as she had been working with Tris.

"Past tense? Is Tris no longer getting counseling?" I ask, truly confused.

I watch her face fall as she picks at her nails. It is a nervous feature I've never seen the woman do before. And we have dealt with some very uncomfortable situations.

"I can't discuss Tris's therapy. Let's concentrate on you." She stresses.

I tell her the only reason I wanted to meet with her was to ask if Tris ever mentioned what she thought about my letter. Kelly reminds that I would need to ask Tris directly. She can't be in the middle unless it is Tris that invites her to navigate.

I nod my head in understanding and thank her for her time.

++o++

On my way to work I scope out the offices that the Wilton campaign are using, as I suspected Tris arrives. I assumed she would be volunteering at her boyfriend's campaign headquarters.

I make sure to use my lunch to see if I can catch her. I know the candidates are in a briefing all afternoon that is closed door.

As she is walking through the bureau I catch up with her in the atrium.

"Tris. We need to talk." I call out to her.

She turns around, her eyes unreadable to me now. It makes me sad. But this is where we find ourselves. "What about?" she asks wearily.

I move to stand in front of her, but I make it a point not to stand too close. Seeing her now is a painful reminder to me that we are not together.

"Tobias?" she after a moment, pulling my out of my daze of staring at her.

"First, I was hoping I would hear from you...I know you got my letter. I got notice that you signed for it," I look at her hopefully. I poured my heart and soul into that letter.

Tris frowns at me and shakes her head for a moment.

"Yes, I got it and I read it. I told you already that I am not interested. So the letter was too little, too late! If you must know, I ripped it and threw it away moments after getting it." she blurts.

My mouth hangs open, I didn't realize how much it would hurt me to imagine her having a negative reaction to the letter.

I remind myself, I am not going to put my letter ahead of her well being. I am hurt, but I need to say what I came here to say.

"Fine, Tris. Secondly and more important...I saw you and James outside of the restaurant last night."

A frown crosses her face as she averts her eyes. Tris remains silent.

I clear my throat, her eyes dart back to me nervously. I need to tell her, as uncomfortable as this is for me...I love her, and I want her to be safe and happy.

"Look, I know you don't want anything to do with me...and I am not going to lie to you and say that doesn't kill me, Tris," I pause, "but more important than any of that, I need to talk to you about James."

Her body stiffens as she frowns. Before she can open her mouth to object I blurt out, "I think there is something off about him."

"What," she asks, "why would you say that?"

I step closer to her, unable to resist I slip my hand around hers. The contact immediately fills me with warmth. She doesn't pull away.

"I have known him for a while, he is ruthless and cunning when it comes to politics. After seeing him with you last night, I saw something in him that reminded me of Marcus. The way I would remember seeing him with Evelyn..."

She snatches her hand away, he eyes flashing with anger.

"You think James is like your crazy, abusive father? What the hell are you talking about? Why would you say these things to me? Does it bother you so much to see me happy?" she spits at me.

"That's not it at all, Tris. I just want you to be careful with James, please. Besides, I don't think you are happy with him!" I snap.

"You are something else, Tobias Eaton! Why the hell are you still at the bureau? You should go back to Christina, I am sure by now she has an itch she needs you to scratch."

I frown at her and shake my head. Why can't she see how much I love her?

"If I wanted her, I would be with her." I softly whisper.

Her face gets red with anger, her eyes flashing. "I am not as stupid as you think! I know that Christina was just here and sleeping in your bed. Do you have no shame?!"

"What!? I told you, Christina and I were over the moment I saw you. The moment I knew you were alive. I would never sleep with her while pursuing you. How can you even think that of me!?"

"Just stop, these games are exhausting me. I just can't, Tobias. I don't have the energy." She says softly.

I frown, I know that I can't get anywhere when she is like this.

Suddenly she is wiping a tear that fell down her cheek away. My heart aches to comfort her, I move close but she immediately holds up her hands, "Please, don't."

Tris sniffles and then softly says, "I realized something the other day; I lost over a year with you. Thirteen months...that time you had with Christina by your side as your best friend and then lover...is a lot longer than we even knew each other."

I brace myself as I try to make out where she is going with this.

"I just want to say...I mean...I understand that Christina would mean more to you than I..."

"Damn it Tris! How can you think that? It doesn't matter how many months, or weeks, or days that two people are around each other...what matters is their passion, their love, their chemistry!" I gently place my hands on her shoulders and pull her closer to me.

"Listen to me, Tris Prior. I believe that for us, no one will ever top what we are to each other. It will never happen. I know I've made mistakes- but I'm still me. I'm not perfect, and I never pretended to be. The things we have felt for each other, what we have been through together...we are meant to be together. The only reason I am not kissing you right now is because you are dating James." I release her shoulders, but she doesn't take a step back.

I want nothing more than to press my lips against her and feel her close to me, but now is not the right time. I'm going to treat her with respect.

"Whatever you do Tris, don't settle. Especially if it is just to spite me."

Her eyes widen and her lips part in shock. I see the worry flash in her eyes and then she turns on her heals and quickly walks away.

++o++

++o+++o++

++o++

Political Correspondents Dinner – 1 Week Later

I have been dreading this event all week. The Wilton camp published a press release announcing that James would be escorting his serious girlfriend to the Political Correspondents Dinner. It then gave a brief bio on Tris and her background. Even sharing details that she is one of the eighteen women that was rescued from the secret lab earlier this year. I frowned as I was reading, I can't believe she would be happy with those personal details being shared. The media has been respecting the privacy of all of the victims, this will put a large amount of attention on Tris now. How convenient for the Wilton campaign.

The candidates needed to arrive early and be inside to do the meet and greet. I was helping coordinate the press at the receiving line when Tris arrives.

She looks absolutely stunning when she walks up to the entrance. She is asked to stop and pose for a photo. When a photographer asks her to please show the back of her dress her smile falters. I notice that one of James's handlers prods her to do it.

I notice that one of James's handlers prods her to do it

Her smile is not as bright when she turns. My eyes almost pop out of my head at how incredibly sexy the dress it is. The dress covers her shoulders and attaches in the top back, but then opens to completely show her back leading all the way to the very top of her butt. An inch lower and I am sure you would see her actual butt. The dress showing off every single amazing curve.

I can't take my eyes off of her. She is stunning, but I still can't imagine that Tris would be comfortable in a dress like that. So why is she wearing it?

"Do you like what you see?" James Wilton whispers into my ear, startling me. Almost as though he is taunting me.

Fuck. Of course he would catch me ogling Tris. I am tired of his crap, I have been putting up with it for many months before Tris even returned.

"Actually James, I do. Probably like every other man who is here. That is what happens when you pressure your girlfriend to wear such a revealing dress." I say calmly. I am going on my hunch that he or his political team decided what image Tris needed to display for this evening.

"Did Tris tell you that?!" I see the anger flash in his eyes. I knew it! She would never want to wear that style of dress.

I just laugh at him. Let him think that. Asshole.

With a smug look James leans in and says, "I couldn't understand at first, what was your hang up on Tris. I mean, yeah Christina is a loud mouth bitch, but still a really sexy girl."

I scowl at him, not liking how rude he is being about Christina.

He smiles at me and continues, "But man - your thing for Tris, I get it now. Those sweet sounds she makes when she comes. The way she loses herself in her passion. Sex with Tris is addictive. I can only imagine how you must miss that - but she is mine now. I am the one to please her."

Instantly I'm livid with rage, as a pang of jealously shoots through me. I never allowed myself to imagine they would have been having sex already.

More importantly, how dare he talk about Tris that way?! Disrespectful bastard. I am going to fucking kill him.

I don't even think as my fist connects with his jaw. People around us gasp and step back. The asshole actually smirks at me and delivers a punch to my stomach. He is stronger than I thought he would be.

But I have blind rage on my side. I throw a second punch to his nose and then a kick to his knee that knocks him down.

I am tackled by security guards and quickly dragged out of the public space. I am thrown in a secure room and told I will need to sit there until Johanna is contacted about this.

I am thrown in a secure room and told I will need to sit there until Johanna is contacted about this

I am in big trouble.

But I would do it again. There is something seriously off about this guy.

I wish Tris would believe me.

++o+++o++

++o+++o++ ++o+++o++

++o+++o++

*Tris POV*

I hear the commotion coming from the press section behind me. When I hear someone scream that Mr. Wilton is being attacked I gasp. I carefully work my way over just in time to see Tobias being dragged off by event security. He doesn't see me as they pass.

I see that James is laying on the floor as they are trying to get him medical attention. I felt a sense of dread shoot down my spine. What has Tobias done, and why?!

I walk over carefully and explain I am his girlfriend. As I get closer he calls for me. He seems to be in a lot of pain and badly injured.

"James? What happened!?"

"He went crazy on me. All because of Christina. I couldn't help myself, I told him that I think she was way out of line for how she tormented you that night. I lost my cool and called Christina a bitch," James shudders as though remembering, "he just went crazy on me. Telling me I should never disrespect her."

I swallow down a gulp, I can't believe Tobias. This is his job, and we are at a public event. It shows how much he cares for Christina to fly off the handle in this way. I am both angry and jealous at the same time.

I tell James to forget about Tobias, we need to concentrate on getting him fixed up.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Tobias says one thing, but his actions always show me the truth.

He really cares about Christina.

I wish it didn't hurt so much.

++o++ Chapter End ++o++


	13. Chapter 13: Picture Worth A Thousand Words

++++++++o++++o++++++++

Chapter 13: Picture Worth A Thousand Words

^^ Two months since Tris Returned ^^

*Tris POV*

Is he serious right now? This is the third time he has called and asked me to make sure I wear my engagement ring to the function this evening. For the third time I tell him I'm already wearing it. Since I forgot to put it on for one public event, James is now obsessed over me wearing my ring at all times.

After leaving Abnegation I never imagined that I would be engaged at eighteen years old. Eighteen in Abnegation would have been a typical age. Shortly after the political event that was our first public appearance James began dropping hints about marriage, forever, children, how much he loves me.

When you feel as though you are standing on the edge of a cliff, or worse – running towards it desperately...it is very flattering to have someone tell you again and again that you are their everything.

And I will never forget, James saved my life that night. I owe him everything.

We had talked about marriage a couple of times before that day, and I was always very flattered, James is a handsome man, powerful, wealthy...everyone I meet tells me how lucky I am to be with him. A word often used for him is perfect. I am still not sure why someone who seems so perfect, would want anything to do with me.

I told him, marriage is something I do want...one day in the future, but after all I have just been through with the coma and how young I was – it was not something I was ready for. He would smile and agree, assuring me that when I was ready, he would be waiting for me with open arms. Often declaring I was the only one that would ever make him happy.

I look in the mirror, I admire my new haircut. It is not a drastic change, but it makes me feel older. The shorter length causes it to bounce on my shoulders, I love it. I want to feel older, so I can pull off this huge diamond ring that I am wearing. There is still a part of me that feels as though I am playing dress up as children sometimes do.

++o++ Flashback ++o++

"Tris, I made you an appointment at the nail salon, a special treat for you. I want you to go this afternoon, it's important." James told me.

I frown, thinking over the many times I've had to cancel plans with Jessica and even the one weekend when Michelle was visiting because of last minute things for James, always something he needed me to do, or something that we were supposed to do together.

"I can't today, but thank you. I will be able to use it tomorrow," I say with a smile. "Thank you for thinking of me."

James frowns, I ready myself for the inevitable argument.

After going round and round I agree to get my nails done that day, he insists it is really important. There is going to be a lot of press at his private event this evening and as the election draws closer - - every little detail matters. I know his career is important, and that it will make a difference. It just seems that it will always trump anything I ever have to say in a discussion.

That evening as I got dressed and sat down in the chair as his stylist did a quick makeup application, I allowed my thoughts to wander to Tobias...

A week earlier was the dreaded fight between them. It was awful, James's injuries were extensive and the next day his political team wanted him to press criminal charges against Tobias, claiming that it would be the most detrimental strike to Johanna's campaign. He was already being held without the prospect of bail, I can only imagine strings were pulled to enforce that.

I was horrified that Tobias could end up in prison or with a record, all because of a strategic move for an election. I demanded that everyone leave the room and give James and me a moment. I was livid.

He immediately accused me of being obsessed with Tobias, and that the only thing I cared about was him. And that I would always put Tobias ahead of him. He made sure to remind me that Tobias was in this mess because of his need to defend Christina's honor. I flinched painfully before I could control my reaction, which just fueled James's terrible jealousy even more.

It was the worst fight we had ever had, but I would not back down. It was not right that both he and Tobias got into a physical fight, but it didn't need to be made into a life changing event. James was fine.

I had to convince James, if he would just let Tobias off the hook – I promised him that it would help me not to feel guilty and worried about him. That I could then turn my back on Tobias and never look back.

I promised James that I accepted that Tobias's priority is Christina and we had nothing between us. It was the truth, I have accepted that Tobias will never get over her. Seeing them at the party during her stripper-like dance, and now the way Tobias went crazy defending her...I have accepted it.

James dropped the charges...and I have made it a point to avoid Tobias ever since. My understanding is that Tobias was instructed to stay away from James at all costs, and he has even been sidelined from any events for his job if James will be present. Johanna had to agree to that, it was a big thing.

James made it very clear, he was only doing this for me. Because my happiness means everything to him. His political team was furious with me, they didn't have the balls to say anything to me directly but I got the cold shoulder and dirty looks. It was not a happy time.

"Tris? Do you like the make up?" the stylist asks.

I notice that it is much more drastic then I would ever wear, but I already know that it needs to be extreme so it shows up well in photos for the press. I smile and thank her.

This is a high profile event that is closed to the public and by invitation only. James secured a location that would not allow anyone not on his guest list to enter. The evening was going well, his inner most circle was enjoying the celebration.

At the very end James took to the main stage and thanks everyone for attending, for their support in his life and campaign and then he discusses how these last months have been the best of his life as he has learned what it really means to love. My cheeks immediately blush, and many eyes face my way.

James holds out his hand for me to join him on stage. I am frozen in my seat, there are so many people here. Suddenly one of his handlers is offering me his arm so he can walk me from my seat to where James is standing. All eyes were on me, I felt as though I am walking through quicksand and sinking with each step I take. Everyone is looking at me. I hate this, I hate this attention. I felt dread.

Once on stage James pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I am stunned into silence. He gets on one knee asks me to marry him. I hear many happy, encouraging sounds from the crowd. I remained silent, as I was shocked he would ask me to marry him after we had agreed it was too soon.

And then James kissed my hand and spoke into the microphone, "My darling Tris, this will be a personal and inside story. I love you, and I could not imagine my life without you in it. I have to tell you, I keep a vial of water reservoir in my bathroom cabinet, to remind me of what I almost lost, when you almost lost yourself." Reminded how he saved me I am still dumbfounded, all I could think to do was nod my head in agreement.

" Reminded how he saved me I am still dumbfounded, all I could think to do was nod my head in agreement

He placed the largest diamond ring I have ever seen on my finger. It is shockingly large, nothing that I would ever have picked out for myself.

I am getting married...

++o++ Flashback End ++o++

I bite my lip as I put my earrings on, staring at my reflection in the mirror...am I doing the right thing?

Stop! I chastise myself. Of course I am. There is no reason not to marry James, he is devoted to me. He is protective, and loyal. He has stressed time and time again that he wants to do things the right way, waiting until we are married to have sex, and therefore he wants to get married quickly. He wants to give me everything.

A firm knock I recognize as James interrupts my thoughts. I am thankful for the distraction, I rush to the door and open it with a smile. I immediately show James that I have my ring on as I smile playfully. When I see that he looks disappointed my smile fades. I have no idea what I could have possibly have done to upset him...this time.

"Well...I see you got your hair cut," he says coolly.

My face falls, does he hate it? Is it that bad? The women at the salon raved about it, and Jessica was able to meet me and she has the most amazing taste - - she loved my choice.

I try to blink back my tears. "You don't like it?"

"It's not the haircut, Tris. The issue is that we are supposed to be a team, in love, getting married...when you go and make a significant change without talking to me...it just shows me that you don't really care what I think. Or how I feel. It makes me wonder if you are really committed to me. Maybe you don't love me as much as I love you." He crosses his arms and looks at me with a gloomy expression.

I am rendered speechless.

"You know what? First you forget to wear your engagement ring, and now this haircut. I'm sorry I am not Tobias...or that I can't wave a magic wand and make him want you instead of Christina...because I love you so much Tris, if I thought he could cherish you the way you deserve, I would step aside." Tears fill his eyes and he steps back from me, "There is only so much I can take. Maybe you should just be alone for a while, so you can learn to appreciate me."

A feeling of panic bubbles inside of me. How is this even happening? It is a haircut.

"James, I am sorry about my hair. I didn't even think it would matter...it was my mistake. It won't happen again..." I mumble. I just want this fight to be over. I am so tired, so drained.

"I don't know, Tris. You mean everything to me...but I just don't feel that you care enough," he mumbles.

My head is pounding, and I can feel my chest starting to tighten. Damn it, I may be at the start of a panic attack. I breathe in and out and step back. Concern immediately crosses his face. "Tris? Baby?!"

I close my eyes and try not to panic. It has been so hard not seeing my therapists, but it was impossible for me to make it through a session and not share personal details of my relationship. I can't wait until the election is over, I need help. It will be soon, I am counting the weeks.

James helps me to sit down and he rubs my back, he tells me he is sorry. He didn't mean to upset me. I nod and try to calm down. I started having panic attacks shortly after that night he saved me. He spoke with his private physician and was able to discreetly prescribe me medication that helps to fend them off. James hands me a pill and a glass of water.

I take a short nap and then I am ready to go to the event. James and I both ignore the fight, no further mention of my haircut.

++0++

The private event where our engagement took place only had guests that James trusts implicitly. The staff working the event was carefully vetted and Non-Disclosure Agreements had to be signed. There were many topics regarding strategy and campaign processes that were discussed. At the end of the evening James's campaign manager reminded the guests and the staff that all items, including our engagement, were to be kept private.

As far as I know, the press has not gotten wind of our plans. I know James wants to announce our engagement when the time is right. I offered to not wear the engagement ring, but he insisted that he wanted me to have it on at all times.

Tonight's event is much larger. Johanna, among many other candidates will be present. I know that Tobias will not be here as he has been banned from events like these. Johanna had already agreed it was for the best if there was distance between Tobias and James. As the evening is drawing to an end a reporter has a few key questions for James and his top advisors. James apologizes and tells me it will take at least half an hour. One of his staff offers to escort me back to my apartment.

As we are walking through the bureau and turn the corner to enter the lobby of my building I immediately notice Tobias. He is across the way, leaning against the wall, as though he was awaiting my arrival. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I stop in my tracks, turning to James's staff member I thank him for walking me to my building, but I would be more comfortable if we parted ways in the lobby

I stop in my tracks, turning to James's staff member I thank him for walking me to my building, but I would be more comfortable if we parted ways in the lobby. I assure him it is a secure building and that I am now safe. At my use of the word comfortable, I knew he would not want to push the subject with me.

As I watch him depart, I slowly turn and walk towards Tobias. I have not seen him in a couple of weeks, and my heart is racing now. I also know that I should not be talking to him, I made a promise to James. I walk past him and signal that he should follow me. He nods and waits a moment.

I walk to the building's private gym, at this time of night I knew it would be empty.

"Tobias. You can't be here. You have to leave before anyone sees you." I say softly, not meeting his eyes.

Tobias runs his hand through his hair, he seems flustered. I wait for him to speak.

"Tris...I know we don't have that much time. But I needed to talk to you."

"Why would you risk this?! James could have been the one to walk me home, I can't even imagine..."

"One of my coworkers gave me a heads up that he was detained, and that you left tonight's event. Tris...I don't know where to start. Ok first, I want to thank you. I know that James and his team were hell bent on pressing charges for the fight." He pauses when he sees the frown that crosses my face.

My mind remembering how Tobias went crazy on James, all in defense of Christina. Instantly terrible jealousy courses through me. Why am I standing here? Why am I breaking a promise to my fiancé so I can listen to Tobias try to string me along some more?

I take a deep breath and cross my arms, waiting for him to get to his point.

"I was just going to thank you for intervening. Johanna told me," he says, searching my face as though trying to understand me.

I just nod, I am trying to control my envy at his outburst because James had insulted her. Even now, the thought of Tobias and Christina makes my body tense up. I wish I didn't care, maybe one day I will get there.

"You're welcome, I need to go," I say as I turn to leave. His hand reaches out to touch my shoulder, the contact instantly shooting sparks throughout my body. "Don't touch me!" I snap.

"Tris, I can't keep throwing myself at your feet, so that you can step on me again and again," he says quietly. "I do love you, but I just...I am losing hope."

"I lost hope a long time ago," I mumble sadly.

"Fine, I don't want to get into that. I came to warn you, please be careful with James." He stresses, "I suspect there is something seriously wrong with him, there is a darkness to him, and he hides it so well under his façade of the charismatic politician." Tobias looks so stressed.

I feel as though I've been kicked in the stomach. Why does he do this to me?

"This bullshit again? Why are you doing this to me?!" I snap, "How do you think it makes me feel to have you step back in and try to tear down the one person who loves me?"

Tobias flinches. "He is the one person that loves you? Are you deaf?! I have been telling you that I love you for months, it's pathetic how hard I have tried to convince you." His voice rising.

"Ha! Yeah – I was so moved by your lip-licking private lap-dance, and then you screwing Christina at the same time as you are professing your so called love, and let's not forget you deranged physical assault in honor of her too. You say the right things...but your actions disappoint me again and again." I stop so I can breathe to calm myself.

"Tris! Let me explain—"

I cut him off, "No! No more! There is nothing left for us to say. This is the last damn time that I am going to speak to you, think about you, I am done. It's over. I am marrying James! We are getting married...and soon."

Tobias looks at me as though I have three heads. He nods his head as though he can't believe the words that I just said. "I don't believe that, you're only saying this to hurt me. You couldn't be that stupid."

I hold up my hand, showing him my engagement ring. What I didn't expect was for Tobias to start laughing loudly. I frown at him, he is such an asshole. I knew he didn't give a fuck about me. Bastard.

I frown and move to walk away from him. I can't take much more of these games. James is going to explode if he finds out I am even talking to Tobias.

"Oh no you don't, it is my turn to talk," Tobias snaps as he moves to block my exit.

"First, that ring is fucking obnoxious. He either doesn't know you...or he doesn't care what kind of ring you would actually love." He laughs again, I clench my fists at my side to keep from slapping him. He is right, and I hate that.

He then gets serious. "Second, I want to congratulate you. You win, I am fucking done with you now. You are just not worth all the bullshit I have been going through these months. I left my entire life behind in Chicago, my friends, my real job, all so I could live here and chase you like some kind of asshole. I am going home."

I listen to his words

I listen to his words. He is right, I am just not worth it. He finally realized it, I knew this moment would come. I nod my head in acceptance.

"Ok. Have a safe trip back to Chicago, enjoy your life with Christina and whomever the fuck else it is that you left behind there," I say calmly. I feel nothing. I literally feel as though I am outside of my body and watching this exchange.

He looks at me one last time, giving me a sad look. As though I am the most pathetic person he has ever seen, which I am probably am. "You are your own worst enemy, Tris."

I stare at him, my face emotionless because part of me has just died. I hate that he still has this power over me.

We stare at each other in silence, finally he says nothing and turns and leaves me standing alone in the gym.

I don't know how long I stand there in silence, it feels like forever. I then walk into the gym restroom and sit on the floor of the bathroom and sob. I tell myself I will cry for Tobias Eaton one last time and then I will forget him. I have known all along, I was never going to be enough for him. I would never be able to compete with Christina. It would just have been a matter of time before he realized it too. It is better we part ways now, than having him leave me later. I have to forget him.

I will start a new life, as Tris Wilton.

++o++o++

++o++o++ ++o++o++

++o++o++

*Tobias POV*

I charge out of the room, I can't remember a time I have ever been madder at Tris. I am shaking with rage...engaged to that piece of shit?! She is wearing another man's ring! I hate her so much. I hate her. I fucking hate her.

I stop in an empty hallway before I make it out to the main lobby of her building. I lean against the wall and pause to calm myself down. As my anger subsides, it is replaced with a great sadness.

I don't hate Tris. I love her, I love her and she is breaking my heart. I regret telling her I am giving up. I was so angry, I lashed out. I breathe in and out, slowing the pounding of my heart.

I need to go back. I need to tell her that I am sorry. I can't give up on her, I saw her face. She was hurt, if she didn't care, I know she would not have reacted that way. It is the way she deals with deep heartache – she shuts down.

If she didn't care, she would have fought back.

I know she loves me. But something is holding her back, I need to find out what it is before it's too late.

I turn to walk back when I hear James call my name. I flinch and turn around.

"Tobias, why don't we do for a walk? I have something you are going to want to see," James says calmly.

I nod my head and follow him out of Tris's building. I can only imagine what he has to say. I half expected bureau security waiting to apprehend me as we walked out. But it is just us.

James smiles at me, his eyes look bright. He hands me a sealed large manila envelope.

"I suggest you open that in private. Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words." He smiles as though amused with himself.

"So here is how things are going to play out, Tobias. You are returning to Chicago immediately. If you ever get near Tris again, or even think about her, I will personally make sure she sees the contents of that envelope," James says smugly.

James waves goodbye and walks away, he turns back one time and says, "How kinky, sex like dogs in a public place. I can't help but wonder what poor Tris would think if she saw your action pics? It might actually kill her."

A chill goes through me, I already know what they are without opening the envelope. The first time Christina and I hooked up, it was on the floor of the training room. I feel sick.

I run home and open the envelope. It is a few black and white stills of us having sex. How in the hell did James get these?

I lower my face into my hands and scream, feeling completely defeated.

James has won.

I start my fireplace and carefully destroy each photo. They make me sick to look at them now. I know that if Tris ever saw these photos, it would hurt her so badly. She might never recover.

James won. I will never see Tris again.

I am leaving this place, I am going back to Chicago and leaving my heart here with her.

I begin packing, tears streaming down my face.

I've lost everything.

++0++ Chapter End ++o++

+++++++++o+ End of Part I +o++++++++


	14. Chapter 14: Finding Holes

++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++

++o++ ++0++ Part II: Things Are Not As They Seem ++o++ ++o++

++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++++o++ ++o++

Chapter 14: Finding Holes

^^ Two months & one week since Tris Returned ^^

*Tris POV*

I look at my reflection in the mirror as the makeup artist James hired does her magic. She is not someone I have met before, as she is not part of the James's preferred team of support staff. Unfortunately the usual woman is sick with the stomach flu and needed to cancel at the last minute.

"Tricia, you are the cutest doll I've ever met! I was so excited when I got the call from the agency about doing your makeup this morning. Wow – I'm so excited my work will be in Mr. Wilton's engagement photos!"

I meet her eyes in the mirror and smile shyly, she is really nice and energetic. I gave up correcting her over my name about twenty minutes ago. I don't mind if she keeps calling me Tricia.

I understand her excitement over being able to add these photos to her portfolio. James is a very charismatic man. Wherever he goes, his presence demands attention and respect. I find myself drawn to him, while also being very intimidated by him. His passion for me and the way it projects is so...erratic. By erratic I mean unpredictable - I never know if he will be overflowing with love and affection or the times his jealousy and need to control overshadow everything else.

"Marie, is it ok if I lean back and rest my eyes? I am so tired and I've not had much time to myself. But if it will interfere with the application..." I ask while yawning.

"You're a sweetheart, go ahead and close your eyes. I will wake you when time for the mascara and eyeliner, until then just relax." She says cheerfully. "Oh, Tricia - - I have a list of the color palette they had planned for you, but I think if we go with light creams instead of dark purple it will look more natural and not as drastic. And I was thinking of a more muted lipstick color. Is that ok?"

"Of course Marie, I am not picky. Please, just don't make me look like a clown!" I smile as my eyes are closed and I lean back in the makeup chair. She laughs.

My mind replays the last week.

The morning after my last fight with Tobias was eventful to say the least. James showed up to my apartment with dozens and dozens of flowers and whisked me away for a romantic day. He said he wanted to apologize for how busy he has been with the ongoing election and especially for having to bail on me the night before. I frowned remembering my terrible exchange with Tobias, but I quickly pushed those thoughts away. We were done, he had finally had enough. The day was a whirlwind of pampering and fun and at the end James had the biggest surprise of all...our appointment with the Wedding Planners.

I was stunned when James told me in front of the Wedding Planner and her team that the wedding would be one month away. I think a look of shock crossed my face as some of the staff looked confused at my reaction. James asked for a moment of privacy and we had a serious discussion about the wedding. In the end he pushed and pushed, asking me for exact reasons why I wanted to postpone our wedding. I had to keep reminding him that it is impossible to postpone a date that had never been set! I never agreed to get married so quickly! He asked me if my hesitation had anything to do with Tobias. I felt as though I had been slapped, Tobias's and my harsh words resonating through my mind once again. I also remember that Tobias finally had enough, he was returning to Chicago and was moving past me.

I assured James that Tobias had nothing to do with anything. James smiled and looked relieved. It was when James explained that he wanted to officially start our lives together as man and wife, he also hinted that since we were waiting to consummate he was anxious as well.

We agreed on two months, and when we went out to rejoin the Wedding Planning team they jumped into action. It was James's election manager that pointed out how he would do better in the polls if he is married to such a lovely woman, whom he adores.

Since the date was set, the last week has been nonstop planning and preparation.

It was just yesterday that I ran into Johanna at an event, she congratulated me on my engagement. I had not seen her since before the news was announced. Once James set the date, announcements had been made.

She looked at me sadly and told me she wondered why Tobias had suddenly packed up his things and moved back to Chicago. I told her that there were many reasons he decided to leave. Our differences were not something that we could work past, James or no James. My mind reeling, learning for the first time that Tobias had in fact left the bureau. He meant what he said, he was done. Done with me. He was gone.

Johanna looked at me with genuine sympathy, there was no hiding in that moment the pain I felt over Tobias.

I am suddenly snapped back to the present when Marie gets my attention.

"Tricia? Tricia honey? Are you awake?" Marie's soothing voice calls me.

I sigh and open my eyes to look at my reflection in the mirror. So here I am, getting ready to take our professional engagement photos. It seems as every move, every chore, and every conversation is in support of the election. I am exhausted.

Stop, I scold myself. I am not being fair, of course this is a crazy time for James. But this will not be forever.

I lean forward to examine the changes Marie made to my makeup application and smile. I love it. It looks beautiful, and more natural. I thank her and smile. I ask if she has a card that I can keep, I would like to see if I can work with her moving forward. She smiles happily and give me a hug.

Out of the corner of my eye I see James and one of his assistants enter the room.

"Tris, we need to hurry. I have a full schedule today, love. Please tell me you are ready for the pictures... What the hell is this!?" James suddenly yells, making both Marie and I jump.

My eyes widen as I see him storm over to look at my reflection in the mirror. He looks furious, he scowls and yells for his assistant to get his campaign manager.

"James?" I ask, hating how timid my voice sounds.

"Tris, what the fuck? Why does your make up look like that?!" he sneers.

I look at myself in the mirror as I desperately try to figure out if there is a blatant flaw that I am not seeing.

"You know damn well that we had an established makeup plan in place, it is written down for fucks sakes! Damn it, why is it that every time I leave you to get something done on your own...you manage to sabotage it!" he is now hollering at me.

Marie, who is an older woman, clears her throat and kindly tries to cover for me, "I will take responsibility, I saw the written plan and I decided to take it in a different direction, I am sorry Mr. Wilton."

"Are you blind?! Her makeup looks like absolute shit! What the fuck am I paying you for, I can't even tell she had her makeup done?!" He says snidely. "Hurry the fuck up and fix this shit show!"

I cringe. As much as I hate when he talks to me that way, it pains me even more when he directs his rage at someone who is just trying to work hard and do their job.

I try to tune out James and his campaign manager as they go over the schedule that now needs to be rearranged because of the extra time needed to correct my makeup.

I sit in my seat quietly as Marie quickly uses makeup remover to start over. I am gnawing on the side of my cheek to keep my tears away. When Marie smiles at me sadly; I feel her pity. One tear escapes down my cheek and she quickly wipes it away before he sees. James walks back over to inspect Marie's work, reminding her to hurry up.

He sighs, and meets my eyes in the mirror. I avert my gaze and stare at my engagement ring, my hand resting on my lap.

"I am sorry, Tris. I'm under so much pressure, this election is pushing me past my limits. And it is no excuse, but these pictures are really important. They are going to be printed at the national level." He says firmly, while searching my face for some level of understanding.

Even though I feel sick on the inside, I meet his gaze as I nod my head and force a smile.

Some battles are not worth fighting.

++o++

A couple of days have passed and the edited proofs of our engagement photos have arrived. James is thrilled to show me the photos. They also did some headshots of me alone, as there will often be articles that are just about me.

They also did some headshots of me alone, as there will often be articles that are just about me

I don't even recognize myself when I look at these pictures, but I push my doubts away.

I notice that James' trusted advisors are covering his to do list with him and I hear my name mentioned, he suddenly scolds them and asks that we have a moment alone. They immediately leave the room so that we can speak privately.

James clears his throat, "So our wedding is less than two months away, and there are still so many details we need to work out. There are two important things I want to talk to you about..."

I notice he seems a little nervous, so I can only imagine what this will be about. Knowing him, he is going to want to have a tracking device implanted under my arm so he can monitor me at all times.

Stop it. That was a mean thought. I then smile and encourage him to tell me.

The first is that he would like us to have a prenuptial agreement in place. Being from Abnegation, I needed him to explain the concept to me. As he goes into details I interrupt him, and I tell him that I don't want his money so it is fine, I will sign his document. He smiles and kisses me, he seems relieved. He also insists on having an unaffiliated lawyer to review the document from my side, he wants it to be fair to me as well. I just nod.

For the first time in a very long time I look at James and see that he is just a person that is getting married. I smile and hug him. This has been a stressful time for all of us, but things will get better after the election. It has to.

"There is another thing I wanted to discuss with you...birth control. With the wedding so close, I would prefer not to have to wear condoms...but I also want to avoid conception when we are newly married." He says calmly.

I nod my head, this conversation is starting to make the pending wedding so much more real to me. And then begins our debate.

James informs me that he has made me an appointment with a reliable gynecologist that he knows can be trusted and is discreet. My main concern is when he mentions that the doctor is a male. I tell James that I want to see a female doctor, it is what makes me more comfortable for such a personal appointment. James is unwilling to compromise and one point banging his hand on the table while demanding his way.

Our second debate is about the type of birth control he wants me to get. From talking to Jessica I know the bureau has the technology to give birth control shots that go into effect immediately, and depending on the dosage determines how long it will prevent pregnancy.

I want the one year shot, James wants the three month shot. I beg him to remember that I am only eighteen years old, I am not ready to be a mother!

I flinch as a very dark look crosses his face. He looks at me as though I am a horrible person.

He stands up and tells me that this discussion is over. I will follow his instructions and that is final.

"Why are you so controlling? It is my body, it will be my legs in the stirrups!" I yell. It is the first time I have ever raised my voice to him.

James face gets red as he warns me not to be crude, that I should remember that I am a lady. I frown and turn away. I breathe in and out to calm myself.

James then gets really quiet, and he sits down and puts his head in his hands. I frown and watch him. For the first time ever I don't care. In the past I would back down and run to comfort him.

I stand my ground and just wait.

"I love you, Tris. I am sorry if I come off as controlling. I only want what is best for you. I want to protect you. I want this doctor because I trust him, my family trusts him. I don't think you realize how ruthless this campaign can be...think about Mrs. Jones!"

I cringe thinking about his point. Mrs. Jones is the wife of another candidate that has since dropped out of the race. When Mr. Jones' popularity was at his all-time high, confidential medical documents were leaked detailing an abortion his wife had years earlier. It was scandalous and ugly for all involved.

So much so that in addition to having Mr. Jones drop out of the race, Mrs. Jones felt obligated to come forward and explain herself. She had ended a pregnancy that was the result of incestual rape, and it had already been identified that the fetus was not viable.

My stomach drops, and I feel sick remembering that horrible time. My heart broke for that family. I bite my lip, now understanding James's obsession with control.

"I want to keep you safe. I want to keep what we have safe. That is why I do the things I do. Please Tris, for me...please see the doctor I have picked. Ok?" he begs.

I release the air I had been holding and nod my head in agreement.

He tells me that the appointment with his doctor has been set up for two days later.

++o++

The following day I am sitting in the lobby of James's building waiting for him to arrive so we can then head out to an early dinner. Suddenly one of his junior assistant runs into the lobby and she stops dead in her tracks when she sees me, her eyes widening.

I raise my eyebrows and smile, she is new and seems to be adjusting to the high demand of the job...at a very slow pace. James has given her some verbal lashings already, I have pleaded with him to please take it easy on her and give her a chance.

"Oh my God. This may be it, I am finally going to get fired!" she exclaims.

"What?" I ask, my eyes widening.

She is so flustered and admits that she has had the worst day ever, making mistake after mistake. And she was supposed to have called me two hours ago to let me know that dinner was not going to happen because of a serious issue with the election that James has to address. She also is here because she needs to run to his apartment and gather the items on his list that he needs for his meeting and following press conference. She looks frantic, and then she apologizes for wasting my time as she forgot to call me.

"Dropping the ball with you will be enough to get me fired!" she wails.

I sigh and ask her to calm down and breathe. I have a plan and I explain it to her. She smiles and bites her lip nervously.

First, neither she nor I will tell anyone she forgot to call me and no one will ever need to know that I was sitting in the lobby waiting for James.

Second, I will go upstairs with her and help her gather the items on the list since she is running late. Again, no one aside from us will ever know that I helped her and was even here.

We decide to get a workout and take the stairs so that the elevator attendant won't see me, he would recognize me for sure.

Once we enter the apartment she hands me the list and starts gathering the easy items, articles of clothing, the shoes, etc.

As I skim the list I see specific instructions for his hidden safe, my stomach does a small flip as I realize that he never told me about the safe that is hidden in the guest room closet.

James had made such a big deal about showing me the hidden safe that was located in his bedroom, making sure I remembered the combination and opening it so he could show me his important papers, large bundles of cash and some family jewelry that he kept there. I just smiled that day, I have not even thought about his safe since.

Without asking permission I walk into the guest bedroom and lock the door behind me. I find the secret safe and open it with the combination provided on the sheet. As the door pops open I review his assistant's list, he wants a jump drive that is attached to a keychain that has the number 23 on it. I notice there is a container that holds dozens of different jump drives, each one linked to a keychain that has a unique number attached. I make sure I grab the correct one. After all this effort I don't want his junior assistant to get fired for making another mistake.

As I am about to close the safe an envelope grabs my attention, it looks familiar. Without thinking I pull it out and see that my full name and apartment address is written in neat penmanship. I also notice the delivery confirmation sticker that is attached, it is the same messenger service that brought me the letter Tobias had sent me.

My eyes widen when I see that the information entered into the confirmation sticker matches the envelope that I remember receiving, even the dates and times match up. The difference being that this label does not have my signature, the recipient line has been left blank. I distinctly remember signing for the letter I received.

I feel sick to my stomach, part of me already knows what has happened here.

James! I see it so clear now. He is controlling, manipulative and he struck again.

He must have somehow intercepted the real letter and put something he made up in its place, knowing that Tobias would ask me about it eventually. I bite my lip, remembering how annoyed I was over the letter. It was as though Tobias purposely had written things that would anger me. Insisting that I grow up and get over my hurt feelings, demanding a date, reminding me that I was far from perfect when we were together. The letter was...awful.

I close my eyes, remembering the hurt look on his face when I told him I read it, and then threw it away. I was frustrated with Tobias in that moment, but still...I do regret acting that way.

I have many regrets.

As I hold the other letter, the one I assume must be real as James has it locked away...my heart races at the thought of what it might say. I am also out of time, I need to get out of here.

I carefully open the envelope, while also pulling my notepad out of my bag. I count the sheets that make up the actual letter and carefully tear the same amount from my notepad. I fold the blank sheets and carefully stuff the envelope again. I had noticed that the envelope had already been opened. I assumed James would have read it already.

As I am sliding the original envelope back into the exact position in the safe I see another file, it is labeled: Mrs. Veronica Jones – Medical

My eyes widen as I pull it out. I am horrified when I see evidence that it was James that paid off her doctor from five years earlier in order to get access to her confidential medical files. I take a quick glance at the notes, it explains clearly that the baby was no longer viable and also includes a copy of a police report outlining the attack that was the reason for the pregnancy.

James not only invaded this women's privacy but he even leaked a story that was false, with just enough truth, to make her look bad and then bury his competitor. I memorize the check and banking information, I realize that I can't take this file without being obvious.

I quickly wipe the safe down to remove any prints I may have left and close and lock it.

I am shaking with rage but I must hide it, I smile at the young assistant as I hand her the needed jump drive and list. I calmly ask her if she has ever seen Mr. Wilton when he is really angry. Her eyes widen and she nods no. I sigh and tell her that not only does he fire people, but he makes sure that they can never get a decent job again.

I assure her that I am willing to not say a word, but that she is also putting me in a tough spot. As my fiancé would be pretty upset with me if he knew I was lying to him to cover for her.

So I ask her to decide how she really wants to handle this. She promises she will take today to her grave, she needs this job and there is no reason to ever tell anyone about her mistakes. If she hurries she can meet her deadline.

We part ways at the bottom of the stairs. As I slip out of his building and head towards my apartment I am walking in a daze. I feel as though my life is unraveling more and more as each minute passes.

I pick up my pace, I have a letter to read.

++o++

I run home and lock myself in my room, with shaking hands I begin to read...

I run home and lock myself in my room, with shaking hands I begin to read

++o++ Tobias's real letter ++o++

Dear Tris,

I hope this letter finds you well. No matter what happens in our lives, I hope you know that I genuinely wish you the very best in life. I don't care if it is tomorrow, or twenty years from now - - I want you to be happy and above all else safe. Even if it without me by your side.

I have been in therapy, kind of interesting that after all I have been through in my life – now is the time I have finally realized I need help. And I want to be a better person. It is therapy that has led me to write you this letter. I have actually been working on a letter for weeks now, the first ones being a letter that was to me alone. Writing everything out to myself has helped me to see things are they really are, and has also helped me to organize my thoughts...including the ones I want to share with you.

I want to start by explaining that I am not sending you this letter to guilt you or to hurt you. I just need you to understand me, and the things I have done.

I know a year of time has passed for me, whereas it hasn't for you, because of the coma. I want you to know that I remember the day that you died vividly. It is a day that I have replayed in my mind countless times over the last year.

I remember waking up next to you while laying on that couch, I remember wanting so badly to make love with you again that morning but allowing the responsibilities of the day to make us wait. We both believed we would have a forever in front of us. I remember every kiss, every joke between us.

I remember kissing you in the training room after we were done teaching Caleb how to shoot. And I remember our last "date" in the atrium before we parted ways. Your last words to me were "I love you". And then my last words to you were, "I love you, too. I'll see you soon."

I know you remember the above, I just wanted to let you know...I have not forgotten you. I could never forget you. I could never forget us.

The things I wanted to share with you that are new...

When I went into Chicago, I decided to see Evelyn, my mother. I asked her to give up her crusade and choose me. I had to give her a choice. I just wanted you to know...she chose me. She actually chose me. It was a moment in my life will never forget. In the spirit of full disclosure, things with my mother are still very strained. It is something that when I am away from her, weighs on me. What I need to work on, is when I am with her - - to remember that she did choose me. And I am her son and I want to move forward.

I had dreams, I should say dreams that always featured you by my side. Looking back, I wish had told you then. If even just to hear what your thoughts would have been. That last day in the training room I allowed myself to dream of completing our mission. I knew that Chicago would be safe, the Bureau would be forever changed, and that you and I would be able to build a new life for ourselves somewhere. I dreamed of a place where I would trade my guns and knives for more productive tools, screwdrivers and nails and shovels. I had hope for us. I regret not telling you. Part of me will always wonder, if that would have changed the choices you made that day.

I don't share this with you to make you feel bad, or guilt you. I made my own choices, I just want you to understand how lost I was without you. How much I wanted only you. So much that I wanted to lose myself.

Shortly after you death, and then after they turned Uriah's machines off I was desperate for peace. Your loss left a gaping hole in the center of every part of my life. I stole a vial of the memory serum. Backstory – Peter requested to take it while we were in Chicago! He really wanted to start new. So I saw first hand how it worked on someone, and how it would have wiped my devastation away.

It was Christina that followed me, and she was able to convince me not to erase who I was. Because the man that I had become was because of you, Tris. Only because of you. I want you to know that I see it, and anyone who knows me – sees it.

Loving you, fighting with you, forgiving you, chasing you, cherishing you, laughing with you, being intimate with you...has made me who I am today. And it also made me who I was that day that we said goodbye in the Atrium.

Your loss changed who I was at my core, for the first time in my life I have suffered from terrible nightmares. Losing you, is by far the greatest blow I have ever faced.

And now, all I can say is that I know that I have hurt you deeply. And if there was a button that I could press, or a way to go back in time and make different choices...I would do that. But I can't turn back what has already happened between Christina and I.

All that I can do is try to explain to you, I was a broken man that was not really living. And it was something that everyone around me kept trying to fix. I got to a point that I made a choice, I chose to try to move forward. I didn't even want to, but I felt like I needed to at least try. And Christina was there, and available, and convenient. So I went the easiest route. I am not proud of that either, she did deserve better than what I had to give her. But I also think she knew that, I could never hide what you still were to me. I know it is not my place, but I hope that one day you can forgive Christina. What happened between us, was not a slight against you. In our perspective, you were dead. I do regret that my choice hurt you so deeply. Don't for one moment think that Christina, or any woman, could ever replace what you were (and still are) to me.

Nobody could ever replace you.

So all I can do with this letter is try to explain what you are for me. Even moments when I am furious with you, I still love you deeply. You once told me, that had you shot me, it would have been like shooting yourself. I feel the same for you Beatrice Prior. I love you, please never forget that.

I hope one day you can forgive me, even if it still means that we have no future together.

And maybe I am being selfish in asking, but your forgiveness, when you are ready, would mean the world to me.

With love from a damaged and flawed man,

Your Tobias

++o++ Tobias's letter END ++o++

My hands shake long after I am done reading the letter. I close my eyes as tears stream down my cheeks, I picture the look on his face when he asked me if I had read his letter. And I told him I was not interested, and that the letter was too little, too late.

I was reacting to the fake letter that was full of empty promises and demands. Not this heartfelt, honest to the core letter that he wrote for me. The first letter I received was impersonal, it only demanded things from me. I know this was his real letter, the details were things that only we knew. Things only Tobias and I shared.

I think about this letter and its message, when I allowed myself to stop and actually process them...the explanation of Tobias's point of view has shown me more than all of our fights and heated arguments combined. I was driven by my anger and jealousy whenever we saw each other, I was not listening with an open heart.

It is too late to worry about what ifs. I don't know for sure what would have happened if I had gotten the real letter that day. I have to believe that it would have touched my heart then, just as it did now. To at least try to forgive him and make peace. I want to wish him well in life, even if it is with Christina or whatever other girl that wins his heart. It is the selfless thing to do, I have to try.

He is a good person, and he deserves that from me.

I sigh remembering our last fight, we both agreed that things were over between us. He has left for Chicago and told me that he was done with me, he's finally realized that I am not worth it. Tobias was so angry with me, I felt him completely disengaging. He is done. I sigh, the heaviness of the situation weighing on me.

I know that I will always love Tobias Eaton, and even though I know we are done I want to try to make peace with him and at least thank him for this letter and apologize for my initial reaction. It will help me to heal, and I want the same for him.

As much as I want to worry about Tobias right now, I can't. I need to concern myself with the problem on hand...my fiance.

For the first time in a long time, I am livid. I feel awake and strong. How dare James do this to me?!

Who am I kidding? Not myself...not anymore. This manipulation is exactly something that James would do, and I doubt he would even feel bad about his deception. I look at my 'fucking obnoxious' engagement ring. And I know in my heart, things are not right between us. And they never really were.

I cringe now, when I think of our marriage proposal Not only was it public, and at an important event for his campaign, the moment he mentioned the water reservoir I felt a pull to do what he wanted. It was a shock that he proposed when he did, and not because we had been in a serious relationship only five weeks. There are couples who have had even shorter courtships, I grew up seeing that in Abnegation, that is not the point. As far as I am concerned, it is not for anyone aside from the two people getting married to decide what the right amount of time is for them...the issue I now realize is that James knew that I wasn't ready.

It is not about the how long, of course a large congratulations to all the people that wait the average one-point-two-five years to get engaged, the issue is that we discussed clearly that I didn't want to get married yet.

And he asked me anyways, and in a setting where I felt trapped. I feel my anger rising just thinking this all over.

Yes, he saved my life. But of course that is not the only reason I am with him. He is handsome, charismatic, educated, wealthy, powerful and above all else...he know just what to say to me to make me want to be with him. He also made me feel special and alive, when I felt completely alone. On paper James Wilton reads as the perfect man. I think back to that night, I was at one of the lowest points in my life, I had just almost harmed myself to a point of no return. I was not in the right state of mind when I made my choice to be physically intimate with him in a way that is still shocking to me.

People can judge and think that they know everything about everyone - but until it happens to them...they don't really know what people (themselves and especially someone else) are capable of. Or maybe they are really so perfect that they would not have made the impulsive decision that I did, but I can't worry about critical people. I just have to accept myself and move forward as I am.

As a girl raised in Abnegation, I never imagine the things that happened that night. But they did happen. And I can't turn back time. I am now choosing not to be so narrow minded and assume I know what the best way is, or what actions are "too much". We are all people - and we all make mistakes.

Fear of judgement, and allowing James to use that excuse has forced me to put a wall between me and my friends. For the first time, I am accepting all the choices I have made to this very moment, and it is time for me to forgive myself and move forward.

I think about Tobias, remembering the conversation we had after Al's funeral in the hallways of Dauntless.

Touching his forehead to mine. "We just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time." Tobias said, which is a lesson that members of Abnegation learn- guilt is a tool, rather than a weapon against the self.

That is what I must do now.

I think about Tobias's letter...and how he is getting the therapy he needs to get better, to be well. While I have allowed a man that has a long list of excuses and reasons, to make me stop getting the help that I need. I made a poor choice, I should never have stepped back from my own therapy. Therapy that I desperately needed.

And then I think about Mrs. Jones and what James and his camp did to her. They ruined a woman's life, and of her family...so they could win. Candidate Jones was the front runner against James for his party's nomination.

This man will do anything to win.

I suddenly remember my gynecological appointment that James set up for tomorrow morning. I frown, and wonder just how far this man would go to control me.

Before I change my mind, I throw my hair in a bun and baseball cap, wear the grungiest clothes I own, and grab a wad of cash. I head straight over to the walk in Women's Clinic. This location is a more affordable option for women that are in desperate need of medical help and can't afford the main practices.

I arrive and give a fake name, I tell them that my ex-boyfriend stole my wallet that has my identification, but that I really need to see a doctor. And I also request a female doctor.

I am nervous when I enter the exam room. They advise me that a full panel is standard to rule out any sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. As I have not had intercourse with James I am not too worried but I go ahead and consent. When asked, I tell the nurse I have not had sexual intercourse in well over a year, but I have more recently been given oral sex.

I am shocked when it is explained to me that there are numerous STDs that can be passed by oral sex alone. I had no idea. She assured me we would find out soon enough, the tests will give results in moments and they have advanced enough that the findings are immediate. She told me that many years ago it was required to retest as some STDs would not show up in tests for many months. I am in a daze but nod my head, I am happy I came in. I would rather know then function in the dark. I tell the doctor that I would like to have the birth control shots that go into effect immediately and I want the one that is a full year long.

My test come back as expected, no pregnancy and no diseases. I let out a sigh of relief, it is nice hear the confirmation. The doctor and nurse bring in the year long shot, but inform me that they need to perform a full physical exam before they will administer it.

I breathe in and out as I lay back on the exam table and situate myself at the very edge of the table and place my legs in the stirrups. I bite my lip nervously. As the doctor is examining me, she and the female nurse are exchanging friendly banter, which does put me more at ease. I feel a little uncomfortable as she checks me internally, and also pokes and prods my lower stomach. She also performs an ultrasound of my lower region to rule out any ovarian cysts or uterus issues, it is part of the regular exam.

Once I am dressed, and after the shot was administered I thank the doctor for being so good with me. I tell her that it was my first ever 'women's appointment' and I had been extremely nervous.

The doctor begins to laugh as though I have just made the funniest joke. I smile at her, not quite understanding why she thinks I am trying to be funny.

"By the way, I meant to ask you how old is your baby now?" The doctor smiles as she is noting her chart and looking over my ultrasound screens.

I look at her blankly. Unable to comprehend the meaning behind her words.

"What?" I mumble.

"Your baby? From my physical exam I could tell that you have carried a baby to full term. And let me say that your C-section scar has healed amazingly. It is almost invisible if you wouldn't know what you were looking for."

A baby?

Tobias's face flashes through my mind.

Our baby.

+++o+++ Chapter End +++o+++


	15. Chapter 15: Starting Her Mission

Chapter 15: Starting Her Mission

^^ The Next Day ^^

*Tris POV*

"Tris, are you sure everything is ok? You seem a little off today," James frowns as he leans across the table to gently grasp my hand. "Are you nervous about your doctor's appointment?"

I meet his gaze as my free hand lifts the orange juice glass to my lips, buying myself time to formulate an answer.

"I'm fine, James. Although you may be right, I'm more nervous about my appointment then I realize. I know he is a doctor, but I am still uneasy; it being such a personal exam. Being from Abnegation will always affect how I look at things."

He smiles at me with understanding, "Again, I am so sorry I have been so busy these days. I feel terrible I can't be at your appointment," clearing his throat he looks at me, "I've got something to tell you."

I raise my eyebrows for him to continue. After what I found in his secret safe yesterday I can only imagine what this man has to say to me.

"I am flying out this late afternoon, we are having serious issues with the campaign and I have to be in Providence for at least one week. I hate leaving you, but I much rather settle this now so that after the wedding we should be able to enjoy a honeymoon." He leans over to kiss me on the lips.

I meet his kiss and then smile, "Well, thank you for telling me. I am not happy but I do understand how important your job is. A week shouldn't be too bad. I have actually not been feeling that well, I am hoping this doctor will be able to rule out the flu or something like that."

As James begins talking about how wonderful Dr. Young is, and then his trip details; it takes all of my effort to sit and smile at him with a calm face as my mind wanders to my own issues.

I may have a baby? Correction, Tobias and I may have a baby?! I may be a mother?

On one hand I am furious at James, what he did to me regarding Tobias's letter was not OK. It's unacceptable to manipulate me in that way. On the other hand, I know that he is extremely jealous of Tobias and although despicable; I can see what his reasoning was to hide that letter. He's controlling and terrified of losing me.

I'm also extremely disappointed about the proof I saw about Mrs. Jones and the leak of information. But let's be serious - no matter what your political affiliation...it's politics. And sometimes people fight dirty.

They are politicians after all.

The bottom line, I know I need to deal with James, and I will when the time is right.

I am trying to compartmentalize my issues with him as I'm much more concerned with the possibility my baby is out there.

The bottom line, I am recognizing my limitations. I can't handle everything at once. Period.

I'm going to put a smile on my face when I see Dr. Young this afternoon. For once and for all, I am going to test just how screwed up James may be.

"Tris?" he says, a small frown on his face, "did you hear me? I know it is putting a lot on your shoulders but we need move forward with the wedding planning since it is right around the corner. I have already given the wedding planners a list of my preferences, so if you are opposed to something we can talk about it."

Who is he kidding? Like I will get to have a say in anything regarding his wedding.

If there even is a wedding that is. It's not looking good.

I take another sip of my orange juice and smile. "I'm so bad at planning, I am sure I will love whatever you have picked."

He beams at me, "Oh, one more thing, please don't get a haircut before the wedding. Most hairstyles for brides look better with longer hair to work with."

Smile and nod. Memories of the last time I got a cut without his blessing crosses my mind. As though I would dare repeat that mistake again. Is he trying to be funny? I fantasize about throwing my juice on his three hundred dollar dress shirt.

Just smile.

As lunch ends James and I walk towards his campaign offices, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. I lean into him, and kiss his cheek. I feel like my life is spinning out of control, and I don't know which way is up. I know I need to address our screwed up relationship, and his deceit regarding Tobias. But not right now.

I just don't trust myself. I have no one I can talk to as a mental sanity check. Maybe I'm the problem here?

Michelle moved away, and although Jessica lives here...there is only so many times I can cancel on someone before they begin to not count on you. Jessica is someone I would go to, even though we have drifted apart, but I know she is on vacation this week.

I've never felt so alone.

++o++

"Hello, Ms. Prior. Dr. Young will be with you in a moment. I see that Mr. Wilton had all of your medical intake forms filled out ahead of time. Wow, he is really thorough isn't he!" the receptionist chirps.

"Of course he did. So thorough." I force a smile at the end.

After a short wait I am brought into a beautiful examination room, it is larger than my apartment and well decorated. What a difference from the Women's Health Services Clinic I visited yesterday.

"Hello, I am Dr. Young. May I call you Tris?" the doctor asks as he enters the room.

I breathe in and out to calm myself, this is it. I need answers.

I am here on a mission.

"Um, yes of course. I wanted to tell you upfront I am very nervous about this appointment...I come from a very conservative background. Would I be able to request a female nurse to be with us?" I say, making sure to project nervousness.

"Ah, yes. Mr. Wilton advised me ahead of time that you would have preferred a female doctor. I had already thought of having a female nurse join us, we want you to be as comfortable as possible. So in looking at your medical background, I see that you were one of the women that were rescued from the secret lab. That must have been horrific for you. We want to make sure you feel safe here." He says while motioning for his nurse to step closer into the room and shut the door.

"I would like to get started with an exam, and then I will be able to administer your three month birth control shot." He says while motioning for me to sit at the edge of the table.

"Actually, I would like the one year shot please." I say firmly to my doctor as he is putting his latex gloves on. Obviously I got the shot I wanted yesterday, this is just a test for the doctor.

"I have very strict instructions, that you were getting the three month version—"

I cut him off, "I am the patient and I am asking for the one year shot...why would you listen to someone other than me when it comes to my body?"

The doctor frowns, and makes eye contact with his nurse. I watch both intently. There is only one topic I need to go over with the good doctor that James picked out for me.

"Let's do the exam first and then I would like to go over the birth control options with you, and if needed we can dial Mr. Wilton in via phone. I did have very specific instructions from him." He says, I can tell from his tone that this man has no intention of listening to me over James.

I make it a point to look at my watch, "James is on a flight to Providence at this moment and then he has back to back meetings today and tomorrow. I don't think he will be able to hop on the phone."

Dr. Young purses his lips and asks if I am ready to continue with his exam.

This is insane, but I need to move forward with my test of the doctor. Obviously I will not be letting this doctor give me any kind of shot today. What matters is seeing just how far James is trying to control the situation.

I breathe in and out before asking the doctor what I need to know.

"Dr. Young, as I was in a coma for over a year...could you please check closely to see if there is any physical signs of trauma or sexual abuse? Anything that may seem out of the ordinary?"

"I certainly will. Let's get started." He says as the exam begins.

With the nurse in the room Dr. Young does all of the tests I went through yesterday. I wait patiently while he double checks all of the notes the nurse had recorded throughout the exam.

"Wonderful news Tris, there is absolutely no sign of any trauma or sexual abuse findings that has shown up in your physical exam. Everything looks perfect." He says confidently.

I clear my throat as I struggle to remain calm, "Glad to hear that. By my exam, can you tell if I would ever be facing any reproductive concerns? Did you see anything that appears out of the ordinary?"

The good doctor smiles at me and dismisses my concerns.

"You are in perfect health, Tris. No concerns at all."

I smile and thank him, as my head is spinning.

"May we proceed with the three month shot? I have it set up." he pushes.

I smile as I get dressed, "This is actually something my fiancé and I need to work out privately and face to face. Once we settle this, I trust I will be able to make an appointment so that you can administer the shot then?"

Dr. Young looks stunned, he opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"Unless I personally see the label on the shot, and it says one full year. I won't be getting anything done today." I say calmly.

We agree that he will wait to hear from me.

As I quickly walk through the bureau I fight off the strong desire I have to vomit. I can no longer ignore the signs.

James is in complete control of my life, it's not normal.

I tend to believe the random doctor at the clinic who had no idea who I was, over someone that James has complete control over. When she dropped that bomb on me last evening I managed to stay calm and ask her how she could tell from the tests that I had carried a baby. She showed me my ultrasound printouts and explained different points.

A woman's hips widen during pregnancy in anticipation of needing to push a baby through the birth canal. The hormone Relaxin is released by the body to help relax the pelvic joints and ligaments. She points out that my pelvis shows the greatest signs, and per my size it indicates that I carried to full term. This happens to all women during the pregnancy and it does not matter that a C-section was performed.

Secondly she identified my C-section scar. Current technology exists for rapid healing and little to no scars to the naked eye. But it was during the ultrasound that she found the scar tissue, which was completely normal. She explained any time there's cutting, there will be healing by scar tissue. She encouraged me to press on the line she identified, I felt it was a little more firm than rest of my body. That was the scar tissue.

I thanked her, and left the office without answering her question about the baby. I have not had a moments of peace since.

Dr. Young failed all my tests. It was very obvious that he was more concerned with what James wanted over what I needed, and as I watched him examining me and going over the same points the other doctor had mentioned – he did not make eye contact with me as he assured me all looked completely normal.

I know that man was lying to me. Even the nurse in the room made it a point to look away at those exact times.

What does this mean? What really happened to me that year that I was kept in a coma? What happened to the other survivors?

The most important question being: why would the doctor James choose lie to me about what happened during my coma?

I need answers. I need help.

I'm completely isolated, I don't know what to do.

I close my eyes for a moment and remember my only intimate night with Tobias. With everything that was happening, the stress of the bureau, David, the mission, even our constant bickering; making love was amazing while also unexpected.

We did not use any birth control.

++o++

As I hurry home and begin packing a travel backpack I start taking inventory of my life. The only person from before the coma is Caleb. Things between us are good, but also awkward as we are still repairing our relationship. Many times because of James, I've needed to end a call early or cancel on my brother. My brother has tried to be patient, but there have been times he has been hurt and frustrated.

I have completely stepped back from my therapy with Kelly White and the rest of the rehabilitation team, again because of James. The excuse being that he needed me to keep all things private because of the election.

I think about the women James has been encouraging me to bond with, all of them associated with his campaign staff. Nice women, but I never felt a connection with them. There is also a part of me that knows that their loyalty is with James, never me.

As I rack my brain on what my next steps should be, there is only one person that I know I can trust. No matter how bad things are between us, I know if I really were to need his help he would pull through.

I'll be able to count on Tobias. As I pull out the hidden cash I had in my apartment I know that I must go to him. If there is a baby, it is his baby too. He has every right to know.

I call James's assistant and tell her I have food poisoning, I ate some old mayo from my refrigerator. I ask her to postpone my appointments for the next two days; as things are disgusting in the 'bathroom'. I don't want to be disturbed. I leave James the same message on his voicemail.

As I lock up my apartment and head to the main transport bay, I realize how nervous I am to return to Chicago.

It's time. My mission starts now.

++o++

I board a late night transport to Chicago, I will be arriving in the middle of the night/early morning. As I rest my head on my window next to my seat and get ready to sleep I think about what I am going to say to Tobias. I am hopeful that he has not moved since before he left Chicago months ago.

I could never forget his apartment number since it was basically Four and Dauntless. It was before I saw him at the bureau that the rehabilitation team told me that he had an apartment in Chicago just north of the river, one of the lower floors, unit number 4D. It should be enough information for me to find his apartment. I want to avoid finding him through Johanna, but at least that is another option.

That will be my first stop when I get to Chicago. I fall asleep as I think about how I will possibly begin to explain this all to him.

The last time we spoke, it was not pretty. I know that he and I...well it's over. We are over. Hopefully we can work together to figure things out. If not, I will do this on my own.

I have to.

++++o++++o++++

+o++ Chicago ++o+

It is the third apartment building I try that finally matches the apartment naming configuration that would have a 4D. I sigh with relief, it is now four-thirty am in the morning. Although I slept for the entire trip, I am still really tired. I sigh when I realize this building also has a lobby attendant, I try to think of an explanation for needing to get into the building. As I am standing on the sidewalk I see a truck that looks like it came from Amity is stopping in front of each building and running a milk delivery route. The driver usually needing to make more than one trip as his hands are full.

As the delivery man is about to enter Tobias's building I greet him and ask if he would like me to hold the door open. He thanks me and I make sure to engage in conversation with him as we walk past the lobby attendant. It is so early in the morning that no one seems to pay attention to us. Once in the elevator I click on the button 4, assuming that is where the apartment 4D will be.

As I step off the elevator I stop in the hallway to lean against the wall and breathe, desperately trying to calm myself. It has just been a couple of weeks since I last saw Tobias, but the sting of our last exchange still hurts.

"I want to congratulate you. You win, I am fucking done with you now. You are just not worth all the bullshit I have been going through these months. I left my entire life behind in Chicago, my friends, my real job, all so I could live here and chase you like some kind of asshole. I am going home."

I cringe as I realize I am about to knock on the door of a man that wants nothing to do with me. I honestly thought I would never see him again. I slowly count to five to allow myself a moment of weakness. One, Two, Three, Four. Five.

I need to be brave now.

Knock. Knock.

I remember that it is now almost five am in the morning, he is probably asleep. I wait a moment before I knock a second time.

Knock. Knock.

I wait again. I only hear silence. As I move to knock again the door flings open quickly.

"Shhhhh! Don't knock again, you will wake her up." Tobias whispers harshly, his eyes look tired with sleep.

Her.

I should have expected this, I even told him he should hurry back to Chicago so he could enjoy his life with Christina.

I push my hurt aside, that doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is finding out if I really had a baby. Our baby.

Tobias steps into the hallway silently closing the door behind him. I see that his eyes are adjusting to the light in the hallway.

"Tris? What the hell are you doing here?" he says gruffly. A frown creasing his face.

I breathe to steady myself, readjusting the straps of my backpack nervously. Here goes.

"Tobias. I...I need your help. I know this is asking a lot, but I honestly didn't have anyone else to help me-"

Tobias frowns, "I see you are still wearing that fucking obnoxious ring, why can't your fiancé help you?"

That stung. I frown and take a moment before I answer him. He crosses his arms across his chest and raises his eyebrows expectantly.

"I have something I need to do, and I...I can't trust anyone. Not James, no one. I just..." I stammer miserably.

Tobias suddenly looks so frustrated, he runs his hands through his hair roughly while shaking his head.

"Tris, this is not fair. You can't just show up to my home at 5am in the damn morning asking for help! While you are still engaged to another man, and after you cruelly pushed me away time and time again...for months!" Tobias snaps at me while now motioning with his hands, even pointing his finger at me. He closes his eyes momentarily, as though in an effort to calm himself.

I can only imagine all of the choice words he may have for me. Our last conversation was a final goodbye and not pleasant.

I bite my cheek nervously, maybe this was a mistake. Yes he is the only one I really trust, but that is not his problem. That is my problem.

But if there really is a baby, it could only be his. I don't know yet, maybe it selfish of me to turn his life upside down before I know for sure. As he has a sleeping woman in his apartment, I can only imagine it's Christina. I doubt he would have already started a brand new relationship in such a short amount of time. But what the hell do I know.

It really isn't any of my business. Not anymore.

Of course if we do have a baby, he will be the first person I would tell. But I don't know that for sure.

I shouldn't be here.

I can handle this on my own. I need to.

I shouldn't have come here.

"You are absolutely right. I made a mistake in coming here. I'm sorry." I say as I begin to step away from him. I need to get the hell out of here.

I don't wait for his response as I turn to walk away. Suddenly he grabs my wrist.

"Tris," he sighs, his voice sounds so tired, "stop. I'll hear you out. The least I can do is listen to what is going on and then decide. I'm sorry...for saying those things."

He stares into my eyes, I nod my head in thanks as he releases my wrist.

Tobias looks back at his apartment door and frowns. "There is a 24-Hour-Diner three blocks west from here, meet me there in thirty minutes."

"Thank you." I whisper.

"If you get there before I do, make sure you get a table in the back that's away from the windows."

I nod and smile at him, and for the first time he smiles back.

+++o+++

*Tobias POV*

As I quietly close and lock my apartment door behind me I hope I don't wake her. I left a note explaining that I would be away for a couple of days and I also sent an email to Johanna. I don't know what the hell is going on with Tris, but it must be serious for her to show up in Chicago in the middle of the night with a backpack, asking for my help.

I sprint to the diner, part of me afraid she won't be there.

Another part of me afraid she will be.

I have not forgotten about the damn pictures that James Wilton has. I need to help Tris, but I also may lose her forever if she sees actual photos of Christina and I having sex.

It's one thing to know something happened. It's another thing to actually see it.

Although I've already lost her. Doesn't mean I want her to suffer over seeing those pictures. I can't do that to her.

I remember the photos I saw before destroying them. They were so graphic and detailed. I feel sick just thinking about it.

I am breaking my end of the deal, James warned me what will happen if I ever got near her again... Shit. I hope she got us that table away from the large window, anyone would see us. I'm sure that asshole has his spies.

I've finally found peace over Tris and I not having a future. We are done, we aren't good for each other. It's too much pressure, I think Christina was right. Tris will never really get over me having sex with her best friend. She's already admitted that it's not because I was wrong or cheated. It's because it makes her sick. What am I supposed to do with that?

And now she's here, asking for my help.

As I enter the diner and nod to the manager on shift he smiles and points to the very back. I ask him for a coffee, with cream and sugar. He tells me that the young women already ordered exactly that for me already.

I slide into the booth across from her, "Hey."

She smiles at me nervously, "Thanks for coming. I know this is asking a lot."

I nod at her, waiting for her to explain.

Tris takes a deep breathe before speaking, she seems really upset and anxious. She wrings her hands nervously, "There are so many things that have happened, and I don't know where to begin. Actually, I know exactly where I need to start. I needed to see a doctor to get on birth control-"

"Really Tris? You think I want to hear about this shit?" I snap. Is she fucking kidding me right now?

"Tobias, please. This is important, of course I didn't travel here to just torment you."

I frown and motion for her to keep going.

She continues, "James was, well he is...extremely controlling. The truth is, he always has been."

I study her face while frowning, if he's hurt her I will find and kill him. I won't hesitate.

"Controlling about so many things, well...that doesn't matter. The point is we had a huge disagreement about the doctor and birth control. He was adamant that I see the doctor he picked, even though it was a man and I really felt more comfortable seeing a female physician. He insisted I get three month shot, I really wanted the one year shot. He manipulated me into seeing the doctor he wanted, which wasn't hard. I always gave in, I see that now." She pauses and though she is deciding how to continue the story.

After she takes a small sip of her water, she looks into my eyes...I see an emotion I can't place. Something important is on her mind.

"Tris. No matter what has happened between us, and even though we are done...I will always be here for you. You can tell me anything, if someone hurt you...I just...I hope you know that I will help you, we've been through so much together," I pause as tears stream down her face.

I reach out and hand her a napkin. She smiles and wipes her face. I am terrified what she will tell me, I remember that night that I saw him grabbing her roughly. I tried to warn her that James reminded me of Marcus with my mother. She dismissed me, but I know I should have insisted she hear me. If he has hit her... I can't even finish that thought.

"Tobias, please I have to get this out." she smiles at me sadly.

"Um, something happened with James the day before my appointment that made me doubt him as a person. It was a split minute decision, I took cash and decided that I would go see a female doctor on my own, so I went to the walk in clinic and used a fake name. I just wanted to get the exam, and then get the specific birth control I wanted."

I study her face; I am not sure where this is going. I remind myself she would not be here to discuss birth control for her and another man. I force myself to stay calm and wait.

"Tobias, please listen to me before you say anything. I know this is going to be hard for you to hear. I gave them a fake name, I paid cash, I had a female doctor and she needed to do a full exam before she gave me the shot I wanted. I did get the shot and right as I was going to leave..." Tris pauses.

I can't take it anymore. My heart is pounding. Could she be ill?

"Tell me now, Tris. Are you OK?" I hear the fear in my voice. Is she sick?!

She bites her lower lip, I can see that she had tears in her eyes again. Tris moves both of her hands to the middle of the table, reaching out for me. I grab them, I hate how they tremble.

"This is harder than I thought it would be, but I need to tell you. As I was about to leave, the doctor asked me how old my baby was. She was convinced from my physical exam...that I have carried a baby to full term." Tris watches me intently.

"She is sure I have had a baby, that was delivered via C-section."

My mouth hangs open, my mind instantly racing. My God...a baby. Our baby?

"The only thing that would make sense is that our one night together... Well, I mean we weren't exactly careful." We both blush as we make eye contact. So inappropriate but images of our love making flash through my mind. We made love three times that night, and I never pulled out. I remember thinking that I would, but I just...couldn't. Or wouldn't.

I have replayed that night in my mind so many times.

"Tobias, I don't know...but what if I had our baby during my year in the coma!? What does this even mean, why would anyone steal a baby?" her voice sounds frantic.

She suddenly bursts into tears and buries her face in her hands as her shoulders shake. I'm stunned, I may be a father. Where is our baby? Is it a boy or a girl? Is the baby safe, loved?

It takes me a moment to snap out of my thoughts as I rush to comfort her, I slide into her side of the booth and put my arm around her.

After a few minutes she begins to calm down. She blows her nose into her napkin, quite loudly.

We both laugh.

"Tris, what happened with James...you said something happened that made you doubt him?"

She bites her lip, and reached over to open her backpack. With trembling hands she puts folded papers in my hand. I feel my heart skip when I recognize the letter I sent her. I poured my heart and soul into this letter.

I wait a few moments before speaking. "I asked you if you got my letter. You told me that it was too little, too late...and that you ripped it before trashing it."

I hate that I can hear the pain in my voice, but I was so hurt.

"I'm sorry, I never should have said that to you. There was no excuse, no reason. I was angry...but still. I was angry in general, but also because this letter was not what the messenger service delivered."

"What do you mean?" I push.

"I found your real letter, it was hidden in James's private safe. He had it all along. He must have had an alternate version written. The letter that I received was was terrible, it pushed all my buttons. It made me so mad!" she scowls.

"James is a son of a bitch, Tris! I hope you at least see it now. Why are you still wearing that ring?" I ask, almost accusingly.

She huffs, "Tobias, I'm still technically engaged. Yes, James was a jealous, control freak...especially when it has anything to do with you. But I still have not hashed things out with him. I am more concerned about our possible baby."

"So where is James then? If you are planning to share a life with this man, why the fuck isn't he here? I don't mean in my place either, this would be our baby...but if he was really your partner. Then you would trust him enough to be here with us?" I hate the annoyance I hear in my own voice, I sound pathetic.

"I don't trust him. OK? I just don't trust him, you are the only person I trust. I don't know what else to say." She pauses to compose herself.

I immediately regret saying those things. She is right, her engagement and her love life...are immaterial at this point. We have something or I should say someone much more important to worry about.

"Tris, listen to me, everything is going to be ok. We are going to get to the bottom of this. We're in this together." I reassure her.

She nods, "Together."

++o++ Chapter End ++o++


	16. Chapter 16: A Third Opinion

Chapter 16: A Third Opinion

^^ Later that morning ^^

*Tobias POV*

The first thing I did after hearing Tris out and agreeing to join her on this mission was toss our cell phones into our water glasses at the diner table. As we want to operate in secret we have decided that we need to keep a low profile as to not alert anyone to our suspicions or our investigation. Part of me worries that Tris carried her cell phone with her as she traveled to Chicago, but she assured me she had not turned it on even once since leaving the bureau. Straight from the diner I was able to secure us burner phones that I purchased with cash. She and I will need to remain in constant contact as there will be times we need to split up.

After our brainstorming session and a good breakfast Tris and I started the day. The most important decision we came to was the understanding that in order to find the truth about the baby we had to first solve the mystery of who was behind the abduction and then testing of all of the Genetically Pure women. Through my position on Johanna's team I had already been granted access to the confidential files that the top politicians were given to keep them informed. I had grabbed my secured laptop before meeting Tris at the diner early this morning.

I know that the romantic phase of our lives are past us, now more than ever. I think back to our conversation about the baby.

++o++

Tris takes a bite of her mango and I see the smile that crosses her face, she is beautiful. It is one of the newer fruits that was introduced to Chicago after communication with the outside world started. Tris was not here to see that.

For the first time in months she seems happy. More at ease.

"What are you thinking about?" she raises her eyebrows at me, "You look happy."

I chuckle as she just made the same observation about me.

"For months things between us have been so strained, sitting here with you now...I just like to see you happy," I say as I genuinely smile at her. For the first time the constant desperation I felt to win her back is gone. I've accepted where we are now. She smiles at me too.

Tris clears her throat before speaking, "You did the right thing, letting me go. If we do have a baby, we will need to figure out how to co-parent and I hope we can do it without hurt feelings between us. That last time we spoke at the bureau...I just knew that you were finally done with me. We're both different people now, we just didn't work." Her face is calm, I am unable to read her emotions, if they are in fact there.

I look at her as I try to keep my face neutral. She has no idea how much I still love her. I will love her for the rest of my life, but she is right. We have turned into people who aren't good...together. I regret that things ended the way that they did. I was angry and hurt, seeing her engagement ring was a hard pill to swallow. I said hateful things, I said things that just weren't true.

It has been weeks since our fight and saying goodbye. She is still planning her wedding and wearing his ring. I must have misunderstood her silence at the gym during our fight. I thought it meant that she still loved me, that she cared, but was hurting or scared to let herself trust me. I guess she really was just relieved I was going to leave her alone and go back to Chicago. I swallow the knot that has formed in my throat.

I hate that I am not over her. And I still want her, and only her. James and his damn pictures... I was moments away from running back to her and taking it all back. I was going to tell her that I wasn't giving up and I never would.

That was until James showed me that he is holding the power, he is holding all the cards. I frown as I take a sip of my coffee. I know that if Tris were to see those graphic pictures...even if we have agreed to co-parent peacefully, it will hurt her a lot. When she's hurting she shuts down and puts up walls to protect herself, and I don't want that. I would rather hurt myself before I ever caused her pain, which I know seeing those pictures would do to her.

That is what love means to me.

"Tobias, what's wrong?" She looks at me, concern etched on her face. "Are you ok?"

I think about telling her the truth and then quickly squash the idea. No way, she would never understand. I don't even really understand. How did I become this guy that hooks up with a girl that I kissed for the first time minutes before and then rush into having sex? Sex on the floor of a training room?

I know the answer - - I let Christina call all the shots. I did what she wanted. I just didn't care either way. Part of me wanted to get it over with. It was sex. It wasn't making love. I am not even saying that is wrong, I know a lot of people that just have sex. And with Christina, I became one of those people, too. I wanted to have sex with someone, anyone really...that was not Tris, the dead girl I had been obsessing about from the moment she left me.

"Tobias?" she tries again.

"It's nothing, just thinking through our plan and all the things we need to do," I lie to her. I can't tell her the truth, I love her too much to hurt her. I need to think about her, and if we have a child...I will always make them my priority. Both of them.

She smiles, accepting my answer.

++o++

I have been going over again and again what James did in regards to my letter to Tris. I didn't discuss that letter with anyone aside from my therapist. I also never used a computer to work on it, part of it being therapeutic was using my hands and a pen to write all of the drafts and then the final letter. I certainly never took any of my drafts out of my apartment.

Then I remember, I used the messenger service through Johanna's campaign office. The messenger company is the best in the business and we have strict confidentiality agreements in place. Although I paid for the service for my personal letter, I did process the transport order through the Reyes Campaign Account.

Has that son of a bitch been going through all of Johanna's professional correspondences? Would he be that unethical!? If he has control over the messenger company, his team would be able to read and then quickly pass along communications without anyone realizing it, never to be noticed.

Except my letter; he didn't want Tris to ever see it. So he went through the trouble to make another letter, one that would push her even further away from me. I shake my head, he is such a bastard.

I reach out to Johanna and tell her my suspicions. I ask her to set up a test, create false information and use the messenger service. Let's see what James' team will do. Johanna asks me what I am up to. I ask her to have patience with me. We agree that she will tell my peers that I'm missing work because I caught the flu. I thank her as I end our call.

"Hey, Tobias! What can I help you with?" my guy at the city's identification office greets me as I walk in.

I smile at him, "Remember how you owe me a huge favor? I am here to collect."

++o++

I look at my watch as I run back to the library where I left Tris

I look at my watch as I run back to the library where I left Tris. She is looking into some research at the Chicago Public Library. The library restoration was one of the projects that Johanna tackled when she started in office. The bureau was very open to sharing their research and old news articles. I was able to work closely with the technical teams that linked systems. Thankfully the testing username and password that the entire team uses on a daily basis is still working. Tris will be able to do her research undetected. I am counting on her erudite aptitude to find old articles that will help us get started.

I quickly walk to the set of computers where I last saw Tris. I stop in my tracks when I see her, she is deep in thought working away at the computer while also taking notes. I allow myself a moment to watch her work.

After a couple of moments it is as though she can sense me in the room, she looks up from the screen and smiles at me

After a couple of moments it is as though she can sense me in the room, she looks up from the screen and smiles at me. I nod and walk towards her.

"How's it going? Did you find the articles regarding the kidnappings that we talked about?" I ask as I pull a seat closer so that I can see her screen as well.

She leans back in her seat so that I can see what she has up, "Yes, I have been saving the pertinent articles on your jump drive. It's all here, just like you thought it would be."

I can sense her watching me, I turn and meet her gaze. "Did your errands go well?" she asks.

"Yes, our fake IDs are being created right now. They will also be forging some previous fake travel stamps. They will be ready later today. With those we will be able to travel freely as needed." I pause. "We should head out soon, the clinic will be closing shortly for lunch. We need to do your exam while there is no one else at the offices."

Tris tenses up, I know she is nervous. So am I. We discussed this morning, she has gotten two medical opinions that contradict each other. We need a third and I have just the person to trust. I explained to Tris that one of the areas of Johanna's major initiatives was providing affordable healthcare to people in need, specifically the Factionless as they had been going without for years.

There is a clinic that I have a very good working relationship with the director and a couple of the doctors. While Tris was at the library I ran over to explain the situation, they are getting us in during lunch hours when they are normally closed. They have agreed to keep our tests confidential and not process them through the system.

That time is now.

As we walk silently side by side down the street I am lost in my thoughts.

"Tobias, I'm scared. I feel like this time...we find out for sure," Tris says quietly. I can barely hear her over the usual hustle and bustle of the street. "A baby...I don't know how to feel."

I look around and find a bench we can sit on, I gently pull her to sit down with me. She looks worried. I want to be strong for her, but the truth is I am nervous too. Terrified actually.

"Tris, all I can say...no matter what, we will handle it. We have to be brave. I believe in you, you are strong and loyal. Ok? Don't doubt yourself. I don't doubt you, you shouldn't either."

A sad look passes across her face, and she averts her eyes away from me. "Tris?" I ask. She smiles, and shakes away the look that was just on her face. I can tell her smile is forced.

I want to understand what she is feeling. I am suddenly reminded of our relationship when we were fighting for our lives from Jeanine. Tris carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she wouldn't let anyone in. Not even me.

I smile at her and place my arm around her shoulder. She stiffens but I don't care. I am not trying to be romantic, or make a move. I just want to show her I care for her, and I am here. Once she realizes that I was only offering support she relaxes into me.

I am here.

++o++

I can't believe Tris asked me to stay with her during all of her exams. She told me to obviously avert my eyes during specific parts. She said that since it is our baby, she wants me to be present and help ask any questions she may miss.

We explain the situation to Dr. Nancy and she promises to be frank with us and not sugarcoat things. I step out of the room while Tris changes into her gown and then they give her a sheet to place over her lap.

They draw blood and offer to test the hormone levels that will be able to tell if the birth control she received from the walk in clinic is functioning. Dr. Nancy asks both Tris and I if she can run a recent test to rule out sexually transmitted diseases. Both Tris and I blush and although she was just cleared, she wants to have that test run again.

I clear my throat and tell the doctor that I have not been sexually active in months. I was tested shortly after my last relationship ended and I was cleared. I see a moment of confusion pass over Tris's face but then she stares at the ground.

I decide that I would like another test, just to be positive all is in order. There is also a part of me that wants Tris to know that I am clean. I take off my jacket so that I can have my blood drawn as well.

It is a quick test, the doctor informs us both that there are no STDs found. She also informs Tris that the blood test confirmed her birth control shot is working.

As Tris is asked to lay down at the edge of the table and place her legs in the stirrups I suddenly feel very out of place. We make eye contact as she blushes furiously. I remind myself why we are here, we are going to find out if she has had a baby.

"Tris, what can I do to make you more comfortable?" I gently place my hand on hers.

She releases the air she had been holding, and then her fingers intertwine with mine. I give her hand gentle squeeze.

"Thank you for being here. It means a lot to me," she whispers. Her eyes are so insistent, so clear as she looks into my soul.

For a moment my worst nightmare flashes in my mind, the dream of Tris dying. The horror I always experience when the spark in her amazing eyes dull.

I bite my lower lip and nod at her. I would do anything for her, I wish she could see that. I wish she could really see me.

Dr. Nancy starts with her internal exam, and then she moves on to the outward exam, I turn my face as far as possible so I don't accidently see anything. During that time Tris and I make eye contact and I smile at her, she squeezes my hand. She cheeks are flushed, I push strands of hair off her face and tell her how brave I think she is.

Once the exam is done Tris is asked to sit up and is handed her clothes, I leave the room while she gets dressed again.

Dr. Nancy calls me back into her office just a few minutes later.

She asks that I sit down next to Tris, as she has a lot to discuss.

She quickly confirms that the evidence she reviewed supports that Tris carried a baby to term and that a C-section was performed. Tris reaches for my hand just as I was reaching for her hand as well.

Tris reaches for my hand just as I was reaching for her hand as well

Dr. Nancy explains medical flags that confirmed Tris had a full term baby via C-Section. The doctor also speculated that by look and feel of her scar - looks like the incision was made at least 6 months ago. Tris uses her other hand to cover her mouth and stifle a cry. A baby that is six months old would line up with our night together.

Tris and I sit in silence, neither of us saying anything as the doctor explains her findings and what the different points were that led her to this conclusion.

Dr. Nancy steps out in order to give us some privacy.

"We have a baby, Tobias," she whispers.

I look at her, and I love her. Not only is she Tris, she is now the mother of my baby. I smile at her and lean down to gently kiss her forehead. I press my lips to her skin for a long moment.

As I pull away I see that her eyes are brimming with tears. "We are going to be ok, Tris. We are in this together. I lo...I mean, I'm here for you." I just want to reassure her.

She nods her head at me as the tears spill down her cheeks. She gently touches my face, her thumbs on my lower lip. She smiles at me while studying my face. I raise my eyebrows and smile.

"Sorry, I was just looking at you and trying to imagine what our child might look like." She looks sheepish. I laugh and tell her that for the baby's sake, hopefully just like its mother.

We do the math...our baby from our night together would be approximately 6 months old.

Where is our baby now?

We need to hurry and move on. We have a lot of work to do.

++o++

++o++ ++o++

++o++

*Tris POV*

Tobias and I walk into the Identification Office and he guides me to the employee entrance that is off to the side of the lobby. He knocks and a man opens the door and ushers us in.

"Hi Tony, how is the project coming along?" Tobias asks quickly. "Oh, sorry. This is Tris, Tris this is Tony."

I smile and say hello.

Tony laughs, "You mean hello to Mrs. Jane Larson," he hands me two forms of identification, "the wife of Mr. Tom Larson."

He also hands Tobias the credit cards in the names of Tom and Jane. They are actually tied to an account Tony's contact at the bank was able to open with the fake IDs and the cash Tobias gave him this morning. Tobias assures me that there is more than enough there to support us for as long as we need to be on the mission.

As I look over my IDs, the photos we took this morning are in place. I glance at the documents Tobias is reviewing.

I didn't realize we would be traveling and posing as a married couple. I feel a knot of tension in my stomach. I am still technically engaged to James, and Tobias has Christina sleeping at home in his bed. I wonder if they are living together now.

"Tris?" Tobias snaps me back to attention. "Do you have any questions for Tony? Did you hear what he said?"

I frown and shake my head in a no.

"You have got to take the time to memorize every last piece of information on those IDs, and come up with a back story that you both know inside out. When and how did you meet? When did you get married? Why no kids? The bottom line, I owed Tobias a few favors...but I could get in serious trouble for making these. Got it?" Tony stresses to us.

We both nod and agree. I push the reservations I am feeling away.

++o++

As we are walking through the city Tobias seems very agitated. Before we said goodbye to Tony he asked to borrow one of the secure lines their offices have, Tobias needed to check in with Johanna Reyes about work.

As we enter the lobby of the hotel that is near the transport station Tobias reminds me that he has already set things up for our hotel and I should just act tired and uninterested.

"Hello, I have a reservation for Mr. and Mrs. Tom Larson, it is for one night."

"Of course, we have you down for late check in, your room has been held. Will you need two keys?" the check in woman asks, she is smiling broadly at Tobias. She has not looked in my direction even one time.

"Yes, thank you," Tobias answers smoothly.

"Well Mr. Larson, if you need anything please call the front desk. I will be working until midnight this evening," she says with a smile.

Is she serious?! I am standing right here, granted I'm just his fake wife, but this woman doesn't know that.

Tobias just nods and suddenly puts his arm around my waist and pulls me very close to him. "I told you Janie-pumpkin, the service at this hotel is impeccable. I love bringing you to the best hotels when we have a romantic getaway."

The woman behind the counter frowns and then looks away and she waves us off. Her little crush on Tobias seems to be crushed.

We walk to the elevator hand and hand. The moment the door closes we let go and step to opposite sides of the elevator. I am in such a bad mood, but that was funny...just a little.

Between the IDs having us pose as husband and wife, having to share a hotel room and then having some woman basically disrespect me as she made a pass at my fake husband, I am tired and irritated. It has been a crazy couple of days, too.

As Tobias closes the hotel room door behind us I stand in the walkway and look over the room. There is one bed and I again think about how wrong this all is.

"Ok, I can't ignore it anymore. What the hell are you scowling about, Tris?" Tobias asks as he moves around me to toss his bag on the bed. He is nodding his head side to side as he goes to kitchenette to fill a glass with water.

He is now frowning at me. I hate it when he gives me the 'you are such a disappointment' look.

I hate it when he gives me the 'you are such a disappointment' look

I huff, "Gee, I don't know. This doesn't bother you? Pretending to be married, sharing a room! I am engaged to James and you have Christina sleeping in your bed at home. It just feels...so wrong."

He looks at me like I am a moron. I hate it when he does that. Hate it.

"I have Christina at home sleeping in my bed," he repeats. He steps back, shaking his head. "You're an idiot, Tris."

Maybe I am an idiot, but I hate being this close to him...when I know he has someone better and real waiting for him at home. It makes me feel like less, even less than I already am.

I frown, he can be so rude. I often forget about his Four mask. It is staring me down right now.

I cross my arms and spit, "Maybe we should be mature, and sit here with James and Christina at our sides. Is that what you want? To go home and wake Chris up and explain this to her?" I hate the sadness I hear in my voice. I am just so tired.

He is the one to scowl now, "I feel like talking to you, is like talking to that wall over there." He motions towards the right of the room. I flinch, that was rude.

"You are being ridiculous! Gee, I am sorry I didn't run the specifics of the undercover plan by you. You know, as I have been frantically trying to find out where our baby may be! And let me be clear, I don't give two shits about that asshole you are engaged to, or respecting his boundaries," he snaps at me.

I gasp and take a step back. I frown and place my hands on my hips, as I am about to tell him a thing or two when he suddenly steps forward and grabs my by the shoulders.

Tobias holds me directly in front of me and looks into my eyes.

"I have told you this so many times. The moment I knew you were alive things between Christina and I ended. I have not even touched her one time."

"Gee, I guess that's right. I didn't see you actually touch her when she seductively danced for you at that party. But there you were, basically fucking her with your eyes and licking your lips like a dog... how silly of me to question your integrity," I hiss coldly. I had managed to push that image out of my mind for a while. It's back loud and clear.

Tobias flinches and drops his hands from my shoulders. I just sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose as I step away from him.

"You know what, you are right. That party and that dance was a stupid move and bad judgement on my part. But you don't get to make it into something that is wasn't...and then punish me for it. There was nothing sexual about it, I was definitely not turned on by Christina...in front of hundreds of drunk jerks howling sexual obscenities at me. The funniest thing is, the damn spotlight was directly in my face...I couldn't even see her! I was just faking the whole thing and going off the reactions of the crowd. I needed Johanna's team to win and I did what I needed to do!" He pauses to catch his breath. "And maybe that makes me an asshole, which I can live with! But you are in no position to look down on me for physical betrayal. Not anymore damn it!"

Tobias steps dangerously close to me, invading my personal space. I see the pain in his eyes. "I haven't touched Christina even one time, not one romantic moment with her since the second I knew that you were alive." My doubts regarding Tobias fill my mind as I recall my horrible fight with her that same night, his keys, that dance. She told me they were still "together". She had proof. I am still full of uncertainties.

"For the record, what you have done to me is much worse. You knew I was alive, all the while you were just going at it with James Wilton. You are now engaged to him for God's sake! Having arguments with him about birth control! How dare you keep trying to punish me!" he yells at me.

I see red, he and I were over!

And he doesn't understand how James saved me. James literally saved my life!

Because he doesn't know. Tobias doesn't know anything about the dirty secrets I am desperate to hide.

"No! I did nothing wrong, when I started dating James, you are I were completely over. What you did to me was painful because of who it was with, how do you not see that? It wasn't only that you moved on, it was with my best friend. A girl that was beside us throughout our entire relationship, even initiation for God's sakes! You really don't get it? You don't think it is a big deal?!" I am so mad I push him on the chest. He takes it while watching me intently. His eyes unreadable.

"Fine, I am glad you are so mature and evolved! But you are going to do this for me, close your eyes...I want you to imagine me lying in that bed, with Zeke on top of me, making love to me, pleasuring me so completely that I am crying out his name, and then..."

"Enough! God damn it. Just stop. I would fucking kill Zeke if he ever touched you," Tobias bellows as he steps away from me and flings his metal cup against the wall. It happens to be the same wall he motioned to earlier.

For a moment I wonder if he was still pretending I am the dumb wall. He tracks my eyes and seems to figure out what I am thinking.

"I was not pretending you were that wall anymore, I would never throw a cup at you," he deadpans.

I nod and smile, I'm numb at how terrible this fight has turned. Suddenly tears fill my eyes so I turn my face away from him. I hate that we are fighting this way. It is so ugly, and I know that I started it. I bite the inside of my cheek to make my tears go away, I turn to look around the room. To look at anything but him. This ugliness is my fault. Everything ends up being my fault in the end. At least that is how I feel.

Tobias sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.

I am about to apologize, I feel sick over how I just acted. He looks at me for a moment, and then he just puts his head back in his hands. His eyes look so sad, defeated even.

My heart feels torn at that moment, I love him and I don't want to see him suffer. Even if we are no longer together, I don't want to hurt him. We need to make peace.

I sit on the floor in front of him and place my hands gently on his shoulders. He looks shocked; I startled him. When he sees that I am smiling at him sadly, he nods at me. He slowly wraps his arms around me in return.

We both start to speak at the same time, he asks if he can go first. I nod.

"The letter I sent you, you have to know I meant every word. I hate that I hurt you, and yes...people can point fingers at you and say that you aren't being fair. And that I didn't really do anything wrong...but it isn't about the sex or moving on...it was your best friend. And I can admit it, I would hate if I died and of all the men in the world - you picked Zeke to move forward with. Well, ok. To be honest I would also hate if you picked Peter. That might also kill me," he says seriously.

We smile at each other and laugh, he pulls me into a tighter embrace and buries his face in my neck. I slip my arms around him and then he manages to pull me even closer.

"Tobias, I-" but he interrupts me.

"I need to get this out too. I need to apologize to you, I settled. And I am a grown man, so I will not place all the blame on Chris. She hounded and hounded me to move on, to let go of you, to live...and I can't be mad at her for that. She did think you were dead and I have to believe she was doing what she felt was best. But the truth is...I settled for her. I went the easy route. And you may not care or it may make you angry, but throughout it all I never stopped loving you."

I place my hands on his face and kiss his cheek. I love him, and I don't want to punish him anymore. He is a good person and I want what is best for him.

I ask, "My turn?" he smiles and nods for me to start, "I am so sorry. I'm sorry for all of the pain I've caused you. I'm sorry for disrespecting you and lashing out. I hope one day you can forgive me. I need you in my life, we even have a baby together!" Tears fill my eyes but I smile at the thought.

A thought enters my mind, and I have to tell him. Because I have to say it out loud, "I don't even know if we had a boy or a girl...but I already love our baby so much! Tobias, we have to get our child back!"

A serious look passes over his face and he nods in agreement. He kisses my forehead and whispers softly in my ear that he loves our baby too.

We hold each other for a few moments before calmly disentangling from each other.

I clear my throat, "If not Christina, who was the "her" that was in your apartment when I showed up in the middle of the night?"

Tobias laughs, "Um, my mom. Evelyn was staying in my apartment while I was chasing you around the bureau. And I didn't give her a lot of notice when I came home. She is still looking for her own apartment."

I bite my lip and then we both burst out laughing.

No wonder he didn't want her to know it was me. That woman can't stand me.

We agree to make peace even though our romance is over. I tell Tobias that his letter meant the world to me. It helped me to see what he went through. Sometimes it is hard for me to imagine and accept that other people lived a year...while I was "nowhere" or frozen. He nods with understanding.

That evening in the hotel is peaceful. Tobias was able to secure a second laptop so we can both work at the same time. I am pouring over the articles on the jump drive I copied from library, while Tobias is using his computer systems expertise to break into systems and look around. We have many leads that all point us back to the bureau. I remind him that James will only be away for a few more days, I don't want to have him find out that all of this is going on before we get the answers we need.

As I mention James a very dark look crosses Tobias's face. It doesn't seem like jealously. As soon as it came Tobias pushes it away and smiles at me. He then seems nervous. I can tell something is really bothering him.

We eat a quiet dinner and we talk for hours about Chicago, his job and how life in general has changed. We talk about Caleb and the others. I bite my tongue at the mention of my brother because I don't want to fight again. At least not tonight. We avoid the subject of Christina, he does tell me that he has not seen her even one time since he returned to the city.

For the first time in a really long time, I feel at peace. I know he is over me, and I don't blame him after the way I treated him. I will always love this man, but I can now envision us with a future as true friends.

++o++

++o++ ++o++

++o++

*Tobias POV*

As we get ready for bed I can't ignore the dread I am carrying. Earlier when Tris mentioned James being on his trip for just a while longer I felt sick. I know the moment he figures out that Tris and I have been working together...he will blow me out of the water with those pictures. I need to man-up and tell her the truth. I need to do it now.

She steps out of the bathroom with a towel around her hair and wearing a tank top and sweatpants for bed.

"Tris, I need to talk to you about something important." I rub the back of my neck, "It's something I am really ashamed of."

She furrows her brows and nods. She sits on her side of the bed and looks at me as she is wringing any moisture she can out of her hair.

"The night that we had our big fight...James ran into me in the lobby of your building," I say.

Tris gasps, she seems shocked. I am guessing he never told her about our run in. "Oh God, he never said...I mean...well what happened!?"

I clear my throat, I feel sick admitting this to her. But she needs to know. She may even have to see the pictures pretty soon here.

"Tris...James blackmailed me. He told me that if I ever got near you again, or even thought about you... Well that was why I wanted you to get the back table at the diner, I was afraid someone would recognize us together."

She nods her head and asks me to continue.

"James has pictures of me and Christina having sex," I say painfully.

I see the way her eyes immediately look so sad. "Oh," she whispers. She looks away from me for a moment as she restarts drying her hair with her towel.

I force myself to continue, "It was actually from the first time we ever had sex."

Tris looks stunned, "So James had cameras installed in your home, in your bedroom?! That is insane!"

I frown, my cheeks flushing. "No, Tris. No cameras in either of our homes. Christina and I had sex in a public place, it was the training room at Dauntless."

She makes a pained face, and then just as quickly Tris pushes her hurt feelings away.

She looks at her hands, after a long pause she softly says, "Thanks for the heads up. I appreciate you telling me. Goodnight, Tobias."

She won't even look at me.

She turns her back to me and slips under the bedding on her side of the bed. She is quickly getting into her usual sleep position, making sure not to look in my direction.

I am now sitting awkwardly on my side of the bed. "Well, I should probably sleep on the couch. That would be best."

She is still not looking at me, and is quiet for a moment before speaking, "It doesn't matter to me either way. Sleep anywhere you can be comfortable. Goodnight." I hear the hitch in her voice.

I can tell she is suffering, and I also know there is nothing I can say that will help.

So I say nothing.

++o++ ++o++++o++

+o+ Tobias Dreaming +o+

"Tris!" I scream, my throat is burning. I feel as though there is a fire in my chest threatening to come out. "Tris, you need to wait for me! We have to stay together!"

I am running and running but I don't see her. I can't hear her. There is nothing but silence.

"Tris, please! Come back, please wait!" I cry out again.

I arrive right as David has her pinned down to a table, one hand digging into the back of her neck as he holds her down, the other holding a gun that is shoved against her temple. I freeze and put my hands up.

"Please! Not her, please, not her!" I plead. Tris's head is on it's side, her beautiful face forced to look away from me.

"I love you, Tris!" I call out to her.

"Tobias, I love you too. I'm sorry. I never wanted to leave you," she whimpers.

David begins to laugh. He roughly grabs her by the back of the neck and instructs her to face me. He is holding her the way one would grab a dog, by the scruff of it's neck.

Her beautiful blue eyes find mine, "I love you." She whispers. And then he shoots.

Suddenly David has just disappeared.

I am shouting as I run to her, her body has crumbled to the floor, her limbs splayed out awkwardly. I pull her into my arms and hold her face.

Her wide blue eyes staring up at me from her emotionless face, their spark gone out.

I scream, and I scream and I will never stop screaming for her.

My Tris is gone.

+o+ Dream ends +o+

I am thrashing about and moaning. It takes me a moment to realize that I am not the only person who is yelling.

I feel someone near me and I panic, I shove them away from me as hard as I can.

Where am I?

It takes me a moment to remember I am sleeping on a couch in our hotel room. My shirt is drenched in sweat as I am still shaking.

Tris is now on the floor next to the couch, I immediately realize it was her that shoved away from me. Did I hurt her?

She is weeping, alternating between crying my name and repeating that it was just a dream, just a dream.

She tentatively reaches her hands towards me, as though she is afraid. I sob and move to the floor to join her. When she sees that I am now awake and coming close she closes the distance between us and throws her arms around me.

We both sob as we hold each other.

"Tobias, that was awful. I've never heard anyone make sounds like that. It was terrible to see you in so much pain. I couldn't get you to wake up! You were screaming my name." Tris says frantically. She is shaking like a leaf.

My heart is pounding out of my chest, but she is here. She is alive. She is right in front of me.

"It was...the nightmares...always the same. You die. You die and you leave me. Your eyes, Tris. Your eyes...that is the worst part."

"Tobias, please look at me. It's ok. I am here. It's ok." She kisses my forehead and pulls me close to her.

She stands up from the floor. I am calming down. When I look up I notice that she has extended her hand to me. I look at her confused but take her hand.

"Will you sleep next to me? I will feel better if I can be close, and make sure you are ok. Just sleep...ok?" she whispers. I nod as she leads me towards the bed.

She gets in first and lays on her back, in the middle of the bed. My heart races, with her in the middle there is no way I can lay down and not touch her.

She opens her arms to me, biting her lip as though she is afraid I will turn her down.

Tears fill my eyes as I get in the bed, I accept her embrace. She slowly guides my head to rest on her shoulder, over her raven tattoos.

I realize she has tears streaming down her face. She trembles as she holds me.

Being in her arms immediately calms me. She is safe, and she is with me. At least for tonight.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	17. Chapter 17: Whole Genetics Corporation

Chapter 17: Whole Genetics Corporation

+++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Disclaimers:

This chapter includes mature adult themes (adult consensual sexual situations).

At the start and end of the adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: /XO/

The scene will be noted so that delicate readers can skip over it.

+++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter 17: Whole Genetics Corporation

^^ The next morning ^^

Date: Two months, and one week+ since Tris was found

*Tobias POV*

My eyes are closed and I am sleeping deeply, something keeps trying to pull me awake. I can't remember the last time that I was so well rested.

"Tobias. Tobias, you need to wake up." I hear Tris speaking right in my ear.

Wait, why am asleep and so close that Tris can speak right into my ear?

I slowly open my eyes and realize that we are tangled together on the bed.

Oh.

She smiles at me and raises her eyebrows and then motions at us, as if to encourage me to get off of her.

It all comes rushing back to me, I had one of my terrible nightmares about her death. I feel embarrassed as I pull away from her and move to sit up at the edge of the bed. My back now facing her.

She is alive, and I've known it for months – but I am still plagued by these horrible nightmares.

It's pathetic.

I quickly breathe in and out to calm myself, to push my embarrassment away.

"Tobias? Are you ok?" she says softly, gently laying her hand on my shoulder. I quickly stand up, putting distance between us.

I don't need or want her pity.

"Yeah, of course," I answer gruffly, "Look, sorry about last night."

I've not looked in her direction since untangling myself from her.

"We can't control our dreams, you have nothing to apologize for, Tobias." She says calmly as she is now walking to stand in front of me.

"A dream? Try the nightmare that has been tormenting me since David shot you, since I thought you were dead. I can't escape it!" I snap.

Tris brows furrow as she opens and closes her mouth, as though she decided not to say something.

"Whatever it is, just say it." I mumble.

"Well, I'm alive...just trying to understand your dream..." she trails off softly.

I frown at her. I keep my mouth closed. For the first time it occurs to me why...it's because she is still not in my life. We aren't together, as much as I us want to be.

She clears her throat, "It was a dream. You don't need to apologize."

"I know, but after telling you about the pictures of Christina and me, I am guessing the last thing you wanted was to have to comfort me and hold me like a child all night long," I say matter-of-factly as I watch her expression fall as though she had just remembered. She looks sad. Again.

She looks away for a moment and bites her lower lip. Soon she sighs and looks back at me.

I regretted my words the moment I saw the pain on her face.

"It doesn't matter. I can't keep thinking about you and Christina anymore...or at least I am trying really hard to get past it," she says firmly and meeting my gaze head on. "I will have to deal with James at some point, the fact that he would even have those pictures...he is out of control. It isn't healthy or normal for someone to be doing all these things. It's sick that he would threaten to want to hurt me so badly."

She sighs and sits back down on the bed, wringing her hands for a moment before she appears to force herself to press them flat against her knees.

"You and I, are finally in a good place, and we will need to figure out this whole co-parenting thing. So we need to be more careful about...well, I mean..." she struggles to find the right words.

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, "We are done. We need to avoid being...physical. It would be a big mistake. Avoiding inappropriate physical affection, will include not sleeping and cuddling together. Am I close to what you are trying to say?"

She laughs, smiling finally. "That pretty much sums it up. You've never been one to mince words."

"I have a gift for not letting that 'kindness' trait get in the way of what I need to say." I deadpan. "So, we are ok then?"

She nods, "Yeah, we're ok."

++o++

We had the hotel room until the late morning. From the moment we woke up we researched numerous different angles of the investigation. Tris concentrated on analyzing the backstories of the eighteen women that were rescued. Trying to identify a pattern, I should say patterns in addition to the fact that all women, including the ones that died, were all Genetically Pure.

I was able to crack into the secured files of the Investigative Branch that is leading the search for answers and ultimately justice. There is still a tremendous sense of outrage that the group behind this horrible crime has not been identified and punished.

I am pouring over data and reviewing the original files that alerted the authorities to an issue. Something isn't sitting well with me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I am close.

"Tobias, until what time do we have to check out or extend our stay?" Tris calls over to me from the bed. I glance in her direction, she is laying on her stomach while working on the laptop I got for her. Just friends or not, seeing her sprawled on that bed makes my stomach do flips flops. I feel a twitch in my groin, damn it – I need to stop torturing myself like this. I bite my lip and force myself to look away from her.

I check the time on my own laptop, "I paid for late checkout, a little less than two hours from now."

She nods and we both get back to it, working in comfortable silence.

"I found something!" we both say in unison. She sits up in the bed and smiles at me as I laugh.

"You come over here," she commands as she lays back down to look at her laptop, but she also scoots to the side of the bed to make room for me.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are bossy?" I tease as I situate my laptop next to hers and lay down.

She laughs, "No, but this guy I was once dating told me I was not very nice."

I chuckle, a deep laugh from my core. I had not thought about the peace serum incident in forever.

"He sounds like a real jerk," I laugh, unable to stop myself from leaning into her to give her a little shove with my shoulder.

"He was, but we were both jerks...so it worked well." Her eyes twinkling as she gives me a genuine smile. She is so beautiful.

"Ladies first, what did you find?" I encourage her.

Tris pulls up a grid she has been compiling, analyzing the eighteen women, and then cross referencing the other women that were found in the morgue. We pour over the data and her biggest discovery was in looking at the romantic partners of each of the women. Either married or having serious boyfriend, their partners were all deemed to be Genetically Pure as well. Except for me, I am the only one that didn't fit the mold.

On the other hand, the women that were found in the morgue had partners that were not GP, and after Tris drilled down further to the autopsies I hacked into, every single one of those women died because of invasive testing that resulted in accidental death.

Further, all women and their partners had a relationship of some kind with one organization, Whole Genetics Corporation which is the largest genetic testing company that runs out of the bureau.

Every woman except Tris, nor as her partner am I deemed Genetically Pure. She furrows her brows as she tries to make sense of how and why she was pulled in.

Whole Genetics is based in the bureau and has all of its labs there as well.

When we go over the information I found, I remember to present with caution as Tris had to live through this experience personally. I show her the analysis of the building usage files that led to the initial investigation. From my years working in Dauntless Control Room I learned to understand how a building works in regards to usage of resources, such as electricity, heat, water. The data from the building usage file that led to the initial query was legitimate, but when I dug deeper in the opposite direction I discovered that the original red flags didn't go back further than three months before.

"I think the lab that they found you and the other woman was just a decoy. I only went back three months prior but that section of building went from being a full running lab and medical ward to a ghost town." I say softly. Tris just shakes her head. "That would explain why all the files were missing, they were never there in the first place!"

We look at each other, both laying shoulder to shoulder, "Everything points back to the Bureau, we need to go back and start investigating there. My gut is telling me that the answer is with Whole Genetics, once on site we will be able to dig further."

A look of concern washes over her face, I gently move a strand out of hair out her face. "What is it, Tris?" She bites her lips and lowers her eyes.

"It's just...so many things. Of course the most important being our baby, I hope he or she is ok. I know I need to face James soon, but going back to the bureau is making it more real for me. We also don't have that much time, he will be back from Providence in a few days," she whispers.

"We need to move quickly, I feel like we are getting close. It's all going to work out. You have me, don't be afraid of James. You aren't alone in this. Ok?" I try to reassure her. She nods, and for a moment I notice the way her eyes settle on my lips. I push my desire to kiss her away.

We need to pack and travel to the bureau, as Mr. and Mrs. Larson.

++o++

Our IDs worked well in getting us through Transport Security and boarded on a one way trip to the bureau. As I am sitting in my seat and the transport attendants announce travel time between Chicago and the Bureau, what the terminal will be like, baggage claim, other mundane facts, I am reminded of the last time I made this trip.

It was just a regular work trip, one of many. Christina had invited herself along to attend for the first half of the trip. I was sitting next to her last time, not having any idea that Tris was not only alive but would be waiting for me as we entered the terminal. I'm full of so many regrets regarding Christina, I wish we had never crossed that line. It wasn't worth it, at least not to me.

And now months later here Tris and I are, traveling as friends as we try to find out what really happened to her and where our child is- where our child has been all this time- and undercover as a married couple.

I sigh as I look past her and stare out the window. It is the late afternoon so the sun is up and I can see for miles. After a few moments I can feel her eyes on me, so strong, so intense. When I look at Tris in order to meet her gaze I see that she is peacefully resting her head against her seat and just watching me. As though it is the most natural thing in the world.

When she realizes I have caught her staring she blushes and looks out the window quickly. I close my eyes and lean my head against the seat. I am not going to get my hopes up. She has hurt me, and I have hurt her. As much as it pains me, as much as I love her, I know we are over.

We have to be.

++o++

When arriving to the bureau we first checked into our hotel as Mr. and Mrs. Larson, and then continued our investigation from the room. I was able to make security badges that would allow us access to the hidden lab where all of the women were discovered, including Tris.

She seemed a little nervous over the idea of returning there, even though she admitted she nor any of the eighteen victims have any recollection of being conscious while at the lab.

Tris is acting really freaked out. She is starting to make me nervous.

"Tris, are you OK?" I quietly ask as we are walking down the stairwell that leads to the far end of compound where the secret lab is located. She has been unusually quiet in the last ten to fifteen minutes or so of our walk.

She sighs softly and stops walking, pausing to turn to me. Concerned I step closer to her and place a hand on her shoulder. "Tris?"

"Tobias, I need to tell you about something. But now is not the time. Please, just trust me. Trust me enough to wait for me to tell you when I am ready. Ok?" she says cautiously.

I want to trust her, I want to respect her wishes. It is something I am working on.

"Ok, but...I know we have had our issues communicating in the past, I want to be here for you, no judgement ok?" I assure her.

Suddenly she launches herself into my arms and squeezes me tightly. Instincts guide me as I hug her tightly to me, and one hard stroking her hair that falls gently down her back.

"Not now, it's not the time...but soon. I need to tell you something, it is about the Indoor/Outdoor Water Reservoir we passed on the walk here...but not now. Ok, please?" her voice falters for a moment before she breaths in and out to calm herself.

My brows furrow, but I nod as I slowly release her. She smiles at me, and nods as well.

It is agreed.

When we arrive to the secret lab we get our flashlights out, we don't want to turn on all of the lights and draw extra attention to ourselves. Having read through all of the investigation notes, I walk through and confirm important points I had already reviewed. All seems in order.

She walks through, searching room by room.

"Tobias, do you know the room number that I was found in?" she asks.

"Yes, I'll go with you. Room B34, this way," I say as we walk side by side.

We both look around room and then I stand back as Tris goes into more thorough search. She examines the bed, she looks at the medical equipment that is still present. The rooms were left untouched.

"I could not have been here the whole time," she deadpans.

I raise my eyebrows and look at her to continue.

"Well, now that we know I was pregnant and had a baby, there would have been different equipment in this room. Equipment to monitor the baby for example. Dr. Nancy, she explained how there would be special machines to assist a comatose woman that was pregnant, remember her example about special nutrients being filtered through the blood supply. An ultrasound machine, or the Natal Stress Test equipment. There is nothing like that here..." Tris's voice trails off and she checks again.

She is right, it also supports our theory that this lab is fake, we need to keep looking.

It is then that I see the security cameras, the ones on the main hallways. I get a chair and dismantle one. I call over to Tris to take a look. The cameras appear to be hardwired to a panel and exchange of information that leads down the hall to the control room.

But when I dig in further, I notice there is a second wireless transmitter.

"What does it mean?" Tris asks and she squeezes in next to me to take a closer look.

My heart flutters at having her so close to me. "It means that these cameras were designed to imply that the feed was a closed loop that transmitted audio and visual to the security room down the hall. When in reality, they did do that and more. There is a hidden wireless transmitter that was sending the information elsewhere... And I am going to guess that elsewhere is where the real lab is. We are getting close, Tris!" I exclaim.

"Can you find out where the wireless transmission was sent?" she says excitedly. "Maybe that is where our baby is now!"

I smile at her, I pull her close to me. "I know Tris. I want to know what happened to our child too, and where he or she is now..."

"I know you do, Tobias." She smiles at me.

I pull my laptop out of my bag, I begin trying to trace the signal based on the previous codes. I am able to connect it to my laptop. Once I get a few different IP addresses I begin cross referencing.

"This is it Tris! These go right back to the company you found in your research!"

"Whole Genetics!" we say at the same time.

As we hurry back to the hotel we have a lot of planning to do before our next step.

Finding the real lab, which we expect to be hidden inside Whole Genetics Corporation.

++o++

I was able to get the specs for Whole Genetics Corporation, all of their offices, their labs and then compare to the original blueprints of the bureau. Tris did an excellent job of comparing layout plans, which was a tedious job. She kept needing to take breaks to rest her eyes. I offered to switch, but she insisted she had a good system down.

While she worked on that I used my fake ID to walk through the bureau in order to get us some supplies. The closer we get to the truth, the more dangerous this is getting. I need to talk to Tris about pulling in others to help us. Zeke and Amar are working in the Chicago Police Department, and they have connections that will be useful. Johanna is powerful with many connections and I do trust her with this.

As we are planning to break into Whole Genetics Corporation very late at night we decide to take a short nap after dinner. I take a pillow to the couch. We close the blinds and set our alarm for three hours later. As we are about to lay down Tris sighs and comes to sit with me on the couch.

She clears her throat, "It's a pretty big bed. If you are comfortable, I don't mind us sharing." I smile and thank her as we go to lay down. Although we are laying on opposite sides of a king sized bed it feels so intimate, we both face each other and smile, I see how tired her eyes look.

I am reminded about how things used to be between us. My mind wanders to that last morning at the bureau when I woke up with her in my arms on that couch. We had slept close together before, but that morning felt different. The times before, we were comforting each other or even protecting each other; that morning we there because we wanted to be. We had fallen asleep after making love.

I feel a small pang in my chest, we are together now out of necessity alone. We aren't really friends, and we certainly aren't lovers.

Suddenly I feel Tris's delicate hand touch mine from across the bed, she gently links my pointer finger in between her fingers and then strokes her thumb across mine, as though to comfort me. I look at our intertwined hands, I feel warmth and deep sadness at the same time.

I look at our intertwined hands, I feel warmth and deep sadness at the same time

She yawns softly, covering her mouth with her other hand. "Are you ok? You looked sad. Like you've said, I want you to be able to talk to me as well. You can trust me too."

I fight to control my face, I know I can't tell her the truth. I am deeply in love with her and my heart is breaking again and again. Besides, we aren't good together. Not anymore. There is no point bringing up something that can't be fixed.

I clear my throat and caress her fingers with my thumb as well, I ignore the sparks that shoot through my body. "I'm just tired. Oh, hey, are you ready to tell me about the water reservoir we passed earlier?"

Tris smiles at me sadly, "I promise I will. Later. Let's just get some sleep now."

I nod and caress her hand until she falls asleep. I soon follow.

++o++

Upon waking up I convince Tris that we need to tell someone about what is going on and our plan for tonight, especially in case things go south and we don't make it out. After some debate she finally agrees. I make two calls with my burner phone. The first to Johanna and the second to Zeke.

When I called Johanna and was about to hang up, Tris asked to speak to her. She looked and me and bit her lip. I felt like she wanted a moment of privacy. So I went to the bathroom to give it to her.

When I got back she had already hung up. "Tris, everything alright?"

She nodded and returned my phone. She told me everything would be.

I then called Zeke. With our permission Zeke enlists Amar's help and both will be traveling to the bureau overnight and posing as Police security for Johanna's campaign.

++o++

We made it into Whole Genetics without any issues, the false badges worked well.

I think about what I just learned, my conversation with Johanna revealed something disturbing.

I look over at Tris as I am seated at the computer mainframe inside Whole Genetics Corporation, she is on guard and watching the hallway through the door of the room we are in. I smile at her stance, she looks good holding that gun. I see she has not lost her Dauntless training.

"Tris, when I spoke to Johanna earlier she had more information about James and the messenger service. Do you want to know?" I try to keep the edge out of my voice. I can't wrap my mind around how she is still wearing that asshole's engagement ring. Part of me expects her to brush me off and insist that she needs to 'deal' with him directly.

Her shoulders tense and she lowers her gun, but she nods for me to continue.

Her shoulders tense and she lowers her gun, but she nods for me to continue

 

"Johanna prepared some false communications as tests. And all three tests proved that the Wilton campaign had read them before it arrived to the intended party. She also found that one of the Wilton family subsidiaries is a silent partner of the messenger company." I pause, watching her reaction carefully. "I sent my letter to you from Johanna's campaign account, assuming it would be safer. That is how your fiancé was able to steal the letter I wrote to you."

Tris looks at me blankly and after a moment she finally nods her head. My irritation starts to bubble over. Is she serious?! Maybe she really doesn't care that the man she is going to marry is a conniving, cheating snake. I shudder thinking about that asshole ever being near my child if she actually does marry him.

Suddenly my code breaks the security wall and I am in! "Tris!" I say excitedly, "We are in! This is it. All the answers are right here. In case we don't make it out, we need to simultaneously transmit this information to the Chicago Police Department's secure server."

She nods in agreement and as I am setting it up I feel her right next to me as she leans down to hug me and kiss my cheek. "I knew you would be able to help me Tobias, thank you. I l-...I just, I don't know what I would've done without you." I hear the emotion in her voice as she tries not to cry. I just nod, I can't let my emotions lose right now.

The next hour is painful. As the information is transferring I am able to access it from another screen and run specific queries. With Zeke and Amar just having arrived to the bureau they quickly set up in Johanna's offices and tap into the security cameras of the section we are in; they are able to monitor the hallways so that Tris can sit next to me and review what we find.

It is worse than I ever could have imagined. I feel sick not only for Tris, but also for the other women that were subjected to such cruel and invasive testing.

The project was is titled the Genetic Purity Breeding Research Program. Every one of the women except Tris has some kind of contact with the Whole Genetics company, whether women who were battling infertility, or women whose regular healthcare provider happened to run routine lab work through their labs.

Whole Genetics was illegally performing additional tests on all of the female samples that passed through and then carefully picking their test subjects.

As we drill deeper I can sense her anxiety, I think she is about to chew a hole through her cheek. I take a break to put my arm around her and squeeze her tightly; as I do, I feel her relax in my arms. Suddenly her arms are around me and for a second my heart is about to burst out of my chest. She only hugs me back.

Nothing more.

Get a grip, Tobias. She doesn't want you. She hasn't wanted you for a long time.

We then pull up Tris's file. I look at her and she nods for me to move forward.

Tris was shot and presumed dead the day the memory serum was released. As she had previously been flagged by Whole Genetics Corporation, they believed that she was brain dead and only preserved her body for one purpose. They used a paralytic drug to make her appear dead and then they presented her body to her loved ones so they would accept her death. They planned to keep her in a vegetative state so that they could harvest her matured reproductive eggs after each monthly ovulation. My fists tighten at my sides, I am furious anyone would do this to her. Treating her like lab rat. Tris sits quietly next to me, as though she is stunned.

As we read further in the research notes, it was shortly discovered that Tris was not going to be ovulating as she was already pregnant- with our baby that was conceived our last night together in the bureau. The tests to confirm the age of the fetus matched with that night.

They even had a file on my genetic information that was pulled from my medical records.

They were able to run a DNA analysis on the fetus shortly after her pregnancy was discovered. The baby is mine, thank God, we never verbalized the fear but it would have been possible that Tris was impregnated by intrauterine insemination (IUI). Early DNA tests proved that our baby was special, unlike anything they had ever seen. Between her Genetic Purity and something in my DNA that allows me to resist or at least break out of serums – our son is special and thus very valuable to them.

"We have a son." Tris whispers, tears stream down her face. "Tobias..." she turns to me, unable to speak further.

"We have a son." I smile at her. "We will find him, Tris."

She nods, I know she believes me. She believes in me.

As we continue to read it was discovered that she was not brain dead and would have been able to wake from her coma as early as the start of her second trimester. The decision was made to keep her in a coma like the others, so that they could steal her baby and then continue with their original plan or harvesting her eggs.

"Oh my God...these people are monsters." She shakes her head in horror.

And then the other bombshell drops. I type in James Wilton on a hunch. Tris watches as I do and nods her head for me to continue.

Mr. James Wilton is a silent member of the board of Whole Genetics Corporation. As we drill further we find that he was personally involved in the project. He was part of this from day one.

"Everything. Everything from the moment he made it seem that I bumped into him and made him spill a binder of papers...it was all a lie. He acted like he didn't have any idea who I was." Tris pauses, "When all along he knew me as test subject 39." She puts her hand to forehead.

The notes on her file show that Tris especially was someone of interest, being from Chicago and then the unique genetic makeup of the baby she was carrying. Notes indicated that as soon as she was able to conceive again, they wanted to see what her baby would be like if fathered by someone who was Genetically Pure. Which James is. Does he love her at all? Was everything just part of his little research project?!

I feel sick to my stomach. I look over to Tris, as much as I hate that son of a bitch, I can't imagine what she is feeling right now. The betrayal.

"Tris, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please talk to me. Look, we both know I have always hated James...but I would never have wanted this for you." I watch as she calmly continues to look over the information on the screen. She long ago took over the search and review of her information. "Please don't shut me out," I finish.

She says nothing. So I try again after a few minutes.

"I know this must be so painful for you, he is your fiancé...and to find out all of these things. I am sorry you have to go through this," I start.

Tris looks at me for the first time. She slowly lets out a breath of air. "Tobias. I am shocked to a certain extent, I am so mad...but I'm not heartbroken. I'm ok. I really am. I am so worried about our son, I don't give a damn about James. I'll deal with that asshole later."

My eyebrows raise, she seems so cold about it.

Tris sees my expression and sighs again. She bites her lip before speaking.

"The truth is, you were right! There was something so wrong about James, from the very beginning. Honestly...there was also something so wrong about me at the same time. I was not in a good place, and please know – I am not blaming you or Christina. I have to take responsibility for me, for my own mental health." She pauses and closes her eyes as though she is trying to think through her next words. "I was vulnerable, I was weak, and James was an expert at manipulating me. I have to be honest with myself, when I was with him...I completely lost sight of who I was."

I listen quietly as she gets it all out. I feel sick for her, this is upsetting to hear.

"I even stopped going to therapy for him. I did it for his campaign, he was worried about appearances. He slowly isolated me from my friends, even from Caleb to a certain extent. I saw what he was doing, but I choose to believe him when he explained he did it all out of his great love for me." Tris scoffs, "There was a part of me that just wanted him to love me, and for him to make all of the decisions. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I was completely broken."

She then looks at me, tears in her eyes. It isn't until she reaches over to wipe tears off my cheek that I realize it was even there. I love this girl so much, it pains me to see her suffer.

"Thank you, you tried so hard to help me. Thank you for caring enough about me to try," Tris whispers, taking my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze.

I nod my head, and wonder how it is possible that we have been through so much together, only to now be so far apart.

I see how cold and indifferent she is about James. I get it, he is an asshole. Tris seems to just accept it and move on. She is done.

Done.

She is done with him, the same way she was done with me after she discovered I was screwing her best friend when I thought she was gone.

I know we are never going to get past all of the hurt and terrible history. I just hope we can find our son and then work out a peaceful co-parenting agreement.

++o++

++o++ ++o++

++o++

*Tris POV*

James Wilton.

That asshole. I can't even wrap my brain around what a conniving freak he is.

I know I should feel something, sadness maybe. Some tears.

Truth is that the moment I knew what he did to me with the letter, I went into autopilot. I'm so glad I found out about his manipulation when I did. It was the push I needed to get my own damn birth control.

Which led me here. With Tobias and searching for our son.

I hate James, but I also don't care. Now I know for sure what I've been ignoring all along. I was never in love with James Wilton. It occurs to me I've never told him even one time that I love him. Versus saying he "loves" me is his mantra as he justifies his poor behavior.

I was settling.

I remember the way Tobias watched for my reaction. As though he wanted to see if I would breakdown or cry over James.

Or maybe I imagined that too. I'm not doing so well in gaging what people are really feeling. I'm just tired.

After all of the information has transferred and we find out where the real lab was. We realize that soon the early morning shift for Whole Genetics Corporation is going to start. We can't stay much longer. I have my laptop and a jump drive, where I am saving my personal information. Suddenly another file on Tobias Eaton pops up.

"Tobias, quick, look at this!" I hiss quietly.

He slides into the chair next to me and leans over to see. I immediately start the copy of files before I open the first one.

He inhales sharply as he sees himself on the screen. The first video is of him entering the bureau through the front doors, he appears to be walking with Amar, Zeke and Hana. Zeke. I quickly realize he must have just been returning from his mission to Chicago.

He was about to find out that I died.

"Turn this off. Now," he says firmly, I can hear the desperation in his voice. But I can't, I need to face what happened that day.

"I need to see it," I whisper pleadingly to him, placing my hand over his. "Please, Tobias."

He frowns at me, and shakes his head as he pulls his hand away. He doesn't look happy, but we both know he can't stop me.

"I'll always love you, Tris. And now we have a baby...and I would do anything for you both. But I can't do this. I can't go back to that dark place. I won't do it, not even for you." He pauses. "You can do what you want but we need to get out of here now. Let's go."

I know he is right. I see that the files saved to my drive so I place it in my pocket as we quickly pack up and he calls Zeke to monitor our escape route. We make it safely to our hotel room. We walk in silence the entire way.

"I am going to sleep, you should do the same. We have an early day tomorrow since we are meeting with the group at Johanna's offices. We also need to check out of this hotel." He says to me, I hear the nervousness in his voice.

I know he wants me to let this go. But I can't.

I just can't do it.

I clear my throat. "I am going to sit in the bathroom with the laptop and look at the files from that day...I have to. I hope you can understand." I whisper at the end.

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and tells me he is going to sleep. He doesn't even look at me. I know him well enough to know that he is mad at me.

I spend the next couple of hours watching agonizing footage. I feel as though I am dying all over again. To see and hear their pain. But worse of all, is Tobias.

I fast forward through the hours and hours that Tobias sits alone, in agony. It is too much for me to watch in real time. I lean my head back against the bathroom cabinets of the sink. I am sitting on the bathroom floor watching the videos.

I thought that hearing him grieve for me would be the worst. I was wrong.

Watching him sit in complete stillness was the worst. Knowing that he must have been screaming on the inside.

I know what that feels like, and it is awful.

I see it now. My death almost killed him. He loved me so much, and I left him. I took a chance with what we had – and I ruined us. I almost ruined him.

I also see Christina in these videos. I see that she does mourn me, she did love me. But I also see how much she cares for him, even on that day. How did I miss that? Running through my mind are conversations Chris and I had those last weeks.

Maybe she didn't even realize it herself, I know I didn't see it. From what I see on the screen, I believe she already had feelings for Tobias the day I died.

It doesn't matter, not anymore. The damage I inflicted was already done. I regret my choice to risk my life. I should have put Tobias first, I should have put our love first.

I'm the one that failed him.

And more than anything, I see with my own eyes how much he loved me. How much he needed me.

And only me.

I was everything to him.

I pause the video and pull my knees to my chin and sob quietly. I hurt him so badly and then I was unwilling to even hear him out when I returned.

Yes, I was hurt...but I was awful to him.

I close the laptop and stumble out of the bathroom, tears streaming down my face. It is very early morning by this point and the room is lit with the light of dawn.

I crawl into bed with Tobias and lay down next to him. When I say next to him, I actually mean that I lay on top of him.

He is startled awake, "Um... Tris?" he mumbles groggily.

The moment he notices I am crying he quickly wakes up and cups my face, "What is it?!"

I bite my lip, and then cry, "I'm sorry. I love you, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Tobias. I know I don't deserve it, but I am sorry."

Tobias sighs, and holds me to him. He kisses my forehead one time and then tries to soothe, to calm me.

I continue, "I had no sympathy for what you had been through. Seeing that video made it real to me." I sit up now straddling him as he lays on his back, He then sits up too so we can face each other.

I place my hands on his face. "It broke my heart to see you suffer."

There is something in the way he looks at me, it is not forgiveness. Tobias is closed off to me. I can see that he is trying to be kind, but he is also forcing it. He says the right things, but I am not sure he really means them.

I have pushed him too far away. It is too late for us.

Or is it?

I close my eyes and think about what I am doing. What do I want? What do I need? What does Tobias deserve? I want him to be happy.

I want to be the woman that makes him happy.

I love him.

I open my eyes and he is watching me intently. I gently lean in and kiss him on the lips. He tenses up, but doesn't push me away.

"I love you, Tobias," I whisper in his ear.

He scrunches his eyebrows, "Tris...you don't need to do this. We shouldn't do this. I forgive you, ok? But...the truth is we are done. So much as happened."

He doesn't look me in the eyes as he says the words. He may be mad at me, shit, he may even hate me right now. Even if it is just a little. But I know he still loves me, too.

I gently begin kissing his jaw, his neck, I run my fingers through the hair at the base of his head and gently tug. I also shift so I am sitting much closer to him.

"I love you, Tobias. I've never stopped loving you. I wanted to. I used to pray for my heart to stop wanting you so that the hurt would stop." I gently rock my core against his, feeling his arousal, "but it didn't." He gasps at the contact.

Suddenly Tobias places his hands firmly on my hips and gently pushes me away.

He puts his hands on my face, stopping me from kissing him. "You are saying all of this to me while wearing another man's engagement ring, Tris. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

He pulls up my left hand, showing James's engagement ring, so we can both see it. "You really have no idea how much you hurt me, time and time again. I do love you, Tris, but I don't think we work anymore."

I inhale sharply, he is probably right. I nod my head in defeat and carefully untangle myself from him. I bite hard on my cheek to keep the tears from falling. I feel like such a fool. His rejection stings.

I also don't fault him. How could I?

"Tris...wait. I don't want to hurt you," he whispers sadly. "But I just can't, I mean...I just..."

I clear my throat as I move to get out of the bed, "Shhh, it's ok. You don't have to explain. I get it. More importantly, you are right. I see it too."

I feel dizzy with grief, the rejection is like a ton of bricks on my chest.

He doesn't want me anymore. I don't blame him.

"Tris," he says warily, and then he falls back on the bed and stairs at the ceiling. I can see how torn up he is. He rubs his temples as he tries to calm himself. It wasn't fair of me to try to push this on him.

I am sure it was hard for him to reject me like that. He is not a cruel person.

I clear my throat. "It just hit me how tired I am. Even if I just get one hour of sleep, it will help," I mumble as I walk around to the other side of the bed. It's not that I don't want to sleep in the bed, I just know I am seconds away from crying in agony. I am not mad, I deserve to feel this pain, for all I have done.

I quietly grab my pillow and head over to the couch at the other side of the room. I lay on my side and face the back of the couch so my face is out of view, pulling the throw over me as a blanket. Tears stream down my cheeks, but I am quiet. I close my eyes, I just want to sleep.

A few moments pass when suddenly I am being lifted up and carried. I gasp in surprise.

Tobias gently lays me back down on the bed. "Why did you go to the couch?" he demands.

"I just didn't want to sleep here. I mean, well it just seemed..." I start.

"Stop lying to me. Tell me the truth, why did you go to the couch." He demands.

I then burst into tears, "Because I am sad, and I didn't want to cry in front of you! Okay?!"

Tobias leans down and kisses me so passionately that for a moment I forget where I am and even who I am. My God, this kiss is amazing.

"No more hiding, Tris! The only way we are going to work, the only way we are going to be a good example of our son...we need to be honest with each other. I love you Tris Prior, I have always loved you. I want to make love to you right now, on this bed."

My mouth falls open, I instantly feel a pull in my core. I want him so badly, I always have.

"Yes, please. I want to be with you," I say eagerly.

"We still have a lot to work out..." Tobias says as he leans closer to me.

My pulse is racing, "Yes, we do," I say as I gently caress his face.

He turns to kiss my palm before saying, "Let's table talking. Right now I want to show you how much I love and need you in my life."

"I like this plan," I whisper as he leans in and kisses me slowly.

I ask him to please be gentle and he kisses me softly and sensuously as a yes.

And he does.

Our love making is beautiful. It is so slow and tender, and we both hold each other as though the world is about to end.

/XO/

Our clothes are strewn all over the room, I've never undressed so quickly. My finger tips gently roam his body. He does the same to me.

I tell him I am close the first time I am about to climax, he pushes himself up on his arms so he can watch me come undone below him. The way that he watches me as he slowly moves in and out makes me shudder and shake long after my orgasm rolls through me. I cry out his name in agony, I need more of him, these feelings are the most intense I have ever experienced.

I cry out for him, I beg him to make me come again. He uses his hand to touch my bundle of nerves and I scream out in pleasure. I move under him, desperate to feel him completely. I am panting and I don't know if I will ever stop.

My hands are everywhere on Tobias. I can't get enough of him.

And then he pulls my legs up higher and quickly rolls a pillow under my hips, before he pushes into me again. I gasp at the slight change in position and how I can feel him able to thrust even deeper, my whimpers urging him on.

"I'm close, Tris. Look at me baby, I love you. I love you so much," he commands and I do. I bite my lip as I watch him make love to me. And I feel myself tighten around him, I cry out again screaming his name. I am moaning loudly, and saying things like 'Thank you,' and 'Tobias, that was so good.' He smiles and bites his lip as he moves really slowly so the last of my orgasm can be enjoyed.

He kisses me, our tongues moving together as his hands grab mine and hold them above our heads while pushing them down into the mattress. His body now pressed firmly on top of mine. He kisses my shoulder and whispers directly into my ear that he is going to keep making love to me, but hard.

I whimper in anticipation. Tobias takes me, and I love it. He whispers in my ear that he loves me, that he has dreamt about taking me like this so many times, he tells me that he wants to make love to me a million more times, for the rest of our lives.

I close my eyes, listening to him but also amazed at the sensation of having his entire body rub against me as his deep strokes move me to the edge of my pleasure over and over again.

I feel his thrusts get shorter and faster, I know he is close. His breathing becomes choppy. I bite my lip and concentrate on the feeling of his shaft moving inside of me. Suddenly he uses one of his hands to continue holding both of mine above my head. Then moving his free hand down, in between us.

I scream his name when he gently pinches my bundle of nerves and my fourth orgasm rolls through me and he follows quickly behind me. I watch in awe as he takes me, and he pushes deep into me as he comes. His loud groans reverberating through the room.

/XO/

He collapses next to me, pulling me close. I am completely spent.

Before sleep takes me I tell him that I love him, and I always will.

"I love you, Tris," he whispers as he pulls me even closer to him.

I smile as I fall into a deep sleep.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	18. Chapter 18: Towards My Heart

Chapter 18: Towards My Heart

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Content Disclaimer:

This chapter includes mature adult themes. Topics include depression, suicide, as well as adult consensual sexual situations. At the start and end of the adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: /XO/

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter 18: Towards My Heart

^^ Later that day ^^

Date: Two months, and one week+ since Tris was found

*Tobias POV*

The first thing I see when I wake, lying in bed with Tris, are the birds flying over her collarbone. The path of their flight, moving towards her heart. The soft bed sheets are wrapped tightly around us both. She is sleeping soundly, I know she's exhausted. I got a few more hours of sleep as she was in the bathroom watching the video footage.

It is so painful for me to even think of that day, but I am grateful it is what brought her back to me. Seeing for herself how important she was and is to me, it opened her heart to me again. I glance at the clock and smile, we have hours before we are meeting Johanna, Zeke, and Amar.

I want to let her sleep and I am also enjoying watching her, feeling her warm body pressed closely to mine. I think about how incredible our love making was last night. I've never felt anything like it. To really love someone and then experience that closeness is unlike anything else. Of course we were also in love that night on the couch, but it was the first time for us both. Sensual images and feelings of last night replay in my mind.

"Wow, you must be thinking about something nice...I don't think I have ever seen you smile so big," Tris quietly giggles as she runs her fingertips across my jaw.

My face flushes with embarrassment as I realize that she has been awake and watching me think about us in that way. I smile and lean over to kiss her lovingly. She welcomes my kiss as she runs her hand into my hair at the back of my head.

"Morning." I whisper in her ear and then kiss her temple.

"Good morning," she bites her lips and looks into my eyes. Her eyes shift down to our naked bodies, only covered by a thin sheet.

I pull her closer to me, my hand on her hip. Her eyes are now wide awake. I kiss her cheek, then her jaw, then her three ravens, lingering on each one for a few seconds. Her hands find my waist, and she sighs with pleasure.

"Tris," I say, "I hate to say this, but...I think we have a few things we need to talk about. About this..." I motion with my hand to our entangled bodies.

"I know we do." She looks apprehensive for a moment before a calm settles over her and she meets my gaze. "But I think we should get dressed before we sit down to have a serious conversation."

"What?!" I joke.

She laughs as I roll over and pull her so she is laying on top of me and I tickle her sides. I lean up as she leans down our lips connecting. Our kisses are slow and sweet, I savor the feel of her lips on mine.

My hands lower from her sides to hold and massage her lower hips.

"I love you," I tell her as I break the kiss.

She smiles at me tenderly and then leans down to kiss my jaw, and then she begins kissing down my neck.

"OK Tris, my self-control is about to go out the window!" I say as I move my hands to gently grab her butt and pull her even closer to me.

She grins but quickly rolls off and looks around the room for her clothes. I chuckle as I sit up as well. I slip on my boxers and sweatpants. Tris tosses me my shirt from across the room. I smile remembering how she ripped it off of me; it was the first article of clothing to come off last night.

Once we are dressed and our room service breakfast has arrived, we sit down at the small dining room table that is situated near the room's small kitchenette. For the first time this morning I start to feel a little anxious. I know we love each other. I know that I want forever with Tris.

I also know we have a lot of issues that can tear us apart.

She clears her throat, and I look at her with apprehension. What if she changes her mind? No, she wouldn't do that to me...right?

Suddenly her palm is gently pressed to my cheek. "Before we start, I want to tell you that I love you, Tobias Eaton."

"I love you too, so much." I tell her, my voice thick with emotion.

She smiles, and kisses my cheek.

"Last night, making love was...well, for lack of a better word, beautiful. But I think we can both agree that sex alone is not going to solve all of our problems," she says, her voice faltering at the end.

I nod my head, there is a part of me that just wants to move forward. I just want us to be together and in love, find our child and have the family I dreamed of having. The family I dream of having with her alone. But I love her too much to risk losing her down the road.

"I agree, I want you today...but I also want you fifty years from now. We have a lot to talk out. I want to start, if that is ok?" I ask.

Tris nods and sits back in her chair waiting.

"Part of moving forward...I think we need to talk about what happened the day you almost died at the bureau. When you took Caleb's place." I say softly.

Tris nods her head and meets my gaze.

"I love you, Tris. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that I will always love you. I just have to be honest...it really hurt me. It hurt me when you put yourself at risk, and almost died. I felt like I was not important to you." I get the words out, afraid of her reaction. But I know it is something that has been nagging at me for a long time.

"Watching that video of you grieving my death, changed me. It showed me...what I had been unable to accept until now. I mattered. I mattered to you, and you needed me." Tris pauses to calm herself before continuing. "The moment I made the choice to go in Caleb's place, I truly believed that I would survive."

"Well, you must have had some doubts. You gave Caleb the 'upon my death' message to give me!" I snap sarcastically. I instantly regret the words as they left my mouth. Tris looks pained as she nods her head, conceding to my point.

"It was the truth, I didn't want to leave you. I made a poor choice. I see it now, and I do owe you an apology. I risked not just my life, but I risked what we had. I risked our future. I didn't put you first. And I am very sorry for that." tears fill her eyes, but she keeps going.

"I love my brother, I do. But the truth is, I love you more. You mattered more to me than anyone else. My mistake in that moment, was that I put Caleb ahead of me. I didn't realize that when I put him ahead of me - I was also putting you last, affecting your life. And your future. As we were in love and we were supposed to finally have that peace. I read your letter, it was beautiful. We lost a lot, and I see that my death was cruel to you. I regret hurting you most of all. I am sorry, Tobias. I am." she says.

I'm glad she apologized for that day, I had been carrying hurt over her decision to put Caleb ahead of herself. Which also meant putting him ahead of what we had. I need to forgive her as much as she needs to forgive herself. Hearing her say the words, knowing her and loving her....flaws and all. I forgive her in that moment.

"Tris, thank you for explaining. It helps me a lot. I want both of us to move past this. I forgive you."

She leans over and kisses me lovingly, a warmth spreads through me. I also know we have a lot more to talk about. We agree to keep going.

"The night of the political fundraiser, the dance competition...and Christina," I start, only to pause when I horrible look of pain washes over Tris's face. My stomach drops, I realize I am scared. I am scared she is going to run, and leave me.

"I'm afraid," I blurt out.

"What?" Tris says, "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to lose you, and I want to work through our issues...but part of me is afraid you are going to run. That you won't think I'm worth it," I admit, running my fingers through my hair, the weight of her past rejections hitting me again.

Tris thinks and then she moves over to my chair to sit on my lap, her legs crossed and to the side while she wraps her arms around my shoulders. My arms immediately hold her close.

"Why don't we sit on the couch, it may be easier to have these difficult conversations if we can be close. The truth is, I am afraid too." She takes my hand, leading me to the couch for us both to sit and face each other. She doesn't let go of my hand.

"The dance competition issue. I know we fought about this when in Chicago, but now that we are working things out I need to really explain myself. And I'm hoping you will really listen this time." Tris nods her head in agreement and smiles, encouraging me to keep going.

"I made a choice. It was a split second decision and looking back, I wish I had decided differently," I pause seeing the confused look on Tris's face.

I explain to her everything that I told Jessica. I tell her that I didn't know that she would be there, and I honestly didn't go into the situation thinking I was doing anything wrong because it wasn't supposed to become so inappropriate. If I'd known she was there I wouldn't have risked her feelings getting hurt for a competition in any way. I further explain it was a high stress moment because my direct report dropped the ball, and then Christina offered to represent Johanna's team. I tell her about the finale, the personal dance and how I acted like a horny freak for the sake of winning. I even tell her again about the lights in my face and this time Tris chuckles at the irony that I couldn't even see the dance.

I apologize for hurting her, and I can only imagine how upsetting that was for her to see. Tris listens quietly until I am finished.

Tris gulps before asking,"When I walked out of the party, I saw that Christina was approaching you. What happened then?"

I sigh remembering my unpleasant exchange with Christina.

"Christina was very drunk, and very emotional. She...well, she got aggressive with her advances. I had to be very firm with her, I was not kind. It was not my finest moment," I admit.

Tris eyes brows furrow and then she nods slowly.

"You are the love of my life, and I want you, Tris." I pause, but I need to be honest with her. "Christina is someone I care about. And I feel bad that she is hurting. I also know that until she let's go of wanting something I can't give her, she will do nothing but keep hurting herself. I know now, whether you and I are together or not – Christina and I are over. She is not the one for me, she never was."

Tris remains silent, her expression unreadable.

Before speaking I grasp both of her hands in mine as her eyes burn into me with a look of doubt, "I also know you and I will never work, if you don't really forgive me for having a relationship with Christina."

Tris nods slowly and then suddenly bursts into tears, letting go of my hands so she can cover her face. I fight not to panic. My stomach drops, afraid she is about to end us. "Tris... baby, please. I love you—" I plead but she interrupts.

"Tobias, stop – I have to explain myself. Just listen, ok?" she sniffs, reaching to the side table for a tissue to blow her nose.

I nod, staring at her intently. She bites her lip and moves closer to me on the couch. I welcome her with open arms, embracing her while gently rubbing her back.

"I won't lie to you; I struggle with knowing that you guys had sex. It also bothers me what good friends you became, that she...well it just feels like I was replaced. I was basically replaced in every way. It still bothers me a lot. But it's not what has been holding me back from being with you." Tris pauses to take a couple of deep breaths. "The truth is...this is hard for me to even say out loud..." I hold my breath while she wrings her hands nervously.

She meets my eyes, the pain reflected pulls at my heart. She quietly whispers, "I feel like I am less than her in every way. I'm not as tall, or curvy, or sensual or experienced, and...I know that it isn't easy to be with me! I know that!" Her lips quiver and she wraps her arms tightly around herself.

I feel a stab of guilt, remembering that phrase from a past fight. I was so angry with her when I learned about her killing Will, as though I was just another person for her to lie to. I felt like I was nothing to her, in turn I lashed out and was very ugly to her.

Has she been carrying that with her all this time? That it isn't easy to be with her?! I feel sick as I listen to her continue.

"I just feel like I'm less than she is. You are the first person I am saying this to, I didn't even tell my therapist. It just feels so overwhelming, I was scared if I said it out loud that I would just...I don't know, wither away into nothing."

"My God, Tris," I say and I fall to my knees in front of where she sits on the couch. "First, thank you for being brave and telling me that. I had no idea you felt that way, but I need you to hear me now."

I pause to make sure she is listening, she nods for me to speak.

"There is no competition. This is not a 'you versus Christina' contest. The bottom line: when it comes to me, Tobias Eaton, you will always be first. You will always be the best. You will always be the one I want the most. And, in case you haven't noticed, I'm also not easy to be with. Who is?" I kiss her lovingly on the mouth and I feel her lips smile against mine.

I know how I feel about her, I've always known. She is the one for me. As I told her once long ago, she doesn't need to worry for a second that I am interested in anyone but her.

I clear my throat, it is fear I have been pushing down again and again, but I know that now is the time to talk to Tris about it.

"I have to ask, do you feel the same way about me? Am I the man you want, the only man you want?" I frown when I see doubt flash across her face. I can't help but think about James, and what he was to her. I will never be able to forget about his taunts about their incredible sex life. He threw in my face how well he makes her come. I hate him.

"Tobias, I want to be honest with you, no matter how painful...I used to feel that way about you. You were my 'everything'. But when I was hurt, I had to force myself to hate you, it was the only way I could make it through the day." She admits. I feel as though my heart is being ripped out of my chest.

Suddenly I realize why I am scared now. James basically destroyed what they had. Well, whichever parts were actually real.

But what if he hadn't?

"Part of me worries, had James turned out to be this amazing non-lunatic guy, maybe you would have wanted James over me! I am not blind. He is wealthy, powerful, I am guessing he is passionate about many things..." I pause to calm myself before I continue. "I am worried, James ruined things between you two, but if he hadn't I wonder...would you have chosen me over him?"

She gently runs her fingers through my hair and then holds my face so we can really look at each other.

"I promise you, you are the one for me. It never would have been James over you," she assures me.

Tris smiles at me. "I love you deeply, Tobias."

"I want to believe you, I do. I just have my doubts too. I'm struggling with it, OK?" I ask her.

She nods and then I can't resist, my mouth finds hers and we immediately begin kissing passionately. My tongue demands entrance into her mouth, and she gives it to me. I start to move closer to her, when she stops me.

"There is something else I need to tell you. It is really important, but also hard for me to talk about," she says softly. I immediately feel the shift in her demeanor. This is a serious matter.

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

Tris bites her lip nervously and then breathes in and out, I assume to calm herself.

"The night of that dance at the fundraiser is the same night my relationship started with James. After the party." I flinch, but nod for her to keep going.

"I know you noticed that I got upset when we happened to pass the door that led to the Indoor/Outdoor Water Reservoir... Shit, this is really hard, but you need to know. More importantly I want you to know, so you can really understand. James stopped me from... Well... That was a really bad night for me, I can't blame you and Christina when the truth is I don't even understand how I got to that point." She is rambling now.

My brows furrow as I struggle to understand what she is saying. A water reservoir? James? The party? What is going on?

"Oh Tobias, I feel so ashamed to say this... but I tried to kill myself that night." Tears fill her eyes, as the enormity of her words hit me.

The woman I love so much, the one whose death almost killed me, almost led me to wipe myself away, tried to...end her own life. I try to calm myself, I loudly breathe in and out.

Tris is weeping now, leaning back on the couch and covering her eyes with the palm of her hands. I know then, she needs me. As much as I need her. I scoop her up and carry her to our bed and lay her down as I crawl next to her and pull her as close to me as I can.

I hold her. I comfort her. And I assure her that I love her and no matter what, I will always be there for her. I just repeat myself while I embrace her and rub her back as she cries into my chest.

After a while she calms down and asks if she can tell me the rest, if I can handle more. She seems nervous. I urge her to continue.

"I had been feeling so bad, and I just found myself unable to say the words. I wanted to believe that if I could push away how bad I felt, that it would go away. I had friends who loved me, I had a team of really good people who wanted to help me...but I just couldn't say the words out loud. It was easier for me to be mad at you, to lash out at you...than for me to admit how hurt I was, and more importantly, how absolutely worthless I felt." She pauses. "The best way I can think to describe it...I would be in a room full of people who cared about me, and were having fun...but I had never felt so alone in my entire life."

She wipes tears away. "And you, I mean I get it. You loved me, you wanted to get through to me...but every time you would talk to me, make promises, apologize...it killed me. I would just look at you and think to myself that I could never be enough for you again. I just knew that you would eventually realize it. And I didn't want to go through that pain later." She bites backs a sob and hugs herself tightly.

"Tris...I'm sorry you felt that way. I wish I could turn back time and know what you were going through. I wish I was there for you, in a way that helped," I say as I lean down and kiss her forehead and then rest my face against hers gently.

I wish I was there for you, in a way that helped," I say as I lean down and kiss her forehead and then rest my face against hers gently

My shoulders pull with tension. "It's my fault right? You tried to hurt yourself after you saw that fucking dance and me acting like a pervert that was into Christina. Oh Tris!" I choke back a sob, I almost lost her and it was because of me and a stupid contest. Tris nods her head as if to say no, and kisses me firmly on the lips.

"There is a couple more things. I don't want secrets between us...and there are some things I am hoping you can explain to me. Or at least tell me your side of the story.... We've never talked about the first day that you saw me. It really hurt me, that you would get so physical and passionate with me...when that same morning you and Christina..." Tris clenches and then unclenches her fists, calming herself. "I felt like you didn't respect me and it made me feel sick and cheap."

I frown while waiting for her to finish. I know there will never be anything that I can say that will make that day ok. All I can do is tell her the truth.

I clear my throat. "You're right. That's all I can say. It was shitty of me. I cringe every time I think about that day. The last couple of months I've replayed it so many times, I'd imagine that if just a couple of things could've happened differently, then maybe you would be with me. Mine, instead of marrying James."

Tris bites her lip and nods. She seems calmer now, as though she is willing to at least hear me out.

"The truth is, in that moment...you were this living, breathing miracle standing in front of me. I didn't even think, remember or care about Christina or anything or anyone else. All I wanted, all I needed was you. It has always been you, Tris." I pause to calm my breathing and look at her. She gives me a small nod as though she may understand. "I am sorry! I'm sorry that moment ended up being so ugly, and it was because of my actions. You were right to be upset with me...jeez, and that slap was very Dauntless worthy!" We both chuckle. My cheeks flush with warmth when Tris gently touches her hand to where she slapped me, she leans over and kisses me on the cheek.

"I regret striking you. There is no excuse for that. I'm sorry," Tris says while staring deep into my eyes. I nod, accepting her apology.

I slowly breath out, "The bottom line is, I am sorry for that day and the mistakes I made. I hope you can forgive me?"

Tris and I make eye contact, "I forgive you for that day. It's in the past. We have a future to think about." She says.

Tris pulls me into her arms and rests her head on my collar bone, her nose tickling my neck. I kiss her forehead once before holding her tighter.

She sighs, ready to continue.

"This is a big one. I ran into Christina in the bathroom after the contest, a little while after. She was pretty drunk, but she was also so angry. And she was lashing out. She said things to me...that just took the hurt I felt and made it this unbearable feeling that I could not escape." Tris pauses to think, as though she is remembering something horrible.

"To her defense, I was already in a dark place, and I had just seen the dance...it was just everything at once. But she told me things... She told me that your love making skills had improved greatly with her, because you guys had lots of sex." Tris flinches as though remembering, "She told me she was amazing in bed, and better than I could ever be."

I cringe at how crass and hurtful that was for Christina to say. And she was so wrong, the sex Tris and I had just hours ago was the most amazing experience I'd ever had in my life.

"She told me that...she told me that I was fooling myself if I thought what she had with you wasn't real. She told me that I should ask you... That you kissed her first."

I physically feel sick that Christina would be so fucking hateful.

And then I remember the first meeting we had with Tris, and the support team. I think about how Christina flew off the handle and that every word that came out of her mouth pushed Tris away from us both. I was so preoccupied over what was happening between Tris and I, I haven't really thought about it until right now.

"Can I explain? Please?" Tris nods. "I was this shell of a person when you died, and I just...gave in to the pressure. Everyone around me wanted to see me move on, Zeke, my other friends... It was Christina that really pushed and pushed for me to let your ghost go. But yes, I did kiss her first. But it doesn't make what she was to me any more significant. I was going through the motions. Trying to move forward."

Tris nods and keeps going. "She then showed me your keys, and she told me I was a fool if I thought the two of you were not still together. I knew by the keychain they were your apartment keys and she told me she was sleeping in your bed! Between that dance and hearing it from her while she waved proof in my face...I was sure you were this horrible person that just wanted to use me and hurt me. I just felt like everything in that moment was too much!"

"I mean...I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I was so betrayed. She said I was nothing but an obligation and you just wanted to do the right thing, that you only love the idea of me, but that you can't resist her...sexually. It hurt me so much that you were trying to win me back while still enjoying her in your bed!" Tris yells at me, she looks livid as though remembering.

I'm now sitting up on our bed with my mouth hanging open. I am completely flabbergasted at Christina. Had she become such a spiteful shrew playing those games? It's all coming together, she hightailed it back to Chicago the morning after the party. She even left my keys with a coworker so she wouldn't have to see me.

"Tris, I'm so mad right now I can't even see straight! Christina's lost her damn mind acting that way. Fuck...I get it now. All those times you were so mad that I was reaching out to you. You thought I was fighting for you, for us...while I was still fucking Chris?! And I don't blame you – between that stupid dance and then Christina flat out lying to you, of course you believed it!" I am furious.

"On my life, the moment I knew you were alive, Christina was no longer an option for me. I knew I wanted you, and only you. She showed up at my doorstep with nowhere to stay, I told her again that nothing had changed for me. But because I felt sorry for her, I gave her my apartment keys so she could sleep alone at my apartment. I stayed on a friend's couch!"

Tris's eyes grow wide as she shakes her head in disbelief.

Once I see that Tris has settled down I continue, "Ok, Christina is out of control. I guess I really didn't realize how much this breakup has affected her as a person. I'm just shocked that she did that! I expected more from her, I'm so sorry, Tris, I had no idea. I hate that she hurt you!"

Tris frowns, but says nothing. I get the feeling she is nowhere near ready to think about Christina. It makes me wonder exactly what happened between them that night.

After a few more breaths to calm myself, I ask Tris if she would tell me more about the Water Reservoir and James. She nods slowly before continuing.

"I finally ran away from Christina, I was devastated. I am not blaming this all on her. Please know that, I was already in such a bad place. I was the one that wasn't being fully honest while in a therapy session. I was spiraling. I just ran and ran until I was walking aimlessly. When I saw that door we passed, the one that upset me yesterday...I had to see the outside of the bureau. I had been staring out the bureau windows grieving since I woke up. I was so tired, so sad...I just wanted my pain to end but I was desperate to feel something at the same time. Looking back I regret what I did. It scared me." She grasps my hands urgently, "I didn't walk in there thinking to myself, here is a great way to end it all...I swear to you. Once I was there, I just needed peace. I wanted to close my eyes and feel peace."

I nod for her to continue. She smiles at me sadly as she wipes a tear away.

"I was sitting at the edge. And then I wasn't. I had slipped into the water. I was then unconscious, it was James who saved me by pulling me out of the water. He jumped in to save me. I would have drowned, I almost did! He took me to his apartment. He admitted he had overheard Christina talking to me and he followed me because he was worried. I think that is one of reason I have stayed with him so long...I felt like I owed him everything."

Tris sighs, "I won't go into too much detail, but I was in shock and cold and he was a warm body that was saying all of the right things. He offered me an escape."

I cringe. She needed an escape from what...me? And I can guess what his version of an "escape" was.

"He told me he wanted me, and only me. He promised if I was with him, that he would take care of me, that he would help me to forget about you and Christina. I just wanted to be free from the pain I felt. And I am not going to lie to you...he was handsome and charismatic. I wanted him too. That was the night we became physical, and he was right...I was able to forget about you both, even if just for a short while," Tris whispers, her eyes lowered.

I bite my lip to keep from screaming, that was very painful to hear. Damn him.

She gently places her hand over mine, I am making a fist I am so upset. I am livid. He is a fucking predator. She was in such a bad place, and he seduces her? Dangling what? Peace of mind in front of her. I despise that asshole.

Suddenly Tris's hand is gently on my cheek, her touch reminding me of what really matters. Tris is my forever, my future...we both need to get past our hurts.

"I'm sorry I've hurt you by telling you this...but I don't want secrets between us," Tris whispers. She looks scared.

"Did you think I would turn my back on you after all this?" I ask her.

She shrugs, I see sadness on her face. I lay back down on the bed, pulling her down with me so she can rest on my chest.

"One more thing, James was so worried about his campaign. He convinced me to stop seeing my therapists. He asked if I would wait, and start right after the campaign was over..." her voice trails off.

I hate that son of a bitch, I just nod. My mind reeling that anyone could convince someone who was suicidal to stop going to therapy.

I need to concentrate on Tris and I. And our child, and not my anger.

I slowly breathe in and out before speaking. "We've both made plenty of mistakes. But I am still in love you, as much today as I have ever been. I want to get past all of this. But you have to want it too? I can't fix this alone." I bite my lip and wait for her response.

And then Tris smiles at me and kisses me warmly. "I want that too, Tobias!"

We talk about the baby, our fears, and our excitement. We both are in awe that our love made an actual person. And we are hopeful for the future. We must find our son.

After a while I notice the time and tell her that pretty soon we have to get going to meet the group, we still have so much to do to find our baby.

"So how much time exactly do we have before we need to meet them?" a mischievous smile on her face.

I kiss her lower lip and suddenly her tongue is in my mouth, kissing me lovingly.

I pause our kiss. "Enough time for me to make you come at least once. I love you, Tris. I love you so much," I moan and I situate her hips directly over my groin. She whimpers with lust when she feels how aroused I am.

"Are we done talking? I think I've covered everything I need to say," Tris says as she sits up on my lap and rolls her hips against me. I grab her hips and begin pushing against her. About five seconds after that I am fully aroused and ready for her.

"I need you Tris. Right now. And yes baby, I have also said everything I can think to say," I pant.

/XO/

Tris rolls off of me on to her back and begins frantically pushing her pants down, and then her underwear. She smirks at me teasingly as I quickly use my fingers to feel if she ready for me, I am pleasantly surprised at how wet she is.

"Now, Tobias, please. I need you," she whines, her face flushed with desire. Seeing her so hot for me almost pushes me over the edge. In one movement I push my sweats and boxers down while situating myself over her, she moves her legs around me. The tip of my penis teasing her as I hold my dick to rub against her clit as she gasps. I also make sure to get it covered with her wetness. I don't want it to hurt when I take her quickly.

I caress her three ravens with my fingertips slowly, she pauses to watch me. There is something about her tattoo that makes me feel a strong to pull to her. Every moment I feel her moving closer towards my heart. The first day that I saw her, it was the three birds across her collarbone that really convinced me she was really back, and alive and well. I then kiss her fiercely as I rock my hips to join us. She groans with pleasure. We both begin moving against each other. Our love making is fast and frantic.

She is so receptive to me, she comes almost immediately. She then begins whispering naughty things in my ear. She tells me to just take her, to go as hard as I want. She holds me as I let go.

/XO/

I make love to her and in that moment, I don't worry about anything else.

I am hers. And she is mine.

+++o+ Chapter End +o+++

+o+++ +o+++ +o+++

Author's Note/Disclaimer:

Thank you all for reading my story this far! I love hearing your comments and receiving messages. It means a lot to me!

Just a quick disclaimer: I understand that sometimes my characters may not make decisions in the best interests of their own mental health. In real life, this is often the way it goes, as well. My goal here is not to write a guide to best practice for mental health self-care, it is to tell a great story, and I think that's why you're reading it, too. The dramatics that go along with their less-than-ideal choices are part of what makes the story intriguing, so keep that in mind as you read, please. Thanks again for reading! ~ FourTrisHEA

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	19. Chapter 19: Our Son

Chapter 19: Our Son

^^ Late Afternoon ^^

Date: Two months, and one week+ since Tris was found

*Tobias POV*

Tris and I shower quickly, check out of our hotel, and then need to rush over to Johanna's management offices. Amar has many connections in the Bureau Security department that he trusts. He has assembled a small team that has been working off the information Tris and I transferred to them late last night. Zeke and Johanna have been helping as well.

As I usher Tris in ahead of me she is immediately approached by Amar and Zeke.

"Tris! I knew you were alive, but actually seeing you...wow!" Zeke smiles at her as he pulls her into his arms. For one moment I see something flash across Tris's face when she looks at him, but then she smiles politely back and the first thing she brings up how much she cared for Uriah, and how sorry she was that he passed. It has been over a year for Zeke, therefore thinking about Uriah is not as raw for him anymore. I cringe for a moment, remembering my involvement in his death. I cared for him too.

Johanna called me over talk and now I can't hear what Tris and Amar are saying. He pulls her into a brief hug as well. As I am listening to Johanna and keeping an eye on Tris, Zeke joins us to help Johanna explain their progress. Two of the men that were already in the room join Tris and Amar to review some documents. One of them puts his hand on Tris's arm and leaves it there too long for my liking. I also don't like the way he looks at her when no one is looking at him. He is blatantly checking her out, the word leering being a better fit. I breathe in and out to calm myself.

"Johanna, I'm gonna borrow Four for one minute if that's ok?" Zeke says smiling.

Johanna nods and then walks over to someone who is examining data over a computer screen.

I glance at Zeke for a second before I turn my attention back to Tris and that guy that is checking her out. Zeke steps into my line of sight, blocking my view. I frown at him.

Zeke's eyes are wide, "Four, what the hell man? You are watching Tris as though you are going to charge over there and pound any guy that looks at her." He pauses as though thinking about his words, "I know it is hard seeing her, but you said you were done chasing her. I just don't want to see you make a fool out of yourself...again."

I remember that Zeke doesn't know what Tris and I have been through the last couple of days, and that we have found our way back together. "Zeke, I love her and she loves me. We are going to give it a try, and all I can say - - I'm completely devoted to her." I smile at him.

Zeke's brows knit together as his jaw drops. He then closed his mouth and nods as though he is choosing his words carefully.

"Um, wow! I am shocked, after months of chasing her and being shot down...also...isn't she engaged? I just saw that boulder of a diamond she has on her finger." Zeke frowns, looking at me as though I'm an idiot.

My cheeks flush, I don't like feeling as though what Tris and I have is under scrutiny. I also hate she is still wearing that fucking ring.

"It's complicated, ok? I know that. She knows it. And right now – I have a son, a six month old baby that I need to worry about. So stop judging us, please. I need your support, not your wagging tongue," I snap.

"Well shit, excuse me for saying something to you. I don't want to see you get hurt...again. I didn't realize that I wasn't allowed to ask a simple question. Which by the way, why is your great 'love' wearing another man's ring, is a simple question," he says. I can hear the disappointment dripping from his tone.

"Tobias?" Tris interrupts, she is now standing right behind Zeke and me. She looks between us both, "If you two are done talking about me...Amar has something important to tell us about the investigation."

I purse my lips, and Zeke looks crestfallen. Zeke tries to get her attention, "Look Tris, I'm sorry. It's just –"

"Zeke... It's fine," Tris says over her shoulder as she is already walking to the group. She then pauses to turn to us one last time. "Oh, to quickly answer your question – the ring was recently insured, so I know it is a 6-carat diamond and worth over seventy-thousand dollars. I am not going to risk losing it or toss this ring away in a rage...and then owe money to James for the rest of my life. I hope that answer satisfies you." She then turns and walks back to the group.

Zeke's cheeks flush and he mumbles, "Great, so glad your woman and I are off to a great start."

I shake my head at Zeke, "She's fine, she has a lot more on her mind then a ring...she is really worried about our son. Forget about it."

As we join the group I immediately stand behind Tris and wrap my arms tightly around her stomach and pull her close to me. I lean down and kiss the side of her neck once before whispering in her ear that it's ok, not to worry about Zeke. I can almost feel the tension leaving her body and she rests her arms on top of mine and leans back into me, while releasing the breath she had been holding.

We then notice that Johanna and Amar's mouths are hanging open, as well as that guy that was checking Tris out earlier.

"We worked things out, and...well...we love each other," Tris says confidently. I smile at everyone and give her squeeze.

Johanna and Amar are so happy that they come over to give us each a hug. I hear Tris quietly whisper to Johanna about the ring, and that she wants to hand it back to James in person and obviously with his involvement in this horrible scheme they are done. I cringe, "his involvement"...is that the only reason she isn't with him? Stop, I need to stop worrying. I just hate James so much.

I hear Tris ask Johanna if she was able to use the banking and payment transaction information she gave her when they last spoke. Johanna nodded vigorously, and assured Tris that no matter what, James and his campaign team were going to pay for all they did to the Jones family. I will have to ask Tris later what that is about.

Johanna tells her that above everything else, she is so glad Tris was able to see what he is really like before it was too late. She also tells Tris how nice it is to see me so happy now that we have reunited. Tris blushes and thanks Johanna. I smile to myself, Johanna always has my back.

"Guys! Um, this is great – I don't really know any of you personally, so congrats on your love-life but we have a serious issue to deal with right now!" a man I don't know calls over to us. He is standing over a computer and frantically waving for us to join him.

"What is it, Jonathan?" Amar barks, sounding concerned.

"I did it. I found what has to be the actual lab where Tris and the other women were kept. It is hidden here in the bureau," Jonathan says, I notice he looks pale, his hand is shaking while holding his computer mouse.

As everyone around me start celebrating and talking next steps I feel Tris turn around and hug me tightly, resting her head against my chest. I hold her tightly, wishing I didn't have a sick feeling in my stomach.

"What's wrong, Jonathan? What haven't you told us?" I ask quietly as Tris stiffens immediately and looks up to face me. Her smile fading. Her sense of security quickly dissipating.

Before he answers I lean to gently kiss her nose and then rest my lips on her forehead. I love this woman, and I would give anything to shield her from pain. She sighs and then pulls away to smile at my bravely.

She sighs and then pulls away to smile at my bravely

We turn to look at Jonathan, all eyes are on him.

He clears his throat.

"This lab is still functioning, there are women there that appear to be in comas and there also appears to be some kind of nursery for kids."

+++++++o+++++++

We quickly assemble a team to infiltrate the lab. Johanna has just brought in the head of her personal security and we are moving quickly. I'm impressed at how swiftly we make it to the secret lab, law enforcement apprehending the people we suspect are involved as we work our way through the corporate offices of Whole Genetics Corporation.

Tris is by my side the entire time, we are both armed and on the lookout for our child.

Overnight they used the information we found to make a list of all involved, many of whom are important members of society and involved in government and the private sector. Tris also gave the police the locations and combinations of the two safes in James's apartment. When she described the contents of the safe in which she had found my letter, I immediately remembered the pictures James has of Christina and me. I shake it off, I was honest with Tris. I hope she never has to actually see them, it is in the past and we have our future now. May she never see those graphic pictures, for her sake and mine.

Tris told them that his business trip was to run for another two days, and he is in Providence. So now is the perfect time to search his apartment.

Tris also told them her suspicions regarding OBGYN Dr. Young, but there was no concrete proof he has done anything illegal. The investigators hoped they could scare him into flipping on Wilton.

As the head team finds our way to the control room of the hidden compound we are shocked to see how elaborate it is. This facility is huge compared to the fake lab where Tris and the others were found. The main control panel shows three separate compounds that are connected by secret passages. One is a morgue and our team does a quick sweep to ensure there was no one alive. The initial count is five bodies, all female adults. The second is a medical ward and lab, there are four women that are sedated and seem to be in a coma by induction, not because of medical need. I cringe when they advise us that two of the women appear to be pregnant.

When will this nightmare end?

Lastly, to the far side is what appears to be an orphanage of sorts. The halls are cheerfully decorated, there are signs everywhere and there are different nurseries that are organized by the children's ages. We note there is also a separate medical ward that is part of the orphanage.

"Tobias, I'm terrified...our son could be there!" Tris whispers to me, I see the concern on her face. I want to be strong for her, but my anxiety is through the roof. I just repeat to myself again and again, our son will be ok. He has to be.

I grab her by the shoulders and face her, her eyes search mine frantically. I lean down and kiss her firmly on the lips. Her arms wrap around my waist tightly, I can feel her hands roaming up and down my back.

"Tris, no matter what happens, no matter what we find...I love you. We can face anything, as long as we are together. I want to take care of you, I want to protect you and our son." I smile at her as tears fill in her eyes. She bites her lip and nods.

"Thank you. Thank you for loving us," she whispers and gently puts her arms around my neck and pulls me back down for another kiss.

"Guys, its time. The team that is going to storm the orphanage is heading out now." Zeke calls to us. His face etched with concern.

I nod at him and pull Tris close to my side.

It is time to go find our son.

++o++

++o++ ++o++ ++o++

++o++

*Tris POV*

As Zeke hands me a glass of water I smile at him. I've always liked Zeke a lot. I was very close to Uriah and I know as brothers what a special bond they shared. As I'm sitting here I can't stop myself from replaying Tobias's earlier words about everyone pressuring him to move on. To live.

To be with Christina.

He specifically mentioned Zeke was one of those people. And then when I overheard Zeke questioning my motives...it just hurt.

I fight to push these negative thoughts out of my mind. I can't worry about that now. Or ever, really. If Zeke believes Christina is better for Tobias than I am, I doubt I'll be able to change his mind.

Soon we are called to go over the plan. Tobias, Zeke and I are part of the second team that will enter the orphanage. I begged the leader of the first team to be careful with all of the children, and then explained my baby may be there. He assured me he is a father and his team has strict instructions to save every child that is found. I'm thankful Amar was allowed to go in with team one. He squeezes my hand while patting Tobias on the back. We have to trust him, and we do.

+++++++o+++++++

When it is our turn to enter the orphanage all of the caregivers are seated and being interviewed by team members. Many are openly crying. Some of the older children are frightened and screaming for their caregivers. It is heartbreaking to see. My stomach drops, the sound of any child suffering makes my heart ache. We look at all the kids, the only infants that could be our child, are girls. I push my panic away, I have to believe our son is ok

"Tobias, Tris, over here!" the leader of team one calls us over. He introduces us to the director of the orphanage. She is an older woman and looks very pale, tears streaming down her face as she is wringing her hands.

"This is Janice, she is in charge here. It appears that all of the caregivers are just employees that were hired by Whole Genetics Corporation. They were all under the impression that this is an orphanage for children that have serious health issues," the team lead shares.

I feel my stomach drop, a bubble of panic is about to consume me, "A-Are the children sick?!"

"That is what we were told, that is the reason that the children have never left this facility. There is an entire staff of doctors that are here around the clock in shifts, as we are too," Janice cries.

Tobias is studying her intently, he moves to stand in front of her and sits back on his haunches so they are eye level. His face is kind, not the Four-Face I come to expect from him when interrogating someone. "We want to believe you, we want to believe that all of the children that are here were not being raised by monsters. Help us to understand what is going on here," he says smoothly.

Tears stream down her face as she nods, "I'll tell you everything; can we go sit in the conference room?"

Tobias, Zeke, Johanna, Amar and some key leaders of the investigation join the director as she begins to explain that when this facility opened four years ago there were no children, they were told that there was a group of children from the fringe that have been identified as having a terrible illness that did not allow them to have natural sunlight or be around others that were not vaccinated against the disease they already carried.

Janice was tasked with hiring a team of caregivers to work as nannies for the children, as this would be an orphanage. She said the children identified in the fringe were without any family. She explained that the children were always infants when they arrived. Infants that had been saved from their mothers that died in childbirth due to the illness.

I cringe over that lie, I am one of those mothers. They stole my baby from me. Tobias is now holding my hand and rubbing his thumb across it reassuringly.

She explains that each nanny had signed a non-disclosure agreement as the secrecy of this project was important. They were told there would be a terrible panic among the fringe if this illness had been made public.

"So if they were able to vaccinate you, why not just do the same for everyone in the fringe?" Tobias asked.

Janice frowns, "I asked that question as well. I was told that the vaccine only worked on women and men that were not carriers. As part of our job interview we needed to submit to extensive medical tests. I even had some wonderful candidates that did not pass the physical exam required. The doctors were frantically researching to enhance the vaccine. The children....were always being taken for hours at a time to the lab. We were never allowed to enter."

She begins to cry loudly as she looks even more pale than earlier, "Saying it out loud sounds terrible now. But we trusted these people. They really seemed to care for the children as much as we do! I am sick thinking that we just sat back and allowed our children to be hurt. I just can't believe that either!" she paused to blow her nose. "All of the children were happy, they didn't mind at all when medical personnel came to get them. This is a good place, I've devoted my entire life to the well being of kids. I'd never work somewhere I thought was hurting a child. I just feel terrible over all the lies."

I had been sitting there in shock listening to all of this information, trying to process that my baby may have been raised here, repeatedly tested in a lab, and who knows what else. I desperately need my son.

Suddenly there is a terrible commotion outside, a caregiver runs into the room with one of our team members on her heals.

"Janice! In all the commotion we just realized that JJ is missing! Someone stole him from his crib, and Nancy, who was watching him was shoved in a closet and she is still unconscious!" the younger woman cries, her arms flailing hysterically. "JJ is gone!"

Janice jumps, "What?! This is impossible, this is a secure facility. No – ask everyone again, someone may have grabbed him when the commotion started. Check again." She turns to all of us, "Please, the baby...he is only six months old. His name is JJ, he has dark brown hair, beautiful grey eyes. He is precious. Please help us!"

I feel as though the room is spinning, the name JJ. Could that by our son?

Tobias is pulling me up, his hand clenched around my elbow. We follow Janice as she runs over to where the nanny is getting medical attention. They are using special smells to help her wake up. She is complaining of a pounding headache and disoriented. She said a man in a dark mask came into the room and put a cloth over her face and that was the last thing she remembered.

I look around the room as she is speaking, I see two cribs, and the one with blue bedding and little whales draws my attention. I step closer to it, I see that the blanket has the letters JJ embroidered on it. I run my fingers gently across it, I need to know if this little boy is my son. I also need to know that he is safe, whether he is mine or not.

I also need to know that he is safe, whether he is mine or not

I look up as Tobias wraps his arms around me. I turn my body around to face him, tears fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks. It almost shatters my heart when I see the fear in his eyes. He is scared too.

Janice run back into the room while holding a few photos of baby JJ, Tobias meets her halfway and asks to take one. Janice then works with the investigators as Tobias and I are forgotten. He begins to walk towards me and I watch as his eyes search the photo intently. I study Tobias to see his reaction.

I study Tobias to see his reaction

Then he smiles. He looks at me and nods, "This has to be him Tris. He looks just like me and has your eyes."

I bite my lip and nod, my son is alive. For the first time I am able to breath, he lived after being taken from me. All this time he has been here, with his little blanket with the whales on it.

Tobias shows me the photo, I burst into tears as I look at a photo of my baby for the first time. He is gorgeous, like his father. Dark hair, his features and my eye color and shape. Tobias pulls me into his arms and kisses me deeply.

"I love you so much," he whispers and pulls me even closer to him.

Breaking our trance, "We have video! Of the kidnapping of the baby," someone yells from the conference room. They set up the projector and put it on the large screen so we can all see.

Just as the nanny said, she was assaulted and then dragged into a closet. The time stamp shows this happened thirty minutes before we stormed the orphanage. Even with the commotion of the raid, the missing baby was discovered just ten minutes after team one arrived as they performed a roll call with caregivers assistance. Janice then confirms that the timing of the kidnapping was perfect. Baby JJ was being put down for his nap and then the nanny was to sit quietly in the room while she filled out paperwork. That is why no one immediately noticed that they had been missing.

The surveillance video is able to follow as the man in the mask takes the baby and leaves undetected and out of the back emergency exit. Once in the elevator the man takes off his mask.

It's James.

James Wilton stole our baby.

I feel the blood drain from my face, oh my God. No. No. This can't be happening.

I am in a daze as people around me begin talking. I sit quietly, I don't even flinch when Tobias cries out in pain and slams his fist on the table. Zeke immediately at his side to try to calm him.

I feel nothing, aside from cold. I am suddenly freezing and all I can think about is how close we were to seeing our son. So close.

Janice is quiet for a moment and then finds her voice. "I don't understand. James Wilton is one of the top benefactors of this orphanage, he is very involved. He even stays on site at times..." the director's voice trails off. She seems genuinely confused.

"What?! Why would a politician be sleeping at an orphanage? What the hell is going on here!?" Tobias hisses. He is quickly losing his cool.

"Four, stay calm. We need her to keep talking, we can't scare her," Zeke says firmly, then apologizing to the director and letting her know this is a very emotional time for us.

She nods her head, appearing shell shocked.

She then looks at me, it seems like for the first time she is really seeing me. "Your eyes..." her eyes widen with recognition, "I see it now. JJ has your exact eyes...is he? Are you, somehow...how can this be?"

I burst into tears and weep. I am inconsolable and I bury my face in my hands and sob. Suddenly Tobias pulls me into his lap and hugs me tightly to him. So tightly that it hurts, but I don't care.

After a few moments I control my cries and beg her to continue. Tobias nods as well, apologizing for getting angry earlier.

"James...why was he so involved here? What was he doing here?" I mumble.

"He was one of the top contributors to this orphanage, as it was a secret orphanage and lab we were unable to do fundraisers, he told us that he was very dedicated to the cause. He also bonded with baby JJ from the first day he came to us," she says, her voice shaking as she looks back and forth between Tobias and me. "In fact, Mr. Wilton was the one to name the baby, JJ's full name is James Jay."

I feel Tobias flinch, even Zeke looks appalled. I hear Amar scoffs angrily from the other side of the room.

She opens James's file that had since brought over to her. She opens it and with trembling hands pulls out a photo, it is of James holding our child. Janice tells us that was taken three and a half months ago. I feel a chill; the photo was before I was even woken up from my coma.

I notice how happy James genuinely looks, while he holds our son. I feel Tobias angrily flinch under me. I can feel the tension radiating off him.

I slide back into my seat so I can lean closer and get a better look at the photo

I slide back into my seat so I can lean closer and get a better look at the photo. Looking even more uncomfortable Janice clears her throat, "There is more. James told us that he had recently gotten engaged, and that he and his fiancé were going to adopt baby JJ... That the medical trial on baby JJ had been successful, so in a couple of months the baby would be able to leave with him and his soon to be wife."

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Son of a bitch!" Tobias shouts. I sit back in my seat, I am unable to wrap my mind around this. What?! James was going to have me adopt my biological son, that I didn't know existed?

I know Tobias is about to lose it.

Zeke again tries to reel Tobias in, to no avail.

Tobias picks up his chair as though it weighs nothing and hurls it across the room where there is no one standing. Tobias is seething mad, and I don't blame him.

"That asshole was going to raise my son with Tris, while we were none the wiser!" Tobias is now pacing the room and both Zeke and Amar are near him, ready to step in this time.

"All these months, that bastard has been bonding with my son! I am going to fucking kill him!" Tobias shouts, his face red with anger.

I feel the room closing in on me. I love Tobias and it pains me to see him like this. I am reeling with worry about my baby. I am sick knowing that my "fiancé" is an evil monster that kept my baby from me, all so that he could have me raise him later...while making me think my own flesh and blood was not mine biologically. Everything was a lie. All of it.

I need to get away, I feel as though my skin is on fire. I quietly slip out of the room and run back to JJ's room. Once alone I burst into tears as I grab his blanket and press my face into it I sit on the floor next to his crib. I bury my nose in it, and then I cry harder as smell the sweetness of my son. Our beautiful boy, who looks just like his father.

I close my eyes and imagine if roles were reversed.

If I had chased Tobias for months, only for him to angrily push me away and then get engaged to another woman. A woman who turned out to be insane and she was secretly bonding with my child and then planning to raise him. Raise my child with Tobias.

When will this end? How much more can we take? How much more can Tobias take?!

As I weep into the blanket I don't hear as Tobias quietly enters the room. He sits down next to me and gently rubs my back, as though waiting for a sign from me that I am ready to talk to him.

I look up and bring my hand to his cheek, I see he now has tears streaming down his face. I feel pain in my chest, I hate this. I hate all of this.

I open my mouth to speak and Tobias grabs my face and kisses me fiercely. I am stunned for a moment and then my instincts take over. I need him, I need his strength now more than ever. We kiss desperately for a few moments, neither one of us pushing for the kiss to go any further.

The kiss is enough. This kiss is everything.

His voice is hoarse from yelling, "I'm sorry, I lost my temper. I shouldn't have-"

"Tobias stop! You don't need to apologize. I am the one who is sorry, I let this monster manipulate and control me...I did things with him...I feel like I am going to be sick," I admit to him as my stomach does flip flops. The terrible guilt I feel is smothering me.

Tobias breathes to calm himself. I see the pain in his eyes. He looks at me intently, as though trying to will our situation to be different.

I would give anything not to be in this mess.

He sighs slowly,"You don't need to apologize either. This asshole was obsessed with you and our son before you were even out of your coma. There is nothing that could have been done. If anything, you and I getting together from the start may have set him off earlier. It would have been worse if we had reunited right away, while having no idea we a child. He would have taken the baby and run even sooner," Tobias says firmly, looking me in the eyes and trying to comfort me.

In that moment I feel his love for me, such an ugly situation and instead of throwing blame at me he is finding the positive to help me feel better.

With our arms tightly around each other, I lean in and firmly kiss his lips again when Zeke bursts into the nursery and sees our passionate embrace.

"Guys! Really? Right now?" Zeke chastises. I notice that his lips turn up in a smile as he is turning away from us.

Tobias scowls at him and he stands and pulls me up. Zeke frantically motions for us to follow.

We run back to the main control room that is located in the main research lab. There has been a message delivered, from James and it is addressed to me.

Once we enter the room they start the video message that is streaming directly to us.

It prompts me to enter a password, asking for the day and month of our planned wedding. I cringe as I enter the information. Tobias looks away from me and crosses his arms.

Then the video begins to play.

James is sitting at a desk and being recorded, he has our son in his arms. The baby is smiling and looks unharmed and happy.

My heart lurches at seeing my baby on the screen.

++o+ James's recorded message +o++

+o+ While talking into the camera he is playing with JJ and giving him hugs and kisses. The baby is very at ease with James and is laughing +o+

"Well Tris, I hate where we find ourselves...but here we are. I can only imagine how upset you must be with me. But I want to assure you, I still love you and I want you in my life. We belong together. We have to raise our son - together.

What was it you just told me the other day? Oh yeah, you aren't ready to be a mother, you are too young. You are only eighteen, blah, blah, blah.

I also have to take into account what happened at the water reservoir.

Now that I know what you are really like, I could never let you just have JJ. My son deserves better.

But don't worry! With both of us to raise him, I will be able to guide you. You won't be able to let either of us down.

These are the reasons I just can't hand over this sweet baby over to you. I just can't trust you, Tris. You are such a weak and selfish girl. It is sad, really.

Oh, and if you are so delusional to believe that Tobias will help you. You are being ridiculous, soon he will see you for what you really are and toss you aside. Once he really learns what you are, you will be cast aside. I'm sure he will know that Christina, just as an example, is much better suited to raise JJ. You would be left with nothing.

Again, I'm just trying to protect you, Tris. I'm the only one who will ever really love you.

There have been many lies. I know that. But what has always been true, I want you, Tris. And only you.

All I want is to make you happy. That's all I've ever wanted. To take care of you and JJ. And soon we would have more children of course.

So here is my offer.

You need to sacrifice everything and everyone. You will leave your life behind you and come to be with me and JJ. No more damaged-Tobias, no more annoying opinionated girlfriends, and no more nerdy brother. You will leave everyone behind and belong to me in every way. You will be mine, forever.

In case this needs to be said, I have eyes everywhere. If you think the authorities will be able to help you...just try it, and see where it gets you. This is your warning, if you do not comply: I will take that as a no and JJ and I will be gone forever. Don't be stupid and think you can outsmart me, I've been ten steps ahead of you the entire time. Tell no one else what is happening...or else no JJ.

You have until ten tomorrow morning to decide and if you can't give up your precious Tobias, then you can forget about me and your son. I will contact you with further details tomorrow morning.

I think we've already established I'm able to satisfy you in every way. We belong together. Together with our son.

Choose wisely Tris. I love you!

++++ James turns JJ to face the camera, the baby giggles when James kisses his cheek. I see my own eyes staring at me through the screen. In a playful voice James whispers into the baby's ear, "Say goodbye to mommy. We will see her soon." (Then the video cuts out) ++++

++o+ Message end +o++

The room is completely silent. No one knows what to say.

+++o+++ Chapter End +++o+++


	20. Chapter 20: That Video

Chapter 20: That Video

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Disclaimer:

This chapter includes mature adult themes. Topics include depression, suicide, as well as adult consensual sexual situations.

At the start and end of EACH adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: /XO/

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter 20: That Video

^^ Moments Later ^^

Date: Two months, and one week+ since Tris was found

*Tris POV*

You could hear a pin drop in the control room, I sit in my chair, my back completely straight with my hands in my lap. The screen is frozen on the image of James holding our son. Tobias's son. It makes me ill to see how loving and comfortable that man is with our baby.

There is an unbearable silence in the room. Everyone is completely still: the orphanage staff, Johanna's small political team, the law enforcement members, and especially Zeke and Amar. It is as though everyone is waiting to see what Tobias and I will do. Even the IT guys that have always been loud and boisterous are silent now.

I can't stop staring at the screen, looking at JJ. That's him – that is our baby.

Now what? I can't even bring myself to think about James's message to me. He sounded so calm, and callously cheerful. I know that everything is falling apart around him. Now that he has kidnapped a baby, it is without question that he is aware that his life as he knows it is over. So the question now is what will a man who is losing everything do? I shudder thinking that my son is not safe with him.

Tobias clears his throat; the entire room quickly looks at him, as though waiting to see what on earth will happen next.

Tobias moves to stand closer to Johanna. "So, Tris and I checked out of the hotel this afternoon, Johanna...you said you have a room for us on your reserved staff floor...?" Tobias says, only looking at her.

"Yes, Jonathan had two keys made – it is room 302C on the same floor on which I am staying for this visit. I thought it would be beneficial if we all were in close proximity," she says while motioning for Jonathan to hand us each a key to our room. I am guessing after she learned we were back together, she put us in the same room. "You guys have the only other suite on our floor; I am in one on the other side of the hall. My room is 316C, in case either of you needs to find me."

Johanna looks at me kindly when saying the last part. I nod at her in thanks.

Tobias thanks her and then speaks. "Tris and Zeke, may I have a word privately?"

Both Zeke and I nod, I feel unease in the pit of my stomach. I've decided that I'd rather see Tobias throw a chair across the room than the way he is acting now.

As we get up to follow him, Tobias stops to address everyone, clearing his throat. "Why don't we agree to meet here tomorrow at eight am? We can then go over next steps regarding James's video demands."

Everyone in the room agrees that time works, and many will be staying as they are working on other projects to handle this situation. They still have the other orphanage children and the comatose women that need help.

Zeke and I silently follow Tobias to the exit. We had dropped off the travel backpacks we have been using in the reception area next to the exit. Tobias silently picks up his bag and hands it to Zeke. He still has not looked at me even once.

"I need some time to be alone...I don't want to say or do something that I'll regret. Zeke, now that we have a room, would you please get Tris settled? Do a sweep, make sure it's clear," Tobias says, looking only at Zeke.

Zeke nods, "Of course, but I wish you wouldn't go off alone. Amar can take Tris...let me just go with you and—"

"No!" Tobias says firmly, "Just no, I need to be alone, Zeke. Please, take care of her. That's the best thing you can do for me. Here is my bag, just toss it in the room."

Zeke nods his head while grabbing Tobias's bag, he clears his throat and offers to give us a moment as he waits outside for me.

Zeke nods his head while grabbing Tobias's bag, he clears his throat and offers to give us a moment as he waits outside for me

I stand still with my arms hanging at my sides, I don't dare try to touch Tobias in any way. I am completely shell-shocked from that message and now Tobias needs space. Away from me.

I'm watching him and for the first time he looks at me, his eyes full of pain and anger.

"I need time, I can't be with you right now..." he mumbles, I feel as though he is squeezing my heart in a vice. But what can I do? I can't blame him, if roles were reversed...I don't know what I would be doing.

I nod my head, biting my lip as I look away from him. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. "Excuse me..." I say as I grab my backpack and walk out the door. I am going to my room. I need to get away from him.

He doesn't follow.

++o++

Zeke and I walk in silence to the hotel wing Johanna has secured. Upon seeing our room door Zeke smiles and points to his room that is right next door. He reminds me to call his cell or tells me to just bang on the wall if I need him, reminding me he is in a room versus a fancy suite. So he will hear me from anywhere in his tiny accommodations. I smile at his joke, even though I feel as though I am dying from sadness. I've become an expert at smiling when I'm crying on the inside.

As we enter the suite he asks if he should put Tobias's bag in the master bedroom. I tell him to just leave it by the front door, who knows where Tobias will end up sleeping as it is a two bedroom suite. Zeke just nods his head, not meeting my eyes. He does a sweep of the rooms and the bathrooms, all is clear.

"Ok, everything looks good. You have my cell phone number...I am going to look for Four. He shouldn't be alone..." Zeke's voice trails off as he studies me. "And either should you, Tris. Is there someone I can call for you?" he asks hopefully. I can tell he is dying to rush out and look for Tobias.

I bite my lip to keep from laughing. I have absolutely no one to call.

"I'm really worried about him, Zeke. Please go right away. I'm fine here, I promise not to leave the room." I force a smile as I walk towards the door to the hallway. "Please hurry. He needs you."

I hold the door open, Zeke frowns but nods. He reminds me again to call his cell with anything as he is walking out the door.

I lock the door behind him and stand alone in the suite. I walk into the master bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I remember my last haircut, the way that James lost it and made me feel as though I had done something wrong. Or the way he convinced me to do things his way, time and time again.

And now James has my son, and I have to make a choice.

I lean closer to the mirror and stare, how has this happened? I'm suddenly a mom, to a baby I've never held, I'm not married, there is a man I love...but I don't really know where we are, or where we are going...if anywhere.

I'll probably never know. I have to leave him. I have to save our son. I could never leave a little baby to be raised by that monster alone.

Oh, Tobias.

He must know. He knows what I will choose. That is probably why he is not here.

Maybe it is for the best.

That is what I tell myself. It is better that he just leave me now, before I have to leave him first.

And then the dam breaks, a sob escapes my mouth and I double over in my grief.

I quickly turn on the shower as hard as it will go and quickly strip down to my panties and tank top and I step in

I quickly turn on the shower as hard as it will go and quickly strip down to my panties and tank top and I step in. I don't have the energy or desire to remove them. I want the noise of the shower to drown out the sound of my grief. I sink to my knees, sobbing.

I eventually sit down and feel the pressure of the water hitting my head and back. Pulling my knees to my chest I just sob, my heart breaking.

I don't know how long I sit there. There are moments my tears run out and I sit in silence, only for my grief to return in waves again later.

++o++

Suddenly the shower door opens and Tobias sees me sitting on the floor. A gasp escapes his lips, a look of panic crosses his face.

"Tris! I'm here, I'll never leave you, and I just needed a little time. Shit!" he exclaims while kicking off his shoes and quickly undressing.

"Don't Tobias, please just don't," I sob while putting my hand up to push him away. "You were right to leave me, you should get as far away from me as you can."

Saying the words burn my throat. I love him so much, but I'm not good for him. In the end I bring him pain, again and again.

Tobias steps into the shower, saying nothing. He gently pulls me to me feet and stands in front of me.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you, Tris? How much I have always loved you?" For the first time I look into his eyes, the shower water is now running over his head and chest. "I needed some time alone, that vile piece of shit video...was horrible. Baby, are you OK? Please tell me that you know that every disgusting thing that came out of his mouth was a lie. You are amazing and strong, and brave. You will be an amazing mom. I know it in my heart. I love you, Tris Prior."

I burst into tears.

I gasp before speaking, "I love you. too. You have to know that, but it kills me that you are hurting, Tobias! I just don't know...how we..." I sob as he cups my face.

He steps closer to me and slowly pulls up my wet tank top that is stuck to my skin, watching my face for approval.

"Tobias?" I say questioningly.

"Tris, I need to hold you, to really feel you in my arms, I need you." He pauses to wait for my approval, which I give without hesitation.

As he drops my tank top on the shower floor he immediately pulls me to his chest. Wrapping my arms around his waist I place my hands on his back, my fingertips resting on Tobias's shoulder blades. He just holds me tightly and strokes my hair as the shower water trickles down my back.

We stand in the shower and hold each other. I stay very still as I just enjoy the safety of his embrace as I bury my face in his neck, resting on his collar bone, my thoughts still running wild, replaying that horrible video message again and again.

"Stay with me?" he whispers softly, I shudder at the sadness I hear in his voice.

The tears that fall down my cheek masked by the shower, even though it may not be true I answer, "Always."

What will I do without him?

++o++

We don't make love in the shower, we are both so emotionally drained. He comforts me and cares for me, I'll never forget how tenderly he washes my hair. When I step out of the shower there he stands, offering the robe that comes with the room. I slip on clean panties and then wrap the robe around me with his help. I blow dry my hair after.

When I walk out to the bedroom Tobias is nowhere to be found. Then the smell of food fills my nostrils, I smile as I walk out to the living room. Tobias is setting up our dinner at the table that is next to the kitchen area.

"I ordered us a pizza, I hope that's ok." He smiles at me hopefully as he pulls out a chair for me.

I walk over to him, before taking the seat he has pulled out I pull him close to me and kiss his lips lovingly. He softly bites my lower lip, my mouth granting his tongue access. Our tongues gently moving together as we embrace.

I break away. "It smells amazing, and we'd better eat before the pizza gets cold." I sit in the chair as he pushes my seat back in. He kisses my neck gently before he takes his seat.

I think about the last couple of days, they have been stressful...but I have never felt as alive as when I am with Tobias. As I slowly chew on my food a sick feelings washes over me. This is most likely my last dinner with the man I love. I suddenly am not hungry as I force myself to chew and swallow.

"You look really sad, Tris," he whispers suddenly.

I look at him and see the pain on his face, I nod and frown.

"No matter what, please tell me that you will always know much I love you. Promise me," I whisper, I swallow away the large lump in my throat.

"You will show me every day yourself, I can't let you go." He sighs. "Not now, not again...no matter what, I can't lose you, Tris. I need you."

I frown, being in denial is not going to make this easier for us. "You saw the video message...you know what I have to do."

Tobias drops his slice of pizza on his plate. "So just like that! I should hand James Wilton the only woman I have ever loved, allow him to keep my son away from me as well?! The baby we made out of love!" His voice raises. "I can't live with that, Tris! We have to figure something out."

"And if we can't?! Do you just want him to take JJ? Lose our child to that maniac!?" I cry painfully. "I don't want this! Even his recording was so clear, he is going to make my life a living hell! You can't imagine how crazed he is. He went ballistic when I got my hair cut without asking permission first!"

Tobias looks genuinely confused, "What?"

I sigh and explain just some examples of James's manipulations and control issues. If it was not so deranged and sick there would be humor in it. Except, we both know this is the life that most likely awaits me. I could never leave a child to bear the weight of that asshole alone.

"My heart is breaking, watching that video...seeing James with our baby. I feel like he's taken my place with my son. And soon he will take my place with you too," Tobias whispers, not looking at me. I hear the devastation in his voice.

A deep sadness rolls over me; as much as I expected this conversation, I still feel as though I'm being punched repeatedly in the gut.

James has been in JJ's life from the day he was born. To watch that monster be so loving with our child...a child that obviously adores him.

Seeing it was heartbreaking to me. I can't even begin to imagine how Tobias must have felt.

I open my mouth to speak, to say something profound that will wipe his pain away, but I have nothing but a sob I try to stifle. Tobias looks at me with tears in his eyes. He knows there is nothing I can say.

James has our baby...physically and emotionally. The baby loves him. It was evident to everyone who watched the video.

I move to sit on Tobias's lap and hold him as he breaks down and cries into my neck. I just stroke his back and whisper that things will get better.

Even though I'm not sure they will.

++o++

As we clear the dinner plates and put away the extra food I realize how natural this feels.

"Tris, please - - there has to be another way. Of course we need our son, but how can I lose you both to James? I can't live without you, not again," Tobias pleads.

I hug him tightly, that is all I can do.

There is nothing I can say to make this right.

++o++

We turn off the living room lights and head to the master bedroom. As we are getting ready for bed we find ourselves arguing again.

"Tobias, enough! If our roles were reversed, I know you would sacrifice yourself for the baby. So you have to respect that I have to do this." I say forcefully, "We know that you would sacrifice yourself for our child. Please don't make this harder for me than it already is!"

"How can I lose you and our baby? What am I supposed to do, knowing that my family is out there somewhere...with a lunatic?!" Tobias cries out.

"We have to try, we will try to stop him and get free. But you also know, and I don't want there to be lies between us...not now...not again." I pause, forming my words carefully. "If I have to stay with him to save the baby, I need you to know that I will always love you. I'm scared too. I am afraid I'll never see you again."

As we go to the bathroom to get ready for bed, we discuss the video. It's a painful conversation, but something we have to work through.

Tobias is horrified at how manipulative James is. I nod in agreement, I see the monster so clearly now.

"Tris, he manages to tear you down while saying it in a way that makes you feel like he is the only person that will ever accept and love you...he's diabolical!" Tobias murmurs as he shakes his head.

"He's being aggressive about it now, but yes - he's been pulling that crap the whole time. He was able to hide it well. I felt like I was the weak one that couldn't function without him," I pause to shake my head and huff, "I don't know what to say...I just..."

"Hey! Don't let him tear you down again. You're the woman that showed up at my door at five am to drag me on this crazy mission that has already helped so many people." Tobias pulls me into his strong arms, "These children, the other women in the comas...you are so much more than James wants to allow you to be!"

For the first time in a long time I feel strong and capable. Tobias is right, we've managed to help so many people so far.

I look into his eyes and place my hand on his face, I'm reminded of the instructor that I fell in love with. The man who pushed me to be better, the man who knew I wouldn't break when afraid.

So much has changed, and in this moment I realize how my love for Tobias Eaton has deepened since I was that sixteen year old girl from Abnegation.

"I'm in love with you, Tobias," I whisper.

His lip curves up as he leans in to kiss me. "Say it again," he whispers before his lips make contact.

After our kiss I say it again, and he says it right back to me.

I already knew.

++o++

I can tell something is bothering him, so I ask him what it is.

Tobias makes a nasty comment about how James's video had to point out how amazing he is at making me climax during sex. I frown, I am not sure what exactly Tobias thinks but I want him to know the truth.

"I've never had actual sex with James...we were waiting until we were married. That was one of the reasons he was able to push me to get married so quickly. I mean...in case you were interested," I mumble uncomfortably with a toothbrush in my mouth.

Tobias looks confused. "But we argued about it, and I thought..."

I sigh. "The night of the water reservoir...we fooled around, and yes he got me off, and I was able to forget about you and Christina. That's all it was to me, an escape. But that was it, just that one night and we never did anything that intense again. I'm sorry I hurt you, and let you think that it was more. We were having such an ugly fight the night before you left for Chicago...I wanted to hurt you. I feel terrible about it now, I'm sorry."

Tobias nods his head, but he still looks confused.

"What is it?" I ask gently.

Tobias pinches the bridge of his nose, one of his gestures when he is annoyed. "When I had that brawl with James at the political dinner...he flat out told me that he was having sex with you..."

I exhale slowly, thinking about that terrible fight Tobias and James had, all because of Christina. It's not something I want to remember. I don't want to think about her my last night with him. Maybe when I am gone he can go run to her again.

Ugh, stop it! I need to get a grip.

Tobias sneers, as though remembering "He was such a disrespectful asshole, I wanted to kill him that night - -"

Is he kidding me right now!? I don't need this bullshit.

"Ok Tobias, I get it! You worry about Christina...a lot. You have already told me more than once how much you care about her. You don't need to rub my face in it!" I snap as charge out of the bathroom. Damn it, I hate feeling this way.

I open my backpack and look for a clean shirt I can sleep in. I don't really want to sleep in the one I plan to wear tomorrow.

Tobias charges out of the bathroom. "Tris! What does Christina have to do with this conversation? I care about her in general, as in I actually feel sorry for her. But you're acting like I just professed my love for her. What am I missing?"

I huff while dumping all the contents of my backpack on the bed. Trying not to look at Tobias.

"Talk!" He barks at me.

Fine!

"James told me! He said that you went crazy and physically jumped him because he insulted your precious Christina. I read the police report! All witnesses said you punched him first and basically attacked him like a crazy person." I snap, as I am still searching for that shirt I want to wear to bed and repacking my backpack.

Tobias charges over to me and places his hands on my shoulders so I can face him. "James is liar. That is not what happened!"

Tobias breathes in and out to calm himself, explaining that James mentioned Christina once, calling her a loud mouth bitch, well that's true. "...stop laughing, Tris..." Tobias scolds me before finishing. "But he only mentioned her because he wanted to point out that he understood why I dropped her so quickly and had been running after you."

"Go on..." I say my brows furrowing.

Tobias's cheeks get red, "He told me that he then knew, the sweet sounds you make when you come...and how you lose yourself in your passion...he flat out told me that sex with you was addictive!"

I gasp, my eyes widening and my cheeks are flaming red. What the fuck James?!

Tobias looks so annoyed, "And then he told me that he could only imagine how much I missed having you, but that you now belonged to him and now he was the one to make you come now! I snapped, Tris. I hated what he was saying, I wanted to die at the thought of you screwing him. But I was especially furious that he was being so crude and disrespectful to you."

Tobias pauses to calm himself.

"I attacked James that night because of the things he said about you! I lost it, I should have been smarter. He knew exactly was he was doing, he knew to taunt me about your amazing sex life and that I would react." Tobias sighs, "Christina is a friend, granted a friend that has really disappointed me, her lies to you especially. But I'd never get into a jealous rage or fist fight over her. That was all for you, Tris," he finishes.

I nod my head, I can't believe how stupid I was. I smile sheepishly at Tobias. He laughs at me and tells me that he likes it when I am a little jealous, not crazed, but just a little.

I laugh and shove him and he picks me up and twirls me around. Before he sets me down I lean up and kiss him lovingly.

Our gentle kiss immediately turns desperate. I gently tug on the hair on his head as I press my body closer to him.

"Oh, Tris... I know we have more to talk about, but I need you now," he whispers as his hand gently slides into the opening of my robe, his fingertips caressing my slit over my thin underwear. The sensation causes me to whimper loudly. I step back to lean back against the bedroom dresser and pull him close to by his waist. I relish the feeling of being pressed between his firm body and a sturdy piece of furniture. He watches my face intently as his free hand guides my hand to the bulge I can feel through his pants. I lick my lips with lust, I immediately feel a desperate pull for him at my core.

/XO/

We both touch and love each other, his fingers pushing my stretchy underwear aside as he traces me up and down, slowly at first. I bite my lip and look into his eyes. I unzip his pants so that my hand can slip in and I can stroke his shaft up and down.

The most sensual thing is the way he rests his forehead against mine and we stare into each other's eyes as we pleasure each other. Its fast for me, I am so ready for my release. Tobias looks at me hungrily as my orgasm rips through me, I know he wants me completely. After catching my breath I push his pants and boxers down just below his ass, his large erection springing free.

"Take me, take me now," I beg him as I then hop up on the dresser that is against the wall of our bedroom. I then fully open my robe, essentially offering myself to him.

Within seconds he pulls me to the edge of the dresser as I wrap my legs around him. He pushes the fabric of my underwear aside and buries himself deeply into me with one fast stroke. We both cry out loudly. Tobias slipping his hand into my hair at the base of my neck and holds me close to him.

We lock eyes as he pumps in and out of me. Making it even more erotic is how the mirror that is attached to the dresses knocks against the wall with each time he thrusts into me.

"Tris! I love you baby, so much!" he yells before leaning down to take my nipple into his mouth. I bite my lower lip as clench around his dick, "I'm close again," I whisper.

"Are you now? Let's see what I can do about that." He smiles, watching me again as his fingers touch my bundle of nerves. As the wave of pleasure crashes through me his hands hook under both of my knees as he pulls me towards him, "Tris! Put your hands back on the dresser top for support." I gasp as I realize Tobias is lifting my butt off the dresser as his thrusts become harder and faster. My arms support me as Tobias takes me eagerly. "Oh, Tobias! Please don't stop!" I whimper as I can feel myself starting to build up again.

"I love you, Tris! I love you so much!" he yells as he climaxes and releases his seed into me. I climax around him again, a shudder as I can feel his cock pulsating inside of me. My arms shake as he sets me back down on the dresser. We are both breathing heavily.

I smile at him as I slip off my underwear that are now sopping wet from both of our fluids. Tobias pushes his pants and boxers all the way down as well.

He kisses me sensually and pulls me into the bathroom, "Take a quick shower, I will be right in to join you. I'm going to wash our underwear so we can hang them up to dry for tomorrow."

I smile at him and step into the shower, and true to his word he does join me. We enjoy a nice shower together, laughing and kissing. I am shocked when he is immediately aroused again.

I bite my lip, "While we are in here, do you want me to help you with this?" I say as my fingertips gently touch his shaft, it twitches in response. He smiles and says we should save it for the bed.

/XO/

We lay down to sleep, we decided to just sleep with no clothes. I never did find that sleep shirt.

++o++

Sometime in the middle of the night Tobias wakes me for another round. I hum sleepily but then feel immediately awake at the prospect of making love again. We hug and kiss and he caresses me.

We hug and kiss and he caresses me

He tells me he needs me. Our coupling starts slow, and then I feel a tremendous desire for him to really take me. I want him to be rough.

/XO/

"Tobias, please...take me, take me hard. I need you," I beg, as I slide my own hand down and rub his balls while he is inside of me. He sharply inhales and bites his lip.

"Hold on to the bed frame above you, and don't let go, Tris." He instructs me.

Still laying on my back, I nod and look above me, reaching my hands upward as I grab the metal railing of the bed frame. He moves to kneel in front of me, his ass resting on his hamstrings, while facing me. I am in awe as he confidently moves my legs up, my knees pointing to the ceilings and then rests my legs either side of his thighs. Essentially completely opening my core to him. He stares at me, watching my every reaction. Tobias moves even closer to me and grabs me by the thighs and holds me tightly as he slowly begins thrusting into me.

"Is this ok, Tris?" he asks roughly, I hear the strain in his voice. He is trying to control himself, his desire to take me is completely in check.

I nod my head and beg him to take me hard. Our eyes meet, his gaze intense with desire. He begins thrusting as he moves to lean over me just a little, which changes the angle of his penetration. Which each rough thrust his hands on my thighs pulls me towards him and then we both push back towards the wall. I'm holding onto the metal bed frame for dear life as my arms allow me to push away from it as Tobias strokes in and out. It is the only thing that keeps my head from hitting it. I cry out as my orgasm rips through me. Tobias is moaning and just pounding into me, which is what I needed from him. He is very vocal, and I see he has a fine sheet of sweat on him. He screams out my name when his orgasm hits.

/XO/

He collapses on the bed next to me and pulls me tightly to him. We are both covered in a fine sheen of sweat. "Tris, baby...are you, was that OK? Not too...rough?"

I try to steady my own breathing then kiss his lips gently. "I love when we go slowly and you show me what I mean to you...but sometimes I just want you to take me hard, and make me feel like we are the only two people on the planet. I really liked trying...something different with you."

I feel my cheeks burning. He kisses my forehead, "I also like trying new things with you, Tris. I've never tried that, I am glad you liked it too. That was...intense."

Tobias then looks at me seriously. "I love you so much. Always."

I sit up and rest my chin on his chest. "I promise I will always love you, please trust that," I whisper.

Tobias smiles. "I know. I feel the same way about you."

We say goodnight, again. And fall into deep sleep while holding each other.

Tomorrow we face off against James.

Tonight is about us.

++o++ Chapter End ++o++


	21. Chapter 21: James Wilton

Chapter 21: James Wilton

Date: Two months, and one week+ since Tris was found

^^ The next day ^^

*Tobias POV*

My eyes are closed as I enjoy the feeling of Tris's body lying on top of me, I'm still catching my breath after our last round this morning. Her lips leisurely kiss my jaw, my neck, and my collarbone. When she gently rubs her nose across my jaw I feel a warmth in my chest. I try to remember a moment from my past that I have ever felt so loved. I can't think of one because it doesn't exist.

I am drifting back to sleep when I feel a wetness creeping down my neck, instantly pulling me from any thoughts of rest.

I crane my neck to look down at Tris. I'm unable to see her face that is buried in my neck. I realize that she must be crying, the wetness being her tears. My heart clenches, but I also know that I need to be strong for her.

I kiss her forehead and hold her tighter to me, alerting her that I'm awake again.

"Hey." I whisper into her hair as I kiss the top of her head.

Tris wipes at her face with her free hand and then reaches up and kisses my lips slowly.

"You can talk to me, you don't have to hide your tears...I want to take care of you, Tris." My voice thick with emotion. She nods, reaching up to stroke my cheek.

I grin at her mischievously and her eyes become bright with anticipation.

"Before any serious conversations, we need a shower to start our day." I tease as I roll us both out of bed, then swiftly scoop her up and throw her over my shoulder.

She squeals with delight, laughing and demanding that I put her down. I tell her to be patient, I am going to make sure she has the most amazing shower ever.

++o++

"So we are in agreement?" Tris pushes me for an answer as I am chewing on leftover pizza for breakfast. I nod my head in a yes. I know that time is almost up, and I need to man up. I can't keep demanding how I want things to be, I have to work with the problem at hand.

I may lose Tris today. If we can't manage to outsmart James...she will start a new life with him. With him and our child.

"Tobias, I adore you. You have to know how much I want to be with you, to raise our baby together. I don't want to be his prisoner, which is what life with him would be...I'm absolutely terrified at the thought. I want to believe we will outsmart him, and that things will work out for us. I just have to make sure we are clear...I can't and won't leave our son with that monster alone. Please tell me you understand..." she whispers, I can hear the devastation in her voice.

I hold her hands, "I get it. But I will never stop fighting for you, I will never stop looking for you. Even if we lose today...please don't forget about me. I can't lose you forev-"

"Tobias Eaton! Is that what you think, that I am just going to accept my fate and go make a happy home with James?! I will never stop trying to save the baby and get the hell away from him." she kisses me firmly on the lips, "I know that we belong together, I belong with you...only you."

"Just like I belong with you, Tris. You are the only one for me." I kiss her lips, and then her jaw, and then I put a wet kiss on her neck.

We then hold each other, me wishing this moment would never end.

I clear my throat, "I texted Zeke last night right when I got home. I asked him to get Amar and meet us at the control center thirty minutes before we are meeting the entire team."

"We may as well walk over together, we all have rooms in this floor. If we are going to do some early strategizing we should include Johanna as well. Out of everyone, she may know James the best," Tris says, her voice choking on his name.

I know this is hard for her, if I could carry this for her I would.

But James only wants Tris. He is obsessed with her, and her alone.

++o++

Our group is moving through the bureau halls. Amar, Tris and Johanna are walking ahead and talking over the research Amar did last night. There is some kind of edible tracking device that may help us.

I am lost in thought as I walk behind the group, I find myself watching Tris. I am trying to commit her every movement, mannerism, her voice to my memory. Preparing myself for the worst.

Zeke walks next to me. "You know, I have to admit I'm a little surprised this morning."

I glance at him, his low tone alerting me he doesn't want anyone else to hear our conversation, "About what?"

Zeke gets the biggest grin on his face. "I am shocked that Tris is able to walk this morning, after the epic pounding you gave her last night, in the middle of the night, and numerous times this morning...I mean...I don't know how I will ever look at you the same way again, Four."

My face is flaming red, I can't believe I am having this conversation. I nervously look around again. Tris and the others are deep in conversation, not paying any attention to us.

"Zeke..." I warn, as a smirk touches my lips. All the years of listening to Zeke's tales of sex and passion...it seems it is my turn.

"Four, man. All I can say is wow - I have to give you credit, the way you both were carrying on, you obviously have mad skills. From what I heard, your woman was very satisfied. Wow, who knew a shy Abnegation girl could be so vocal during what was obviously amazing sex.

"I know, from my own personal experience of course, when a satisfied woman completely loses control she will scream out the most random things. You know you are doing it right when your lady screams out her gratitude."

Zeke laughs good heartedly as he slaps me on the back, as though to congratulate me.

My face is flaming red now, my palms are clammy with fear that someone will hear him teasing me. Tris would be mortified.

"I'm just glad I was in the room next to you, and not someone...like Johanna for example!" Zeke bursts out laughing at his joke.

I groan loudly. I think I would sacrifice myself to James if Johanna, my boss, had heard us last night.

After Zeke is done laughing, he looks at me and smiles seriously. He clears his throat, "Look Four, I just want to say...I'm really happy for you. I know I had an attitude about Tris coming back, and how she hurt you. I see it now, you really love her. Like...love of your life, kind of love. You deserve to be happy...and she is it."

I glance at Zeke and nod. I know that's the closest I'll ever get to an apology for some of the things he had to say about how I handled her return... some of the things he had to say about Tris herself.

"But for the record, I am still in complete shock. This may take me a really long time to get over. So don't get mad if you see me just start suddenly laughing at you randomly...I mean wow." Zeke seems to be thinking before he continues, "Do you eat a special diet? From what I heard, your stamina was also quite impressive. I have coached you and shared my personal experiences for years now, so I will take some pride in what I heard last night. If you have some kind of secret, I expect you to return the favor and tell me...."

As I listen to Zeke continue on I can't help but smile at him, he's my best friend. Not that it's needed, but I'm glad that he can see how amazing Tris is. The bottom line, she is everything to me.

Everything.

++o++

The conference room is full of people, we have representatives from different groups. Even Janice, the director of the orphanage, is here. We've been going over the plan and poking holes for an hour now. The video said that Tris had until ten this morning to make her decision, we expect to hear from James at that time. We assume he will give her instructions then.

Amar has been working closely with his contact in research and development. There is a government project that is so new that it has not been presented to leadership yet; therefore, James nor Johanna in their current roles have heard of it.

We are counting on James and his team not knowing anything about it.

It's a new tracking system that is ingested and will allow us to keep track of the subject for up to twelve hours. Although the concept is not new, the system specifications that allow the device to be tracked are. In this system there will be a signal from a transmitter to activate the electronic component located within the digestive tract of the subject. The subject being Tris, of course. The plan is to be able to track Tris until she reaches James, with the hope that JJ will be with him. Then, we can extract both of them and take James into custody.

"Excuse me, Tris and Tobias...may I have a word with you two?" Janice asks.

Tris and I exchange a look, and then nod. We follow Janice out of the conference room. She leads up to the nursery where JJ stayed. She pauses for a moment before pulling open a diaper bag that she had sitting in JJ's crib.

"I hope we have not overstepped our bounds, but since Tris will hopefully be seeing the baby...we wanted to pack some of his favorite things." Janice says while pulling the diaper bag open and showing us some key things.

I am frozen as I watch the two women go over JJ's things: pacifiers, two small stuffed animals, and some outfits, among other things. When Janice begins to fold the blue whale blanket I feel Tris tense next to me.

"No. Not the blanket!" Tris cries.

Janice looks startled as Tris takes the blanket out of her hands.

"I want Tobias to keep this, this blanket...I can smell the baby on it. Right?" Tris holds up the blanket for Janice to smell. Janice just nods her head in agreement. She then turns her gaze to me and shakes her head sadly.

"Why don't I give you both some time alone..." Janice says while quietly slipping out of the room.

I grab the blanket Tris offers to me, I remember finding Tris in this room crying as she buried her face into this thing yesterday. I smell it, trying to imagine my son holding it.

"When we get our son back, I want you to give him his blanket then. Deal?" she whispers while sliding her arms around me.

"Deal," I say in a reassuring tone.

I lean down and kiss her lovingly, as she holds on to me as though she is afraid I will slip away.

When I am the one who should be worried.

++o++

We are all gathered in the conference room when James's second video transmission arrives. I am expecting another performance on his part, more dramatics. More insults and emotional blackmail. But he surprises us all again.

The video is less than twenty-seconds long, it merely tells Tris were to meet, that she has exactly thirty minutes to arrive and she needs to go alone. He is very calm and factual, if she breaks his rules he will take baby JJ and leave. She will never see the baby again.

++o+ Video Ending +o++

James smiles one last time into the camera. "You probably noticed that the baby is not with me today. I know you wanted to see him. I can assure you that JJ is safe, but let's just say this is motivation for you, Tris. If you want to see JJ today, or any other day - - you will pick us. I love you, I hope to see you soon."

++o+ Recording Ends +o++

Before the video is over the team is frantically pulling up bureau schematics, analyzing the meeting point James has set up for Tris. They quickly let us know it would take Tris approximately ten minutes to walk there as well, so we don't actually have the full thirty minutes to strategize.

Or to say goodbye.

Amar yells for everyone to stop and listen, "Ok, this is it. We all know the plan. Tris has swallowed the tracking device, we just activated it now as it will only work for twelve hours. The clock is ticking, in order for this plan to work we must neutralize James Wilton and get Tris and the baby back in time."

Everyone is quiet.

I suddenly feel Zeke's hand on my shoulder, I look over and raise my eyebrows.

"Four, Amar and I are worried about you. We just want you to know we are your friends, and we have your back. Whatever you need - we are here. We will help you get through this, whatever 'this' ends up being." Zeke says, I can hear the concern in his voice.

I smile at him and nod. I don't know how I am going to make it through this if we fail.

"Don't just stand around, go! Go! Go! Let's move people, if you have a problem yell it out." Amar bellows.

Zeke and I share a look, I'm sure we are both having flashbacks to our initiation with Amar as our instructor. Wow, it is surreal listening to Amar now. He is as hardcore as ever.

Dauntless initiation. Meeting Tris for the first time. My first jumper. The Ferris wheel. My fear landscape. The chasm. Breaking simulations. I'll be her family now. Amity. Peace serums. Erudite. The bureau. Genetically Pure and Damaged. The room with the couch. The atrium.

Losing her. Dying on the inside. Almost wiping myself away.

Settling in order to move on.

Her return from the dead, all the pain, misunderstandings, the betrayals and secrets...

A baby, our son.

A mission.

A love that could never die.

And now here we are.

Saying goodbye to each other.

"Tobias?" Tris whispers while placing her hand on my back. I fight to push the devastation away before I face her, so she won't feel it too.

"Hey," I pull her close to me, running my fingers through her hair, I hate the way her body trembles in my arms.

"Tobias, you only have a few minutes before Tris needs to leave. Why don't you walk her to the front door, you will have more privacy there," Johanna encourages us.

Tris nods her head and gives Johanna a hug, she quickly waves to the boys before she quickly walks out of the room. It's obvious Tris is holding on by a thread. I nod at Johanna, Zeke, and Amar before I follow her.

At the door where we will say our goodbyes Tris drops the baby bag with JJ's things to the ground and throws her arms around me. I hold her tightly.

She rests her head on my shoulder and I hold her as I rub her back

She rests her head on my shoulder and I hold her as I rub her back.

I clear my throat, knowing we don't have a lot of time. "Tris, look at me." I feel her nod as she moves to stand in front of me. Her eyes meet mine, they are shining with tears.

"I have so much I want to say to you, but there isn't time. I just..." I pause to pull myself together, "I need you to remember, no matter what happens from here on out, I need you to know that I will always love you." I bite my lip painfully to stop the sob that is fighting to escape.

"I will love you forever, Beatrice Prior," I whisper as I gently lean closer to her for a kiss. She cries as my lips crash to hers. Our lips move together lovingly, I pull her close.

"There's more I need to say, Tris...please listen," I beg, she nods her head encouraging me to speak.

"If things don't work out...I'm begging you, please make sure our child knows that I love him, and I am so sorry that I couldn't save you both. Let him know that I loved him so much, that he is literally the only person on this earth that I would give you up to save. I know you need to leave me, to leave behind what we have, to save our son." Tris is sobbing now, her shoulders shaking, I grab her face and kiss her forehead. "You are so brave, and strong, I know you are really the one who is sacrificing the most. I see it, and I respect you for it. Thank you, thank you for putting me and our baby first."

"Oh, Tobias!" Tris weeps, "I love you, I never stopped loving you, ever!"

I kiss her again, hard. I kiss her knowing that we only have moments left. I kiss her as though my own life is ending.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." Tris mumbles.

"Sorry? For what?" I ask, confused.

"When I first came back, I...I just couldn't...and now...I'm so sorry for all of the time that we lost. Time that we could have been together, loving each other. Time we could have been happy..." Tris bites her lip as tears stream down her cheeks. She looks so sad and apologetic.

"Stop. You have nothing to apologize for. We can't turn back time, we both needed to go through what we needed to go through. I love us, just as we are. Ok? Promise me you are going to let our past mistakes go," I demand.

Tris nods, "Ok, I promise."

We hear Amar yell over to us that time is up. Tris needs to head out.

We look deeply into each other's eyes before we kiss goodbye. I pour all of the love that I feel into that kiss.

As the kiss ends I pull her close to me one last time

As the kiss ends I pull her close to me one last time. "Be brave, Tris," I whisper, before I let her go.

"You too. Be brave, Tobias," she whispers as she caresses my face.

"I love you," she finishes.

"I love you, too," I say as she steps away from me and walks out the door.

I don't know how long I stand there, staring at the closed door. The selfish part of me prays she will change her mind, and she will run back to me. She will tell me that she can't leave me, and we will need to find another way.

That doesn't happen.

She doesn't come back.

+++o+++

+++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++

*Tris POV*

I wipe the tears that fall down my face as I walk through the halls. I hold the map that one of Amar's peers wrote up for me. James is having me walk to an area of the bureau that is currently very busy, it is the leadership medical ward. Part of his instructions were that I act normal and confide in no one. I also know that our team is watching me on the bureau cameras.

I know Tobias will be watching. I straighten my shoulders, I need to be brave. It's the last promise I made to him.

God, I love him so much. The last few days have been extraordinary. The way in which we have connected emotionally and physically. Not that the two can be separated for us. I have never felt as alive as I did while in his arms, especially during our most passionate moments.

At least while I'm still in the public areas of the bureau I feel safe. I breathe in and out to calm my nerves. As much terror that I feel at the knowing I will see James soon...I am so anxious to see the baby.

I need to see my son, I am desperate to meet and hold him. Please let him be ok.

As I arrive to the location James specified, I stand still and hold the weight of the baby bag against my hip. The bag that possesses my child's favorite things, according to Janice. I wouldn't know.

I check my watch, I made it to the checkpoint with five minutes to spare. Suddenly a teenager walks up to me and asks me what my name is.

"Tris," I answer.

The girl looks relieved and nods, she hands me a folded sheet of paper before running off. The directions are clear - instructing me to enter the medical ward and check in using the name "JJ Ours". I am to complain of stomach pains and insist I need immediate medical attention.

I look at the camera in the corner of the hallway, I move so that I am holding the paper within clear view. I'm hoping that the team will be able to read it and see what my next steps are.

I breathe in and out before entering the clinic.

It's now or never.

++o++ Hours Later ++o++

"Darling...darling, it's time to wake up. It's safe now," I hear a man's voice saying. For a moment I am so tired, I just want to keep my eyes closed.

Then reality sets in, it's James!

I gasp and fight to sit up, I feel frantic.

"Tris, it's alright. Shhhhhhh. You are fine. I had to make sure you weren't followed. But we're OK now." James says, his voice sickeningly reassuring.

"Where are we?! Where is the baby?" I gasp while looking around frantically. We are in some kind of theater?

"James, what is this place?" I mumble as I look around. It is beautiful, although run down. I can tell it is abandoned. I look out into the stadium seating, rows and rows and red velvet seats.

James and I are on the stage, I had been laying on a couch that is situated towards the back

James and I are on the stage, I had been laying on a couch that is situated towards the back. I look around me, the décor is stunning. I look down at the empty orchestra pit, instead of chairs for the musicians to play it is full of debris. The paint on the walls and ceilings is peeling but it is easy to see what a stunning artistic example this had once been. The vaulted ceilings and tapestries remind me of a Venetian palace. There is an odd smell, it reminds me of mothballs and a musky odor. I close my eyes as I attempt to calm myself.

"This place is just temporary, my love. Until we can safely move our little family to our new home," James whispers in my ear. I control myself from shaking.

Having him this close to me makes me feel sick now.

"James, please...I want to see the baby. You promised if I choose you..." I plead.

"Tris! Enough! I know you want to see our son, but I would like you first to convince me that you are also here to see me. To be with me!" his voice raises, I hear his annoyance starting to rise.

I just close my mouth and wait. I know there is no reasoning with him.

James's face softens, he gently leans in to kiss my lips. I force myself to stay still.

Having his lips on me makes my stomach turn.

"James, my head hurts...what happened to me?" I demand.

"I needed to make sure that no one followed you, I still have connections all over the bureau. When you checked in under the alias I gave you...well, let's just say you were made to rest comfortably until I could extract you from the clinic."

My mind is racing, how long has passed?! The tracking device I swallowed would only work for twelve hours...

"What time is it James?" I whisper.

"Right now? It's the middle of the night, about two am...I know you must be so tired." He says as he gently strokes my hair.

In that moment I realize that my time is up. They activated the device at ten am, it would lose its effectiveness at ten pm the same day.

I am trapped. No one is coming for me. Time is up.

Tobias is not coming. No one is.

"Tris, I love you. I've always loved you. Please let me explain all the lies, I know we can still be happy together." James cries frantically.

I frown. How he can possibly think he would justify all these lies? I am only here because he threatened my child.

"You knew I had a son, you kept him hidden from me! I'll never get back the time you stole from me. How can you possibly explain this?!" I stammer.

James huffs and rolls his eyes at me. I control the strong urge I have to slap his face.

"This project is important, it's so much bigger than us. I don't have time to go into the details about the research... but I never expected to fall in love with you. You were an assignment, but please don't fixate on that." He says as though trying to ease my worries. "I love you, Tris. Never doubt that."

I just frown while waiting for him to continue.

"JJ is so special, his genetic makeup is extraordinary. We discovered this before he was even born, while he was still growing inside of you. JJ, of all the children, became the most important to the project. Which made you special, your future, your offspring are crucial to our research. So I had to learn more about you. I studied you. I wanted to know who you were." James looks lost in thought. As though remembering a special time.

"All of the footage, all of the obstacles you overcame, your Divergence made you so much more than the pathetic people around you. Seeing your relationship with Tobias...I knew I could give you more. He was below you, he still is. As crazy as it sounds, before JJ was delivered...I had fallen in love with you, Tris. I knew you and I belonged together, we would be a family with JJ and our future children." James finishes, looking at me expectantly.

"How dare you? You say you love me, yet you kept my baby from me! Do you not see how sick you are!?" I spit at him.

"I regret nothing! You weren't ready to be a mother to JJ. You should be able to admit that to yourself. You were so heartbroken and sad about that degenerate and his backstabbing slut...you were in no position...Ugh!" He takes a moment to roughly run his fingers through his hair, "This conversation is ridiculous!" James yells at me.

I frown at him, he seems so unhinged.

"I promise you, I always intended to bring your child back to you. He is the most amazing baby, he deserves a wonderful mother and father, and that is us!" he says forcibly. As though trying to convince us both.

"I want to meet my baby, and I want to see him now!" I cry. "Please, James."

James face softens, he nods his head while standing. "Let's see him, but he is sleeping. I don't want you to wake him."

He leads me to a hallway off the stage, to a room that I would guess used to be a dressing room for actors. There is a pack n play set up in the corner. My heart is beating in my chest, my son...

James slips his hand in mine and leads me over the baby. Tears fill my eyes, as much as my heart aches for Tobias...I need to see my child. Make sure he is ok.

The baby is sleeping soundly, laying on his back with his sweet little mouth slightly open as he breathes in and out. I see the two toys Janice gave me in his little crib with him. The ones I had packed in the diaper bag.

He is so beautiful, and my heart soars with love as I see how much he does look like Tobias.

The man I love.

"Please, I am begging you, let me hold him. Please!" I plead with James.

He bites his lips while thinking it over and then finally nods.

I reach down and pick up the sleeping baby, I hold my son to me and kiss his little face. I love him so much. I look behind me and see an open chair, I sit and hold the baby.

I stare at the baby and watch him sleep. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I sadly think about how Tobias should be here with me. We were so close to reaching our son together. But we were too late, the baby had been kidnapped before we arrived. We were less than an hour too late.

I wipe the tears away, my heart aching.

"Why are you crying, Tris?" James asks coldly.

I look up at him startled, his face suddenly very dark. I furrow my brows, what the hell does he want from me? Does he want me to cheer and sing about all of this?

"Answer me. That was not a rhetorical question, Tris," James snaps, his voice raising.

The baby stirs in my arms, I quickly lock eyes with James. Seeing what he will do next.

Is this going to be his parenting style, berating me in front of the baby?!

His face softens when he looks at JJ. He stands up and quietly walks over to me and takes the baby out of my arms. I feel an instant ache in my heart. He kisses the baby before placing him back in the pack n play and then put his finger to his lips, motioning for me to be quiet.

I nod, I don't want to make a scene in front of JJ. I don't want to scare him.

James offers me his hand and waits expectantly. As much as it kills me, I place my hand in his and let him lead me out of the room.

Once we are back to the main stage area James roughly grabs my elbow and whirls me around. "Now, I will ask you again. Why were you crying?" he says coldly.

"Does it matter why?" I snap.

His eyes narrow. "When I invited you here, to be with JJ and I...it wasn't so you could be mouthy and act up. You'd better behave Tris...or there will be consequences."

I scowl at him, "Consequences?! You mean more consequences than what I am already dealing with?! Having to be here with you! You lying, conniving snake!"

James reaches and grabs my wrist, his grip is painfully tight. I yelp in pain, and then my Dauntless training kicks in, I relax my wrist and break free of his grip by twisting his thumb. His thumb being the weakest part of his grip.

"Don't you dare touch me, stay away!" I cry moving back from him.

We are now standing towards the front of the main stage. I want to draw him away from the baby, as scared as I am - - I don't want him to upset JJ.

"Not touch you? Don't you get it, Tris? Your ass belongs to me. In every way! I own you," James laughs at me.

"You are a monster! I don't know how I was so blind before, but you are deranged," I cry, I feel a panic bubbling inside of me.

"I tried to be patient with you, I wanted to do things the right way. I showered you with love, I respected you, I wanted to make you happy...I really did. But you know what? That bullshit hasn't gotten me anywhere with you." A devious look crosses his face. "As far as I am concerned, I'm done waiting for you. We will get married right away. There is no point waiting anymore. We are going to consummate this marriage right now," he says while lunging at me.

I drop a folding chair in between us to slow him down as I step back.

As he is about to lunge for me again I turn to run and he catches my hair and pulls forcibly. I howl in pain as he drags me towards the folding table that had been by the chair I just threw in front of him.

"I love you, Tris! I've always loved you. We are meant to be. Why can't you see it too!?" He growls at me.

Suddenly James has me pinned down to the table, one hand digging into the back of my neck to hold me down, his other hand twisting my arm behind my back in order to keep me in place. I feel sick when I feel his body press me even closer against the table.

"I am tired of this crap! Do you think I wanted this?! Do you! I have never had to force a woman in my entire life, women throw themselves at me!" James screams as he twists my arm further causing me to scream in pain.

"Look at what you are making me do, Tris!" he screams at me.

"Stop, please stop. You are hurting me, James!" I beg.

"You are mine. You will always be mine. We can either do this the easy way or we will do this the hard way. But you are going to be my wife, you belong to me!" James screams at me. I am amazed that JJ has not woken up.

We hear a door open from the back entrance of the theater. James looks startled as he tries to see who it is.

"You bastard! Get the hell away from her! Right now." Tobias screams. His eyes filled with rage as he seems me pinned against the table with James hovering over me.

"Tobias!" I cry, a tremendous relief and joy washes over me.

"I'm here, Tris! Are you ok, did he hurt you?" Tobias demands to know.

"I'm ok!" I tell him.

"The rest of the team is coming, Amar slipped a tracker in one of JJ's toys! There was a mandatory check point to get access to this abandoned part of the bureau, they would only let one unarmed-person go ahead without clearance." Tobias says as he steps closer to us. "It's over, James. Let her go."

James eyes narrow, his face filling with rage at the sight of Tobias.

"We're ok, the baby is here! He is sleeping in the back!" suddenly James grabs me up from the table and start to shake me violently. As though I were a rag doll. I yelp in shock.

"How dare you talk to him about our baby?! Damn it, Tris!" James screeches while still shaking me.

Abruptly we all crash to the ground as Tobias tackles us. He yells for me to get out of the way.

Tobias and James are now fighting as I roll to move away from them. I am stunned at how evenly they seemed to be matched. Both men getting in punches and kicks. I'm terrified for Tobias. James is taunting him, but I can't make out their words. Tobias looks furious as James then laughs at him.

I look around for something, anything that will help me to stop James. But aside from the couch I had been laying on, the stage floor is essentially empty. The flimsy chair I had just used to trip James is useless.

Tobias and James are both getting in punches as they move around the stage floor while fighting. It happens so fast. James reaches for something that was tucked into the couch cushions I had been sleeping on...he tasers Tobias with a small handheld device. Tobias drops to the ground, writhing on the ground making pained sounds.

"Tobias!" I scream frantically. I am devastated and scared for him. I run to him and cradle his head in my lap. Tears now streaming down my face. His eyes are closed as his body convulses. I kiss his forehead and pray for him to be ok.

"I can't believe I didn't see this until right now...you fucking slut," James says coldly from across the stage.

I am startled at his tone and his words, my eyes widen as I look over to him. I am still not leaving Tobias's side as I stroke his hair.

"I see it all over your face, and his too. You have been whoring yourself out to him, haven't you?! When did you start fucking him Tris, tell me!" James screams at me.

He is screaming obscenities at me as he walks to the side of the room. I am crying and begging Tobias to be ok, I stroke his hair and kiss his cheeks.

"Tris..." he groans quietly. "I love you, you have to run. Grab the baby and run."

I look over my shoulder, I see that James is looking through some kind of box. He is still cursing, mostly derogatory obscenities about me.

"I can't leave you here, I can't. I love you, Tobias," I whisper.

Tobias is able to sit up with my help, but he still has not recuperated enough to stand or walk. I help support him as I wrap my arms around him. I close my eyes and rest my head against his.

"I can tell by just looking at you, that you have been screwing him! While we are supposed to get married and be a family with our son! How could you? You are mine!" James is screaming at me now.

Tobias flinches, his eyes narrowing as he stares at James. I watch as Tobias frantically tries to gain control of his body again, but the shock from the taser James used is still affecting him.

"That baby, is not yours! You stole him from me, you literally had him ripped out of my body you bastard! That is my child with Tobias, nothing you can do or say will ever change that!" I hiss at him.

"Shut the hell up, Tris. When I kill Tobias that should help you to fall in line!" James laughs as he approaches us slowly, I see he has a large knife in his hand. My eyes widen in horror.

"No! Please, just stop! Get away from us!" I sob moving in front of Tobias to protect him.

James stops in his tracks, watching me put myself in front of Tobias in order to protect him. He glares at me, his face red with rage.

I've never seen him look so angry.

"I'm giving you a choice Tris, and you need to decide fast. You either let me kill Tobias, or I kill your precious baby. But there is no way in hell you get to keep both," James says sadistically.

I sob in horror at the decision in front of me. I can't decide, I can't live without either of them.

"Fine, you made your decision, Tris. I see it now, you will never stop chasing Tobias. Ever. You are pathetic. So I will take the baby out of the equation. There is no way you and your perfect little family are going to get happily ever after!" James says coldly.

He looks at me one last time, waving the knife at me and begins walking towards the back room where we left JJ sleeping.

"No!" I scream as I jump up to chase him.

It is as if James knew what I would do, as I catch up to him he turns around and backhands me with so much force that my head snaps back and I crumple to the floor. I am laying in a heap, unable to focus my eyes or move.

"Tris! Get the hell away from her!" Tobias yells frantically, he is still unable to walk.

James starts laughing as he bends over my body, "You stupid bitch, I underestimated your love for that damaged-loser. As if I would ever kill my own baby. But thank you for leaving Tobias unprotected. Say goodbye to him, Tris. This ends now!"

I lay on the ground, the room is spinning and I can't focus my eyes, but I heard James. I gasp for air, "James, no. Leave him alone...please."

James ignores me completely, his focus on Tobias now.

I watch as Tobias is still unable to move because of the shock of the taser, James moves slowly and menacingly towards him.

I try to focus my eyes, James hit me so hard but I need to get up. I must.

As I see him kneel on the floor, now looming over Tobias, he laughs, "Just know, I am going to make love to Tris after I kill you. On this very stage next to your dead body. It will be a good lesson for her to learn. She will obey me from here on out. She is mine, she has always been mine!" James then slowly raises the knife as though to cherish the kill, I find my strength.

I don't think, I just run as fast as I can and knock into James from behind. I just needed to get him away from Tobias before he could stab him.

It is then I hear the most horrific sounds. I look up, immediately realizing my mistake.

To my horror both Tobias and James fell into the Orchestra pit of the theater. The screams I hear are terrible, my blood runs cold.

Tobias...

What have I done?!

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	22. Chapter 22: No Room For Fear

Last Chapter of Part II

Chapter 22: No Room For Fear

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Disclaimer:

This chapter includes mature adult themes. Topics include depression, suicide, as well as adult consensual sexual situations.

At the start and end of the adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: /XO/

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter 22: No Room For Fear

Date: Mid-April +o++ Baby is 6 ½ months old

Quote:

I want to wake up every single day and be the best version of me. There is no room for fear. Zero.

~ Shailene Woodley

^^ Moments Later ^^

*Tris POV*

The horrific screams continue, they are so animalistic that I can't recognize who is making the noise. When I shoved James to stop him from stabbing Tobias, both men fell into the Orchestra pit opening that is in the floor of the stage.

I am too scared to look, but I realize I have to face what I have done. I close my eyes and quickly count to five in order to calm myself, praying Tobias is OK.

I must be brave.

I begin to crawl over to peer into the orchestra pit. It is full of debris and I immediately see that James fell face down, he was impaled through his chest and legs. I can see the tops of the metal and wood pieces that have pierced through him completely as the weight of his body fell onto them. It is a dreadful sight, one which I'll never forget.

His screams are no more, he has bled out.

James Wilton is dead. I killed him.

There is only silence now.

"Tobias?!" I cry, I don't see him anywhere. "Tobias, please?! Please be ok!"

I hear his cough, "Tris...I'm ok!" I sit down on the edge of the orchestra drop and weep with relief. Tobias is alive.

"Hold on! I'm coming down..." I yell as I begin to crawl to the side of the stage and find the stairs that line the wall of the orchestra pit. I have to carefully push my way through some debris in order to make it to the bottom.

He calls for me, and I keep pushing through until I finally reach him. He is right at the drop of the pit, he landed on a stack of rolled up carpets and fabrics and rolled down. I laugh when I see him, more of a hysterical laugh as I am so relieved that he is alive and mostly uninjured.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was!? I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I was so scared you were dead or hurt." I cry while looking him over, confirming that he has not been stabbed by James.

Tobias smiles at me, touching my face, "I'm ok, baby. I'm with you, I'll never leave you."

"James is dead, it's over. It's finally over," I whisper while crawling closer to Tobias, he nods at me.

"You saved my life, Tris," he murmurs as I check his head that is bleeding. My hands are shaking as I touch him, making sure he is real. Making sure he is alive and safe. I almost lost him today.

"I'm ok...thanks to you. You saved me. I love you," he finishes.

"And I love you," I whisper back.

I pull him into my arms and hold him. We made it.

Tobias is getting stronger with every moment that passes and asks me to help him stand.

"You need to meet your son, he is waiting for you," I say with emotion, tears filling my eyes.

"You need to meet your son, he is waiting for you," I say with emotion, tears filling my eyes

"Kiss me...please," Tobias demands.

Tears stream down my face as our lips meet. We are together, we are safe, and now we are going to see our child.

Together.

++o++

I have Tobias sit in the same chair I had used earlier. I make sure his arms are back to normal as I gently lift JJ from the pack n play. The baby stirs awake this time and gurgles and smiles. When he opens his eyes I feel as though I am staring into a mirror. I see my eyes in my son. The rest is all Tobias.

I kiss the baby on his cheek as I bring him to Tobias, gently situating him in his father's arms.

I stand back, my heart full of love. Watching Tobias hold our son is the most amazing experience I've ever imagined.

We are complete. We are safe. We have our baby.

++o++

++o++ ++o++ ++o++

++o++

*Tobias POV*

My son.

I look at the baby that is squirming in my arms, examining every inch of him that I can see. I love that he has her eyes. Looking at him, knowing that I will always be able to see part of her in this new person. I look past his eyes and smile to myself, this is definitely my child.

The files we hacked into already supported that he was conceived the night before our mission, the night before Tris "died". Holding him now, I can actually feel it in my heart. This little guy looks so much like me. I allow myself to wonder how Marcus and Evelyn felt holding me at his age. Were they happy then?

I know I could ask Evelyn, but I am afraid to open the door to painful memories. I want to move forward now. His little hands have a firm grip as he holds my finger tightly, I examine everything, even his tiny fingernails.

JJ was born on October 1st. Tris and the others were kept in comas for another four months, waking in February. So now our son is six-and-a-half months old. I frown at the realization that we have lost a little more than half of the first year of his life. I think over the video that Wilton recorded with his ultimatum for Tris, he was so comfortable, so at ease with my son.

I hate that bastard, I am glad he is dead. I am even glad he died in such a painful and horrific way. I will never forget the sounds of his last screams.

But then I look at the baby in my arms, it pains me to accept the truth. This little guy lost someone he loved today. Tears fill my eyes, remembering how James taunted me over his relationship with my son. During our final fight, he told me that just in the last couple of days JJ has started cooing the sounds "dada" for him. James promised me he would be good to JJ and Tris once I was gone for good.

The worst part, I knew he wasn't lying. My baby does love him, I saw it for myself on that video. James even named him for God's sake!

"Tobias, what is it?" Tris's voice cuts into my dark thoughts and she sits to kneel in front of us, her eyes full of concern. I purse my lips and nod my head to dismiss her question. She has been through so much already. When I walked in, seeing her pinned down to that table, it almost killed me. I felt as though I was reliving my worst nightmare and that any moment James would shoot her in the head the way that David always does in my dreams.

She places her hands on my knees and waits until I meet her eyes. "Please tell me, I can see that you are upset. No more secrets, remember?"

I nod, my stubbornness winning out. "It's stupid, I just want to forget about it. Please." I look at her pleadingly.

Tris chews on her lower lip, but she doesn't push it.

"I need to concentrate on our family right now," I whisper as I lean down, holding the baby between us as I gently kiss her.

She smiles at me after, and then leans in to kiss me firmly. I feel my heart race, pushing the negative thoughts aside...I realize this is the happiest I have ever been. I have the two people I love most in the world, by my side.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but where is everyone else? You once promised to protect me with your bare hands...but no gun seems a little extreme for this situation?" Tris asks in a teasing tone. I smile remembering the moment she must be thinking about, while in Amity I held her in my arms and promised to fight off her bad dreams – with my bare hands. My heart swells with love, we have come so far. Together.

I sigh and explain, "The tracker Amar put in one of JJ's toys, was set to activate when the twelve hours passed for the tracking device you ingested. James had you in the medical ward for hours, it was agony. I was desperate to pull you out when the time on your tracking device was almost up. But I knew deep down that if we pulled you out then, we would never find the baby. James was smart enough to keep you sedated and still until the middle of the night. Once the toy was on the move, we knew to wait until the tracking device was stationary. He went to a couple of different locations, we also didn't want to tip him off and move in too soon. It was torture, Tris."

I'm frustrated as I continue, "The device showed us this abandoned theater, we also knew that he couldn't possibly expect to keep you and the baby here forever. So we had to move quickly. This area of the bureau is rundown and abandoned, there had been a lot of crimes that happened here over the last few months. The bureau recently put measures in place to make this area inaccessible. We needed to get through a guarded checkpoint. Which was not as simple as you would assume."

I groan remembering my aggravation, "This project is still on the down low as not all the people we believe are involved have been apprehended. We also know that James and the other masterminds have connections in bureau law enforcement and government. No matter who you are - getting things to move at three AM is not an easy thing, even with Johanna's connections. Since it was so late, our group couldn't get cleared to pass fast enough!"

Tris frowns, as she squeezes my hand encouraging me to continue.

"Finally they agreed to let only one of us go past, and it had to be unarmed. It was me of course, I ran every step of the way. It almost killed me, seeing you pinned against that table..." my voice trails off.

Tris gasps, "Oh God, your nightmare about my death. You told me that David always has me pinned against a table before he kills me...."

I bite my lip and nod, looking down at the baby as he peacefully sleeps in my arms.

"You saved me, had you been any later...I think that James was planning to force himself on me. I will never be able to thank you enough, Tobias," she says.

"You saved me too, Tris."

Then we hear them, the team has entered the back of the theater, using the door I had entered earlier. I hand the baby to Tris, I slowly stand up, testing my limbs. I am still not fully recovered from the stun gun James used on me. "Lean on me, I'm stronger than I look," she assures me.

"I know you are, baby. I've always known." I drape my arm around her shoulders as we walk out of the dressing room.

"Let's go introduce them to our son," I say happily.

++o++

Johanna is especially taken with JJ, she offers to call ahead and make sure the suite we are staying is set up for the baby as well. She asks if we want the hotel to set up the baby's crib in the second bedroom or the master where we are sleeping. The deer in headlights look we both make is a clear indication we have no idea what to do next. Tris finally suggests in our room as it is going to be an adjustment for the baby while he gets used to his new surroundings and us.

Tris at least has some experience with babies from her time in Abnegation, often babysitting for other families in our faction. She is familiar with basics: diapering, bottle feeding, burping, etc. It is one thing to watch someone else's kids for two hours versus suddenly becoming a parent to an infant.

As I awkwardly hold JJ, I begin to feel overwhelmed. He won't stop fussing, Tris is being interviewed so I am alone with the baby. I know he has been changed and fed, Johanna helped me with that, while Zeke sat back and laughed. Amar just smiled a lot, but didn't say much. After getting us settled, everyone had a job to do so JJ and I were left alone.

It is the middle of the day and there is so much going on, it's not like I can just take the baby and go back to our room. And if I'm honest, I don't want to.

I am starting to feel stressed out. I love this kid, but what if I'm not enough? I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I cringe remembering how natural James was with him. I think back to the photo Janice provided us, James and JJ from three or four months ago.

Suddenly JJ start full on crying, I frown as I stand up to walk him around the lobby of the orphanage. It doesn't seem to be helping. Fuck, where the hell is Tris? I need her help with this.

"Tobias, may I?" Janice asks kindly from across the room. She has just stepped out of the toddler play room.

I release the air I had been holding and nod my head. As she takes him from me I see the warm smile that crosses her face. She kisses his head as she turns him to face her while pulling him close.

"JJ has had a rough couple of days, before two days ago he had never once left these rooms. Which is so sad if you think about it..." her voice trails off.

In the last days since meeting Janice, I swear the woman has aged right before my eyes. She is under a lot of stress and JJ isn't the only child she has to worry about.

"How's it going with the records cross-checking project?" I ask her, noting the way her shoulders immediately slump.

It was decided that before the coma victims were contacted, they needed to triple check each child to see who the mother was. That process is still underway. One of the first things Tris and I did was check the records for her two close friends. Michelle, who had two daughters before being abducted. Michelle was shown to have been part of the experiment that examined hormone fluctuation in accordance to certain drug administrations. The good news for her, although she was here for two years, they never had her carry a child.

Jessica was also cleared as she had just been held for three months before being released. Tris was relieved for them, as both are happily married...we knew it would be hard to present a child they didn't know existed and the father would be whomever the project was testing on that particular day.

"We are working hard. And we have made some positive matches, we aren't contacting the women until every child has been tested and then accounted for," Janice admits. "The original team that assisted the previous group of coma victims has been notified and is preparing to offer support. The only good news is that the people at the top have been apprehended. So this nightmare seems to be ending," Janice mumbles.

"And the bad news?" I ask, sensing there is more she is not telling me.

"The bad news...is that we have children in our care whose mothers were found in the morgue. We also have records of children that were born in the lab, the ones that didn't meet specifications for the testing were adopted out to unsuspecting families in different cities. This is going to be a painful mess to unravel." She says.

I notice while we were talking that JJ has fallen asleep while resting his head on her shoulder. He looks so peaceful now. Why couldn't he do that with me?

"Tobias, JJ has been through a lot. You have to be patient with him. But I promise you, he is an amazing baby and such a joy. You and Tris are very blessed to have him. Everything will work out." Janice says while studying me.

I quickly nod in agreement.

I wonder if she can sense that I feel as though the thread holding me together is about to snap. I look around to check the door that leads to the large medical ward, no sign of Tris. That's where they are doing the interrogations. My interrogation was hours ago, but was very short compared to how long Tris has been gone.

Janice begins walking and motions for me to follow her. We enter the nursery that was JJ's and I watch as she carefully lays JJ down to sleep on his back, placing a thin blanket over his legs. He looks so peaceful now.

I follow her out of the nursery while frowning. I don't know if I can do this. What if this kid never loves me? Then what?

Interrupting my thoughts, "Tobias, what can I do to help you? To help you and Tris?" Janice finishes.

I can't tell her what I am really afraid of: that James will always be my kid's "dada". I know it isn't logical, but I am freaking out.

I finally ask, "When Tris gets back, if you can help us learn about JJ. It will help us with the transition..."

She thinks that is a wonderful idea. She suggests I get some rest while JJ is napping, he usually takes a two hour nap. There is a large rocking glider in the nursery that I can sit on to at least rest my eyes. She reminds me that the cameras in this room are still functioning, in case I need to leave the room. There is no audio, so I need to pick up the phone by the door if I need assistance. JJ will be safe and under video surveillance.

She waves goodbye as I enter the dark nursery. I stand by his crib, watching my son sleep for a few moments before walking across the room to sit on the larger glider to rest, my eyes suddenly heavy as I fall asleep.

I stand by his crib, watching my son sleep for a few moments before walking across the room to sit on the larger glider to rest, my eyes suddenly heavy as I fall asleep

++o++

I wake up to Tris snuggled in my arms, we both fit perfectly into the rocking glider. She reaches up to kiss my jaw when she sees I am awake. I instantly feel my heartbeat increase. I haven't been able to be alone with her since we left the suite yesterday morning.

"Hey, sleepyhead. You finally woke up," she teases quietly. The room is dark since JJ is still sound asleep.

"When did you get back? It went ok?" I ask; I can't imagine her involvement would be seen as anything other than self-defense.

She nods her head, smiling while dismissing my concerns.

"You are quite the heavy sleeper, remind me to never count on you to wake up to a home intruder," Tris whispers teasingly and she peppers my jaw with kisses. "Amar and Zeke came in with me and we had a ten minute conversation, granted it was quiet because JJ is sleeping, but you didn't stir once!"

"Hey! I have literally been awake for almost forty-eight hours trying to save you. Not all of us had the luxury of a lunatic to sedate us so we could get a fourteen hour nap in," I tease back softly, neither one of us wanting to wake the baby.

I lean down and kiss her lips slowly, gently caressing her cheek. I am surprised when she firmly presses her lips to mine, deepening our kiss. She pulls away to look into my eyes for a moment, and then slips her hands into the top of my dress shirt, her fingers resting on the skin where my shoulder and neck meet. My skin tingles at the contact as she pulls me closer to her, her eyes shining with desire.

Our kisses begin slow and sensual, Tris then deciding to push my back into the chair while pushing her body closer to me. Enjoying as Tris takes the lead, I lean back and close my eyes savoring her passionate kisses and caresses. I smile thinking about how we have the rest of our lives to be together.

My eyes fly open when I suddenly feel her fingertips caressing the front seam of my pants. I am instantly aroused while also feeling panicked that someone could walk in.

"Tris...." I warn. "Um, what are you doing?" My voice squeaks at the end, I pause to clear my throat.

She playfully kisses my lips while simultaneously applying more pressure my dick that is now straining painfully against my pants. The way she is sitting with me, her hand is in between us where no could see if they walked in.

My heart racing, I whisper, "This room...it has a camera..." I lean down to suck on her neck. My mind is telling me to stop while my lust is pushing me onward, I am desperate for her. I almost lost her and holding her now, my need for her is overwhelming.

"I know, I'll never forget the video of James stealing JJ." I feel her tremble in my arms, I place my hand under her chin and kiss her forehead.

"He's gone. That bastard will never hurt you again," I say stiffly, even thinking about him makes me angry. Tris nods her head in agreement.

She then giggles mischievously while leaning over to pull a large throw from the arm of our chair, draping it over us. My heart rate already elevated, I moan with pleasure as her hand resumes touching me while she kisses me lovingly again. I roughly place my hand in her hair and hold her head still so my tongue can demand entrance.

The last of my resolve quickly leaving, "The baby, he's in the room...I mean...well he is asleep..."

Tris kisses me once firmly. "...and he is...you know, a baby," she teases. "Besides, I just want to fool around a little. We aren't going to have sex in this chair, Tobias."

"We aren't?!" I joke, acting wounded.

I shift her so she is sitting even closer to me while on my lap. I suck on her neck, finding the hollow between her collarbones I gently swipe the tip of my tongue teasing her. She whimpers and I feel her squeeze her legs tightly shut. I know she is feeling aroused as well, squeezing her core to relieve the pressure.

That's my job.

I push my hand between her legs, my fingertips able to vigorously stroke her over her tight pants. She immediately whimpers, kissing up and down my neck suddenly sucking on the skin. I instantly feel a pull in my groin.

Tris pauses to readjust herself on my lap, "I really want to straddle you right now...I am dying to feel you under me, against me."

I moan, "I'm dying to take you on the floor of this room right now. I need you."

Tris bites her lip, breathing in and out slowly. She slowly slides her hand away from my groin area and smoothly moves my hand that was pleasuring her away to rest on her hip. I watch her and wait, she's in charge. I know I will do anything she wants, or nothing at all. There has to be a bathroom around here somewhere that will give us privacy.

There has to be a bathroom around here somewhere that will give us privacy

"I may have not thought this all the way through..." she whispers as she slowly moves both of her hands slowly up my arms, then tenderly caressing both sides of my face.

"Tris," I say, realization hitting me, "you took off his ring." I pull her left hand to hold in my hand, the engagement ring is gone.

"Of course I did. You have to know, all this time...wearing that ring had nothing to do with love or loyalty." She sighs. "Can you even imagine if I had not been wearing his ring during that confrontation in the theater?!"

I can't bring myself to picture what he would have done to her if he saw she had discarded his ring. I believe he would have murdered her on the spot, probably while she was still in the medical ward.

I gulp loudly, "I understand. I'm just really happy to not have to look at it anymore. What did you do with it?"

Tris clears her throat, "Johanna had someone on her team look into to it, and the ring legally belongs to me. When James had it insured recently, I was listed as the owner."

I stiffen, trying to remember if she had told Zeke it was worth sixty or seventy thousand dollars. I frown and raise my eyebrows, "That's quite the gift to remember him by. Lucky you."

"Tobias, stop. I can actually feel your disappointment and judgement," she says firmly. "Lucky me? Are you kidding me with that bullshit?"

My heart pounds as I nod, she is right. That was uncalled for. "I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it."

"I haven't decided what I am going to do with the ring, but for now Johanna had paperwork drawn up and is allowing me to store it in her safety deposit box," Tris sighs. "I just couldn't wear it another minute, especially since I killed him."

"You did what you had to do," I remind her. "To protect your family. No one can blame you for that."

She nods as I kiss her forehead. I chuckle realizing my massive erection is completely gone now. Talk about a buzz kill.

She wrinkles her nose at me, the mood has passed for her as well. I just pull her closer to me as we snuggle on the glider. We have about an hour left in JJ's nap, so we decide to close our eyes as well. Tris falls asleep instantly, watch her peaceful face for a moment and then look across the room at our son sleeping soundly in his crib.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

++o++

I close and lock the door to our suite.

"Wow." I gulp, plopping down on the couch next to Tris.

She is shaking her head from side to side. "Yeah....wow."

I look over at her, she looks as freaked out as I feel. JJ is sitting on her lap while he gnaws on the knuckle of her pointer finger.

Teething.

Diaper rash.

Acid Reflux.

Diapers.

I look at the large box Janice brought over to help us with JJ's transition. We are his parents, he will be with us now.

Allergy testing as we start solids.

Formula.

SIDS.

White noise machine.

"So, this is it, we are on our own tonight," I mumble. I fight not to panic...and it's not working. We are so fucked.

"I guess we could've invited Janice to spend the night..." Tris says, I can't tell if she is joking or serious. Probably a little of both.

I lovingly put my arm around Tris and beam at her as she holds our baby. This picture will never grow old for me.

"It was really kind of Johanna to invite us to stay in this suite for a full week. It will give us some time to settle in with JJ, while still having Janice and her team close. I can't help but think about how attached he must be to all of the orphanage caregivers," Tris says, smiling sadly.

"He is really attached to James, too," I mumble, feeling Tris stiffen at the mention of his name.

"I know, I've worried about that too. I don't know what a little baby will feel as people disappear from his life, but all I can say is that yes, James had a relationship with our son...but it's not as though James was raising him day in and day out, Tobias. So don't look at it that way."

I frown, I want to believe Tris's version, which would be so easy. That video, I saw it with my own eyes. There is something to be said about knowing about something, versus actually seeing it.

"It's dinner time for JJ! This should be interesting, would you grab the folder that Janice left? She had a list of foods that are recommended to try, its best if we don't mix and test for at least three days in a row..." Tris says while she carries JJ on her hip while rummaging through his diaper bag. I am amazed she remembered all of that from just one conversation.

There is so much information.

"Yuck! JJ was already testing squash, day two....poor kid," I mumble looking over the list of foods and his progress. "It says no food allergies so far!"

Tris laughs excitedly as she finds a jar of baby food that is indeed squash. She sits with JJ on her lap and then hands me the jar to open.

"Soon, we'll need to get him a highchair," she says while bending her arm towards herself to the feed the baby while also holding him. I sit next to them on the table and offer to feed him while she holds him.

"Before we start looking at highchairs, we should talk about where home will be..." I say softly, as I slowly move a baby spoon of yellow-orange mush towards JJ's mouth. The baby shakes his head and squirms in Tris's arms, effectively getting food all over himself...and Tris's lap.

Tris raises her eyebrows. "I think the food is supposed to actually go into his mouth..."

"Ha, ha...this is not as easy as it looks," I say jokingly.

Tris laughs, "Trust me, you aren't making it look easy!"

JJ manages to get himself and Tris nice and dirty. I smile as Tris wipes the pureed squash off her shirt and pants. The baby even got some in her hair. I've never seen her look hotter, I breathe out slowly to control my lust.

I need to stop.

"I guess we should start our life in Chicago... Your life is there, and for me...well, Caleb is there," Tris says matter-of-factly.

"I was hoping you would be ok with that. I have my job, an apartment, I called Evelyn days ago...to say she is excited is an understatement. She has already moved out and gotten her own place. Her new place is near us..." Tris raises her eyebrows at the mention of my mother.

"More importantly, Evelyn wanted me to tell you that she is sorry for the past. And she can't wait to see you in person in order to apologize herself..." I cringe at the awkwardness in my voice.

Tris nods, she brings up my letter and what I had written about Evelyn. We talk about all of it, what happened the day of our mission and how I want to try to move forward. Tris reminds me that she wants the same for her with Caleb. We both commit to making a true effort, for each other's sake. Caleb and Evelyn are the last family we have, we also owe it to JJ to really try.

We agree to make plans to move to Chicago by the end of the week.

Tris starts, "Well, I'll need a job. I talked with Johanna, we agreed that working side by side with you wouldn't be good for our relationship, but she has a lot of connections to get me a job somewhere—"

"Do you want to work? I mean...we just got JJ back." I pause thinking about how to word this without Tris wanting to punch me in the face. "What I'm trying to say, I make enough money to take care of our family. You could be a stay at home mom, especially while the baby gets used to his new life." My voice trails off.

Tris kisses the baby's head, deep in thought. When she looks at me I see her eyes are searching mine. "Um, are you ok with that? I mean...supporting us?"

I smile at her. "There is nothing I would love more than to take care of you and our baby. That way we can spend even more time together, maybe meet at the park during my lunch break."

Tris grins at me. "That would be nice...if you're sure?"

"You would need to be a good little woman and have my hot dinner served when I got home every night. Wearing only sexy lingerie of course," I tease.

"Don't forget a spotless home, laundry folded, and your house slippers waiting by the door," she mocks me.

I laugh and lean over to kiss her, the baby protesting between us. "Tris, I'm not sure why you think I am kidding..."

We both laugh, at our jokes and at what a mess JJ's first meal was.

++o++

I am holding the baby under his armpits and away from my body, he is covered in squash. Tris laughs when she catches sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. She is a hot mess, she still has some food on her clothes and even in her hair.

I bite my lip as Tris starts stripping down, finding one of the hotel laundry bags for the soiled clothing. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror, she flushes realizing how turned on I am.

"Um...ok. I'm going to rinse off in the shower, but I am nervous to hold JJ standing up. Do you mind running the bath so I can get in the tub with him after?" she asks as she turns on the shower water.

Is she trying to kill me?

"Of course, but I need you to know..." I say calmly as she turns to look at me. "I need to have you, and soon. I can't wait much longer."

Her lips part, her eyes widening. She nods her head. "I need you, too."

I help Tris give JJ his bath, she tells me that the bureau gave us some paperwork to fill out JJ's birth certificate. My back immediately straightens with tension.

"I know he is already six months old, but I would really like to change his name. James basically named my son after himself. I just—"

"Tobias, I agree with you. We need to give our son a new name," Tris interrupts me. I am so relieved she agrees. It has been eating at me since the moment I learned his name is James Jay.

I lean down to kiss her forehead before speaking, "I was thinking about naming him after your father. Andrew. Maybe Andrew... and Uriah as a middle name?"

"I love naming him Andrew...but I do think of my dad every time I hear that name. How about a nickname?" she asks sweetly.

"How about...Andy?" I say, loving the way Tris's eyes light up the moment she hears it.

Tris kisses the baby's head. He is all clean but has managed to pee on Tris for a second time since this bath started.

"Andy. Andrew Uriah Prior-Eaton. But we will call him Andy. I love it," she whispers while turning him around to look at her. He gurgles, his eyes look so tired.

Tris gets tears in her eyes as she stares at me, "Thank you, Tobias. Naming him after my dad means so much to me." Her voice is thick with emotion, "Kiss me. Please."

I am kneeling next to the tub, so I place my hand gently around the back of her neck and kiss her lovingly. Pulling away my eyes linger on her beautiful breasts, I gulp while trying to push my lust filled thoughts away since she is holding the baby.

She clears her throat and then bites the inside of her cheek, almost nervously.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself," I say.

She nods in understanding, I know she wants me too.

"I'll get the baby changed and lay him down in his crib...on his back," I finish, letting her know I remember some of the little details Janice covered with us.

"Wait for me," I order as she nods. As I take the baby I see Tris is now finishing up her bath, and draining and refilling the tub with water.

Before we came in Tris had laid out his diaper and pajamas. I take him in the bedroom to get him dressed; she gave him his bottle before his bath.

I smile at Andy, he is yawning as his eyes keep closing. I kiss his cheek before laying him in the middle of his crib.

I need Tris now, I rush into the bathroom.

/XO/

In order to hear Andy I leave the door to the bathroom open as I immediately start stripping. Seeing Tris in the tub waiting for me is all it takes for my dick to get hard. She bites her lip as she watches me get naked, I see how turned on she is. It is a large tub, I smile at her.

"Do you mind scooting forward? I will sit behind you, then you can lean on me," I say huskily, loving how she is moving before I even finish asking.

I am pleasantly surprised when I feel how warm the water is, she must have made the temperature warmer when she refilled the tub. Once I sit down she leans back, resting her back on my bare chest.

She moves away from and turns to face me, I frown at her. I need her close.

"Let me take care of you, Tobias," she says while putting shampoo in her hands and lathering it. She washes my hair, careful not to get any in my eyes or the stitches for the wound on my forehead. She uses the washcloth to scrub me down. To my great enjoyment, she makes sure my dick is especially clean. All while I am peppering her with kisses every chance I get.

When she is done, she sighs and leans back against my chest.

"Tris," I whisper as my arms go around her, holding her close to me for a moment. "I've needed you, so badly."

Her right arm reaches above her shoulder and behind her to place her hand on the hair at the base of my head. She gives my short wet curls a teasing tug.

It's all the invitation I need. Both my arms move to bring her pleasure, my left hand tenderly caressing her breast before rolling her nipple between my fingertips. My right hand sliding around her and down as I begin touching her core. She immediately arches her back and moans with desire.

"Tobias, I...I can't...I want to make you feel good too." She whimpers and my index finger penetrates her slowly. I don't answer her with words, I move my hand down from her breast to grab her hip for a moment and then pull her back so that her butt can feel how hard I am. She nods her head and then begins slowly and steadily rocking her tight ass against my cock. She is moving in tune with my fingers that are intent on making her come. My hand goes goes back to her breast, I love touching her.

Suddenly Tris is gripping the sides of the tub. I feel her clenching tight around my two fingers that are slowly pleasuring her.

"Oh God. Yessssss!" she moans. I hold her tightly as her entire body shakes through her orgasm.

We start draining the tub and step out, quickly drying ourselves. I feel her gaze on my hard dick, I almost embarrass myself when she licks her lower lip.

I move the cushy floor mat against the tub and I sit down on the floor, my back leaning against the tub. Her eyes are still on me, I feel a rush as I stroke my shaft up and down.

"Come here, Tris," I whisper gruffly.

She walks over and takes my hand, I sense she is unsure of what will happen next. I tell her to trust me, as I pull her closer to me. I guide her to sit on my lap putting her thighs on either side of me. She smiles at me, I begin stroking her breasts, leaning down to take her nipple in my mouth, my teeth gently nipping. Tris yelps with pleasure. Suddenly she is stroking my cock up and down as she saw me doing moments earlier.

I hiss in her ear. "Don't...I am so turned on right now. I don't want to come in your hand." I demand as she nods.

I slip my fingers into her, she is wet and ready. She immediately groans and begins pushing onto my fingers. I am surprised when just moments later she clenches tightly around my fingers, her head rolls back as I watch her ride her orgasm out.

Tris is fucking amazing, I never dreamed she would be so sensual and sexy. We are amazing together.

I grab my penis in my hand, Tris watches me intently as I guide my dick right outside of her entrance. I tease her by rubbing my tip up and down her clit. Suddenly I feel her fingertips digging into my shoulders. "Tobias, don't tease me. Not right now. I need you. Please!"

I nod as I place my hands on her hips, I pull her closer to me as I guide my shaft slowly inside of her. Once I am fully sheathed, and she is sitting on my lap facing me, her arms wrapped around my shoulders. We look into each other's eyes, our breathing erratic. I lean back against the tub and relax my hands on her hips.

Tris's brows furrow, looking confused...doubtful even.

"I'll help you, but I want you to lead...I want you to move in the way that will feel the best for you."

She starts slow, gently moving up and down on my dick. She braces herself on my shoulders as she moves, I watch as she tries different angles every few strokes. She seems to be enjoying this position.

I watch her eyes widen when she find the one that really feels right. She actually looks shocked, I feel her twitch around me. I am sure I am hitting her g-spot, "Oh, Tobias. I can't..." suddenly she can't speak and she begins bouncing on my dick. I watch her wantonly ride me, I never want to forget this image. Ever. She is whimpering and digging her nails into my shoulders, even breaking the skin. I don't care, I feel my balls pulling tightly. I am so close, I need her to finish soon.

I slide my fingers and begin stroking her bundle of nerves and then she screams out as her orgasm takes over. As she loudly cries out, "Oh fuck, Tobias! Yesssss!" I know that she is going to want this position again soon.

/XO/

We suddenly hear the baby crying loudly. Tris is spent, laying against my chest as she pants.

"I'm sorry, I think my screaming woke him..." she says sheepishly. I kiss her forehead, unable to wipe the smile off my face.

I give her a loving squeeze. "Why would you think that?" I smile into her hair as her face flushes. "You clean up first, I'll get him," I say as I stand up while helping my love to her feet. I quickly throw on the man-robe the suite offers us.

As I walk towards the baby-cries to care for our son, I turn around and give her a serious look, "We will need to start practicing as soon as possible..."

Tris's eyes look confused.

I smile and walk out, calling over my shoulder, "Learning to have quiet sex."

I hear her laugh as I pick up the wailing baby. He looks so angry for someone so small.

This is our kid alright.

++o++ Chapter End ++o++

End of Part II


	23. Chapter 23: Our New Normal

Part III: Healing

Chicago  
+++o++++o++++o++++o++++o+++

+++o++++o++++o++++o++++o+++

Chapter 23: Our New Normal

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Disclaimer:

This chapter includes mature adult themes. Topics include depression, suicide, as well as adult consensual sexual situations.

At the start and end of the adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: /XO/

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter 23: Our New Normal

Date: Early June +o+ Baby is 8 months old

^^ A month and a half has passed ^^

*Tris POV*

Beep.

Beep.

Be-

Startled from deep sleep by the sudden noise, I crack my eye open to see it is still so dark in our studio apartment. It must be really early...ugh, I'm so tired. We only use the alarm for days that Tobias has to be in the office at an ungodly early hour, which is not often.

Having an eight month old doesn't really allow for mornings of leisure to be able to sleep in. Andy is ready for his breakfast by seven AM. Eight AM if I am really lucky, which almost never happens.

Tobias quickly shuts off the alarm, I hold my breath as I count in my mind.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and TEN.

"We are in the clear, baby is still asleep," Tobias whispers in my ear as his arm suddenly wraps around my waist. He must have been counting as well.

"Argh...babe, was the alarm a mistake? It is so early, it feels like it is four or five in the morning..." I softly whine, my interrupted sleep making me feel a little cranky. Not the best way to start the day.

Tobias sits up and begins to pull me up. "It's five-thirty. Come on sleepy head, this was no mistake."

I raise my eyebrows as I allow Tobias to pull me up to my feet and wrap his arms around me.

"Well...I knew that Andy would be sleeping, and I wanted to lure you into the shower with me. I could really use your help this morning," he whispers while kissing my neck suggestively. I feel an instant pull in my stomach, my sleepy state quickly forgotten.

"My help? With what exactly?" I ask, straight faced.

"You see, I have this problem... I've got an amazing woman that has me on edge all of the time. I just can't stop thinking about her...really dirty and inappropriate thoughts," he murmurs softly. His breath tickling the strands of hair that fall behind my ear.

My cheeks instantly flush. Tobias has the ability to affect me with words alone. I close my eyes and slowly breathe in.

"Hmmm...I am not hearing what the problem is. Your issue sounds marvelous so far." I smile at him.

Tobias smiles back and silently picks me up off my feet, his hands under my butt as I wrap my legs around his waist.

"The issue...there is this twenty pound little child that is the most amazing kid...but...." Tobias teases while nibbling on my earlobe.

"Aw, there's always a 'but'," I laugh as he starts to massage my butt firmly while walking to the bathroom.

"This twenty pound bundle of joy forces me and this amazing woman to be really quiet while we make love, since we live in a smallish studio-apartment...it makes it really hard for me to do all the things I want to do to her, and whenever I want to do them." He sits me on the bathroom sink and then very slowly and quietly closes the door.

"Tell me more, how can I help?" I ask seriously, keeping my tone even.

He smiles. "I am so glad you asked. It's better if I show you...how you can help..." he explains while turning on the shower and checking the water temperature.

/XO/

Tobias moves to stand in front of me, his eyes never leaving mine. He gives me a solemn look while taking my hand under his then sliding it slowly into the front of his tented boxers "My problem is right here...only you can help me," his breathing hitching as I begin stroking him, his eyes watching me with lust as his breathing gets faster.

I give him a grave look, "Oh my...you're absolutely right. I can tell this is a very large problem you have..." I increase the pressure. "Good thing I am here...and that our baby is sleeping soundly out there."

I smirk as he is suddenly pushing my nightgown up while sliding his hands to my hips, he chuckles, realizing that I am bare already. "Fuck, Tris. You always manage to surprise me. No underwear?!"

I give his shaft a gentle squeeze as his hands begins pleasuring me. "So wet, baby. I love that you want me as badly as I want you."

I mewl as his fingers move just the way he has learned to touch me, he knows exactly what I need to get me to come quickly. I push his boxers down his butt so they can fall to the ground. He tries to use his one free hand to pull off my nightgown while he kisses my neck and breasts over the thin cotton material. I yank it off myself while he steps out of his boxers, leaving us both naked.

Seeing his eyes roam my body up and down hungrily as his fingers stroke all of the places I need, sends me over the edge. I close my eyes and lean back on the sink and his other arm holds me tightly to him. My toes curl as my butt scoots off the counter to desperately move closer to his hand.

I moan, arching my back as my incredible orgasm consumes me. I'm still amazed at how Tobias makes me feel. Everything tightens, my breathing is faster and more difficult at the same time. Until suddenly there are waves of pleasure rushing through my body. It's like melting and exploding at the same time. I lose all control, and it's maybe the only time in my life when I'm not worried about anything but that very moment with him.

Catching my breath I notice him staring at me intently, I feel myself wanting him all over again. I close my eyes for a moment to calm myself.

I pull him close to me, whispering in his ear, "I'm all yours. You can take me slow or you can do me hard. Just do it...now." I lean down to gently bite the spot where his neck meets his shoulder.

"Dammit, Tris. You're going to make my come all over your stomach if you keep talking to me that way. Hard it is, get ready baby."

/XO/

He delivers, he always does.

++o++

I smile at Andy as he eats his baby-puffs, of course more than half will end up on the floor. He is still working out those fine motor skills. I swear he laughed at me the other day as I groaned while on my knees cleaning up one of his larger messes.

I love my son, and our time together is so special. My mind wanders to the email I received this morning...another possible job offer. Johanna had put in a good word for me at a few places that needed help. I have been contacted with a couple of pretty amazing offers.

I sigh, I wish there was a clear right or wrong answer. Or I wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once.

I love my time at home with the baby and also the flexibility it gives me to really take care of him and Tobias, and most importantly...bring Andy to spend more time with his daddy. Our family lunches are the highlight of both Tobias's and my day. We have them a few times a week.

I will bring it up with Tobias at dinner tonight. We can talk it out and decide together. He works so hard, but having a baby is really expensive. I know he feels a lot of pressure as well, which in turn makes me feel guilty. He is twenty years old and has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, as do I at eighteen. I smile to myself, we are making it work. It's not perfect...but it's perfect for us...and for Andy, too.

I never knew I could love another person so much. Andy is a baby, and by all accounts is not speaking yet...but he is able to communicate with me in a way that makes my heart sing. I know his cries, I know his yawns, I know when he is being mischievous, and I know when he is scared. It's almost as though I can just know what he is thinking, I always feel him in my heart.

Tobias is a great dad, although I've recently noticed that when it comes to Andy he often defers to me. I don't mean that Tobias is lazy and sits back while I'm at his beck and call. It is more that Tobias will offer to cook, or clean or do laundry...while he wants me to take care of Andy. Maybe that is normal? I have no idea.

What I do know: Tobias adores this kid. He is always begging and pleading, and joking that he will withhold sex (yeah, right) if I don't bring the baby and meet him for his lunch break. I basically have to force him to go out with Zeke every couple of weeks. I want him to still feel normal, and I know a part of that is not making me and the baby the only things in his life.

It was really hard on Tobias last month when he had a work trip to the bureau. He was going to be so busy, it didn't make sense for Andy and me to make the trip with him. So we never considered it. Tobias was so homesick, I've never had someone call me so many times in one day.

It worked out really well; Michelle and Jessica purposely chose that week to visit me and meet the baby! Even funnier was how we all squeezed into the studio apartment for their visit. It was like a girls' slumber party. Well, three girls and a baby. They were a big help, and Michelle was an awesome sounding board as she is already a mom. Jessica and her husband are expecting their first baby, it is still really early in her pregnancy. She is so excited to become a mom. Michelle's husband was a champ and he stayed with their two girls in Providence during their visit. Michelle made sure to tell us that both grandmothers were also helping out. She likes to keep his ego in check.

It was a good visit with the girls, we talked a lot about life. The three of us each live in three different cities now, but we are as close as ever. We discussed how we felt about all that had happened to us at the bureau. The topic of James had already been discussed, so we made it a point to not even mention him. Some of it was painful, and other times we were so thankful to not only be alive...but also relieved that none of us have a child created as part of their great experiment.

Baby Andy was born there, while I was kept in a coma...but he was created in a loving moment that Tobias and I shared. A moment between two people who really loved each other.

I sigh remembering all that has happened over the last month and a half. Thankfully I was completely cleared for James's death, it was ruled self-defense. The tapes of James kidnapping Andy from the secret orphanage and then his video demands were enough to clear me.

It has been a media frenzy. The story of kidnappings, comas, deaths and then babies has caught the attention of the entire nation. The one good thing, the media and even the curious public have respected the privacy of the victims and especially the children. Aside from the women I got to know during my time in rehabilitation, I know nothing else about any other victims.

Jessica did tell us that she is personal friends with some of the women who still live at the bureau...and some of the issues with the children have been heartbreaking. There are innocent families that had adopted a baby that was taken from its biological mother while she was in a coma. Just a painful situation for all involved. Being in Chicago has also kept me disconnected but also out of the limelight, which is probably not a bad thing.

What hasn't been good, I haven't been able to start therapy while out here. It is not even about the cost, it is more due to a shortage of therapists in Chicago. I did my initial intake session right after moving here, but they still haven't been able to assign me to a therapist that has openings. Tobias has been really supportive and he makes sure to check in with how I'm feeling, and he reminds me that he always wants to be there for me. I am hoping it will get worked out soon.

I look at my watch; I'm meeting Evelyn at the park after a quick lunch. She often works odd hours, so meeting up with her while Tobias is at work helps her get her grandbaby time in. I smile as I get the diaper bag ready, Evelyn and I have come a long way.

When I first returned, as she had promised Tobias, the first words out of her mouth were "I'm sorry." She was sorry for it all. And then she immediately turned her attention to Andy and began crying tears of joy. Tobias was so uncomfortable, he basically ran out of the room with the excuse he was going to pick up some snacks from the store for us.

I stayed calm and listened for an hour as Evelyn reminisced about Tobias as a baby, how hard things had been with Marcus, and most of all...she begged me to enjoy every moment. She told me that being a mother is a gift.

I smiled at her, although my heart ached thinking about my own mother and father. I can't even imagine what their reaction would have been to their grandchild.

Now poor Caleb, on the other hand, was in complete shock. For someone so intellectually inclined, hearing him repeat "You have a what?!" five times was a little odd. And the scathing look he gave Tobias...was not helpful, either. Caleb was livid that Tobias got me pregnant. Also not helpful was the taunting smirk Tobias gave him back.

Also not helpful was the taunting smirk Tobias gave him back

After his initial shock...which lasted a few days...Caleb was really excited. He even got tears in his eyes when I told him it was Tobias's idea to name the baby Andrew after our dad. He made sure to tell us that he does not change diapers.

After cleaning up Andy's lunch mess, I change his diaper before putting him in the baby carrier. It is the easiest way for us to get around the city. I also feel he is safer when strapped to my chest and close. Johanna bought us this contraption as a gift, even Tobias could wear it...although he looked at me like I had two heads when I pointed out it was unisex and a dad could use it.

Tobias made sure to point out how cute and sexy I looked wearing the baby carrier with his son in it. I told him he was so full of shit. He just laughed and promised to make it up to me...later. When we were alone.

One thing that has been hard, Johanna's big election is coming to an end. Tobias is stressed to the max as it is no longer looking like a clear win for her. It is former candidate Jones that is giving the Reyes Campaign a run for their money.

Candidate Jones was forced to drop out when the terrible rumors about his wife circulated. Before we even found out about James's involvement with Whole Genetics and the project, I had given Johanna the banking information I memorized from James's safe. It did prove that James's campaign was behind it all. True to her word, Johanna exposed awful injustice that Mrs. Veronica Jones had to endure because of nasty politics.

After the truth came out about what James and his election team had done to candidate Jones and his family, Mr. Jones was suddenly back in the running and had a great survivor story to push his campaign along. Mr. Jones was quickly voted to represent the party seat James left open when he died.

It was a double edged sword for Johanna: the election is now neck and neck between the two candidates. Johanna handles the pressure well, as does her team. The end of a close election means a lot of stress and work hours for Tobias. I sigh remembering that Tobias has another work trip coming up, and this time Michelle and Jessica aren't coming for a visit.

++o++

"So, what do you think?" I ask Tobias nervously. I just finished reading him the email about the possible job offer. "They seem really interested in me...and they even mention that they have an onsite daycare for employees that have small kids...it seems great!"

Tobias takes a large sip of the water in his cup and is quiet. As though he is trying to think first and then say the right thing.

Clearing his throat, "The bottom line, Tris...I am going to support any decision you make."

I frown, he said that the last time too. "If you don't want me to work, I just need you to be honest with me!" I insist.

Tobias shakes his head, "We are getting by just fine, so this isn't about the money. At the end of the day, it is you getting a job...it would be you not being with Andy while you are at this job... Again, I don't feel like I can or should tell you what to do."

Sighing I go over my jumble of thoughts... I was hoping for more from him. What he thinks, does matter to me. "So you don't care either way? Is that what I'm hearing? I doubt that is true...just tell me what you really think."

He pauses again, this is agonizing to me.

"Ok, the truth is...I like things how they are now. I love knowing that our son is safe with you. I love that we can spend more time together as a family because you have all this flexibility." He runs his fingers through his hair as though frustrated. "But again, I want you to be happy. So if taking a step back and getting a full time job will make you feel more fulfilled...I support you."

I nod my head. I know he is trying not to influence me, but I also heard his words. The words I pushed and pushed for him to give me. I also know that the way things are now, I am completely dependent upon him. I literally have no income. It is just unnerving. I'm not blaming Tobias, he has never once suggested that it is "his money", he treats everything he has, everything he owns, as things that belong to "us".

I smile at Andy who ate dinner earlier and already had his bath. He is sitting in his highchair enjoying some more baby-puffs as a snack while we eat our late meal.

He looks right at me, showing off his fine motor skills as one by one he drops puff after puff on the floor. Little monster...I love him so much, possibly even more when he is acting naughty. God help me, mother of the year here.

As I huff and bend over to start cleaning up his mess, Andy laughs and cries out "Mamma! Mamamamama!" I sit up and make eye contact with him and he laughs even harder. Tobias laughs too, he asks me if he can throw some of his food on the floor for me to pick up.

I throw a puff at him. He catches it in his mouth and then complains about how bland it is. "Yuck, this is gross. Why are we feeding this to Andy!?"

I roll my eyes and tell Tobias to get Andy ready for sleep. Tobias stands up and begins clearing the table. "You go ahead Tris, the kitchen is full of dishes and I didn't get a chance to empty the dishwasher before work this morning...It's a big mess, I'll tackle it."

I nod my head and get the baby ready. I don't even have to ask, Tobias brings Andy's bedtime bottle over to me, and takes the baby into his arms to kiss him and tell him that daddy loves him. Tobias hands him back to me, turns on the white noise machine by Andy's crib and quietly goes back to the kitchen.

We purposely moved his crib to be as far away from our bed as possible, trying to get some kind of privacy for us. Although it is one room, we also got a huge cubed bookshelf to have some privacy between our bed and the rest of the apartment. As I lay Andy down, I make sure he is almost asleep but awake enough that when he does wake in the middle of the night, he will not be expecting me to be holding him. He is an amazing sleeper, thank goodness.

I step back and retreat to the kitchen to help Tobias with all the work that is left. He kisses my cheek and tells me to sit down and relax.

He knows I've had a very long day. Smirking he then asks me how my visit with Evelyn went.

We both laugh, I roll my eyes and throw a kitchen towel at his head. I told him she was lovely as usual. He just smiles and keep cleaning up.

"Don't forget, I am bringing my travel bag with me to work in the morning. The bus is picking our group up from Johanna's offices and then heading directly to the bureau." He says quietly while frowning, "I hate to leave you both...more than you can imagine."

I smile at him sadly and nod. I know it is hard for him.

"So...I was thinking, since this trip is going to be even longer than the last one...maybe this time you and Andy can meet me out there?"

I raise my eyebrows, unsure of what he is thinking.

"Ok, my team has to leave early and do all the crazy set up. But Johanna and a smaller group aren't leaving for another two days...and she has booked a private transport. She already has approved some other staff-families to travel with her." He looks hopeful.

"Tobias...I...." I pause, trying to get my words in order. "I just have so many bad memories with the bureau. I hate the idea of bringing Andy back to that place..."

"You don't need to decide right at this moment...will you think about it? Please?"

I nod my head and wrap my arms around him. We kiss gently before we both resume cleaning the kitchen, I tell him I don't need my rest. He laughs and tells me he has plans for us later tonight.

Oh my.

++o++

/XO/

I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing, I know I need to be keep in control and keep quiet. The baby is sound asleep and across the room, but we have learned the hard way that he will wake up if we get too loud.

I bite my lip and control the moans that threaten to escape, Tobias is being so slow and tender. Everything about this moment feels perfect to me. He kisses my neck and shoulder I can feel he is fighting to keep in control, while being very deliberate with his movements.

I suddenly feel on the brink, I tell him I'm so close. He holds me tightly while laying on top of me, creating extra friction between us and quickens his pace, it's all I need to lose myself. He is right behind me, I hold him as his body trembles in my arms.

We both have a fine sheen of sweat on our bodies as he rolls over and pulls me into his arms. I grin while burying my face in his chest.

/XO/

After making love we talk quietly for another hour before it is time for real sleep. He tries to convince me to have sex one more time, I tell him I am so tired. He nods in understanding, admitting he is really tired too.

He admits he is sad about his trip, he just wanted to be close to me again. In that way.

"Promise me you'll think about joining me out there. I promise I will take care of you and Andy, I'll keep you both safe," he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I smile at him, I'll also miss him while he's gone. Could I go back to the bureau so soon? It would be wonderful to see Jessica again, I know she will be at her home all this week.

Tobias clears his throat, "Any luck getting set up with a therapist here? I hate that they make it so hard for people...to get help."

I frown and nod my head no.

Tobias rolls us over so we are both laying on our sides, facing each other. "If you do come to the bureau, I know that Kelly White will make time to see you. I told you I met with her briefly during my last trip to the bureau when I saw my therapist for a session... They really care about you Tris, they want to support you."

"I know they do. Kelly and I exchange emails every so often. She really likes to hear about Andy too." I pause. "I also know Janice and her team are very anxious to see Andy again. I finally got them to stop calling him JJ!"

Tobias cringes. I frown, remembering how much hearing the name JJ still bothers him. "Ugh...I'm sorry, that was dumb of me."

He kisses me, "Nah...even if something is hard for me to talk about, I still want to hear it. No secrets, right?"

I smile. "Right, trust and communication." It is a phrase Tobias got from his therapist, we are working the motto into our relationship whenever we can.

I think about what Tobias is asking of me, he just wants to keep the baby and I close. Which is what I want too.

"Ok! You're right, it will be good to visit the bureau. Andy and I will go!" I whisper excitedly. Tobias kisses me firmly on the lips as a thank you.

I sit up and grab my cell phone that is charging on the bookshelf we have at the head of our bed. My side of the bed is pressed directly up against the apartment wall. Although no privacy for sound, at least our bed is no longer visible from other area's of the apartment.

I open my smart phone's email and send Kelly White a request to meet with her later this week, while I'm at the bureau. I also explain that I haven't been assigned a therapist in Chicago and I'm hoping she can pull some strings to help get the process moving. Once I hit send I see that Tobias has the biggest smile on his face.

"I'm really proud of you Tris," he says while holding me and stroking my back.

"Hmmm...thanks. Goodnight," I yawn as I snuggle in closer to him.

"Goodnight, my love," he whispers as he falls asleep first.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	24. Chapter 24: Work Trip

++o++ ++o++ ++o++ ++o++ ++o++ ++o++ ++o++

Chapter 24: Work Trip

Date: Early June +o+ Baby is 8 months old

^^ The Next Day ^^

*Tobias POV*

I chuckle while washing the breakfast dishes, I can hear Tris and Andy laughing in the dining area of our studio. I glance at my watch; it's almost time to head out. I have to work a couple of hours before the bus picks up my team from the office. The bus will be going straight to the bureau, I'm not looking forward to the drive. I prefer transport travel, but this was cheaper for budget purposes.

I try not to let the stress of work follow me home, but things are really coming to a head for Johanna's campaign. There is a lot on the line for her, our team, and really the entire city of Chicago.

Johanna winning this election would be the first Chicago representation at the political national level. This city must have a voice if we are to have a say in the high level decisions that impact us.

My work thoughts interrupted by Andy's screeching. Screeching happily, he is learning how to use his voice. I'm hoping he learns "inside voice" sooner rather than later. Tris is really patient with him, she's a natural. I love watching them together. She is so much better with him than I ever could be. Andy is lucky to have her as his mom.

I adore my son. Tris and Andy are everything to me. I'm still so anxious when it comes to the baby. I'm...I'm just afraid I'll mess up. What if I hurt him by accident?

Or on purpose.

I shudder. No. I'm nothing like him. I'm not.

I can't be.

Besides, it's not like I sit on the couch with a beer in one hand and my other hand on my crotch. I work my ass off when I'm home to contribute. Tris and I work as a team. It may be the Abnegation upbringing...I love to dote in her and encourage her to relax when I get home. I know her days are long, I appreciate all she does.

I actually had a guy at the office tell me proudly that he's never changed a single diaper for any of his four kids. And that he does nothing in the home...his job is to support them with his paycheck. These people actually exist! I met his wife shortly after, she was lovely and seemed happy. She was delivering him a surprise lunch she'd just made. She had their youngest kid with her, and he enjoyed showing his family around our offices. As much as I was looking for some inkling that they had problems, or she was trapped...I couldn't find it.

That's another thing I'm realizing as I get older and I'm in a real relationship myself...what makes one couple really happy could make another couple completely miserable. So people shouldn't assume their wants are the mold everyone else should strive for.

I do chuckle as I imagine what Tris would do to me if I saw my paycheck as my only contribution to our home. She may get the butter knife out during the middle of the night.

"Honey? Did I tell you I'm having lunch with Caleb today? Andy and I are very excited to meet his coworker, it's a girl..." Tris calls to me. I can hear the glee in her voice at the mention of Caleb inviting an actual friend to meet her.

Tris and I went a few rounds over her brother when we first got back to Chicago. She was in a tizzy about how the gang had treated Caleb during the year she was gone. It really bothered her that our group had been...cold...condescending...rude...I am trying to remember what other words/accusations she had hurled at me. I made sure to remind her that I shouldn't be punished for how my friends treated Caleb. I still remember the look she gave me. She was so disappointed...and hurt.

I also reminded her how badly I was feeling during that time, since she was "dead and all". Especially since she sacrificed herself for him. She nodded sadly at my point. I know she still feels bad about that. Although we've made peace, it hasn't been forgotten. By either of us.

I listened, she did most of the talking. Neither of us were able to raise our voices as Andy was sleeping in his crib just feet from us. I didn't want to fight with her about Caleb; truth is I couldn't care less about him. He is someone I tolerate.

I tolerated him when I thought Tris had died saving him, just as I have to tolerate him now. Tris loves him and wants to have a real relationship with her brother. Truth is, the siblings have come a long way relationship-wise. He is kind to her, loyal and he is always looking out for her.

I remember when he had us over for lunch a few weeks ago, I was in his bedroom situating Andy as he needed a nap so we used Caleb's bed. I couldn't help but overhear his strong concern over Tris's wellbeing. He wanted to know if she was doing well, how she was adjusting to her new life and he was most concerned about her health...physical and emotional. He wanted to be sure that she was taking care of herself, not just putting herself behind the baby.

Caleb then told her the best thing she could do for Andy, was also take care of herself. So she could be there for our son.

As much as he has always irritated me, in that moment I felt a level of respect for him. He does love Tris, and he wants the best for her, which is what I want as well. Maybe one day I will get past the resentment I still feel towards him.

So I'm doing my best to try with him. I do it for Tris.

"Tobias? Did you hear me?"

"Sorry, what babe?" I say as I bring her a glass of water from the kitchen.

Tris thanks me for the water and tells me that Caleb admitted that he does have a crush on the girl that is joining them for lunch. Her eyes are bright with excitement.

Oh boy... I can just sense her delight. She just wants Caleb to be happy, like she is with me. "Tris...I know you are hopeful, but make sure you don't scare this girl off."

"Oh. So I shouldn't make her hold Andy and ask her if she can picture being a mom within the next year?" Tris teases.

"Ha, ha! You are soooo funny!" I laugh as I pull her into my arms and kiss her neck as she tries to wiggle free. She squeals with delight.

Her happiness instantly causes a laugh from Andy who is playing with his toy while sitting in his high chair. He bobs his head excitedly. He lights up when Tris is happy. He's very in tune with her emotions.

I smile at her before bringing up the gang. I've made it a point not to push the subject...but it is time. Tris is my life, and the baby of course. I want to make sure we work through any possible tension with my core group of friends.

"I feel like we are pretty settled here...Chicago feels like home right?" I ask, smiling at her hopefully.

Tris nods, I have her full attention now...she stops what she is doing, "Uh huh. Go on..."

I clear my throat, "I am hoping you can start working on forming relationships with the gang again. You know, Zeke. Shauna, Matthew and Cara...It would mean a lot to me."

"Sure," her tone is noncommittal, and her face giving nothing away as she wipes down the table after our breakfast. "Is this about...do you need more time to yourself? You already see them often, no less than I see Caleb. I guess I'm not seeing the issue," she finishes, now looking at me with curiosity.

"Tris." I pause to hold her hands in mine after she puts the paper towel roll down. "This isn't about me, I know I see my friends often. I want you to join us. I want you to be part the group again."

Tris smirks. "Well, it's not like I can take Andy into a bar. That is usually where you guys meet."

I think about it for a second, and she's absolutely right. The last few times I have met up with Zeke and the others has been in a bar- usually a happy hour right after work. Or someone's birthday celebration. Or when we celebrated Cara and Matthew's engagement. All in a bar.

I also think about the engagement celebration: Christina was there, of course. She has always been very close with Cara because of Will. I made it a point to arrive early, she made it a point to arrive late. I headed out shortly after she got there. Tris didn't even ask who was there, and I didn't feel the need to bring it up. It was obviously a subject neither of us wanted to talk about: Christina. That was a few weeks ago anyway.

I kiss her on the cheek, and promise I will set something up where she and the baby can come. Tris nods and says ok, that she would like to see everyone again.

++o++

I pull my son in my arms, I smell his hair which is the same color and texture as mine. He has a unique baby smell that I love so much. "I adore you, Andy. You take care of your mama while I'm on my work trip."

He gurgles and grins the moment the word "mama" leaves my lips, I see his eyes look around the room in search of Tris. She is organizing his diaper bag since she has a full day of errands after her lunch with Caleb.

"But you and mama are going to make a big trip to come and see me. And there are some wonderful friends that will be so excited to see you again. I will be counting the hours until you are with me." I kiss him again before placing him down in his pack n play.

I stand for a moment, just watching him play with his toys. A sudden ache in my heart because I'm gonna miss the little guy. I feel Tris's hand on my back, she smiles at me. I realize she probably watched the entire exchange. I lean down and kiss Andy one last time. I then pull her into my arms and walk with her towards the front door. My suitcase ready to grab on my way out.

"By the way, I forwarded you Johanna's email- the details about her transport that leaves in two days. She is looking forward to seeing you and the baby and is happy to have you catch a ride with her," I tell Tris as I open the front door, getting ready to leave.

She nods and sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. I can see that her eyes look sad, even though she is trying not to show it. I hate leaving her, I hate to be away from her for any amount of time. "I want to say thank you," I blurt out.

"What? For what?" she asks while cocking her head to the side.

"It means a lot to me, that you are going to bring Andy to the bureau. I hope you know, how much happier I am when I am with you both...how much... how much you matter to me," I whisper while staring into her eyes.

Tris's eyes meet mine, she opens her mouth to speak and then just closes her lips. Her eyes burn into me, she looks at me as though we are the only two people on the earth.

Shit, I love her so much.

I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me, our eyes never losing the connection. Her arms roam up my chest and wrap around my neck. I know I need to leave for work. I know I have a report that needs my attention so I can file it before the team travels. I know that I should kiss her and walk away.

That would be the responsible thing for me to do.

Instead I close our apartment door and push her body against it, lean down and press my lips to her mouth. She is mine, and I need her. Right now.

She whimpers as my lips begin their assault on her body: her lips, her jaw, her neck, the cleavage that is visible above her V-neck shirt. I press my body firmly against her, pinning her against the door. I can feel my pants getting tighter by the second.

Mine, I love that she is mine. And I am hers. She has every single part of me.

I pull her shirt up and off with one fluid moment, before it hits the floor I have her nipple in my mouth over her silky bra cup while I knead her other breast. Tris throws her head back, resting it against the door.

I feel her hands on my belt, she is desperately trying to undo the buckle while panting. My mouth and hands concentrate on her beautiful tits. Which are also mine.

As soon as she loosens the belt there is enough give in my pants for her hand to slip down the front. I enjoy her touch for a few moments until I can take no more. I pick her up and lean her against the door, she immediately wraps her legs around my waist.

We smile at each other as I begin pushing myself against her, I pause to undo my pants and let them fall to the ground. Tris was wearing a skirt that is now pushed up around her waist. As I begin rubbing myself against her, simulating sex while we each have a thin layer of clothes separating us I listen as breathing for both of us become erratic.

Just as I slip my hand between us and feel how moist her panties are a loud "Mammmmma!" rings out.

Oh Andy...now?

I can literally feel Tris disengage, the baby's calls ruining the moment for her. Every other time the baby has fussed, or woken up, or even given us a laugh from across the room we have immediately stopped.

I close my eyes, the internal battles rages inside of me. My need for her wins.

"Tris...the baby is fine. Andy's happy in his pack in play, I need you right now. Please, Tris." I whisper in her ear. I resume kissing her neck, her ravens, I then dip lower to continue my seduction.

She bites her lip, her eyes darting towards the baby. The baby is laughing and playing in his pack n play.

Tris looks at me and finally nods, I scoop her up and run to the bathroom to have an ounce of privacy.

Our love making is fast but also passionate. As we know the baby is awake, we both strain to be as quiet as possible.

++o++

This time with Andy in her arms, she walks me to the door again...we are both smiling. That was pretty amazing, well worth being late to work. Tris keeps blushing, it's adorable.

She's adorable.

"Tobias, we should think about getting a larger apartment...ideally I'd like Andy to have his own bedroom." Tris says, as she kisses the baby's cheek.

Straightening my tie, without thinking, "Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot...but having a baby is a lot more expensive than I thought it would be. At least for now, a studio apartment is all I can afford... but I have been told that my promotion will go into place soon. So hopefully I can work it out then. Or at least a one bedroom would be better than a studio."

The moment the words leave my mouth, I think about how bad that just sounded. I know Tris worries a lot about money...especially since she isn't working. I have conflicted feelings about the idea of Tris getting a job. I know I don't want her to work-I love the way things are now. I'm human. And that's how I feel.

That said, if working makes her happy, then of course I will support her and want that for her. On the other hand, if she feels she has to work because of money, because I can't provide enough for my family...that would kill me.

I quickly start to explain but she stops me with a hand to my forearm.

"Tobias, if I was working and we had two incomes, money wouldn't be so tight. Don't forget, the two jobs I was approached about include childcare. They are both full time positions, they explained part time and working from home is reserved for the more seasoned staff. So I'd be starting 9-5...which is a long day...for Andy too." She pauses to gauge my reaction. "I just want us to think more about it. That's all."

I frown, but nod. I know she makes a valid point. We are doing fine, but it does concern me that we aren't saving and that it is so tight. What if something were to go wrong?

On the other hand, I really love how things are now. Money is important, but I don't appreciate it more than the time our family has together. I just love to be with Tris and our son. Their trip to the bureau wouldn't be possible if Tris had a job as well.

I sigh, accepting that we need to at least consider it. "You're right, and it is something we need to at least talk about. Right now at least, I don't love the idea but I'd like to discuss it more. I want to really look at your reasons for getting a job, I don't want you to work because we are short on money. Let's talk about this when you get to the bureau. OK?"

"OK, that's fair. Tobias, when I get to the bureau...there's something else I want to talk to you about...it's nothing bad. I just don't want to hold you up. Just hold me accountable..." she smiles at me.

"Hmmm, that sounds ominous, babe. You sure you can't tell me now?" I lean in closer to her, searching her eyes for a clue.

She kisses me lovingly as she begins pushing me out the door. "You are so late. Go!" She's right, I need to run since I'm ridiculously late at this point.

"Oh, Tobias?"

"Yeah?" I ask.

Tris sexily runs her fingers down my chest, stopping just at the buckle of my belt and whispers, "Think about how different our sex life would be if we actually had a bedroom of our own...."

The largest grin reaches my face as I wiggle my eyebrows at her. She laughs in return.

I lean in and give her and Andy each a last kiss goodbye. I give her ass a squeeze for good measure before I walk out the door.

I turn around, walking backwards but facing her as I walk away. "Oh, Tris, I made sure we have a two bedroom suite for this bureau trip...you better rest up while you can. I am really going to make sure we make the most of having our own room." I purse my lips in a self-satisfied smirk as I walk down the hall towards the elevator, the things I plan to do with her running through my mind.

She pokes her head into the hallway and calls after me, "Promises, promises!"

We laugh and wave goodbye one last time as I leave for my trip.

++o++

*Tris POV*

"Have a nice day, Miss. Do you need any help out to your car?" the checkout clerk at the grocery store asks me.

I smile at her. "No car for us. I actually left the baby's stroller at customer service. I'll put the packages in there for our walk home."

Andy squeals as he energetically kicks his legs out. I've started switching the carrier to my back, that way he's more able to see the world. He loves looking around and interacting with people. It's hard for me to imagine this little guy was kept locked away in a hidden orphanage/lab for the first six months of his life. I still feel anxious when I think about it.

I hate what happened to him. I hate what happened to us.

I think about the email I got a couple of days ago. I know I need to talk to Tobias about it, but I dread bringing up a subject I know will send him into a tailspin. I mentally chastise myself, we can't have secrets between us. Not anymore. I need to tell him.

It is time, and I will. I purposely told him about the "something else" we needed to talk about at the bureau. Now I won't be able to chicken out.

While I was at our early lunch with Caleb and Candice, my cell phone rang. I took a quick look to make sure it wasn't Tobias before I silenced it. When I saw it was Therapist Kelly White, I asked them if they would watch Andy for a moment while I stepped away to take the call. Candice practically lunged across the table to reach for Andy.

I discreetly winked at Caleb as I left the table. His cheeks had turned red. I love to tease him.

Kelly was calling to set up a couple of sessions with me during my time at the bureau later this week. She told me that Andy could come as well. I thanked her and told her I was really looking forward to seeing her. She also agreed to look into the situation in Chicago and see what the bureau can do for me specifically, as I was one of the coma victims.

Candice held Andy for the rest of the meal; she was completely enamored with him. I smiled at Caleb and asked (ok, forced) him to help Candice feed Andy his pureed apples. I thanked them both so much letting me have one meal where I could eat with both my hands.

I almost did a cartwheel when Candice suggested that she and Caleb could babysit the baby together so that Tobias and I could have a date night. I'm just glad she was looking at Andy as Caleb's eyes almost rolled out of his head, he was so shocked. She then turned to Caleb, her cheeks flushed, and asked if that was ok that she offered that. She realized she probably should have asked him before saying that.

He was so nervous, I actually felt bad for him. Once he finally found his wits he beamed at her and said he would love to hang out with her outside of the lab, and that a night of babysitting would also be great.

While they were chatting and smiling, I discreetly snapped a photo with my cell phone. I needed photographic evidence to show Tobias. I texted him the photo with a smiley face, letting Tobias know that I knew he would want to see Andy...and Caleb's future wife. I laughed as I hit send, smiling to myself. Tobias was going to get a kick out of this for sure.

Lunch was hours ago. I have been running errands all afternoon with Andy. Most of the time he was in his stroller, even taking a short nap today. But I know he needs to get upstairs and take a real nap in his crib. I am also tired, I think I will take one too.

I purposely saved the grocery store run for the end so that I would only need to put him in the carrier for our last stop.

I glance at my watch as I near our apartment building; the handicapped ramp is off at the side of the building so I push the stroller that way. Thankfully the doorman, Clark, sees me approaching and runs to hold the door open. I smile and thank him as I push the stroller in.

"Tris! Thank God you're home. We've been trying to call you for the last hour. Your phone has been going straight to voicemail!" Clark stutters nervously. I hear the panic in his voice, instantly sending chills down my spine.

Tobias.

"Clark, what it is?!" I cry while fumbling in the diaper bag to find my cellphone. Had I lost it somewhere? I have it on the highest possible volume...there's no way I just didn't hear it ring. Ugh, I scowl when I find it. Damn it, the battery is completely dead. My charger has been on the fritz, maybe it didn't fully charge last night. I just didn't notice that the battery was low.

"Your mother-in-law, well...I mean, Tobias's mom, Evelyn...she has been trying to contact you all afternoon. She finally called the main building line from her work," Clark starts to explain. I can feel myself starting to panic.

"Clark, please! Is it Tobias?!" I demand. I feel like I am about to be sick. Of course this is about Tobias; there is no other reason Evelyn would be trying to hunt me down.

"Tobias has been in a work accident, but the important thing is that he's alive, he's ok...and my understanding is that all of the people on the bus lived, including the driver," Clark finishes nervously. He looks at me with concern.

I release the air I had been holding, Andy is whining and thrashing in his carrier. He senses the agitation both Clark and I feel. I coo at him while reaching to caress his leg that is within my reach, my heart still pounding.

"Tell me what you know, please," I beg as Clark has picked up the phone, eyeing my stroller full of groceries. I wait patiently while Clark speaks with Mr. Samuel, the apartment manager, about getting the spare key to enter my apartment. He would like to put my groceries away for me so that I can head straight to the hospital to see Tobias.

Tears fill my eyes, it is so very kind of him.

He tells me that the bus Tobias was in had an accident when the driver suffered from some kind of medical emergency-possibly a heart attack. The bus did roll, and many were seriously injured, but nothing deadly. The driver is doing ok, too.

He tells me that Mr. Samuel will be here in a little while and they will work together to put the perishable items away. I thank him, pointing out that most of the items are jarred baby food and baby supplies I needed for our trip. There aren't many things that need to go in the fridge.

Clark hands me the reception area phone-it is Evelyn. Evelyn is frantic, last she heard was that Tobias was undergoing testing for his head injury. She gives me the information I need while I switch Andy's carrier to the front of my body. I know it is going to be stressful and that he is so tired. He may nap if he is facing my chest and able to see my face. Evelyn is sorry she hasn't made it to the hospital yet; her work had her at an offsite meeting and she has been unable to get away.

I thank her profusely for working so hard to contact me and run to find Tobias at the hospital.

I need to see him.

Please let him be OK.

++o++

I frantically rush to get to the hospital

I frantically rush to get to the hospital. I repeat the information Evelyn gave me over the phone in my head so I don't forget it. Tobias's room is in the Emergency wing and his room number is P-0114. Evelyn stressed, again and again, that he was listed as stable the last time she was able to check in. She had been able to call earlier while he was getting his tests but never heard back on the results. They were worried that he would need surgery. He has a serious head injury, but no broken bones.

By the time I am rushing into the lobby, Andy has completely passed out and is fast asleep in the carrier. The ER lobby is a madhouse. So many people, long lines to ask questions. People are complaining left and right about needing to be seen. All I can think about is Tobias. I need to find him.

I should have been here hours ago. I should have made sure my cell phone was working. Hindsight being 20/20...he always responds when I text him. Especially a funny joke, like the picture I sent of Candice holding Andy... I was so busy enjoying my lunch and then running errands...I didn't even register that he didn't text me back.

He has to be ok. He has to be.

I love him.

I see a sign on the wall that says "You Must Check In and Get a Visitor Badge", and then right under it I see a sign with an arrow pointing down the right hallway that says "Rooms: P0100 – P0130". Tobias is right there, room P-0114. I don't think, I just walk. I need to see him with my own two eyes.

No one notices Andy and I as I quickly walk through the halls; everyone around me is busy and running around. I turn the second corner and see a door that has the placard P-0114. That should be it. As I approach, I worry that maybe he could have been moved to a different room...or even in surgery. Evelyn did warn me that she had not been able to get another update in the last two hours. No, stop. I can't think that way. He has to be fine.

I'm relieved when I see there is a glass window in the wall that will let me look into the room. The blinds are down, but not closed. I'll be able to look in first and make sure it's Tobias's room. I would hate to walk in on a stranger.

I smile while kissing Andy's head as I reach the window and look in.

I see Tobias laying on a hospital bed, sitting up. The bed is raised to sitting position and supporting him.

I also see Christina.

She sitting on the hospital bed, right next to him with her legs hanging off the side. They are talking while holding hands.

I'm no longer smiling.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	25. Chapter 25: Logical Explanations

Chapter 25: Logical Explanations

Date: Early June +o+ Baby is 8 months old

^^ Moments Later ^^

*Tris POV*

I blink rapidly, my eyes trying to comprehend what I am seeing. My heart lurches right behind it, also confused.

Is he really doing this? Am I dreaming, or is this actually a nightmare?

Tobias is sitting up on his hospital bed and Christina is on the bed with him, perched by his hip so that they are face to face while speaking. She is holding his left hand in between hers.

If someone had told me this was happening, I would not have believed them.

I would not believe that Tobias would do this to me.

But there he is. I'm seeing this with my own eyes, just yards away on the other side of a glass window while I stand in a hallway with his sleeping child strapped to my chest.

I see that Christina is talking animatedly; although I can't see her face, I know by the way her shoulders and head move. She is now only using one hand to hold Tobias's while the other moves in the air as though she is trying to make her point.

But my attention is mainly on him. He's watching her, concentrating on what she is saying. I watch as he nods his head, as though to acknowledge that he is listening.

Christina shrugs her shoulders while pausing to breathe, and then her free hand reaches across to touch the bandage on his head. Tobias makes a conflicted face and then he pulls his head back away from her, his face then turning in my direction.

He sees me, and our eyes meet. I am still in shock, I can only imagine my face is expressionless.

All I can do is watch him, as his eyes widen at seeing me. A look of dread washes over his face.

I think about leaving. My legs want to carry me away, carry Andy with me. We can just escape. Get away from here.

And do what, I don't know.

No. I will not run. I need to be brave.

I'm suddenly angry. Angry and hurt. Within seconds, I am opening the door and storming into the room. Both Tobias and Christina look startled.

I say nothing, I just look at them both. My face is cold, and I feel detached, emotionless even.

Tobias speaks first. "Tris! This isn't...I mean..." He fumbles over his words while watching me. I arch an eyebrow, still frowning. "Christina was called when I was brought into the hospital. I just never thought to update my emergency contacts list for work. So, Evelyn and Christina were both called..."

My eyes have since shifted to her; she is standing and grabbing her purse off the chair by his bed. She has not looked in my direction even once since she saw me walk into the room.

When she finally turns to leave, she is forced to look at me. She is frowning, and I see how her eyes immediately shift to look at Andy. I cross my arms around him protectively.

She finally looks up at me. "Tris."

"Was the chair by Tobias's bed broken?" I ask her coldly.

Tobias is quiet; he looks so freaked out. Christina scoffs at my comment. "I'd better go. This isn't what it looks like Tris...it's good to see you." Her voice is cold and condescending.

"Yeah, it's been a while. The last time I saw you was after that party, when you lied and made me believe that Tobias was still screwing you," I say while staring at her. A memory of drunk, nasty Christina flashes through my mind.

Christina's face falls. "Look, I feel bad about that night. I was so drunk...I know that—"

I put up my hand to silence her. "I don't even want to hear your voice. Just get the hell out."

"This isn't your room, Tris. I don't take orders from you," Chris snaps at me.

"Christina, I want you to leave. I'm sorry you were called. Please don't come back," Tobias says from his bed. His voice is firm, but not cold.

Christina rolls her eyes at me. She turns to Tobias. "Bye, Tobias. I do hope you feel better soon." She walks out before he even responds.

Although she has left the room, the weight of her presence still pushes down on my chest. I feel as though I am in a fog.

I'm also seething mad.

Tobias and I stare at each other. I look at him, the man who just this morning made love to me against a bathroom wall in the most incredible, mind-blowing way. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. And now...I feel sick. I feel like I am nothing.

Tobias's eyes are wide, he looks terrified. And then he starts talking.

"Tris...I know that looked bad. Believe me, I know. I didn't call her...my work did. I didn't even remember I had listed her as an emergency contact..."

His voice trails off as he looks at me, his eyes desperately searching mine for a reaction.

I know the sooner that Tobias gets to see Andy, the sooner I can leave. Turning my attention to Andy, I realize I need to wake him so that he can drink his bottle. I gently pull him out of the carrier, kissing his head to help wake him. Andy stirs, and holding him in my arms instantly calms me. I pull the baby close and love on him. I can almost feel my stress melting away.

Almost.

I can feel Tobias watching us, but I am still not ready to deal with him. My lips are pursed tightly closed because I am afraid of the hateful things I will say.

I am so hurt. I'm angry. How dare he allow that woman to sit so close to him, to touch him...?

Tobias clears his throat, and begins telling me about the accident. He describes that it happened so fast, the bus reared off the road and then flipped. He was thankful that all of his coworkers are okay. I nod my head in agreement, it's the first response he has gotten from me.

I let him talk, the baby is awake and I need to mix his powder formula into the baby bottle of water I had already premeasured. I walk over to the chair that is on the side of the room, it's the furthest from Tobias's bed.

Tobias frowns. "Tris, please...come sit by me. I wish you would come closer to me." His eyes plead with me as he touches his bed. His hand is touching the same spot where her ass was just planted as she held his hand. Of course he would want me to sit there — short of straddling him, it's the closest spot to him.

I look at him with disdain. "I have no desire to sit in Christina's spot, on your bed."

He cringes, as though I just slapped him.

Good, maybe now he has an inkling of how I felt seeing them.

His lips purse, and now he looks annoyed. "Damn it, Tris! Is that really—"

"Hello! I finally made it!" Evelyn says as she swoops into the room.

Tobias and I stare each other down. I am furious and he is getting frustrated. I know we will not argue in front of his mother. I turn my attention away from him and kiss the baby who is now awake. I hand the bottle of water and formula packet to Evelyn and ask if she would please stir it for me.

Evelyn immediately notices the tension in the room as her eyes dart back and forth between us. She quickly complies with my request.

Evelyn works hard to fill the uncomfortable silence. She is kind to us both and asks each of us questions.

"How long will you need to be in the hospital, son?" she asks him.

Tobias is watching me as he answers, "Two nights. They are insisting I stay for observation since it was a work-related head injury. They will run some more tests tomorrow, and if all is clear, then I can leave the following day."

"That's great, son. Tris, would you like me to feed the baby? You look so tired," she offers. I can tell she is trying to make things okay for us.

"Actually, I plan to head out soon. Tobias should feed the baby, so he can spend some time with Andy before we leave." I steal a quick glance at Tobias as I say it.

His eyes widen at hearing I plan to leave soon. "Mother, would you please take Andy for a walk? Give him his bottle in the waiting room? Tris and I have some issues we need to work out."

I purse my lips, but I know there is no getting out of this. Evelyn looks nervously between us. I give her a forced smile and hand her the baby. She nods and takes Andy, who wants his bottle.

As the door shuts behind them, Tobias and I lock eyes.

We have a lot to talk about.

++o++

The moment Evelyn and Andy are out of the room, Tobias begins pleading with me. I am numb; I instantly regret letting Evelyn take the baby out of the room. I should have just cut this visit short and left.

"Tris. Please...I can feel that you are ready to bolt. Above all else, remember that I chose you," Tobias says, sounding anxious.

He knows me well, I am seconds away from running out the door. Our eyes meet, and I quickly look away...I feel my heart pounding in my chest.

Tobias sighs before he continues. "It was a shock to me that Chris came here. Tris, listen to me...she was only here minutes before you arrived, five at most!"

I look at him and raise my eyebrows. So she just got here. Well, that's something at least.

Tobias exhales slowly before continuing, my eyes immediately snap up to meet his. His Adam's apple bobs before he speaks. "Christina and I will never be good friends again, but I do have a lot of history with her...and I am not talking about the one month that she and I dated...more important is the year that she was my close friend. I keep remembering that if she hadn't stopped me from taking that memory serum...I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have you and Andy. I wouldn't be me – I wouldn't have my family...which revolves around you, Tris."

I just stare at him, waiting to hear where he is going with this. My face is emotionless, although I am screaming with nerves on the inside.

He frowns at me, as though he was looking for me to have some kind of a reaction.

He sighs softly before continuing, "Tris, I love you. I want a life with you. Thinking you were dead was the worst year of my life. I just can't forget that she was my friend during that time, when I needed her the most."

His voice is thick with emotion. "That's the reason why, when she was here in the hospital and talking to me...I didn't immediately shut her down. I felt that I owed it to her, to hear what she had to say. And like I said, she wasn't even here five minutes."

"That's all," he finishes. He looks at me with such desperation in his eyes. As though he is willing me to understand or to accept this.

A few moments of silence pass between us. I use the time to calm myself enough to be able to speak with some semblance of normalcy. I push the rage and hurt I feel down. I can't lose control. Pushing my feelings away until I am merely present, I swallow the screams that threaten to escape.

"Yeah, I saw. I guess Christina needed to sit on your bed and hold your hand to talk," I say coldly.

Tobias closes his eyes to think for a moment. "Tris, you are my life, we have to work this out. Please talk to me, we need to fix this, not just exchange snide comments. I need you...forever..."

I open my mouth to yell at him, how dare he let that bitch sit on his bed and touch him. Suddenly, the door to his room is flung open.

A very annoyed-looking nurse stomps in with Evelyn and Andy walking in behind her. Evelyn mouths "sorry."

"Excuse me, but this is unacceptable. Young lady, you can't be in here without checking in, and more importantly, under no circumstances are babies allowed in this area of the hospital. You are breaking protocol!" the nurse admonishes me.

I nod my head and apologize.

"I'm sorry, when I arrived I was so worried about him that I just ran to his room to see that he was okay. I was wrong to do that, I apologize if I caused any issues," I say, frowning.

The nurse sighs and nods. "Thank you for apologizing. What I will need is for you to come with me. We will need to have you sign in for the time that you actually did arrive. This hospital has protocols in place that are very strict about accurate arrival and departure times of visitors."

"I understand, of course...I'll do that now." I turn to Evelyn and Tobias; he looks at me sadly. "Evelyn, could you give the baby to Tobias and then get his diaper bag packed up?"

"Of course, dear," says Evelyn, handing Tobias the baby. Tobias hugs and kisses Andy, but his eyes are still watching me. He looks worried.

"I'm ready," I say as I follow the nurse out of Tobias's hospital room.

++o++

"Sorry, dear, I didn't mean to snap at you earlier...with the bus crash, among some other accidents today...the ER has been a zoo!" the nurse walking ahead of me calls over her shoulder as I navigate to keep up with her.

I sigh, my mind is on my own personal problems...checking in as a visitor is the least of my worries. "You don't need to apologize, I am the one that made a mistake. My name is Tris, by the way."

She stops and smiles at me. "My name is Nurse Gabriela. Nice to meet you, Tris. Come on, we will get this fixed in no time."

We arrive to the main ER lobby and Nurse Gabriela pulls me off to the side. She has me fill out a form with my name, ID number, and age. She checks it over and then brings me to the visitor check-in station, explaining that the long line is for people that need to see a doctor or get general health care.

"We don't allow babies in the Emergency Room because it's a liability. We just have too many unknowns in this part of the hospital. We have a separate entrance for the Children's Hospital, hopefully you'll never need to use it!" she says. I smile and nod.

"And the truth is...we had a terrible situation at this hospital a few months ago. Someone made it past the lobby without checking in and assaulted a staff member. There is a huge lawsuit now; it was just a very unfortunate incident. We have been given specific instructions on the check-in and check-out process, and we are being strictly audited. That's why having you come back with me to check in correctly is necessary," she explains to me.

I nod, it makes sense. "So, what will I need to do next?"

"Well, we have to mark your entrance to the Emergency Room to the actual minute. So I will need to rewind the video surveillance footage in order to see you on camera and mark that time. Do you have an approximate idea of how long ago you arrived?" Nurse Gabriela asks, handing me the large sign-in binder and asking me to open it to the last page of recorded signatures.

"Um, let's see...it is 4:10 PM now, so I would say about twenty or thirty minutes ago." I say, as I fumble to open the binder and find the last page of sign-ins.

Nurse Gabriela immediately begins rewinding the footage and searching for me. She reminds me not to list any time on the sheet until she confirms the exact time. I ask her if I can start filling in my other information, and she says that would be great.

As I find the last page on the binder and lay it flat, I begin filling in my information on the last available line. I don't even know why I looked for Christina's line; it wasn't a conscious decision. I was unsure what the column "Dependents" meant, so I glanced up to see what other people had filled in. Turns out it was just another place to list the name of the patient with whom we were visiting.

That's when I saw, five entries above mine, the line where Christina had signed in. She clearly listed Tobias Eaton. What shocked me was seeing the time listed. Tobias told me she arrived five minutes before I did. Her check in time said 2:13 PM.

My mind is racing. Did he lie to me? There is no way that I arrived as early as two-something.

"Ok, I found you! Tris, please come look at the screen...I have you at 3:48 PM." Nurse Gabriela turns the screen for me to look at it. I see myself rushing through the halls with Andy strapped to me. I nod my head. My heart is pounding, I feel as though the room is spinning.

"Gabriela, could you help me, please? I need to check something..." I struggle to get the words out. I am so upset, I can feel my face flush with anger and hurt.

"Tris...are you okay? What's wrong?" she asks me, looking concerned.

"Would you please rewind the tape further and look at the time 2:13 PM?" I plead. "I need to see something with my own eyes."

She raises her eyebrows and pulls the binder towards her; I had already written in the correct time for me. She nods at that, and then with her finger she finds the line that lists 2:13 PM. She scans the entire line that is Christina's, which also lists Tobias Eaton as the person that was visited.

She frowns at me, her eyes filled with pity. And then she slowly releases air through her lips.

After clearing her throat, "Well...part of my job is to do a random spot check and self-audit. I have yet to do one this week. So I am going to do one right now. If you don't mind waiting with me, I will print out your visitor badge after?"

I nod, my eyes wet with tears. If he lied to me...I don't know what I'll do. How would I ever move past this? How would I ever be able to look at him again, let alone trust him?

I watch as Nurse Gabriela gets out a self-audit form, and she picks Christina's sign-in time. She moves the screen so I can watch behind her shoulder, I hold my breath as she slowly rewinds the footage.

At 2:10 PM, Christina arrives to the front of the line to check in. I watch on the screen as she looks around, so agitated and worried. Her body language shows her concern as she desperately asks for information. She is printed a badge and then she signs the binder at exactly 2:13 PM.

Nurse Gaby even plays with the cameras to follow Christina through the halls as she walks straight to Room P-0114 and enters.

He lied. He fucking lied to me.

Christina didn't arrive five minutes before me. She arrived just over an hour and a half before.

I'm such an idiot, such a gullible fool. I close my eyes and remember how she sat right next to Tobias on his bed, holding his hand as though she belonged there.

Maybe she does. Maybe I am the one that doesn't belong.

"Tris, honey. Take a tissue, dear." Nurse Gabriela's voice snaps me back to reality. I didn't even realize that I had tears streaming down my face. I am devastated.

She leads me to a back room so I can sit in a chair. I hold my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking as I cry.

What was it he was just telling me, about how important her friendship is to him? His words replay in my mind. "Thinking you were dead was the worst year of my life. I just can't forget that she was my friend during that time, when I needed her the most." Replacing my sadness is a rage that consumes me. He must think I am so fucking stupid. So expendable.

I blow my nose and wipe my tears away. I thank the nurse for her kindness and ask for my badge.

I walk slowly back to P-0114 and I enter the room quietly, making sure to avert my eyes away from Tobias. Even when he calls my name and asks me to talk, I ignore him. I smile sadly at Evelyn as I zip the diaper bag closed while throwing the strap over my shoulder. She looks concerned, her brows furrowing when she sees my eyes. It dawns on me that it is probably obvious that I have just been crying. I situate the carrier and then walk over to Tobias, who is watching me intently.

I won't look at his face. I silently take Andy from him and place him in the carrier. Andy squeals with delight when he sees me.

I bite back a sob when I hold my son; more painful than my own hurt is knowing that what happens between Tobias and me will always impact this little baby.

After Andy is situated, I take a deep breath to calm myself.

"I guess I'll see you when you are released," I mumble as I start to back away. I can't deal with Tobias now, not with the baby and Evelyn in the room.

Tobias sounds so upset. "Wait, Tris. What? I am not going to be released for another two days...I mean...what!?"

I turn to begin walking out, I've had enough of this. I've had enough of Tobias. I need to get away.

"Tris! Please!!! Don't do this. Please don't leave, not like this. We need to talk," he pleads with me, the sound of his voice making my heart pound. I am both mad and devastated at the same time.

I get to the door and open it, I turn around and stare straight at him. He sees my puffy eyes for the first time, I see the pain immediately reflecting back in his.

"Why have you been crying? Tris, did something happen?" he asks quietly.

With the very last amount of strength I have left, I quietly tell him, "I really hope her friendship is worth it to you."

I turn and walk out of his room without another word or glance, quietly shutting the door behind me.

As I walk through the halls, devastated over what has happened, I think about the secret I'm keeping from Tobias. I had been planning to tell him what I had just discovered.

Now I'm not so sure. Some things are best kept hidden.

++o++ Chapter End ++o++


	26. CH 26: Hospital Stay

CH 26: Hospital Stay

Date: Early June +o+ Baby is 8 months old

^^ Moments Later ^^

*Tobias POV*

I blink rapidly, my mind and heart trying to comprehend what just happened.

I can't help but focus on the look on her face, her eyes puffy and red as though she had just been crying. No, crying is not the right word...as though she had been sobbing. Did something happen between the time she left the room to sign in and when she walked back?

There's something about the way she quietly said, "I really hope her friendship is worth it to you" that sends shivers up my spine.

What did she mean? Was she breaking up with me? Ending what we have...our family?! Is she really doing this? This is my worst nightmare. And here I am, trapped in this bed, unable to chase after her.

I feel a sudden ache in my heart, so painful that I bury my face in my hands to try and push the feelings away.

"Tobias, are you okay? What on earth is going on with you and Tris?" Evelyn asks. For once, her questions do not irritate me. I look up and see that she looks genuinely concerned - alarmed, even.

"Mother, it's just...complicated," I mumble. I realize in that moment that I feel ashamed. I dread the thought of telling my mother what Tris saw when she arrived: Christina, sitting next to me on my bed, holding my hand.

Evelyn sighs. "It always is. You don't have to talk to me, but I just hope whatever is going on between you two..." She pauses to gather her words. "I hope you can fix things. Tris looked devastated."

"Yeah, well, she obviously has no intention of coming back to see me while I am stuck in this hospital. You heard her!" I snap. I am so hurt; even if Tris is upset with me, to turn away from me and leave me in the hospital without her?

My mother lets out an exaggerated sigh. "You are being a little dramatic. She has Andy to take care of, and she isn't allowed to bring him here. What would you like her to do?"

"Evelyn, let's be real. Baby or no baby, Tris has no desire to see me right now. I think that was pretty clear," I say grumpily.

"I guess that can be explained by the 'complicated' things you don't want to talk about," my mother reminds me with a smirk.

I frown and stare out my window. I hate being trapped in this bed. I have so many wires and patches stuck to me, monitoring me.

Tris. I need you.

"You know, sometimes I forget how young both you and Tris still are. You have been through a lot, yes. But nonetheless, she is only eighteen. I want to try and explain something you may never truly understand. It can be very hard becoming a mother, and in her case, a stay at home mom, moving back to a town that has changed so much, with no real friends of her own..." My frown deepens. I have no idea what she is talking about.

I have no idea what she is talking about

I spend so much time with Tris and Andy. We are almost always together.

Evelyn sees the face I am making and just shakes her head. "All I am trying to tell you is that sometimes being a mother can feel very isolating."

I listen to her, and I although I don't understand, I want to. I don't want to hurt Tris, I want her to be happy.

Evelyn begins looking through my dinner order sheet, as though this conversation is over and she is done talking to me.

"I love her, more than I ever thought I was capable of...I...I can't lose her," I say quietly.

She puts the sheet down and smiles at me. "I know, Tobias. I've always known that. The war is over, and now you and Tris need to navigate living in the real world."

"The real world? What does that mean?" I ask curtly.

"What I am trying to say is that you need to cherish Tris. You need to be careful with her. Death is not the only thing that can tear apart two people who love each other."

The look on Tris's face when she saw me and Christina flashes through my mind.

I tried to make excuses to justify what she saw, but then the look on her face, as though she was just dying to get the fuck away from me...

"I really hope her friendship is worth it to you."

What have I done?

I won't lose her. I can't.

++o++

"Well, shit, I'm so glad I left work early to come over here to see you, Four!" Zeke scowls at me. "You grumpy asshole."

He is right. I am in the worst possible mood. I hate this place, I got no sleep last night, and every minute that passes without Tris bothering to call me - let alone see me - grates on my nerves more and more.

"Why are you here? Who even told you I was here? Was it Tris?" I finish hopefully.

"Um, Tris? Yeah, no. I don't think she even has my number," Zeke laughs.

I frown. "Of course it wasn't Tris. She is probably busy packing all her stuff so she can leave me. I'll come home to an empty apartment - no Tris and no Andy, but if I'm really lucky, she might just leave me the plant we bought at the farmers' market." I mumble angrily.

I need to stop. I'm acting like a crazy person.

"Four?!" Zeke says. "Seriously, man, are you OK?"

"Sorry," I sigh. "I'm not having a great couple of days."

"Well, to answer your question, Christina called me. She had her feathers all ruffled from her run-in with Tris. And she did not appreciate you asking her to leave, either," Zeke finishes.

I stare at him blankly. Christina? I haven't given her, or what she may be thinking or feeling, a second thought since she left. I just shake my head; I have enough problems with Tris.

"I don't know why Chris even came here or why she would care. Yeah, she got a call. But she had to have known that was a mistake on my part. Why would I want to still have her be my emergency contact?" I say.

I groan. Things have gotten so complicated. And my lack of both sleep and pain medication is not helping.

"Look, man, you are my best friend. I'm always gonna be on 'Team Four,' OK? Just talk to me, or don't. Either way, I'm on your side," Zeke promises me.

"Thank you. Seriously, I mean that," I mumble, the heavy feeling starting to weigh down on me again. How can I explain to Zeke how worried I am about Tris? The truth is that I am scared shitless while simultaneously being mad at her.

"Zeke, I am really worried about Tris and how she is feeling right now, but there is also a part of me that is really angry with her. I've proven myself and my love for her again and again. When have I ever given her a reason not to trust me? I've never lied to her. It's as though my actions will always be in question because of something I did while everyone thought she was dead." I close my eyes to calm myself; I am upset and angry, but I also don't want to tear her down. I still love her. "I'm just frustrated. I'm pissed that she is not here. She is supposed to love me, yet she can't be bothered to check on me!"

"You know, there isn't a manual for the 'Girlfriend Back from the Dead' scenario. This shit between you, Tris and Christina - there just isn't a win-win for everyone. It's a tough situation, period," Zeke assures me.

Hearing him put it that way calms me. It reminds me that this is complicated.

Tris and I, we love each other. We need to work through it.

"Zeke, I won't let her go. I can't."

"So where is Tris now?" Zeke asks carefully.

I frown, and tell him my side of what happened. His eyes widen when I admit that she walked in while Christina was sitting on my hospital bed and holding my hand. I also tell him how I tried to explain to her why I was in that position in the first place.

"Wow," Zeke mumbles, shaking his head. "You said that to Tris? I mean, did you mean to say that?"

"What?" I ask, not seeing the issue.

"Look, friends are important. But I know for me, there is no one's friendship that I would ever put ahead of Shauna," Zeke says softly. It's not said with judgment, but I can tell he is being careful with his words.

"Zeke, I would never put Christina ahead of Tris. There is absolutely no competition there." I sigh remembering what happened. "I woke up after hours of testing and being drugged up to find Christina sitting on my hospital bed. I was shocked to see her. She told me she had just arrived, and that she woke me up so we could talk."

Zeke nods for me to continue.

"She was emotional from the start, and I was caught off guard. When she held my hand, I didn't feel anything romantic towards her. If I am being honest...I pitied her. I was listening to her while trying to decide how quickly I could pull my hand away without upsetting her." I scowl remembering.

"It was just minutes that she was in my room. She brought up Andy first, and she told me she was still shocked that Tris and I had a baby. Not much I could say to that," I grunt, frowning at Zeke.

"Wow, that's tough. You know I care about Christina, too. I know this has all been really hard for her. I've tried to tell her that she needs to just move on," Zeke tells me.

"The only other thing we had a chance to talk about was her explaining she got a call as I still had her listed as my emergency contact, and she said she had been so worried that I was seriously injured. The timing was just awful. Chris leaned in to touch the bandage on my head. I knew that was too much, too personal, so I pulled away..." I cringe painfully as I nod towards the window. "That's when I saw Tris. She was just watching us through the hallway window."

"Shit," Zeke mumbles.

"The look on her face, Zeke... I'm so fucked. I'm really worried, and I have this sick feeling. She doesn't want to see me while I'm here, and to be honest, I'm not even sure if we are still together," I admit painfully.

"Four, come on. Tris is your woman. You are - don't take this the wrong way - you are pretty much obsessed with that girl." He laughs at me. "You both are going to work this out. You have to. Period."

I want to be mad at his accusation about my being obsessed, but I know he is right.

"Don't even get me started about that night at the Bureau. I've not forgotten that! You and Tris...I will never ever be able to get those sexy-time sounds out of my mind. I told Shauna about it. I simply couldn't resist. She literally started choking on a piece of toast." Zeke laughs mischievously.

"What the fuck, Zeke!" I yell, my face flaming red.

"Sorry! But I needed to tell someone, I had to." Zeke shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't look very sorry. Asshole.

I clear my throat, no time like the present. "I am counting on Tris and me working this out, so there is something I want to talk to you about."

Zeke nods for me to continue.

"It's time for Tris to get back into the fold. I want her to hang out with my group of friends - you, Shauna, Cara and Matthew. I mean, before she 'died' to save all of Chicago, she was an important part of the group," I add.

Zeke nods carefully. I can tell by his body language he has reservations.

"What?" I ask.

Zeke smiles, "I think Tris is amazing. But I also don't think you should try to force this. At least with me, I get the feeling that Tris doesn't really like me."

I sigh. I'm not sure Zeke is wrong.

"Do you think we can at least try? I'd like to set up a gathering that is not in a bar so that Tris and my son can come," I state firmly.

Zeke's shoulders relax and he breaks into a huge smile, "You are absolutely right. And I will tell you that Shauna has told me numerous times that she wants to spend some time with Andy."

I nod, smiling as we brainstorm ideas of what would be a good time and place.

Zeke smiles wickedly. "Tris won't be offended if Shauna asks her for details about your sex life, right?"

Oh, hell no.

++o++

I feel more confident after my talk with Zeke. I need to be brave. I need to call her.

I pick up the hospital phone and dial the apartment phone. I know it is late enough that Tris will be either feeding Andy dinner or getting him ready for bed.

Tris picks up on the second ring.

"Hey," I say tentatively, my heart pounding in my chest. I've never been so nervous to make a call.

"Hi, Tobias...um, how are you?" she asks quietly. I hate how sad she sounds.

"I've been better," I admit. I cringe at the silence I receive back on the phone.

I desperately rack my brain to try to break the silence. Why is this so hard? It's Tris and me.

"Andy is here, is it ok if I put you on speakerphone so he can hear your voice?"

A wave of sadness rolls over me; I miss her and I miss my son.

"Tobias? Is that ok?" she asks me again.

"Yeah, of course. But I want to talk to you after. I just want-"

She interrupts, "I'm not ready to talk to you, and I also don't want to get into things over the phone. Can you just talk to Andy now?"

I bite my lip to control myself from telling her what I really think: no, it's not ok. But I know pushing her is not going to work. She will dig her heels in if I push her too hard.

"Ok. Put me on with Andy, then," I say calmly.

She puts me on speakerphone and the baby squeals. He is such a happy baby. I tell Andy I love him and I miss him. I even sing him a couple of songs. I do hear Tris giggle in the background. She even joins me for the last song.

I can hear on the phone that Tris is getting him into his pajamas so she can put him to bed for the night.

She takes me off speakerphone. "You sound good, Tobias. I'm glad you are feeling well."

"Yeah, the tests pretty much cleared me. I will be able to check out tomorrow after my doctor does his rounds and sees me and signs off. It looks like it will be the late afternoon..." My voice trails off.

"Ok, that's good news," she says.

I finally can't take it anymore.

"Tris, do you miss me?" I ask, my voice sounding as desperate as I feel.

She's quiet, and I can hear her sniffling.

After a moment, she replies, "Tobias, I always miss you when we are apart."

Just then the baby starts crying. "I have to go. We'll talk tomorrow," she says quietly.

"I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too."

I hang the phone up. I have hope, but I also feel sad we are here.

I close my eyes. Sleep can't come soon enough.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	27. CH 27: Home Sweet Home

CH 27: Home Sweet Home

+++o+++ +++o+++

Chapter Disclaimer:

This chapter includes mature adult themes. Topics include depression, suicide, as well as adult consensual sexual situations.

At the start and end of the adult sexual situation I will use this symbol: /XXOO/

+++o+++ +++o+++

CH 27: Home Sweet Home

Date: Early June +o+ Baby is 8+ months old

^^ Next Day^^

*Tobias POV*

I breathe in and out as I quickly walk down Michigan Avenue. I was released from the hospital hours before anyone expected. The doctor doing the final review of my test results and injuries ended up doing rounds much earlier than scheduled.

Tris had agreed to bring Andy and meet up with me when I was released from the hospital, but when I called her with the sudden news that I was leaving right then, she sounded like she was caught off guard. Lately, I find myself overanalyzing the tone of every word that leaves her mouth.

The truth is, I'm not quite sure where we stand. And that makes me both nervous and heartbroken.

Tris told me on the phone that she and Andy had just arrived at Millennium Park, but that I should wait for her while she packed him up and rushed over to the hospital. Instead, I told her I'd leave on my own and just join them at the park.

As I arrive at the park, I'm reminded of our first real date — it feels like a lifetime ago. Millennium Park has been fully renovated and restored since then. I quickly scan the lawn, looking for Tris and Andy as I walk towards the mammoth metal structure. I know she has set up a blanket and an umbrella to help block the sun, so I should be able to spot her easily.

My heart thumps loudly in my chest when I see them. Tris has Andy in the center of the blanket and is feeding him an early lunch of baby food from a jar. Her back is to me, so I stand back and watch them for a few minutes. In this moment, I vow to do whatever it takes not to lose her — not to lose them. My family.

Tris is wearing khaki shorts and a navy tank top, her hair up in a messy bun. The baby is wearing shorts and a onesie, and his little shoes are off, tossed to the side. She laughs and teases the baby sweetly, while he looks at his mother with adoration. Her concentration is on Andy; she has not looked around for me even once. I push away my desire to scrutinize her actions.

"Tris," I announce myself as I step closer to them. She tenses at hearing my voice. "Hey," I say nervously as I arrive at the edge of their blanket.

I watch as she steadies herself before looking up at me. "Hi, Tobias," she says cheerfully. Almost too cheerfully. I can see that her eyes look so sad, which in turn makes me sad.

I lean down and kiss her on the cheek; she then averts her eyes back to the baby. She is still upset with me, that much is clear.

"May I join you both?" I ask hesitantly, uncertain enough that I don't want to just assume.

"Of course." She clears a space for me on the blanket, away from her so that Andy and his diaper bag are in the middle. "Andy is almost done with his snack, and then I know he would like a big hug and kiss from his daddy."

"Say hi to Dada," she whispers while turning Andy to face me. He smiles at me and claps. I smile back.

"Um, Tris...we should talk," I blurt as her back stiffens.

She clears her throat, her eyes meeting mine. "I know, I just don't want to do it with Andy right here. Let's just wait...please?"

I nod my head. My anxiety is starting to get the best of me.

'I hope her friendship is worth it to you' rings loudly in my mind. I don't want to imagine the worst, but it's possible that it was her way of ending things between us. Are we even still a couple?

No. No, I can't think that way.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Tris gently touches my forehead wound; her eyes reflect concern.

"It's not as bad as it looks. I promise. I've been cleared for all physical activity. I'm fine," I assure her.

She nods and smiles. I know she loves me. I see it in her eyes.

"I'm glad you're ok, Tobias," she whispers as her hand slowly glides down my cheek and cups my face. I pull her hand to my lips and kiss her palm firmly.

Tris tells me her good news: although she couldn't make it out to the Bureau because of the accident, she did a phone session with therapist Kelly White. It went well, and Kelly is going to intervene to help Tris find a therapist in Chicago. Tris looks happy.

Good. I tell her how much therapy helped me when I was at the Bureau, so much that I wish I'd gone earlier. She quickly kisses me; she knows I was in therapy during a dark time for us.

"If you ever want me to go to a session with you, I'd be happy to. I'd do anything for you, Tris," I promise her.

She stares deep into my eyes. "I know, Tobias. I've always known. Thank you."

She kisses my cheek, which makes Andy giggle with delight.

We spend time with Andy, making him the focus of our attention. An energetic puppy suddenly dashes over to us, the animal very intrigued by the baby. A set of teenagers approach and ask if it's ok for their puppy to socialize with Andy. Tris looks to me for my thoughts; I agree, but pull the baby onto my lap so I can have more control.

Both the puppy, a small black and tan Dachshund, and Andy instantly bond. It's really cute to watch.

It's really cute to watch

"Thanks so much. They say puppies should be around babies and little kids as early as possible so they can get comfortable. We just don't know any kids!" the girl says, laughing. She looks to be about twelve or thirteen. Her older brother nods in agreement, but I notice his eyes haven't left Tris. He is probably fifteen or sixteen at most.

"So, are you his nanny? Do you come to this park often?" he asks Tris. I notice his sister rolling her eyes when she thinks no one is looking.

"We are this little guy's parents. She may look young, but we are both old enough to have a baby," I answer, in a polite, non-confrontational way.

The boy's eyes immediately look at Tris's empty ring finger before he shrugs. Obviously, knowing now that Tris is a mom, he has placed her in an untouchable category. Both teens smile warmly while teaching the puppy the words 'gentle' and 'baby'.

Andy is squealing with delight as the puppy runs around and licks his bare feet. The teens laugh at Andy, too, telling us he is the cutest baby ever.

"Do you guys have any dogs at home?" the girl asks.

"Uh, noooo," Tris laughs.

I shrug my shoulders and grin. "Who knows, maybe one day we'll get a dog."

When I see a frown pass Tris's face, I suddenly feel sick. I'm pretty sure her doubt is over our future and not the thought of a possible dog. Tris quickly looks away and pets the puppy, again looking sad.

After a while, Andy falls asleep in my arms, and the teens leash up the puppy and wave goodbye.

"He's had a long day, a little nap may do him some good. Do you want to lay him on the blanket?"

I nod at Tris to agree. This time, I place Andy on the side of the blanket so he is not right in the middle of us.

Once we are sure he is situated safely and the umbrella is blocking the sun, I place his diaper bag on his other side.

I look at Tris sitting nervously on the far side of the blanket. I gently grasp her hand and pull her closer to me.

"Can we just snuggle for a little bit? I can't tell you how much I've missed you," I whisper softly in her ear before kissing her cheek.

Her eyes meet mine, and although the sadness is still there, I also see the love. She nods yes as I move her and lay her down in the middle of the blanket, between me and our sleeping son.

I lie on my side next to her so I can gaze down at her. She looks beautiful, her loose bun allowing for long wisps of her blond hair to float in the wind.

Suddenly her hand is touching my cheek, her gaze lingering on my lips. It's all the invitation I need to lean down and kiss her tenderly. We share very sweet, gentle kisses.

"I love you, Tris. Forever," I croon in her ear before kissing her raven tattoos softly. When I meet her eyes, my heart lurches. She looks heartbroken, her eyes glazed over with tears.

She quickly looks away, furiously blinking to hide her emotions.

"I've been trying to wait until we get home, but the sadness I see in your eyes is killing me, Tris. Please talk to me. Please," I implore her softly, my voice thick with emotion.

Her eyes meet mine, no longer filled with tears. "Running through that hospital, frantically trying to reach your room, only to see...what I saw," she pauses to compose herself. "Was not pleasant. Nor something I am going to forget anytime soon."

There is a sudden coldness in her eyes, and I can sense how close she is to shutting me out and pushing me right out of her life. She does that when she is hurting, to protect herself.

I meet her gaze straight on. "I won't downplay what you saw. And looking back, I am sorry I allowed myself to be in that position, even if Christina was only in my room for a few minutes. I owe you an apology. I truly am sorry."

Tris's face suddenly becomes expressionless as she nods once and then sits up. "I don't want to start this conversation now. It's getting late. Let's pack up."

She ignores me and begins getting Andy and his bag ready. I can't control myself. I pull her towards me and firmly kiss her lips.

I pull away, staring into her eyes. "We will talk later, but know this: I adore you, Tris Prior. You are my life, and I'll never stop fighting for you. I'll never stop fighting for us. Got it?"

Her eyes tear up and she nods her head in understanding. Good. I've said what I needed to say to her.

"Come here." Tris pulls me down to kiss her on the lips. "I'm really hurt, but I do want to work things out with you."

"I wish we were alone right now," I whisper as my arms wrap around her waist. I desire nothing more than to take her quickly and make her scream my name in pleasure; I'm desperate for her.

She giggles and reminds me that I always wish we were alone.

We pack up the blanket and bag, and then load a sleeping Andy into his stroller.

We are quiet but content as we walk home. I carry the folded-up umbrella, while everything else attaches to Andy's stroller. I rub Tris's back and arms while she pushes the stroller, making it a point to never lose contact with her. I give her butt little squeezes when there is no one around.

As we ride the elevator up to our floor, Tris moves to wrap her arms around me, resting her cheek on my chest. I kiss her forehead and gaze at our beautiful baby who is sleeping so soundly.

This is my family, and I'll never let them go.

Never.

++o++

I hold our door open as Tris pushes the stroller inside and enters the apartment ahead of me. I peek into the stroller to make sure Andy is still sleeping soundly as I lock its wheels.

I quickly close and lock the apartment door behind us. Pulling Tris into my arms, I hold her face with my hand, tilting her chin up so that our eyes meet. I try to make her understand with my gaze alone how much she means to me, to have her recognize my adoration for her. She gives me a small smile, her eyes unreadable. I pull her further into the apartment, pushing her against an empty wall as I slip my fingers along the inside seam of her khaki shorts. I begin pleasuring her, rubbing my fingers up and down her core.

XXOO

"Tobias," she whispers, clutching my shirt to stop the trembling of her hands. My other hand works to undo the buttons on my jeans, then I quickly push them and my boxers down my legs. Tris runs her fingers through my hair, her eyes staring intently into mine. She leans closer to me and pulls me into a slow kiss, eventually gliding her lips down to kiss my neck. "Tris," I grunt while frantically undoing her shorts. I push them and her panties down in one swoop, and Tris quickly steps out of them.

Her face is buried in my neck as I pull one of her legs up so she's half straddling me. I crouch down, and with one swift movement, I push into her, feeling her tightness surround me. Tris gasps loudly, digging her nails into my upper arms. I grab her butt and hoist her up as I begin to thrust; her breathing hitches as she holds on to me desperately.

Our coupling is frantic, and I begin to feel the pressure in my groin building. It feels amazing to have her wrapped around my cock, and I am suddenly so close to the edge. I realize that Tris hasn't come yet, which is unlike her. She is always very quick to get off, usually having multiple orgasms to my one.

Tris is looking away from me, her eyes fixed on the far wall. She closes her eyes, not noticing I'm watching her.

I slip my hand behind her slim neck, moving her face to look at me. Leaning my forehead against hers, "Tris, is everything okay? We can switch to another position," I say with concern.

Tris bites her lip nervously. "I don't know what's wrong."

I see in her eyes that she's not enjoying this. I'm not satisfying her, which has never happened to us before.

Anxiety courses through me, my breathing ragged as I desperately try to calm down and prevent myself from finishing.

"Wait. Let's move to the bed," I rasp while dropping her legs from around my waist. I place my hands on her hips and begin to guide her away from the wall.

"Tobias, no," she says forcefully, pulling me close to her again.

Wrapping her leg around me again, she says, "Let's finish here, against the wall."

She presses her sex against me while simultaneously biting my lower lip roughly. She knows me well — I lose all control, quickly thrusting into her. I slip my hand between us and begin circling her clit, frantically trying to pleasure her. Tris gasps and closes her eyes, as though concentrating on what I am trying to do.

It's not enough.

My orgasm rips through me as I close my eyes and moan her name.

XXOO

As my ragged breathing steadies and the euphoria passes, a sense of shame courses through me. Taking Tris against the wall was incredibly good for me, but I couldn't give her the same pleasure.

"Fuck, Tris, I'm so sorry. Give me a few—" I mumble sheepishly.

"Shhh, it's okay," Tris says calmly, wrapping her arms tightly around me and standing on her own two feet again after I slip out of her.

"But—" I start to protest. Tris cuts me off.

"Forget about it. It's just the stress of you being in the hospital. Part of me kept waiting for Andy to wake up at any moment," Tris says in a chirpy voice.

"Can we try again, later tonight?" I beg her.

Tris smiles and nods. We kiss gently before she slips past me to go clean herself up in the bathroom.

The dread I feel is overwhelming.

++o++

"I should be in terrible bus crashes more often," I teasingly call out to Tris as I set the dining room table.

"Ha, ha...so funny! I make your favorite meals all the time. You're just being dramatic," Tris scolds me on her way out of the kitchen, but I can hear the smile in her voice.

Tris reaches across me to place the salad bowl on the table, and I can't help but glance at her butt as she walks back into the kitchen to finish making our dinner. Sex with Tris has always been amazing, not just because of the way it feels for me, but also because I am able to watch her lose herself in her passion. I've never put much thought into it before, but I do get a sense of pride from being able to pleasure her.

I find my stomach is suddenly in knots — her silence on the subject is causing me anxiety. It kills me that she didn't enjoy it while it was so good for me; it makes me feel like a failure. Even though we both agreed not to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, I still can't help but feel guilty and selfish.

Fuck.

"How did they turn out? I used a different salsa this time. The store was out of the usual brand I buy," Tris says. It feels as though she is desperately trying to fill the silence with any kind of conversation.

"Hmmm...these are the best chicken enchiladas you've ever made. Thank you, baby," I compliment Tris as I shove another forkful into my mouth.

This is my favorite dish, and it means a lot that she planned this for my return.

She smiles at me as Andy plays with his food on the tray of his high chair. Every so often he smiles at Tris, blatantly tossing food on the floor while laughing at her and cooing 'Mama'.

"I missed having you at home with us, Tobias," she admits.

I clear my throat, thinking about the therapy term we both agreed to incorporate into our relationship: trust and communication. "It really hurt me when you didn't come to see me at the hospital." I pause to breathe in order to remain calm. "I know I wasn't in any danger, but it upset me that you stayed away. You even turned down Evelyn's offer to babysit..." My voice trails off. I'm uncomfortable bringing this up, but I also need to get it off my chest.

Tris meets my gaze straight on, listening carefully to my words. When I'm done talking, she nods in agreement before replying.

"I didn't do it to hurt you. I was devastated and in pain. I did check in with your mother often, to make sure you were doing well. So, I made the choice to take the time I needed to calm down and think," she says firmly and unapologetically.

I find myself smiling at her. "Does that amuse you?" she asks, surprised.

I take her hand in mine and kiss it. "No, not amused. I'm smiling because I'm happy you did what you needed to do. I want nothing more than to see you be strong."

Satisfied by that answer, she leans over and kisses me softly.

"When you came back into the room, then stormed out after saying, 'I really hope her friendship is worth it to you,' it freaked me out. Part of me worried you were breaking up with me," I admit, my throat tight.

Andy is distracted with his cereal puffs, completely ignoring Tris and me. She watches him silently for a moment before looking at me.

My heart is pounding in my chest as I wait for her to explain.

Tris slowly releases the breath she had been holding, then slips her hands into mine.

"Tobias, I've done a lot of thinking. I love you so much, but I will not stay in a relationship where I feel disrespected," she says firmly while meeting my gaze. I can see how serious she is.

"You having Christina plopped on your bed holding your hand — my ex-best friend, who you've had sex with — the same girl who lied to my face about still being with you, the one who rubbed in my face how amazing your sex life with her was...." Suddenly, Tris's eyes are flaming mad as she yanks her hands away.

I gulp, afraid of where this is going.

"Why the fuck do I even need to explain this shit to you?!" Tris quietly hisses at me, angry tears filling her eyes.

"The bottom line, Tobias... I will not stay in a relationship where I am disparaged. Most importantly, I will not set that example for my son. So you had better figure things out." She shakes her head as angry tears fall down her face.

"And if you can't figure this out, then I will figure it out for you," she says with finality, a look of determination on her face.

I watch her carefully to make sure she is done talking, then I pull her close to me. She resists at first, at least until she is sitting on my lap and my face is buried in her neck. Once we are close, I feel her body relax against mine. She has to know how much I love her. But she's right: I need to make smarter decisions and put her first.

She deserves that. And it's what I want to give her.

I choose her, again and again. I'll always choose her.

I calmly speak while holding her in my arms. "I keep going over what I said in the hospital and I realize I did a crappy job of explaining myself... and an even crappier job of telling you what actually happened. I'd like to try again now, if you are willing to listen."

Tris nods, encouraging me to speak.

"Christina was emotional from the start, and I was caught off guard. It's not an excuse, but it is the truth. When she held my hand, I didn't feel anything romantic towards her. If I am honest, I really just felt sorry for her. I was half listening to her while deciding how quickly I could pull my hand away without upsetting her even further." I scowl, remembering.

"When I told you about what her friendship had been to me, my intention was not to make you feel like she is part of some package deal. I only meant it as an explanation for my poor decision to let her sit on my bed and hold my hand — for any amount of time. If our roles were reversed, I would have been furious as well." I pull her closer to me, kissing her collarbone, her neck, her jaw... "I love you. And I'm sorry I hurt you. It wasn't fair of me."

I kiss her lips slowly. "I hope you can forgive me."

Tris wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly. "I love you too, and I want to forgive you. I do."

++o++

Hours later, Andy is asleep in his crib and we are getting ready for bed. I have to go back into the office tomorrow. Most of the team is at the Bureau now, so those of us who were in the bus accident are now holding down the fort in Chicago.

I think about Tris during my quick shower. I plan to seduce her as soon as I get her into my arms. Our earlier quickie is weighing heavily on my mind; I really want to pleasure her. Zeke and a few other guys have talked to me a lot about oral sex over the years, but it's nothing I have ever wanted to do to a woman before. It seems so... personal... to put my mouth on her sex. But I have decided that I want to experiment with Tris tonight, to try something new together that will bring us closer.

Tris took her shower earlier, and she is now wearing one of my shirts to sleep in. I slide up behind her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her body close to mine. I gently press against her so she can feel my arousal. She hums and turns her face to kiss me slowly.

After a few moments, I break away from our kiss and grin at her. She smiles back, her eyes dancing with excitement. I know she wants me, too.

"Tris, I really want to try something new tonight. Something special we can enjoy for the first time." I lean closer to her, and whisper softly in her ear. "I want to go down on you, I want to make you come. I can't wait to put my mouth on you... everywhere."

Tris immediately tenses up and tries to squirm out of my hold.

"Hey, it's ok. Trust me, Tris. I think it will feel amazing for you. I just want to make tonight about you. I really want to try it." Surprisingly, I find myself having to try and convince her.

Tris finally meets my eyes and makes a face, as though the idea is appalling to her.

"Hey." I pull her close to face me. "If you hate it, I promise we will stop right away."

She won't look at me now; she's glancing at the floor. I worry that I'm making her uncomfortable. Internally, I scold myself for badgering her.

"Tris, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you so hard to try this. Please forgive—"

"Tobias, please stop!" Tris interrupts me. She slowly breathes in and out. "Oral sex isn't new to me...James and I..."

My blood runs cold. James.

Of course — James fucking Wilton.

I freeze, my arms dropping to my sides. Our eyes connect, yet I feel oddly detached. Although I knew Tris and James had been physical, I am still caught off guard hearing his name while we are in the middle of an intimate moment.

I don't think before I speak. Instead, I ask the question that will kill me. I already know the answer. James never did anything he didn't excel at.

"Was he good?" I hiss coldly.

Tris looks confused for a moment. "Huh?"

"How'd he do? I mean, you told me he got you off. Was he better than me at making you come?" I push on, digging the hole deeper and deeper for myself.

Tris's mouth falls open as her eyes widen, and she looks shocked. "Tobias, you're being ridiculous! I'm not talking about James's sex skills with you! Just fucking drop it, enough!"

I scowl at her. I can't control the jealousy coursing through my body. "That good, huh? That's just fucking great."

I move away from her. "Let's just forget about my suggestion. I don't feel like doing this now."

Tris looks furious. "Whatever, Tobias! If I refused to do whatever you did with 'your dear friend' Christina...we would never even have sex!"

I look at Tris, blank-faced. I have nothing to say to that. She's right. I have done more with Christina.

We are staring each other down, both of us stubbornly refusing to let go of our anger. Suddenly, the baby starts fussing and calling out for 'Mama'. Tris scowls at me. "Just go to sleep. I'll take care of him."

"Fine," I grumble, watching as she rushes to Andy. She pulls him out of his crib and holds him to her chest while sitting down on the couch, not once looking at me. I know she will stay with him for a while.

I sigh and quietly lie down to sleep. It dawns on me that it's been months since Andy saw James, months that Tris and I have been raising our son together, but he has never once called me Dada. I close my eyes and try desperately to push my resentment away.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	28. CH 28: What Am I?

+++++o+++++

Author's Note/Disclaimer: This chapter has important conversation mixed in with "sexy time". So I tried to mark the consenting-adult-sexual-situations as well as possible with /XXOO/. Just FYI.

+++++o+++++

CH 28: What am I?

Date: Early July +o+ Baby is 9+ months old

^^ Almost Two Weeks Have Passed^^

*Tobias POV*

I look at the clock on my work desk and see that it's already 7:00 PM, and I'm not even halfway done proofreading the press release that needs to go to print. The hours this week have been brutal. There is so much work to do, and our staff numbers are low. We were already spread thin; the bus crash just made it worse. We have a few teammates that are still in the hospital, and of course, they're unable to work.

I pick up my desk phone, slowly releasing air through my nose to calm myself. Things are so strained between Tris and me. It's pathetic that I feel actual anxiety about calling my girlfriend to let her know I'll be stuck at work really late.

She'll probably be relieved. She won't have to see me.

I quickly push the buttons for our home phone. I know it will be worse if I call too late. I don't want to risk waking the baby. Tris answers after three rings, and I quickly explain that I will be really late. Tris politely thanks me for calling and tells me she is tired and planning to go to sleep early.

We both say goodbye. As I place the phone down, I shake my head, wondering how long this is going to continue.

It's been almost two weeks since the bus accident. I cringe while remembering the day I was released from the hospital. First, there was our horrible quickie sex, when I failed to satisfy Tris, only to be followed by a botched sex attempt because of fucking James Wilton.

I can't even think about him without seeing red. I hate him. I hate that she even knew that sociopath. Never mind the fact that she let him put his damned mouth on—

The ringing of the phone on my desk interrupts my thoughts. For a moment, I think it might be Tris, and I feel hopeful. Maybe she is also tired of this bullshit we are doing to each other.

We aren't fighting, but we also aren't okay. We have had zero physical contact or affection since our fight about oral sex and my sexual history with Christina. Neither Tris nor I have initiated anything.

"Hello. Tobias Eaton speaking," I answer, then frown — it's not Tris.

++o++

The next day I have to leave for work really early. Tris wakes up right before I walk out the door.

"Um, I have a conference call first thing. I've gotta go in early," I say quietly from across the room.

Tris nods her head. "Andy and I are having lunch with Caleb and his new girlfriend. I'm not sure where yet," she tells me.

I nod in return; it's not like she would want me to come with her.

"Bye," I say, looking at her for the first time. Tris's expression is unreadable. I wish I had a clue as to what the hell she is thinking.

"Bye," she replies while looking away.

+o+

The day goes by quickly, one positive of being slammed with work.

I hear a beep and look at my multiple text messages from Zeke. I feel like such a jerk. Things have been so busy that I've had to say no to his numerous suggestions for dinner or drinks. I am very busy — too busy — but there is also a part of me that doesn't want to talk to Zeke right now. Admitting how bad things are with Tris will make it more real. My denial over how shitty I feel and how worried I am is what is helping me to keep it together. I know Zeke will want to know what the hell is going on between Tris and me.

Before I know it, lunch time is here. I've been eating at my desk all week, but today I left so early that I didn't grab anything to eat. I suddenly remember the work file I left at the apartment and groan. I will need it for a meeting I have this evening, so I will have to go back and get it.

I have a decent break in my schedule, so I decide to just run home now. I can get the file and eat something quickly.

+o+

I see them before they see me. Tris, Andy and Caleb's new girlfriend, whose name escapes me, are sitting at a patio table outside of the sandwich shop around the corner from our apartment. I recognize the girlfriend from the photo Tris texted me the day of the bus accident. She seems really nice, and I can see that she is crazy about Andy, holding him and feeding him his bottle. I walk over to say hello.

Tris looks startled to see me, obviously not expecting me to be at home this time of day.

"Hey, how are you? What are you..." she says.

"I'm good, just running home to pick up a file during my lunch break," I answer while making eye contact with Caleb's girlfriend, who is watching our exchange and smiling politely. I lean over to touch Andy's cheek while he enthusiastically drinks his bottle.

I clear my throat and raise my eyebrows at Tris, prompting her to make introductions.

"Sorry, I'm just out of it today," Tris says. Motioning to the woman holding Andy, she says, "This is Candice. She is Caleb's new girlfriend, and they also work together on the same research project."

Candice smiles warmly at me and then looks at Tris for her to continue.

"And this is Andy's father, Tobias," Tris says quickly.

In an instant, my blood runs cold and I feel sick to my stomach. My heart feels as though it is being crushed in a vise. My eyes narrow as I look at Tris; seeing the expression on my face, she immediately looks confused.

"Yeah, I'm just Andy's dad," I repeat darkly. I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks.

Both girls' mouths fall open, and Tris's eyes widen with the realization of how bad that sounded.

What the fuck kind of introduction was that?! She made it sound like I am nothing to her. In that moment, I decide that enough is enough.

"Tobias...I..." Tris stutters.

I scowl at her, and then turn to Candice

I scowl at her, and then turn to Candice. "Very nice to meet you, Candice. I've got to go."

Candice nods at me. She looks worried as her eyes dart back and forth between me and Tris.

I turn and walk away. I hear Tris calling me, but I don't care.

I keep walking.

My mind is racing as I stomp into my building's lobby. I gruffly return Clark's greeting as he holds the door open. As I hit the button to call the elevator, I hear Clark behind me say, "Hello, Tris. Um...nice day."

Just great. She followed me. I breathe in and out to calm myself, blinking back angry tears. It's not just that I'm mad...I'm so fucking hurt.

I stand up straight, looking at the elevator doors and ignore her. She is now standing next to me.

"Tobias..." she whispers. I can hear the uneasiness in her voice.

"Just don't. Please," I say tightly, refusing to look at her. "You don't want to have any kind of conversation with me, not right now."

I quickly step onto the elevator as the doors open and hit the four button for our floor. I turn around, looking at Tris for the first time as she stands in the lobby. Tris is chewing her lip.

"Go enjoy your lunch, Tris," I say as the elevator doors close between us.

+o+

Arriving at our apartment floor, I step off the elevator and run smack into Tris. My eyes widen, surprised at seeing her up here on the fourth floor.

"Tris? How?" I stammer.

Tris's cheeks are flushed, and she doesn't answer me while she struggles to catch her breath. Tris motions towards the stairwell. She must have run up at record speed to beat the elevator.

"We need to talk, it's time," Tris finally says, still breathless.

I know she's right. I nod and pull out my keys, ushering Tris into our apartment.

Closing the apartment door behind us, I turn to Tris and ask where Andy is. Tris explains that Andy will be having lunch with Candice and Caleb at the sandwich shop. I nod, it is better that the baby isn't here while we have it out.

"You hurt me, Tris," I say. "Did you mean to? Did you introduce me that way on purpose?"

Tris's eyes fill with tears. "Of course not! Tobias, I didn't say that to hurt you. It just slipped out."

"Fuck, that actually makes me feel worse," I scoff, pinching the bridge of my nose. What am I to her? She didn't even mean it as a slight. She must really see me that way.

See me as nothing, that is.

"I need you to admit it," I demand. "What am I to you?! If all I am to you is the father of your child, then look me in the face and say it!"

I face her head on. I can't live in limbo anymore. If she is done, I'll pack a bag and crash at Zeke's, or even Evelyn's. I'll be the one to leave; she and Andy will stay in the apartment, of course.

The thought of leaving them pains me. But I won't stay where I'm not wanted.

I brace myself for whatever she says next.

I brace myself for whatever she says next

"You want me to say it?! Fine, here goes..." Tris yells at me, tears spilling down her cheeks. I hold my breath — this is it. She is done with me. I've lost her.

"I love you. I'm in love with you, Tobias! I hate that we have been...whatever the hell you call what we've been doing this last week," Tris shouts, her shoulders shaking as she starts crying.

It pains me to see her so emotional, but I'm hurting, too.

"It's not just about needing you. I want you, I choose you, Tobias," Tris says firmly. "What are you to me?! You are the person I love most in the world. It terrifies me how much power you have over me — how much it would hurt me if you threw me aside. That's what you are to me!"

I close my eyes, and her words resonate in my ears. The relief I feel is overwhelming. I open my eyes again and look at her, and with tears threatening to escape, I gulp loudly.

She steps closer to me, resting her hand on my chest, right over my heart. That's when I see it. The mixture of love and desire in her eyes, the way her chest rises and falls.

"I know we have so much that we need to talk about and to work out." She takes in a quick breath, her lip trembling. "But I need to...What I want to say is...Let me show you what you mean to me, please," she whispers.

My body instantly reacts to her, as does my heart.

"Do you want me?" she asks, watching me carefully. I gulp again, and nod up and down in assent. "More than you will ever understand, Tris."

"Good," she whispers. My hands immediately move to hold her hips tightly; it helps to stop them from trembling.

Tris pushes me towards the couch until I am seated. She slowly undoes the buttons of her blouse, revealing her lacy, white silk bra underneath. I bite back a moan and shift uncomfortably, my erection getting larger with every moment that passes. Tris slowly undoes the button of her jeans and pushes them down, along with her panties. She steps out of them daintily.

"Fuck, Tris...do you have any idea how gorgeous you are? What you do to me?" I whisper hungrily.

/XXOO/

"I have an idea." Tris leans over to whisper in my ear as she rubs her hand across the front of my dress pants, making my dick twitch at the contact. She can feel how hard I am for her.

"Take off your pants...now," she instructs, her eyes watching my every move as I comply. Momentarily lifting my ass off the couch, I pull down my pants and my boxers. She actually whimpers when she sees my dick spring up, released from the confinement of my pants.

Tris straddles me on the couch, but not close enough that I could slip inside of her. She leans her forehead against mine, and our eyes meet. My hands hold her bare hips firmly, but I refrain from positioning her on my dick. God, I need her soon, but I want her to take charge right now.

"I hate how things have been between us this last week. The resentment, pride, stubbornness, and silence," Tris laments while unbuttoning my shirt and running her hands up and down my chest. "No more, Tobias," she murmurs.

"Fuck, Tris. I hated it, too," I start. She takes my shaft in her hand and begins pleasuring me, stroking up and down, and I find myself suddenly groaning loudly, "Trisss!"

Our eyes meet for a moment, and then we slowly kiss.

Breaking the kiss to speak to her, I say, "Tris. I really need to get this off my chest. I want you to know that I am truly sorry for so many things— what happened at the hospital, and our days of not talking and being distant — but mostly, I feel awful that I pushed us into having sex against the wall before we had even taken a minute to talk things out. I just wanted you so damned much, and I got carried away and acted selfishly—"

When I talk about the last time we had sex, she looks confused for a moment.

"Tobias! You don't need to apologize about the last time we had sex. You did nothing wrong. I'm a big girl, you know. If I hadn't wanted to have sex with you, I would have said no. Yes, we got caught up in the moment, but there's nothing wrong with that. Ok?" Tris urges me to understand.

I nod and then welcome her embrace as she pulls me close again for a passionate kiss.

Taking a breath before she speaks, she says, "I'm sorry, too, for my part in our fight. I'm sorry I hurt you when I brought up James..." Tris trails off when she sees my expression. Even the mention of his name makes me cringe. Tris places her hand on my face.

"I didn't want to pretend or lie about something so intimate, do you understand?" Tris asks cautiously.

I know she's right. Of course I don't want her to pretend with me.

"I do. I just want to put them behind us. James and Christina both. We are what matters, you and me. Can we do that?" I plead. I just want us to be happy. Tris is the only one that I want.

Tears fill her eyes. "Yes, Tobias. I want that, too. I only want you."

Our lips crash, our tongues moving together. I finally can't take how worked up I am. I kiss my way down her neck and bite her shoulder. She gasps and moves closer to me.

"I want to touch you, I want to make you scream my name." I move my hand to her core and begin rhythmically stroking between her wet folds, paying extra attention to her clit.

"Oh God...please don't stop," Tris whimpers while arching her back in response to my hand's movements. Her wetness is a clear sign of how much she wants and needs me.

"Tobias!" she cries out, looking at me. "I want you...right now."

I move my hands back to her hips as she moves closer to me. Her hand strokes my cock, and she rubs the head across her wetness.

I groan and throw my head back, sweat beginning to collect on both of us. She leans down to kiss me as she sinks down onto my cock.

Tris sets a steady pace as she rides me. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of her pulsing around me when she has her first orgasm. She cries out loudly, "Oh my God. Oh God. Tobias! Yesss!" Her fingertips dig deeply into my shoulders.

I push off her open blouse and then kiss her breasts over the cups of her sexy bra. Nibbling with my teeth, I make her cry out for more. Her fingers are buried in my hair as her movement above me becomes shaky and strained. "Oh, Tobias," she whimpers.

I make the decision to take the lead and keep pleasuring her. I roll over so that she is now sitting at the edge of the couch, and I immediately sink to my knees in front of her. I haven't come yet, so my dick is painfully hard as I spread her legs and settle in between them. Her eyes watch me hungrily as her hands slowly travel down my chest.

Tris scoots even further, to the very edge of the couch. "Please," she mewls. Her fingertips caress the head of my cock as she looks at me hungrily.

"Tell me what you want. Say it, Tris," I command while gently tracing the outside of her folds with my fingertip.

Tris moans while licking her lower lip. "I want you to screw my brains my out, baby." Her eyes are glazed with lust.

I splay my hand across her lower back, arching her towards me as I thrust into her roughly. Her eyes roll back as she groans. I almost come when her hand slips down and rubs her clit. She orgasms almost immediately while screaming out my name, her walls clenching tightly around me.

"That is the hottest thing I have ever seen or imagined, baby," I groan as I continue to pump in and out of her.

Crushing my mouth against hers, I kiss her passionately. Tris's arms wrap around my shoulders and waist as I continue to thrust into her.

She clenches around my dick again as her third orgasm begins, and I finally let myself go. I suck the skin of her neck into my mouth, and she yelps. I roughly lift her hips off the couch and furiously pump into her as my release hits me.

I collapse over her, careful not to place all my weight on her small frame. I allow myself a moment to relish in the way her inner walls flutter around me as she comes down from her high. As I begin to pull out, Tris begs me, "Wait, please. Not yet. Stay." She plants a small kiss where my neck and shoulder meet.

/XXOO/

"I love you, Tobias," she whispers sweetly.

"I love you, too. Forever," I promise her while looking at her for permission to pull out of her. She nods, and I move to slide back on the couch with her. I grab the throw to cover us both as she lays partly on top of me.

"Tris, I know that we will never have a conflict-free relationship. I wouldn't want that, it would mean we weren't invested — or really us." I pause to look into her eyes. "But we need to talk about our problems and not be silent."

"I agree. I hate when we give each other the silent treatment," Tris sighs, sounding sad.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask her.

Tris sits up, kissing me gently on the lips. "When I'm hurt, it's hard for me to admit how scared I feel. Even to myself, Tobias."

I nod in agreement; I know this to be true.

"I want forever with you," she admits, her voice thick with emotion.

I smile, and my heart skips a beat hearing her say the words. I kiss her lips, her cheek, her forehead and then her mouth once more.

"You are my forever, Tris," I promise while holding her tightly.

We share soft kisses and hugs, affirming our love for one another.

"I guess we should collect our baby at some point," I tease.

"Oh God, poor Candice and Caleb!" Her cheeks flush. "I had to follow you. Candice told me to run, and she promised that she would be fine with Andy."

I groan, remembering that Caleb was joining them for lunch. I can only imagine his thoughts on Tris dumping Andy on them while she ran after me. "We better hop in the shower before we head back," I chuckle.

Tris laughs and gets up, taking me by the hand to pull me up with her.

We can't wipe the satisfied smiles off our faces as we step into the shower. Tris puts her hair in a tight bun so it won't get wet. We take turns washing each other with the washcloth and soap. Tris smirks at me as she washes my dick. As I start to get aroused, I grab her wrist.

"If you want to go again, keep doing that while looking at me the way you are," I say huskily.

Tris gulps. "I would love to have sex with you again, but I know we don't have time."

She's right. We need to get Andy. But I also know I can give her one last thing before we go.

/XXOO/

I turn her around and press her body against the wet tile of the shower, slipping one arm around her waist to keep her steady. My other hand lifts her leg up to rest on the edge of the tub rim. I trail my hand along the inside of her thigh until I reach her slit, then begin stroking her. I know from experience that once Tris has come a couple of times, she is very quick to orgasm thereafter. I move quickly, knowing just how to touch her to get the response I am looking for from her.

"Oh fuck, Tobias!" Tris cries loudly as I hold her shaking body between me and the wet tiles of the shower. Once her orgasm subsides, I use the washcloth one last time to clean her off. Tris is resting her forehead against the tile while panting.

/XXOO/

I pull her out of the shower, and we quickly dry off and get dressed. We have a difficult time keeping our hands to ourselves, as I feel a constant urge to touch her in some way.

Before we leave, I grab the file for work. I need to get back there just as soon as Tris has Andy ready to go. She and I exchange sheepish smiles and hold hands as we walk back to the sandwich shop. I know we are both embarrassed. I don't know what I look like, aside from not being able to wipe the huge smile off of my face, but Tris is glowing; there is no mistaking that she just had amazing sex, and a lot of it. Squeezing her hand as we approach the shop, I am relieved to see that Candice is alone at the table with a sleeping Andy lying on her chest. While Andy sleeps, she has her tablet out and is reading, not even noticing us until we are standing directly in front of her.

Candice smiles warmly upon seeing us hand in hand. "You just missed Caleb. He had a meeting to get to, so he had to run off."

Tris bites her lip nervously. "Um, what did Caleb have to say?"

Candice smiles brightly. "What do you mean? I let Caleb know that you had something come up and that I had offered to spend the afternoon with this handsome young man." She gently rubs Andy's back before handing the sleeping baby to me.

I kiss my son's hair, enjoying his unique smell, and smile at Tris, who is putting his carrier on. She is amazing, and I can't imagine a life without her. Without this.

Turning my attention to Caleb's girlfriend, I say, "Thank you, Candice. I'm sorry things were uncomfortable before, but I really appreciate that you watched Andy for us."

"It was my pleasure, and it was very nice to meet you, Tobias." She smiles while her eyes dart between Tris and me, clearly satisfied with what she is seeing. "I need to get back to the lab, I'm afraid. I hope to see you all soon. And please, Caleb and I would love to babysit one night soon."

Once Candice is gone and Andy is secured in the carrier Tris is wearing, we leisurely kiss goodbye. I can't wait until I can get home and see them both later tonight.

+++++o++++++o++++++

+++++o++++++o++++++

^^ Several Days Later - Breakfast with Zeke ^^

I sit at the small diner that's located between the apartment and my office. It's the same one that Tris and I met up at when she first showed up in Chicago so early in the morning. I glance at my watch; I am still early, so I'm guessing Zeke won't be here for another ten minutes or so. I'm glad our schedules finally lined up. I am heading in to work after breakfast, while he is just getting off his patrol after working all night.

"Well, well...my best friend is indeed alive and well!" Zeke laughs while slapping me on the back, then sits down across from me in the booth. He startled me — I didn't hear him walk in.

"It has been too long, and I'm sorry about that. My office hours have been insane with election fires popping up left and right." I find myself apologizing, but at the same time I'm really glad to be able to finally catch up with my best friend. "How was patrol?" I ask.

Zeke orders himself a decaf coffee and then turns to me. "Last night was quiet, no big issues for the Chicago Police Department. After breakfast, I am headed straight home to sleep!"

We talk about work. I always like to be kept up to speed on George and Amar. I realize I haven't seen Amar since he traveled to the Bureau with Zeke to help take down James Wilton. I make a mental note to talk to Tris about inviting George and Amar over for dinner. We then talk about Zeke's mom, Hana, and he tells me she is doing well.

"I was visiting you in the hospital the last time we really talked. How are things going with Tris?" he asks me while taking a bite out of his breakfast burrito.

I smile at Zeke. "Things were rough for a while, but we're really good now. Tris is great, and the baby, too."

"Rough? Do tell."

I sigh, I've been anxious to get advice from Zeke about this for a while. "Before I do, I've been wanting to talk to you about something." Zeke's eyebrows rise, encouraging me to continue.

"I need your word you'll never tell another person about this conversation. Ever!" I insist, looking around the diner to make sure there is no one I know around.

"I swear, you know you can tell me anything," he promises, leaning forward to hear what I have to say.

I take a deep breath. This is not a fun topic, but I also trust Zeke's expertise. "Tris and I...well, we have always been really good in regards to intimacy. Sex with her is just like nothing I can even explain. We really are good together."

"Ha! I haven't forgotten your epic night of fucking when I had the hotel room next to you two." Zeke chuckles. "You don't need to explain to me what you and Tris are like in that department."

My cheeks get warm, remembering all that Zeke must have heard that night. We had just gotten back together, and we couldn't get enough of each other. If we hadn't needed to rescue Andy, I don't know if we would have ever left that room.

"The problem I wanted to ask you about is...well, there was one time that Tris and I had sex, and I was really into it, and I know I was giving her what normally would be enough, but..." I stammer.

Zeke raises his eyebrows mid-sip of his coffee, "But what?"

"I just couldn't get her off. I don't even really think she enjoyed it. When I play it back in my mind...I think what I interpreted as her feeling aroused may have been her barely tolerating me," I groan, my cheeks flushing with shame. I'm still struggling with this topic.

Zeke nods his head, deep in thought. I sit back in the booth and wait for him to say something — to say anything, really.

"Four, the most important thing I can explain to you is that men and women view sex differently. And this is just my opinion, based on conversations I've had with many guys on the force, during locker room talk about wives and such. I've even talked to Shauna about it." Zeke pauses. "Before I continue, of course there are men and women that are outliers to what I am about to explain to you, I know that already."

"Go on," I encourage.

"Sex is just as important for both genders, but it's still different for women and men. Many guys can easily have sex, and do it without an emotional attachment. Before you get all huffy, I am not saying that we are a bunch of cavemen."

Zeke shrugs before continuing. "What I am trying to explain is that men are more likely to be able to compartmentalize in order to really get in there and enjoy a good roll in the hay."

I furrow my brows, not quite understanding what he is trying to say.

"So, for example, me: Shauna can piss me off so much, like I literally am fuming, but if she wants to have sex, I have no problem putting the issue aside and really enjoying it. And then after, my previous issue is still there waiting," Zeke says. "While let me tell you, when Shauna is really upset with me, I know there is no way in hell she is going to let me in her bed."

That makes sense. I nod, finally understanding.

"Most women, they usually won't or actually can't compartmentalize. Also, I have learned that a woman really enjoys sex when she has a sense of security." Zeke meets my gaze straight on. "A woman's emotions are closely tied to how she feels about sex. Like her ability to enjoy it."

I frown, a vivid memory from that day crossing my mind:

Leaning my forehead against hers, I asked her if everything was ok, we could switch to another position... Tris bit her lip nervously, then told me she didn't know what was wrong.

Zeke clears his throat, snapping me back to the present.

"So this disastrous sex with Tris...how close was it to when you were in the hospital? And when I say hospital, I specifically mean her seeing Christina parked on your bed and holding your hand," Zeke pushes.

"It was the day I checked out, so yeah," I admit, frowning. "It was right while we were still trying to work through it."

"There you go. I'm guessing Tris is not as 'over it' as you may want to believe," Zeke says. "You said things are really good now? It's been a little over three weeks, right?"

"Yeah, it was rough at first. But Tris and I worked past it, she really—"

I am cut off when Zeke's cell phone rings.

"Shit, hold that thought. It's my sergeant calling, I need to update him on a case that is going to trial later today. I'm gonna step outside for the call," Zeke mutters while rushing out of the diner.

I wave him off, mouthing for him to take his time. Once he is gone, I think about Tris and what a rough few days we had after I was released from the hospital.

Things are really good between Tris and me now — really, really good. But in the back of my mind, I am still stressing about certain things.

While Zeke is away, I convince myself to be honest with him about what is still bothering me. I know if there is anyone I can talk to, it's him.

"Sorry about that," Zeke says while sliding back into the booth a few minutes later. "Where were we?"

I give Zeke a high level explanation about the several days of hostility between Tris and me after the sex issues, and then how we finally made up and have been really working on being close and talking.

"So, your big fight was all because she didn't come...ha, ha. Good for Tris! You better be more attentive to her needs, my friend." Zeke laughs at me.

I glare at him. "Very funny, Zeke! And no, that was not the only reason. We had another big fight later that night... about sex again," I admit.

"Dr. Zeke can't help you if you aren't honest. Was there a second attempt that night, and she didn't get off again?" Zeke leans forward to hear what I have to say.

"No. We didn't get that far...ugh, I get so pissed off even thinking about this. I was talking Tris up, the baby was asleep, and I really wanted to make it up to her for earlier. So, I wanted us to try something new," I mention quietly, my cheeks flushing.

"Do tell." Zeke laughs; he looks so amused, which makes me want to punch that look right off of his face.

Instead, I roll my eyes. "Basically, I wanted us to try oral for the first time. I'd never done it before, but I really wanted to do it with Tris. But when I brought it up, she admitted she has already done that with James. It turned into this terrible fight. It wasn't pretty."

"Ok, now I can share some good advice," Zeke insists. "Four, if you do it right, Tris won't be able to think straight, let alone remember James Wilton."

I raise my eyebrows, not really feeling confident. Zeke sees my hesitation and sighs.

"Remember what I told you years ago? Giving oral to a girl is about trial and error, but it can make her feel amazing. For your first time, I suggest doing the alphabet with your tongue—" Zeke proceeds to give me another detailed lesson on the art of going down on a girl. My cheeks flush as I look around to make sure no one else can hear him.

"And lastly, don't ask her. Instead, just seduce her and do it. It's a very personal thing, so asking can set her up to feel really nervous. Make it hot for her, be the man in her bed." Zeke pauses. "And of course, if she wants to stop, then stop right away. Obviously."

I nod. Zeke is right. Everything he just said makes sense.

Zeke jokes, "From what I heard while we were at the Bureau, your girl will be down with what you have to offer her...she will love it!"

Zeke snickers and laughs while I just shake my head at him and rub my temples.

"Zeke, I'm still struggling with James, or I should say the insecurity I feel because of him. I still hate that asshole so much. He stole my child, tried to raise Andy as his own, and then he moved in on Tris. He tried to take the things that mean the most to me in my life!"

"Yeah, he did. And the key word there is 'tried'. Come on, Four, James is dead! Tris killed him — she killed him when she was fighting to save you," Zeke says. "Doesn't that count for something?"

"He's gone, I know that. But I still feel like he is haunting me. Even with my own child!" I snap.

"What about Andy?" Zeke asks sharply. His demeanor is very serious now.

I bite my lip. I wasn't planning on talking about this with Zeke. Or anyone, actually. Ever.

I run my fingers through my hair. Fuck it, I need to talk to someone.

"Zeke, it's like the ghost of James is still here. You saw that video, and how James was with my kid. My child was already calling him Dada, for God's sake!" I pause to calm myself. "I feel like a monster saying this, but I don't feel like Andy sees me as his dad. All this time has passed, and the baby just doesn't... I mean... not once has he called me Dada. Even as much as Tris and I try to get him to say it."

Zeke raises his brows; his eyes reflect concern. "Um, this is pretty deep, Four. Your son needs you, man. He doesn't need a ghost, or to feel resentment because of what the grown-ups around him were doing when he was an infant. Andy will always need you to be his dad."

Zeke's words hit me hard. Thinking about my own father is painful. I know more than most just how important a dad should be to his child, and I also know from experience how detrimental a horrible father can be.

Clearing his throat, Zeke says, "Four, do you...I mean...do you resent the baby in some way?"

My heart lurches. Andy's beautiful face pops in my mind. He is my son. Mine.

"Zeke, I love my son, I don't feel any resentment towards him. I resent James, and I resent the time I lost. I resent that James knew Tris was alive while I was suffering over her death and wasting my time with Christina. I resent the relationship he then had with Tris, and the one he had with my son. But that's not the biggest issue I have." I close my eyes; verbalizing these feelings for the first time is not easy. "I love my boy, and I would die for him. But... I'm worried...I'm really worried that Andy will never love me."

"Listen to me. As your best friend, I am telling you that this is serious, Four. I really think you need to talk to your therapist again," Zeke says firmly. "I know Andy loves you, he's a baby after all. What matters here is that you need to talk to someone about the shit you are dealing with."

I know Zeke's advice is right on target. Just saying it out loud has made me see how serious this is.

"I've got to head into the office, but thank you for all of this. I mean it," I say seriously. "And I will be reaching out to my therapist at the Bureau, even if I need to do a phone session. I agree that it's time."

Zeke looks relieved, and he downs the last of his coffee.

As I get up and throw my backpack over my shoulder, I bring up wanting to get Tris and Andy to spend some time with the group.

"Yup, I've mentioned it to our friends. Why don't I set it up for next week when I'm not on nights — we can meet at a coffee shop after work?" Zeke asks.

"Thanks, that would be great, Zeke. I want Tris to reconnect with her old friends. It will be good for her to see Shauna, Cara and Matthew. It means a lot to me," I say.

We finalize our plans, and for the first time in a while I am hopeful. I want Tris to be happy in Chicago. She's been through so much, I want to help her however I can.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	29. CH 29: Coffee with Friends

CH 29: Coffee with Friends

Date: End of July +o+ Baby is 9+ months old

^^ Two weeks have passed ^^

*Tobias POV*

My God, I think I have died and gone to heaven. I lean my head back on the pillow and teeter between wanting to watch Tris moving sensually above me and wanting to close my eyes and just feel. She is insatiable this morning. Tris woke me up way too early, but only seconds later, I was more than okay with it.

We come at the same time. I should say my second time, and her fifth time this morning. Tris collapses, I hold her close to my chest and kiss her forehead. We are both going to need a shower this morning.

"Hey, your heart is beating a mile a minute...you okay?" Tris whispers to me.

Smiling, I kiss her forehead. "I'm more than okay — I'm amazing, actually. I am tempted to cancel our plans tonight so we can have round two even sooner."

Tris giggles and kisses my chest.

"You are especially randy this morning. I know you like to fill your reserves when you know we won't be able to fool around after work or at lunch," I tease Tris, squeezing her tightly as she pushes her face into my chest. I know I've just embarrassed her.

If only she knew what a turn-on her passion is. It feels amazing to be desired.

"You've been asking me to connect with the group for weeks now, and I don't want to cancel. Did Zeke confirm everyone is coming?" Tris asks.

I groan while stretching, and then wrap my arms around her again. "Yes, we're still meeting at Peet's Coffee on Michigan Avenue, the one across from the park. We agreed on 6:00 PM. That way we will all have time to get there after work. Luckily, Zeke has day shifts this week."

"Okay, it will be nice to see everyone. I'll make sure Andy gets a good nap today so he isn't cranky tonight," Tris says.

"Even if he is cranky, so what? He's a baby. Our friends are so excited to see you and meet the baby. I can't even tell you how many times Shauna has texted me to confirm you and Andy are actually coming," I say with a laugh. "I'm sorry Caleb couldn't come, I know you wanted him to be there."

I feel Tris stiffen in my arms. I rub her back. "I know you hold some resentment over how Caleb was treated. I can't make you let that go, but I am asking you to please try. Especially with Zeke...he is my best friend and he has been through a lot. He does care about you, and he wants us to be happy."

Tris leans up and kisses me slowly. "I'm going to do better than try, it's going to be great. I'm looking forward to seeing them all. Yes, I wish Caleb could come, but he's meeting Candice's parents tonight, which is exciting!"

"Candice seems nice. Poor girl — great first impression I made," I say gruffly.

"It wasn't either of our finest moments. The positive — even with our crazy tension and then our make-up-sex afterglow an hour later — is that Candice handled it really well. I didn't feel any judgment from her. I'm liking her more and more. I hope Caleb appreciates what an amazing girl he has," Tris says softly.

I lean down, capturing her lips. Slowly our mouths begin moving together, first gently, and then becoming hungrier with each moment that passes.

Tris breaks away and smiles. "I want you to know, I am happy to see your friends. I want to be close to them again."

"Our friends," I correct her. "I can't tell you how much that means to me. The truth is, we all suffered so much when we lost Uriah and you — or so we thought — at the same time. They were really there for me. They feel like family," I say firmly.

Tris nods, a look of understanding on her face.

"I have a therapy session with Kelly White scheduled for today. I planned it during Andy's nap. Just FYI, if you call around 2:00 pm and I send you to voicemail." Tris is the one yawning now.

"That's awesome that she has been willing to do some phone sessions. I know you are still waiting for a Chicago-based therapist."

Tris nods before speaking. "Jessica has been bugging me to go out and visit her at the Bureau. I miss her so much, and her pregnancy is flying by. I just want to see her. Maybe next time you go for work, Andy and I can go along?"

"You know I would love that. I always want to be with you. Always." I groan as Tris pushes her warm body against me suggestively.

"Speaking of filling my reserves, I'm going to shower. Care to join me?" Tris whispers while gently biting my chest.

I gasp in surprise. Good God, she has already tired me out. Not that I would ever admit that.

"Let's go! We don't have that much time before Andy wakes up," I say, suddenly feeling energized.

++o++

"You are the best, Tris!" I grin and thank Tris for packing my lunch. I have so much work to do that I'm sure I will end up eating at my desk today. I am frantically fixing my tie while also looking for my apartment keys.

"Anytime, Tobias." Tris is holding Andy, ready to say goodbye for the day. I'm going to miss them both.

I give Andy a quick kiss on the cheek before I slip my hand behind Tris's neck and pull her to me for a kiss. A real kiss. We make out for a couple of minutes; if it wasn't for Andy in her arms, I know I would have pushed for more.

"Okay, this time I have to go. I'm swamped at work, and it will be busy, but I will check in. I love you, Tris," I say before kissing her and walking out the door.

"We love you. Say bye to Daddy," Tris croons while kissing Andy on the cheek. As usual, the baby waves goodbye, but doesn't call me anything as I walk away. I wonder if he will start calling me Four or Tobias soon.

He's even started calling Caleb by his name! Granted he can't actually say Caleb, so I do get a good laugh every time he calls his uncle 'Caca'.

My kid is a genius.

++o+ +

"Attention, everyone, I have some bad news," Johanna calls across the office. We all stop what we are doing in order to listen.

I see that Johanna's assistant looks annoyed as she stands next to her. In her hand, she has the menu sheets for our usual restaurants that we order meals from when we need to stay really late. Oh, hell no, not today. Zeke and I finally found an early evening that would work for everyone.

But that is exactly what has happened. I pick up the phone to dial Tris's cell.

"Hey," she answers.

"Hi, Tris. I'm afraid I have some crappy news: we all need to stay and work late tonight. We're expecting to go really late, and Johanna's even ordering pizzas for the entire staff. This messes up coffee with our friends after work today," I finish.

"Hmmm, that stinks. But maybe we can reschedule for tomorrow?" Tris offers hopefully.

I smile to myself. There was a part of me that was expecting her to sound relieved to get out of our plans, but she genuinely sounds disappointed.

"When Zeke and I were organizing this, we already knew that tonight was the one day and time that worked for everyone, for this week and the next, at least. Shit. Well, I mean you could of course go without me, but—" I mumble.

"Tobias, no. I want you to be with me. Please," Tris asks. I hear the catch in her voice.

I remember that she is trying, but there is still a part of her that is really bothered with how things went down with Caleb while she was gone. I'm not at all surprised she doesn't want to go without me.

"I understand, I also want us to go together. I'll talk to Zeke and we will look for another day. I'll miss you, though. So much, baby," I say quietly into the phone.

My married coworker, the one who has four kids and who sits near me, laughs quietly while making a motion with his hand to imply I am whipped. I give him the finger for listening in on my call and mocking me.

Next, I call Zeke. He picks up after the fourth ring, and I silently curse myself for forgetting he is on patrol right now. But, I know he would just send me to voicemail if he needed to.

"What's up, my man?" Zeke laughs into the phone. I'm guessing I caught him at a good time.

"Hey, you're working today, right? Can you talk?" I ask.

"It's perfect timing. My partner went into the donut shop to get us a pick-me-up. He is trying to hit it with the shop owner. He should be in there for a while trying to convince her to go on a date. What's up?" Zeke asks.

I sigh. "I have bad news. I need to cancel tonight's coffee with Tris and the baby."

"Are you serious? What the heck, Four? It took us forever to find a good day," Zeke groans.

"I know, I know. But I've got to work really late now. 'Dinner being provided' late," I grumble. "I'm not happy about this, either."

Zeke's quiet for a moment, finally speaking. "Well, will you ask Tris if she and the baby can still come? I'll meet her at your apartment so I can walk them to and from. We are all still going to meet up. I promise to watch out for them."

I smile at Zeke's offer. It makes me feel like he really is trying to make things good with the group and Tris, which means the world to me.

"Thank you, my friend. But, Tris and I already decided we want to meet up with everyone when we can both go. But, I'll let her know you offered. I think it'll mean a lot to her," I say.

"I get it," Zeke says. His tone then changes. "I'm not even sure if I want Shauna to meet your baby now!"

"What are you talking about? You told me Shauna asks about Tris and Andy all the time. She's even texted me twice today to confirm we are still on," I say confused.

Zeke groans. "I bet she did! Shit. This is not good, Four."

"You've lost me. Why don't you want Shauna to see Tris and Andy?" I question.

"No, Tris is fine. It's your baby I'm worried about. Shauna has been on my ass about getting married. You guys aren't married, so Shauna seeing Tris is no big deal," Zeke laughs.

With a sudden pang in my heart, I frown and bite back a snide response. Tris is so much more to me than just a girlfriend. I have every intention of making Tris my wife. If I thought she was ready, I'd ask her today. There's also the problem of not having enough money for an engagement ring.

"I can practically hear the steam coming out of your ears. I don't mean to belittle your relationship with Tris in any way. I'm just pointing out that Shauna isn't going to harass me because Tris isn't wearing a ring on her left hand," Zeke defends himself.

"Gee, you've made me feel so much better, Zeke!" I laugh quickly, deciding this is not something to get upset over.

"I'm directing this conversation back to me and my problems now," Zeke retorts with good humor. "As I was saying, Shauna has been harassing me about marriage. And not only marriage, she keeps telling me she wants to be a young mom," Zeke huffs. "For fuck's sake, when Shauna sees your cute kid, her ovaries will start screaming!"

This amazing Theo meme/gif is an inside joke with the amazing BarbaraK2U -- It also inspired Zeke's description of Shauna's ovaries

This amazing Theo meme/gif is an inside joke with the amazing BarbaraK2U -- It also inspired Zeke's description of Shauna's ovaries. ;-)

I begin choking on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Tris made for my lunch. Once I'm sure I'm not going to die, I begin laughing.

"Thank you so much for your support! Glad to know I can count on you," Zeke whines.

"You're right, I'm sorry!" I say as I contain my laughter. "My friend, I'm gonna give you the most important piece of advice I can possibly share."

"Finally. What is it? Will you tell Shauna that having a kid is terrible and a ton of work?" Zeke asks hopefully.

"Um. No." I scowl. Zeke's losing his mind. Maybe Shauna is really pressuring him? "Even if it's a lie, Tris would rip my throat out if I ever talked that way about our son."

"That was rude, I'm sorry. Shauna is out of control, so much that..." His voice trails off.

This sounds more serious than just funny banter. "That what?" I ask.

"It's fine. Don't worry. Shauna and I are good. We're fine," Zeke assures me.

"Okay, then." I pause. "Well, whether you get married next month or in five years, here is that best piece of advice I can give you..."

"Once you guys have a baby, make sure you aren't living in a studio apartment!" I joke.

We both laugh.

++o++

"Tris! Guess what?" I say into the phone while working on my last report for the day.

"Hey handsome, I miss you." Tris laughs, and I can hear the baby laughing in the background.

I smile and tell her my good news. "Our office is no longer working late tonight. I have another hour or so, and then I can head out. Zeke told me they're still going to meet for coffee. So, if you are still up for it—"

"Yes, let's go! I want to see everyone and get out of the apartment. I think Andy is going to enjoy it, too," Tris interrupts me.

I smile to myself. I love how hard Tris is trying to make this work. I know she is mainly doing it for me. We agree that I'll swing by our apartment, and then we'll head to the coffee shop together.

After talking to Tris, I call Zeke and get his voicemail. I leave a message letting him know about our change of plans, and tell him we'll just meet up with him there. Just to be safe, I shoot him a text as well.

++o++

We walk to Michigan Avenue from our apartment, hand in hand, the baby laughing while riding in Tris's carrier. As we arrive at Peet's Coffee, I glance at my cell phone. I'm assuming no news is good news in regards to Zeke. I'm sure the group will still be here, since we are only about twenty minutes late. If they aren't here, Tris and I will simply enjoy some coffee and share a pastry alone.

I hold the door open for Tris, and usher her and the baby in first. There is a group of ladies heading in, so I wait to hold the door open for them as well.

The moment I step in, I notice that Tris is tense and upset. I follow her gaze and see why.

The group is still here, but what we weren't expecting to see among them are Christina and Rose, Chris's sister, together at the table. They don't even notice us, as everyone is laughing and talking. Christina, as usual, is the loudest one, and going over some kind work-related story. I keep glancing between Tris and our friends; they are all having a wonderful time with Christina.

I keep glancing between Tris and our friends; they are all having a wonderful time with Christina

Andy takes that moment to squeal loudly, everyone then turning to see us standing by the entrance. Tris bites her lip as she tries to quiet the baby. I see the mixture of horror and shock on everyone's faces. Most are frantically looking back and forth between Tris and Christina.

Shauna stands up and walks over to us. "Four and Tris! Oh my gosh... I'm so sorry! I only invited Christina after Zeke told me you guys weren't coming!" she cries.

Christina scoffs loudly and looks furious. Rose mutters something under her breath that I can't quite make out. I feel Tris stiffen next to me.

Shauna has the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look as she turns back to Christina. "Come on, Chris, you know I didn't mean it that way..."

"Sure you did; I get it. Tris and Tobias are always going to trump me," Christina hisses, getting more and more upset by the minute.

"Chris, don't be that way. Tonight was their gathering. Four organized the whole thing!" Shauna defends herself.

Christina wipes a tear off her cheek as Rose places her arm around her sister.

For fuck's sake!

I find Zeke and glare; he is frowning and looking at his cell phone. "Zeke! Didn't you get my voicemail or text? I sent it hours ago, letting you know we were back on," I snap.

"I'm just seeing the text now." Zeke stands up to walk over to Shauna. "Besides, this is all Shauna's fault. She invited Christina without even asking anyone else!" Zeke jokes while failing miserably at trying to defuse the situation.

I cringe at the death look Shauna gives him. He'll pay for that comment later.

Tris is frozen in place, looking at Andy or the ground. I glance at the table and catch Cara comforting Chris while shooting a nasty look at Tris. But none of this is Tris's fault. That's when Matthew moves. Everyone is tense, but he walks over to Tris and smiles while saying hello.

"Tris, it's wonderful to see you — alive and all!" Matthew jokes softly while smiling brightly at her. Tris is chewing on the inside of her cheek as she looks up to face him. It's so obvious how uncomfortable she is. Matthew smiles and pulls her into a hug. I steal a glance at Cara, who is actually rolling her eyes.

How am I so stupid to have not noticed Cara's hostility until now? I've mentioned Tris and Andy a few times, and she was nothing but smiles. Right now, it's really obvious she is completely on Christina's side.

And that is when Rose goes in for the kill, as Candor-like as her sister. "What the hell is the issue here? Why should my sister feel bad for showing up to have coffee with her friends?!" Rose approaches Tris and me, stopping a few feet away. "What's your problem, Tris? At least my sister didn't kill the love of your life. She only screwed him," Rose says snidely, cruelly reminding Tris what happened with Will, while reminding everyone that Chris and I used to have sex.

I feel Tris physically tense next to me. I'm furious at this wretched little brat.

"Rose, back off and watch your mouth," I hiss, stepping forward to shield Tris and my son. Enough of this bullshit.

Rose looks hurt. "Wow, we used to be close, Four. And now I see I'm nothing to you, just like my sister."

I feel guilty for a second, and then I remember what she just said. "You aren't a child, Rose. Let me remind you that you started this nastiness. If you mess with Tris, it is the same as messing with me or my son. So cut the crap," I warn her.

Tris places her hand on my arm. I meet her eyes and see she is completely emotionless. "I'm done here. You should stay and enjoy coffee with your friends," she whispers. Without another word, she walks out with Andy still strapped to her chest.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, horrified at how poorly this has gone. Before chasing after her, I turn to look at the group of people I consider to be like family. Zeke walks over to me to tell me he is so sorry about how things played out.

And that's when Christina loses it. She yells at Rose to please just stop talking, telling Rose she is only making things worse for her, for everyone. Rose rolls her eyes, then grabs her purse and storms out of the coffee shop, calling me an asshole as she walks by. I can't blame her, she should be on her sister's side, no matter what.

I'm about to leave, wanting to run and catch up to Tris, when Christina calls my name.

I breathe out to calm myself; this is something that can't go on forever. I walk to the table to stand in front of everyone.

"Christina," I say, not sure what she wants now.

"Look, I can't take much more of this. I know you are with Tris, and that's not going to change. But I need some kind of closure," she demands.

I frown at her. "What more closure do you need than the numerous conversations we had back at the Bureau? We've talked over everything I can think of."

"Tobias, please. I still have more to say. Questions to ask," Chris presses.

I meet her gaze. I can feel all of our friends' eyes on me. I know I need to leave soon and run home to talk to Tris. This conversation she wants will not be happening right now.

"Come on, Four, just because Tris came back from the dead, it doesn't mean you have to completely ignore Christina. You still have real history with her — something everyone at this table witnessed. You can meet her for a meal just to talk, can't you?" Cara challenges me.

I look around, meeting eyes with Zeke. He glances at Christina and then back at me. "For closure, and then you both need to put this in the past," Zeke suggests.

I feel the pressure of everyone watching to see what I will decide. I'm torn over what to do. I press my lips closed; I have no desire to sit down for a meal with Christina. In fact, the only other person on the planet I would rather not have lunch with more than Christina would be her sister.

"Fine. One meeting, in a public place. And then that's enough, Chris. This crap is getting old, and it isn't good for any of us," I say forcibly.

Christina nods. "I agree completely. I'm not an idiot. I know I'm not going to suddenly learn after one meal that you are going to leave Tris and your son. So, can we meet for an early breakfast tomorrow? Before work?" she asks.

All eyes are once again on me. There is a part of me that knows I should at least talk to Tris before agreeing to this, but another part of me just wants to get this over with. Aside from Zeke and Shauna, I am starting to not care if I ever see any of these people again.

"Fine. Breakfast tomorrow," I say, already dreading my decision before the words are out of my mouth.

++o++

I race home, practically running. The building doorman, Clark, opens the door for me. I immediately ask him if he saw Tris come home. Clark nods and tell me she arrived about fifteen minutes ago. I can tell by the way Clark is all smiles that Tris must not have seemed upset.

The sight that greets me when I walk in is Tris feeding Andy his dinner. She also made a sandwich for herself. She looks at me as I walk in and gives me a small smile. For a moment, I wonder if I'm in the wrong apartment. She is oddly calm, relaxed even.

"Tris, I'm so sorry all of that happened!" I say while quickly walking over to her and Andy.

I lean down and kiss her, pulling her into a hug.

"Tobias, it's ok. You really have nothing to apologize for." Tris calmly shrugs her shoulders.

I frown. "Thanks for being so understanding. This whole situation is just...fucked up. Tonight just proves how much tension there is, how things are not resolved. The group has been in the middle between Chris and me since—" I catch myself.

"Since I came back? Sorry about that," Tris finishes for me, not even looking at me while continuing to feed Andy. She's smiling at the baby and making him laugh.

Fuck, I just keep making this worse. I get down on the floor so I can kneel next to Tris, and I wrap my arms around her waist.

"I know that sounded bad, but that's not how I meant it. You coming back is the biggest miracle of my entire life. Well, you and this baby we almost lost." I smile at her while gently touching Andy's cheek.

Tris nods and returns my smile genuinely, and we both look over at our son, the child that was stolen from us. I can't even imagine what our lives would be like without him.

I pull her hands into mine, kiss them, and then lay my head in her lap. Tris gently runs her fingers along the top of my head. I need to tell Tris about tomorrow's breakfast. I close my eyes to enjoy her caresses for a moment.

I sit up. "Tris, I need to talk to you about something," I say softly.

"Okay," Tris says while cleaning Andy's highchair tray. He's done eating and needs to be changed.

Tris asks me to clean up the kitchen area while she handles Andy.

As I'm cleaning, I decide to just go for it. "After you left, Christina got really emotional."

Tris doesn't look at me, she just nods and makes a small 'hmmm' noise.

I quickly finish cleaning up, and then rush over to keep talking with her. "So, Christina asked to meet with me for breakfast tomorrow. She has things she wants to say, questions she wants to ask. She said she needs closure."

I wait and wait. Tris is picking out pajamas for Andy. Finally choosing a pair, she closes his drawer in the dresser.

"What time are you meeting her? I assume you don't expect me to make her breakfast here," Tris says calmly, looking at me blandly like she just asked me if I wanted vanilla or chocolate cake.

I frown at how she is acting. Christina getting her damned closure is not worth this. Fuck her, she can just deal, or find a therapist of her own.

"I'm going to cancel. It's fine," I say quickly.

"No! No fucking way," Tris snaps. Her tone startles me.

"You cancel now and I'll look like the pathetic asshole who won't let her boyfriend meet his ex for breakfast. You made your plans in front of everyone, now you are keeping them," Tris says coldly. "Go give Chris the closure she needs."

"Tris, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. No one else matters except you!" I insist.

Tris shakes her head from side to side. "You're a grown man, Tobias. I'm not the boss of you. You are free to do whatever you want. If you agreed to meet with her, then you should do so."

I cringe at how this conversation is going. I need to try and fix this.

"Tris, for a long time we have been talking about making trust and communication a central part of our relationship. We can't stop now," I say, stepping closer to her and running my hand up and down her back.

Tris looks at me for a moment and then walks away, still not saying anything, which pretty much tells me she is done talking about this.

Tris looks at me for a moment and then walks away, still not saying anything, which pretty much tells me she is done talking about this

++o++

Later that evening, Tris seems exhausted, like this whole day has dragged her down. She seems so put out. I help her get Andy to sleep, and she thanks me.

With the baby finally sleeping soundly in his crib, I run my hand up and down the side of her arm. I love her so much, and I just want to show her how I feel. I close my eyes, remembering how amazing our morning was. I slowly begin massaging her shoulders while standing behind her. My body reacts to having her so close, my pants getting tighter.

I hate the tension between us. I'm desperate to be close to her. I crave being able to lay her down on our bed and show her that she is the only one for me. She has always been the only one. I have never loved anyone but Tris Prior. Ever.

I begin kissing the side of her neck. I want to make her come before we even get to the bed. Moving my right hand around her hip, I slowly dip my fingertips in the waistband at the front of her pants. Suddenly, Tris grabs my wrist forcibly. "Tobias, don't."

I frown, but freeze as she asked. I gulp, waiting to see if she will explain.

She slowly untangles herself from me and turns around to look at me. I try to hide how hurt I feel.

"Don't look at me that way. I started my period this afternoon. You know how the first day is... I just don't want to fool around," Tris says as she flashes me a smile, then walks away from me.

I can't help but think the smile she just gave me was to express her great joy that we wouldn't be intimate tonight. I sigh and follow her.

We end up playing a game of cards. Tris smiles at me, and we are both enjoying spending time together, but I want more. The little voice in my head is screaming that something is not right. She is saying all the right things, but I can't help but wonder what she is really thinking and feeling.

When we get up to clean our dessert plates, I wrap my arms around her again. I whisper sweet things in her ear while running my hands gently up and down her sides. "Tris, please... I need you. The baby is asleep, we can have sex in the shower. It will be good, I promise. It is my goal to make you scream my name again and again."

Tris sighs, untangling herself from my arms. "No, thank you, and please don't ask me again." Tris gets her change of clothes and walks towards the bathroom. "I'm not feeling great. I am going to shower and then I want to go to bed. Besides, now you have a really early morning tomorrow."

I nod my head in acceptance as she walks away, hearing her shut the door, followed by the click of the bathroom lock. I frown, trying to figure out how I keep ending up in these situations, how I keep hurting Tris. Christina is nothing to me; I wish her well and that's about it. But somehow, things just keep getting worse and worse.

I'm more than ready to deal with Christina and her breakfast request. I'm actually looking forward to having it out with her. While I was drugged and half asleep in the hospital was not the right time for me to call her out on her shit. Christina is not innocent in all of this, and I plan to go over every last grievance with her tomorrow. I will be getting my damned closure as well.

As I lie down on my side of the bed to sleep alone, I remember Tris waking me up this morning. Her hands glided all over my body, concentrating on one special area. I close my eyes and try to push my lustful feelings away.

Damn it.

What a difference a day makes.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	30. CH 30: Closure

CH 30: Closure

Date: End of July +o+ Baby is 9+ months old

^^ The Next Morning ^^

*Tobias POV*

The dread hits me before I even open my eyes for the first time this morning. Mere seconds after waking up, I remember that I'm having breakfast with Christina today. My anxiety is not over the actual breakfast; I'm much more concerned with how things will play out for me at home, with Tris. Craving her warmth, I reach over to her side of the bed, frowning when I realize the sheets are cold. She has not been in bed for quite a while.

I sit up and look around the still-dark apartment. It's only 6:30 AM, and there's no sign of her. I get up and immediately see that Andy is sleeping soundly in his crib. I don't bother making the bed as I rush through the apartment, looking for a clue. I find her note on the kitchen counter. She went to an early morning spin class at the gym. Her rehabilitation after the coma included a free membership to the super gym that is downtown. Her note lets me know that she will be back in time for "your breakfast with Christina."

Fuck. She is definitely not okay with this.

Breakfast is at an urban, upscale restaurant that Chris and I used to visit often, even before we were dating. I roll my eyes, recalling that she picked the time and place in front of the group. I found it a little odd she picked a restaurant that has so much history for us. As our friends were sitting right there, I decided against making a big deal about where we met. Since I don't care anymore, it doesn't matter what memories a place may hold.

Christina could invite me to have a picnic breakfast on the floor of the Dauntless training room, and I wouldn't care. All I care about is Tris.

Twenty minutes later, I've taken a quick shower, I'm wearing my work slacks and undershirt, and I'm getting ready to start my morning shave. The baby is still sleeping, and I have fifteen minutes before I need to walk out the door. The moment I hear Tris unlocking the front door, I run to greet her.

She places her gym bag by the door as she walks in, her cheeks still flushed and her hair in a messy top bun. She obviously powered through quite the workout.

"Hey, I missed you this morning," I say while stopping to stand in front of her.

Tris looks at me, her face blank.

"Aren't you late? Is Andy still sleeping?" she asks.

"Yes and yes." I sigh, pulling her into my arms and kissing her forehead. She is tense at first, but as I hold her, I can her feel relaxing in my arms.

"Tris, just say the word and I'll cancel this 'closure' breakfast. Nothing is worth putting a wedge between us," I offer.

Tris looks conflicted, her eyes alert as her brows furrow. She wraps her arms around my waist, and I take that as an invitation to kiss her. My lips gently press against hers before I pull away. Our eyes lock, and I gently kiss her again before pulling away once more. I continue this for a bit longer with small kisses, sweet and loving. Suddenly, Tris's arms slide up my chest to rest on my shoulders.

"Tris," I whisper. "It's one breakfast, which she wanted. Her wants don't trump what we have. I can call her right now and—"

"No. I meant what I said last night. You made these plans, just give her the meeting she wants," Tris says calmly. "You better hurry, you wouldn't want to keep her waiting."

I nod. "I'm gonna shave and then head out."

"I'm going to have a bowl of cereal before the baby wakes up," Tris says while walking towards the kitchen area.

I lather my face with shaving cream and quickly run the straight razor up my neck and face on the left side. Cleaning the razor, I lean towards the mirror and begin shaving up the right side of my neck when there is a sharp knock at our apartment door.

I poke my head out of the bathroom, locking eyes with Tris, then walk towards the door.

"Are you expecting anyone? Did the lobby call and ask to send someone up?" I question Tris.

"I have no idea who it is," Tris says, looking concerned.

We open the door to see Christina standing in the hallway.

"Good morning. Can I come in?" she says cheerfully.

++o++

I'm flabbergasted — what the hell is she doing here? I know I didn't get our meeting place and time wrong. I never would have invited her to our home, not to where my family lives.

"Tobias? May I come in?" she asks again.

I glance at Tris, she looks as shocked and unhappy as I feel.

"

"

 

"We agreed to meet at the restaurant. Why the hell are you here? And with no notice, to boot," I say coldly and quietly, so as to not wake Andy.

"This is exactly why I didn't ask first," Christina huffs. "I realized weeks ago that I left a pair of earrings here. Normally, I would just cut my losses, except they originally belonged to my grandmother and Mom has been asking me about them. She wants the earrings back."

I frown. I haven't seen any unfamiliar earrings lying around. Not that I've checked every inch of this apartment.

"Where did you leave them?" Tris asks calmly. "And please keep your voice down, our baby is sleeping."

"Thank you, Tris. I believe I left them in the nightstand by the bed," Christina says politely.

I roll my eyes. "Why didn't you just ask me to find them and bring them to the restaurant?"

"Because they're really important to my family, and I wanted to find them myself. Enough, Tobias! You are just being petty now," Christina hisses.

My eyes narrow as I remember that I have shaving cream on one side of my face. I want her out of our home. With all the bad blood between her and Tris, and the hurtful things she has said, it's completely inappropriate for her to bust into our home.

"Christina, please get your earrings and leave. I will meet you at the restaurant as planned." I look at Tris. "Are you okay here alone? I need to finish getting ready."

Tri nods to indicate she is fine. I walk to the bathroom and quickly resume shaving.

Minutes later, I walk out to grab my dress shirt and I see that Christina and Tris are now by the front door. Christina has a smug smile on her face, and she chuckles. I can't see Tris's face, but I see her shoulders stiffen. Tris swings the door open and motions for Christina to get out. Tris slowly closes the door behind her, leaning her forehead against the door as though to calm herself.

I swiftly walk over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders, and kiss the back of her head. Tris immediately twists out of my grasp and walks away from me, rushing into the bathroom.

"Tris—" I call after her.

"I need a minute, just give me that!" she snaps, closing the door.

The baby starts fussing; he's missed all of the excitement this morning. I walk over to the crib and pick him up, kissing his forehead while walking to the bathroom. I'm desperate, and I know this is a sneaky move...but if anything will pull Tris out of that bathroom, it will be her child that loves to see his mommy every morning.

"Tris, Andy is awake and he wants to see his mommy," I say through the door. I smile when I hear Tris sigh.

She opens the door and rolls her eyes at me.

"All's fair in love and war. Besides, our baby wants us to talk this out. And then make up and make out. I'm sure of it," I say while handing Andy over to her. Tris smiles at him and takes him as he squeals "Mamma" at her.

"Tris, are you okay?" I ask her seriously.

"Yup," she says, walking me towards the door as she looks at the clock on the wall. I'm now running a bit late. "You better go."

I nod in agreement, and we say goodbye. It kills me how sad Tris's eyes are as she smiles and says goodbye.

It's time to settle things with Christina and move forward.

Enough is enough.

++o++

Entering Yolk, I immediately recognize the hostess that is seating the people waiting in line for a table. Upon seeing me, she smiles and waves me to the front, earning some grumbles from customers that had entered before me.

"Settle down, his girlfriend already has a table. He's not cutting. Come on, people!" she chastises them.

Come on, people!" she chastises them

 

I cringe when she refers to Christina as my girlfriend. I've actually not even thought about this place since before I left for the Bureau many months ago.

I feel the need to correct her. "Christina and I are no longer together, not that you would really care. But just for your information," I stammer, realizing how petty I sound.

The hostess turns and smiles at me flirtatiously. "Hmmm...does that mean you're available now? I'd love to get your number."

I stare at her, trying to decipher if she is joking around or not. But I decide to err on the side of caution. "Actually, I got back together with my previous girlfriend. So, no, not available."

"Too bad, handsome." She laughs, then keeps walking to the back of the restaurant where Christina is seated and waiting for me.

Before arriving at the table, the hostess whispers good luck to me; she could probably see the unhappy look on Chris's face from across the room.

Here we go.

"Christina, hello," I greet her before sitting in the chair across the table from her.

She frowns. "Hi, Tobias." She looks around the restaurant before her eyes settle on me. "It's weird how the small details are the ones that make things feel more painful."

Raising my eyebrows, I ask, "What do you mean?"

"It's just...we used to come here all the time. The last time I was here, it was with you. We started coming here months before we ever became a thing, and we'd always sit next to each other, not across like you just did." Her voice trails off.

"Yeah, I did think your restaurant choice was a little odd. Besides, a lot has changed—" I start before she interrupts me.

Cutting me off, she snaps, "Yeah, I know. Tris is back. Believe me, who could forget?"

"Christina. Our not being together isn't all about Tris." I look at my coffee before continuing. "Even when she pushed me away and I gave up hope, I still didn't choose to be with you. I came back to Chicago alone, and I stayed alone. I ended things with you, and you need to move on."

"Tobias, I know I need to move on. Logically, I know that!" Christina says firmly. "Did Zeke tell you we had a long talk after he returned from helping you at the Bureau? Helping you two save your son..." Her voice trails off.

"No, he didn't," I admit.

"He was so...Zeke-like, blunt and direct, which I appreciated. He sat me down and told me there was no hope for you and me. He saw firsthand how desperately in love you are with Tris," she says slowly, pausing before continuing. She takes in a shaky breath. "He even told me that he had the hotel room next to you two at the Bureau..."

I wince. Good God, Zeke! I was bothered when he admitted talking to Shauna about all the sex he heard from our room...but I just can't believe he told Christina, too. For fuck's sake, who else has he told?

"Don't look so horrified. He just told me that you were very vocal, and the main takeaway was how very open and passionate you were about your love for Tris. Zeke made it very clear that what he witnessed while you and I were dating shriveled in comparison to what you and Tris have. I get why he did it; Zeke wanted to make sure my eyes were open." Chris laughs halfheartedly. "He even reminded me that you were never in love with me, and that I wasn't sure myself...until I felt pressure to say it to try and salvage our relationship. All the things Zeke said were painful to hear, but they were true."

I nod. "I understand, that all had to be hard to hear. But it is important you know that it was all true, every word of it."

Christina frowns painfully while I glance at my watch. I emailed Johanna's assistant that I may be late this morning, but I also have no desire to go around and around with Chris all day.

"So what other closure do you need? You requested this sit-down," I remind her.

"So what other closure do you need? You requested this sit-down," I remind her

Christina scoffs. "I just hate how things are now. I went from having this great group of friends and an amazing boyfriend to being left with nothing. Tris's return basically torpedoed my life!"

"You know what, Christina, as much as you may want to blame everything on Tris, you need to look at the whole picture and take some ownership," I retort. My muscles tighten in aggravation.

"Excuse me?! Ownership over what? You having sex with me one morning, and then several hours later dropping me like a bad habit upon simply seeing Tris?" she hisses, blazing mad.

"What did you want me to do? Pretend? Lie to you? Chris, you and I only dated for one month. I spent a full year mourning the love of my life. I never stopped loving her, not ever. You knew this, every step of the way. My nightmares over her loss, and the pain it caused me...I was devastated not having her with me. You knew I was still in love with Tris, and I always would be." I pause to control myself and think over my words. I want to be honest, but not cruel. "Yes, a twist of fate, a miracle, whatever you want to call it — happened, and Tris came back into my life. Which is where she belongs. It wouldn't have mattered to me if you and I had sex two minutes before...the moment I learned Tris was back, you and I were done as a couple."

"God, you can be such an asshole," Chris says while shaking her head. She waits a few moments to get her temper under control. "What's so sick is that all this time...I still wanted you back."

As much of a jerk as I am, and despite all of her wrongs, I don't take any pleasure in seeing her suffer.

"That month we were together...things moved so fast for us. It felt right, it was one of the happiest times of my life. And now I'm alone, while you have Tris and a son. You have all this love in your life, after you tore my heart out!" she cries, tears filling her eyes.

"Christina, we broke up. Our relationship ended. What type of breakup would have satisfied you?! I didn't just send you a text message when we broke up. I was honest and I told you I was sorry — and I meant it! I'm sorry that you got hurt, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. But I can't apologize for something I am not sorry about, and that is loving Tris." I sigh before addressing the issues at hand. "Chris, I talked to you, we later met for coffee to discuss it further, I let you stay in my apartment when you needed it, you hung out at my work function with my peers, and I tried to remain friends. I tried to be decent and kind. But how did you repay me?"

Chris frowns while holding my gaze and staring at me head on. At least she is not a coward, I'll give her that.

"You tried to crush me. You tried to ruin what is most important to me in the world," I snap. "You talked about how important we were to each other, that all you wanted was to make me happy. If you were really my friend, you wouldn't have tried to destroy what I needed."

Tears slowly creep down her face, she quickly wipes them away. "What did she tell you?"

I frown at Christina.

"The problem is what Tris doesn't tell me! She keeps it all bottled up inside. All your tricks and manipulations? They worked like a charm! You destroyed her, while also making her hate me," I spit angrily. "The worst part? You know her so well, you knew exactly what you were doing to us! Your fucking lies...they cost me, Christina! And maybe you think I deserved it because I hurt you. All I can say is, if you had dumped me, I would never have tried to hurt you. I would never do that to a friend," I finish harshly.

Christina hangs her head in shame, sitting quietly for a few minutes. Even if she has nothing to say, I needed her to know how I felt about her and her actions.

"Some of the things you've said, Christina, how could you? I'm shocked you would talk to anyone that way. Lies aside, rubbing it in her face about what our sex life was like?" I breathe to calm myself. "That was cruel, and you know it."

Christina nods, agreeing with me.

"I was hurt, even her rejection of me stung, and I was reeling from losing you. I wanted you back. I really believed that she would never forgive you for being with me. I'm sure she wouldn't be with you if not for your baby. Shauna told us everything! You and Tris were over, it wasn't until she learned of Andy that she showed up in Chicago needing your help. How was I supposed to know a secret child existed that would make her take you back!" Christina cries.

I am shocked and incredulous. It has never once crossed my mind that Andy might be the only reason that Tris forgave me or is with me.

No. No way. Tris loves me.

"Part of me was mad at her for what I lost as well. She was my best friend, and she picked Caleb over all of us," Christina takes a moment to drink her coffee, gathering her thoughts. "I'm just trying to explain where I was coming from."

I nod for her to continue with her long list of excuses.

"You probably don't want to hear this, but I need to let you know what you mean to me. When I got the call about the bus accident, I was devastated. I still care about you so much, Tobias. I just needed to see you, to make sure with my own eyes that you were okay. When I went into your room, you were sleeping." Christina is crying softly now, and I feel a pang of guilt. No matter what has happened, she's someone that I once cared deeply for. "A nurse stopped by, and she told me you were sedated after all of your tests and that you'd be asleep for awhile. I just..."

"You just what?" I ask, furrowing my brows.

"I sat with you, I held your hand, and I let myself pretend things were right. I imagined that you were still mine, and that I was where I belonged, by your side. You slept so peacefully for over an hour, and I was with you and it felt wonderful," she admits, her cheeks flaming red.

"Wait, what? You were in my room for over an hour?" My thoughts run wild as Christina nods yes.

I told Tris that Christina had only just arrived, and that we talked for about five minutes. I believed what Chris had originally told me, that she walked in and woke me up so we could talk. But instead, she was in my room for over an hour?!

I remember how upset Tris was after she returned from signing in — could she have learned that Christina had been in my room for longer than I thought?

No way. It's been so many weeks, Tris would have said something by now. I know she was angry about my poor choice of words when I explained why I let Christina sit on my bed while holding my hand, and rightfully so.

"Tobias, I just want to apologize for the things I did and said when Tris came back. I was desperate to get you back, but that is no excuse. The truth is, even now when I'm around Tris, I can't control myself. My competitive nature takes over and I end up saying and doing things that are spiteful." Chris sighs, as though saying the words has taken a huge load off of her shoulders. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm so sorry. And I hope you can forgive me!"

"Christina, I'm not happy with what you did, but I need to let go of this for my own happiness. I do forgive you. The truth is I wanted to meet with you today to know that I tried to give you the closure you said you needed, but I'm done. I don't want you in my life...in any way. We stopped being friends a long time ago, and I'm okay with that," I say firmly, very sure of my decision.

She nods sadly, allowing me to continue.

"I do wish you well, I want you to be happy in life. I sincerely hope that one day you find someone wonderful who will be the one for you. But that man was never going to be me," I finish.

"Thanks for accepting my apology. I feel the same way. I don't want a front seat to your happy life with Tris. I want distance as well. And I do see it now, you were never going to love me the way that you loved her. Even if she hadn't come back, a part of you died with her." Christina smiles ruefully. "And I know I deserve better than that."

I smile back at her. "I think you deserve better than that, too."

"I just want to say congratulations on everything. Getting Tris back, having a son, I'm happy for you, even if it still hurts me. You deserve good things in your life." Christina grabs her purse and starts to pull out her wallet. "And I promise, I won't be making any more problems for you and Tris."

"Put your wallet away. I'll cover breakfast," I say as she nods in thanks.

I stand up to say goodbye. Christina looks at me sadly, she seems unsure what to do as we stand face to face. I smile and pull her in for a hug. I know this is the last time I will see her. I'm ready to put the past behind me and move forward with Tris.

As we pull apart, I see that Christina has tears in her eyes. It's not a look of sadness or longing, but I can't pinpoint it.

"Tobias, I just want to say, for anything new that you hear about me, things I've said or done — I am sorry for everything. Please tell Tris I'm sorry, too," Christina says softly, kissing me on the cheek and then turning to leave.

I quickly grab her arm while turning her to face me. "Christina, what is that supposed to mean? Did you do something today? Did you do something to Tris at the apartment?!" I ask frantically.

As Tris's name passes my lips, Christina tenses and frowns at me.

"Let me go, Tobias," she says emotionlessly.

"Answer the question, and I'll be very happy to let you go," I say pointedly. By the expression on her face, she understood my double meaning.

"I'll ask you again, remove your hand from my arm," she says forcefully.

In that moment, I realize that I'm not the only one who is done. I release her arm and she quickly walks away without another glance.

I frown watching her leave. Why do I have a bad feeling that something else is going to fall on me like a ton of bricks?

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	31. CH 31: Jealousy

CH 31: Jealousy

Date: End of July +o+ Baby is 9+ months old

^^ In the Apartment ^^

*Tris POV*

"Tris, are you okay?" Tobias asks me, his voice sounding so serious. I notice the way he is rushing to grab his dress shirt as he is now late for his little breakfast.

No, Tobias. I am dying on the inside. Why am I in this position again? Forcing myself to go against my instincts and let you and Christina do your thing. Closure? Oh, she needs closure? Run along and give her what she needs. I'll just be here, taking care of our baby.

"Yup," I say as I walk towards the apartment door. I make it a point to look at the clock on the wall. He's running late. Christina won't like that, I'm sure. She is not one to put up with people's crap. Unlike me.

"You better go," I say as I struggle to keep my face neutral.

He nods, agreeing with me.

"Bye," Tobias says.

"Bye," I say as I force a small smile. Knowing where he is going, I just want him out of the apartment before I lose my shit. I'm hanging on by a thread.

The moment the apartment door shuts behind him, I release the air I had been holding. It's sad how much stress all this causes me. Too much. I bite my lip remembering how at ease and happy Christina is with Tobias's "family" of friends. He has been on me for months about how important they are to him, and how he needs me to try.

No, I have to stop. I can't worry about all of that now. My first priority is Andy and keeping it together. He deserves a good life, not a mommy that has pity parties for herself.

I kiss Andy's chubby little cheek; this baby is the light of my life. No matter how bad things are, or even how good, this baby keeps me grounded and secure. I push away all of the jealousy and insecurities that I feel. They'll be waiting for me later.

It's not Tobias's fault you are....

You.

I pick up Andy and sing his favorite songs, and then promise to play the CD with the voices of people that actually have talent.

My phone beeps. I hope it is Tobias calling to tell me that breakfast is already over. I scoop Andy up and walk to the kitchen counter where my phone is charging.

Text from Jessica:

Tris! Last minute trip to Chicago for work. For the next few days, I have a suite at the hotel on N. Michigan (at E. Huron) that they just finished restoring. My schedule is clear today. Let's meet here, or anywhere you want. I need to give your baby a big squeeze.

I frown as I read her text. I love Jessica, she is an amazing friend, but she can also read me like a book. I can't talk to her now. I need to get control of my emotions first. I need to calm down.

I will text her later, when I don't feel like there is a ton of bricks sitting on my chest. Looking at the clock, I wonder what Tobias and Christina are doing right now. I frown and chastise myself for even thinking about them. They are doing whatever they are doing. Thinking about them won't change anything.

Andy eats all of his breakfast, laughing at the CD that is playing his favorite nursery songs. After that, I watch him carefully as he alternates between speed crawling and cruising around the apartment. He is an expert at pulling himself up and then walking while holding on to different pieces of furniture. It is adorable to watch.

Caleb and Candice were here last week to help me baby-proof the apartment now that Andy is on the move. There is still a lot to do, but since the heavy furniture is secured to the wall, I can relax a little. They have flexible hours at the lab, so on the rare days that they take a lunch, it can be a long one. They usually come here in the late morning and work for an hour before I serve us all lunch.

Tobias's work is the busiest it has ever been, so having Caleb and Candice's help has been great — which reminds me that I need to check in with them. They want to come over for their lunch break again soon. My hands were full when we made the plans. I think it may even be tomorrow. Or maybe the next day?

Deep in thought, I suddenly hear it: the sound that makes every mommy cringe. Andy is smiling as I listen to the orchestra that is his diaper blowout. I smirk at how proud he looks. Thankfully, I scoop him up before he can plop down on the floor. Last time, it took me thirty minutes of aggressive scrubbing to get that stain out of the rug. I run him to the bathroom to clean him up. I decide to give him a bath, which he loves, but which also makes him sleepy.

I look at the clock. It's been hours since Tobias left to meet Chris, and there's been no word from him.

He's probably very busy right now.

I frown and turn my attention back to Andy.

++o++

Closing the blinds to the studio and making sure my cell phone is set to vibrate, I quietly walk through the apartment, cleaning up. Andy is taking a late morning nap. He needed it after his bath. Now that the baby is sleeping, I'm free to let my mind tackle the things I have been avoiding all morning.

I feel a pang in my heart. No word from Tobias, and it's been many hours since he left to give Chris her closure.

I feel sick as an image of Tobias screwing Christina on the floor of the Dauntless training room crosses my mind. I never saw their sex photos, but I know enough detail to imagine them. I wonder if he is screwing her one last time, as a goodbye. I'd never find out. I bite my cheek painfully, as I give in to the tears I have been pushing away all day. I sit down on the floor of the apartment where our pseudo-bedroom is. Leaning against the wall as tears flow, I bury my face in my hands and just cry. I've been holding it in for so long.

After my sobs subside, I scowl at the unmade bed. God, Christina is such a mean bitch. Then again, it's not her fault that Tobias always seems to provide her the perfect ammunition with which to torment me.

++o+ Flashback +o++

Christina and I share a look as Tobias goes to the bathroom to finish shaving. We walk silently to the back of the studio where the bed and nightstand table are.

Christina starts laughing as she looks at the unmade bed. I assume she is all judge-y over the messy apartment. Lovely.

She finds her earrings, and I'm relieved. I am glad she got what she came for. Now she can leave.

As we walk in silence towards the apartment door, I notice that she is blatantly looking over every inch of our home, even towards Andy's crib. She again looks back at our bed and chuckles while shaking her head. She is being so nosy and critical.

Who the hell even invited her here? And at such an early hour, too. My child is still sleeping, for goodness' sake. Enough!

"Look, Chris, I'm glad you found your earrings. You need an invitation before coming to our home again. Please don't ever just stop by uninvited," I say softly as we reach the door.

Christina's eyes narrow, and then she starts laughing at me.

"It's sad, really. He couldn't even buy you new sheets for the bed." She motions towards the bed Tobias and I share. "I actually picked out those sheets, and we had a lot of fun breaking them in." She smiles at me, seeming to enjoying every minute of this.

My brows furrow as my frown deepens. What can I say to that?

Absolutely nothing. I'm instantly disgusted that he has screwed us both on the same sheets.

Noticing how much she is affecting me, she steps closer. "I remember being afraid the stains wouldn't come out. Well...I'm sure you know all about that now."

I have no idea what the hell she is talking about.

I quietly open the door and motion for her to leave. Christina smiles smugly at me and tells me to have a nice morning as she walks out of the studio. I quietly close the door behind her and lock it. I feel as though the room is spinning.

Not only did she make me feel like pathetic garbage, she will shortly be enjoying a nice breakfast with my boyfriend.

I rest my forehead on the closed door; I need a moment to calm myself down. I actually feel as though I may vomit. Suddenly, Tobias is holding my shoulders and kissing the back of my head.

I can't stand his touch, not right now. I twist away from him and rush to the bathroom.

"Tris—" he says.

"I need a minute, just give me that!" I snap while closing myself inside the bathroom. I lock the door and sit on the edge of the tub. I bend over, placing my face in my hands.

I know my therapist would want me to talk to him. But seriously, what would be the point of complaining about this? Obviously, Tobias and Christina used to screw in this apartment, on that bed. Even better, I know from her lips that it was on those damned sheets, too. I cringe thinking about her comment about the sex stains. I can't even think about it without wanting to gag.

So, what could Tobias possibly say to make me feel better?

Nothing.

Nothing is going to make me feel better.

++o+ Flashback End +o++

The vibration of my cell phone snaps me out of my dark thoughts, and I wipe my tears and grab a tissue so I can blow my nose. I see it is Evelyn before I pick it up. She begs to see the baby today. She had a last minute change to her work schedule and has today free. While talking to her, I look at my phone. No call or even a text from Tobias. He must be really busy at the moment.

Evelyn couldn't have called at a better time. I need to get out of this apartment, it's stifling.

I let her know that as soon as Andy wakes up from his short nap, I will be on my way for a visit.

++o++

Walking through the lobby with Andy in his stroller, I smile at Clark as he holds the door open for us. I'm using the stroller since I plan to be out and about for the entire day. The apartment is suffocating me right now, and I need to escape its confines.

Reaching the street, I am shocked when I see Matthew sitting on the bench right outside of our building. His eyes light up when he sees me, and he waves and stands. I force a smile and wave back. My mind is immediately racing, remembering coffee yesterday.

I had hoped my gut was wrong — the way he hugged me at the coffee shop just didn't feel right. It just felt like too much, the amount of pressure he used and how low his hand went on my back. I just got a strange vibe from it. I thought it was just in my mind since I was so uncomfortable already.

"Hey, Tris," Matthew says as he leans in to kiss me on the cheek. His hand lingers on my arm. "Can we talk?"

"Um, Matthew. What are you doing here?" I ask, still hopeful this is not what I suspect.

He ushers me to the bench and we sit. He seems nervous.

I lock the wheels of the stroller and give Andy one of his baby books to play with. I turn the stroller so Andy is not looking at us.

When I turn back to Matthew he stuns me by suddenly pulling me into his arms and trying to kiss me. I gasp in shock and turn my face; his lips land on my cheek.

"Matthew!" I cry as I pull away, pushing his arms off me. "What are you thinking?!"

"Tris, I ignored my feelings for you when we were at the Bureau. I respected your relationship with Four. But now—" he says before I cut him off.

"But now what? Now that Four and I have a baby together, you thought this would be a better time?" I hiss. I'm actually flabbergasted at him; why would he want me, of all people? And now, of all times?

"Look, you and Four have a child, which I think is great, by the way. But I saw it last night — he isn't making you happy. Not really. I just feel like I need to try now, or I will never know if we could have worked," he finishes hopefully. "Just because you guys have a baby, it doesn't mean you should settle."

"What Four and I have is not up for your judgement. You have some nerve coming here, to where Four and I live!" I am shocked at his brazenness, especially since Matthew knows how possessive Tobias is when it comes to his family.

Matthew shrugs. "I knew that Four would be with Christina today. So, it wasn't that big of a risk."

I cringe as he continues. My man is with his ex, while I have this engaged guy hitting on me.

Isn't life grand?

Matthew is talking, but I'm not really listening. I feel sick. He is saying something about wanting to at least explore if there could be something between us.

I should have paid more attention, because suddenly he is roughly pulling me to him and trying to kiss me again. I push him away and jump up. My eyes are wide — is he kidding? My son is here, we are in front of Tobias's apartment, and anyone could see us.

"Matthew, don't you dare touch me again. My answer is no! Four aside, you are engaged to Cara, right? How could you do this to her?" I screech.

Matthew frowns and looks terribly embarrassed. He sits on the bench and puts his face in his hands. I do not make any attempt to comfort him. I just want him to get the hell out of here.

"Tris, I'm so sorry. It's just wedding jitters; I love Cara. I've just been so confused. Please, Cara and I are getting married next month. This would crush her," he pleads. I hear the unspoken message, he wants me to keep my mouth shut.

I think about the nasty looks Cara gave me last night. She is obviously on Christina's side. I also know Cara was really rude to Caleb during the time I was gone. But that isn't enough of a reason for me to enjoy what just happened here, or to want to hurt her. This is between her and Matthew.

"Matthew, I want you to leave. And I want you to stay away from me. I never want to think about today again. Ever." I cross my arms around myself. "Please go."

Matthew looks regretful as he walks away. I get Andy's stroller and walk in the opposite direction to Evelyn's apartment.

My mind is reeling. What an asshole. He is engaged and acting this way with me? Although not fair or logical, Matthew's actions make me question men in general.

I wonder how Tobias is enjoying his closure time with Chris.

++o++

Sitting at Evelyn's, I try to relax and act normal. She is always so happy to see Andy. She has told me a few times that the resemblance between Andy and Tobias as a baby is incredible. Evelyn was so excited to show me the new pack 'n' play she bought for Andy. He would have no problem sleeping in it for an overnight stay. I smile at her nice gesture.

"I'm serious, Tris! What about tonight? I can keep Andy, you and Tobias can have a romantic night," Evelyn says.

My face falls. That is the last thing I want right now.

"Tris, what's wrong? I thought you'd be happy to have a night alone with Tobias," she pushes. I know she's just worried about her son.

"Nothing, we're fine," I say while looking at the baby.

"Is he at work?" she asks.

"I don't know. He had breakfast with Christina, so... He's a big boy, I'm sure he knows what he's doing," I mumble as I fidget with the strap of my purse.

At the mention of Christina, Evelyn nods and looks sympathetic for a moment.

"The day that Tobias offered me a chance to try again was the same day that a part of him disappeared right in front of me," Evelyn whispers sadly.

I nod, remembering the video of his suffering. The video that changed everything for me. Then the guilt rolls over me. I forgave him for Christina. I promised him I wanted to be with him, that I wanted to be a family, and here I am...struggling.

Well, when I forgave him, I wasn't expecting Christina to be standing in my home, pointing out how he screws me on the sheets she broke in.

"You are so important to him, more than anyone ever could be. Forget about Christina, she was just a substitute for you. She was so aggressive when she pushed and pushed for him to let you go. He settled for her when really, he only ever wanted to be with you," Evelyn assures me.

I nod silently. I hear her, but it doesn't make it feel any more true.

"Tris, let me help. You are always with the baby, day in and day out. I will keep Andy today, I don't have any plans and he will take his long nap soon. What do you say?" she offers.

I think about Jessica, and the text she sent me, and make my decision. I accept Evelyn's offer, and since I was planning to stay out the entire day, I already have all the things Andy will need in his diaper bag. I promise her that I will pick Andy up right before dinner time.

Texts with Jessica:

Tris: Jessica, I'm not doing well. I really need a friend.

Jessica: Meet me in the lobby of the hotel, I will be sitting here waiting for you. XO

Relief floods me as I read the text. If I can trust anyone's opinion, it is hers.

++o++

The moment I see Jessica waiting for me at the hotel's bar, I feel the floodgates of my emotions opening. I can't hold it in any longer. She stands to greet me, her face falling when she sees my expression. She meets me halfway and gives me a hug. I smile at her, and then my tears start. My right hand covers my face, and I hug myself tightly with my left arm.

My right hand covers my face, and I hug myself tightly with my left arm

Jessica's hand guides me to her table. "Oh, honey, what's wrong? It can't be that bad. Talk to me, let me help you," she says.

Handing me a napkin to blow my nose, and giving me some time to calm myself, she sits down next to me. Jessica looks very concerned.

"Oh, Jessica! I think I'm going insane! We were doing so well, and things between Tobias and me were so good. We had our beautiful baby back, we were starting our new life here. But now, things have just changed, I have changed. I don't know what to do," I cry softly while explaining to Jessica.

"When did it start? You were so happy when Michelle and I came for our visit. You were so excited for your visit to the Bureau, just before the bus accident," she pushes, trying to understand.

"I'd say it started the day of the bus accident. My cell phone died, and I didn't know about the accident or his injuries for many hours. When I did find out, I ran to the hospital."

"Okay," Jessica says, urging me to continue.

"When I got to his room, I looked in through the window, and there was Christina. She was sitting next to him on the bed, and they were holding hands!" I cry.

"No! I can't believe he would be so stupid," Jessica hisses. Her eyes are instantly filled with fury. "After everything he now knows about Christina? The things she said to you the night of her sex dance? How she put you down, told lies to keep you apart?"

I bite my lip. I still have not let go of seeing him at the hospital with Christina. "It's worse than that," I whisper. "When she left, he told me that he felt sorry for her, and that she had just arrived to see him. Less than five minutes earlier, he said."

Jessica takes a sip from her drink, motioning for me to keep talking.

"I had to go back to the visitor desk to check in, and I saw video proof with my own eyes. Chris arrived more than an hour and a half earlier. The video even showed her entering his room," I mutter. Jessica is the first person I am admitting this to.

"Holy shit! What did he have to say for himself when you asked?" she demands.

I frown and lower my eyes.

"Um, Tris? You did confront him, right? How the hell could you not!" Jessica challenges, realizing that I didn't. "Tris! What if there is an explanation?"

"Why didn't I confront him? Because I am a damned coward. Even the possibility that he would look at me and admit he lied, admit that he spent over an hour bonding with that woman, I knew that would be it. We would be over." I shudder. "If he said the words out loud, I would leave him. I'd be done."

Taking a sip of water to calm myself, I say, "I love him so much it hurts. I'm terrified of losing him, but I'm also not happy."

"How could you be happy, Tris?!" Jessica snaps at me. "Holding those doubts isn't healthy for your relationship."

"I've put it away. When we made up, I warned him about needing to feel safe in our relationship moving forward," I answer with a sigh.

"How's that working out for you?" Jessica asks in a snarky tone.

I roll my eyes and she laughs at me.

I explain about his group of friends and what happened with coffee last night. We agree that no one is to blame, it was just a weird coincidence with us cancelling and then being able to make it. Jessica laughs when I tell her about Rose. She thinks that "nasty bitch" must run in that family.

"Okay, so you hightailed it out of there. We need to work on your strength. I would have sat myself down and ordered a latte. When I'm uncomfortable, I like to share the wealth," Jessica jokes. "Was that it?"

"No, Tobias came home later and told me that Christina was very emotional and needed closure. So they met for breakfast today," I complain.

Jessica's eyes widen. "No."

"I should say they were supposed to meet; instead, she knocked on our door early this morning," I say irritably.

"Such a power play." Jessica rolls her eyes. "Christina knows that you, and even Tobias, are not going to stand up to her. So, she will keep on being petty and pushing the limits. Let me assure you, no damned enemy of mine would have the stones to show up at my home that way."

I frown and nod. I haven't even told her about the sheets yet.

"Tris, I love you. After all these months, you and Michelle have become like sisters to me. So, I am going to treat you like a sister now." She pauses, frowning. "Your relationship with Tobias is not going to survive if you don't start being honest with him, like immediately. You think you are letting things go by not mentioning them, but instead they are eating away at you. You aren't letting go of jack shit, Tris!"

Hearing her explain it, I understand the logic.

"Jessica, there is one more thing. There's a secret I've been keeping from Tobias," I whisper.

"How far along are you?" Jessica squeals excitedly.

"I'm not pregnant, jeez!" I laugh at the disappointment on Jessica's face. "No, this is something that will absolutely infuriate Tobias."

"I was going to tell Tobias when we were at the Bureau. But that never happened, and the timing never seemed right after we brought Andy home; then the accident happened, and as a result, I haven't told him yet. Anyway, the secret is that James left a large trust fund for Andy. I already inquired about refusing the funds, but it was structured in such a way that even if I refuse it, it will all still go to Andy when he becomes an adult, which is the age of sixteen right now," I explain.

"Until Andy turns sixteen, I'm the only trustee of the account, and every month there is an allowance deposited into an account in my name. Tobias will be livid when I tell him." I frown. "He can't even stand to hear the name James Wilton, so I'm scared to find out what he will do when he hears James will still be providing financially for Andy and me, even from the grave." I tremble even thinking about how Tobias will react.

"Wow, Tris. That's intense. The bus accident was a while ago, so what's holding you back from telling him now? Aside from the man-trum he will surely have," Jessica asks, genuinely confused.

I open my mouth and close it again. I'm tempted to hide my real fears.

No, I need to be honest with someone.

"Ever since things started becoming tense between us, I've realized that if Tobias were to toss me out today, I would have absolutely nothing! Even though I haven't touched it, knowing the trust fund exists helps me sleep at night," I admit.

"Ever since things started becoming tense between us, I've realized that if Tobias were to toss me out today, I would have absolutely nothing! Even though I haven't touched it, knowing the trust fund exists helps me sleep at night," I admit

"I actually think this money is a good thing," Jessica says in a confident tone. "The truth is, you have put yourself in a position where you are completely dependent on him. What about those great companies that were interested in you? You are so young and strong and talented. I know it's unlikely that an employer would let you work just part-time in a high level job, especially not at first. But you could start off in a lesser position, and as you work your way up and prove yourself to them, that can be an option down the road."

I nod, realizing I've got a lot to think about.

I spend another hour with Jessica, catching up on her life. Her pregnancy is going well, and she plans to continue working after her baby is born. She asks about my therapy, as she is still taking part in hers. I admit I've had a couple of phone sessions, but I'm still hoping for someone local.

We hug goodbye, and I decide to go for a walk at the park.

++o++

I walk around Millennium Park, glancing at my phone. Still no word from Tobias. I roll my eyes, wondering if he is back at work. Or is he... I don't even know, doing whatever with Christina?

I sigh and walk past the spot where Tobias and I had our first date. I smile, remembering what a crazy time that was, while also so simple. So much has changed, like my confidence in him.

I sit down to rest, and my doubts begin creeping in. I wish I could block my mind from remembering, but I am unable to.

Christina laughs at me, "God, he really didn't know what he was doing the first time we had sex. Thankfully, the more and more we did it, which was a lot by the way...let's just say he is an amazing lover now. The best I have ever had. And of course, there is no doubt I am way better than you ever could be...no contest there."

"It is important you know this. He wanted me. You should ask him. We were friends, best friends even, and then Tobias kissed me first. So don't fool yourself, he was very happy with me. He is just in love with the IDEA of Tris Prior. You are a responsibility to him, a burden really. It's pathetic..." Christina said cruelly.

Christina is so much more... let's see, sensual and confident, and she's prettier than I am. I wonder if he has ever compared us while we are having sex. How could he not?

The worst thing for me is that I know he cares about her. He can tell himself that it is guilt for hurting her, or that he feels he owes her, but I know that deep down he genuinely cares about Christina, and he probably always will.

So where does that leave me? I can either accept it or suffer over it.

She needed closure; so, did they have goodbye sex, too? Is he only staying with me out of obligation to Andy?

Damn it! These thoughts are poison! What is wrong with me? I get my phone out and send a desperate email to my therapist, Kelly White. I can't keep going like this. It's eating at me from the inside.

I hit send and close my eyes to think, and suddenly, two realizations hit me. I stand up and smile. Acknowledging them and then accepting them instantly makes me feel lighter, some of my stress melting away.

I want to work, but not because I fear Tobias leaving me. I want to work to be challenged, to have adult interaction. I think about the two positions that I was offered — both had a daycare on site. They mentioned that many parents use their lunch and break time to visit their kids. The one that is close to Tobias's office has continued emailing me to keep in touch, expressing their interest.

The second realization makes me sad, and I will need to talk to Tobias. I hope he will understand.

I know what I need to do.

I'll deal with the repercussions later.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	32. Chapter 32: Tell Me What To Do

Chapter 32: Tell Me What To Do

Date: End of July +o+ Baby is 9+ months old

^^ After Closure Breakfast ^^

*Four POV*

My headphones on, I continue to power through the shitload of work on my desk. Since breakfast with Christina, I've had Tris on my mind non-stop, and it's been hard to focus. Just sitting with Chris at that memory-filled restaurant reinforced how much I need and want Tris in my life.

I felt empty while having breakfast with Christina today. I realize now that she is not the friend I thought she was. I wonder how much of a "friend" Christina really would have been had I started dating someone other than her. I've seen firsthand how low she is willing to stoop when it comes to Tris.

It doesn't really matter, though, it's over. I can't turn back time. Tris and I have made it through so much crap, and we finally have each other now. We are free to be happy, to live our lives as a family.

I look at the clock. It's early still, but I need to get all this work done. I look over my meeting and project schedules; I am crazy busy, but my hopes are very high. I can't wait to surprise Tris!

++o+ Flashback +o++

Maybe I'll try to get out of here early and surprise Tris! Johanna was already tied up in a meeting when I arrived. I take my opening when I get a minute alone with her. I explain that I have some personal matters going on, and I know that I arrived later than usual, but if possible, I'd like to leave early.

I list the work that needs to be completed today, and explain that I wouldn't even think of leaving before getting it done. Johanna winks at me and agrees. She trusts me to get the needed work done. She also knows I've put in 60-80 hour work weeks in the past however many months with zero complaints.

++o+ End of Flashback +o++

I quickly rearranged some meetings and set a goal of leaving at 2 PM. I'll need to work through lunch and just put my head down and concentrate. I bite my lip, hunkering down. I'll be getting home right at the start of Andy's nap.

I just want time to hold Tris in my arms and show her how much she means to me. I want to tell her everything about the closure breakfast and then put it - and Christina - behind us once and for all.

I roll my eyes thinking about Christina and her vague warning about hearing more negative things down the road. Had I not seen with my own eyes that Tris was fine when I left the apartment, I would have been worried. She will be with Andy this morning, and now I get to surprise her with an afternoon together. Getting back to work, I can't wipe the grin off my face.

++o++

Despite being an insane day at the office, I'm able to leave as early as I planned, thanks in part to some help I was lucky to receive. I explained my plan to get home early to surprise Tris to some of my coworkers, and they were excited for me. A couple of them generously offered to take some of my workload off my shoulders. And when she went for lunch, Johanna's assistant agreed to get a bouquet of flowers for me to give to Tris. She even called me from the flower shop so I could pick out the kinds of flowers that I think Tris would like. Normally, I would go myself, but I had to get my work done in order to leave. I was slammed all day, but purposely didn't call Tris because I didn't want to ruin my surprise. I also didn't want to lie when she asked me what time I was coming home.

Flowers in hand, I see Clark as I enter the apartment lobby. He is on the phone, and I wave off his offer to open the door for me. I rush upstairs, feeling excited to surprise Tris. Part of me hopes that she is napping, too. I can't wait to slip into bed and surprise her with a kiss.

Quietly opening the door, I'm surprised when I see sunlight streaming in through the windows. We always use the blackout blinds when Andy naps.

"Tris?" I call while undoing my tie.

I frown as I am greeted by silence. Shit - they aren't home. I see a note on the kitchen counter.

Tobias-

Andy and I needed a day out.

-Tris

My stomach does a small flip. Something doesn't feel right to me. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I think about what Tris could be doing today. Checking, I see that Andy's stroller is not in our storage closet. She always uses the stroller over the carrier when going out for an extended amount of time.

Tris told me that she was okay with this breakfast. I offered again this morning to cancel, but she insisted I go. But now I have a really bad feeling. I call her cell once and discover it's turned off. I leave her a voicemail anyway.

I breathe in and out and decide I need to make the most of my time until they get back. I start working on chores around the apartment. I start a load of laundry, sweep the floors, and clean the bathroom, almost vomiting when I empty the trash and see (actually smell) the evidence that Andy had a tremendous blowout this morning. Finally, I make our bed before sitting on the couch and waiting for them to come home.

It's been almost an hour and a half and I'm getting impatient. Now I wish I had run my plans by Tris instead of trying to surprise her. She never keeps Andy out for his nap, so I assumed she would be home and my surprise would still have worked. I've placed her flowers in a vase so they don't die. Looking at my watch, I know the mail has been delivered for the day. Sighing loudly, I grab our mailbox key and head downstairs to the lobby.

Stepping off the elevator, I make a beeline to the wall of mailboxes. I nod at Clark, who is deep in conversation with the apartment manager, Mr. Samuel. Clark waves back, and Mr. Samuel turns to see who is there.

"Mr. Eaton! Just the person I wanted to see today. May I have a moment?" Mr. Samuel asks. I can tell by his tone that it's not really a question. I know I'm up to date on the rent, so I quietly groan, hoping one of our neighbors hasn't complained about all the noise Andy makes.

"Of course," I say.

"Let's step into my office. This is not a conversation to have in the lobby," he says while frowning.

Wonderful. I know Andy is still practicing his high-pitched screams as he learns to use his voice, but he has gotten much better in recent weeks. Mr. Samuel motions for me to take a seat as I follow him into his office.

"So, your girlfriend is Tris Prior, right? She's the one you added as a tenant to your apartment when she moved in?" he asks.

Frowning, I confirm he is right. I'm not sure what he could possibly have to say about Tris.

Mr. Samuel scowls at me, suddenly looking very annoyed.

"Then we have a problem, Mr. Eaton. You and Ms. Prior may not know this, but the Lofts at River East is one of our sister properties. So, as soon as Ms. Prior registered in order to tour the building, her information and ID were entered into our database. She was flagged as already being a tenant by our CRM tool," Mr. Samuel says accusingly.

I say nothing as I try to process what he is telling me. I know exactly which building he is talking about, it's only a few blocks away.

She did what?

"Don't try to deny it! She's there right now touring apartments, and I pulled up her information query, too. It says she is looking to move immediately!" Mr. Samuel sputters, getting more and more agitated.

I feel as though the room is spinning. Tris is looking at an apartment right now? She wants to move immediately? What the fuck is going on?

"Mr. Eaton, per your lease, even though you are month-to-month, you are still required to give us a full sixty-day notice. Don't think you can just move out and leave us hanging. I need time to be able to fill the unit and-" he lectures me until I finally can't take it anymore.

"Stop! Please, just stop talking. I had no idea that my girlfriend was interested in moving out, since I have no such plans." I frown while rubbing my temples. "I didn't know she was doing this. I get the feeling she doesn't plan to have me make the move with her," I snap angrily.

Mr. Samuel's mouth falls open, his eyes widening. Suddenly, his cheeks get very red as he opens and closes his mouth before speaking. "Wow! That's terrible."

"Yeah, no kidding. I've gotta go, thanks," I mumble as I stand up and rush out of the building. I know exactly which apartments Tris is touring. I sprint over there, expecting to catch her.

There's still a part of me that hopes this is merely a misunderstanding. Maybe she is with a friend and just tagging along to look at apartment models.

But which friend? Jessica and Michelle don't live here. Candice owns her home in a residential area.

I am so angry, and so hurt at the same time. What could she possibly be thinking?

++o++

As I run up to the building entrance, I pause to catch my breath. Then I see her. Tris is alone and walking out of the lobby holding apartment flyers and lease paperwork. Her beautiful blond hair falls around her in waves, catching the sunlight. It's definitely her. She's looking over the papers intently and not looking up as she walks.

It isn't until right before she bumps into me that she looks away from the papers and makes eye contact. Her eyes widen, and she looks shocked to see me.

Suddenly, I am furious. I feel rage bubbling up in my stomach. How the hell could she do this to me, to us? I frown at her while shaking my head. I feel so betrayed.

The look on her face changes from shock to fear. She's suddenly really uneasy, chewing on her lower lip while nervously fiddling with the paperwork she carries.

"So, this is your version of trust and communication, Tris? What the hell is wrong with you?!" I shout. "Also, where in God's name is our baby?" My voice is starting to shake.

Tears fill her eyes, but I don't care. What the hell is she crying about? I'm the chump that just caught the love of my life scheming behind my back to leave me.

What the hell is she crying about? I'm the chump that just caught the love of my life scheming behind my back to leave me

"Well?" I yell. I can feel my face getting red. I desperately hold on to my anger, because my heart is breaking right here in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Please don't yell at me, Tobias," she whispers while wrapping her arms around herself.

I frown, quickly stepping away from her. I don't want to scare her. I'd never hurt her. Ever. No matter what, not even if she crushed me.

I breathe out slowly to calm myself. "Please, tell me where Andy is."

"Andy's with Evelyn, she offered to spend the day with him," Tris murmurs while wiping a tear off of her cheek.

I look away, glad to hear he is with my mother. I work to calm down, wondering how we got here. I suddenly feel so sad, as though someone is squeezing my chest in a vise.

"Why, Tris?" I ask, my voice cracking as I struggle to remain composed.

"I don't know! Look at me," she cries, tears streaming down her face now. "I hate feeling so insecure. It's torture. You and I... It's not working. Maybe-"

I interrupt her before she can say something I know I don't want to hear.

"Don't say it! We need to actually work at fixing this. Not just say the right words, but do the hard work! I know we can fix this, if we both just try," I exclaim. "What we have is worth fighting for, Tris!"

Tris's lower lip trembles as she agrees with me, her eyes filled with emotion.

She then explains, "I've been emailing with Kelly White today to let her know how urgent things are. I can't wait anymore. I know I need to start regular therapy as soon as possible. Even if it has to be over the phone."

I step closer to her, gently placing my right hand high on her shoulder, my eyes landing on her three ravens for a moment. "Listen to me, please - I love you," I plead with her.

"Listen to me, please - I love you," I plead with her

"Tobias, I love you, too," she murmurs. "I do."

My chest tightens even more. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how else to make you see how devoted I am to you."

My voice straining; I'm trying so hard to get through to her. "Tell me what to do!"

Tris steps away from me, my hand falling to my side.

"Not having breakfast with your ex is a good start," she snaps. Her eyes are suddenly blazing.

I scowl at her. Is she joking with me right now?

"Tris! I offered numerous times to skip that stupid breakfast! You insisted I do it. Why can't you just say what you fucking mean?!" I yell. God, she infuriates me sometimes.

Tris scoffs angrily, "That was after you made the plans! You must have wanted to go. Just admit you still care about Christina, stop denying it!" She pauses to calm herself, I see the anger and hurt in her eyes. "You are a grown man, Tobias, I don't control you. It wasn't fair for you to put the pressure of saying no onto me. You went with her because you wanted to!"

I frown, remembering how I agreed to give Christina her closure meeting because she was weeping and our friends were pressuring me in the middle of that coffee shop. Even Zeke, who is like my brother, suggested I just have one meeting with her and then be done. At first, I agreed out of guilt, but then I decided it was time for me to also address my grievances.

"I honestly didn't see it that way! I was open to the damned closure meeting only because I did have things I wanted to get off my chest. But my need to chew Christina out was never going to come ahead of you or your needs. That's why I kept asking you, Tris!" I bark. "I genuinely thought you'd be honest with me!"

Fuck! I never imagined this bullshit closure breakfast could cost me so much.

People are giving us funny looks as they pass since we are standing in the middle of the sidewalk having this argument.

"Tris, can we go home and talk privately?" I plead.

Tris agrees and we begin to walk in silence. The tension between us is palpable. She's breathing in and out to calm herself. When I notice she's nervously wringing her hands and trembling, my heart aches - I hate seeing her so upset. I move to slide my arm around her, intending to hold her and comfort us both.

She steps away from me. "Please, don't," she whispers.

I cringe at her rejection. I'm hurt and frustrated at the same time. It occurs to me that she may want to leave me immediately. I feel panicked, and swallow the large lump in my throat. What if this is it for us? What happens with Andy?

My throat tightens when I think of our son. I know that whatever happens with Tris will impact his life. Could this be the end, after all we have been through and all we have shared?

++o++

The moment we make it into the apartment, Tris bursts into tears, heavy, gut-wrenching sobs. The anger I've been holding on to washes away. Seeing her in pain kills me.

I wrap my arms around her lovingly and crush her body against mine. If she doesn't want to be held, I wouldn't know. I don't give her the chance to refuse.

Her arms immediately tighten around my waist and she buries her face in my chest. Soon her cries begin to calm down, but we continue to stand like this for a while.

"Tobias," Tris looks up at me; her eyes look so defeated. Placing her hand on my cheek, she says, "I'm just not happy. I wish I was, but I'm not."

My lip trembles, as hearing her say those words feels like a knife in my heart. I'm devastated to hear her say it because she is the only person who truly makes me happy.

"You don't love me? Is that it?" I ask softly as I brace myself for her response. My eyes well with tears as I frantically blink to keep from crying.

Tris sighs. "Not love you? Do you really think that?" she asks incredulously.

I shrug painfully, having no idea what to think anymore.

Tris places both of her hands on my face, forcing me to look at her. "I love you, Tobias Eaton. Too much. So much that it hurts me," she gasps.

I'm confused again, and my face must reflect it because Tris now sounds exasperated.

"I can't even tell you how I suffered today. Having Christina show up here, and then you going off to be with her," Tris says with venom in her voice.

"I went to have breakfast - more like an uncomfortable, hostile meeting - and that was all," I remind her. What the hell does she think happened?

"All I could imagine... I just kept picturing that you were having sex with her, one last time. You never even called me. I've been sick with jealousy," Tris admits.

"Tris! I'm not a disloyal person. I've never cheated on anyone. I wouldn't even think about it, nor would I want to do that." I pull her towards the couch so we can sit and talk. "Look at me. I may be putting my foot in my mouth, but I don't know how else to say this."

Tris looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Christina has wanted me all this time; hell, she probably still wants me! But, I don't care. If I wanted to be with her, then I would be! It's that simple," I explain to her.

Tris scowls at me as angry tears fall down her face. I curse myself for being insensitive, but I honestly don't know how else to get through to her.

Tris is so upset. She says, "Christina and I, we just don't mix. I must bring out the worst in her. And maybe she does in me, too. I don't know. But, I will not live a life where I am treated terribly. What she did today was vile, and..." Tris's voice trails off and she shudders.

"I know, and she shouldn't have come here. Never again," I agree.

Tris laughs bitterly. "Do you even know what she said to me?"

My eyes widen as I wait. Did Christina come by the apartment after our breakfast?

"On her way out, after retrieving her stupid earrings, she was looking at our unmade bed, shaking her head. She purposely told me that she picked out those sheets, and that you two 'broke them in' together. She even told me about the damned sex stains that she had a hard time getting out!" Tris hisses. She is furious, and rightfully so.

I shake my head, actually flabbergasted. Christina is fucking insane. First off, the sheets? Who the hell remembers that shit? My mother also slept on that bed - and on those sheets - for many months. This must be what Christina was referring to at the end of breakfast; she knew she had planted one last bomb in my path.

Merry Christmas, from Christina. She is unbelievable - an awful gift that just keeps on giving.

"There's something else, and I need you to actually be honest. You told me she was in your hospital room for less than five minutes. It was bad enough you had her sitting on your bed and were holding hands with her. But then you lied to me about how long she was there! How could you do that to me?!" Tris cries as her face gets red with anger.

This both shocks and confounds me. "All this time you've been thinking that I was lying to you?! That I had some secret hospital-bonding-time with Christina and that I was hiding it? What does that say about our relationship, that you think I'd be capable of lying to you that way?!"

"Tobias, I saw the video. I saw actual video footage of her entering your hospital room more than an hour and a half before I arrived!" Tris spits at me angrily.

"I had no idea she did that...not until today. And it never even occurred to me that you could be stewing in secret over something she lied about! I'd just been in an accident, Tris - I was medicated and had a head injury! At breakfast this morning, Christina confessed that she'd lied to me, and that I was asleep when she got there. She said she sat there for a long while, just watching me. But when I finally woke up, she told me she had just arrived and that she'd woken me so we could talk," I explain.

"I didn't know at the time that she was lying when she said she'd only been in my room for five minutes. Since I was asleep, I couldn't know that she had been sitting in the room for so long, just watching me and being weird. Not until she admitted it today," I groan. I'm so frustrated at the control Christina has had over us.

"You have no idea how I suffered over this," Tris admits sadly.

"That day that I got out of the hospital, before the bad sex and the James argument: we had a good talk, right? I didn't imagine that?" I pause as Tris agrees. "If you saw the video while you were at the hospital, you thought I was a liar then. Why didn't you confront me?! Why, Tris?"

Tears spill down her cheeks. "Because I was scared and weak. If you were to admit that you lied to me, about Christina of all people... I just knew that it would be over for us. Completely over. And I didn't want to risk us," Tris admits. "Not then, at least," she whispers.

It kills me how much she has suffered, especially since it was avoidable! We need to get better at talking, we absolutely have to.

I run my fingers down her golden hair and she frowns softly at me. I lean down and kiss her gently on the lips. "Tris, all this pain - we could have avoided all of it had you just asked me then, or even yelled at me. We would have figured out the truth...together."

Tris nods, a tear sliding down her cheek. I kiss it away, and then she hugs me tightly. I respond right away and pull her close.

"Tris, let me remind you, let me say it again. And please, hear me. You are the only woman I want. Why can't you see that?" I ask her pleadingly.

"I'm trying, I really am," Tris whispers.

I decide quickly that I have to tell her about breakfast.

"Tris, I'm glad I had that last meal for closure with her," I say, frowning as Tris flinches in my arms. "Hear me out, please," I beg.

Tris scowls while looking annoyed.

"No! I'm fucking tired, Tobias! I love you, I do. But you are not worth me putting up with that woman's shit. No one is! I can't do this anymore. I just can't," Tris says while stepping back to move away from me.

"Are you dumping me? Are we over?" I ask, panicked. She has to say no.

"That's not what I'm saying. I don't want us to end. But, I can't keep playing the Christina-game anymore. I think she is poison, and I want her out of my life completely. And that may mean some mutual friends as well." Tris pauses to breathe. "If that's some kind of deal-breaker for you...then we don't belong together."

She has my full attention. I can see how determined she is.

"I want to be with a man who wants to put me first. Not someone I have to wrangle to do it," she breathes in deeply, then slowly exhales. Seemingly calmer, she says, "I'd rather be single than with someone who makes me unhappy."

I quickly think over what she has said, then step over to her to pull her close, hugging her in relief. I release her, take a step back, and say, "Tris, let me make sure I have this right: you love me, and you want to be with me - the main issue is Christina and her nasty bullshit have to go? Which may also include any mutual friends who can't get on board. And if that happens, you and I...we can continue to love each other and be together?" I repeat back to her, trying to make sure I understand exactly what she is saying.

"Yeah, pretty much," Tris mumbles, her brows furrowing over my simple recap.

I crash my lips against hers and pull her close to me again. I stare into her eyes when we break apart.

"That is the best thing I've heard in a long time. You have me, Tris. You do: body, mind, heart, and soul!" I promise while kissing her more forcefully.

"While eating breakfast and having it out with Christina, I had an epiphany. I don't ever want anything more to do with Chris. I'm completely done! I also don't care what anyone else thinks. I'm completely over this drama, and I don't want her as a friend," I inform Tris. "She's gone! Whether you and I make it or not, Christina is out of my life for good."

I'm so relieved we are working through this; for a moment, I was so scared I was losing her.

Tris looks apprehensive as I kiss her again. This time, my tongue tentatively caresses her lower lip. Tris parts her lips as our kiss becomes more heated. Placing my palm at her lower back, I pull her tightly against me.

Tris finally breaks away and gives me a small smile.

"Can we sit down, there are a couple more things I need to talk to you about," Tris says slowly.

I sit on the couch to face her, and she leans over and kisses me sweetly before beginning.

"I have to say this out loud, and it's hard for me. I am still struggling with all of my self-doubt," Tris mumbles painfully. I can tell how hard it is for her to confess this. I see her hands are trembling, so I open my own hands and invite her to let me hold hers. She takes mine appreciatively while calming herself.

"I am so insecure that it eats away at me, it makes me feel really bad about myself. And then I don't feel like you, or even Andy, should have to deal with me," Tris admits carefully.

I fight to control myself from interrupting her. I want to shake her, because it is the complete opposite of how I see her. She is amazing; it's me that is so lucky to have her in my life. I also know I am not a therapist, and although I want to support her in this, she also needs to get the right help.

"I want a future with you." Tris takes a moment to breathe. "I've thought about this a lot, especially recently, and I've come to a couple of conclusions. I want you to know that I didn't come to them lightly. I realize they will affect both you and Andy, but they're still important to me, and I think they're important for us. I've been in such a dark place, Tobias, but the moment I became certain about what I wanted, I felt so much better, like a huge weight was lifted off my chest."

My eyebrows furrow, asking her to continue.

"I want to go back to work, and... I also want to get my own apartment."

My heart skips a beat. Instantly, I push back, hating the idea. "Tris, please don't do this. Of course I support your working. But I can't imagine not living with you and Andy. We are a family! You are my family. How can I let you go?" I moan. "Did you sign a lease today? Is that it, no discussion?"

"No, of course not." Tris leans over to grab the lease packet from her purse and shows me that it isn't filled out. "I only went to look. I want a place near you - I just need some time and space to really be on my own. I had every intention of discussing it with you before deciding."

I nod sadly. I don't want her to go, but it's not fair of me to tell her not to do what she feels she needs to do.

"It will be okay. We will be co-parenting Andy. I just set up an interview for a job that is right by your office, and they have onsite daycare. Let's see-"

"And what about us? Are you sure you still want me? You aren't just postponing the pain, are you?" I ask dejectedly, interrupting her.

"Look at me, please," Tris demands. I stare into her beautiful grey-blue eyes. Every inch of her is beautiful. I touch her cheek, swallowing hard past the lump in my throat.

"Of course I still want you. I love you, Tobias. I just need to take some time to work through my insecurities. They are eating me alive. I need time. Please try to understand," Tris pleads with me.

I'm reeling from all of this, but I also feel the loyalty between us. I know we will get through this.

"Okay, I'm in. But I want you to know," I pause as she looks at me. "I am okay with this today, but one day I may not be. I want you with me, Tris. I love you."

Tris understands, throwing her arms around me as I hug her tightly.

"Are we okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, we are better than okay," I assure her.

We have a couple more hours before Evelyn is expecting us. I pull Tris close as our lips meet. Both of us are tentative at first, but then the passion that is always there rushes to the surface. I kiss her neck slowly, while whispering sweet things in her ears.

"Oh, Tobias," Tris pants for me. I nip at her ear while my hands move to caress her breasts.

Her kisses become more urgent as she pulls on the curls at the back of my neck. "Baby, you have to know how much I need you," I whisper, gently moving her hand down to feel my hard cock, straining for her. She starts rubbing me over my work slacks.

"We have time before we need to get Andy, let me make love to you," I croon in her ear.

"I want to, I do. Badly...but I still have my period." Tris bites her lip nervously.

Clearing my throat awkwardly before speaking, I say, "I've talked to Zeke about this, a while back. Guy talk, nothing specific. We still can, but it is more what we are each comfortable with. Zeke mentioned the best place to have sex would be in the shower. I want to try," I admit to her.

Tris grins shyly and then nods. "Ok, give me a few minutes to get into the shower and wash off. My period is almost over, but I'd feel better if we are in the shower. But yes, I really want to be with you, too." She leans over and kisses my lips, sucking on my bottom one.

She winks at me as she walks into the bathroom first.

"Hurry up, baby, please," I call to her as I start undoing the buttons on my shirt.

And she does. Minutes later, I join her in the shower and we explore something new. Together. Enjoying our passionate lovemaking, we are both frantic to show one another how much we want and need the other. After, we hold each other and make promises about the next phase of our relationship. We finally pull ourselves out of the bathroom, both very satisfied.

As we dry off, Tris offers to get Andy, asking that I stay back and clean up

As we dry off, Tris offers to get Andy, asking that I stay back and clean up. I frown playfully, pointing out how clean the apartment is already from all of my hard work, and the pretty flowers I brought her as part of my surprise. I smirk at her, explaining how my surprise didn't go anywhere near as planned. She laughs at me before getting serious.

"When I say 'clean up', I mean get those fucking sheets off the bed and burn them. Got it?" Tris says sweetly while drying off with a towel.

I groan and tell her that her bossiness just made me hard again, dropping my towel to show her. Tris snickers playfully as I beg her to let me take her one more time before we get Andy back.

Back in the shower we go.

Tris and I have a lot of work ahead of us. But she's worth it to me, and I'm worth it to her.

++o++ Chapter End ++o++


	33. Chapter 33: Secrets and Space

Chapter 33: Secrets and Space

Date: Early August +o+ Baby is 10+ months old

^^ A Week Later ^^

** Tris POV **

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tobias looks worried as he rubs gentle circles on my back.

I nod my head and force myself to meet his eyes. I'm a little embarrassed that I started crying at the daycare center during Andy's first drop off. Tobias pulls me into his arms and holds me, kissing my forehead.

"I know he's safe, and he looked so excited to see the other kids his age, but... I just feel so guilty, Tobias!" I say pitifully. "Maybe this is a mistake, maybe I should just-"

"Tris, babe. This is scary for me, too, but we both know this is a good thing for you." Tobias pauses, gathering his words. "What I do know is that what's good for you is what's best for Andy. He needs you to be happy and healthy. So, now you need to go check in with your new boss. You don't want to be late on your first day."

"You're right, thank you for being... Thank you for being so good about all of this. I know change can be hard," I say while wrapping my arms around Tobias's waist.

I see the conflict in his eyes as he nods, giving me a small smile before his lips connect with mine. We kiss softly and slowly; luckily, there was an empty corridor we found so I could pull myself together with some privacy.

"Have a good first day, and I'll see you tonight," Tobias assures me.

I caress his face, then he kisses my hand one last time before running out of my building. Tobias has to get to Johanna's campaign offices for his day of work.

Andy's daycare center is located on the first floor of the building where I now work. I accepted a government position in Chicago/Bureau/Providence Relations. My office is just a block away from Johanna's offices, so Andy and I are still close to Tobias during the workday. The job also offered me free childcare.

My only hesitation in accepting this job was due to the fact that it may require minimal work travel to the Bureau or even Providence. Tobias and I agreed we would tackle that hurdle once we get there.

Stopping in the hallway one last time to peek in through the mirrored glass, I see my little boy. Andy is sitting with two other babies that look to be just about his age. They are laughing and interacting.

"You must be Tris," a strong voice says behind me, scaring me so much that I jump and whirl around.

"Whoa, sorry about that! I didn't mean to startle you," the man says while holding a carrier with four disposable coffee cups in it. His smile is contagious, and his eyes are a dark chocolate brown color, soft and warm. He immediately puts me at ease.

"It's fine, I was just looking at my son one last time. I'm sorry, but who are you?" I finally ask.

"My name is Josh, and I am one of your new coworkers. I came in through the back entrance; it's a shortcut to our favorite coffee shop. I heard you had a baby, so I guessed it was you when I saw you staring so intently into the daycare center." He grins warmly at me. "Well, I'll see you upstairs. We didn't know what you like to drink, so we decided to play it safe with a vanilla latte. Here you go."

Josh hands me the cup that has my name scribbled on it, and gives me a small wave. I take one last look at Andy, who is still happy and playing.

"Thanks for the latte, Josh. I'll come up now. I'll be less nervous if I walk in with you," I laugh awkwardly.

He watches me while holding the elevator door open for me. "You picked an awesome department, and everyone is really nice and supportive."

I grin happily, feeling the perfect combination of nervousness and excitement. My boss, an older gentleman named Charles, is a close friend of Johanna's, and he has been pursuing me for this position for a while now. Josh does a great job of walking me around the office and introducing me to everyone. The department has over forty employees, but my division is much smaller. I am working closely with Josh, who I would guess is in his mid-twenties, along with three other people who are just as nice as he is.

I immediately hit it off with a young woman named Sherri. She is so friendly and funny. I am guessing she is in her late twenties or maybe even early thirties. She and her husband moved here from Providence over a year ago.

Later that morning, we are all sitting in a conference room waiting for our boss, Charles, to arrive from his off-site meeting. We have time to talk while we wait for his arrival.

"So, Tris, are you single? I have so many guy friends I can set you up with," Sherri asks excitedly.

"Umm," I begin nervously, not enjoying everyone's attention on me.

"Sherri, remember Charles told us that her son is starting in the daycare downstairs today?" Josh reminds her, an amused smirk on his face.

Sherri laughs kindly. "Oh, yeah! So, tell us about your son. And is there any special guy in the picture? Do you live close by?"

"Yeah, very special to me." I blush just thinking about him. "I live with my boyfriend, Tobias, and our baby. The baby is ten months old, and his name is Andy. We have an apartment just north of the river."

In the back of my mind, I know that I will most likely be getting my own apartment soon, but I have no desire to get into all of that with a group of strangers.

"Wait, Tobias is a unique name. Do you mean Tobias Eaton? As in the gorgeous guy that works for Johanna Reyes?" Sherri asks, her eyes lighting up.

I blush, then nod to confirm he's the same one.

"So, you're the lucky girl that has his heart! He is such a catch. I am married, so not me, of course, but there were some other girls in this department that had the biggest crush on him a while back," Sherri jokes good-naturedly. "It was made really clear that he was extremely loyal to his girlfriend. I don't remember the girls mentioning he had a child. Oh, well, I guess that's old news now."

I fight to keep the smile on my face as it dawns on me that these girls probably liked Tobias when he was dating Christina.

Glad he was such a loyal boyfriend, I think sourly.

Before the conversation can continue, our boss rushes into the conference room. He wants to get started right away.

+++o+++

^^ A Few Days Later ^^

** Tris POV **

"Hmmm, well... That is ironic, but whether or not those random girls had a crush on Tobias back when Christina used to date him isn't important; what we need to examine is how it makes you feel, Tris," Claire, my new therapist, pushes me during my session this afternoon.

I sigh. I know I need to talk about my feelings.

"I feel jealous, I always feel as though I am less, especially when it comes to his past with Christina," I admit sullenly. "I find myself wishing away the bad. I wish I had never been separated from Tobias. He never would have been with Christina, I never would have been available for James to swoop in, and..."

My voice cracks and I have to stop talking for a moment. It's been a painful process, but the more I've described my time at the Bureau right after I woke from the coma, the more Claire has helped me to realize that I was suffering from PTSD. I fell into an abusive relationship with James at my lowest and most vulnerable point.

Claire nods sympathetically; she knows I am still coming to terms with everything that happened with James, not just while we were dating, but also what he put Tobias and me through until the bitter end.

"Okay, admitting it out loud is half the battle. I'm proud of you, Tris. The feelings that still come up over Christina and Tobias tie directly to one of your main goals: to overcome the deep insecurities you have been struggling with. Does that sound reasonable?" Claire asks.

"Yes, of course," I agree.

"Tris, I am going to give you some of the same advice I gave my own daughters. In this life, there is always going to be someone better. Just like you are 'the someone better' that another person may be suffering over. So, what matters is not who is around, in front of, or behind you. What matters is how you view yourself," Claire finishes.

I think over what she said. It is a lot to process. I really enjoy meeting with Claire, she is very calming to me. She is an older woman, and her daughters are in their early thirties with families of their own.

"Have you made a decision on the apartment?" Claire asks while looking over her notes from our last session.

"Yes, Tobias and I finally came to an agreement last night, but he is really... well, he's having a very hard time with it." I breathe in and out to calm myself, knowing I need to update her. "This morning I signed a three-month lease for a furnished studio apartment, only two blocks away from Tobias. I get the keys Friday, and then I plan to move on Saturday. I wanted to ask, could Tobias join me for a session? He wants to come - he is really stressing out."

"Absolutely. From all we have discussed, I think it would be beneficial for Tobias to join us," Claire says while making notes. "I have to ask, Tris... Aside from the stress of you moving out, is there anything else you would like to discuss with Tobias when he joins us?"

I frown, knowing that a lot of the issues I'm working through in therapy are things that I need to talk to Tobias about.

"No. I want to keep it on the topic of my moving out. And what that really means to us. I know that I have other issues I'm working through. Things that, because I love him and I do want a future with him, he needs to know. I just don't feel ready, I'm not ready!" I say emotionally.

"Tris, take a breath. You are in therapy for a reason. You are working through these things. What you have been through is a lot. We have our goals, and I am here to help you. I believe in you, and now you need to believe in yourself, too," Claire assures me. "You are entitled to feel sad. You were held captive for a year, things happened while you were gone that most likely would not have happened if you were here."

"I feel as though I have so much to be thankful for, and then I feel guilty for not being able to let go of the bad things," I admit. The responsibility feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders. "I'm still so upset. I'll see a mother with a newborn, and I'll either feel incredibly sad or instantly furious that I was kept away from my baby."

Claire reminds me that although I have every right to feel sad and angry, it will never change what has already happened. Before I realize it, she is handing me a tissue. I cry a lot during therapy.

"Okay, Tris. We are almost out of time, and we agreed I would ask you at this session," Claire says kindly, although she must know my answer already. I would have brought it up if I had followed through already.

"No, not yet. I just haven't been ready to do it. I know I need to be honest with Tobias about James and the money. I will soon, but right now, I just feel overwhelmed. With my new job, and now me getting my own place, I just need more time," I state with resolve in my voice.

+++o+++

I practically run to the daycare center. I've missed both Tobias and Andy so much today. Stepping off the elevator, I am met by Tobias in the lobby. He will usually meet me in the lobby so that we can get Andy together and then walk home as a family.

"Tobias," I whisper as I walk right into his arms and wrap my arms tightly around him.

"Baby, I'm here," he assures me. He touches my cheek before leaning down to kiss me. We break apart, remembering that we are in the middle of my work lobby.

"Tough session?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowed as he studies my face.

"How can you tell?" I ask quietly.

"I just can, your emotions are always heightened after you meet with Claire." He clears his throat before continuing. "I know therapy is hard, but it is worth the hard work. I'm proud of you, Tris."

I pull him close and lean close to his ear. "Let's get our baby and head home."

"Yeah, let's go home," Tobias repeats back to me.

+++o+++

^^ Three Days Later ^^

** Four POV **

Reaching for the fajita seasoning, I continue to stir the chicken in the skillet. Tris and Andy should be home soon, and I want to have dinner ready to be served.

Being a Friday, today we were both able to cut out of work a little early. Tris decided to bring Andy with her to pick up her new apartment keys while I prepare dinner.

Her new apartment.

Tris was able to schedule an extra therapy session for us with Claire during lunch today. It was made clear that Claire is Tris's therapist - my role in the session was as a guest, there to discuss how to best support Tris. The point being that Claire would not become my therapist.

Claire was very nice, but it felt so awkward. And having the session the same day Tris is picking up her new keys didn't really make it any easier.

The positive is that Claire helped Tris to articulate again why she wants to move out. It was hard to hear, but it helped me to see the big picture, that this is more about Tris as a person versus a negative reflection on our relationship.

Fuck, this is killing me.

I am fighting every instinct I have to try to stop her from moving out. Logically, I believe her when she says this move is about her gaining independence. I still worry, though. What if she decides she likes being away from me? What if she breaks up with me?

Stop it. Stop being ridiculous.

I hear the key in the apartment door, and I rush over to greet them.

"Hey, Tobias," Tris greets me as she begins unloosening the straps of the carrier so I can pull Andy out.

"Hello, my two favorite people," I say while kissing Andy's cheek and pulling him to my chest. As I cuddle him, Tris leans up to kiss me on the lips.

Tris slowly wraps her arms around us both, and I try to smile as I ask her the obvious question.

"So, you got the keys to your new place?" Tris grins to confirm, and my face falls. "So, this is really happening."

Tris then looks at me sadly before responding yes. She looks torn, but I can see that she is not changing her mind.

"Andy's really hungry, please put him in his high chair while I get him some puffs," Tris asks as we both move to get the baby situated.

I watch as Andy happily eats his puffs, and I can't help but laugh. I can always tell when he is really hungry because he will not waste a single puff. Normally, he likes to tease his momma by calling for her attention and then tossing them on the floor.

"Tobias," Tris whispers as she stands behind me and pulls her body close to mine. One arm circles my waist and touches my stomach. Her other wraps around my arm and shoulder to pull her chest tightly against my back. Being held so tightly immediately calms and comforts me.

"You have to believe me when I tell you that I am in love with you

"You have to believe me when I tell you that I am in love with you." She pauses to kiss my shoulder and press her forehead against my back. "I can still be in love with you and also need space. I need to do this for me."

I squeeze my eyes shut, relieved she can't see my face. I am in so much pain, feeling as though my world is spinning off kilter. I am trying to be supportive, I am trying to be calm, but I hate this.

"I want to give you what you need, Tris. I've always wanted that. It just hurts me that what you think you need is to be away from me. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest," I finish. I hate dumping this on her, but I have to be honest.

Tris is silent as she continues to hold me from behind, then I feel her lip trembling against my shoulder blade. I've upset her, which makes me feel terrible. Again.

I turn around and pull her close to me, she has tears in her eyes. "Tris, I-"

"No, Tobias. Please, listen to me," Tris says with urgency while pulling me close to her again. "I'm getting my own apartment only so I can live on my own and know that I have the ability to survive without you. It doesn't mean that I want to, I just need to learn that I can, and to gain more confidence in myself as an individual. Please understand."

"I do. I do understand. I'm just worried that when you and Andy are off living in your new home... I guess I'm afraid you both will be happier there, without me." I pause to calm myself. "The thought of you both not needing or wanting me anymore kills me."

Tris shakes her head from side to side, as though to tell me that will never be the case, then her brows furrow together.

"Tobias, Andy isn't just coming with me. You realize that, right? We've always used the term 'co-parent', so that means when you and I aren't together, we will be taking turns and splitting time with Andy," she says calmly.

What?!

My face must show my utter confusion.

"Tobias! What did you think this was going to look like?" Tris asks, her voice rising.

"Well, I assumed Zeke and I would be breaking down the crib tomorrow and moving it to your new place. That's one of the main reasons I asked him to help us move you." I pause as I see annoyance in Tris's eyes. "Tris, don't be mad! I just didn't think for a moment that you would be leaving Andy with me when you aren't here. I mean...I'm going to be alone with him all night? What the hell will I do if he wakes up crying for you?!"

"You're his father! How could you not think that you would have your time with him?!" Tris pauses to breathe in and out, and I can tell she is trying not to explode. These are the exact times when I am very thankful that Andy is awake and in the room with us. "I realize that part of 'this' is my fault because I've always taken the lead when it comes to Andy. But no more, Tobias! You are his dad, and he needs you just as much as he needs me. You are going to have to get comfortable, and quickly. In fact, you're up first. Andy can sleep at your place tomorrow night."

I look at her as though she is crazy. I planned to drink my sorrows into oblivion tomorrow night. Zeke already agreed to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't do anything stupid. It's the first night I am stuck alone, without the woman I love lying beside me in our bed.

Correction: now it will be my bed.

"Don't make that face! I'm serious," Tris says firmly while getting the dinner plates and silverware set on the table.

Knowing that Tris is right sends my mind racing. Andy is my child, and he does need me. "Tris, you're right. I've just gotten used to the three of us always being together, and since I was the only one working, I rarely had alone time with him." I pause to make sure she is listening to me. "Of course, I am going to do my part, I love him and I love you. I won't lie, I prefer when we are together as a family."

Tris sighs and walks over to me. "I also love our time together. My need to be on my own has never been about me wanting to be apart from you and Andy." She wraps her arms around me, and I lean down to meet her kiss.

"Tris, listen to me. I have one really important thing to ask of you," I say after breaking our kiss. "I need you to remember that you are adored by me, and that you always will be."

Tris presses her lips to mine forcefully, threading her fingers into my hair while pushing close to me. I welcome her passionate kiss, reaching down to cup her butt cheeks and give her a squeeze. We kiss until Andy's demands for dinner interrupt us. As we sit down to eat dinner, I watch how sweet she is with Andy. I know things are going to be different for a while. But I have to be strong and support Tris.

+++o+++

^^ The Next Day ^^

** Four POV **

"So, how long of a lease did she sign?" Zeke asks me as we carry a couple of boxes to Tris's new apartment.

"Three months," I mumble.

"That's a really short time. That's a good thing, Four," Zeke says optimistically.

Zeke and I decided that it would be more of a hassle to load and unload a car than to just walk back and forth. We are almost done, with just a couple more trips to go. Evelyn is watching Andy at her place for the day. Tris is already setting up her new apartment.

Caleb and Candice are at the department store. Caleb's housewarming gift to Tris is a new crib for Andy. Candice helped him pick one that would convert into a toddler bed. I frown, thinking that Caleb must be thrilled that Tris is moving into her own place. His scowls have been in overdrive lately. Earlier, I overheard her firmly reminding him that she is getting her own place, but that she and I are still together.

Zeke knocks when getting to her door, and Tris yells for us to just come in.

"We have one or two more trips to make, and then that should be the last of your boxes," Zeke says good-naturedly.

"It's too bad Shauna couldn't come today. Where is she?" I ask.

Zeke looks around Tris's new place and quickly answers, "She had other plans. Next time."

Tris comes out of her kitchen area smiling at us.

"Thank you both, especially you, Zeke. It was nice of you to give up your Saturday to help me move," Tris walks over to hand us each a bottle of water.

"Of course, no bother at all. I'm just bummed I didn't get to see Andy today," Zeke chuckles.

"Yeah, speaking of that. I am going to have Andy at my place tonight, so you no longer need to babysit me," I joke with Zeke, who just raises his eyebrows.

"Well, a boys' night with Andy sounds perfect, count me in!" Zeke says before turning his attention to Tris.

"So, Tris, it wasn't until my first trip here that I realized that your building is across the street from my favorite burger restaurant." Zeke winks at me before continuing. "I'd love to meet you for lunch sometime. It's been too long since you and I have had a chance to talk. More importantly, I know there has been some tension between us..." Zeke says apprehensively, not finishing his sentence.

I smile while busying myself in Tris's kitchen. Zeke has been trying really hard to get her to warm up to him.

"I'd really like that, Zeke. And it will be my treat as a thank you for helping me move. I also feel that I owe you an apology. It wasn't fair of me to put my drama on you," Tris says as she walks over to give him a hug.

Zeke looks stunned for a moment before he returns her hug, giving me a thumbs up sign that she can't see. I return the thumbs up; things are definitely improving.

"Apology accepted! Four is my best friend, and you are his woman, so we have got to get along!" Zeke exclaims while carrying Tris over to me and pulling me into the hug, too.

The three of us laugh together, and for the moment, I don't feel too bad about what lies ahead.

++o++

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe how much we got done today. You were amazing at organizing everything, Tobias," Tris says while stepping out of the shower and towel-drying her hair. She is wearing a tank top and her sleep pants. It's still pretty early in the evening, but I'm guessing she is not planning on leaving her apartment again today.

"Yeah, it went by quickly with everyone pitching in. It was really nice of Candice and Caleb to help, and Zeke, too, of course," I say while working on Andy's crib.

Although Andy is sleeping at my apartment tonight, Tris and I made plans to spend all of Sunday together. It dawns on me that I should probably head out, she probably wants some time alone to set things up the way she wants.

My throat feels tight as I realize this is it. She lives here, and I don't. This is her home, and I'm a guest that should be on my way. I hurry and finish setting up Andy's crib. It was delivered assembled, but we just noticed that the mattress needed to be lowered so Andy doesn't fall out head first.

"Tobias? Are you okay?" Tris asks softly from across the room.

I make sure to keep my eyes on the mattress as I put on Andy's new bedding, and try to keep my tone as normal as possible when I answer her. "Yeah, I'm almost done, and then I can get out of your hair."

As I finish, I decide I need to get the hell out of here, and fast. I am about to lose it, and I know that isn't fair to her. I agreed to do this, to support her during this new phase.

Suddenly, her arms are wrapping around me, and I flinch in surprise. She isn't making this easy on me. I hug her quickly, and then gently push her away.

"I'd better go. Evelyn's had the baby all day, and then Zeke is bringing over a pizza." I quickly peck her on the lips on my way to the front door. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Tobias, please stop," her voice quivers, making me pause.

My hand is on the doorknob and I am seconds away from walking out.

"Tris, I need to go. Now," I mumble, fighting to keep my tone even. I fucking hate this, I hate that we aren't living together anymore.

She walks over to me, placing her hand over mine and pulling me away from the door of her apartment. Suddenly, her lips are on mine as her tongue gently traces my bottom lip. I immediately grant her access as our kisses deepen. Although I'm hurting, being close to her fulfills a deep need.

"I know this is hard, and it pains me to see you so unhappy. I don't want you to leave when you're upset," Tris whispers, her eyes searching mine.

"Well, I'm not quite sure how that can be avoided," I mumble as I lean down to kiss her once more.

"Hm. It's a shame you need to leave so soon." Tris pouts. "I was hoping Andy could stay a while longer at Evelyn's while you help me."

"What else do you need help with?" I ask, genuinely confused.

Tris bites her lip, her cheeks flushing. "They say when you move into a new apartment it's customary to christen every room."

I chuckle and pull her close to me. "Well, far be it from me to disappoint you. I can certainly help you out with that." I then kiss her slowly.

"Bed, now," Tris commands huskily. I hear the desire in her voice as I scoop her up to carry her to the bed.

We make love slowly and passionately. It's what we both needed, to remind ourselves that this move is about her independence. We are still together, and we are still in love.

+++o+++

^^ The Boys' Dinner ^^

** Four POV **

"Hey, Zeke. Thanks for coming and bringing dinner, too," I say, taking the pizza box out of his hands as he enters. Andy is sitting on the rug by the couch, playing with some of his favorite toys and books. Zeke kicks off his shoes before joining the baby on the floor to play with him.

"I was a little worried. I thought I would find you curled up in the fetal position and crying. You seemed like you were about to lose it when I left you back at Tris's place. Are you okay?" Zeke asks while entertaining Andy at the same time.

"Um, yeah. I mean, I'm fine. I'm not happy about her moving out, but we are okay," I answer him, setting up the dinner table and getting out the soda.

"As your friend, I'm gonna give you some unsolicited advice. Do yourself a favor, and don't pressure Tris to move faster than she is ready. It's not good for either of you," Zeke says in a strange tone.

My brows furrow. I hear what he is saying, but there is a part of me that wonders where his advice is coming from.

"From what I saw, yes, you two were suddenly back in love and suddenly had a baby, but you ran to make this instant family. Tris moved in so fast, and then she became your pseudo stay-at-home wife," Zeke says confidently, as though he knows exactly what he is talking about.

I control my urge to lash out at him, his judgment instantly making me furious. I say nothing as I walk into the kitchen to get ice for our glasses. I need to calm down before I respond.

"Zeke, it may have looked fast, but it felt right to me. I have zero regrets for loving Tris as much as I do, or for moving her into this apartment. She is my family. I've never cared for anyone in my entire life the way I do for her. I don't want to get into an argument with you, but you are really pushing it with your criticism," I say firmly, hoping this will be the end of this conversation.

"Whether it felt right or not doesn't change the fact that she just moved out," Zeke says matter-of-factly.

I silently stare at him with disdain. That was cold, especially coming from him. He's usually not a nasty person with his words.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. That was rude as hell," Zeke moans. Now sitting at the table, he rubs his temples. "Four, I'm trying to help you avoid the mistakes Shauna and I have made. I'm being intrusive because I care about you both, especially since you have a little dude that counts on you and Tris."

I frown, hearing the pain in his voice. Instantly, all of the moments over the last few months that were small red flags about Zeke and Shauna run through my mind. I knew something was off, but I pushed my concerns away because I just couldn't imagine that things were messed up between them.

"What's going on with Shauna?" I ask softly, placing my hand on his shoulder as a sign of support.

"Shauna and I are officially on a break. Honestly, I think we're just avoiding the inevitable, because it feels completely over to me," Zeke says gruffly.

My eyes widen. Zeke and Shauna - split?! I can't even begin to imagine that, they've been through so much. I clear my throat and wait to see if he has more to share.

"Four, I'm telling you this as your friend. I think that Tris has a right to her feelings, especially the need to slow things down and to take a step back. I just don't want to see you push back on her. It's a no-win situation for you!" Zeke's voice rises, and Andy whimpers from across the room. Tris and I are very careful not to yell in front of him. We've had heated discussions, but we both always manage to control the volume for Andy's sake.

Zeke frowns and apologizes. I accept his apology as I pick Andy up off the floor and place him in the high chair. "Go on," I encourage him.

"If you pressure her and push her, one of two things will happen. Either she will dig in her heels, which will get you upset and ruin your relationship, or she will cave and give you what you want, which will still ruin your relationship in the long run," Zeke says sadly. "Shauna pushed and pushed me for a lot of things I'm just not ready for. Finally, I had to push back. She forced my hand, and now we are basically done."

I soak in what Zeke is saying, and I see his point. Concentrating on his point of view when it came to Shauna pressuring him, I know immediately that it's not something I want to have happen to Tris and me.

"So, what exactly is going on with you and Shauna now?" I ask cautiously.

"Well, when we agreed to take a break, she moved out. She's staying with a friend that was looking for a roommate. The biggest thing is that Shauna and I agreed to date other people," Zeke says candidly.

My eyes widen. This is really serious. I'm afraid to ask more, so I don't.

"Well, she immediately started dating the cousin of one of her good friends," Zeke says glumly. "I don't have the right to be mad, but it's a lot to get used to."

"Wow, I'm sorry, Zeke. I don't know what to say," I admit.

"It's okay. Honestly, she pushed me too hard to get married and start making babies," Zeke laughs bitterly. "Now that we have been apart for five minutes and she is already dating, I sure as hell don't regret not running to tie the knot!"

I nod my head. I see his point. As we sit down to eat dinner, I can't help but worry at seeing a relationship I always assumed was so solid suddenly falling apart.

+++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++

^^ Two Weeks Later ^^

** Four POV **

I scowl at the email on my computer screen. I now have to stay late at work because a meeting was pushed back. It's my turn to pick Andy up from daycare, and then he will be spending the night with me.

It's been two weeks since Tris moved into her own apartment, and things have been okay. We still spend a lot of time together, but we also have our time apart. I will admit, the huge positive is how comfortable I have become with Andy. There were a couple of really frustrating moments for all of us. Andy had a few meltdowns when he realized that Tris was not home, nor would he be seeing her for the day. It was heartbreaking to hear my son screaming for his mom. I know he just really missed her.

The first time, I tried to keep him calm. I let him know he was safe and that I was there, and then I let him cry himself to sleep. When I told Tris about it the next afternoon, she burst into tears and sobbed. She was so racked with guilt. My heart broke for her as I kissed and comforted her. Andy was napping, and my attempt to comfort her quickly turned into passionate lovemaking against the bathroom sink, the door shut since we both were pretty loud.

We then agreed that we would let the other person know when something was happening with Andy that was out of the ordinary.

I have even learned how to use the carrier. I was stubborn the first few days and insisted on just carrying Andy to and from my apartment and daycare. It was so difficult as he wiggled constantly, and carting his daycare bag plus my work bag didn't help. Tris was right, the carrier is the way to go.

Daycare allows us to leave his carrier with him during the day, so it's available if I bring him in the morning and Tris picks him up. Although it eased our consciences to use our lunch breaks to spend time with Andy, we eventually realized that our visits were actually hard on him. It upset him to see us for such a short amount of time and then be brought back to daycare for the rest of the workday, so we had to stop.

Instead, Tris has become a sleuth stalker since he is in her building. She has even trained some of her coworkers to check on Andy if they just happen to be leaving the building for a meeting or a coffee run.

Her friend, Sherri, will even take pictures and email them to Tris. She likes to make sure Andy is being treated well at his daycare.

All in all, Tris and I are making this work. I still would prefer us to be living together, but I am grateful that we are still in tune and happy with one another.

Shaking my head about my work meeting, I pick up my cell phone to call Tris.

"Hey, Tobias," she answers her cell phone cheerfully.

"Tris, I have a huge favor to ask. I know it's my night to pick up Andy, but a meeting was just scheduled for the end of the day. I think it will run past daycare's closing time. I'm really sorry to ask, but-" I manage to say before she interrupts.

"Tobias, it's ok. I can rearrange some things and pick Andy up after work. We're a team, right? Plus, I've been missing him a lot today," she admits with a chuckle.

"Only him?" I teasingly growl into the phone.

"No, not only him," Tris says. I can hear the smile in her voice. She then whispers so her coworkers don't hear, "And now when I see you tonight, I can make sure you have something to look forward to."

I close my eyes, imagining what Tris has in store for me. This work meeting is becoming less and less annoying.

"I already can't wait, baby," I say with a gulp. "I miss you, a lot."

"Tobias, we are being silly. We just had dinner last night," Tris laughs.

I cough to clear my throat. "Yeah, dinner was lovely, but we didn't have a sleepover."

"You're right, and I miss that as well. A lot," Tris admits. "How about I pick up Andy, get my overnight bag, and then have dinner ready at your place?" she offers. We both have keys to each other's apartments. "Basically, I'm inviting myself over to spend the night," she finishes, laughing.

"That is perfect, Tris. I have the ingredients for chicken soup in my fridge if you just want to make that. I already boiled and shredded the chicken breasts last night," I suggest, hoping to save her a trip to the store. "Besides, it always tastes better when you make it!"

"Sounds like a plan. I love you," Tris says sweetly.

"I love you, too, and I can't wait," I say before hanging up.

I'm suddenly not upset about this meeting in the least.

+++o+++

"Tris, the dinner dishes can wait," I say darkly, my eyes roaming up and down her body. She bites her lip and nods in agreement.

Suddenly, she is in my arms, kissing me hard on the lips and pulling me towards the bed. Andy just went to sleep, and I can see in her eyes that she has wanted me all evening long.

"Lie down, I want to show you something. I think you'll like it." Tris's eyes shine mischievously while she reaches behind her to unzip the top of her work dress.

My eyes almost roll out of my head when she slowly drops her dress to the floor, revealing a sexy black satin slip underneath.

"My God," I groan, instantly aroused.

Smiling at my reaction, she steps closer, grabbing my hand and bringing it to her body. My fingertips touch the sleek satin material as she guides my hand to her breast, then drags it down her body to rest on her hip.

"Do you like it?" she whispers while watching for my reaction.

"Let me show you how much I like it," I rasp while grabbing her hips with both hands and forcibly pulling her closer to me. She yelps in surprise as I begin kissing between her breasts over the smooth fabric.

After her initial shock fades, her fingers run through my hair, encouraging me. My hands have moved to her beautiful ass as I kiss up and down her body over the slip, paying extra close attention to her breasts.

After a few more minutes of teasing, Tris moves to sit on my lap and straddle me. Her arms wrap around my waist and she leans down to kiss my shoulder. I grab her hair at the base of her head, making sure not to hurt her as I push her face to mine, and I devour her mouth. Tris whimpers in response.

"Tobias, please," she begs as my fingers run up and down her body.

I flip us over and quickly tug her underwear off as she lies with her back on the bed watching my every move. "Keep the slip on, I want to feel it against my skin as I take you," I command while quickly stripping to get ready to have my way with her.

She loves every moment.

+++o+++

"That. Was. Amazing. I mean, wow," Tris compliments while kissing me appreciatively.

"That was amazing for me, too." I smile while enjoying her warm body pressed closely to me. "I'm shocked we didn't wake Andy up with our ruckus!"

Tris laughs and kisses my chest. "You have officially tired me out. Completely."

As we get ready for bed, I walk to the kitchen to get a drink of water; a cream envelope with calligraphy writing catches my attention. Shit! I completely forgot that Matthew and Cara's wedding is in August! With Tris moving out, and then concentrating on our relationship, I have not given their big day a single thought.

Nor have I made plans for the day, or gotten them a wedding gift. I also need to line up a babysitter for Andy so Tris and I can go.

"Tris!" I say while waving the invitation at her frantically.

She chuckles at me, raising her eyebrows. "What is that?"

"I've been procrastinating, but I'm hoping you can help me," I say while planting a kiss on her neck. "I forgot all about Cara and Matthew's wedding next Saturday. First, and most important - Tris Prior, will you do me the honor of being my date?"

A look of panic flashes across her face, and then she composes herself. Gulping, she says, "I'm sorry Tobias, but I'm not going to that wedding."

"Um, okay. That sounds pretty final, can we at least talk about it?" I ask, surprised at her reaction.

Tris wraps her arms around me, kissing me softly. "There is nothing to talk about, I'm just not going to that wedding. I'll plan on spending the day alone with Andy, and you should go and spend time with your friends," Tris finishes. I see it in her eyes, there is no chance in hell I will change her mind. I'm guessing the thought of spending a few hours with Christina is the last thing she would ever want to do, and I can't say I blame her.

Suddenly, I know that without her by my side I have no desire to go to anyone's wedding. Matthew was great when Tris returned, but Cara's attitude towards us really put me off. I would rather spend my Saturday snuggling with Tris and our son than being alone and watching them get married.

"You know what? I don't really care about their wedding. I wish them well, and I will get them a gift, but I don't think I'm going to be missed," I say with a smile, instantly relieved not to be attending the wedding.

"Tobias, are you sure? Please don't skip a wedding because of me. I don't want to be the reason that-" Tris asks, a look of concern on her face.

I pull her close to me, kissing her lips to cut her off mid-sentence.

"Let's get some sleep. I plan to set the alarm extra early tomorrow," I smirk smugly.

Tris laughs while waving her phone at me. "I already did that. I want to start the day off right as well."

We snuggle while lying down to sleep. Holding her in my arms, I dream of a day when we are in the same home and planning a wedding of our own.

+++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++

^^ End of August ^^

** Four POV **

"Zeke, forget it! Tris and I are not going to the wedding this Saturday. I already emailed Cara to let her know last week," I say into my cell phone, navigating my way around throngs of people as I walk back to my office after an offsite meeting.

"Dude! I need you at this wedding. Shauna is bringing a damned date, rubbing him in my face," Zeke groans. I cringe. That would kill me, to not only see Tris dating, but to see her parading her new man around me and our mutual friends. I had enough to contend with when she was involved with James Wilton.

"Zeke, if this is too much, just don't go to the wedding. You are just one person," I suggest. I think it may be best if Zeke and Shauna and her new man don't meet for the first time at a wedding of all places.

"That's not an option for me! I'm in the damned wedding. In fact, I'm already late to meet Matthew and the other guys at the tuxedo place for our last fitting before we take them home," Zeke groans. "I'm so screwed. Hey! Tris has Andy tonight, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?" I ask, smiling to myself as I see that Caleb and Candice are walking hand-in-hand across the street.

"I'm at the tuxedo shop right by the diner where we had breakfast on Monday, and this fitting should take no more than an hour. Can we go out for drinks after?" Zeke pleads.

"That sounds great, Zeke. Just shoot me a text when you are wrapping up. I need to go, we'll talk soon," I say while running across the street to catch up to Caleb and his girlfriend.

"Caleb, Candice, wait up!" I shout. Candice smiles instantly while Caleb makes a sour face. I have no idea what the hell his problem is lately.

"Tobias! Hi!" Candice says warmly.

We talk for a few moments. I actually want to take them up on their offer to babysit Andy.

"Are you both available to babysit Andy this Saturday?" I ask hopefully.

"You aren't dragging Tris to that wedding are you?!" Caleb demands harshly. I immediately remember that Caleb was invited as well.

"Um, no. Tris and I are skipping the wedding-" I start before he cuts me off.

"Good! My sister has been through so much already. She sure as hell doesn't need to be harassed by your group of so-called friends," Caleb says reproachfully, scowling. "I hope you took care of that asshole, Matthew, too!"

My brows furrow. I have no idea what the hell Caleb is talking about. I look at Candice, who is chewing her lip nervously. When she sees that I have no idea what is going on, she frowns.

"Caleb, you need to stop. Your sister is a grown woman, and she can take care of herself," Candice says sharply.

Caleb seems embarrassed when he looks at Candice. I see immediately that he doesn't want to upset her.

"Guys, I love Tris. And if one of my friends did something or said something to her, you need to tell me. Please. It's too late to pretend this is nothing, so just spit it out," I demand.

We stand in awkward silence as I stare Caleb down. My patience is wearing thin.

"Candice, he's not going to let this go. Not when it comes to Tris. Unless you want to see him pin me to the ground and force it out of me the hard way, I need to be honest with Four about what we saw that day," Caleb pleads with Candice. It's obvious he wants her permission to speak.

She chews on her lip again before finally nodding.

Clearing his throat, Caleb tells me about another late morning lunch plan that they had made with Tris to work on baby-proofing my apartment. I remember that it was right around the time of the coffee shop incident, when I was working crazy hours. Candice is frowning, looking annoyed. Caleb slips his hand into hers.

"We both saw Tris leaving the apartment with Andy in his stroller. But before we were close enough to get her attention, we saw that Matthew was sitting on the bench right outside. It looked like he had just been sitting there and waiting for her," Caleb mutters bitterly.

I gulp, not sure what is going on or where this is going. "Okay?"

"It wasn't Tris's fault! I just have to say that up front," Candice blurts out.

I frown. What the hell happened?

"Well, we kept walking towards them. We were planning to say hello, and expected we would go up to the apartment and get to work. They never saw us, but Matthew made an aggressive pass at Tris!" Caleb spits furiously.

"What?! Are you sure?" I hiss, immediately irate. If this is true, how could Tris have kept this from me?!

"Yes, by the time we knew what was going on, we were standing close enough to hear them talking. He was really forward, admitting his longtime feelings for her, and telling her that she needed to give 'them' a chance. He even told her not to settle for you just because you had a baby together. He grabbed her two different times, trying to kiss her on the mouth!" Caleb snaps angrily.

"Tobias, to be clear, Tris didn't let him kiss her. We could tell she was so upset, and Andy was right there," Candice mumbles.

I've heard enough. I thank them for telling me the truth and storm off. I know exactly what I need to do next.

+++o+++

I charge into the tuxedo shop where Zeke told me Matthew and his groomsmen would be. Zeke hasn't texted me yet, so I know that their group must still be here.

"Four! Glad you came by," Zeke says cheerfully, spotting me first.

Ignoring Zeke completely, I make eye contact with Matthew from across the room. I see the immediate look of panic on his face; if I had any doubt about this bastard trying to make a move on my girl, it's gone now.

Without a word, I walk over to Matthew, who tries to run away. I grab him by the scruff of his neck and drag him across the room.

"You piece of shit! Not only are you engaged, but you made a pass at the mother of my child, the woman I love, and did it right in front of my son!" I shout at him.

"Four, please stop. I'm sorry! I made a mistake! I made a terrible mistake. Tris turned me down immediately, she also promised me she wouldn't say anything. I already told her I was sorry, I never should have done that," Matthew says pleadingly.

I pull back my fist, ready to punch him in the face when Zeke grabs me, pulling me away.

"Four, stop! He's not worth it. Tris turned him down. She loves you! Let's get out of here," Zeke tightens his grasp on me while looking over his shoulder at Matthew. "I won't be attending your wedding, and I am obviously not going to be a groomsman."

Matthew says nothing, as though he is afraid to even breathe.

"If I ever, I mean ever, see you near my family again... I will end you! You stay the hell away from Tris!" I bark at Matthew as Zeke tightens his hold on me.

Zeke drags me through the shop to the exit, and as we round the corner, we see the shop workers looking nervously at us. That's when we see Cara, tears streaming down her face. Christina is standing next to her, with her arm wrapped around her.

I didn't even see them when I stormed in, but by the looks on their faces, they obviously heard the entire exchange.

Now Cara knows that the man she is about to marry wanted to toss her aside for Tris.

+++o+++

"Well, on the bright side, I don't have to go to the wedding and see Shauna and her new boyfriend now!" Zeke jokes while handing me a beer.

I called into work and told them I had an emergency. There was no way I could return to the office and finish my day.

I'm also not ready to face Tris. I can't believe she would keep this from me. No wonder she refused to go to the wedding!

Suddenly, my home phone rings, and I lean over to answer it.

Phone call

Woman: Hello, may I please speak with Beatrice Prior?

Tobias: She isn't here right now. I can take a message so she can call you back.

Woman: I am a representative from Bureau National Bank, and I have a call scheduled with Ms. Beatrice Prior. She should be expecting to hear from me.

Tobias: Like I just said, she isn't here. Do you want to leave a message?

Woman: Fine, then. Please tell Ms. Prior that we need her signature on some paperwork for the James Wilton trust fund that was set up for her and her son. If she is unable to travel to the branch at the Bureau, she can sign all the paperwork in Chicago by working with a notary.

Tobias: I'm sorry, the James Wilton what?

Woman: The trust fund, currently in the name of Beatrice Prior until her minor son comes of age.

Phone call end

Hanging up the phone, I ask Zeke to wait here. I need to speak with Tris right now.

I run over to her office building. Andy should still be at the daycare.

I control myself from charging upstairs to her office and making a scene. I call her work desk from my cell, asking her to meet me downstairs. I am shaking with rage.

The lies just never end.

"Tobias? Are you okay?" Tris asks, stepping off the elevator.

"Follow me," I growl as I stomp towards the secluded hallway towards the back of the building.

"Tobias, please tell me what's going on!" Tris demands, seeing how worked up I am.

I run my fingers roughly through my hair, trying to control my temper.

"How much?" I demand.

"What?" she asks.

"Tell me the truth, how much has the James Wilton trust fund been giving you? Answer the question, Tris!" I whisper, seething on the inside.

Her eyes widen, instantly filling with tears. "Tobias, I can explain... Please, just listen-"

"How much damned money did that motherfucker give you?!" I shout, losing my temper

"How much damned money did that motherfucker give you?!" I shout, losing my temper.

"Stop yelling at me," she says quietly, looking at me with a mixture of anger and sadness. "Just stop. I will not have you screaming and cursing at me."

"You know what else I found out today?" I continue coldly, her eyes searching mine for a clue. For a moment, I wonder how many other damned secrets she is keeping from me. "Matthew not only made a pass at you, but he did it right in front of our son!"

Tris's eyes widen, and she looks stunned. "How did you, I mean...what happened?"

I shake my head at her. My frustration with her is off the charts, and in this moment, I wonder if she is even capable of being honest, or should I say forthcoming with all of her secrets. I thought we were a team. I thought I could count on her.

Now, I'm not so sure.

I look at her, and for the first time, I wonder if we are ever going to work. I know I love her, but I don't know if that is enough.

Her lip trembles as tears run down her face. She says nothing, wrapping her arms around herself.

"You were right, each of us having our own place is a good thing. I'm happy to have my own apartment to go back to right now. I hope you think about how these secrets you choose to keep are not good for us. Have a good night, Tris," I say before turning to walk away from her.

For once, I'm the one that needs some damned space.

+++0+ CHAPTER END +o+++


	34. Chapter 34: My Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mature content in this chapter.

Chapter 34: My Best Friend

Date: Early September +o+ Baby is 11 months old

^^ Two Weeks Later ^^

*Tris POV*

As my breathing steadies, I realize that I am no longer crying. I have been lying on my couch for many hours, wallowing in despair. I sit up and experience a head rush, suddenly feeling dizzy and weak. I had dropped my purse on the floor at my feet when I got home, and now I reach down and grab my cell phone from it.

I'm shocked. It's only 11:30 PM, and roughly two hours have passed since Tobias gave me his ultimatum.

Two hours since I walked away from him — walked away from the man I love.

How did tonight turn into something so ugly? Andy is spending the night with Evelyn. Tobias and I needed a night to be alone, a night to be two young people in love, a night for passion. We have worked so hard the last two weeks to get past my mistakes and all the secrets I kept from him. Tobias even accepted responsibility for his role in the events that led me to feel the need to be closed off in order to protect myself.

Both of us attended my therapy sessions with Claire and worked so hard to push past our hurts and insecurities. We knew we both wanted to work together to move forward, to love each other, and to be a family with our son.

Tonight was supposed to be so romantic. I look over at the lingerie bag that is sitting on my bed. I had planned to ask Tobias to wait ten minutes in the lobby before coming up. I wanted time to quickly change and light the candles I had set up before meeting him for our romantic dinner.

Tonight was going so well — until it wasn't.

The fight started small, over almost nothing, but then it escalated so quickly. I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering his harsh words, the coldness in his voice as we argued on the sidewalk just outside of the restaurant.

+++o+++ The Big Fight +++o+++

"Enough is enough, Tris! I'm not asking anymore. I am telling you: you either move back in with me and we live together as a couple or we are done! In fact, since Andy is at Evelyn's, we can pack you up and move your things tonight!" Tobias says forcibly; his eyes are cold. "I can't take much more of this crap!"

I step backwards, putting space between us. I am shocked he's saying these things. I don't care how much alcohol he has had, it's not an excuse for how irrational he is being. We've been working so hard to get past these issues, and now this?!

I get angry.

"Excuse me?! How dare you give me an ultimatum, I will not be bullied by you!" I glare at him shaking my head in disgust. "This conversation is over; I think we should stop before we say things we'll regret. Goodnight, Tobias!"

Tobias shakes with rage, suddenly raising his fist at me. My eyes widen; I am partly confused and partly terrified he would even think to strike me in anger.

Our eyes lock and I watch as the realization of what he is doing hits him. He instantly stops and takes a step backwards.

Shaking his head with disgust, he says, "I never in a million years want to be the kind of man my father was. You have the power to make me that angry. We aren't good for each other, Tris. Not if I can react that way to you. You've pushed me too far. We are done."

Panic hits me; I'm more afraid now than when he raised his fist at me.

"No! Tobias, please, I know you'd never hit me. We are just having a rough patch. We can work through this, we just need to try!" I cry frantically. "We are not over, I won't accept that!"

Tobias closes his eyes and breathes in and out. I expect him to be calmer, assuming he's trying to get control of himself.

I am wrong.

His eyes snap open, and all I see is hate and disappointment. "Just stop talking, Tris. Even listening to you now is making me sick. You sound just like Evelyn used to. You need to find some self-respect and self-confidence."

A chill runs down my spine, and I quickly turn on my heel and begin walking away. I know we just need to calm down, and then things will be fine. This is the alcohol talking, it has to be. I wonder if I could convince Claire to see us for an emergency session tomorrow, even though it's a Saturday.

"Tris," he says, his voice so cold and calm.

I stop walking and turn to him. His eyes are blazing mad. "We are over. We are done. Congratulations. You win. You have repeatedly refused to live with me, and now you have finally pushed me away for the last time. I won't keep chasing after you."

I'm stunned, and so hurt. I bite my lip to stop it from trembling.

Just like that. He's done?

In my fog of pain, I open my mouth to spew the first stupid thing that pops into my head.

"No, congratulations to you! Now you can go find Christina, let her have a go on the new sheets that I picked out this time!" I scream loudly as the tears begin falling down my face. I don't mean it.

Of course I don't mean it.

But I say it anyway.

"She's not your best friend anymore, so it's not a big deal if I do. Maybe I will call her, although she actually has a decent amount of self-respect. I'm not sure if she will take me back," he says matter-of-factly, intently watching for my reaction.

I gasp at his implication: Christina respects herself, while I don't.

I turn and quickly walk away down the street, getting as far away from him as swiftly as I can.

He doesn't follow, only calling out one last time, "You chose this, Tris. We are over, and it's all because of you."

I keep walking.

+++o+++ Flashback End +++o+++

Remembering our breakup, I'm overcome by a new wave of sadness that hits me. I am also so bitter. Tonight was supposed to be special, romantic even.

I lay back down on the couch and sob. My shoulders are shaking — the pain is unbearable.

\- knock -

\- knock -

The loud knocks at my front door startle me. I sit up and let out a cry of relief: he came! I run to the door and swing it open, ready to talk to Tobias and work through this. I hate fighting like this. It is so ugly.

"Zeke," I say tonelessly, instantly disappointed at seeing he is not Tobias.

Zeke looks frazzled, running his hand through his hair. He is wearing his policeman uniform, and I now remember Tobias telling me that Zeke is on nights this week.

"Tris, I only came by to make sure that you were...okay? Um, nothing happened with Four, right?" Zeke asks cautiously. I notice he seems to be looking me over, as though he is checking to make sure I am not hurt in some way.

"What's going on, Zeke?" I ask nervously. I am starting to get worried about Tobias. I hope he hasn't done something stupid.

Zeke sighs and shakes his head. Once he sees that I am indeed fine, he relaxes.

"It's nothing. Forget it. I just wanted to come by and make sure you were okay," Zeke answers me.

I hold the door open and motion for Zeke to enter. I know there is more to this story.

As I am getting Zeke a glass of water, he begins to explain.

"Four called me, he was so drunk and so damned angry." Zeke frowns while accepting the glass of water I hand him. "I've never heard him like this. He sounded crazed. It was a very slow night at work, so I was able to clock out early, and I convinced Four to tell me which bar he was at."

Zeke coughs to clear his throat. "Four told me you guys are done. I'm really sorry for both of you, Tris."

Any calm I had been projecting is instantly gone; knowing he told Zeke is like a knife in my heart. I know Tobias. If he had any hope for us reconciling, he wouldn't have admitted it out loud. Not to anyone.

I begin sobbing hysterically, sitting on the couch and holding my face in my hands.

Zeke sits next to me and warily puts an arm around me as I cry. At one point, he offers me a sip from the water I had served to him.

"Tris. I know this is hard. But you need to settle down. Please. You have a little dude that counts on you and Four. You have to be calm, things will be hard, but—" Zeke says softly.

"But what, Zeke?!" I snap, suddenly feeling angry and hurt — not necessarily at him, but he's here for me to be mad at.

"What? One day I won't care? One day I won't feel like I am garbage? One day he will have some great love with someone else and I'll be happy for him?" I hiss bitterly.

Zeke looks at me sadly, not with pity, but with a pain that reflects his own situation. He has a small frown on his face.

"One day, enough time will pass that you will be able to feel like you again. That you are amazing exactly as you are. You are someone who deserves to be happy, and to feel secure and safe." Zeke pauses to breathe. "You feeling all of those things shouldn't be dependent on Four. Not on Four, nor on any man."

We lock eyes as I replay his kind words in my head. I know he's right, but I'm still in pain. I still feel sad. And then I remember that Zeke also knows about loss.

"Are you speaking from personal experience, Zeke?" I whisper slowly as he turns away from me. I wonder if he is crying himself.

"It's been many weeks since Shauna and I called it quits. It was also months before then that we were both really unhappy," Zeke shares with me. "What I want to say is that it's only recently that I'm starting to really feel over her. It just takes time."

Zeke wipes away the new tears that have fallen down my cheeks. "Tris, are you crying because you feel sorry for me, or are we back on you and Four again?"

We both laugh. I have always appreciated how good Zeke is at making someone laugh when they are at their lowest point. He has a very big heart.

"Andy's with Evelyn for the night. Did you get Four home before you came to check on me?" I ask Zeke.

I see a look of guilt flash across his face before he looks away from me again. The hairs on the back of my neck instantly rise. I remember the last words Tobias and I shouted at each other as we fought on the street.

"Are you kidding me?! Is Tobias already with Christina again?" I yell angrily.

Zeke scoffs at me and rolls his eyes. "Tris, what is your deal? Why can't you accept that Four doesn't give a fuck about Christina?!"

I lower my head in shame. I know Zeke's right. Tobias's past with Christina, because she was my best friend, is something I still struggle with today.

But then I remember Zeke's face. There is something he is not telling me.

"If not Christina, then who?" I ask softly. "Please be honest with me, Zeke. Please."

Zeke nods reluctantly. "When I arrived at the bar, I was sure I was going to find Four in the middle of some kind of bar brawl, given how drunk and angry he was when he called my cell phone. That's one of the reasons I just had to see that you were okay with my own eyes. I see a lot of domestic violence issues in my line of work."

Frowning, I wait quietly for him to continue.

"When I got there, he was sitting in a booth with some girl, and they..." Zeke grimaces, not wanting to continue.

"Tell me. I need to know," I beg.

"Tris, they were making out heavily. I knew he had been drinking, I tried to break it up, but he was determined to act the fool." Zeke looks annoyed as he remembers the situation. "They basically told me to get lost, so after a few attempts to get Four out of her arms while they continued to hook up right in front of me, I made the mistake of physically trying to pull him out of the booth."

I cringe. Zeke suddenly looks angry as he remembers something.

"That was the wrong move on my part! Four almost broke my nose when he whacked me in the face, trying to get me to let go. At the same time, the tramp was screaming obscenities at me. Then she threw her beer at my face and it got all over my off duty jacket I was wearing. That bitch!" Zeke snaps grumpily. "Four was such an asshole. They both laughed at me before they resumed sucking face and groping each other. I just left."

I nod my head calmly. "Thank you for being honest, Zeke."

And then I lose it again and start weeping. I guess I was easily replaceable after all. I am so hurt.

"Tris, I'm sorry," Zeke says sadly while putting his arms around me in comfort. I lean closer to him for support.

I look up just as he looks down, and suddenly our lips are touching. I am shocked by the sudden butterflies in my chest. I close my eyes as he deepens the kiss, and turn my head as our tongues begin moving together.

After several minutes of kissing passionately, we are both startled when our teeth accidentally click together. It ruins the moment, and we simultaneously jump apart with horrified looks on our faces.

"Shit," Zeke mutters while rubbing the back of his neck and looking worried.

My mind is racing. I touch my lips, which are still tingling. Zeke's eyes immediately follow my fingertips, and he gulps loudly.

Tobias is the only man I have ever been with. I always believed we would be it for each other. But now? Christina, James, some random girl at a bar tonight — we clearly aren't on that path anymore.

Tobias and I aren't on any path. We are over.

We broke up.

"Tris, what are you thinking about?" Zeke asks hoarsely.

Our eyes meet as I blurt out, "That Tobias is the only man I've ever been with. But we are over now."

"Oh," Zeke mumbles as he fidgets on the couch nervously.

My eyes slide downward and I notice his huge bulge as he shifts to get comfortable, placing a sofa cushion on his lap to hide it.

"So, you and Wilton... I mean, you really never?" He sounds so surprised.

I don't answer Zeke. I'm too preoccupied thinking about his huge erection. My pulse is racing, and I suddenly feel very fidgety and nervous.

Why am I so turned on right now?

Maybe it's because Zeke is so nice, and so open. Things with him are just so easy, and he makes me laugh. We've gotten closer recently, too.

Shit. Zeke, of all people?! I couldn't!

"Tris," Zeke whispers while leaning closer to me and pushing my hair behind my ear. "May I kiss you? For real this time? A kiss because we both want to, to see if I didn't just imagine what I felt before."

I don't think, I just allow myself to enjoy this moment. I pull Zeke towards me as our lips crash together. I am burning with desire for him. He groans loudly while pulling me onto his lap, situating me so that I am straddling him.

We break apart, our foreheads touching as we both fight to calm our breathing.

"Tris, I want you, so badly," Zeke groans as he slowly bucks his hips under me so that I can feel his erection pressing against my core.

My head falls back as I groan loudly and begin rubbing myself against him. I whimper as his hands grab my hips and he controls the tempo of the friction by controlling me. Zeke runs his tongue down my neck, starting at my jaw and slowly ending at the top of my cleavage.

Our eyes meet as we begin frantically undressing the other. I smile at how sexy he looks in his police uniform before I rip it off of him piece by piece.

"Do you have a condom with you?" I ask hopefully. I had the birth control shot, but I prefer we take the extra precaution.

"Yeah, in my wallet," he answers, sliding the wallet out of his pants and placing it on the end table next to my couch.

We resume kissing frantically as we move to lie on the couch, me under him. Both of us are being driven by lust and passion. I can feel how wet my panties are getting. I am so ready for him.

I learn instantly that Zeke is a very experienced man. He knows exactly how to touch me, where to squeeze me, and I find myself getting lost in a sea of arousal.

Wow, he really knows what he's doing.

Zeke nibbles on my earlobe while his fingers slip into my underwear. I buck my hips towards his fingers as he suddenly strokes my core.

"Shit, Tris! You're already so wet for me. I haven't even touched you yet," Zeke hisses in my ear as his fingers begin strumming me skillfully.

Tobias loved that - how quickly I'd be ready for him.

No, stop it! Forget about him.

All thoughts leave my head as my body tightens with my first orgasm. I come around Zeke's talented fingers.

As I am recovering from my high, I hear Zeke ripping open the foil packet.

"Tris, I want you so badly. I just need to be sure you are okay with this," Zeke says firmly as I watch him expertly roll the condom down his shaft. "This moment is just about us, no one else."

"Yes, I want you, too. As long as we never tell anyone about this. Okay?" I moan as he rubs the head of his dick against my sex.

"Agreed, Tris. Puts your arms around me and hold on, I need to be inside of you!" Zeke commands as he pulls my knees up, effectively opening me to him as pushes inside of me with one swift stroke.

I gasp loudly, cringing with discomfort for a moment as my body stretches to accommodate him. Zeke thrusts in and out for three quick strokes while groaning loudly.

"Tris, am I hurting you? Is something wrong?" Zeke whispers while kissing my shoulder softly. I can feel myself tightly pulsing around him.

How should I answer that?

'You see, Zeke, your dick is significantly larger than Tobias's, so I'm stretching in a way I never have before.'

Obviously, I would never say that out loud.

"I'm good, um, please go slow," I ask softly watching Zeke smile with relief before he kisses me.

He begins stroking in and out of me as we hold each other. Moments later, I am accustomed to his size as the intense pleasure takes over.

I am groaning and panting as I begin rocking my hips to meet each of his thrusts. I'm feeling things I've never felt before. We are both lost in each other's arms as we collide again and again.

Zeke and I come at the same time; I scream and scratch down his back. I lie on the couch and know that Zeke just gave me the best sex I've ever had.

Ever. Holy shit.

I know I will never tell Zeke this, out of a sense of loyalty to Tobias.

As we lie quietly in each other's arms, I sigh and bury my face in Zeke's neck and relax. I close my eyes and rest and catch my breath.

I feel terrible. I can't believe I just had sex with Tobias's closest friend. For a moment, the feeling of guilt makes my stomach roll painfully. And then I remember that Tobias didn't have any issue screwing my best friend. I doubt that after a round with Christina he even gave me a second thought.

So, who cares?

My thoughts are interrupted as Zeke's lips find my nipple, lavishing attention with his tongue. My clit immediately feels the zing of pleasure.

Oh, oh, oh my.

"Tris, can we go again?" Zeke says while switching to my other breast. "I'd love to show you my handcuffs; I saw you eyeing them as you ripped my uniform off of me," he adds with a chuckle.

"Yes, Zeke," I agree before saying, "But you'll be the one wearing the cuffs."

+++o+++ +++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++ +++o+++

+++o+++

^^ Tobias POV ^^

I bolt upright in my bed, gasping desperately. As I fight to breathe, I'm covered in sweat and my body shakes uncontrollably.

Disoriented, I look around my dark apartment — my bed is empty. No Tris.

Bile rises, and I stumble frantically to the bathroom. Emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet, I simultaneously shut the door with my foot. Andy is asleep in his crib, and I don't want to wake him with my loud, violent hacking.

After throwing up, I lie on the bathroom floor, the cold tile helping to calm me. My heart is pounding a mile a minute, and my ears are ringing.

Oh, God! Calm down. Calm the fuck down. It was just a dream. It's not real.

It's not real.

That was the most realistic nightmare I've ever had in my life, right up there with my old dreams about Tris dying.

Once I'm calm enough to get up, I quickly check on the baby. Thankfully, my nightmare didn't wake him, and he's still sleeping peacefully.

Sighing, I return to my empty bed. I must have been thrashing while I slept, because the sheets and comforter are a tangle of knots. Realizing my sheets are drenched with sweat, I decide to remake the bed completely.

While grabbing new sheets from the linen closet, I remember how realistic the dream was in regard to what is actually going on in our lives. I also think about all of the things in the dream that were not real. Horrible things.

Not real — the horrific breakup where I acted deranged. Not real — me hooking up with some random chick at a bar. And, especially not real — my best friend fucking Tris's brains out.

Ugh. Zeke's huge dick was a nice touch to my nightmare. What the hell is wrong with me?

What was realistic in the dream is how hard we've been working the last two weeks in the aftermath of our fight over the James Wilton Trust Fund and Matthew's inappropriate behavior.

Zeke has pretty much cut ties with the rest of the group and has been spending a lot of time with Tris and me, at least when he isn't working crazy hours. Tris and Zeke met for burgers at lunch yesterday. I had been invited, but I couldn't get away from the office.

I trust them both, I know there is nothing going on. But that doesn't make tonight's awful dream any less painful.

I look at my clock and see it is 3:30 AM. Groaning with guilt, I pick up my cell and dial Tris. After that dream, I need to hear her voice. I need to hear from her that we are okay.

I hate being away from her.

++o+ Phone Call +o++

Tris: Tobias? Are you and Andy okay?!

Tobias: Babe, we're fine. I'm sorry to call you so late, but...

\- long pause -

Tris: Tobias, what is it? You're scaring me. Are you sure you're okay?

Tobias: I just needed to hear your voice. I had a terrible dream, and it really messed me up. It's selfish of me to call you. I knew I'd be waking you up. I'm sorry.

Tris: I'm glad you called me. I always want you to be able to turn to me. You're sure Andy is okay? Can you check on him for me?

\- I walk to the crib; our baby is still asleep -

Tobias: He's sleeping soundly. I'm looking at him right now. Andy's perfect. No matter what happens, Andy is the one thing that we have done perfectly.

Tris: Thank you for checking. Um...are we okay? Are you upset with me? Your voice sounds funny. I know things have been hard for us for a long time, but especially the last couple of weeks. I know I let you down by keeping things from you, and I still feel terrible about it.

Tobias: Tris. Come on, baby. We've both made mistakes, but what matters is that we are working through it all. You and me, we're alright. Okay?

Tris: Okay. Thank you for saying it.

Tobias: I know it's a weird work schedule thing, but it's killing me that we haven't seen each other in three full days. Taking turns dropping off and picking up Andy from daycare without getting to see each other, well...I don't want this to become our normal. I need you in my life, Tris.

Tris: I love you both, so much. I'm so tired, but since you have Andy, do you want me to come to you? You still sound freaked out. And I miss you, too.

Tobias: No, it's okay. I'd prefer that you stay safe and in your apartment. Instead, how about a lunch date tomorrow? Just the two of us? I need to see you.

Tris: Sounds perfect.

++o+ Phone Call End +o++

I lie down to try to sleep, thinking over our last two weeks. Tris and I have been so dedicated to working with her therapist, Claire, to get past what I originally interpreted as spiteful deceit. We also have been working through the uncomfortable situation with our group of friends and Christina, specifically my poor choices that hurt our relationship.

Even during the one day that I took to be alone and stew in my anger over her secrets, I knew that my heart still belonged to Tris. What really scared me was the thought that we might never be able to actually be happy together. The possibility that we may not work things out — despite loving each other so much — crushed me.

Tris sent me a single text the night I confronted her in the lobby of her work:

I'm sorry. I know I'm not an easy person to be with. No matter what happens next, I do love you. Always.

I knew in that moment I would always love her, too. I texted her back right away:

Tris, I need some time to think. Please know that I love you as well. I'll contact you soon.

The next morning I got a call from Cara's aunt, who was working her way down the guest list, telling me that Cara and Matthew's wedding was off. Indefinitely. Neither Zeke nor I have heard any other details. As long as Matthew stays away from Tris, it doesn't really matter.

I lasted less than twenty-four hours before calling Tris. We agreed to meet the next day with her therapist so that she could facilitate our conversation.

It was the best thing we could have done. The moment I learned that Tris had planned to talk to me about James's Trust Fund but was grappling with being emotionally ready, I let my anger go. I wasn't pleased with how long it was taking her, but I also accepted her vulnerabilities and had vowed to support her as she worked with her therapist.

She was struggling, and she was in therapy trying to better herself. For her, and for us.

She even admitted that she had never planned to talk to anyone about Matthew. He and Cara were people she had written off. I was more upset about that, but I also understood her reasoning. I did point out that her omission left me looking like a fool. Had she told me what he'd done, I would never have continued to be friends with a man that had tried to break up my family. Tris hadn't thought of that, and immediately saw my side of it. She apologized, and I forgave her on the spot.

What took us a couple of sessions to work through is the extreme jealously we both struggle with regarding Christina and James. Not that our issues have been completely resolved — far from it, actually. Our discussions sometimes became so heated that Claire needed to use a "Permission to Talk" cushion to facilitate our discussion. Her goal was to get us to talk it out and each be heard, instead of talking over each other while pointing out our grievances.

I even admitted to Tris that Christina mentioned at our breakfast that the only reason Tris chose to forgive me is because we have a baby together. Normally excellent at keeping her facial expressions neutral, Claire's mouth fell open as she got her notepad and pen ready to write.

That was the session in which I told Tris about my fears — after she finished yelling at me and took a moment alone to calm down. I admitted that I was scared that both she and Andy didn't really want or need me, which was why James Wilton was such a sore subject for me, often making me lash out quickly and irrationally.

Tris pointed out that it was just another example of how toxic Christina is to our relationship. She also pointed out how much it hurts her when she hears that I just let Chris get away with her snide comments. I never thought about it that way because I don't actually care what Christina thinks. Thus, why I didn't bother to argue with her.

After Claire helped Tris to explain her feelings and how it plays on her insecurities, I felt terrible and understood her side of things.

Bottom line: having a therapist work with us on communication has been a huge help. Even on days when we had a particularly rough session, I could feel how much more at ease Tris and I were with each other. Our walls have finally begun to crumble.

After putting the sweaty sheets into the washing machine and starting it, knowing the noise would actually help Andy sleep, I was finally ready to go back to bed. I decided I would just put the sheets in the dryer once I woke up for the day.

As I finally lie down in my bed and try to go back to sleep, that wretched dream flashes through my mind. I'm still shaken over how shitty it feels to even imagine the person you love having sex with your best friend. I frown and bury my face in the pillow, hating that I put Tris into that exact position, and all the bullshit and pain we've had to deal with as a result.

I know now that any guilt I felt over hurting and ditching Christina is nothing compared to the guilt I feel over hurting the woman who is the love of my life.

Tris is my family, and she is everything to me. She always has been, and she always will be.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	35. Chapter 35: Lunch Date

Chapter 35: Lunch Date

Date: September +o+ Baby is 11 months old

^^ The Next Day ^^

**Tris POV**

It is late morning in downtown Chicago as I trail behind Sherri and Josh. Our team started the workday at an early morning offsite meeting. We already stopped at our favorite coffee shop during our walk back to the office; Charles gave us his order and enough money to pay for all of our drinks to bring back. He is a really good boss: calm, fair, and approachable. He also likes to see things done right the first time. He prefers we ask for help, and he insists that the people on his team have a good understanding of teamwork.

I can honestly say that I love my job. As much as I miss both Andy and Tobias during the day, I enjoy my time at the office. I like the projects I'm working on, and I'm starting to have really close relationships with my peers.

"Tris, is Baby-Cheeks at the daycare center by now? He was at his dad's place last night, right?" Sherri uses her nickname for Andy as she asks, while also smiling to thank Josh who is holding the building door open for us.

"Yes, I was just about to peek in on him." I smile as I make a beeline for the daycare center hallway. I notice that Josh and Sherri are still walking with me. I'm glad, because we can then return together to our offices. I won't be the last one back.

My mind wanders to Tobias — his late night call concerned me. At least I could hear in his voice that he was okay by the time we got off the phone. He was so upset from his nightmare when he first called. I can't wait to see him for lunch today.

It has been one of these odd weeks where he and I had work commitments that forced us to split time with Andy and cover for each other. I hate that I haven't seen Tobias in three days. I had Andy two nights ago, and dropped him off at daycare yesterday morning. And when Tobias picked him up from daycare for the evening, I was in the middle of a meeting and couldn't run down to at least say hello.

"Oh my goodness, he is getting so big! Look at him eating his little snack with his girlfriends," Sherri exclaims with a laugh, interrupting my thoughts.

Josh and I curiously glance in to see what Sherri means. Andy does look adorable eating his crackers. He is flanked by two sweet little girls. Moments like these confirm that having my son in daycare to socialize with other kids his age is a positive thing for him.

My return to work is a good thing for us both.

As we get on the elevator, I'm still thinking about Andy. My baby is less than a month away from turning one year old, which is so bittersweet. Andy gets more and more engaging every day, and the laughter and joy he brings us is immeasurable. Which reminds me, when I see Tobias at lunch today, I want to discuss how we will celebrate.

I glance at my phone to check for any new messages. Tobias will text me when his manager's review should be over so we can have our lunch date. I smile at seeing a text that asks me to meet him at his apartment at one p.m., and for me to let myself in.

The last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. The day Tobias found out about the trust fund and Matthew, I saw in his face how much my secrets hurt him. I saw how much I had hurt him. In that moment, I knew that I had to be honest with him and pray he would accept the insecurities that have shadowed my decisions. I also realized that if things were to end between us, I would always love Tobias Eaton. Even if he didn't want to be with me anymore, my love for him would still be there.

I've given him the space he needed. It was the hardest decision of my life not to run to him and beg for forgiveness. I did the right thing, though, because he came to me when he was ready, when he was sure that he wanted to give us a chance to fix things between us.

Involving him in my therapy sessions with Claire was a smart decision. It helped us both to talk through the issues with her there to guide us. I was really impressed with how much of himself Tobias was willing to invest into therapy. Hearing him tell me in front of Claire that he loves me and wants us to have forever showed me how serious he is about this. It helped me to really hear him.

Another commitment we made was to put more effort into our relationship, which means more time alone together. We have solid offers from Evelyn, Caleb, and Candice to babysit, so we need to take them up on it.

I can't help but smile when I think of how far Caleb has come. He's doing so much better with his work-life balance. Mom and Dad would be so happy to see how things are working out for us both.

One positive thing arose from Matthew's actions: it showed Tobias how genuinely upset Caleb was over Matthew's inappropriate behavior towards me. With Claire's help, Tobias and I worked out the feelings around Caleb that were still impacting us both. Tobias admitted he still holds a lot of resentment towards Caleb over what my brother did to hurt me, and he said there is a part of him that blames Caleb for my choice to save him. He confessed that he felt I put Caleb ahead of him, and that it was safer for Tobias to direct his anger at Caleb instead of at me. I cried and told him I was sorry, and that I knew that I had hurt him. Tobias already forgave me, but he still struggles with his feelings.

Tobias agreed to try harder, and he acknowledged that Candice seems to be a great person and a good influence. Tobias joked that he hopes that Caleb doesn't screw it up. I just rolled my eyes and laughed.

I'd never admit it, but I also hope he doesn't screw it up. I really like Candice!

++++o+++++ ++++o+++++

++++o+++++

^^ Earlier That Morning ^^

** Tobias POV **

I wake up the next morning and feel the dread of my nightmare still bearing down on my chest. I hate that I had such a vivid dream about Zeke and Tris, together in that way. The very thought of it made me physically ill. I have no doubt my heart would break if she ever left me, but it would be even worse if she moved on with my best friend, just as I tried to move on with hers. I want to use our lunch today to reconnect, to make her understand that I belong to her, completely. I always have and I always will.

I pack Andy's daycare bag while trying to watch him out of the corner of my eye, making sure that he doesn't get into any trouble while crawling around. My apartment was baby-proofed by Caleb and Candice, but when my work schedule calmed down, I was the one to baby-proof Tris's new apartment. She rented a furnished studio, and we even managed to convince her building manager to switch out the sharp-edged end tables for more modern-looking plastic ones that have rounded edges.

Once I'm ready to leave, I smile and turn towards my son. "Okay, Andy! We gotta go, buddy!"

Andy smiles, lets go of the couch, and walks directly to me.

I hoot with excitement, and I rush to get on my knees so I can embrace him as he crashes into my arms. Andy laughs, very proud of himself.

"Oh, my baby! No, wait, you are my big boy now! I am so proud of you, Andy!" I laugh while hugging him closely.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, rushing to dial Tris, but then I stop short and put my phone away. I think it may really upset her that she missed this moment. Maybe she wouldn't care, but I think I know her better than that. It's likely she will be sad to have missed this.

Nope, I can't have that. Instead, I have a plan.

+++o+++

Dropping Andy off at daycare, I realize this is the first time I've ever been relieved that Tris can't meet me here so we can get him settled together. Even though we are now living apart, we work really hard to co-parent as a team whenever we can. I know Tris's workday is starting at an offsite meeting, so she won't be here, which works out well for me. I can put my plan into action.

"Hi, Mrs. Beth, how are you? Is your husband feeling better?" I ask Andy's head teacher as I fill out his check-in sheet for the morning. The staff like to know what kind of night and morning each baby had before they are dropped off.

"Oh, Tobias, thankfully his ankle wasn't broken in the fall, but he does have a nasty sprain. He will be home for a couple of days," Mrs. Beth responds, sighing. "You are such a dear to even remember to ask."

"Well, I'm just glad he didn't break anything. Tris will also be glad to hear he's doing okay." I pause to look around, noticing that there are only teachers by me. I don't like the other parents to hear when I am talking about personal things. "Speaking of Tris, I have a huge favor to ask of all of you."

I explain to the teachers that Andy walked for the first time today, but that Tris wasn't there to see it. They completely understand my desire not to mention it to Tris. They also explain that when they have a baby reach a huge milestone at daycare, they never mention it. They wait until mom or dad sees it and tells them.

"If mommy and daddy didn't see it, then it didn't happen!" Mrs. Beth laughs. She goes on to tell me how wonderful I am, and that Tris is lucky to have me.

I shake my head to disagree — she has it backwards. I am the one who is lucky to have Tris, and lucky to have a second chance with the love of my life.

I smile to myself, thinking about the lunch with Tris that I have planned. I hate that we haven't seen one another for three days. I never again want to be apart from her for so long. I pick up my phone and send her a text.

I can't wait to see her.

+++o+++

Running around my apartment to make sure everything is neat and orderly, I smile to myself. Tris should be here any minute.

I made us a nice lunch to enjoy, a lunch that's packed up so she can eat it at her desk later. I have something much more enjoyable planned for our lunch date today.

I run to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Looking in the mirror, I can see how nervous I am. It dawns on me that I am on edge because I haven't even laid eyes on her in three days.

This time apart has again solidified what I want in life. I want to marry Tris, and I would do it tomorrow if I thought she was ready. I know from reading her that she is not quite there yet. I'm not upset — a little disappointed, yes, but not mad. It's only because of where she is in her journey to wellness, not because of a lack of love. I know she loves me. I'm sure of it now.

My mind instantly replays the first time Tris Prior told me she loved me.

+++o+++ Flashback +++o+++

"I'll be your family now," I say to her. My heart is still pounding after what we just went through.

"I love you," Tris says.

I stare at her, frozen. I've loved her so deeply, for what feels like so long. I've wondered if she ever could love me in return. I've even wondered if I am loveable at all. Marcus and Evelyn each planted seeds of doubt in my mind, doubts that will never go away.

Can I trust her? Does she mean it? I know that I love her, but could she...

I realize I am still staring at her while she waits for me to say something. I frown, annoyed with myself for being so insecure, but I need to be sure.

"Say it again," I ask her.

"Tobias," she says, "I love you."

She said it.

And I believe her.

I slide my arms around her, pressing my face to her neck as I kiss right above her collarbone. I move up and kiss her cheek, then her lips.

"I love you, too," I say, barely able to control my emotions.

I love her, and she is mine.

+++o+++ Flashback End +++o+++

I've never really understood why or how she could love me. That's one of the topics I discussed with my own therapist. My personal issues with Marcus and Evelyn have made me feel so unworthy. A lot came to the surface when I suddenly had a six-month-old son in my arms — a son that was used to another man playing my role for the first part of his life. It was also with Andy that I came to accept the painful truth: my parents were each damaged in their own way. Those were the cards I was dealt. I can't change the past, all I can do is move forward.

What I do know, now, is that I am nothing like Marcus. I would never even think to lift a hand in brutality against Tris or Andy. It's another reason my nightmare from last night was so upsetting. But that is all it was — a terrible dream. It wasn't real, and I know that it never will be.

Sometime after Tris "died", there was a day when I was working on reconnecting with Evelyn. I was so broken on the inside, but I felt obligated to at least try. Evelyn had tried to explain abandoning me and leaving me with her abuser. She claimed it was a mistake she made because she was very young.

I know now, more than ever, that it was just a poor excuse. Evelyn was able to leave me because of who she was. Tris is very young herself, and I know with every fiber of my being that she would never leave her child behind, let alone with a monster like Marcus. Tris is selfless and strong. She always has been.

Part of growing up is accepting people for who they are, flaws and all. I am choosing to see Evelyn for who she is, but to still accept that she is my mother. I also see that she is trying very hard, and she does have regrets. I know I am not perfect either, far from it.

The sound of Tris's key in the lock interrupts my thoughts. I rush across the apartment to open the door for her.

"Oh, hi!" Tris laughs happily at seeing me. "You surprised me."

"A nice surprise, I hope," I mumble in her ear after pulling her close to me, my arms slowly rubbing up and down her sides.

Tris immediately wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me even closer. I feel her desperation in her hug.

"Tobias," she croons, leaning up to plant firm kisses on my neck as her hand gently pulls at the curls at the bottom of my head. "I've missed you so much. I didn't like being apart for so many days," Tris admits.

I can't help but feel glad to know she felt as strongly about it as I did. I lean down while tipping her chin up so that we are staring eye to eye. Tris's eyes search mine.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, Tris. On the bright side, we're here now, together and alone." I smile mischievously. "I did promise you lunch, so hopefully the lunch I packed for you to take back to the office later will suffice."

Tris's eyes brighten as her cheeks flush, the realization hitting her that I don't intend to use our lunch break to sit and eat a meal.

"I don't mind, not at all," Tris whispers, pushing her body closer to mine.

My lip crash to hers as she groans. We embrace tightly while standing in the middle of the room, our hands roaming up and down each other's body. We both become very aroused as we touch each other sensually.

After several moments, I grab Tris's hands and kiss them both. Her breathing is shallow, and her eyes flash with desire. I know what I want to do. I place her hands on my shoulders. "Keep your hands here for now, okay?"

Tris nods in agreement as I lean in to kiss her quickly, then I begin to work my way down her jaw and neck. Tris sighs as my hands hold her hips firmly while I kiss her three raven tattoos. She looks down and smirks at me playfully. I kiss her mouth thoroughly before returning to my original path.

I begin to unbutton her blouse, kissing her collarbone as she trembles against me. I push her blouse off and toss it towards the couch. I resume kissing down her body, stopping to pay extra attention to her beautiful breasts.

"Oh, Tobias," Tris moans. I can tell she is getting really worked up and will soon grow impatient with my slow pace.

I smile while getting low and kneeling in front of her, still holding her hips. I kiss her stomach lovingly as I begin to move further and further down. My fingers move from her sides to the button at the front of her dress slacks, slowly unbuttoning them and then sliding down the zipper, my lips trailing along the same path. Tris watches me intently, and her hands occasionally run through my hair to encourage me.

I push her slacks all the way down and enjoy how she gingerly steps out of them. I slip my fingers into her panties and teasingly pull them down. I plant a kiss on each of her hips, making her giggle. I need to move us to the bed, so I stand up and grab her quickly, throwing her over my shoulder. Tris gasps in shock before laughing.

I carefully set her down in front of the bed and stand in front of her, quickly pulling off my clothes while Tris takes her bra off.

"I love you, baby," I assure her as I grab one of our pillows and place it near the foot of our bed.

Tris smiles and nods as her hands begin roaming down my chest and stomach, but I stop her from moving further down to pleasure me. She pouts; I know she loves to make me feel good. "Not yet, baby. Patience," I insist while grabbing her hips and backing us up towards the bed.

As the backs of Tris's knees hit the mattress, she giggles and bites her lower lip. I guide her to sit down on the pillow, and then lean over her while I kiss her deeply, pushing her back onto the mattress. I follow her down, and for a moment I allow myself to enjoy the feeling of our naked bodies pressing together as I lie partly atop her.

"Tobias, I need you," Tris pants, her hand sliding between us as she tries to line my dick up with her entrance. I know she is getting edgy and frustrated, and wants me to take her quickly. "Baby, please!" she pleads.

I move her hand away and she cries out in frustration. I slide halfway down her body and I position her hips to lay just right on the pillow, tilting her core up to me. I continue to move down her body, kissing her until I am kneeling on the floor in front of her. Spreading her legs, I lean down and slowly kiss her inner thighs.

"Baby, are you comfortable?" I whisper, smiling as she moves an inch lower on the pillow and then leans up to nod and watch me. The look of longing she gives me is intense, and it takes all the control I have not to situate myself to push into her and take her.

I see how wet she is for me. Tris arches her back, practically inviting me to pleasure her. She begins begging me to make love to her.

"Baby, this is all about you, just try to relax," I say while kneeling in front of her, guiding her to bend her knees so she rests her feet on my shoulder blades. As I slowly kiss closer and closer to her sweet wet lips, Tris begins moving her hips in anticipation. I've tortured her enough; I dip my head down and taste her for the first time. I start slow, teasing her sweet nub. She immediately responds to me. Crying out repeatedly, Tris reaches down to desperately grasp the sheets by her hips, pinning her own hands down with her spread thighs.

I begin slowly increasing intensity and pressure, careful to listen to her reactions while I enjoy giving her pleasure.

She gasps, crying out loudly. I feel the heels of her feet dig into my back as she reacts strongly to my mouth on her sex, pleasuring her.

"Oh, Tobias!" she cries noisily. I alternate between pleasuring her with my tongue and then taking moments to kiss and massage her thighs. I slowly begin tracing the alphabet around her clit and wet lips; Tris begins rocking her hips against my face and moaning loudly. I hold her hips tightly every time I feel her start to shake, then pull her back from the edge.

"Please, please, make me come, Tobias," Tris begs. I feel a strong pull in my dick. I'm anxious to bury myself in her and take her hard and fast, but I'm not done going down on her — not even close. I never imagined I would want or be willing to be so intimate with anyone, but having my mouth on her is amazing.

I lower my head and hold her while I use my tongue to concentrate on her sweet core. Tris screams and shakes after each orgasm, at one point even begging me to "fuck her hard". She's never uttered those words to me before.

"Oh, Tobias. Baby, please, please, I need you," Tris moans while making eye contact with me. "Please, baby, don't you want me?"

I feel my face rush with warmth — do I want her? I want to take her like some kind of animal and have my way with her if she will let me. "Of course I want you. You are mine, now and forever," I say firmly while quickly deciding how I want to take her next. "Turn over, okay?"

I see a flash of doubt on her face before she nods and quickly flips to lay on her stomach. I gently run my hand up and down her back before grasping her hips.

"Baby, can you get on your hands and knees at the edge of the bed?" I ask her, my heart pounding with the anticipation of trying something new. Tris nods and does as I ask. She's quiet now; is she nervous?

"If you don't like this, just tell me and we'll stop, okay?" I whisper, leaning over and planting a kiss on her butt cheek while holding her hips steady. She breathes softly and nods.

I take my dick in hand and rub the tip around her wetness, lubricating myself. I stand behind her and enter her slowly. Shit, this position feels amazing. I'm in so deep, and she's so tight around me.

Tris immediately moans while arching her back. It's all the encouragement I need. I grab her hips and watch myself pump in and out of her body. I take her roughly and she immediately quivers around me, grunting my name. I continue taking her, the sounds of our sweaty skin slapping together barely audible over our moans and dirty talk. During her next orgasm, she bends down to bury her face in the pillow as she screams out loudly.

"Fuck, Tris. I love watching my dick move in and out of you," I grunt with satisfaction. I'm so turned on. I use one hand on her hip as my other hand glides up her body, and I lean over her to grab her shoulder. I hold tightly as I begin slamming in and out of her. Tris gasps with my first thrust, and then again with the second. Fuck, it feels so good, but even in my haze, I worry for her.

"Tris, you okay?" I say hoarsely. She gasps again as I pound into her.

"Don't stop, please," Tris cries as she trembles under me. "It's so damned good," she mumbles before gasping loudly with my next thrust. I hold her tightly as I resume pounding into her.

Tris slips her hand down and tentatively touches to feel me pushing in and out of her. I feel her fingertips touching her clit and my dick at the same time as we have sex. She turns her head to look over her shoulder, watching me thrust into her, her eyes glazed with desire. We have never been this rough or vocal.

Knowing that she is watching me as I take her puts me over the edge. I curse and let go as I push us both to our limits. My orgasm is strong as I close my eyes and see stars, my entire body shuddering. Tris is panting pitifully while still on her knees, resting her weight on her lower arms. I gently stroke up and down her back, caressing her fine ass every time my hands go lower.

She's so beautiful.

"My God, Tobias. I mean..." Tris can barely get words out as she tries to calm her breathing. "I can't even think straight right now."

I smile as she moves up the bed to carefully lie down while she catches her breath. I follow her and lie down next to her. Tris is moving into my arms before I'm even done getting comfortable.

We hold each other, and I lean down to kiss her gently. Tris's fingertips touch my cheek.

"I love you, forever," she whispers.

I close my eyes for just a moment, then ask her, "Say it again."

Recognition flashes across her eyes as she caresses my face.

"Tobias," she says in a choked voice, tears filling her eyes, "I love you, forever."

She says it and I believe her. I feel the same for her.

I lean over to kiss her slowly, nuzzling closer and closer.

"Tobias, we're really pushing the duration of this 'lunch', babe. We need to get back to work," Tris sighs sadly.

I groan, realizing she's right. I'm bummed to have our alone time end. I then remember Andy's first steps and my plan. I'm hoping she'll let me get him from daycare in case he is running circles around the room already.

"I know it's your night with Andy, but how about I pick him up after work so that you can stop at home and get a change of clothes for work tomorrow?" I suggest eagerly. "Either way, I'd really like to have you and Andy over for dinner."

"I'd love that, especially the sleeping over part. Although, I don't think we should ever try what we just did when Andy is in the room." Tris blushes while running her fingertips down my chest. "We were both very loud."

I laugh heartily. "I don't think I should go down on you at night, either. Thankfully, all the people that live on this floor work during the day. We'd wake the dead with your dirty little mouth!"

Tris gasps and then tries to roll away from me, obviously embarrassed. I catch her hip and pull her back into my arms, kissing her. "I can't even describe how hot that was. I loved every moment. I mean it, Tris," I say seriously before kissing her ardently. I'd love to go again, but we just don't have the time.

"I loved every moment, too." She smiles widely. "So, what did you pack me for lunch? I'm starved!"

++++o++++ ++++o++++

++++o++++

** Tris POV **

"Babe, you are spoiling me! When did you have time to assemble a lasagna?!" I demand while readjusting Andy's bib. He loves to pull them off and toss them on the floor.

"I made it before you arrived for lunch this afternoon, and to be honest, it was super-easy," Tobias admits. "I used the no-boil noodles and precooked frozen meatballs. And, of course, jarred tomato sauce. All I had to do was pop it in the oven when Andy and I got home."

"My man, the chef!" I tease lovingly. "You are the perfect specimen, Tobias Eaton!"

"Aw, just for that nice compliment I will pack you a lasagna serving for your lunch tomorrow," he promises me.

I beam at him; he is so amazing. And so good to me.

When we first sat down to eat, I brought up that we hadn't had a chance to discuss his nightmare. It must have been really bad if it caused him to call me in the middle of the night to check on me. Tobias got really quiet, and he took a moment before asking me to give him a chance to talk to his therapist first. He didn't want to discuss it before he was ready. I respected that, and assured him I understood.

"Tris, will you feed Andy his pudding dessert while I clean up in the kitchen? Maybe we can snuggle on the couch after dinner, the three of us?" Tobias asks, and I immediately agree.

A few minutes later, Andy has devoured his banana pudding, and I am wiping down his face and high chair tray. Tobias lifts him out of the high chair and into his arms. I smile, noticing how much more comfortable he has become with Andy these last couple of months.

Living apart has had some rocky moments and caused a few minor disagreements, but there are some true positives, too. Tobias was forced to deal with his fears of being a good enough dad for Andy. Before, he was relying on me too much to provide Andy's care. When I suddenly wasn't around, Tobias learned quickly that his fears were unfounded, and that he is an amazing dad to our son.

We snuggle on the couch together, our little family of three, and both Andy and I rest our heads on Tobias's chest. I listen to his steady heartbeat, and I wonder if Andy is listening to it, too. I'm so happy in this moment, and I allow myself to believe we can be this happy forever.

I want to believe it.

"Our baby is going to be a toddler next month," I whisper, sitting up to look at my two loves. "We should start thinking about a party, or a small celebration dinner."

"One year old on October first. And next thing you know, we'll be picking out his first Halloween costume!" Tobias laughs.

I smile, my cheeks flushing as I look at my fingernails in silence.

"Tris, did you buy his costume already?! It's still September!" Tobias chuckles, not looking annoyed at all.

"I brought it over to show you! It's in my bag, and no, I didn't buy it without you," I scoff, acting injured. "Jessica mailed it to me, along with the receipt to a Bureau Halloween costume store which is also in Chicago for the season. She says she will only be mildly disappointed if we reject her choice and exchange it for something else."

Tobias kisses my forehead and hands Andy to me, getting up to grab my overnight bag. He looks excited as he carries it to the bed so he can open it there. I hear him laugh as soon as he sees it.

"Here is the deal: you need to tell Jessica that I reserve the right to pick her baby's first Halloween costume next year!" Tobias teases as he walks over with the adorable tiger costume. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it, and I was really hoping Tobias would love it, too.

Laughing, I ask him, "Are you sure? It is his first Halloween — well, with us, I mean." I force a smile onto my face. It still pains me that we lost the first part of Andy's life because of some sick assholes and their experiments.

"I love it, Tris," Tobias assures me while looking over the bright costume. He looks so happy. "Jessica did well, but I still get to pick one for her baby next year."

Andy is laughing and watching Tobias hold out the costume across the room. He starts wiggling out of my arms, so I place him on the floor. Suddenly, Andy squeals with delight and starts walking across the room towards Tobias! Tobias immediately looks at me and I give him the biggest smile. Our son is actually walking! Tobias kneels down and holds his arms open to catch him; Andy is definitely wobbly.

"Dada! Dada!" Andy yells right before falling into Tobias's arms. He laughs as Tobias pulls him to his chest. I watch closely as Tobias squeezes his eyes shut and kisses the top of Andy's head.

I know how much this moment means to Tobias. Of course, he understood that Andy is just a baby, and that it was never meant as a slight, but it still pained him that his son never called him 'Dada'.

I'm overcome with emotion, and I cover my mouth to quiet the sob of joy that almost slipped out. Tears of happiness are streaming down my face. I watch the man I love and our son smile and laugh together. It is the happiest moment of my life.

Tobias points Andy in my direction, helping him stand, but not holding him up. "Can you go say hi to Mama?"

Andy beams at me proudly as he walks over to me. I sit on the floor to catch him, crying and laughing at the same time.

Tobias crawls over to sit next to me. He looks so happy. "You are actually crying, you are so happy he walked. I love it! Our son's first steps," Tobias finishes softly, leaning down to kiss my lips.

Tears fill my eyes again. I just can't seem to help it. Tobias chuckles and pulls me into his arms as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I'm crying because I'm so happy he said 'Dada'. You are the best father ever, and he and I are so lucky to have you," I say emotionally, ugly crying at the end with happiness. I am a hot mess. I see the shock register on Tobias's face. "But, yes, it's great he is walking, of course!" I quickly add, laughing.

We both smile, and then Tobias grabs my face and kisses me deeply; my lips part and my tongue pushes into his mouth first. If Andy weren't awake, I would literally jump Tobias's bones on this very spot on the floor. I'll have to settle for later tonight, although the wait may kill me.

"Tris, thank you for loving me the way that you do," Tobias says while pulling back. "In my head and heart, I know that you love me, but it's in moments like this that I am able to see just how much you really love me, and that you care deeply about my being happy."

I smile at him. I definitely do feel all those things.

Leaning his forehead against mine, he says, "I didn't grow up with that. I see clearly that our son will have unconditional love. But for me, experiencing it with you is a first. So, thank you," he finishes softly.

"You deserve to be loved this way," I assure him. Grinning, we kiss once more.

Andy laughs and crawls over to us, he seems to have grown tired of the whole walking thing for the moment. We settle back into playing on the floor together, Andy laughing at us both. He calls Tobias "Dada" again and again, and like a bumbling idiot I tear up every time.

As we get Andy ready for bed, Tobias is smiling broadly. I already warned him that I am going to screw him senseless once the baby is asleep in his crib. Although, we both agree that we will not be having a repeat of lunch. Even worse than your neighbors hearing you have loud, obnoxious sex, is your neighbors knowing you had loud, obnoxious sex, especially with a baby present in your studio apartment.

No, thank you.

Tobias is still laughing to himself, even after I point this out to him. He thinks it is hysterical. I mouth, "never going to happen" to him from across the room. Every time, he raises his eyebrows at me while licking his lower lip. What a tease he has turned out to be.

As we finally lay Andy down and watch him fall asleep after his bedtime stories, Tobias hugs me close, kissing the top of my head. Placing his fingers over his lips, he guides me away from the crib.

"I need to tell you something. It's important," Tobias says seriously.

I nod for him to continue.

"Tris Prior, you are the most important person in my life." He pauses, presumably to think carefully about his next words. "Of course, our child is also important, but when I think about my life and who I want as my partner — it is always you, Tris."

I smile and nod. I see the sincerity in his eyes, and I can hear it in his voice.

Tobias kisses my hand, then places it on his heart. "I want to be honest with you," he says solemnly. I can't help but watch him intently. "I'm willing to wait for you forever. But I need you to know that I want you back, now. Please, just keep that in mind."

I immediately understand what he is saying and nod.

"I do see and respect what a great decision it was for you to work. I will always support you, either way. Work full-time, part-time, or be a stay-at-home mom again — anything you want, I want to make happen," Tobias says firmly.

I smile and take a deep breath, soaking in his words. It feels like the first time that I am really hearing him. He is my partner. He is on my side, no matter what.

I slip my hand into his and pull him towards our bed. He smiles, recognizing the desire on my face. I can't wait to show him how happy I am right now.

+++o++ Chapter End ++o+++


	36. Chapter 36: Andy Turns ONE!

Chapter 36: Andy Turns ONE!

Date: October 1, 2801 +o+ Baby is 1 year old today!

^^ Three Weeks Have Passed ^^

*Tobias POV *

Smiling to myself, I remember that I can actually enjoy my weekend. Now that the election is over, I don't have hours and hours of reports to edit, conference calls to run, and polling to do on my time "off".

Johanna's win came just in time, a week before Andy's birthday and his party. It was a long road, but I couldn't be more pleased with the outcome. I have always believed in Johanna's vision for Chicago, and now through government representation, she will have an even louder voice.

She mentioned needing to speak with me about my future role on her team; she would like to see more from me. Johanna and a few other of my coworkers will be at Andy's birthday party this afternoon, but I doubt we will end up talking about politics and policy here. I'm sure Troy and his wife will have their hands full with their four kids, and they now have a fifth baby on the way. Tris has also invited a few coworkers and their families to the party, and of course our family and closest friends. I know Tris is beside herself with happiness that Jessica and Michelle have traveled to Chicago to spend time with us.

I can't wait to remind Jessica that I will be picking out her kid's Halloween costume next year.

"I am almost afraid to ask why you have that evil smirk on your face. You are definitely planning something!" Tris laughs as she enters the common room of her apartment building. I walk over to grab the large boxful of decorations out of her arms. Tris still has some bags filled with supplies hanging on her wrists.

The party room in Tris's building is much larger than mine, so we are having Andy's party here. It has a full kitchen, a pool table, and an array of couches and chairs, even some dining room tables to enjoy a meal. My favorite thing is the large screen TV, not that we will be using it today.

"I'm just looking forward to seeing Jessica at the party. I want to go over some Halloween costume ideas for her kid," I answer to Tris's question. "Since I will be picking it out."

Tris winks at me. I don't think she is convinced Jessica will give me true decision-making power in this area. We shall see.

"Everything good upstairs?" I ask.

"Yes, Andy just went down for his nap and your mom is watching him while also doing some last minute food prep," Tris says while helping me open the box to begin sorting the decorations. "I also called Caleb's apartment just now, and Candice is still decorating Andy's cake. But, she promised she will get it done in time, even if they don't make it until just before the party starts."

We hurry to decorate the party room, often working in comfortable silence, and stop here and there to share hugs and kisses. Tris is always the one to pull away and concentrate on making sure everything looks perfect. When she thinks I am not looking, I catch her frowning. Finally, after the third time, I have to say something.

"Hey, come here." I pull Tris into my arms and kiss her forehead for a moment, allowing my lips to rest on her. "Don't be stressed, this party is going to be perfect. Our family and friends just want to celebrate Andy with us."

"I know," she replies, still sounding tense. Wrapping her arms tightly around my waist, Tris turns her head to kiss me lightly on the lips. Holding her so closely, I can feel her tremble slightly.

"If it's not the party, what is bothering you, Tris?" I push her for an answer before disarming her with a passionate kiss. She melts in my arms as our lips press together. I feel her relaxing more and more as each moment passes.

We break apart and Tris smiles sadly. "I can't believe Andy was born exactly a year ago, and that I wasn't awake to see it. Or to hold him." Pausing to compose herself, she says, "I guess there are still so many things that happened that I hate, things I'm trying to come to terms with. Claire's a huge help in working through losing those six months, but..."

My stomach clenches, hearing the pain in her voice as she is left without words. It's the same pain I also carry. "Tris, we are in this together, always. We will never get that time back, but look at what we have now. Our son, and each other."

Tris nods and beams at me, understanding shining in her eyes. Our lips meet, and our kisses start slow. Needing to be closer, I pin her against the kitchen counter and hold her tightly, my lips trailing across her jaw leisurely.

Moments pass before her teeth nibble my lower lip, and I groan into her mouth. I can feel her becoming more passionate. Tris pauses to pull away, smiling at me as she guides my hands to her hips. I squeeze her lovingly, and she closes her eyes and sighs.

"There is something you could do to help me," she whispers before tracing the tip of her tongue gently across my lower lip. Her eyes are hooded with lust, and my heart races. "Kiss me, Tobias. Help me forget the pain."

Nodding, I press my lips to hers. Our tongues twist together slowly until Tris pauses, resting her forehead on mine. Her breathing is labored. "I meant a different kiss, babe."

Stunned, my jaw drops as Tris smirks. She slowly reaches up underneath her dress and pulls her panties down; they fall at her heels. "T-Tris," I stutter, nervously looking around the party room. I don't see any cameras, and there is just one entrance, well to the left of us on the wall located behind Tris. In the hour we've been here setting up, not one person has come by, but still...I'm not sure this is a good idea.

Pressing small kisses along my neck and collarbone, she whispers, "My book club meets here every week, and I have to tell you my secret." I nod for her to continue, searching her face for a clue.

"I always think about you, missing you, wanting you, needing you, Tobias." With each word that leaves her mouth, I feel the blood rushing to my groin; I'm driven to please her. It's all that I want to do, to satisfy her.

"I fantasize about you, doing things to me in this room. I've scoped it out — there are no cameras, and no one is allowed to enter unless it has been reserved," Tris whispers huskily, guiding my hands back to her hips. I know what she wants: my mouth on her. I groan, aching to taste her and aching to make her come. "The room is ours and the party doesn't start for another hour. Tobias, please."

I kiss her roughly, grabbing her hips and pushing her up to sit at the edge of the kitchen counter. I groan again when I see she is still wearing her heels and her panties are resting at her ankles. "I'd do anything for you," I promise her while slipping my fingers against her wet lips and pushing the bottom of her dress to her hips with my other hand.

Tris moans softly as I begin slowly caressing her, drawing it out. Knowing my slow pace will drive her mad, I continue, wanting her to beg me to give her exactly what she wants.

"Tobias, please don't tease me. You know what I want," Tris chastises me. I gently pinch her bundle of nerves and she gasps. I've tortured her enough.

"Lean back," I command, chuckling at how she eagerly complies. Tris does as I say while still resting on her elbows so she can watch me. I grab her ankles to put her legs over my shoulders, but first I pull her panties down off her ankles, past her heels, and display them to her so she can see that I am now holding on to them. Tris bites her lips, her eyes gleaming with a silent challenge.

XO

I dip my head down between her legs to pleasure her with my mouth. I concentrate on her sweet core as she pants, only lifting her hips up towards me as she nears her release. I glance up, expecting to see her intense stare. Instead, her head is thrown back in ecstasy.

Tris gasps, and I feel her legs twitching as she comes. As she comes down from her high, I gently kiss her again before standing upright and offering her the panties back.

"Tobias, please, just a little more. I'm so close again," Tris whispers, her own fingers slipping down to touch her pink, glistening sex; she knows very well that it's such a turn on for me to watch her touch herself.

Chuckling, I remind her we still need to finish decorating for the party. Tris pouts, but agrees. But unable to say no to her, without warning I dip my head back down and suck on her nub.

It only takes a few minutes more. She wasn't lying, she must have been close. "Oh! Tobias, yes, yes!" she moans loudly, shaking as pleasure racks through her body.

I pull back, and am immediately met with her furious glare — no doubt for stopping. "You need to keep it down, or I'll have to stop," I chastise her. I love her, but I am dead serious.

Tris hums, "God, you are so sexy when you are bossy. Promise me that tonight, after Andy is asleep, you will take me all night long."

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you going to be quiet?"

Tris blushes and nods her head in agreement while scooting her ass closer to the edge of the counter. She is insatiable, and I love it.

Since I had no qualms with her request for tonight, I quickly promise her and then lean down to resume pleasuring her. I can't wait to have her in bed, under me. Tris pants heavily, but refrains from crying out loudly as she moves her hips against my mouth. I caress the sides of her thighs, and think about pulling her off the counter and taking her from behind quickly. I know I won't need much time with how worked up I am.

XO

"Oh my God!" I hear a woman's voice shriek. Looking past Tris to the left, my eyes land on a shocked Candice, who immediately turns her head around and pushes back into the hallway.

"Candice, watch it, I almost dropped the cake!" Caleb cries from the hallway.

As Tris scrambles up, I realize her juices are all over my mouth and chin. Without thinking, I quickly wipe my face with her panties while my other hand helps her down from the counter. Tris looks horrified, her face instantly the reddest I've ever seen. I am positive my face is equally red. I have no doubt Candice saw exactly what I was doing to Tris. I'm mortified, absolutely mortified, and unbelievably uncomfortable.

Tris pulls down her dress, and I hold her ridiculously wet panties behind my back, while we turn to face the door.

Caleb pushes his way in; Candice is unable to look either of us in the eye as she sets up the cake on the display table we had placed at the other side of the room.

Caleb looks around the room, trying to piece together what he just missed. Finally he says, "What the heck is going on? What are you guys doing in here? Where's Andy?"

I keep my mouth shut, afraid to make a sound — I am so embarrassed.

"Andy's upstairs with Evelyn, napping. Evelyn could probably use some help bringing the food down. Um, we are just finishing the decorations," Tris says meekly.

Caleb grunts, obviously annoyed. I can tell he doesn't know exactly what was going on, but it was enough for Candice to gasp and then rush out of the room.

They agree to go and help Evelyn, thankfully. As they are walking out, Candice clears her throat and smiles at us. "We will be back soon, guys..."

Both Tris and I just nod, understanding her meaning. As soon as they are out of sight, Tris covers her eyes with her hands. "That didn't just happen! Please tell me she didn't actually see what we were doing. No, right?!"

As I show Tris her wet panties, now unwearable, I smirk and ask, "Would it make you feel better if I said no?"

++o++

"Hey man, everything okay?" Zeke asks me while I add presents to the gift table. I still need to set up the baby book display and find the markers.

Tris and I made Andy a photo book — okay, more like Tris did all the work, but she asked for my opinion here and there — and left space on the pages for our guests to write him a message.

"Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?"

"I just noticed that you and Tris haven't said a word to each other in the twenty minutes I've been here. Did you have a fight?" Zeke watches me while taking a drink of his beer.

Ha! If only Zeke knew — Tris and I are still mortified, and I've managed to completely avoid Candice since the party started, thank God.

I think a piece of my soul died when Candice discreetly got out the cleaning spray and paper towels to vigorously scrub the counter where I'd had Tris splayed out before me like a dessert bar.

"Not fighting, just rushing to get the party ready, and people are still arriving so she is welcoming them," I say, which is true. We were so busy fooling around we didn't get all the party setup done.

I don't tell Zeke this, of course.

"Hi, Tobias. I'd like to introduce you to my husband, Jason," Sherri, Tris's good friend from work, says while walking over with a man that appears to be about her age. He is very tall, and towers over his petite wife, similar to how I tower over Tris.

"Hi, nice to meet you," I say while shaking Jason's hand. I then introduce the couple to Zeke.

We talk for a few minutes, and Jason seems like a really nice guy. I try to remember how long Tris told me that Sherri has been married. She and her husband seem to be a very solid couple.

Glancing at Tris every now and then, I see that she is still greeting the guests that are trickling in. She's directing them to the gift table while also pointing to our food setup so they can partake. I start to wonder why Evelyn hasn't brought Andy down yet. We did tell her not to wake him from his nap, but I wasn't expecting him to sleep this long.

"Hey." Tris joins us; she has a large gift bag for Andy in her hand. "Sherri, Jason, hi! I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to talk with you when you first came in."

"No problem. Everything looks great. Thanks for inviting us!" Sherri smiles, giving Tris a hug hello, the gift bag swinging out as Tris's arms wrap around her friend. The bag almost knocks into Jason's chest.

Jason and I laugh as he makes a quick move to avoid getting clobbered.

"Tris, I'll take that gift to the table," I offer.

"Thanks, Tobias. Oh, Sherri! Josh was just here, and he wanted me to let you know he couldn't stay," Tris frowns. "He just dropped off his gift for Andy and ran." Tris waves at the gift before handing it to me.

"Oh, no, he was worried that his sister's moving day would get in the way. He is the sweetest. He has to be a saint to put up with me at work!" Sherri laughs.

Tris smirks, but is polite enough to say nothing. I know that Josh is good friends with Tris and Sherri, but I haven't had the chance to meet him yet.

Sherri's husband, Jason, mentions that he really likes Josh. "There is a small group of guys, we will grab dinner and then do a poker night. Josh is the one that originally invited me. Tobias, if you are interested, I can make sure you get invited to the next one."

Before I can answer Zeke jumps in, "That sounds great! And yes, Four and I would be thrilled to do a guy's dinner and poker!"

Everyone laughs and Jason puts both my and Zeke's cell numbers into his phone.

Moments later, Evelyn brings Andy down and the party really gets started.

Johanna and a few of my coworkers are here, one of them being Troy. Troy and his wife are expecting their fifth baby in a few months. Tris's eyes widened as their four kids ran around wildly. Then she also laughed at how happy they seem.

As Andy is eating his lunch, a few people start teasing that it is time for Tris and me to start thinking about another baby. I force a smile; the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. But the truth is that I would love to have another child with Tris. I glance at Tris; she is a little slower to mask her emotions, and she frowns for a moment before laughing it off. I see that her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes.

We are nowhere near having a second baby. Shit, we don't even live together, nor have we talked about marriage yet. I smile and push my negative thoughts away.

++o++

The party went really well, and Andy had a great time. The cake smash was the best part of the party. Michelle's little girls were so sweet, and doted on Andy the most. He seemed to enjoy being the center of attention.

We had a great turnout, even Amar and George made it. Tris was so happy to see them. I am glad they waited until Tris was not with us to ask why Cara, Matthew and Shauna weren't at the party. They hadn't really talked to anyone in a while. I filled them in quickly, and told them I was at peace with the decision.

At one point, Zeke and I were in the kitchen area, and we both overheard a conversation between Tris, Jessica and Michelle. The girls didn't realize we could hear them. Jessica is getting further along in her pregnancy, and was making some snarky remarks about how uncomfortable it is. She commented to Michelle that she dreads that it will only get worse.

I could see the way that Tris's back straightened. It still bothers her that she didn't get to experience that with Andy.

Michelle also picked up on Tris's sadness and was able to point it out to Jessica so she can be more sensitive, but Tris also admitted that she has no right to be upset with Jessica. It's just something she is working through.

As Zeke and I slipped away so as to not listen any further, he patted me on the back and gave me some of his typically unsolicited advice:

"You just better hurry up and put a baby in Tris, and soon," Zeke joked.

++o++ ++o++ ++o++

++o++ ++o++

^^ One Week Later ^^

* Tris POV *

"Tris, can you hand me the stapler?" Sherri asks. "You'd think that if they were going to send us to an offsite location to assemble these briefings, they'd at least make sure we have all the supplies we need!"

"Now, now. You are just cranky because you didn't get your favorite coffee this morning," I laugh at my coworker while handing her the one stapler we are sharing. Normally, sharing sounds fine, except when we are supposed to staple 500 briefing packets in a short amount of time.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't complain to you when you are stuck here all day!" Sherri raises her eyebrows. "Besides, I can only imagine how cranky you are going to be since you won't have time to take a lunch today."

"Umm, I'm not sure what you mean? I'm sure if they make us work through lunch they will provide us with sandwiches, and I am just as sure that I'll end up being the person to do the ordering!" I laugh. Sherri is helping me with the grunt work, thank goodness. She then gets to return to our offices for a regular day while I will be staying for the meeting.

"Besides, this meeting is scheduled to end right before lunch. So, although I'm not making any plans, I still may be able to get away from the office for a break," I say, doubting it will end up that way. These meetings tend to run long.

"Well, if you do get a lunch today, and you aren't too busy having a 'nooner', you should join me and some of my friends today. We already decided on your favorite salad place right across the street from the office. We are meeting there at 12:30 pm," Sherri says coyly, using her fingers to emphasize the word 'nooner'.

I have no idea what she is talking about: a noon what?

"Thanks for the invite, I would like to join if I can. But what is a 'nooner'?" I ask.

Sherri bursts into a fit of giggles. "You've really never heard that term?!"

I shake my head no as I continue working.

"It's when someone uses their lunch away from the office to meet someone to have quick sex. Usually in a hotel, but I'm guessing you and Tobias each live close enough to meet at home," Sherri teases me as I roll my eyes in response. "Don't act all innocent, I can tell exactly when you and your man have your lunchtime romantic interludes."

My cheeks flush wildly. It's been a few weeks since the first time Tobias surprised me with a packed lunch, and instead of eating at home, we enjoyed really hot sex. And we have made it happen a few more times since, and they have all been amazing, I think to myself, unable to control my grin.

Clearing my throat, I say, "Well, I doubt you can actually tell anything. It's not like I have an X on my forehead after... Let's just talk about something else!"

"Oh, sweet Tris. Aside from you needing to inhale your food at your desk after your lunch hour, I can tell by your smile and the glow on your face exactly when you have met Tobias for a nooner. Sorry, I mean lunch!"

So embarrassed, I burst out laughing and tell Sherri to knock it off. She does assure me that no one else in the office is as observant as she is.

++o++

Rushing down the streets of Chicago, I glance at my watch and smile. I can still meet Sherri and her friends at lunch. I am also craving my favorite chicken salad.

Walking in, I smile at the host and point to the table where I see Sherri sitting. As I get closer, I see that Josh is there and to my surprise, so is Troy, who works with Tobias. I then remember that Sherri knew Troy from when they both used to work in Providence.

When I am almost to the table, a woman pulls her stroller right into my pathway and starts situating her infant. She looks at me apologetically. I smile and tell her to take her time, I know how it goes!

My friends haven't seen me yet, but I am close enough to hear their conversation.

Sherri: Josh, you okay? You've been really quiet the last few days. What's going on with you?

Josh: Nah, everything is fine. I guess the truth is, I've really started to crush on Tris. I've been working up the courage to ask her out on a date.

(In this moment, I consider quickly walking away and pretending I didn't hear)

Sherri: Wait...what? Tris from our office?!

Sherri looks confused and horrified at the same time. Troy, who is friends with Tobias, is coughing as though he swallowed his water the wrong way. Troy is looking at anyone except Josh and Sherri.

Josh: Yeah, Tris from work. I'm just not sure if she is really over her ex.

I decide not to be a coward, and walk to the table now that the path is clear. Sherri and Troy spot me first, their eyes widening. Josh turns around to see what they are looking at.

"Oh! Hey, Tris. I didn't see you standing there, obviously," Josh says meekly.

I smile kindly; Josh is a great guy, and someone I really like being friendly with at work. "Can I join you guys?" I ask.

Everyone motions for me to join them, and then Josh stands to pull my seat out. Poor Troy's eyes widen even more, and he loosens the collar around his neck nervously.

"So, I'm guessing you heard that I wanted to ask you out. Maybe we can meet up for dinner some time? Maybe this weekend?" Josh asks me nervously.

"Josh, I am actually still in a relationship with Tobias. We never broke up," I say firmly, smiling at him. I don't want to be cruel, but I also can't have him thinking that I am available.

Josh's mouth falls open as his cheeks flush. "Tris, I had no idea. I really thought when you moved out that it was because you guys had broken up. And at the time, I wasn't really paying that close of attention."

As Josh is rambling on, and Sherri and Troy relax and join the conversation to say that it's not a big deal, my mind wanders.

Josh is a really good-looking guy, nice and successful, and I have absolutely zero interest in him. My heart is completely devoted to Tobias. I know that there is not another man on this earth that would make me turn away from him.

So, why do I have such a hard time believing that Tobias feels the same way about me?! I smile at Josh; in that moment, it is like a light switch has been flipped.

I am completely devoted to Tobias, just like he is to me!

Josh apologizes, and I remind him that he has absolutely nothing to apologize for. This is just a simple misunderstanding. Sherri helps make it less awkward as we discuss other girls in the office that may be a better fit.

I share a look with Troy. I am not going to discuss Tobias in front of Sherri and Josh, but I can only guess he will tell Tobias.

Although it's Tobias's night to get Andy, I make a mental note to meet him in the lobby after work.

++o++

"Hey," I smile getting off the elevator, relieved to see that Tobias is already waiting for me. He smiles, saying nothing as he holds my hand and pulls me to the empty hallway.

Tobias studies my face for a second and then leans down to kiss me fiercely. I melt into his arms.

After a few moments we finally break apart, both smiling

After a few moments we finally break apart, both smiling.

"You already know," I say.

"Yeah, Troy told me," Tobias frowns slightly, but I can sense he is calm. "He also told me that it was more of a misunderstanding, and that you quickly crushed all of Josh's hopes and dreams."

I roll my eyes, but I also know Tobias is teasing. Josh was interested in hanging out; it's not as though he has deep feelings for me. "Well, that would explain why you are calm, which is a good thing," I smile at him while pulling him close again.

"I won't lie to you, the moment I heard about it, I did get upset. I just love you so much, the thought of some other guy trying to swoop in makes my head spin," Tobias admits sheepishly. "But, I also know that I need to trust you. I adore you, and I have to believe that you feel the same for me."

"Well, believe it, Tobias Eaton," I kiss him slowly, gently sucking on his lower lip before pulling away. His eyes darken with want; it drives him crazy when I do that.

"I have that appointment with Claire after work today, do you want to come? We can try to make Andy suffer through it, it's just fifty minutes," I offer. "I mean, if you think you need to talk things out?"

"Nah, Andy is so cranky at the end of the day, but I would love it if you came to have dinner with us after. You can spend the night, make it up to me after Andy is asleep?" Tobias smiles mischievously. "I'm going to need a lot of reassurance about how much you need only me."

I laugh and agree. We kiss again before parting ways.

++o++

"So, your therapy session went well? You haven't decided to leave me for John?" Tobias teases while serving out dinner.

"Ha, ha. You are so funny. And you know his name is Josh. You don't fool me," I pause. "You have probably already cyber-stalked him and ruled out that he is a serial killer."

Tobias's cheeks flush, he is such a gifted stalker.

"Alright, you got me. He seems to be clean. I don't anticipate him going crazy on us. It's my job to look out for you — for us, really," he says softly.

"I know, baby, I know. Thank you for caring about us. Andy and I are lucky to have you," I smile at him, my heart racing.

"Therapy did go well. We didn't talk long about Josh, the best thing that I can say is that it...well, it helped me to know how devoted I am to you, and to accept that you feel that way about me, too. So, thank you for being amazing and loyal," I admit softly as Tobias stops eating to study my face. "I love you, always."

"I love you, too. And there is something else I wanted to talk about," Tobias starts. I smile at him, already guessing what is on his mind.

"My three-month lease is ending shortly, and I need to extend or give notice," I state.

Tobias nods and pauses before speaking. "This is your call, but I just need to tell you that I want our family to be back under one roof. I want you, Andy, and me to be living together."

I nod, listening to him.

"We are already a family, period. I don't care what anyone says, or where we live. You and Andy are my family," Tobias says firmly.

"I feel the same way," I admit. "I just am not quite ready to make that final decision. I hope you can respect that. I haven't figured it all out yet. Can you give me a little more time? I promise to let you know soon. Okay?"

"Of course. I want to give you the time that you need. I just want to also be honest about what I want. But, what you want also matters to me." Tobias smiles. "I'm okay with waiting. You are worth it."

We kiss slowly and then begin eating our meal.

I know I have a lot of things to process, and not that much time.

++o Chapter End o++


	37. Chapter 37: Farewell

Chapter 37: Farewell

Date: Early October +o+ Andy is 1 year old

^^ One Week Later ^^

*Tris POV *

"How about Tarzan and Jane? That would match Andy's tiger costume," Tobias suggests. We are trying to come up with a good Halloween "couple" costume for us.

"Um, since we just watched the classic Tarzan movie, I'm going to assume that you haven't forgotten how Tarzan is actually dressed. So, you're ok wearing a loincloth smaller than your boxers?!" I ask teasingly. I sure as hell wouldn't mind seeing Tobias looking all sexy this Halloween. "If yes, I think we should use some baby oil to slather all over your body. I'll even help apply it!"

I giggle softly as Tobias's cheeks turn red. He then rolls on top of me on the bed. It's an early Saturday morning, and Andy is still sound asleep thanks to the black-out blinds my apartment has.

I gently rub circles on Tobias's back while enjoying the weight of him pressing me into the mattress. I always feel safe and loved when he is so close.

"I was only thinking about you as my Jane, but that will be a big no for Tarzan," he whispers in my ear before kissing my jaw. His tongue traces lazily along my jaw in between his kisses.

I hum softly before I answer him. "Too bad, I'd love to be your Jane," I whisper as I shift my hips under him to put his groin right where I need it. I'm still not wearing any panties, not since he pulled them off me last night when we made love.

He groans softly and moves my knees up to have better access to me. His eyes are suddenly dark and focused. "Tris?" I know that he wants me, and badly. I can feel how hard he is.

"I want you." I move my hips to tease him. "Andy may wake up soon, so let's just go slow. We can be quiet."

Tobias smiles, leaning down to kiss me slowly, pulling my lower lip in between his teeth and causing me to whimper. He slips his fingers down to begin pleasuring me, but I stop him.

"I'm ready now, just go slow," I croon with urgency while guiding his tip to my core.

Our lovemaking is slow and sensual; we kiss, hug and continue discussing our Halloween costumes, which makes us laugh.

As he holds me I realize I've never been so happy and comfortable with him as I am now.

I love him so much.

++o++

"Okay, Andy! We are on a mission. It's up to us to find some solid costume ideas for me and your Dada." I laugh as Andy looks up from his stroller and smiles at me. Every day that passes, I see less baby and more of a little boy in my son.

Tobias is helping Zeke with some errands today, and then they're having a guys' lunch out. I decided to run some errands of my own and make a day of it with Andy.

Pushing his stroller to one of the city's larger marketplaces, I am also hoping to find some costume ideas for Tobias and me. The marketplace has so many small specialty shops, and more and more are opening each week now that Chicago is accessible to the rest of the country.

Pulling Andy's stroller out of a shop and walking backwards into the main walkway, I am shocked when I turn the corner and run smack into Christina. She is alone and has a handful of packages.

We both look at each other awkwardly. I immediately remember the last time she and I spoke, when she was taunting me about bed sheets and sex stains.

I immediately remember the last time she and I spoke, when she was taunting me about bed sheets and sex stains

"Tris," she mumbles uncomfortably. "How are you?"

"I'm great. You?" I reply stiffly, feeling a forced need to be polite. Seeing her so unexpectedly, I realize that I feel a lot differently compared to the last time that I saw her. So much has changed for me since that day.

Chris opens and closes her mouth twice before finally answering me. "I'm good."

As I am about to say goodbye and keep walking, she brings up Cara and Matthew.

"Did Tobias tell you that I was at the tuxedo shop that day? Along with Cara, we heard the whole confrontation," Christina mumbles.

Frowning, I shake my head to say no. Tobias and I had so much to work out then that neither one of us even remotely cared enough to discuss Matthew and what went down between Tobias and him, nor what ended up happening with Cara and Matthew.

Chris has a slight scowl. "Just one more man that wants you over some other girl," she says resentfully.

My back straightens; as Andy is in his stroller, I keep my voice even and low. "I had nothing to do with that. I never encouraged Matthew. I had no idea he even felt that way. Ever."

Sighing, Chris finally nods in agreement, her tone more conciliatory. "I know you didn't. I actually noticed the way he looked at you while we were still at the Bureau. Even before the reset. I didn't think it was worth saying anything."

"No, it wouldn't have been. I loved Four then. It wouldn't have mattered to me in the least," I say coldly.

Christina just nods again before continuing, "Well, they are completely over now. Cara moved back to Philadelphia, and Matthew returned to the Bureau."

I remain quiet, thinking to myself that Cara is probably better off without him, that cad.

"So, how is Tobias?" Christina asks quickly, putting an instant scowl on my face that she sees. She rolls her eyes at my expression.

"You know, Tris, I get it, you are back from the dead and back to being his everything now. But he and I were really close for the full year that you were gone." Christina begins to get flustered. "You should really thank me; I am the one who stopped him from taking the memory serum."

I feel my cheeks getting red with annoyance. "Who did you really do that for? Him? I know it wasn't out of your friendship for me! What was it you said to me in the hallway at the Bureau? How you saved that vial of memory serum you stopped Tobias from drinking? Why would you have saved it, unless you already had feelings for him just days after I had supposedly died!?"

Christina's face flushes. "It wasn't like that, Tris!"

"Wasn't it, though? Why the hell else would you hold on to a little glass vial for so long?! You told Tobias, too, before I was back. And then you told me that night that you saved it to keep as a reminder of what you almost lost the day that he almost lost himself."

Christina frowns, saying nothing. It is the first time I have ever seen her completely speechless.

"By the way, let me set you straight on one important point. Tobias didn't bother to correct you, because he doesn't care what you think. But, how dare you open your trap and tell him that I only forgave him because we found out about our son?!" I hiss softly, not wanting to startle Andy.

Christina's frown deepens. "Well, you yourself told us that we 'made you sick' and that you were never going to get past it!"

"Okay, yes — I did say that. But just so you know, since you seem to be really interested in what Tobias and I have now, I saw the full surveillance video of the day I 'died'. All of it." I calm myself before continuing. "I was completely prepared to live our separate lives and simply co-parent with him. We would have just been civil and always put the baby first. And Tobias was onboard, too."

Christina looks confused, but nods for me to continue.

"But when I saw the video, and I saw him that day... The way that he loved me, the way he suffered over me... That was what made me forgive him and believe what Tobias had been telling me all along. I was, and always would be, his everything," I say confidently.

It is the truth, and Christina needs to hear it from me. I am no longer a weak little girl who will cower before her. Tobias is my man, and no one will take him away from me.

Flinching, Chris takes a step back. I can almost see the wheels in her head turning. But, I am not done talking to her. God knows, I've sat quietly and listened to her many times. Now it is her turn.

"So, I will tell you this: watching that video, I saw you were upset and you suffered over my death, but I also saw the way you were looking at Tobias. You liked him even then! Just admit it," I say firmly, watching her eyes widen.

Chris's cheeks flush. "Just stop! You were my best friend, Tris! No matter what, you can't rewrite history!" Chris takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Was I secretly pining for Tobias and waiting for my chance to steal him from you? Of course not! You don't have to believe me, but I know that was not the case."

I study her face, I do believe her. I also feel a pang of wistfulness, remembering the friend that I have lost. I nod my head, signaling that I want to hear her out.

"What I do remember is being really lonely and still sad over losing Will. And yes, I forgave you and I even understood why it happened. But, it still hurt me that he was dead, while you had this amazing guy!" she admits, tears filling her eyes.

I bite my lip. Will's death will forever be something I regret. At the same time, I also recall the memory of her taking the flag, and her snide comments when I was at my best. It was like she needed me to be one step below her, whenever possible.

"Look, let's just be honest — I have always struggled with jealousy. Seeing the amazing love between you and Four while I was desperately missing Will... it was hard for me."

"I never knew you felt that way. I guess Four and I were having so many problems at the Bureau... it never occurred to me that anyone would be jealous of all the bickering," I finish with a smirk, getting Christina to laugh.

"Well, even with the silly bickering, it was obvious to anyone that you two—" Christina pauses, and just shakes her head. "It was obvious that you were everything to each other."

I know it was painful for her to admit that, and she is right. I am confident in what Tobias and I have. I love him, and he loves me.

I sigh, feeling so drained from this conversation. I can tell Christina is tired, too. We're both tired of all of this bullshit between us.

"Look, Tris, I want you to know that I see what you and Tobias have. No one — not me, not anyone else — is ever going to come between you," Christina says. "I know that what I need to do now is to move on with my life."

I nod and smile, wanting to show my encouragement. I don't hate Christina, not anymore, and I'd like to know she will end up having a happy life. The truth is that she and I also have a huge history of our own that has nothing to do with Tobias.

"Tris, I have to say it, even if you can't forgive me: I am sorry. I don't mean for being with him, but I do regret the terrible games I played when you first got back," she says softly, her voice trembling. "If I had known about Andy, I swear I would have stepped away. I hope you can believe me."

I stop to think about the lowest time of my life and everything I went through. And the truth is, her nasty lies played a huge role. But, I have to take responsibility for my choices as well. I let my jealousy and insecurities control my life. It's really not all on her.

"I do believe you, Christina. I hate what has happened between us, but it's over now, and it's time to put it behind us. In the end, Andy is safe, and he has two parents that adore him," I tell her plainly. I just want all the fighting to stop.

"Look, I know we can never go back..." Chris starts.

"No, we can't. More importantly, I don't want to," I interrupt firmly. There is no way in hell I want her back in my life. Too much has happened.

Christina nods, a look of understanding on her face.

"Christina, I wish you well, but I don't think we are at our best when we're near each other," I say, shaking my head.

"I agree, Tris. Some of the things I've said — like the sheets comment — that's not even who I really am! I was lashing out, and I wanted to hurt you because I was hurting. I was wrong to treat you so badly," Chris admits. "But I have finally accepted how things are, and I am moving on. I've even started dating!" she says with a laugh.

I smile at her. Despite everything that has happened between us, I am actually able to be happy for her. "That's good to hear, Chris."

Her face grows more serious and she bites her lip. Clearing her throat, Christina says tentatively, "So, I know this is asking a lot...but... could I please see Andy?"

It takes me a moment to decide; I swore I would never let her near my baby, but I want to believe that we can really let go and move on. So, I nod in agreement and turn the stroller around. Andy has been busy playing with his toys while we were talking.

Christina smiles widely at seeing him. "Wow, Tris! He is beautiful. And he looks exactly like Tobias. I can only imagine how much you both adore this little guy."

I look proudly at my son; he is my heart. And yes, he looks exactly like his daddy. I smile, remembering how happy Tobias was when Andy called him 'Dada' for the first time.

"Actually, I won't say exactly like Tobias, because he has your eyes. He's perfect, Tris." She smiles warmly at him. Andy smiles at her for a moment before his eyes fix on me; he then squeals and reaches for me. I lean down to kiss his chubby little hand before turning back to Christina.

"Thank you, Christina. I've gotta get going, but it was good to see you. I'm glad we had this talk," I say sincerely. "I wish you well in life."

"I feel the same way, Tris." Christina pauses, as though deciding whether or not to continue. "Tris, I just have to tell you... You are a really lucky girl to have Tobias. He is an amazing guy, and more importantly, he adores you. I wish you could really see what is so obvious to everyone around you."

I smile at Christina, and I feel peace. I know in my heart that Tobias Eaton loves me, just as much as I love him. There's nothing and nobody that will ever come between us — never again.

"Trust me when I say that I already know. After everything that he and I have been through, all the good and the bad, I realized it for myself. I don't mean to rub in your face how happy I am, but Tobias and I are solid. I know exactly what I am to him, just as he is the same for me," I say softly.

Christina can't help but see that I'm not scared or insecure anymore when it comes to Tobias.

We wish each other well and say goodbye. I know I was sincere, and I have to believe she was, too.

As I continue to walk through the marketplace with Andy in his stroller, I think about Tobias. I miss him, especially after talking about him so much. He is a good man, and he chose me just as I chose him.

I take some pictures of possible Halloween costumes, unsure of how we should dress. Andy has a great time, and we even stop to have lunch. I smile at my perfect little boy and realize how very happy and lucky I am. Things have changed so much in the last several months. I cringe thinking about James, so thankful that I was able to escape him. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to blindly marry him and then be duped into thinking that Andy was a baby that James had adopted for us. It hurts to think that Tobias would have been left out in the cold, never knowing about his child that had been stolen from us.

I kiss Andy and hug him close before I situate him back into his stroller. We have some more shopping to do, and more costumes to look at.

I smile as an idea formulates. I pick up my cell phone and call Evelyn to ask her if she would please keep Andy at her apartment for a sleepover. She immediately agrees; she is always so happy to take him and spend time with him. She even asks if she can bring him to story time at the library the next morning since I won't be dropping him off with her until later.

I thank her for being so good to him, my voice catching. I can't even believe I am getting emotional. Evelyn actually tells me that she loves all three of us, and is happy to help where she can.

I hang up, grinning, and make my next phone call.

"Hey, Jessica! I need your help with something," I say before explaining my idea over the phone.

"You called the right person, tell me again which marketplace you are at?" Jessica asks, and I quickly tell her. "Perfect, the Southern City Market has gone high tech, so I can pull up the list of stores on my computer. Hold, please!"

I smile to myself, happy to have such a good friend.

I also think about how happy I plan to make Tobias later tonight. He needs some special attention from me.

It's long overdue.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	38. Chapter 38: Promises Made

Chapter 38: Promises Made

Date: Early October +o+ Andy is 1 year old

^^ Later that night ^^

* Tobias POV *

I thank our waitress for the drinks she brought over to the table. I ordered a lemonade for Tris and got Andy's highchair set up, and now I am just waiting for them to arrive at our favorite burger place.

I spent the day with Zeke, running errands and helping Hana with some minor home improvements at her apartment. I enjoyed my time with Zeke and Hana, happy to help out, but I missed Tris and Andy terribly. Tris was so sweet when she called my cell and asked me to meet them for dinner.

"Hey," Tris says, interrupting my thoughts. She is standing beside the table; I didn't even see her walk up.

I immediately stand to hug her and help her and Andy get situated. That's when I notice Andy isn't with her. "Um, where's Andy?" I ask, laughing.

"Well, he's actually with your mom," Tris says. "I wanted to meet, just the two of us. To talk."

"Talk? Okay, sure," I mumble after leaning down to give her a quick peck. I pull out Tris's chair for her. "I'm going to put this high chair back since we won't be needing it."

Taking a sip, Tris says, "Thanks for ordering a lemonade for me. Sorry I was running a little late."

After we place our order, Tris clears her throat softly before beginning to talk. My stomach is suddenly in knots.

"I ran into Christina at the marketplace today, and Andy was with me," Tris says calmly.

My eyebrows knit together in a frown. "Everything go okay? The last time you saw her, when she showed up at our door uninvited, she was being awful." Christina rubbing the stupid sheets in Tris's face pops into my head, and I begin to worry. I'm immediately concerned for Tris, more so since Andy was there, too. "Tris?"

"It was okay. Really," Tris assures me.

Slowly releasing the breath I'd been nervously holding, I gesture for Tris to continue.

"It actually went more than okay. The main thing, the most important thing..." Tris squeezes my hand and leans closer to me. "I felt different when I saw her. I'm not worried anymore."

I can't help my nervousness. "Worried? Did I do something to..."

"Tobias, stop," Tris interrupts me. "The way I felt before, that was because of me. And what matters now is that this time, I didn't feel bad, or weak, or most importantly...less."

Relieved to hear what Tris is saying, I don't push for details. Truth be told, I've already made my peace with Christina and I don't need to know what happened between them. All I care about is how it impacts Tris. If she wants to talk about it, great. If not, that's fine, too.

Tris is calm as she goes through her entire conversation with Christina while I listen carefully.

As she talks, I feel confident for the first time that she really is at peace with my past. I am so proud of how far Tris has come, and I'm grateful that we have made it through the mess and have emerged on the other side, stronger and happier. I can't even imagine losing the life I have now with her and Andy.

"Tobias, I just need you to know that I trust you. Completely," Tris says earnestly. I grin at her as she continues. "I also trust myself to love you and to be with you, always. We are the real thing," Tris murmurs before she leans in to kiss me briefly.

"Thank you for being honest and open with me." I pause, knowing I need to do the same for her. "It means a lot to me."

"Do you remember the night I called you at 3 a.m.?" I ask, causing Tris to cock her eyebrow at me. Like she could forget that.

"I'd like to tell you about my nightmare, and why it screwed me up so much," I say softly, suddenly feeling nervous to talk about this. It has been on my mind and I want to be honest with her.

Tris nods and waits for me to continue.

"That dream was a combination of my worst fears in life. We had fought and broken up in the dream. And the worst part..." I pause to control my breathing, "...was that I almost struck you out of anger."

Tris frowns, her eyes filling with concern, which then worries me. "Tris! I swear to you, it was just a dream. I would never lift a hand to you. I even had a phone session with my therapist from the Bureau," I jabber desperately. I'm so afraid that Tris is going to pull away from me.

"Tobias Eaton, don't be ridiculous! I am not worried you are going to hit me. I'm just sad that you had to deal with such a horrible dream. I trust you and I believe in you," she assures me, tears pooling in her eyes.

I am once again reminded of how much she cares for me and worries about my feelings.

"There is one more part of the dream, and I just need to get it off my chest," I say haltingly. "In my dream, after we broke up — you ended up getting together with Zeke."

"Together?" Her brows furrow in confusion.

"Um, yeah. It was a very graphic and detailed sex dream featuring you and my best friend. And it almost killed me," I admit, recalling how I got sick in the bathroom immediately afterward.

Tris blushes, but says nothing. I'm glad she doesn't ask for details.

"I just need to say it once more: I am so sorry, Tris. Out of all the women out there, I went and settled for your best friend. And I regret it," I say painfully. "That dream... it really shook me up."

Tris sits silently, processing what I've said. Moments pass before she is ready to speak.

"I made a promise to you the night I watched the video footage, before we got our baby back. I forgave you then, Tobias, and I mean it even more now. All that matters to me is what we have together, and our future," she says softly.

"And, I think it's high time we put this behind us. I'm done talking about her, it's time for us to move forward," Tris asserts.

I agree completely. Finally, the Christina issue is in the past and not worth thinking about anymore.

++o++

Tris and I have been kissing almost non-stop since we both finished our meals. Gently biting down on her lower lip, I intensify our kiss. After a few moments, Tris pulls back with a sigh. "We'd better slow down. We don't need to get carried away in a public place again."

The blood rushes to my face remembering the 'incident' while setting up Andy's birthday party. I haven't seen Candice since the party. Tris has, though, and she assured me that Candice is fine. Even more importantly, Candice told Tris that she didn't think Caleb needed to know any details. I couldn't agree more.

"There is one more thing I've been wanting to talk to you about. Is the offer for moving back in together still on the table?" Tris asks sheepishly, her cheeks flushing pink.

I laugh loudly and pull her face to mine, kissing her enthusiastically, and ask, "What do you think?"

We happily agree that she will not renew her lease, and that she'll move back in with me.

"Tobias, I want you to know, this is not a marriage proposal, but... I love you, and one day, I want to get married. When you are ready, of course!" she adds nervously.

My mouth opens slightly; I'm so surprised to hear her say this. "Tris, I'm thrilled you feel that way. I didn't think you were even close to being ready."

"I know. But it was never because of a lack of love. I have always wanted you, and wanted to be with you. Before, there was a part of me that just didn't believe in myself, that didn't think I would be enough for you, and that never thought we would ever get that happy ending," Tris says shakily. "I know that there are no guarantees in life, but what I can promise you is that I will cherish you forever and that I want to make our little family official."

"I make the same promise to you, Tris. I know I'm ready. We can go right now if you want!" I say with a smirk.

I reach over and pull her into my arms for a hug. Tris whispers in my ear that she can't wait to get me into bed, and I groan softly.

"So, I have to admit something: I may have already spoken with Mr. Samuel about you moving back," I say sheepishly. "I wanted to get us on the wait list for one of the larger apartments in my building."

"You did?" Tris looks surprised. "A two bedroom? The building has quite a few of those, we shouldn't have a problem getting one," she finishes.

"Um, actually I was thinking we could get a three bedroom. The monthly rent is not that much more than a two bedroom, and we can definitely afford it," I explain.

"Three bedrooms?! That's a lot of space." Tris looks confused. "What will the third room be for?"

Clearing my throat, I say, "Well, not like tomorrow or anything, but... I just thought it would be nice to have the extra room for when our family grows. I really want us to have another baby someday. And I'm hoping you'll want that, too."

Tris smiles softly before responding. "Yes, Tobias. One day, I will want that, too. When we are ready."

"But for now, we can keep the empty room in the middle between our bedroom and Andy's. Then we can be as loud as we want during sex," I say rationally — that third bedroom is vital.

Tris laughs and kisses me. "I like the sound of that."

Looking at my wristwatch, I motion to our waitress to bring our bill. "Tris, it's getting late. We'd better hurry up and pick up Andy."

"Oh, gee, did I forget to mention that Andy is sleeping at Evelyn's tonight?" Tris teases. My lips part in shock, then a grin creeps onto my face.

Tris appreciates my reaction; there's a glimmer in her eyes. "I'm going to head out now. How about you go get us a bottle of wine, then meet me at my apartment?"

I agree immediately, then lean over to kiss her soft lips. I can't wait to get her home and in bed.

++o++

++o++ ++o++

++o++

Wine in hand, I step off the elevator and walk to Tris's door. Grinning like an idiot, I recall her mischievous look when she suggested I take my time buying the wine. She also told me to use my key and let myself in. I can't help but wonder what Tris has planned for us tonight.

"Tris?" I call out, walking into her apartment. I notice that the lights are down low and numerous candles are lit throughout the room.

Tris steps out of the bathroom wearing sexy lingerie and nothing else. "God, Tris. You look... amazing. Wow," I splutter, feeling my cheeks flush as my eyes rake up and down her body.

Tris's blond hair is hanging down straight and framing her shoulders, and she's wearing a deep purple lace bra and panty set. Although the bra and panty are not skimpy — the bra extends down her midriff — the lace fabric doesn't leave much to the imagination. My body reacts strongly as I stare at the sexy woman I love, my breathing turning rough.

Tris steps closer, her eyes filled with desire. "I always think you look amazing, Tobias. Have I ever told you what part of your handsome face drives me crazy?"

I fidget nervously, shaking my head to say no. My heart is racing with anticipation. Now standing directly in front of me, Tris raises her right hand to caress my face. Her touch sends tingles throughout my entire body, my face flushing with warmth.

"I love every part of you, every inch in fact," she says appreciatively. My lips part, and my dick gets harder and harder as each moment passes.

Tris's thumb caresses my lower lip slowly. "But your gorgeous mouth, Tobias...I must say, it drives me wild." I stand perfectly still, relishing in her touch. "I love the way that your lips break into a smile when you see me. I love the feel of your mouth pressed against mine. I love the little frown you make when you worry about me. I love how your bottom lip is so full, which makes me just want to suck on it."

Tris leans up, kissing me softly and taking my lower lip gently between her teeth

Tris leans up, kissing me softly and taking my lower lip gently between her teeth.

My dick twitches; I can't take not holding her any longer. "I think there is one very important thing you forgot to mention about my mouth," I say while pulling her body roughly against mine, enjoying how she inhales sharply in response.

"Oh? What would that be?" Tris says coyly as I pick her up and walk towards the bed.

"Let me remind you," I whisper while placing her at the edge of her bed. I can't wait to taste her and make her scream for me. I kneel in front of her and lean down to press a firm kiss over her lace panties and against her sweet lips. Tris groans loudly, her hips moving to press against my face.

"Oh, God," she mutters. I smile and begin kissing slowly along the line where her inner thigh meets her heated core. I move my fingers to push aside the lace fabric and gain access. I need to kiss her there. But she stops me, quickly moving to the middle of the bed and away from me. "You have a point, I do love what you do to me with your mouth. But not yet, I need to show you something first."

My eyebrows rise. Tris postponing my mouth on her sex is unheard of. In fact, I think I've created a monster; she loves oral sex so much.

"Take off your shirt," she commands. "Please."

I chuckle as I quickly unbutton my dress shirt and toss it on the floor. "Actually, take it all off," she grins while watching me.

As I am undressing, she runs her hands slowly over the cups of her bra. "Do you like this look?"

"Yes," I growl. Tris is teasing me, running her hands over her body when she knows I want to touch her.

"I had such a hard time deciding what to wear for our special evening," she whispers. "Jessica was a huge help in telling me which store to go to. She also gave me some other very important tips for our evening."

"Oh, yeah?" I ask, now curious. I also contemplate releasing my first Halloween costume-picking rights for Jess's kid — I'm suddenly feeling very generous.

Standing up, Tris takes both my hands and leads me to her bathroom. We enter, and my eyes have to adjust to the darkened bathroom, softly lit by more candles. I notice she has drawn a romantic bath for us, the smell of her bath oils filling my nose. My mind immediately begins to imagine all the things I want to do once we get into the tub.

I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me; her hands rest on my shoulders to keep steady, and our lips meet as we kiss passionately. I want her so badly.

I want her so badly

 

"This bath is for you, my love." Tris finally ushers me towards the tub.

"Wait, what? You aren't coming in with me?" I groan as she nods to confirm. "I would much rather we take a bath together."

I step into the tub and sit down, and Tris uses a sponge to wash my shoulders and chest. Grabbing a washcloth, she slips her hands into the tub and washes my cock. I breathe in and out slowly; the sexual tension is almost unbearable.

I slide my hands to touch her breasts over her sexy bra. "Hey! You're all wet, hands off!" Tris admonishes me with a smirk.

"I need you in this tub," I command, hoping my tone will encourage her. Sometimes she likes it when I am demanding and will give me what I want.

"No. You will wait, and you will enjoy your bath," Tris says firmly. She then smiles and continues with her planned bath experience. She continues to torment me slowly as I struggle to control my lust. I enjoy watching her take care of me while wearing her pretty lace lingerie. I take every opportunity to caress her gently, but only with my fingertips so I don't get bath water on her. I smile, knowing that soon she will give me what we both need and want.

++o++

While helping me dry off, with strict instructions that I not touch her, Tris kisses me lovingly. I groan into her mouth. My cock is firm and jutting away from my body; Tris lowers her eyes to dry it slowly.

"I need you," I hiss, frowning as Tris ignores my pleading. She slowly continues with the task at hand, then leads me out of the bathroom and back towards her bed.

Tris pulls me closer so that I'm standing at the foot of the bed. I'm now in front of her as her lips begin kissing down my stomach. My shaft occasionally brushes against her lace-clad breasts. My breathing is labored as I feel her first massage my hips before moving her hands to my ass and squeezing. I bite my lip, forcing myself to stand still. Finally, Tris sits at the edge of the bed, her face level with my cock, and she begins caressing me.

"Tris," I moan, unable to contain myself as I gently run my fingers through her hair, and stroke her shoulders.

Suddenly, I feel her soft lips pressed against my tip. I gasp and stare down at her as she kisses my dick with her sweet mouth. I stand still, enjoying the experience while desperately trying to remain in control.

I groan as Tris takes the top of me into her mouth, her tongue swirling and sucking on me. One of her hands caresses my balls, the other wraps around the base of my dick. Instinctively, I find myself fisting her hair way too tightly. Tris yelps, and her eyes shoot up to meet mine, her look being a warning.

"Sorry, I lost myself for a moment," I grunt.

Tris smirks at me and then rubs the ridge of my shaft against the top of her front teeth. I can only assume this is her own little warning for me. I shift uncomfortably, and she giggles before sucking on me again.

"Tris, you are killing me," I moan painfully, and she moves her hands to rub my hips, now taking me deep into her mouth and throat.

Fuck, I am so aroused. I want to come in her mouth; I want her to swallow me whole. I close my eyes, moaning as my hips quickly thrust in and out of her mouth two times.

"Shit, sorry!" I hiss, worried that it's too much for her.

Tris sucks until my tip pops out of her mouth. "I like it when you do that, so keep going. Come in my mouth — I want to taste you," she orders. Her command almost puts me over the edge; she is so damned sexy.

I grunt as she takes me in her mouth again. We both begin moving together, my hips thrusting forward while her head bobs up and down. Tris's eyes never leave mine as she watches the power she has over me. She has to see what she is doing to me, she has to see how fucking good this is.

My stomach muscles clench and I groan, "Tris, I'm so close. Don't stop, baby."

My ability to speak is cut short when she sucks harder on my dick. I grab her hair again, careful not to pull too tightly this time as I hold her head, and I quickly thrust in and out. I shout her name as I see stars; the feeling and sound of Tris's mouth on me overcomes me.

"Oh, my God!" I blurt out as Tris smiles at me, a gleam in her eye. "That was amazing. I can't even... Tris... Jesus..." I ramble on incoherently as Tris scoots backwards to lay on the bed.

"Such a glowing review; now come here. Our night is nowhere near being over." Tris smiles at me coyly as her index finger curls to lure me closer to her.

She doesn't need to ask me twice.

++o+ Chapter End +o++

Author's Note: Hi, readers! I wanted to thank you all again for reading Mended vs Settled, and especially to those that take the time to make comments and give stars. It means a lot to me. This story is coming to an end. I have it outlined at 40 chapters and then an epilogue. Just a heads up that the end is near! Thanks again, FourTrisHEA


	39. Chapter 39: Making it Official

Chapter 39: Making it Official

Date: Middle of October +o+ Andy is 1 year old

^^ A Week Later ^^

* Tris POV *

Walking quickly through Millennium Park, I shiver and pull my coat closed. It's one of the cooler days this fall. I love this time of year; it's not winter, but the weather is brisk and sweater-worthy. Looking around the park as I walk, I appreciate the changing colors of the leaves. Tobias and I had a wonderful time enjoying a picnic lunch and pointing out the different colors to Andy this past weekend.

Glancing at the clock on my cell phone, I realize I have a little bit of time before I am to meet Tobias for an early dinner/late lunch. It was just a week ago that I agreed to move back in with him. He was able to negotiate a fast release of my studio lease and his. Mr. Samuel was thrilled to get us into the available three bedroom as soon as possible, commenting that those units can be harder to rent out.

Tobias and I each took a vacation day today, and while Andy is at daycare we have been working nonstop on our move. Zeke is working nights this week, so he was able to help us with the heavy lifting this morning.

My cheeks flush remembering how Tobias and I christened every room in the new apartment this afternoon. As soon as Zeke left, Tobias and I found our way into each other's arms and our frantic lovemaking began. I don't think I will ever look at the kitchen counter without remembering all the things he did while taking me against it.

"Tris! Hi, I wasn't expecting to see you out and about. How did the move go?" Johanna Reyes asks, she and I almost running into each other as we turn a corner on the street.

I smile warmly at her. "Johanna, hello. The move went well. It's good to see you. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk more at Andy's birthday party."

"Nonsense, I could see how busy you were at the party. That baby you and Tobias have is absolutely gorgeous." Johanna then chuckles. "We keep asking Tobias to bring Andy by the office for a visit."

I laugh, knowing that Tobias would never want to bring Andy to work. He doesn't like attention on himself, which is exactly what would happen if he brought Andy in.

"I'm looking forward to my one on one with Tobias tomorrow. I'm sure he told you that I want to discuss his role in my organization," Johanna says while searching my face.

Keeping my tone neutral, I respond, "Yes, he did." I decide to try interjecting a joke. "It's the main reason he won't be taking tomorrow off from work as well as today."

My joke makes Johanna laugh.

"Well, let me assure you, Tobias is a true asset to my team. I know things for him have really slowed down now that the election is over, but he knows that I will always have a place for him in my organization," she assures me.

I wonder if Johanna has been able to sense the unrest that Tobias feels at work. It is something we have been discussing a lot in the last two weeks. Now that the election is over, Tobias is feeling unfulfilled in his role. It is a much larger issue than things just being slow around the office.

Part of moving back in together involved sitting down and poring over our finances. We have both been making good money, and the free daycare through my position really helps. It turns out that a three bedroom apartment in our building ends up costing less than two separate studios. We have been saving, and now that we have made a budget we will be able to save even more.

"Well, as we just moved in together I am glad to hear that Tobias is doing well at work!" I say smoothly.

We both laugh, and I finish by saying, "In all seriousness, I am glad you and Tobias will have this meeting tomorrow. I know he has the utmost respect for you and all you have accomplished for the city."

We chat for a few more minutes before I need to excuse myself. I have a handsome date waiting for me.

+++o+++

Entering the 24-hour diner a few blocks away from our apartment, I remember the first time I came here. It was very early in the morning, and I had been sick to my stomach with nerves. Nervous about the tasks ahead of me and telling Tobias my suspicions.

"If you get there before I do, make sure you get a table in the back that's away from the windows."

At the time, Tobias was on his last nerve and had almost sent me away without letting me explain. He finally relented and asked me to meet him here. Thankfully, he heard me out, and the moment I explained what I was facing, he was on my side, supporting me.

I'm not that surprised to find the diner empty: it's a weekday, and 3:30 p.m. is really early for dinner. I'm starving, though, because we worked our way thru lunch and then built up quite the appetite.

"Tris," Tobias calls my name and stands up, walking over to lean down and press his lips to mine. "I have our table, come with me."

As he pulls me into his side and kisses my temple, I snuggle in closer to him, humming appreciatively. Although all of the tables at the front of the diner are open, he leads me to the rear. That's when I notice the far back table, the same one we sat at last time, and I stop in my tracks to take in all of the details.

That's when I notice the far back table, the same one we sat at last time, and I stop in my tracks to take in all of the details

A crisp white tablecloth with sprinkled rose petals, a centerpiece of candles, and two glasses of champagne decorate the table. Glancing up at Tobias, I see he is watching me intently, a slight blush touching his cheeks.

Clearing his throat nervously, he says, "I hope this isn't too much, but I wanted to do something special for you. For us, I mean..."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod to encourage him — I love it.

"Well, I was planning to eat first, and then make a toast. But I am really nervous, so change of plans!" Tobias blurts out, holding my hands in his. I can feel how nervous and excited he is.

My hands tremble as Tobias gets down on one knee, pulling a black jewelry box out of his pants pocket.

It isn't until our eyes lock that we both relax, neither of us nervous any longer. Bringing my hands to his lips, Tobias kisses them sweetly before talking. "I chose this diner because it reminds me of the day you walked back into my life for real, as opposed to the time we spent arguing, or turning away, or hurting ourselves and each other while at the Bureau. I feel like the day you came back to me was the day you turned to me, above everyone else, to help you."

The emotion is thick in his voice. "You came back to me, and you changed my life in a way I had given up on hoping would ever happen. Not only did I get you back, I learned of the great possibility that we had created a child during our one night together. We put all of the hurt behind us, immediately became a team, and found our way back to each other."

My lip trembles as tears wet my eyes, and I blink furiously to stop from crying. I remember that day so well, I was so lost and scared. And even though I had cruelly pushed him away again and again...the moment I needed someone the most, I knew he was the only person I could count on.

Opening the ring box to show me the most radiant diamond ring I have ever seen, Tobias bites his lower lip nervously.

"I love you, Tris Prior. Will you marry me?" Tobias ask, his eyes burning into me.

Leaning down to kiss him, tears stream down my face. "Yes, Tobias. Yes!"

After slipping the engagement ring onto my finger, he stands up and pulls me tightly into his arms. Our mouths crash together as we kiss passionately. My heart flutters; I am so happy I will be marrying the man I love.

We slide into the same side of the booth and continue our sweet kisses. Tobias confesses he ordered our food already and that it will be here soon. I laugh and kiss him, reminding him that I'm starving.

"Um, yeah! I was all nervous about proposing and setting this up, all while getting your text messages warning me not to be late because you would eat without me!" Tobias teases me.

I imagine Tobias getting some of my texts in the last hour while putting all of this together and I burst into giggles. I had no idea he would be proposing today. He pulled off the perfect surprise.

"I know we just got engaged, but I have to tell you — I want to get married as soon as possible. I can't wait for you to be my wife," Tobias whispers seriously.

"I feel the same way. I can't wait, either," I respond without hesitation.

"I can't explain it, but I have always imagined a small wedding. Just the two of us," he says quietly. His eyes study me for a reaction.

I close my eyes to imagine the wedding before I speak. "Tobias, that sounds perfect to me. We could even do a small, casual celebration later. I'd be very happy if it was just the two of us." I laugh at the way his eyes light up.

We enjoy our meal and sip our champagne, talking happily about our future. As Tobias settles the bill and pulls me to my feet he twirls me around.

"I have one more surprise for you," Tobias says.

Arching an eyebrow, I reply, "I can't imagine what else you could come up with!"

"We have a couple of hours before we need to pick up Andy from daycare," Tobias points out. "Would you like to go to the jewelry store and pick out our wedding bands?"

Nodding yes, I lean up and kiss him. "Thank you, Tobias."

The tips of his ears get red. "For what?"

"For being you, for loving me. Thank you for making me the happiest I have ever been," I say with conviction.

"You do all of the same things for me," Tobias says. "This is just the beginning, Tris. We have our entire lives ahead of us: you, me, Andy and hopefully more children one day."

Thanking the owner of the diner as we walk out hand in hand, we walk to the small jewelry shop near our offices downtown.

Tobias and I pick out gold bands that match the classic simplicity of my engagement ring. My heart flutters watching Tobias try on wedding rings, reminding me of my father. For a moment, I allow myself to miss my parents. I know they would be happy for me. I do miss them, so very much. Smiling at Tobias, I am thankful that his mother is in our life now. Our children will have at least one grandparent to dote on them. I will hold on to the comfort that my parents' mutual love and respect for one another is something I see clearly in my relationship with Tobias. It is an example I believe we will share with Andy and any future children.

+++o+++

+++o+++ +++o+++

^^ Two Days Later ^^

*Tobias POV*

I nervously recheck the marriage license that Tris and I applied for yesterday. It's only the eighth time I've reviewed it. We needed to wait one full day before being able to exchange our vows at City Hall. I am standing in front of the building waiting for Tris to arrive. She insisted on sleeping apart and getting ready at our apartment alone, then meeting me here. I crashed at Zeke's last night as a result.

Tris and I are finally getting married today. After everything we've been through to get here, I am both nervous and excited!

Glancing at my watch, I see that Tris is a few minutes late. Not long enough for me to be concerned, but I really need to see her.

After we picked out our wedding bands on Wednesday afternoon, we couldn't stop looking at them all evening long. Both of us admitted that we couldn't wait until we actually got married. It was late that night, well after Andy was asleep, that we decided we didn't want to wait at all. So, we hopped on the computer to look up the hours for the Bureau of Vital Statistics, and decided to take an early lunch and get our marriage license the very next day. From that moment on, everything fell into place.

Yesterday, my morning meeting with Johanna went well; she discussed some ideas for future positions that I am still considering. As we were wrapping up, I told Johanna that Tris and I were getting the license and planned to elope this Saturday morning. I also explained that it would just be the two of us, and that's why no one from work was invited.

I've never seen such a huge smile appear on Johanna's face. She reminded me how close she was with Tris's parents, and that she was so happy for us both. She then gave me Friday and Monday off, and asked me to consider accepting a wedding gift for Tris and me: she wanted to arrange for us to have a weekend honeymoon in Amity.

Tris was ecstatic when I told her the good news while we were at the Clerk's office. Thankfully, after Evelyn's and Caleb's initial shock about us planning to elope passed, they agreed to share babysitting duties for Andy for the long weekend.

So, here I am, standing in front of City Hall and waiting for my bride on a Friday morning. The rings seem to be burning a hole in my pocket. I can't wait to officially make Tris Prior my wife.

I smile when I see Zeke's police car pull up. Turning his hazards on, he jumps out to run around and open the car door for Tris. He had given me hell for the last twenty-hours because he won't be there to see me get married. I also refused a bachelor party, which really set him off. In the end, he understood that simple and private is what Tris and I want for our wedding. It's not meant as a slight against our family and friends.

Zeke and his partner were happy to give Tris a ride this morning, since she would be wearing a fancy dress and I didn't want her walking through downtown alone. My breath catches in my throat as I see the woman I adore step out of the car.

Tris looks absolutely stunning, and the moment our eyes meet, we both just stare. We are oblivious to anything or anyone else around us.

"Tris," I whisper while looking her up and down.

"Tobias." She blushes. "Do you like it? Sherri wasn't exaggerating, it looks exactly like a wedding dress!"

I laugh as Tris playfully does a small twirl. When her coworker, Sherri, heard we were eloping today, she demanded that Tris stop by her apartment and take a look at her collection of bridesmaid dresses, mentioning she had a couple that were ivory. Sherri insisted that Tris take one if she found the right one.

I've never seen her look more radiant. Her hair is pulled away from her face in a loose bun, her eyes are bright, and the dress fits her perfectly. It's a soft ivory color, form-fitting on the top and then flaring out at the waist. I am wearing my black suit for the occasion.

"Tris Prior, you are the most gorgeous woman I will ever know," I murmur against her ear, making her smile and laugh. I lean in and kiss her emphatically, until Zeke interrupts us.

"Okaaay, that's my cue to go and leave you two lovebirds to it!" Zeke huffs. I reluctantly step away from Tris, and Zeke gives me a tight hug and a slap on the back. "I'm so happy for you, Four," he mumbles in my ear.

Zeke gives Tris a gentle kiss on the cheek before returning to his squad car and resuming his patrol. I slip my hand into Tris's, pecking her lips before we both turn to wave goodbye to Zeke and his partner.

"Are you ready? Not that I would let you back out now," I tease while squeezing her hand in mine.

"I'm so ready, let's do this!" Tris squeals as I pick her up and twirl her around mid-sentence.

"Okay, I have one last thing to do. Come with me," I demand while her eyes light up. I have never seen Tris look so carefree and happy.

I lead her to the floral shop at the corner and nod at the owner. As he sees us walk up, he hands Tris the bouquet his floral arranger helped me design for her. Tris blushes while holding the bouquet to her face and smelling the fragrance of the beautiful flowers.

"I love it, thank you!" she whispers while planting kisses on my mouth between each word.

"Nothing but the best for my beautiful bride. Let's go get married!" I say with a grin, and we walk hand in hand into City Hall to make it official.

Let's go get married!" I say with a grin, and we walk hand in hand into City Hall to make it official

+++o+++

"Mrs. Eaton, I can't even tell you how thrilled I am to be getting away with you." I smirk while pulling Tris close to me in the elevator. "I'll miss Andy, but I can't wait to get to Amity for our honeymoon."

"What time is the car coming?" Tris asks with a mischievous look, slipping her hands under my jacket to caress my back before squeezing my ass.

"Not until five-thirty; it's the car Johanna uses for all of her work meetings during the day. We will be her driver's last run of the evening." I grin. "So, we have plenty of time, my dear wife."

Unlocking the door to enter our apartment, Tris leads me directly to our bedroom. "I'm glad we have time, I want the first time we make love as husband and wife to be in our own bed."

We kiss slowly as I help her unzip her dress, and then I watch as she carefully slides out of it. Her hands help me undress as well.

As Tris lies below me, I taste every inch of her slowly, worshiping her body. Tris sighs as my lips find her breasts. I pay equal attention to each nipple as I enthusiastically tease and lick them. The little noises she makes spur me on.

We move leisurely, enjoying the time we have to caress and arouse each other. I lower my mouth to give Tris what she especially desires. As she pants and writhes under me, I concentrate on pleasuring her and making her lose herself again and again.

When I can't take much more, I move up her body until my lips are kissing her tenderly. I groan in her ear as she pushes her body against mine, encouraging me to take her.

"Oh God, yes, Tobias!" she cries as I take her with one powerful thrust.

Our lovemaking is passionate and tender, and we stare into each other's eyes as our bodies move together for the first time as husband and wife.

+++o+++

^^ Honeymoon in Amity ^^

I'm sitting in the backseat of the car, enjoying the passing scenery as Tris leans into my side. I'm so grateful that Johanna gave us this gift. She assured me that I was going to be very happy with the cabin she reserved for our honeymoon. She used the words quaint and private to describe it.

Running my fingertips up and down Tris's arm, I can feel her shiver against me. "Thank you," I say before kissing her temple.

Turning her head to gaze into my eyes, she asks, "Thank you? For what?"

"The truth is, even when we first dated, I dreamt of forever with you. Losing you...it changed me. It changed me in ways I didn't think I would ever recover from. But now, I see that as long as we are together, things will be okay," I admit while wiping a tear away from Tris's cheek. My confession is making her weepy. "And now you have given me the perfect wedding day. Just the two of us. I want you to know how grateful I am."

"Perfect? So... the first time around, you pictured us getting married with a toddler?" Tris teases while planting kisses along my jaw.

Chuckling, I reply, "Um, no. I honestly never dreamed we would have a baby before being married. But I wouldn't change a thing. I have to believe we appreciate the family we have even more because of all we have been through to get here."

"I agree. Although we took a different path then I ever imagined, I am exactly where I want to be," Tris says with confidence.

"Me too, Tris. Me too," I say before raising her chin to face me and devouring her mouth with a kiss.

+++o+++

"Tobias, it's perfect!" Tris gasps as she takes in the cabin, her hand pressed to her chest

"Tobias, it's perfect!" Tris gasps as she takes in the cabin, her hand pressed to her chest. She is right to be stunned. Johanna wasn't exaggerating when she predicted we would love it. The small wooden cabin sits at the top of a hill, surrounded by lush greenery. The lights from the cabin create a soft, romantic glow against the dusky night sky. The cabin is situated at the very far side of Amity's territory, with no one around for many miles.

"I'm just glad we packed light!" I joke while carrying the backpack Tris and I are sharing. The road ended earlier, forcing us to hike in for the last mile. Johanna had warned me, so we knew to dress warmly and bring flashlights.

"Well, it is our honeymoon. It's not like we needed to pack a lot of clothes," Tris teases while pinching my butt.

"Watch it, Mrs. Eaton, or we may not make it into the cabin before I ravish you," I warn her. I can't wait to pounce on her.

Quickly making it up the last incline, I pull out the cabin key the driver gave us. Johanna arranged for our cabin to be stocked with food and supplies. Opening the front door, I slip off the backpack and toss it inside. I turn to Tris and kiss her passionately before picking her up and playfully throwing her over my shoulder before rushing inside. Tris squeals with laughter, demanding I put her down.

"Before we get down to business, I want to look around, got it?" She grins while playfully slipping out of my grasp.

I groan, following her around the cabin like a puppy as she takes her sweet time exploring. Our accommodations for the next three nights are great, but I am eager to make love to my wife. The cabin has a small back bedroom with a decent-sized bed, and the front has an open floor plan with a kitchen, small dining area, and a living room that opens to a side porch with an amazing view of Amity.

Entering the kitchen and perusing the pantry, Tris asks me if I would like her to make us dinner. Now I know she is teasing me.

"Enough, Tris. No more games," I growl, stepping closer to her. Her grey-blue eyes flare with lust as I approach her. Her playful demeanor melts away as her gaze travels up and down my body. She must see the desire in my eyes.

"No more games," Tris whispers while my hands pull open her jacket, sliding it down her shoulders and letting it fall to the ground.

Her lips part as her gaze concentrates on my mouth, her hands suddenly on my hips and pulling me closer to her. In one swift movement, I pull off her shirt and then work on unhooking her bra. Tris pulls my shirt off as well. My mouth suckles on each nipple desperately; I can't get enough of her. Tris makes a frustrated sound as she grapples with my belt buckle before successfully unzipping my jeans.

"Come on," I mumble, guiding Tris towards the bedroom as we make out frantically. Midway there, she hops into my arms as my hands grip her butt. Her legs wrap around my waist, and I rush us to our room. "Babe, I need you," I say hoarsely.

Tris wiggles out of my grasp and then steps back as she slowly undoes her pants, sliding them down along with her underwear. She looks at my pants expectantly. I snap out of my stupor and quickly undress.

"I really enjoyed making love earlier," Tris whispers while kissing me and pressing her naked body against mine. "But, that's not what I need right now."

"No?" I tease, my hands palming the underside of each of her breasts, kneading them as my thumbs trace the edges of her rosy buds. Tris pushes her chest harder against my hands. Not giving in, I continue to tease her lightly, building up her desire.

Suddenly, she pushes my hands away, my confused look only encouraging her confidence. She retreats away from me deliberately until the backs of her knees hit the bed. I watch her slowly slide up the bed, then turn to rise up on her knees and open her legs, her pink lips exposed and glistening with wetness, and her face now hidden in the pillows. She's practically inviting me to fuck her.

"I really enjoyed making love earlier. But, that's not what I need right now."

I lunge forward, grasping her butt cheeks and roughly spreading them farther apart as I bend to put my mouth on her sex. Surprised, Tris gasps momentarily before she shudders against my mouth. I push my tongue inside of her, the enticing taste of her arousal filling my mouth; I then suck and pull at her flesh gently with my teeth. My hands pin her down as she bucks and squirms while crying out loudly. Her orgasm comes quickly, her voice muffled by the pillow.

I can't take much more; the heat and taste of her are overwhelming me. Thinking about her words, knowing she wants me to take her hard and rough, stokes my desire. I want to mount her and make her scream my name. My cock is now painfully hard as I stroke myself. Tris has pushed herself up a little and turned her head, watching me touch myself, her eyes dark with lust. I can't wait any longer.

"Tris," I mumble after planting a wet kiss on her butt cheek. "Hold on, baby," I warn her.

Her back arches as she pushes her ass towards me, and I glide my palm up her back to twist her hair in my fist. I drive into her fast and deep. Her body yields under the force, crushing her upper body into the mattress. Tris cries out and moans as her slick walls accept me and then tighten around me; she has never felt better. I don't hesitate in giving her what we both want. I take her hard and fast. She makes a strangled noise with each thrust, her hands clawing at the comforter as she braces herself.

I'm like a man possessed, grunting as hot waves of pleasure wash over me. In this moment, it is just Tris and me, locked together in a rapid fucking frenzy.

"Oh...don't stop. Never stop!" Tris cries, and I tighten my hold on her hair and waist to pull her into me as I now pound almost violently.

I feel her flutter around me, her core clenching and releasing. She screams my name, pushing up off her hands and leaning back into my arms as she climaxes. I hold her tightly against my chest, roughly kneading her tits causing her to whimper as she shakes in my arms. My hips continue snapping violently — I desperately need to come. Pulling her hair aside to expose her soft skin, I bite her neck; within seconds, my dick jerks and releases my seed inside of her.

My heart is thundering as I lose control and fall over, collapsing on top of Tris and pushing us both into the bed. Tris wriggles out from under me to lie next to me, tucked into my side as we both gasp for air. I look down at her and our eyes meet; there's a look of smug satisfaction and amazement on her face.

After a few moments, I roll over heavily onto my side, facing her. Reaching over to cup her flushed face, her satisfied gaze warms my heart. We kiss slowly, holding each other. I know I will never feel for anyone the way that I feel for her. I cherish making love to her, but holy shit, I really appreciate the times when we both just want to fuck hard.

My fingers trace the flaming red welt on the far side of her neck. I scowl suddenly, mad at myself for losing control and marking her so roughly as though I'm some kind of rabid dog.

"Don't make that face. It's okay, I liked it," Tris whispers shyly. Her fingers trace the mark my bite left. "I liked it a lot."

I gulp, nodding in concession, but I know I never want to do it again.

"I love it here," Tris says quietly, changing the subject. "I can scream as loud as I need to. It's so..."

"Secluded? Yeah, I love it, too," I say. I lean forward to kiss her nose, my earlier anxiety forgotten. "Tris?"

"Hmmm?"

"Could you be happy living out here?" I chuckle as Tris's eyes widen while looking around the cabin. "I don't mean this cabin! I mean getting away from the city and living in the country."

Not answering either way, she smiles and searches my eyes, trying to decipher where I am going with this.

"In the letter I wrote to you when we were at the Bureau, do you remember the part about my dream of what I wanted our lives to look like after we completed our mission?" Tris nods her head to acknowledge that she remembers. I know that she still rereads my letter on occasion. "I imagined living in a place where I could work with my hands. No more weapons; instead, I want to work with more productive tools — screwdrivers, nails and shovels. I can envision how peaceful it would be to live a simple life out here."

I look at her nervously, suddenly feeling the pressure of my question. Could she be happy living a simple life with me?

She presses her palm to my cheek before gently kissing me, then leans her forehead against mine. "Tobias Eaton, as long as we are together, with our son, I could be happy anywhere. You have my heart, forever."

Shaking my head in relief, I press my lips to her mouth. "I love you, Tris."

"I love you too," she whispers while running her hands up and down my back. "Now, husband, I want to talk about that romantic picnic and hike you promised me for tomorrow."

I laugh while squeezing her tightly to me. I am the happiest I've ever been.

++o+ Chapter End +o++


	40. Chapter 40: Celebrations (The End)

Chapter 40: Celebrations

Date: End of October +o+ Andy is 1 year old

* Tobias POV *

"Do we really need to do this?" I ask Tris sullenly. "It's cruel; I'm used to our alone time from our honeymoon in Amity. Now I'm being forced to share you with others?!"

As she finishes pulling up the zipper of her dress, Tris playfully rolls her eyes, then smirks at me before answering.

"Yes. We absolutely need to do this. Your mother and Caleb went to a lot of trouble to set up this dinner," Tris admonishes me while looking in the master bathroom mirror and putting her earrings on. "Besides, we had the wedding we wanted. We got married alone, even though we knew it was hard on our family and friends."

Sighing in defeat, I nod to agree with her. Tris is right. "Well, do we know who's coming? I really hope Evelyn didn't go overboard and invite too many people!"

"Babe, it's going to be fine. I think she heard you the three times you demanded she keep it small. It's just a nice dinner to celebrate with close family and friends," she says while sliding closer to me. Tris's arms wrap around my waist and she kisses my jaw. "Besides, as soon as dinner is over we get to come home, pay the babysitter, make sure Andy is sleeping soundly, and then you and I will have all evening to enjoy alone time."

"Hmmm, okay. That does sound really nice. It gives me something to look forward to," I say as my hands travel lower to squeeze her butt. She hums appreciatively as I massage her, my hands steadily getting bolder.

Leaning down to suck on her neck, I feel my arousal building. I pull her even closer so she can feel my excitement pressing against her stomach while my hands begin to move her hips against me.

"Tobias! Stop, please. You are getting me all hot and bothered, and Ms. Lisa will be here any minute to babysit." To make her point, she slides her fingertips along the large bulge at the front of my pants. "I don't really want Andy's daycare teacher to arrive and see that my husband has a huge hard-on!"

"Why not? Are you worried she will judge you for not taking care of me?" I challenge her.

"I don't take care of you? Is that so?" Tris says slowly, her eyes narrowing.

Without any words, Tris unzips the front of my pants while simultaneously kneeling in front of me.

"Shit, Tris. I was only joking, and Ms. Lisa will be here any — oh my God!" I groan loudly as Tris's luscious lips suddenly wrap around me.

Her eyes lock with mine, and she looks smug as I relinquish all control. Bracing myself against the bathroom counter, I lose myself as Tris expertly and quickly gets me to euphoria.

++o++

"Evelyn, Caleb, this is incredible. We can't thank you enough," I say sincerely as I reach out to give my mother a small hug. A moment of surprise flashes across her face, quickly replaced by a wide smile. It's true, aside from Tris and Andy, I rarely initiate physical contact with anyone. I don't blame her for being caught off guard.

As Tris pulls out of the hug she shared with Caleb, she turns to smile at me, her eyes bright and happy. "Tobias is right — you both really outdid yourselves. Everything is wonderful," Tris compliments while taking in the room again.

They reserved the back room at a nice, family-owned restaurant in downtown Chicago. The room is perfect: music is playing softly, the lighting is low, there are flowers on each table, and there is even a small dance floor. So far, we are the only ones here. Evelyn wanted us to arrive first so that she and Caleb could spend some time alone with us before the other guests arrive.

"We know that our family is small, but we are all a family nonetheless. I was able to spend some time with Caleb, babysitting Andy while you were in Amity, and together we found peace with not being there when you exchanged vows." Evelyn's voice trembles slightly. "Being able to do this for you both means a lot to us. And yes, son, I did keep the guest list small!"

We all chuckle, and Tris slides closer to me and kisses my cheek. She looks content, and I realize that I am pretty content, too.

"I never dreamed I'd see Tobias so happy, and it's because of you, Tris. And Andy plays a huge role, too!" Evelyn says emotionally as we smile at her. "It's time for the party to start, so we will leave you to welcome guests as they arrive."

Greeting friends, Tris and I stand at the entrance to our small party room, smiling and thanking everyone for their well wishes and congratulations as they walk in. Evelyn told us earlier that Jessica and Michelle were unable to make the trip, but they sent their love.

When Hana, Zeke's mother, enters, I am filled with warmth at seeing her. There was a time when I could only think of Uriah's death and feel guilt when I saw her, but we are past that now. While living in Chicago and mourning Tris, I found that Hana was a huge comfort to me. I was honest with her about my errors while at the Bureau, and how deeply I regretted it all. She understood and forgave me, truly knowing that I would never have hurt her son by choice.

"Hana, thank you for coming," Tris smiles as Hana gently puts a hand to her cheek. "It means a lot to us," Tris finishes.

"Sweet girl, every time I see you I feel happy. I feel joy in knowing that Four was given a second chance with the great love of his life," Hana says to Tris while pulling me into a quick hug.

"Thank you, Hana. Is Zeke here?" Tris asks, looking out into the hallway.

With a small smirk, Hana says, "Zeke is coming separately. Caleb gave him the okay to bring a date. I'm sure they will be here soon."

My brows rise in surprise. I had no idea Zeke was dating again, let alone seriously enough to bring someone to this dinner. My curiosity is piqued. Hana just smiles as she continues into the room.

"Tobias, Tris, I want to introduce you to someone," Evelyn says, interrupting my thoughts. I notice immediately that Evelyn looks very nervous. "Someone who is very special to me."

Standing in front of us is Evelyn and an older man. I notice they are holding hands, tightly. I assume by the way they are standing together so closely that they are romantic and very comfortable with each other. I don't know exactly how I feel about my mother dating. I don't even know why I feel conflicted, I just know that I do.

I say nothing and just stand there, my Four mask in place. It is Tris who finally takes over the conversation and fills in the uncomfortable silence by chirping a friendly hello.

"This is my boyfriend, Ned. This is my son and his wife, Tobias and Tris," my mother introduces us, her voice shaking slightly. If I wasn't so shocked and uncomfortable, I would feel sorry for her.

"It's very nice to meet you," Tris says, speaking for us both. Ned returns her warm greeting, while I barely manage to get a nod out.

Evelyn clears her throat before ushering Ned away. Tris gives my mother an encouraging smile. The moment they are out of earshot, Tris turns to me.

"So, what was that?" she whispers. "Does it bother you that your mother is dating?"

Breathing in and out to calm myself and think, I don't answer Tris right away. She just smiles and wraps her arms around me, giving me the time that I need to articulate an answer. I hug her back, grateful that we have a few moments to ourselves as most of our guests have already arrived.

"No. I don't begrudge Evelyn's dating, I just... it just hit me how much it worries me," I frown. "Sometimes, I am still that terrified kid that had a front row seat to her and Marcus."

Tris's eyes are full of compassion as she places her hand on my cheek, our connection helping to calm me. "That's perfectly understandable. I know it's easy for me to say, but things have changed. Just like you are a different person, so is Evelyn," Tris then laughs. "I would be afraid for this Ned guy if he tried to mess with your mother. Evelyn has certainly learned how to take care of herself."

Meeting Tris's eyes, I see a sarcastic smirk on her face; I'm guessing she's remembering Evelyn's ruthlessness during her short time in power.

We both snicker briefly, then inhale deeply. Blowing the air out of my lungs steadily, I can feel the tension I was holding release from my body. God, I got so riled up, and somehow Tris was able to quickly help me calm down and relax.

"Thank you," I whisper in her ear while guiding us out of the party room into the dark hallway at the back of the restaurant.

"Why are you thanking—" Tris asks just before my lips roughly crash against hers. I kiss her hard, pulling her as close to me as possible. She is frozen for a moment, but then she responds enthusiastically. She emits a small moan and throws her arms around me, pushing her body closer to mine.

"Thank you for being you, and being the person that is there for me when I need it. No one can calm me down or make me feel better the way that you do," I say while peppering her face with kisses as she giggles.

"It's my pleasure," Tris laughs before meeting my lips with vigor.

"Whoa, you two really are newlyweds. You lasted what? Less than fifteen minutes at your own wedding celebration?" Zeke admonishes us as he walks down the hallway towards the party room. My face flushes, and I put Tris back down on the floor. I turn to look at Zeke, eager to see who his date is.

My mouth falls open when I see that Shauna is on Zeke's arm. Wow, I didn't see that coming.

"You were right, Zeke. Four is shocked to see me!" Shauna says while smiling warmly at both Tris and me. "Four, I've missed you. I am really happy to celebrate your marriage with you both."

"I'm happy to see you, Shauna. Surprised to see you with Zeke, but in a good shock kind of way. So, you two..." I don't know how to ask, Tris squeezing my hand to warn me not to put my foot in my mouth.

"We had a really rough patch, but we have found our way back to each other. Now, things are better than ever," Zeke says happily. I'm thrilled for my friends — both of them.

"Zeke's right. Honestly, it took me dating someone else to realize that no one was going to make me as happy as he does," Shauna says softly, staring at Zeke with admiration. I haven't seen her look at him that way in a very long time.

I put my arm around Tris. "I understand completely," I say while kissing her temple.

"We are happy for you both," Tris says kindly as Shauna gives her a hug.

As the girls walk into the party room, Zeke grabs my arm, "One sec?"

"Of course." I smile at my best friend.

"I just want to tell you again how happy I am for you and Tris," he says. "Seeing the two of you muddle through the bad and good really showed me that the right person is worth the effort."

"You know I have always cared about both you and Shauna. I'm glad you two are back together."

"Me, too. And the best part is, she is willing to give me time. She told me that she sees clearly that I am worth the wait, which is what I needed from her," Zeke finishes.

"Hana must be happy." I smile as we enter the room to see Candice talking with Shauna and Tris, all three laughing.

"Um, yeah. My mom started sobbing happy tears when I told her who my date would be tonight." Zeke chuckles. "Mom was the one to insist I make a night of it with Shauna, so she elected to come here separately."

As we all sit down to enjoy the meal and celebrate, I glance over at Tris. She is radiant and all smiles. As we both feel under the microscope, we try to tone down our physical contact. Zeke has found a new and obnoxious game: clinking his glass with a fork and demanding we kiss. I'm sure he can see my death look each time, which only encourages him to keep going. He especially enjoys telling me to kiss like I mean it. I may kill him later.

When Caleb stands up to give his toast, he starts with a joke about how extremely happy he is to celebrate this evening because it also signifies the end of our honeymoon — and that we can now take Andy back. Tris rolls her eyes, but smiles. He then goes on to tell some funny stories of mischievous things Andy did while we were away, everyone laughing along at Andy's antics.

"Andy is becoming a handful, we can't deny that," Tris whispers as her nose gently touches my cheek. I close my eyes, not caring about any toasts or party. I just want to get home, check on our son, and be with my wife.

"No, we can't. He is a handful, just like his mom," I tease. "And I can't wait to get home and use my hands on you."

Losing ourselves, we kiss passionately, only to be interrupted by the jeers and laughter of our guests. I was so fixated on Tris that I completely zoned out to what was happening around us.

"Well, now that we have their attention again," Evelyn laughs, her cheeks flushing. I'm sure seeing her son in a heated kiss in the middle of a small party is not ideal for her. "Tobias and Tris, we are inviting you to kick off the dance portion of this party."

My eyes widen; I had no idea we would be dancing. Tris smiles sweetly at me, looking excited. I immediately push my hesitation aside and beam at her. Grabbing her hand and leading her to the small dance floor, I tell her, "I have no idea how to dance!"

"Neither do I, but it's our party so we can suck and it doesn't matter," Tris says softly. "Just hold me, and we'll be okay."

"You're right, as long as I have you in my arms, we will be okay," I croon in her ear as the music starts and I hold her close for our first dance.

++o++

"Is Andy still asleep?" Tris asks guiltily when I get back into the room.

I lie down on our bed. "Yes, by some miracle that kid slept through your loud screams of ecstasy," I tease her, laughing and pulling her close to me.

"Humph, well you repeatedly knocking our dresser against the wall as you pounded into me wasn't any quieter!" Tris counters.

"Like I said, getting a three bedroom apartment and having that buffer was necessary," I remind her. "You should listen to me more often. I'm very wise."

Tris giggles and buries her face in my neck. I marvel at how she fits so perfectly against me, as though we were made for each other.

"Did I tire you out?" I whisper while rubbing small circles on her lower back.

"Yes, but in a really good way, Tobias." Tris sighs. "I am not complaining."

"I love you," I say seriously. So seriously that Tris sits up so she can look me in the face. "I hope you know that."

"Tobias," she whispers as her fingertips push a wisp of my hair out of my face. "I know — trust me, I know."

She leans down to kiss me softly and my heart feels full. "I love you, Tobias Eaton," Tris says before her lips resume kissing softly across my jaw.

"Have you thought more about having another baby?" Tris suddenly blurts out. I can actually feel her holding her breath as she waits for me to answer.

"You must know that I've wanted a second baby for a while now. So, yeah, it's something I have thought about," I admit. "I just imagine what it would be like to have a little girl to spoil. Or another boy, of course. Either way, a sibling for Andy to play with. What are you thinking, Tris?"

It takes her a moment to answer. I smile into her hair and continue to rub her back.

"I've been thinking about it as well. My new doctor's office called me to schedule my yearly exam. They also wanted to remind me that my one year birth control shot would expire by April at the latest," Tris shares, still not revealing what she's thinking.

"And? I'm guessing you would need to get another shot sooner than April, if that's what we decide we want," I say carefully. I completely respect that Tris has the final decision, but it does impact our family.

"Would you be okay with that?" she asks quietly.

"Tris, we have forever. If you aren't ready, then that means that we aren't ready for another baby. I know that when the time is right, we'll be in agreement to try for a second child," I say calmly, not wanting to pressure her in any way.

"You are amazing. How did I get so lucky?" She sighs as I finish rubbing her lower back, my hands moving to squeeze her ass, which makes her gasp.

"Don't know. All I do know is that we belong together."

"I know that I don't want to do another birth control shot, and I am pretty sure that come April I will be ready to have another baby. Or... at least I'll be ready to talk seriously about it. Andy will be one and a half years old at that point," she says with confidence.

"Well, then, we'll decide at that time," I say agreeably before continuing. "But — full disclosure — I am ready now!"

Tris laughs as I pull her close and kiss her again. All this baby talk puts me in the mood to practice.

So, we do.

++o++

++o++ ++o++

^^ A few days later ^^

* Tris POV *

Pouting as Tobias laughs at me for the third time in twenty minutes, I place my hands on my hips. "You aren't being very nice right now!" I snap. I feel my cheeks get warm with irrational anger.

"Come on, Tris. Don't be that way. You have to see the irony." Tobias chuckles while pulling me close and kissing my temple. "Honestly, even though we settled on our Halloween costumes a while ago, I didn't make the connection until right now."

"You are going to mess up my face paint. Get away from me," I bark while trying to slip out of his hold. "And you are not funny!"

"You are right, my costume is not funny," he teases, admiring my giraffe costume with an amused look on his face. "Come on, you are dressed as one of the tallest animals that ever existed, yet you are so beautifully petite."

"At least you didn't call me short this time," I grouse, still frowning at him.

Candice, who spent her childhood in Providence, really enjoys celebrating Halloween since she grew up with the tradition. Tobias filled me in on how last year was the first time the fun holiday was introduced to Chicago. Johanna's political organization pushed for the celebration as part of integrating Chicago into the rest of the country. Even more people have decided to participate after seeing how much fun it was last year.

Candice is hosting a huge Halloween party at her house tonight, and costumes are mandatory. Most of her family will be here, visiting from Providence, and there will be other kids for Andy to play with. She even invited Zeke and Shauna, and also my co-worker Sherri and her husband.

"Come here, I'm just teasing you. I think you picked amazing costumes for us," Tobias croons in my ear as he rubs the sides of my arms. "You are the prettiest giraffe I have ever seen, and you know I appreciate the lion costume you picked out for me. Besides, did you see how happy Andy was when he saw that we were dressed as animals, too?!"

I smile and relax; I know he's just teasing me about being short. It isn't the first time, nor will it be the last.

"Andy is probably the happiest I have ever seen him! He thought it was hysterical to see us all dressed up as animals. Even if he doesn't quite understand Halloween yet, it's obvious he is enjoying this so far!" I laugh as we gather our things and head out the door.

+++o+++

"This has been a great party! I'm really glad we came," Tobias admits while holding Andy to his chest. We even took Andy trick-or-treating to a few of the houses on the block.

"I'm still in shock," I admit to Tobias, causing him to chuckle. "My brother is getting married! Caleb Prior is actually getting married, and to an amazing girl!" I can barely contain my excitement. At least I've stopped happy-crying at this point.

At the start of the evening, Caleb and Candice took a moment to welcome everyone to Candice's home. She also shared some of her own childhood memories about dressing up and trick-or-treating in Providence.

And she then stated that when she and Caleb have children one day, the traditions of Halloween are some of the things she most looks forward to sharing with them. The room grew quiet, many eyes on Caleb as he and Candice are just dating; people were confused as to why she would be so comfortable declaring this.

Zeke even whispered to Tobias that Candice was acting a lot like Shauna did during her "batshit crazy" stage. Tobias snickered, but then saw my death look and put on his Four mask in order to silence Zeke. Thankfully, Shauna had been talking to Sherri and her husband across the room, and didn't hear Zeke's joke.

That's when Caleb and Candice suddenly announced their engagement! I was stunned; I had no idea Caleb was even thinking about marriage. We warmly congratulated them, and for the first time I saw how at ease and comfortable Tobias is around my brother. It does feel as though a corner has been turned.

"Yes, he is getting married. I never thought I'd see the day," Tobias admits before kissing my lips firmly. "Did you get a chance to meet Candice's family?"

"Yes. Briefly, after the announcement was made. They want to meet you and Andy before we head out," I tell him.

"Sounds good — more family for us!" Tobias says while smiling at Andy. I never thought I'd see the day that he would want to add people to his inner circle, but he sounds very sincere.

"I'm just happy for him. I know my parents would have loved Candice," I say softly. I allow myself a few happy thoughts as I picture Mother and Father.

"Do you think your parents would have liked me?" Tobias asks me suddenly, sounding serious.

"Tobias Eaton, you are an amazing husband, best friend, and devoted father to our son." I pause for effect. "So, yes, my parents would have been crazy about you!"

Accepting my answer, Tobias pulls me into a group hug with him and Andy. That's when the smell of a heavily soiled diaper hits me.

"Andy needs his diaper changed, and I suspect this may be a two-person job!" I gag, already dreading the likely blowout. It smells so bad.

"I smell it now. Come on, let's both go. I left his diaper bag in the mudroom by the garage entrance," Tobias says, walking towards the back of the house as I follow.

"Oh, fuck!" Tobias blurts upon entering the mudroom. I quickly step around him, only to see the newly-engaged couple in a compromising position.

I gasp loudly when I see that Caleb is sitting in a chair with Candice on his lap, obviously riding him wildly as they have sex. They are so engrossed in one another that they don't even realize we opened the door. Simultaneously covering his eyes and grabbing Andy from Tobias, I frantically motion for him to grab the diaper bag that's just a few feet from the door.

"Are you crazy?" Tobias hisses as he pulls me back out and quietly shuts the door behind us. "I am not about to step further into that damned room! They are literally fucking just a few feet away!"

"You don't need to remind me. I will never get that image of Caleb out of my head, not ever!" I cry with a horrified pitch to my voice. Tobias looks equally traumatized. "But we have got to change Andy's diaper, and soon. He gets terrible diaper rash when we don't clean him almost immediately. What the hell do we do?"

Tobias is pinching the bridge of his nose, presumably thinking.

Tobias and I both jump in terror when Candice pops her head out of the mudroom, my cheeks turning a deep red. "Sorry, guys! I assume you were looking for this?" She drops the diaper bag right outside of the door.

Mouths hanging open, both Tobias and I nod silently. I notice that Tobias will not even look in her direction; he is so uncomfortable.

"Candice, what are you doing? Why did you stop? Come back!" I hear Caleb call to her. He's obviously missed the fact that we saw them just moments earlier. Part of me is relieved. This will aid me in pretending this never happened. Denial can be a beautiful thing.

"Nothing, I'm coming," Candice answers him while firmly closing the door to the mudroom behind her, leaving Tobias, Andy, and me standing in the hallway with our mouths hanging open.

"Well, that was something I wasn't expecting. I think this also explains why Candice was so unfazed that time she walked in on us," he speculates while trying to figure her out. "She basically has a zero-fucks attitude about certain things."

"I never want to speak of this again, okay?" I laugh uncomfortably. "Please?"

Tobias chuckles and agrees. "Come on, we need to change Andy's huge, dirty diaper now."

We laugh as we look for an empty room this time.

+++o+++

"Goodnight, sweet boy," I whisper, kissing Andy's sleeping head before Tobias carefully lays him down in his crib.

Silently, we stand next to the crib, watching our son sleep. I don't know how long we stand there, soaking it all in: our life, our son, our marriage, our family, our home.

We have so much to be thankful for.

Slipping my hand in his, I pull Tobias out of Andy's room and towards our master bathroom. "I have makeup remover, so I'll help you get the lion face paint off."

"Thanks, that would be great," Tobias comments while kissing the top of my head.

Tobias leans against the bathroom counter, watching me with a lazy smile as I carefully remove all of the face paint. I make sure I get every last spot. He thanks me when I am done and I lean up to kiss his lips briefly.

Getting out a new makeup remover cloth, I move to start cleaning my own makeup off.

"Tris, I want to do it," Tobias asks softly, his eyes burning into mine.

Suddenly, his hands are on my hips as Tobias picks me up and places me on top of the counter. Stepping in between my legs, he gives me a sweet smile before starting the task of getting all of my giraffe makeup off.

My heart warms at how gentle he is, careful not to rub my face too hard. When he's done, his eyes finally move from my face to the rest of my body. I squirm under his attention, as he seems to be studying me.

"Come here," he says while pulling me closer to him. He is careful not to pull me off the counter completely. His eyes meet mine before he presses his lips against mine. His kiss is desperate yet sweet. My lips part as his tongue demands entrance, my arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders.

After a while, he picks me up in a fireman's carry and walks towards our bed. Once we are lying down, we begin frantically removing our clothing. "I want to taste every inch of you, now," he says hoarsely.

Nodding, I push my panties quickly down my legs. I yearn to feel his lips on my body. Once we are both naked, we come together in the middle of the bed. Tobias's hand slips down to my core to caress me.

"Shit, so wet for me. It's such a turn on, Tris," he groans.

I am desperate for release, so I place my hand firmly over his wrist and look at him with urgency. "Please," I whisper.

Tobias leans down to kiss me roughly as his fingers begin frantically pumping in and out of me while his thumb caresses around my swollen nub. I desperately move my hips to increase the pleasure he is giving me.

"Fuck, Tobias. Please, I need more," I hiss. I am so sexually frustrated that I want to scream, which he can see in my face. Moving his wet hand under my knee, he quickly pulls my leg towards my chest, essentially exposing my core to him. Without a word or hesitation, Tobias drives his cock into me. I gasp loudly with pleasure and arch my back so that he can fill me even deeper.

"You like this?" Tobias mumbles in my ear as he moves roughly against me.

"Yes, yes," I choke as he takes me. I am shocked at how quickly my pleasure builds.

"I'm coming... I'm so close... please don't stop. I..." My ability to think and speak falter as my orgasm rolls over me. Suddenly, words are replaced by my cries and grunts, my eyes rolling backwards as I lose myself in his arms.

Holding me as I tremble, Tobias keeps going, grunting with pleasure as he takes me. The only sound in the room is our erratic breathing and a few soft moans and groans as we collide together until we are both spent.

"I love you Tris. Forever," Tobias says while pulling my naked body against his.

"I love you, too," I whisper before giving him one last kiss.

"I hope I haven't completely tired you out. I knew we'd have an early night because of Andy, so I bought a scary DVD for us to watch since it's Halloween," Tobias suggests over his shoulder as he walks into the bathroom to clean himself with a washcloth.

Stretching lazily in our bed, I groan before answering. "Will there be popcorn? I'll also need a commitment for snuggles since you picked a scary movie."

He nods eagerly. I already knew popcorn and his warm embrace would be part of the package.

"Then, I'm in! I'm going to take a body shower, I'll be quick," I say while gathering new panties and pajamas from the dresser.

Kissing my forehead, Tobias tells me to take my time while he sets it all up.

++o++

Stepping out of our bedroom, the first thing I notice is that the television is still off and I don't smell popcorn. I'm about to ask Tobias if everything is okay when I see he is sitting on the couch, surrounded by pieces of what used to be crumpled notebook paper.

Tobias seems unaware that I have entered the room. His brows furrow as he reads the paper in his hand. My stomach does a nervous flip; I never wanted him to find those pages, which is why I crumpled them up and threw them in the wastebasket by the desk. I see the plastic wrap of the DVD lying on the floor by the wastebasket.

"You weren't supposed to see those," I whisper, breaking him from his trance.

"Tris." He pauses as his eyes search mine. "I'd be lying to you if I said I was sorry I read them."

"I've been trying for days to write it." I sigh softly as my cheeks flush with warmth. I walk over to join him on the couch. "I've been wanting to give you something tangible, a love letter like the one you gave me, to let you know how I feel and to thank you for everything..."

"Tris, you don't need to thank me or give me anything more than yourself. You've always been worth it to me, no matter the obstacle or sacrifice," he interrupts firmly. "I'd walk barefoot across broken glass for you. I'd give my life to protect you and our son. I have never been, nor will I ever be, as devoted to anyone as I am to you."

Placing my hand to Tobias's cheek, I remember that no matter what difficulties we face or hurts we endure, neither of us will ever be willing to settle again. We are two people that choose each other, over and over again.

I close my eyes and realize that Tobias and I have a lifetime of loving, happy moments ahead of us.

We are just at the beginning.

+++ Story End +++

++o++

++o++ ++o++ ++o++

++o++ ++o++

++o++

++o++ ++o++

++o++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> This is the last chapter of Mended vs. Settled. Hopefully, you all enjoyed this angst-filled FourTris story. It was full of ups and some serious downs, so kudos to those that stuck it out. With luck, the happy FourTris ending I have always promised made up for it. There will be an epilogue to this story. I don't want to rush writing it, so it may be a couple of weeks before it's written and then edited.
> 
> Thank you to DivergentPanda46 and Kiwi-pie for reading my chapters ahead of time, catching errors and encouraging me to continue.
> 
> BarbaraK2U: When you find a dedicated Divergent fan/reader that is so good at being a Beta (her resume is impressive) and she is happy to work with you, it's like Christmas morning! I take great pleasure in running a delta between the chapter I thought was final to the version BarbaraK2U turns back to me. Her editing skills, Divergent knowledge and devotion to the details are extraordinary. And we also have a lot of fun crushing on Theo James together.
> 
> Thank you to all the readers, especially those that commented or sent private messages. I always say that I write fanfic stories/plots for myself, and I won't apologize for that - -BUT, I will also say that the support and encouragement of readers does make it all the more meaningful and enjoyable. Thank you again for your time and support. It means a lot to me.
> 
> Take care, FourTrisHEA


	41. Epilogue: The Difference a Year Makes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: The Difference a Year Makes
> 
> Date: End of October 2802 +o+ Andy is two years old
> 
> ^^ One Year Later ^^

Mended vs. Settled

Epilogue: The Difference a Year Makes

Date: End of October 2802 +o+ Andy is two years old

^^ One Year Later ^^

"Tris, will you be able to get that town ordinance filing completed before you leave for lunch? I don't need it until Thursday, but the sooner the better," Tris's boss, Sandra, asks while offering her a donut from a large box which is now almost empty.

"Yes, to the filing. In fact, I'm already done, but I want to review it in full one more time." Tris smiles before adding, "And no, thank you, to the donut."

"Wonderful! But are you sure about the donut? The donut shop on Main Street has already run out for the day. I got the last dozen for the office," Sandra offers again.

"I'm sure. My husband is in town making a delivery this afternoon, so we are grabbing lunch together. It's sort of a date, so I don't want to ruin my appetite," Tris adds quickly.

"Sounds fantastic! I'm impressed by how you both always manage to make time to be alone with each other. Michael and I have been married thirty-three years, and we have always worked hard to keep our connection strong," Sandra calls over her shoulder while walking towards another employee to offer them a donut.

Tris glances at the older woman before getting back to work. She's thankful to have a great boss, and really enjoys her role in the small town's city planning department.

When she and Tobias decided to leave Chicago for a quieter life in the country, Johanna was very supportive; she offered to help both of them with their job searches. With Johanna's help, Tris secured a part-time job in city planning. The couple left Chicago, and at the same time, the woman Tris currently splits the position with was about to go out on maternity leave to give birth to her first child. For the first three months, Tris worked full time while covering her co-worker's leave. Her co-worker's goal, when she was ready to return, was to only work part-time. So, they took one position and split it in two. Because Andy had just started preschool every morning, she and Tobias decided to wait until Tris's position switched back to part-time before Tobias started his job in government.

It could not have worked out better. With his mornings free, Tobias concentrated on fixing up their cabin in the country. It needed a lot of work, and when he was done, it was almost unrecognizable. Tobias had never felt so alive as when he was able to roll up his sleeves and work with his hands.

Tris has reread Tobias's letter — the one he wrote for her while they were at the Bureau — over a hundred times. The part where Tobias admitted his dream for their future and regretted not telling her before their mission has always resonated with her the most:

I had dreams, I should say dreams that always featured you by my side. Looking back, I wish had told you then. If even just to hear what your thoughts would have been. That last day in the training room, I allowed myself to dream of completing our mission. I knew that Chicago would be safe, the Bureau would be forever changed, and that you and I would be able to build a new life for ourselves somewhere. I dreamed of a place where I would trade my guns and knives for more productive tools, screwdrivers and nails and shovels. I had hope for us. I regret not telling you. Part of me will always wonder if that would have changed the choices you made that day.

They've successfully accomplished what Tobias had always dreamed for them. Not only had they started a peaceful life away from Chicago, his dream of using his hands with 'productive tools' in order to provide for his family had been fulfilled. Tobias started his own business as a contractor, also concentrating on custom carpentry work as a side passion.

Sighing quietly, Tris forces herself to stop daydreaming in order to finish her work for the day. She is counting the minutes until she meets Tobias for their lunch date. As their house is a full thirty-five minute drive from town, the couple can no longer slip away for a 'nooner' as Tris's friend, Sherri, had called it.

It's a shame, Tris thinks to herself, remembering some of those times quite fondly.

+++o+++

"Every time we meet now for a weekday lunch date, I can't help but miss our 'uninhibited special time' that we used to have in Chicago," Tobias croons in her ear while ushering Tris out of the café where they just ate.

Tris blushes, remembering one of their wilder lunches. Tobias slips his hand in hers before they walk down the busy street. It is a beautiful fall day. The leaves are changing, but it is still warm enough to not need a jacket.

"Tris, I wish you'd wear a coat. I don't want you to get sick." Tobias's voice falters as she gives him a look of annoyance, simultaneously tugging on the flannel shirt he is wearing to make her point that he isn't wearing a coat himself. Clearing his throat, he says, "I won't apologize for worrying about you more than I usually do."

"Tobias, I'm pregnant, not sick!" she reminds him. The couple has had some form of the same conversation almost every day since finding out they were expecting.

Pulling his pregnant wife closer to his body and giving her a peck on the nose, Tobias replies, "I know, Tris. I'm really happy, but I just have this incredible urge to keep you near me and safe at all times. If I could enshroud you in bubble wrap and keep you at the cabin, I would!"

"Gee, that sounds really romantic," she teases while tightening her arms around his waist.

Equally stubborn, the pair lock eyes before eventually bursting into laughter. They resume walking to the doctor's office. Tris's twenty-week prenatal appointment is today, which includes a sonogram. The doctor is hopeful they will find out the gender of the baby at this appointment.

+++o+++

The appointment with the doctor went well, everything is on track and the couple is relieved to officially be at the halfway point of the pregnancy. Tris and Tobias are escorted to a different exam room, and Tris sits down nervously on the padded table. She has the first ultrasound appointment after lunch, and the technician is running a few minutes behind.

"Are you nervous to find out if we are having a boy or a girl?" Tobias asks while giving her hand a small squeeze.

"No, not at all. Aside from hopefully finding out the gender, they are going to take measurements to confirm that the baby is developing correctly." Tris pauses to take a deep breath. "I'll just feel better when I hear that everything is okay. I guess...I don't know..."

His eyes are warm as they stare intently at her, and he takes his time before responding. "I understand." Kissing her hand, Tobias smiles. "With Andy, we were handed this perfect, healthy, six-month-old infant. Pregnancy, the waiting...this is all new to us both."

"I know this is what I wanted, and I'm grateful to be pregnant and experiencing all these things I didn't get to feel with Andy. But, I never took into account how nervous and anxious I would be." Tris's voice trembles, realizing the depth of her fear as the words tumble out.

"Hey, no matter what, good or bad, you and I are in this together." Tris processes his words, a calm settling over her. She knows Tobias is a good man; he shows it to her every day.

"You know, I keep meaning to tell you..." He stops to chuckle. "I still can't believe you let me stay in the doctor's room when you were getting that third opinion on whether you'd given birth previously. That was such a personal exam, and it's not like we were in a good place back then."

Tris begins laughing as well. "Honestly, it was the third time in two days that my feet were in the stirrups. Not only was I starting to be desensitized to the process, I desperately needed your opinion on their reactions and the information. At that point, I didn't know what to believe."

"I'm glad you wanted me there, especially since it was for the purpose of finding out about our child," he assures her before kissing her hand. "It just shocked me!"

When the technician enters, she smiles immediately and thanks the happy couple for their patience. Tobias moves to his spot next to Tris, tucked out of the way. He holds her hand as he always does.

Lowering the band of her maternity pants below her baby bump and pulling her blouse up, Tris gives the okay for her to get started.

"As you know, this gel has been warmed for your comfort. I will use the transducer device to record images and the sound of the baby's heartbeat," she says before starting.

"I would like to get all of the necessary growth measurements before the big finale. My fingers are crossed that your baby is willing to show us if it is a boy or girl today," the technician sounds hopeful.

Nodding eagerly, Tris realizes that she is anxious to find out her baby's sex. The technician goes through all of the measurements, marking the screen and saving images while working. Tris alternates between watching her baby on the screen and studying the technician's reactions to most of the recordings. She assures them that everything looks to be right on target. The baby looks healthy and strong.

"Per the measurements, we are still looking at conception being June 8th with a due date of March 1st. Baby Eaton is right on track and where we expect he or she to be." She smirks, not giving away the gender. She had asked them to look away from the screen when she reviewed the images that told her the gender. "Okay, any other questions before you find out if you'll need to buy pink or blue paint?"

"None. Tell us, please!" Tobias blurts out as Tris emphatically agrees.

"Congratulations, you are having a baby girl!"

The moment Tris hears the word 'girl' leave the technician's lips, tears well in her eyes. She would have been thrilled either way, but she knows deep down that Tobias really wanted a little girl to join their family. Turning to see his reaction, her heart jumps in her throat at the shocked expression on his face. It's as though he can't believe this is actually happening.

"Thank you so much. We are really happy," Tris manages to get out while using a paper towel to clean the gel off of her abdomen. She waves goodbye to the technician, who gives them a moment to clean up and gather their things.

"A little girl — I'm so happy!" Tobias beams, leaning down to kiss her firmly on the lips. "Now that we actually know, are you still happy with the name Victoria?"

"I am! And I can't wait to tell George when he and Amar come to visit us next month. I want to wait until we see them in person," she reminds Tobias. "Tori was such a special person to us both. I love the long version of her name."

"I agree with you. I'm confident both George and Amar will appreciate the gesture." Tobias recalls how happy they were to hear the pregnancy news while at Andy's second birthday party earlier this month.

And what a party it was! So many of their family and friends made the trip from Chicago. Most of them were very curious to see what their new life was like.

++o+ Flashback to Earlier that Month +o++

"Tobias, your home is gorgeous! When I first saw the photos of the cabin you and Tris purchased, I was a little worried about how run down it looked." Evelyn looks around the cabin in amazement. "I'm so glad we were able to make the trip for Andy's second birthday party!"

"Well, I never doubted you for a moment, Tobias. I saw the raw potential in this place right away. You did it justice," Ned compliments, pulling Evelyn close and hugging her gently. "And let's not forget what good helpers Zeke and I were!"

Tobias laughs. "We are glad you made the trip. I will never forget the hard work both Ned and Zeke put in; having you both here for the heavy lifting portion of the remodel was a huge help. Thank you again."

"Eh, I wasn't fishing for a compliment, Tobias. It was my pleasure to help you and Tris get on your feet in your new home. It also gave me a chance to get to know Evelyn's son better. That was my true goal," Ned smiles at Evelyn adoringly.

Tobias and Tris share a secret grin, happy to see that things are going well for his mother and her boyfriend. Evelyn and Ned are very serious and in love; Ned even asked Evelyn to marry him at last year's Christmas dinner, shortly before Tris and Tobias moved away. Ned had already professed his love for her months earlier, and had respectfully asked Tobias for Evelyn's hand in marriage. So, the young couple knew the proposal was happening that night.

Evelyn said no.

It was so awkward, Tris wanted to dig a hole in the ground and crawl into it. Tobias looked like he wished he were anywhere else but there in that moment. Ned looked stunned as well. Evelyn quickly asked Ned to speak with her privately, and they left the apartment to go for a walk.

To both Tris's and Tobias's surprise, his mother and her boyfriend were happy and smiling when they returned. Evelyn explained to Ned that many years ago, she had made the personal decision to never marry again — not after all she had suffered with Marcus. Together they agreed they would not let a piece of paper define them, and Ned was satisfied with moving in together and having a committed relationship. He explained that was all that really mattered to him. They moved into Ned's home before Tobias and his family left Chicago that January.

"That reminds me, how is poor Zeke doing?" Evelyn asks as her brows furrow.

Tobias breathes a sigh of relief before answering. "He's actually really good. And we're even now: he married Shauna while he was still in the hospital, just a couple of weeks ago. So, he can no longer give me crap about not being there when I got married!"

Zeke was badly injured in the line of duty last month. It was a pretty scary situation. Zeke was so impacted by almost dying that he asked Shauna to marry him as soon as possible. So, they married the next day, right there in his hospital room.

"Zeke and Shauna were disappointed that they couldn't make it out here for Andy's party, but we will get to see them next month when we travel back to Chicago for Caleb's wedding," Tris shares with Evelyn and Ned.

"Um, Tris! Andy is getting into his cake again," Jessica interrupts from the kitchen. Tris quickly excuses herself to go save the cake. Tobias chuckles at his son's mischievousness, then turns his attention back to Evelyn and Ned.

"Mommy said no, we will do cake after we have lunch!" Tris lightly scolds as her rambunctious child chortles in her face, dipping his finger into the icing anyway. "Andy!" Tris cries while picking up her son and carrying him out of the kitchen.

"Terrible twos, eh? So, this is what I have to look forward to?" Jessica says with a little bit of fear in her voice, holding her infant daughter, Bella, on her hip.

"Nah, Jessica, you have a little girl. I am guessing for us it will be bearable for the toddler/kid years...but we will get ours when the teenage years arrive. Drama, drama, drama!" Michelle teases as her daughters sit sweetly next to their father in the living room.

"Tris, will you find out ahead of time if it's a boy or a girl?" Jessica asks.

"Yes, we definitely want to know. Hopefully, we'll find out at my next doctor's appointment," Tris shares excitedly. She excuses herself to answer the front door as more party guests arrive.

Caleb and Candice are standing at the front door with a large birthday gift for Andy. At seeing who has arrived, Tobias walks to stand by Tris in order to welcome the couple into their new home and to the party.

"So good to see you! Thanks for making the trip," Tris says warmly, hugging Caleb.

"Of course, sorry we are so late...we, um..." Caleb's voice trails off as he fumbles with the birthday gift. "Could I put this down somewhere?" he finally asks.

Once Caleb is no longer within earshot, Candice turns to Tris and Tobias with a wicked grin on her face. "I made sure we were a little late to this party. I didn't want to arrive too early and have a repeat of last year," she teases.

Wincing, Tobias runs a hand through his hair and lets it settle on the back of his neck while Tris blushes, shaking her head and laughing. It's been a while since either of them thought about Andy's first birthday party and what Candice walked in on.

"Lucky for you, we don't have a mudroom in this house," Tris playfully shoots back, and both women laugh.

++o+ Flashback End +o++

"Andy is completely out. Ugh, I hope he will still sleep for us when we get home." Tris turns back from checking on her son, sound asleep in the backseat of the car. "We have got to find a way to keep him awake in the car."

"Well, we know his favorite music is not enough, but how about a kid's video on one of our phones? Since we limit his screen time, he may find it motivation enough to stay awake," Tobias suggests.

The family of three is driving home from the town's Halloween block party which was hosted on Main Street. Because their cabin in the country is over a thirty minute drive from town, they are used to their toddler taking a solid catnap in the car. A nap sounds great, of course, except he is often wide awake when he gets out of the car and is convinced it's time for a new day.

"We can try it next time. I can probably download an episode of one of his favorite cartoons to have on my phone," Tris says out loud, sighing resignedly.

"We may get lucky this time — he ran hard while at the block party. He had a great time," Tobias offers hopefully.

"Yeah, he sure did. He loved his dragon costume this year, his little roar when anyone asked him what his costume was almost killed me. I think he gets cuter every day that passes," Tris whispers, leaning over to kiss her husband on the cheek, then his jaw, and then his neck.

"Careful, my dear wife, I'm trying to drive here," Tobias teases her, smiling broadly and looking at the road. Tris grins while sitting back in her seat.

"I really want to have sex when we get home," Tris says nonchalantly, watching for Tobias's reaction.

"When do you not want to have sex nowadays?" her husband teases her.

Tris rolls her eyes, acting injured. "I remember a time when a certain someone was beside himself with how little action he was getting. And now you are complaining because I want you too much?!"

"Um, in my defense, you were so horribly sick your first trimester that I was the one in trauma. I was legit scared I would not have sex again for a full year. It was a horrible feeling, Tris!" he exclaims.

"A year? I don't need to explain gestation periods again, do I?" Tris teases, squeezing his hand and bringing it to her lips for a kiss.

"No, you don't, 'Little Miss I Want to Die I'm So Sick'. I was worried you would be sick your entire pregnancy, and then I found out we can't have sex for about eight weeks after the baby is born...so, just about a year, thank you very much," Tobias shoots back. "Even I can figure out that simple math."

"Well, lucky for you, I was only terribly sick those first two months," Tris reminds him.

"How could I forget? You were so mean to me. I really thought that reminding you about the things you missed while being in the coma and pregnant with Andy would cheer you up," Tobias mutters.

Grimacing at how poorly she behaved back then, Tris remembers how livid even the sound of his voice would make her as she maintained a constant state of nausea.

"It was the only time in our entire history that I have seen you mad enough to scream, 'shut the fuck up' at anyone. Let alone at me, and I think that says a lot!" Tobias snorts as Tris crosses her arms across her chest, now glumly looking out the car window.

"Baby, you know I love you, and I completely understand that our baby was sucking the life out of you. I'm just glad you are feeling better." Tobias smiles wickedly at his beautiful wife. He's looking forward to satisfying her. "Because those two months of you having no sex drive almost killed me!"

"Don't be so dramatic — we had sex! Well, at least once or twice..." Tris's voice trails off while she tries to remember. She wasn't very invested in sex during the first trimester of her pregnancy.

Tobias scowls, remembering one time in particular. "Me, dramatic?! Even worse than no sex is trying to finally make love to your wife who, after just three minutes, barks at you for taking too long!" Tobias reminds her with indignation. His mood only gets worse when he's met with Tris's blank look.

Finally deciding he is probably telling the truth, Tris smirks. Instead of apologizing for something that happened months ago, she plans to make amends in a different way. "As soon as we get Andy to go to sleep, I'm really going to make it up to you. I promise I won't scold you for taking too long." Moving her hand to his thigh while he drives, she watches his Adam's apple bob as she caresses up and down his leg, her hand moving dangerously close to his groin.

"Tris, you are driving me crazy," he says hoarsely. His foot presses a little harder on the accelerator of the car. "I can keep going," she whispers, her fingertips lightly tracing the growing bulge in his pants. The fire in her belly is growing stronger as each moment passes.

Shifting uncomfortably before reason wins out, Tobias refuses her advances, moving her hand back to his knee. "No. Once we get home and get Andy to sleep, then hell yeah." Tris puts up her hands in defeat.

"We've got to wait. If Andy wasn't with us, I'd pull off to the side of the road. I really enjoyed that time we fucked in the car," Tobias reminds her with a smirk. Tris moans, remembering how they couldn't wait another moment. They'd been unable to make it all the way home to relieve the babysitter, especially knowing that Tris needed to then drive the middle school-aged sitter back into town. In desperation, they decided that pulling off to the side of the road and driving further into the trees to get some semblance of privacy would be perfectly acceptable.

Paying the sitter for the additional hour had been well worth it.

"I really enjoyed that, too," Tris croons while tightly squeezing her legs closed, trying to relieve some of the pressure. She wants him to take her now — she is so ready for him. Gnawing at her lip, she can feel how moist her panties are getting.

"We're almost home." Tobias ogles his wife, clearly recognizing her signs of arousal. "And for the record, I love how much you want me right now."

Pulling into the driveway and around the back of the house, Tobias has barely put the car in park before he releases his seatbelt buckle. "Andy looks exhausted, I'll carry him up to his room and try to get him to go straight to bed. You can...um..."

"I am going to get naked and wait for you in our room!" Tris offers, opening the back door and holding it for Tobias, who now has Andy in his arms.

As promised, Tris is comfortably waiting for him underneath the cool sheets of their bed. Having listened through the baby monitor in Andy's room, Tris was relieved to hear that Andy went straight to bed, even sleeping through his diaper change.

Entering their bedroom and locking the door behind him, Tobias stands tall while his eyes roam up and down his sweet wife who is waiting for him. Tris sits up on the bed, allowing the bed sheets to pool at her waist. Her perky breasts are bared to him, practically inviting him to lavish them with his attention. In three long strides, Tobias is at the foot of the bed and peeling his own clothes off while she ogles him.

Tris giggles when Tobias's foot gets caught in the bottom of his jeans and he topples onto the mattress beside her. Without speaking, Tris pushes Tobias down to lie on his back, and bending her head down, she immediately wraps her lips around his semi-hard dick. "Shit!" he hisses in shock, caught off guard at how quickly Tris is moving things along. Propping himself up on his elbows, he watches as Tris expertly kisses and licks his shaft before fully taking him in her mouth; he groans as he grows harder and harder in her mouth.

"Tris," Tobias moans, sitting all the way up. "I'm ready, baby; let me touch you." His priority is to pleasure her, always. Tris moves closer to him on the bed, his hands now sliding up her inner thigh, aiming to touch her core. "No, don't," she whimpers. "I want to come with you inside of me. I need you now. Please."

Tobias grunts as Tris moves to her side and lies directly in front of him, offering him her ass and looking over her shoulder as she rubs her butt against his hard cock. "I want you to fuck me really hard," she says huskily, curving her arm back to slip her fingers into his hair. Pausing at the sudden taste of iron on his lower lip, Tobias realizes he has broken the skin, having bitten down too hard.

His mind wavers, struggling between wanting to give his woman exactly what she wants and fearing for the safety of the baby growing inside of her. "Tris, the baby... I can go slowly. I'll still get you there," he croons while leaning closer to her and pulling her closer into his body. His hand softly glides around her to caress her small baby bump.

Tris lifts her left leg and hooks it backwards around his. Pushing her butt back into him, she can finally feel the head of his dick rubbing against her wet folds. Tris hisses with lust, desperate for him to fill her, to satisfy her. He's right; she has never been so horny in her entire life. She wants him all the time. Pressing his lips to her neck, he moves his hand up to massage her breast before pinching her nipple. Tris cries out loudly; her breasts are more sensitive because of the pregnancy.

"Give it to me, I need you!" she demands, her voice sounding frantic. Tobias's breath hitches as he slides his leg in between hers, aligning the head of his cock perfectly between her folds. He gently pushes into her, using soft and shallow strokes. His large hands hold her, touching her softly while he makes love to her.

Tris groans in frustration; it feels good, but it is not enough. She needs more from him. "Tobias, don't hold back. I know you want to fuck me." She is practically begging him as she rolls her hips, taking him in deeper.

Unable to resist her desires or his, Tobias curses under his breath and pulls out of her. "Get on your knees and grab the headboard, I'm going to take you hard. I don't want your stomach pressing into the mattress," he demands. She gasps with anticipation, anxious to have him inside her again. She spreads her knees wide and sticks her ass up in the air, ready for him to plunge into her again. She submits to him gratefully, and he takes her by beginning a pattern of thrusts that are both deep and quick. Tris's hands support her weight while he furiously pounds into her. His hands firmly secure her waist, allowing him to control the pace while also insuring she doesn't push too hard into the mattress below her.

The view of his cock sliding in and out of her causes him to growl with lust. Without thinking, he slaps her butt cheek, making her yelp with shock. "Is this good?" he demands. He is taking her roughly, but also remembering that she is pregnant. "Yes, so good. Don't stop, please!" Tris cries out loudly as they passionately collide their bodies together. He closes his eyes, enjoying the way she clamps tightly around his shaft when she comes, her loud moans reverberating throughout their entire home. His hands hold her hips in place while he mercilessly chases his finish. His climax comes suddenly, his body jerking over hers. Waves of pleasure roll through him, causing him to grunt repeatedly.

Collapsing next to her on the bed, he pulls her into his arms, both of them gasping for air. "You sure you're okay? I didn't hurt you?" he asks worriedly, his fingers tracing patterns up and down her arm. Tris turns to face him before planting quick kisses all over his face, only stopping when he laughs and tries to move away. "I'm good. Thank you, for always taking care of me," she whispers, touching his face lovingly.

"Always," he promises before fitting his mouth to hers.

+++o+++

+++o+++

 

Handing Tris a blanket, Tobias says, "Here you go." He beams as he sits next to her on the wooden porch swing at the front of their home. It's a cool night as the couple snuggles together, enjoying each other's warmth. Tris thanks him while running her hand along the fine craftsmanship of the wood swing. "I'm amazed you made this. Oh, wait, let me clarify — I am amazed how much your talent and skill have grown in such a short amount of time. It's so beautiful, I love that it is the first thing our guests see when they arrive at our home."

Tobias shrugs sheepishly. Tris has been incredibly supportive of his decision to leave the office setting behind and start his own business. Looking around their home, he smiles with pride at how different the two story cabin looks compared to when they first bought it. The addition of the covered wraparound porch has added much needed charm as well as functionality. With his own home being a prime example of his work, business has been booming. More and more people are moving out to their growing town. Tobias and Tris chose this cabin because of the large plot of wooded land it was on, both of them thankful for the peace and quiet, and the separation from their neighbors.

"The Nogales family fell in love with this swing when they saw it during Andy's birthday party. They custom ordered one almost exactly like it; they just had more intricate requests for the carvings," Tobias shares proudly as Tris's eyes gleam with excitement and pride at her husband's hard work. "That is fantastic, Tobias! I am so proud—"

Tris stops mid-sentence with a gasp, her hand quickly grasping her stomach. Tobias is immediately startled, panic blossoming for Tris and their daughter. Is something wrong?! He is about to ask her when he sees the joy on her face. "Tris?"

Without saying a word, Tris moves his hand to her belly, finding the spot where little Victoria is kicking up a storm. Tris had already felt the baby moving a few times in recent weeks, but it was never during a moment when Tobias was around to feel it. Watching her husband's eyes widen with wonder as he feels his child moving within her is enough to make her cry happily.

"Tris, that's amazing! I don't even know what to say... That's our baby!" he exclaims.

"This is what I was so sad to miss with Andy. Moments like these that I knew had been stolen from us," Tris admits. With the baby no longer kicking, he moves his hands to cradle her face, resting his forehead on hers. Staring into her eyes, he also knows the bittersweet pain she feels.

"Tris, with every new milestone we experience with this baby, we learn of something else that we didn't have with Andy. It's not fair; what happened to you was awful. But instead of fixating on what we lost, I think we need to be grateful for what we have now, which is a lot more than most people," Tobias concludes. Tris smiles at him and nods in agreement.

Placing her hand to his cheek, Tris leans closer and touches her lips against his. He immediately presses his mouth to hers, his tongue gently teasing her lower lip until she opens her mouth for him, both of their tongues enthusiastically swirling and caressing the other's. In that moment, Tris concentrates on the good: her loving husband, her healthy and amazing son, a baby girl on the way, and all of their family and friends. These are the precious things she is most grateful for.

The happy couple snuggle for a while longer before deciding to turn in for the night. Tris stands up first and begins to fold the blanket they had been using. Tobias stands to help her fold it, then tucks it under his arm. When Tris turns to walk inside, Tobias feels a strong urge to remind her how important she is to him.

"Tris, wait!" he stammers, catching her hand to turn her to face him

"Tris, wait!" he stammers, catching her hand to turn her to face him. Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, her expression softens as he moves closer to her. Pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her neck, Tobias takes a moment to plant generous kisses before whispering, "You have made me the happiest I've ever been. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you the way I have always wanted."

Her heart fluttering with strong emotions, she can only stare at him. She can't even find the words to communicate how much he means to her. Her eyes shine with love; she knows he understands how she feels about him and about the life they fought so hard to have.

Right at the entrance of their home, Tobias settles to his knees in front of his wife. Tris laughs nervously at his mischievous look. "You want to do that out here?!"

Realizing that she thinks he is going to go down on her, he bites back a laugh. "Um, no. But only because it's a little too cold out tonight. I wanted to do this..." Tobias murmurs, pulling Tris even closer and lavishing her baby bump with kisses while speaking to their child. "I love you, Victoria, and I can't wait to meet you, our sweet girl." With a last kiss to Tris's stomach, he rises before her. Tris circles her arms around his neck and hugs him.

"That was really sweet and sexy. I'd like to show you how sexy I'm feeling when we get to bed," Tris promises with a mirthful tone.

"More sex? I'm so shocked," Tobias jests, taking her hand and leading his wife into their home. He teases her about her crazy sex drive, but the truth is he couldn't be happier. She has always been the one for him.

Tobias knows that will never change.

+++o+ +++o+ +++o+ +++o+

+++o+ Meanwhile +o+++

The car runs idle, its lights having been turned off hours ago while he observed from the backseat. As always, the car was parked close enough to watch the house with the aid of binoculars, but was far enough away to not be noticed or seen. Knowing the young couple well enough by now, his hunch had been proved correct: they spent some time on that blasted swing, enjoying their evening and enjoying each other.

The passenger has seen enough by the time the couple stands to enter their home hand-in-hand. His attention is suddenly caught again when they stop before walking inside. He watches as the man drops to his knees and showers his wife's stomach with affection. The scene playing out before him makes his stomach churn.

He frowns, realizing that no woman has ever looked at him the way that Tris looks at Tobias, complete devotion and adoration clear on her face. It's also obvious Tobias feels the same affection for his young wife, her belly swelling with his child.

They are having a little girl, he knows.

Having seen enough, the man instructs his driver that it is time to depart. He doesn't want to see any more.

Once there is some distance between their property and the car, the man picks up his cellphone to make an important call.

~ ~ Phone Call ~ ~

The man in the car: "Yes, I have reviewed the copy of the test results. The baby is a girl."

. . pause . .

The man in the car: "Agreed. We need to wait until after the birth. Their combined DNA and thus their children are crucial to The Project."

. . long pause . .

The man in the car: "No. No, relax. I was just watching them at the house. In fact, they just had an argument and she shoved his hand away. She couldn't even stand to have him touch her. You have nothing to worry about with him," the man lies into the phone. Cringing, an image of the loving couple flashes through his mind.

. . pause . .

The man in the car: Chuckling ruefully, the man says,"Yes, I'm quite certain I can get him to cooperate. Trust me. I know exactly how to get him in line, and most importantly, how to keep him there."

. . line goes dead . .

~ ~ Phone Call Ends ~ ~

+++o+ +++o+ +++o+ +++o+

+o++ EPILOGUE END ++o+

Author's Note: As you can see, I added a little twist at the end of the epilogue. I have plans to one day write a second book for the Tris and Tobias of this story. In the meantime, just know that they are happy and all is well in their lives.

Special thank you to BarbaraK2U for editing the crap out of this chapter! This was also my first Divergent chapter written in third person...so it was pretty much a hot mess. ;-) Thanks again B.

Have a wonderful day everyone, and thank you for reading.

Warm regards, FourTris_HEA

+++o+ +++o+ +++o+ +++o+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: As you can see, I added a little twist at the end of the epilogue. I have plans to one day write a second book for the Tris and Tobias of this story. In the meantime, just know that they are happy and all is well in their lives.
> 
> Special thank you to BarbaraK2U for editing the crap out of this chapter! This was also my first Divergent chapter written in third person...so it was pretty much a hot mess. ;-) Thanks again B.
> 
> Have a wonderful day everyone, and thank you for reading.
> 
> Warm regards, FourTris_HEA


End file.
